Another baby?!

lbachran

I kind of wish there was more time to think about this. I had a myomectomy in March of 2015 and was told I had maybe 6 months to get pregnant before the fibroids likely returned. We ended up pregnant 5 months post op. By month 7, the fibroids were already growing back. My OB may end up removing some of the fibroids during my c-section, but a lot of that depends on blood loss. I'm honestly terrifed that the baby has been obscuring dozens more fibroids and that there's no hope of ever conceiving again. Similarly, I'm also worried about being given another 6 month clock if she manages to remove anything too concerning. I'm very happy about this LO, but it's hard to think about having to work on getting pregnant again because my body seems to be running out of time.

kp90

tgortney said:

I'm an only child and I always told myself I do not want my kid to be an only child. I've always wanted 2-3. But I really can't imagine being pregnant again. The anxiety from this one is enough. I definitely wrestled with the idea of having just 1 or 2. DH is definitely about the "let's just see how this one goes". We're having a boy and yes, I absolutely want a girl next. If we have 2 boys, then brothers are definitely cute but I would consider a third try. 3 is definitely the cut off number though. 

@tgortney This. I am also an only child. And while I had a GREAT childhood, I feel like I missed out on that sibling bond and was always envious of big families. I know both have their goods and bads and I grew up very close with my cousins who I consider my sisters but I still want LO to have a bond that I missed out on. Now she will have step siblings but I'm not sure if it will be the same and how those relationships will develop as opposed to a biological sibling. Like I said, I know it may be silly to think about now but I just want the best for her and I am all about family and love the idea of a slightly bigger family dynamic.

proudparent2b

Financially, two in day care at the same time isn't in the cards, so we're planning to see how the first goes and will likely wait until he goes into kindergarden to try for a second.

tgortney

@kp90 me too, I had a pretty awesome childhood. Spoiled to death but had huge expectations on me to make the family proud. I grew up with a lot of guilt and disappointment coming from my parents if I did anything wrong. At all. I had no one to fall back on and it sucked. When I grew up, went to college, got a job, got married and moved out. My parents had a huge struggle with cutting the "imaginary" umbilical cord (especially my mom). Now, I still have to see them every weekend at least and call my mom almost every day or else I'm "abandoning" her. I literally live 15 minutes from them.

I don't want to do that to my kid and don't want to turn into my mother. I know I'm going to have at least 2 (unless I can't) but it's matter of how far I want them apart.

laurenmdrn16

Another super morbid factor is I remember talking with one of my friends who is an only child and her mother was going through chemo for breast cancer. Because her father wasn't in the picture, everything fell on my friend and when her mother did pass away, she had to be in charge of everything. I saw how difficult it was for her to be her mom's sole caregiver and then have to handle all the arraignments by herself. It is obviously something none of us want to think about, but it did cross my mind when we were hemming and hawing about having a second child. I didn't want my son to be all alone if something were to happen to me or MH because even though we are so blessed to have such incredible family and friends close by, things do tend to fall squarely on the child/children in those situations.

NB817

lbachran said:

I kind of wish there was more time to think about this. I had a myomectomy in March of 2015 and was told I had maybe 6 months to get pregnant before the fibroids likely returned. We ended up pregnant 5 months post op. By month 7, the fibroids were already growing back. My OB may end up removing some of the fibroids during my c-section, but a lot of that depends on blood loss. I'm honestly terrifed that the baby has been obscuring dozens more fibroids and that there's no hope of ever conceiving again. Similarly, I'm also worried about being given another 6 month clock if she manages to remove anything too concerning. I'm very happy about this LO, but it's hard to think about having to work on getting pregnant again because my body seems to be running out of time.

Hugs to you my fibroid friend! I've had two myomectomys since 2010. The last one was April 2015 where they removed 26 fibroids!!!!  I had so many big ones they were actually blocking my tubes and tilting my uterus. I was told absolutely not to get pregnant for the 1st 3 months because they wanted to make sure everything was healed enough for my uterus to be able to hold a pregnancy. 
If your OB did your previous myomectomy then they should clean out all the fibroids when they go in to get the baby out. (I know mine did when DD was born) 
anyways just wanted to say fibroids suck and I feel your pain! 

tgortney

laurenmdrn16 said:

Another super morbid factor is I remember talking with one of my friends who is an only child and her mother was going through chemo for breast cancer. Because her father wasn't in the picture, everything fell on my friend and when her mother did pass away, she had to be in charge of everything. I saw how difficult it was for her to be her mom's sole caregiver and then have to handle all the arraignments by herself. It is obviously something none of us want to think about, but it did cross my mind when we were hemming and hawing about having a second child. I didn't want my son to be all alone if something were to happen to me or MH because even though we are so blessed to have such incredible family and friends close by, things do tend to fall squarely on the child/children in those situations.

That is so true! I don't know if it sounds selfish but since I am an only child, when my parents become elderly and one of them passes. It would be my responsiblity to look after the remaining one. I don't even want to think about that; juggling an elderly parent, family, career and what if I moved away.

Kurrant

MH and I are both in the single children. I had a lot of cousins growing up that I was always close with but they all had siblings they were closer to than they were with me. I was always envious of this and persistently asked my mom for a sister. My mom risked her life just to have me so it wasn't an option. My mother passed when I was 18 (she was 42) and my father when I was 24 (he was 48). DH has one parent left and she is 84. Basically this child will up with no aunts, uncles, cousins and *maybe* will get to experience one grandparent for a short time (although really she isn't the loving grandmotherly type.)  DH has 4 other kids but they range from 17 to 26 and likely won't show much interest in this new munchkin. 

Aside from the burden of taking care of me (not to be morbid but with DH being 20 years older I think I will outlast him ) I would hate to think of this little girl feeling alone in the world with no real close family if for some reason DH and I go early like my parents.

kp90

@kurrant You and I are in such similar situations! my SO has kids from his previous marriage but they range 5-19 so the younger ones will be able to have a connection with this LO which I am thankful for but both SO's parents are gone and his sisters live in another state and they are not very close. I have no siblings but I do have both parents and close cousins who LO will probably refer to as "aunt/uncle". My SO is also several years older than me but I still think our family dynamic works for us and again is why I'd like to have another child down the road.

gardenandread

This will be my third child, but my husband and I are already talking about trying for a fourth down the road.  Growing up I always wanted a big family, and DH is an only child so luckily he has always agreed with me about having 2+ kids.  That said every pregnancy is different, and plans don't always work out how you want them to.  My pregnancy with my first was honestly pretty easy.  I had GD, but never needed meds, and I was able to work until my due date.  I loved the whole experience.  Then I got pregnant when he was 6 months old- on purpose.  I was okay with having them close, but then we miscarried.  Then we miscarried a 2nd time, and it became clear that it wasn't going to be so easy to have more children.  Then we got pregnant with my second.  That pregnancy was so hard- I had every symptom in the book and severe m/s the whole 9 months.  I thought for sure when I was pregnant that I was done w/ kids.  But the desire for a bigger family keeps coming back.  So wait and see how you feel down the road- it might surprise you.

Kurrant

So envious of the ladies here having 3 and 4! I mean . . . It isn't out of the question for us I guess but really MH already has 4 from a previous relationship and doesn't really want more than 2 more. We have agreed that unless a second pregnancy yields multiples that we will be stopping at 2 but I would love 3 or 4. Really we both walked into this relationship being adamant that neither of us wanted any kids at all so I guess we are both lucky that our minds changed at the same time.  MH is already getting a bit morbid saying he wont get to see our grandkids because of his age so I doubt he will ever change his mind about more.

On the phone with my friend the other day and mentioned 2 and he says "One is great, two is ok. Anything more and you are part of the problem" referring to how MH will have 6 kids if all goes to plan. 

saraleigh2

We have always wanted a large family and have talked about 4 children. Of course talking and doing are different things. It's been a hard road, I had no idea how hard pregnancy could be and mine has probably been some where in the middle... but for me it's been an eye opener. We still want more kids (God willing) but have agreed to take it one pregnancy at a time and allow time for my body to fully recover and to see how our first one does.

I definitely don't want to have to work and be pregnant at the same time ever again!!! it's been very stressful, and juggling my pregnant body's needs has been a real challenge! So there is a lot to account for!