March 2016 Moms

Birth Injury/Not how I expected my first few days as a Mom to be *trigger warning*

I really have no place else to talk about this, my DH and I are still reeling two days after a seemingly normal birth that spiraled into our daughter now fighting for her life.

We don't know the cause yet-but something happened and our daughter has hypoxic ischemic encephalopathy (HIE), and is currently undergoing cooling treatment to help minimize the damage to her brain. We don't know her prognosis yet-I haven't even gotten a chance to hold her. I'm still in hospital (had to have an emerg c-section), and we have 24/7 access to the NICU. The hardest thing for me is I got through this pregnancy by telling myself I will get to hold her in the end, My baby has never been held by her mother, which I'm not handling well. 

Both DH and I are stunch atheists so most of the common things people say have really offended us. My mother who is a religious minded person almost lost it at the idea that God has a plan etc-she and my father are doing a great job at keeping well meaning but intrusive extended family away by dealing with them (DH's mom is also doing the same-DH's father who we are estranged from got offended when we posted on FB about not bothering us for a few days and rudely messaged DH about it actually apologized when Tim told him that yes our daughter did suffer from lack of oxygen at birth-and that we won't know her prognosis for days, first time he ever got an apology out of the man). The doctors and nurses who were all on during my birth are all having to take time off because of the trauma. Last night the resident came to speak to us, he even said he thought he'd be prepared when he had a case of this, he assumed there had to be warning signs that he would see, and then it happened. He has a 6 week old. He also can't get the sound of the resuscitation team working on her little body out of his head. I want to be mad at the doctors-but they were there with me-we shared that awful moment, and I can see in all of them how devestated they are.

It's so hard because there is no one to be mad at. I'm trying to focus on my daughter and how strong she is. Every moment she is here is makes me proud. Her fighting spirit keeps me going. She is strong so I will be strong too. All I want to do is hold her and bring her home. I will love her forever, and treasure every moment I have her.

Beatrix Louise. Born April 2 2016, 41 weeks, at 7:32am via c-section.
8lbs 1oz
18.5 inches
 Sorry if it's huge. I'm so proud of my warrior, she's perfect-and looks so much like her Dad!
DD: Beatrix Louise aka BeeBop. April 2 2016. H.I.E Warrior <3

Re: Birth Injury/Not how I expected my first few days as a Mom to be *trigger warning*

  • I'm so sorry that your daughter and your family are going through this, I cannot imagine how difficult it all must be.  Your daughter is beautiful and a fighter, I'll be thinking of her and please keep us updated.  
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  • I'm so so sorry this happened to your little girl. I'll will be thinking of your family and I send strength and hope and love to your little one as she continues to fight. Stay strong sweet girl. 

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  • I'm so sorry! Please know your gorgeous daughter and you and DH are in our thoughts and we are hoping for a speedy recovery! 

  • I'm so sorry you are going through this! Recently I had a coworker who experienced the same complications. Not sure exactly when, but baby was deprived of oxygen during birth, there was an emergency C section and then baby was transferred to a nicu and they cooled baby for a few days. I can't remember all of the details, but as new parents, they were given all of the possibilities which was really hard to hear. They also experienced the waiting and not knowing. It still brings tears to all of us! However, after they re warmed baby and did an mri, everything turned out normal and he is a healthy and happy 4 month old now. I know every situation is different, but I hope that knowing you are not alone brings some comfort. Babies are so resilient! Sending positive thoughts your way. 
  • I cannot imagine what you are going through. I will be thinking of you and your family.

  • I'm so sorry this is happening to your beautiful daughter. You are all so strong and I wish nothing but health and well being upon all of you. 
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  • I'm so sorry you & your family are going through this :( your daughter is beautiful & a little fighter!! sending thoughts & prayers your way!! *hugs*
  • Im so sorry that you are going through this. Our LO struggled for oxygyn for 6 minutes, and i cannot imagine the devastation of that void dragging on and on as it is for you. Good luck for your beautiful daughter you are all strong! Hopefully mamma will get her cuddles soon xx
  • I'm so sorry! This breaks my heart!! I am sending so many positive vibes toward your baby girl! Positive vibes change things in unbelievable ways, keep that in mind! She is beautiful and strong and I truly believe you will all make it through this!! Stay strong mama! And keep us updated! 
  • I am so sorry you're going through this. Thinking of you and your sweet little one and sending positive thoughts your way. 
  • I read this earlier this morning; you and your family have been in my thoughts and prayers ever since. Thank you for sharing her beautiful picture with y'all's story. Keep being strong and courageous, Beatrix, Mama, and Dad. Please update as you can.
  • I'm so sorry for what your family is going through! Sending positive thoughts your way! She is a beautiful little fighter! 
  • ecwkecwk member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    So sorry you are going through this. Your daughter is so beautiful and you are so strong. Sending so many positive healing thoughts your way. 

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  • So sorry that you and your family are going through this. Hold on to every moment you get with her and I'm hoping some day soon you'll be bringing your baby girl home :) you'll be in my thoughts, and keep us updated!
    Married Sept. 17, 2016
    DS Born Feb. 28, 2016
  • First, thank you for sharing your story. It couldn't have been easy. Second, I am extremely sorry you are going through this. Your little girl is so beautiful and a strong fighter. I am praying for your family. Please keep us updated. 
  • Lurking from June 16 but wanted to say that I am thinking of you and your beautiful little girl. Wishing you strength and healing during this trying time. I hope that your daughter is able to go home soon.
  • Our son was in the NICU before we brought him home & while his cause doesn't sound quite as severe, I know how painful and scary it is.  They will take great care of her there & I have no doubt she will be coming home safe and sound with you soon!
  • I am so very sorry that you're going through this. 
    *E 10/2012, H 7/2014, F 2/2016*
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  • Lurking from June 16 but wanted to say that I am thinking of you and your beautiful little girl. Wishing you strength. Hope she is able to go home with you soon.
  • **lurking from July**

    You and your family will be in my thoughts. I hope you're able to take your baby home soon. 
    Me (32) & DH (35)
    Married 10.10.10
    DD born 7.25.16 <3
  • I've been checking in hoping to see a good update from you. Fingers crossed, I'm thinking of your little girl and hoping you can bring her home soon. 
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  • I am so sorry you and your family are going through this. Your gorgeous daughter will be in my thoughts. Babies are incredibly resilient, and nothing short of miracles! Keep your chin up. Positive healing vibes your way. ♡
  • <3 sending love and strength and healing vibes <3

    March 2016 siggy: babies - expectation vs reality

    Brian's Whovian wife (5/'09) 
    AP, BF, BW, CD, CLW, CS, ERF, Catholic mama 
    to Evan (7/'10), Clare (8/'11), Dean (3/'14), ^F(12/'15)^, Rose (3/'16)
    *no longer a Timelord ~ WibblyWobbly BabyWaby is here!*
    <3 but i still feel bigger on the inside <3
     Autism mama! 
  • Lurking from January...
    I'm so sorry you're going through this. My nephew had a traumatic birth, and was placed on a cooling blanket for 3 days. That cooling blanket, and the concept behind it is amazing. He'll turn 6 in May, and is the smartest kid I know--and an incredible athlete already. I have hopes that your LO will come through with little or no complications.
    As for the "God has a plan," thing...I am churchgoing, and when a mass shooting happened recently, our retired lady pastor got up at church and said, "The first person that says this is God's plan, I'm going to punch in the face." It is incredibly inappropriate for believers to say that to you--regardless of whether you believe or not. Kudos to your mom for shielding you. 
    I'm sending hugs to you from here. Don't give up hope. It seems so little, but lean on us, if you need it.
  • I've been thinking about you guys all day. Keep us posted!
  • eivaskaeivaska member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited April 2016
    Sounds like things are going in the right direction! Keep us updated! We are all thinking of you and your family.

  • Lots of thoughts for your family. Please keep us posted. 

    DD born 2/22/12

    TTC # 2 since 7/12

    DX- PCOS. Currently upping Metformin dosage and preparing to meet with RE 9/5/13.

    Ist medicated cycle September 2013-BFN

    1st IUI November 2013-BFP Chemical Pregnancy

    2nd IUI December 2013-BFN

    3rd IUI January 2014-BFP! Due 10/31/2014

  • Lurking from May 2016

    I'm so sorry that you are going through this. A friend of mine has a 2-year-old little girl with HIE. I wanted to at least pass along a resource that I know she finds helpful:

    LFAF Dec 2016 Awards: Queen of All the Food; LFAF PopTart Packer; Most Vulnerable & True to Self
    Married: Oct 20, 2013
    BFP Aug 31, 2015
    EDD: May 12, 2016
    DD1 Emma born May 12, 2016

    An Honest Account of New Motherhood (with Postpartum Anxiety, Depression, and OCD)
  • * Lurking from June '16 *

    I am so sorry you are going through this; I can't even begin to imagine how you must be feeling. I'm sending lots of love & positive thoughts to you, Beatrix, & your family. 
    Me: 30 || DH: 32
    Married: May 3, 2014 

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  • I am so incredibly sorry you are going through this. Please keep up the hope. Thinking of you and sending positive thoughts. 

  • She is adorable and is fortunate to have such a loving family. I cannot imagine how tough all of this is, but you have a beautiful fighter on your hands! 

  • *lurking from June*

    I'm so sorry you are going through this. Sending you and your little one thoughts and prayers!
  • *lurking for TTGP*

    I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I just wanted to say that your daughter is beautiful and try to keep up hope, as @stephanienjer said, there are many many amazing cases of CP just like her husband.
    Angel Babies 1&2 2/14/09
    DS born 3/11
    Angel Baby 3 6/28/11                                                         9/5/17 BFP!!
    divorced October 2014                                                       9/6/17 hCG 88 progesterone 9.1 (prometrium started)
    Married DH 10/15     DH's DS born 6/09                            9/8/17 hCG 242!!!
    Not preventing since 11/15                                                 EDD 5/8/18        Adjusted 5/15/18
    TTC since 1/1/16                                                                9/27/17 we have a heart beat!

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  • ***lurking from June 16***

    Im so sorry you are going through this, but am glad you are able to hold your precious little girl now. Sending lots of good thoughts your way.  

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  • ecwkecwk member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Just wanted to say how lucky the little lady is to have you as her mommy!! You are amazingly strong, what an inspiration. Just wanted to echo the PPs with their thoughts on CP. Sending warm thoughts and hugs to you and your little fighter. 

                                                              Lilypie Maternity tickers
  • Very sorry your family is going through this. Beatrix is very lucky to have such a strong mama and daddy. Hoping the very best for all of you. Keep fighting LO.

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