@AEG84 That's so tough. It's hard to deal with and enforce rules I'm sure since he came to your house with some already established habits. I just say stand strong. Kids will always try to sneak around to do things they aren't supposed to (didn't we all?) so there is a level of 'normal' to that, but I think technology addiction is really serious. What about someone's rule from another thread that said electronic devices all stay in a communal place overnight? I imagine if everything is out in the open, you can check it nightly and he might be more afraid of getting caught since you will know something is missing obviously from the pile? Sorry I have no additional tips, but send lots of hugs.
I'm distraught just seeing the sheer number of little kids watching videos on cell phones at grocery stores, malls, etc. I try not to judge because maybe that kid was a terror and that was the only thing the parents could do to get some sanity. But I see it so often I'm finding that hard to believe. I think little kids should be enjoying their surroundings, taking in the sights and sounds of a store and is it really that bad for a kid to be a little bored?? I guess I will learn when I actually have mine here...
@emgee27 We were out for sushi the other night, and this lady came in with her little girl and sat at the table next to us. We had DD with us (2) and she was playing with the menu, talking about colors, playing with the silverware, and just being a general goof ball. The lady was there also with her husband and one of their mom's. The little girl was dressed to the nines, including a fashionable silver charm necklace...yes, necklace that was long enough to take on and off over the little girl's head (she was 18 months, I asked when the mom made small talk as they sat down). The girl was well behaved in those first few minutes. As soon as the waiter brought their menus, they popped an iPhone holder with a video on it to the high chair for the little girl and proceeded to have a conversation among the adults only. She was basically ignored. And yes, I know she was ignored because A) they brought the baby specific iPhone holder for her (instead of just using the phone out of desperation, which I could have at least understood a bit) and within seconds of watching the video, the little girl had the necklace in her mouth chewing on the chain and charm. I kicked DH under the table and cocked my head in their direction. The parents and grandmother were oblivious to the little girl chewing her necklace, who was watching her video though she showed no signs of being a problem or disruption to other patrons. I try SO HARD not to judge other people's parenting choices, but there was just so much wrong there I couldn't stand it. I didn't say anything to them, clearly, but I definitely talked with DH about it when we left.
@AEG84 for what it's worth...having my door taken off the hinges as a teen was absolutely the most effective punishment I ever received. I lost it for slamming the door in my dad's face (he and I are oil and water-nothing but yelling happens between us still to this day). But losing my privacy like that, game-set-match for dad. I have a step-son who we battle with habits he is allowed to partake in at his moms, and my daughter has similar freedoms at her dads that we do not allow at our house (granted they are 8 and 5), so I empathize with your struggle. Stay strong, you are making the right choice in asking him to limit technology due to grades and life responsibilities! Technology is a privilege that WAY too many kids expect as part of normal life. You are doing the right thing! {creepy, technology-ridden internet hugs}
@emgee27@briterfly84Thanks, ladies! It's definitely a different set of rules (or really, lack thereof) at mom's house. Even if he has no cell phone, they still have video games/tv/etc with few limits. We did not support the two older boys getting iPhones when they did. His phone stays with us overnight; the laptop was hidden because we knew he was using it all afternoon before we got home. Now, it will be going to work with DH. Sucks because the other teenager gets punished (it's his laptop) for something that's not at all his fault - he's pretty responsible with his technology use. I know it will be a battle with the little guy, too, once he's a bit older. It's already an issue keeping him off of video games or netflix all of the time.
Maybe I'll bring up the door idea again. I've had coworkers say similar things about it being really effective when it was done to them.
@imrachellea How dangerous with that charm necklace!! I'm sad that I see so many situations like that too. We've had families sat next to us that have popped out phones or ipads immediately for their little ones and then had adult-only conversations. Just last week a mom, her 7-8 year old son and 2ish-year-old daughter were sat near us at a restaurant and the mom immediately set up the ipad for the 2 year old and then the mom and son were each on an iphone the WHOLE DINNER. None of them said more than 10 words total among themselves the whole time! It all makes me sad.
I have to vent about my 16y/o stepson today. We've been struggling with him on and off the last 6 months (well, longer really, but he's only been living with us consistently for that long). He is horribly addicted to technology and we've been trying to limit what he has access to pretty significantly. He's had his cell phone back since Christmas (taken away overnight), and some limited access to computers for gaming only as long as he is keeping his grades up. He missed a few days of school last week due to sickness, and we've been on his case about working with his teachers to make up what he missed. He's been lazy about that and lying to us and has now missed several opportunities to make assignments up.
But the icing on the cake came last night. I got up around 1 to let the puppy out and noticed his light was still on, so DH went in to check what he was doing. He had found his younger brother's laptop, which DH had hidden in a box of Christmas decorations in the garage, and was up playing games on it. He was totally unapologetic, not ashamed, just kind of a "whatever, you caught me" response. DH didn't sleep the rest of the night because he feels just at a loss as far as what else to do. We talked a little bit about getting rid of his iphone for good (which mom bought 2 years ago, without consulting us) and making him use his savings to buy a non-smart phone. And we've talked before about taking the door off of his room, although I'm loathe to do that. Idk. Teenagers are hard and I feel out of my depth!
Turn off the Wifi or change the password at night. He'll have a computer that will be rendered pretty boring and useless without social media and online gaming access.
I have to vent about my 16y/o stepson today. We've been struggling with him on and off the last 6 months (well, longer really, but he's only been living with us consistently for that long). He is horribly addicted to technology and we've been trying to limit what he has access to pretty significantly. He's had his cell phone back since Christmas (taken away overnight), and some limited access to computers for gaming only as long as he is keeping his grades up. He missed a few days of school last week due to sickness, and we've been on his case about working with his teachers to make up what he missed. He's been lazy about that and lying to us and has now missed several opportunities to make assignments up.
But the icing on the cake came last night. I got up around 1 to let the puppy out and noticed his light was still on, so DH went in to check what he was doing. He had found his younger brother's laptop, which DH had hidden in a box of Christmas decorations in the garage, and was up playing games on it. He was totally unapologetic, not ashamed, just kind of a "whatever, you caught me" response. DH didn't sleep the rest of the night because he feels just at a loss as far as what else to do. We talked a little bit about getting rid of his iphone for good (which mom bought 2 years ago, without consulting us) and making him use his savings to buy a non-smart phone. And we've talked before about taking the door off of his room, although I'm loathe to do that. Idk. Teenagers are hard and I feel out of my depth!
Turn off the Wifi or change the password at night. He'll have a computer that will be rendered pretty boring and useless without social media and online gaming access.
I would change the password every day. He has to show that his homework is completed in order to get the password. I've also seen people lock the charging cables so that the kid HAS to limit their technology use or the item dies.
The issue I have with changing the wifi password daily is that it would be a PITA for everyone else in the house. We'd have to update it on all of our laptops and cell phones on a daily basis. We're not the ones with the problem so I don't feel like we should be the ones inconvenienced, you know? Turning it off at night would be fine, but the bigger issue is him spending all afternoon on it before then, since he's off school at 2:30 and we usually don't get home until 5:30 or 6.
The issue I have with changing the wifi password daily is that it would be a PITA for everyone else in the house. We'd have to update it on all of our laptops and cell phones on a daily basis. We're not the ones with the problem so I don't feel like we should be the ones inconvenienced, you know? Turning it off at night would be fine, but the bigger issue is him spending all afternoon on it before then, since he's off school at 2:30 and we usually don't get home until 5:30 or 6.
Hmmm. Could you write a list of the passwords you will use for the week and give it to everybody else but him? I wouldn't mind updating it on my phone and laptop every day just to mess with a tech addicted teenager
I'm going to cover my mirrors in mourning because every time I look in one I find new stretch marks. Where TF are they coming from?!?
Therapy massage bar from Lush. I swear that any of the stretch marks that I had before pregnancy are now fading. The scar on my wrist is also softening and fading from using it on a daily basis. Plus I feel soft and smell nice.
I'm going to cover my mirrors in mourning because every time I look in one I find new stretch marks. Where TF are they coming from?!?
Therapy massage bar from Lush. I swear that any of the stretch marks that I had before pregnancy are now fading. The scar on my wrist is also softening and fading from using it on a daily basis. Plus I feel soft and smell nice.
Eee guess who's going to a city big enough to have a Lush this weekend? I'll have to give it a try. I found a bunch on my thighs today - I swear they haven't gotten THAT much bigger!
@ladylolly89 I went for the first time last weekend and I'm loving everything that I got. I use Therapy after each shower. Mask of Magnamity (sp?) I decided to use once a week. The Clyvia Stout shampoo has brightened my hair back up.
Just a little sad vent. My close friend from college suffered an early miscarriage after IUI this week. It was their first time cleared to do IUI again after terminating a pregnancy in Oct of last year due to severe development issues and after an endocrinologist specialist determined it would be very dangerous for her to try to carry to term. They had their DS through IUI almost 2 years ago and all I know is it 'wasn't easy.'
She is one of my closest friends from college but all of this has made us a little less close. I check in on her often and have been continuing to do so but everything is always 'just fine.' She never talks about it, vents, nothing. One time she said it was ok, and she didn't want to be 'a downer.' I know it is her choice to not talk about it, but I worry about her talking to anyone at all besides her DH. I think she might be bottling it all up. How do I help her? I don't need her to talk to me specifically, but I really don't think she is talking to ANYONE. Maybe she just doesn't need to? I have even opened up to her about PCOS and needing a bit of intervention myself, but she still doesn't talk about herself at all. I'm just worried about her and don't know what to do. I feel like I'm losing my friend....
@emgee27 That majorly sucks... I know with my friend who is TTC and struggling, I've just been sending her random text messages that say "good vibes," "fingers crossed," "thought about you today," and things like that. She's vented a little to me about her three losses and asked for advice for moving forward, but that's about it. Try to include her in things not related to pregnancy. If you include her, she may feel more comfortable opening up. At the same time, you can't be sure of how she's coping with all of this. She may be seeing a therapist or has started a new hobby to distract herself.
@emgee27 You're trying and being a great friend, and that's all you can do. After my loss, I couldn't stand to be around pregnant women or women with newborns for a little while. They (of course) weren't throwing their own happy situations in my face, but it was still painful for me. They had what I didn't have.
I had to really pull some inner strength together to start telling myself that their babies didn't rob me of my baby, and it would be ok, I didn't need to feel this way... She may just not be there yet. I'm sure if the process of conceiving was difficult, it's even harder to accept. When she has come through her tunnel, she will remember you trying for her.
@fbanke42 Thank you, I really hope she is getting what she needs and I just don't know, as you said. I will continue to check in on her just to say hi.
@Missingchampagne I really appreciate hearing your perspective. It sounds really difficult and I'm sorry for your loss, thank you for sharing. Everything you expressed makes sense and I think I have not been giving that the weight that I should. I will keep trying in the ways that I can and give her her space as well. Thank you again.
DH's man crush, John Barrowman, is in Portland, so he's freaking out right now. Apparently he's just cruising around town. Can I go hunting for my favorite Captain?
The issue I have with changing the wifi password daily is that it would be a PITA for everyone else in the house. We'd have to update it on all of our laptops and cell phones on a daily basis. We're not the ones with the problem so I don't feel like we should be the ones inconvenienced, you know? Turning it off at night would be fine, but the bigger issue is him spending all afternoon on it before then, since he's off school at 2:30 and we usually don't get home until 5:30 or 6.
I'm not sure how it's actually done but you can change your router settings so only certain devices and computers can access the Internet. I think you can even specify blocks of time for access.
Just a little sad vent. My close friend from college suffered an early miscarriage after IUI this week. It was their first time cleared to do IUI again after terminating a pregnancy in Oct of last year due to severe development issues and after an endocrinologist specialist determined it would be very dangerous for her to try to carry to term. They had their DS through IUI almost 2 years ago and all I know is it 'wasn't easy.'
She is one of my closest friends from college but all of this has made us a little less close. I check in on her often and have been continuing to do so but everything is always 'just fine.' She never talks about it, vents, nothing. One time she said it was ok, and she didn't want to be 'a downer.' I know it is her choice to not talk about it, but I worry about her talking to anyone at all besides her DH. I think she might be bottling it all up. How do I help her? I don't need her to talk to me specifically, but I really don't think she is talking to ANYONE. Maybe she just doesn't need to? I have even opened up to her about PCOS and needing a bit of intervention myself, but she still doesn't talk about herself at all. I'm just worried about her and don't know what to do. I feel like I'm losing my friend....
People have different ways of dealing with grief. Like your friend, I am not much of a talker. It's not because I struggle emotionally and am internalizing everything; perhaps grief is more of a private introspection for me. I think you're doing you best by offering to lend an ear if she wants to talk and just being there for her.
The issue I have with changing the wifi password daily is that it would be a PITA for everyone else in the house. We'd have to update it on all of our laptops and cell phones on a daily basis. We're not the ones with the problem so I don't feel like we should be the ones inconvenienced, you know? Turning it off at night would be fine, but the bigger issue is him spending all afternoon on it before then, since he's off school at 2:30 and we usually don't get home until 5:30 or 6.
I'm not sure how it's actually done but you can change your router settings so only certain devices and computers can access the Internet. I think you can even specify blocks of time for access.
I'll have to see if our router can do this - that would be awesome!
My mom and husband are making plans for me to have this baby next week (35 weeks but everyone thinks my dates are somehow off) and given my current symptoms, I may actually start believing them. I'm legitimately thinking of installing the car seat today (once I feel well enough to get out of this chair) and pack a hospital bag, juuuuust in case. It can't hurt, right???
3 miscarriages - 1 DS (6) - 1 DD (3) - #3 due March 30!
@CCLow87 I feel like if I install the car seat, I'm dooming myself to go into preterm labor. We installed the car seat the day before I went into labor with DS. That was the same day I packed my hospital bag. Oops. I was about 39 weeks when that happened.
I just cut one of my dogs nails too short and I feel like an asshole now. I've never done that before and I feel bad now . poor dog
I hate this.
If if it makes you feel any better, I stepped on my puppy's leg after I smashed my bare foot into the concrete slab in my back yard a few days ago. She was whining for a solid ten minutes and I felt like the biggest jerk ever, but she's ok now. I'm glad dogs can't hold grudges because I'd still be mad.
I just cut one of my dogs nails too short and I feel like an asshole now. I've never done that before and I feel bad now . poor dog
I hate this.
If if it makes you feel any better, I stepped on my puppy's leg after I smashed my bare foot into the concrete slab in my back yard a few days ago. She was whining for a solid ten minutes and I felt like the biggest jerk ever, but she's ok now. I'm glad dogs can't hold grudges because I'd still be mad.
My dalmatian makes us feel so bad when we trim his nails because one got cut short once that now he shakes with fear when we try to trim them. But then my golden's got cut short once and it bled everywhere for two days and he didn't even notice!
@CCLow87 I feel like if I install the car seat, I'm dooming myself to go into preterm labor. We installed the car seat the day before I went into labor with DS. That was the same day I packed my hospital bag. Oops. I was about 39 weeks when that happened.
My mind thinks the opposite way! lol If I'm prepared, it won't ever happen.
3 miscarriages - 1 DS (6) - 1 DD (3) - #3 due March 30!
Ugh, I'm stuck in a hotel all weekend while DH is training. I'm trying to be productive and work ahead in my classes but I just want to be home, snuggling my puppies. I don't want to go out and spend money because the VA check for tuition hasn't even been processed yet (FU, VA!) so there's not much flex in the budget this month. I'm such a homebody it's sickening.
@CCLow87 I feel like if I install the car seat, I'm dooming myself to go into preterm labor. We installed the car seat the day before I went into labor with DS. That was the same day I packed my hospital bag. Oops. I was about 39 weeks when that happened.
My mind thinks the opposite way! lol If I'm prepared, it won't ever happen.
My mind has a different strategy, I just simply believe it won't happen to me no matter what! Like for some odd reason, at the beginning of the pregnancy, I had no doubt that I would carry to full term and basically give birth on or around my due date. And I never bothered reading about csections because, duh? I won't need it. And post birth? I would be one of those lucky parents with a child that never cried for no reason and would sleep through the night. I'm not sure if it's a weird survival mechanism, like a primitive instinct preventing me from choosing to never have children. I did have my scares during the pregnancy that changed my mind, but I continue to remain hopeful.
Re: **The Everything Random Thread for April Mamas**
I'm distraught just seeing the sheer number of little kids watching videos on cell phones at grocery stores, malls, etc. I try not to judge because maybe that kid was a terror and that was the only thing the parents could do to get some sanity. But I see it so often I'm finding that hard to believe. I think little kids should be enjoying their surroundings, taking in the sights and sounds of a store and is it really that bad for a kid to be a little bored?? I guess I will learn when I actually have mine here...
Maybe I'll bring up the door idea again. I've had coworkers say similar things about it being really effective when it was done to them.
I'm having the WORST hot flashes, cramps and loose bowels. And Im flying all day today. Awful. So awful. Ughhhhhhh. ::dying::
She is one of my closest friends from college but all of this has made us a little less close. I check in on her often and have been continuing to do so but everything is always 'just fine.' She never talks about it, vents, nothing. One time she said it was ok, and she didn't want to be 'a downer.' I know it is her choice to not talk about it, but I worry about her talking to anyone at all besides her DH. I think she might be bottling it all up. How do I help her? I don't need her to talk to me specifically, but I really don't think she is talking to ANYONE. Maybe she just doesn't need to? I have even opened up to her about PCOS and needing a bit of intervention myself, but she still doesn't talk about herself at all. I'm just worried about her and don't know what to do. I feel like I'm losing my friend....
I had to really pull some inner strength together to start telling myself that their babies didn't rob me of my baby, and it would be ok, I didn't need to feel this way... She may just not be there yet. I'm sure if the process of conceiving was difficult, it's even harder to accept. When she has come through her tunnel, she will remember you trying for her.
@Missingchampagne I really appreciate hearing your perspective. It sounds really difficult and I'm sorry for your loss, thank you for sharing. Everything you expressed makes sense and I think I have not been giving that the weight that I should. I will keep trying in the ways that I can and give her her space as well. Thank you again.
I seriously hate selfish shit like that
The others were removed because they had quoted her. If you look at her history, her comments are....interesting.
People have different ways of dealing with grief. Like your friend, I am not much of a talker. It's not because I struggle emotionally and am internalizing everything; perhaps grief is more of a private introspection for me. I think you're doing you best by offering to lend an ear if she wants to talk and just being there for her.
poor dog
If if it makes you feel any better, I stepped on my puppy's leg after I smashed my bare foot into the concrete slab in my back yard a few days ago. She was whining for a solid ten minutes and I felt like the biggest jerk ever, but she's ok now. I'm glad dogs can't hold grudges because I'd still be mad.