Another baby?!

kp90 · March 2016

So I've been thinking recently and talking with my SO. I've always wanted two children but given that this whole pregnancy thing has been fairly rough on me during this 3rd trimester it makes me wonder what a second pregnancy would be like. For you STM's.. was your second pregnancy worse, easier, etc? It hasn't been rough medical wise (so I am thankful and fortunate).. just the toll its taken on me physically and sometimes mentally/emotionally. I wanted my children fairly close in age also. I guess I'm jumping the gun a bit by worrying about this now but just something I have been pondering for the past month or so. Any advice or experience from other moms is totally welcome. Did your mind change down the road? When did you start trying again after you made your decision?

cortney626 · March 2016

When I was pregnant with my first and sick during the first trimester, I remember thinking "There's no way I can do this again." But it becomes a distant memory. My kids are 8.5 years a part (due to divorce and getting remarried). But once your baby is older, you'll start to miss the "baby stage". Well some women do. This pregnancy has been harder on me probably b/c I'm 8 years older. I was sicker during the first trimester. Braxton Hicks with this. It's been just much more intense, but still no medical issues during pregnancy. It's hard to think of baby #2 when you're pregnant with your first and dealing with the 3rd trimester! I've had a lot of friends who started trying again when their babies were 1 and 2 years old. You'll know when the time is right.

LadySamLady · March 2016

My H and I are leaving this question open ended for now. We are not closed off to having another but right now we can't quite imagine it, we are only just getting used to the reality of having one child. I won't be surprised if we end up with one and done and if we do have more I expect there would be at least 3-4 years in between them.

yogahh · March 2016

Not to be rude but based on what you have said about your SO in the past, I would hold and see how he handles life with one kid before planning the second.

Chappy_jr · March 2016

I was totally a "one and done" for my whole life. I'm an only child and I couldn't imagine a family with more than one child. Then about a year and a half after my DS was born I started thinking, "what if ..." and missed some of the babiness that DS was quickly shedding. DH and I discussed it for a year before deciding to have another and then conceived basically immediately after we decided to start trying so there was no going back! We're both somewhat older (DH will be 40 on my due date and I'm 35) and don't have many close family members who will be around when we die - both of our fathers died young and although we live much healthier lifestyles than they did, it is a thought that haunted me, to imagine my son without family like I was in my 20s.

Pregnancy has been easy for me so I'm sorry to hear that it is rough for you. The second time around has been a bit more difficult with fatigue and swelling but I have more responsibilities at work now AND an active 3 year old which have made me more tired than the first pregnancy.

You'll get all kinds of suggestions for how to space kids and there are lots of great reasons to have more or to stay a family of three. It's all so personal and specific to your family.

balamama · March 2016

I've always wanted two children and my husband and I are on the same page with that.. but I casually brought up a second recently and H's response was, "let's have the one before we start talking about a second." Tough to argue with that as we have no idea what's to come as first time parents.

gamommyx3 · March 2016

No advice but I've been thinking over the same thing. I've always wanted more children. Like you I've had a medically uneventful pregnancy but man, I suck at being pregnant. I'm having a hard time imagining going through this again. I just can't imagine feeling this horrible all the time and then also having a child to look after at the same time. I'm curious too if STMs+ found pregnancy easier to tolerate the 2nd time around.

mmemartinez · March 2016

We're already having the same talk about a third from time to time. Which is partially spurred by the fact that this pregnancy has definitely been easier than my first. Maybe because I know what to expect, and for sure because I've gained less weight this time around, but also because I know how awesome one is, we're so excited about two and having triple the love seems appealing. DH has expressed similar thoughts. That said, in no way will I be making this choice for real any time soon. Actually having two is different than just being excited about two! And DS is super well behaved and even keel most of the time but that doesn't mean this baby will be too. It will also depend on finances and if I have a VBAC. I guess my point is that there are so many factors I would wait to pin down your plans. Ours are going to be 4 years apart - I originally wanted them closer together but we moved and got new jobs and the timing wasn't right. Now I think it's a good thing because DS can help, they won't both be in diapers and I won't be paying for two college bills at the same time.

kbrands7 · March 2016

I don't know that this pregnancy is necessarily easier, just different. Some things like BH, hip pain, and morning sickness showed up earlier, but I also have a better idea of how to deal with them this time, so they don't slow me down as much. I also can't slow down as much since I have a toddler which is great during the evening, but it leaves me more exhausted by nighttime. We had always wanted to have two children fairly close together. Three is a question mark that will largely be determined by if I have a vbac or rcs (and how recovery goes), how we feel about our family "completeness" once DS2 is moving out of the baby stage and DS1 is moving into the preschool stage, how I feel physically, and how we're doing financially. If you're unsure, I really wouldn't worry about trying to decide now.

edited for premature posting...and typos. So many typos.

jthomas2270 · March 2016

I think my second pregnancy Has been easier in some ways and harder and others. First time, I experienced high blood pressure and terrible swelling. This time I'm not having those problems at all but, chasing around my 20 month old has been a challenge and the fatigue and back pain are more of a problem this time. We went for baby #2 around the time DS turned 1. We really wanted our kids to have siblings. But right now we're comfortable being finished at 2 kids (for now...

hellogoodbye2 · March 2016

The beginning was about the same for me for both pregnancies. But I'm definitely more tired & worn out this time around.

gampster · March 2016

babyfmama said:

I've always wanted two children and my husband and I are on the same page with that.. but I casually brought up a second recently and H's response was, "let's have the one before we start talking about a second." Tough to argue with that as we have no idea what's to come as first time parents.

This is what I keep telling DH. He is talking about having three now. And I have to remind him he isn't doing any of the carrying or making sacrifices with his body and also that we have no idea what it will be like with one! Please can we get the first one out before you start talking about putting another one in!

PYLWhammy · March 2016

My husband has mentioned having a second baby a few times (this is our first) and I keep telling him "one at a time, please!" This pregnancy has been a breeze so far and I'm sure we'll enjoy parenting, but it's still not something I want to commit to, let alone even think about right now!

dsmith211 · March 2016

DH are I are in the camp of "Let's see how one goes first". We aren't opposed to another, but we want to see how we can handle things in various aspects of our lives with one before we make any decisions on a second. We just don't want to commit to one thing and then get upset later if circumstances change. Plus we want about 3-5 years between the 2 if we do happen to have another, so we have some time to figure things out.

1mae2016 · March 2016

Although I'm a FTM, SO is a second time dad. He has a 5 yr old son whose mom moved to South Florida so we really only see him once - maybe twice- a year. Ever since the second trimester ended I've been mentioning that in 3-5 years I'd like to have another but he always argues that we already have 2. Maybe it's me being selfish but my feelings always get hurt because it's him that has 2, not me. Plus, we never see his son due to his ex so really, not trying to sound evil step mom-ish, but it's almost like we're only going to have the one to start with. I'm hoping I can calm myself down and take it day by day to enjoy this LO before I become so adamint about it and who knows, I may even change my mind after LO makes her arrival. Lol

Charissadeats · March 2016

We want two - I don't think there was ever an option of only having one.

I know DH would really LOVE a daughter, and I am not sure if the second one is a boy as well, if we might try for a third.

Many elements and things to consider, but we'll see how life treats us I guess.

kp90 · March 2016

1mae2016 said:

Although I'm a FTM, SO is a second time dad. He has a 5 yr old son whose mom moved to South Florida so we really only see him once - maybe twice- a year. Ever since the second trimester ended I've been mentioning that in 3-5 years I'd like to have another but he always argues that we already have 2. Maybe it's me being selfish but my feelings always get hurt because it's him that has 2, not me. Plus, we never see his son due to his ex so really, not trying to sound evil step mom-ish, but it's almost like we're only going to have the one to start with. I'm hoping I can calm myself down and take it day by day to enjoy this LO before I become so adamint about it and who knows, I may even change my mind after LO makes her arrival. Lol

I'm kind of in the same boat. My SO has kids with his ex but sees them weekly. He is not opposed to having another one though which makes me happy that he didn't shut that door in my face since he already has other kids. He realizes how important it is to me as well and takes that into consideration. The downfall is he is a bit older and wants to make his cut off age in the next couple years which I also understand. I guess we will see how it goes with this LO and make our decision based off that. @1mae2016 just explain to your DH how you feel and that you guys barely see his son so it's a bit different than if he was around all the time. Just be open and honest and hopefully he will understand and you can come to an agreement.

obryana6219 · March 2016

I had DD May 2015, so this LO will be less than a year apart from her. This pregnancy has been so much harder than the first, and I don't have to chase DD around yet. I work about the same amount and I've had less medical issues this time but I've been put on bed rest due to the stress of my job, working hours, and pelvic pain. Like holy crap this time with the pelvic pain. With that being said, each pregnancy is different, mine have been wildly so. Just keep an open mind to how different another pregnancy could be if that's what you're worried about.

laurenmdrn16 · March 2016

Well, I definitely can say that the 2nd time around is MUCH easier! MH and I were just talking about how traumatic the first experience was and it is amazing how fresh and painful the memories are. I remember we were very set on NOT having any more and I was not even sure if I could because of the trauma and family history with suspicious growths on ovaries etc. My previous OB even flat out said I shouldn't get pregnant again and offered to do a tubal ligation or oopherectomy at my 6wk post-partum appointment. I just didn't feel like our family was complete. I was only 25 years old and despite all the pain and difficulty, I had faith that if God wanted me to have another child, I would be able to make it through. So, we used protection and prevented pregnancy until MH and I were able to actually talk about having another child. He was super hesitant, but I felt very ready and he trusted me so we went for it and now here we are.

The two pregnancies have been as different as they could be. Everything that went wrong with my first pregnancy is perfectly fine this time. There are a few new issues, such as more fatigue and GI issues, but I really chalk that up to chasing around a 2.5 year old! I have a new OB who is fantastic and so proactive. I feel very confident in my care this time around and feel like I am in a great spot health-wise to handle a RCS. I am healthier than I have ever been in fact and have broken some of my worst bad habits so I hope to continue on this new path to wellness. My mindset is completely different and I am turning to God and leaning on my faith to really help me process and overcome some of the nagging anxieties and flashbacks. I am also more proactive with my mental health, staying on a good med regimen and regular therapy. I feel wiser and more prepared, yet more at peace in knowing that I can't prepare for everything and there will always be some unexpected twist, either good or challenging.

Basically, feel free to change your mind. You don't know how you will really feel a month, a year, two years, five years from now. They say that when you forget how painful pregnancy/childbirth was you are ready for another, but I disagree. I could never forget what I went through to give my son life and I honestly don't want to. I would endure everything all over again if I had to in order to have the family I have now. I entered this pregnancy fully aware of my history, but hopeful and as prepared as I could be for the future. That said, I know that Luna will complete our family and am very comfortable and at peace with our decision to permanently sterilize both myself and MH after her birth.

CBS78 · March 2016

I'm at STM and was in the same boat as you with my first pregnancy. I had a really rough time emotionally and physically and throughout the entire thing I kept thinking that I could never do it again. Then a few years passed and the desire for a second child outweighed my fear/hatred of being pregnant again. Now that I'm pregnant again I will admit that it's still hard - I was still sick and even more drained this time. But in a way emotionally it's easier because I knew what to expect and I prepared for the hard stuff a little better. I know for sure, though, that I could never do this again - which is why I'm getting my tubes tied after this baby is born!

bkjade · March 2016

As a third time mother, my advice is to just enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and worry about the rest later! It will all go by so quickly, and before you know it you'll have a grown ass kid (in my case a sixteen year old) running around. It's hard to remember to stay present in the moment sometimes, but I really have no regrets in taking it day by day.

My older daughters 2 1/2 years apart, which is great, they are best friends.

As far as pregnancies go, each one has been completely different, and I'm fortunate that they have all been very easy for me. I can say, that being sixteen years older this time, I am SO MUCH MORE TIRED.

I say, it's your family and your body, so do whatcha wanna. Seems silly to worry about it now.

Pascal86 · March 2016

I'm like 10% wait-and-see, and 90% sure I want to have another one. My husband is an only child and I just have one sister who's looking pretty on-the-fence about having kids, and I don't like the idea of my kid having no siblings or cousins. I actually really like the idea of having three, but when I think about space in the house, expenses, logistics, etc., it's easier to just keep thinking about two. Pregnancy is annoying, but it's not that terrible that it's going to alter my family/future plans.

LadyStardust179 · March 2016

Before DS was born I thought I wanted 2, maybe 3 children, about 2 years apart. Then the first year was so draining and such a huge adjustment that I thought I'd be one and done for sure. We also lived in Austin at the time with no family in town. We ended up moving back to our hometown of Houston because that was the only way I was willing to do it all again. As much as I love my little guy, being a mom is hard work! Even after moving here I still wasn't ready to try again until DS1 was about 2.5.

This pregnancy has been harder, but not too bad. Though some of it is due to having a 3yo to take care of, I have had symptoms I didn't have the first time. Mentally it's been harder because I'm scared of having another preemie and I found out I was pregnant one month after starting a new job.

gamommyx3 · March 2016

Finances is something I think about a lot too...I always wanted 3 kids, and as PP said if we had a 2nd one and it was also a boy, we might try for a girl. But MONEY SUCKS no matter who you are (well, maybe not for every single person). I think about everything from food to school clothes to a Disney trip (I'm not even thinking about college expenses) and how it would be easier to give my kids more if we had 2 instead of 3. Then again, I want my kids to all have each other...I'm 1 of 3 and quite honestly if I didn't have my oldest brother when my other brother passed away it would have been a million times harder. Such a morbid thought, I know!! These are just some of the crazy thoughts that go through my mind.

missnc77 · March 2016

2-3 weeks ago when I was having a really rough time, I told my husband there's no way I can do this again. But after finally getting over that disaster of a cold, getting through the GB scare, and having my husband stand by and do everything he could to make me happy even though I was a raging hormonal witch, I'm back to being okay going through this process again. He has really been my champion and way more patient with me than I could ever imagine. We're still open, and it also depends on what life will be like with our baby - will she be healthy? Will we be able to handle everything without sacrificing our marriage and learn/grow from adding a baby to our family? I'm turning 33 this year, so if we do go for #2, we'd probably start next summer after a much needed vacation. If it all works out and we get pregnant again, and I can have a second by 2018, then we will be D-O-N-E.

rlworzalla · March 2016

We have been discussing this as well, but less on a serious note and more of a conversation piece over dinner or downtime. We're open to having kids closer together (DH and his sister are 3 years apart, my brother and I are just over 2 years, and my sister and I are 17 years apart), than apart but we'll probably wait about 6-8 months after birth before seriously getting into a time frame, just because it took us awhile to get pregnant.

Bltbear82 · March 2016

STM and our boys will be 2 years and 2 months apart, we've always wanted two and fairly close in age. Like PPs this time hasn't been harder it's just different. Every time someone posts about taking a nap on here I'm quietly envious.

The first pregnancy was a world unknown so I was more nervous and worried than I have been this time, but the general lack of sleep and zero time to sit and relax has an impact. I'm exhausted by the time DS1 is in bed for the night. DH also switched jobs between pregnancies, so with an increasingly demanding job comes less help and time together. It does free up a lot of financial concerns but this pregnancy has been different in that I'm caring for myself, my baby, and my big baby, and that takes a lot of energy I don't always have readily available!

Bluejay3030 · March 2016

The second time around has been way harder for me. I've been much sicker and the exhaustion is unreal since I have a 2 year old to keep up with. But since pregnancy is just a necessary evil to having a second child, unless I had a legitimate medical reason I wouldn't have let it stop me even if I'd known how crappy I'd feel.

That said, I wasn't convinced I was up for another kiddo until DD was over a year old. It's totally normal to be fed up with pregnancy after 9 months, and to want to wait and see how it goes with 1 before making that decision.

Sienna516 · March 2016

My husband and I just talked about this the other day because I wasn't sure what to do about non-estrogen BC after this birth (I basically don't want/can't do any of the options available, I was on the ring prior to pregnancy). I said I wouldn't mind an oops if we did the ovulation tracking, but we really do have to wait at least a couple of years before we'd have another if we do. We both had agreed on one child, but I really wanted a girl and I thought pregnancy was going to be a lot worse than it has been (altho I'm not done yet...). I did have GD this pregnancy, so that hasn't been pleasant, but I guess it's manageable. My husband said he felt pretty sure he still only wants one, but said we'll see how this goes. We'd have to wait at least 2 years before we'd have another due to he's staying at home and going to school, so he should be done in 2 years and getting a job then and hopefully within a year of that we could buy a new house. Our house is waaay too small for one baby as it is, let alone adding a 2nd one into the mix. I'm just a little nervous waiting since I'm almost 30 already.

codeeye · March 2016

I'm a FTM but SO and I have had this discussion throughly. My pregnancy has been medically uneventful (with the exception of leaving work early due to back problems) but hard on me none the less (it is possible I'm just a whiner! Haha) Due to our plans for our family if we are going to have another one we would like it to be soon. I will be homeschooling our son and it would be easier if they were somewhat close in age so similar learning plans could be used. I would however like to avoid two in diapers as we are cloth diapering and that just sounds like a lot. I think we have decided that for the first year for sure we won't be trying, but after that we may pull the goalie again

lest12 · March 2016

We always knew we wanted at least 2 kids. I seem to have suffered pregnancy amnesia. I do not remember in any way feeling this uncomfortable in third trimester with DS. DH assures me that I was pretty miserable then, too. For me personally, as miserable as pregnancy can be and as awful as L&D was, I truly was sad when my pregnancy with DS ended and TBH, it makes me sad that this might be my last.

We are open ended on #3, but not because of pregnancy (the end result is worth it), but more concerned with juggling two kids, our jobs, etc. - will it be too much? And then we talk about needing a bigger house, a bigger car, a bigger bank account (ha). So we don't know yet. But I do get sad when I think this is my last time experiencing some of this stuff.

araecasey · March 2016

This pregnancy has been far and away easier. Although I've been sicker for longer, it's been easily managed with Diclegis. Similar situation to you, I always thought I'd have several children close in age, then DD's pregnancy and the six months following her birth had me swearing it all off. I came back around :-) We'll see what tune I'm singing in another month or two.

mcb2016 · March 2016

When things were going smooth second trimester I was thinking hey maybe I could do this again. Recently with the high blood pressure and my anxiety acting up I'm having a hard time thinking about having another. My dh thinks there is no rush to make a decision to just see how this all goes and decide in the future. But I feel like I'm not getting any younger.

NB817 · March 2016

STM here and I think you shouldn't put the cart before the horse. Having a baby will drastically change your and your SOs lives so maybe you should wait and see how you both handle that adjustment before you even think about a 2nd. Honestly, pregnancy is the easy part.

We always wanted 2 and easily conceived our DD. When she was 15 months old we started to try for a second and were shocked when a year later were given a secondary infertility diagnosis. It then took almost another year to make this baby so instead of our children being about 2 years apart they will be almost 4 years apart. My point is you never know what's going to happen so I wouldn't spend your time worrying about this or even thinking about it.

TinaTho · March 2016

Another FTM here, my husband and I have been having this conversation through out the pregnancy. We always planned to have another child, both of us having siblings we are close to. That being said, I've had a difficult time. Lots of scares, intermittent bed rest and genetic testing "just to be safe" that had me careening towards breakdown territory.

I mentally can't commit to it yet but I bet it is likely that we go for #2 in the next two years (I'll be 31 this summer so timing is a factor). First trimester I said I didn't trust anyone who has multiple children(because who willingly feels that way), beginning of second trimester I said of course I'd have a second child. Third trimester is rough but I'm sure once I see her face I'll be willing to do it all over again.

JoMunson · March 2016

DH and I are not planning on going on any formal birth control, and we're hoping to be pregnant next year as well (DH likes to say we'll be pregnant for the next few Christmases). Pregnancy has been a challenge but I'm at a point in my life where I'm focused on creating my family.

and_peggy · March 2016

**Pregnancy loss mentioned**
FTM here, so no real experience in this matter. My thought would be to enjoy the first, see how it goes and then decide from there. There's nothing wrong with planning but sometimes it causes us to miss what's really important. I miscarried last may, and prior to the m/c I had made so many plans for the baby and what our lives would look like. Obviously it was devastating that I'd never have a chance to meet my baby and that none of these things I had planned in my mind were going to ever be. It was actually a blessing for me because I have really cherished this pregnancy so much and realized that I don't need to plan everything out. I know that I'd like more children in the future, but if God chooses to bless me with just this little girl, it's more than enough. Whatever you decide, (no judgement here), just remember to cherish the moments that you have with your sweet little one and husband.

khochanadel · March 2016

No way. But we're having twins so 2 is enough! This pregnancy has been comparatively easy (but if course getting harder now) and there's no way I will get that lucky twice.

Plus our doctor told us if we wanted more than one child we'd need to have them back to back before my endometriosis completely cripples my reproductive system. We weren't looking to have two at once, but 3 under 2? No effing way!

tgortney · March 2016

I'm an only child and I always told myself I do not want my kid to be an only child. I've always wanted 2-3. But I really can't imagine being pregnant again. The anxiety from this one is enough. I definitely wrestled with the idea of having just 1 or 2. DH is definitely about the "let's just see how this one goes". We're having a boy and yes, I absolutely want a girl next. If we have 2 boys, then brothers are definitely cute but I would consider a third try. 3 is definitely the cut off number though.

doozer1345 · March 2016

I would see how this one goes first for you guys.

camillaandcarson · March 2016

NB817 said:

STM here and I think you shouldn't put the cart before the horse. Having a baby will drastically change your and your SOs lives so maybe you should wait and see how you both handle that adjustment before you even think about a 2nd. Honestly, pregnancy is the easy part.

Definitely! The pregnancy is the easy part (and I say this as a very high risk pregnant person). The initiation of no sleep club into the parenting club is brutal and starts immediately. Give it time before making life long decisions while pregnant.
It is well and good to get a general communication line going but as a FTM enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and focus on the baby at hand who will require 100% of you and your SO for a long time to come.

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