I really have no place else to talk about this, my DH and I are still reeling two days after a seemingly normal birth that spiraled into our daughter now fighting for her life.
We don't know the cause yet-but something happened and our daughter has hypoxic ischemic encephalopathy (HIE), and is currently undergoing cooling treatment to help minimize the damage to her brain. We don't know her prognosis yet-I haven't even gotten a chance to hold her. I'm still in hospital (had to have an emerg c-section), and we have 24/7 access to the NICU. The hardest thing for me is I got through this pregnancy by telling myself I will get to hold her in the end, My baby has never been held by her mother, which I'm not handling well.
Both DH and I are stunch atheists so most of the common things people say have really offended us. My mother who is a religious minded person almost lost it at the idea that God has a plan etc-she and my father are doing a great job at keeping well meaning but intrusive extended family away by dealing with them (DH's mom is also doing the same-DH's father who we are estranged from got offended when we posted on FB about not bothering us for a few days and rudely messaged DH about it actually apologized when Tim told him that yes our daughter did suffer from lack of oxygen at birth-and that we won't know her prognosis for days, first time he ever got an apology out of the man). The doctors and nurses who were all on during my birth are all having to take time off because of the trauma. Last night the resident came to speak to us, he even said he thought he'd be prepared when he had a case of this, he assumed there had to be warning signs that he would see, and then it happened. He has a 6 week old. He also can't get the sound of the resuscitation team working on her little body out of his head. I want to be mad at the doctors-but they were there with me-we shared that awful moment, and I can see in all of them how devestated they are.
It's so hard because there is no one to be mad at. I'm trying to focus on my daughter and how strong she is. Every moment she is here is makes me proud. Her fighting spirit keeps me going. She is strong so I will be strong too. All I want to do is hold her and bring her home. I will love her forever, and treasure every moment I have her.
Beatrix Louise. Born April 2 2016, 41 weeks, at 7:32am via c-section.
Sorry if it's huge. I'm so proud of my warrior, she's perfect-and looks so much like her Dad!
DD: Beatrix Louise aka BeeBop. April 2 2016. H.I.E Warrior