Living in Hawaii and away from my hometown in California so I totally understand! Have you and your husband host together and have the shower be co-Ed. This way all the men can hang out and chit chat and the ladies can still be together. This way, your not only hosting yourself, your husband is also apart of it. The invitation can state "(insert names) invite you to celebrate our growing family". I don't see any issue of this especially if you have friends expecting you to have a shower. These are different times and you should be able to celebrate any way you please! Keep it casual and do a registry of course. But just don't have high expectations on massive amounts of gifts. Don't forget some beer for the boys! (if they drink that is). Good luck!
This is a wonderful way to get around the awkwardness of throwing a gift giving event in your own honour. Just have your DH's name on the invitation and you guys can share in the tacky factor! Problem solved
Living in Hawaii and away from my hometown in California so I totally understand! Have you and your husband host together and have the shower be co-Ed. This way all the men can hang out and chit chat and the ladies can still be together. This way, your not only hosting yourself, your husband is also apart of it. The invitation can state "(insert names) invite you to celebrate our growing family". I don't see any issue of this especially if you have friends expecting you to have a shower. These are different times and you should be able to celebrate any way you please! Keep it casual and do a registry of course. But just don't have high expectations on massive amounts of gifts. Don't forget some beer for the boys! (if they drink that is). Good luck!
Translation: Come give us gifts because it's your responsibility and obligation to do so because we're first time parents!
No. I've gotten invites from people that have thrown their own showers. 100% of the time, the invitations are supremely tacky. There's no way to word that to come out shining.
If you want people over for a BBQ or something, fine. But "Come over to celebrate our growing family. BTW here's where we're registered" comes off as extremely gift-grabby and entitled.
You are the people that had sex and created the kid. It is YOUR responsibility to provide for them. A shower is a privilege that is offered to you AS A GIFT by a friend or family member, not a mandatory event to which every mother-to-be is entitled.
I so agree hosting your own shower is tacky and self serving. If you need gifts that bad you shouldn't have a kid. I hate when I see people in different groups say hey I want to host my own shower because I just want gifts...
That is NOT the point of a shower. The point is for loved ones and friends to celebrate with you offer advice, insight and love and if they choose to bring you a gift it is just that A GIFT. Not because it is a requirement or expected. I'm appalled with how selfish people are these days...
My registry is so that my husband and I can get money back and discounts on the things we buy for our child that we are responsible because WE chose to have this child no one else made that decision for us. Also if people are that entitled they feel they have a right to gifts I pity the children being raised under that mentality.
I dont see anything wrong with hosting your own shower. I think most people are aware of what baby showers are for and if someone cannot afford to host a shower for you, or no one offers, there is no harm in having one for yourself. My husband and I are doing our own shower the end of April. It will be a bbq baby shower, but I honestly think most of our friends/family will bring a gift because it's a baby shower. If they don't, i'm not going to be upset cuz things are expensive..but i want a chance to celebrate our little girl's arrival with our friends and family.
~* Met Husband: July 26, 2009Said Yes: July 26, 2010Married: September 10, 2011Baby Due: June 17, 2016 *~
I dont see anything wrong with hosting your own shower. I think most people are aware of what baby showers are for and if someone cannot afford to host a shower for you, or no one offers, there is no harm in having one for yourself. My husband and I are doing our own shower the end of April. It will be a bbq baby shower, but I honestly think most of our friends/family will bring a gift because it's a baby shower. If they don't, i'm not going to be upset cuz things are expensive..but i want a chance to celebrate our little girl's arrival with our friends and family.
I dont see anything wrong with hosting your own shower. I think most people are aware of what baby showers are for and if someone cannot afford to host a shower for you, or no one offers, there is no harm in having one for yourself. My husband and I are doing our own shower the end of April. It will be a bbq baby shower, but I honestly think most of our friends/family will bring a gift because it's a baby shower. If they don't, i'm not going to be upset cuz things are expensive..but i want a chance to celebrate our little girl's arrival with our friends and family.
so, just so i have this right, you dont see anything wrong with throwing a party in your own honor & asking people to buy you gifts? wow. you realize you're not entitled to a baby shower, right? it's a gift, & if no one offers to throw you one, you don't get one.
So OP, if you host your own shower, your friends will prob have mixed thoughts on it. I've never heard of this idea before but if I got an invite from somebody hosting their own shower, I'd prob go. I might think it's a little strange but whateve. I don't care that much whether or not you throw your own shower.
I dont see anything wrong with hosting your own shower. I think most people are aware of what baby showers are for and if someone cannot afford to host a shower for you, or no one offers, there is no harm in having one for yourself. My husband and I are doing our own shower the end of April. It will be a bbq baby shower, but I honestly think most of our friends/family will bring a gift because it's a baby shower. If they don't, i'm not going to be upset cuz things are expensive..but i want a chance to celebrate our little girl's arrival with our friends and family.
Yes, we do know. They are for welcoming a mom to be into motherhood and SHOWERING her with gifts. It's not to celebrate the birth of a child. Those are birthday parties. It's been explained repeatedly in this thread what a shower is for.
I honestly think its not a big deal to host your own shower. Like i said, we're having a bbq shower to crlebrate but im not expecting gifts. Im assuming people will bring them but im not putting our registry info on the invite. Its not a greed thing to host your own. Sometimes you just want to celebrate.
~* Met Husband: July 26, 2009Said Yes: July 26, 2010Married: September 10, 2011Baby Due: June 17, 2016 *~
For those ladies doing something at home for a shower, what are u guys doing for food and party favors? Ive been on pinterest for ideas but id love to hear what ya'll are doing
~* Met Husband: July 26, 2009Said Yes: July 26, 2010Married: September 10, 2011Baby Due: June 17, 2016 *~
For those ladies doing something at home for a shower, what are u guys doing for food and party favors? Ive been on pinterest for ideas but id love to hear what ya'll are doing
These ladies are, in fact, ladies and as such are not hosting their own shower. If you'd like, I can find you multiple sources showing where it is unacceptable, rude, and tacky to host a gift-giving event in your own honor.
As stated, we are not having this "shower" as a means of receiving gifts. It is a get together to celebrate. We are not asking for gifts but it wouldnt surprise me if people thought to bring them. While there are sites that say its rude or tacky, to each their own.
~* Met Husband: July 26, 2009Said Yes: July 26, 2010Married: September 10, 2011Baby Due: June 17, 2016 *~
As stated, we are not having this "shower" as a means of receiving gifts. It is a get together to celebrate. We are not asking for gifts but it wouldnt surprise me if people thought to bring them. While there are sites that say its rude or tacky, to each their own.
You've explicitly stated in your previous posts that you and your husband are throwing yourselves a shower. So I guess my question is this: Are you or are you not aware of what the term "shower" actually means?
As stated, we are not having this "shower" as a means of receiving gifts. It is a get together to celebrate. We are not asking for gifts but it wouldnt surprise me if people thought to bring them. While there are sites that say its rude or tacky, to each their own.
no, it's not "to each their own", it's rude & tacky. you cant have a shower & then say, "oh, but they dont have to bring a gift". uhm, yes they do. that's what a shower is for.. giving gifts. if you wanna have a celebration, then just have a BBQ at your house & remove the word "shower" from the title.
This is getting seriously out of hand. I do feel to each their own. And whether or not people think its tacky, its the decision of the mom to be if she wants to have something or not. We are not a traditional couple. We hosted our own wedding, paid for everything. My mom offered to do a shower but money is tight for her so i told her we were doing it ourselves and it was appreciated but not necessary. I dont want to have her incur a huge expense but at the same time, we want to do a shower our way
~* Met Husband: July 26, 2009Said Yes: July 26, 2010Married: September 10, 2011Baby Due: June 17, 2016 *~
This is getting seriously out of hand. I do feel to each their own. And whether or not people think its tacky, its the decision of the mom to be if she wants to have something or not. We are not a traditional couple. We hosted our own wedding, paid for everything. My mom offered to do a shower but money is tight for her so i told her we were doing it ourselves and it was appreciated but not necessary. I dont want to have her incur a huge expense but at the same time, we want to do a shower our way
1) A wedding is not the same as a shower. It is not a gift-giving event even though people do often bring gifts. The sole purpose of a shower is to receive gifts. A baby shower is the equivalent of a bridal shower which should be thrown by the maid of honor. 2) If your mother offered to throw it, allow her to do so and throw her some cash or if another friend or family member has also offered, allow them to co-host. 3) Being a non-traditional couple doesn't free you from etiquette. 4) The choice of it being up to the MTB if she has something or not is correct, but that choice is whether or not to allow someone else who's offered to throw them a shower throw them a shower.
IF YOU WERE ABLE TO PAY FOR YOUR WEDDING, YOU CAN BUY YOUR OWN BABY STUFF. A SHOWER is something a hostess throws to celebrate your passage into motherhood. IT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU THROW YOURSELF. IDGAF who you are. If nobody offers, you don't get one. You go buy your own presents. If you want to have a party and not ask for gifts, CALL IT A BBQ. If people bring gifts, great. But DO NOT call it a SHOWER. WHY IS THIS SO HARD TO COMPREHEND? And WHY is the entitlement so Strong right now?!
This is not entitlement. Its how we feel. Its not really a shower but we are celebrating a baby. What else are u supposed to call it when you're celebrating becoming parents? Seriously...chill out. People can do what they want
~* Met Husband: July 26, 2009Said Yes: July 26, 2010Married: September 10, 2011Baby Due: June 17, 2016 *~
This is not entitlement. Its how we feel. Its not really a shower but we are celebrating a baby. What else are u supposed to call it when you're celebrating becoming parents? Seriously...chill out. People can do what they want
You call it a bar-b-que, party, get-together, shindig, gathering, festivity, anything but a shower. Yes people can do what they want and other people are free to find those people tacky and gift-grabby.
This is not entitlement. Its how we feel. Its not really a shower but we are celebrating a baby. What else are u supposed to call it when you're celebrating becoming parents? Seriously...chill out. People can do what they want
A party A get together A celebration A bbq A reception A dinner A function A soirée A luncheon A festive occasion A bash A fete A shindig A powwow
That's all I got so far. Pretty much anything except a "shower".
This is not entitlement. Its how we feel. Its not really a shower but we are celebrating a baby. What else are u supposed to call it when you're celebrating becoming parents? Seriously...chill out. People can do what they want
Entitlement: the belief that one is inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment.
@AOliveira11: If its just a celebration there is no need for "baby shower" type decor or special food. You just grill up some burgers or whatever. Have some folks over and there it is. If you want to "celebrate the baby" why not wait until the baby is actually here to do so? Throwing your own shower is money that could be better spent, IMHO, on preparing for baby's arrival.
If its a simple dinner then I would decorate in a classic way (no baby celebration stuff) and just host a dinner. While guests are there you can toast to your expanding family. That's the classy way to do it in my opinion.
This is not entitlement. Its how we feel. Its not really a shower but we are celebrating a baby. What else are u supposed to call it when you're celebrating becoming parents? Seriously...chill out. People can do what they want
Also, I've seen you twice now complaining about this board elsewhere. It's not exactly against TOU, but it might be borderline. It's definitely not nice and is looked down on.
This is not entitlement. Its how we feel. Its not really a shower but we are celebrating a baby. What else are u supposed to call it when you're celebrating becoming parents? Seriously...chill out. People can do what they want
Also, I've seen you twice now complaining about this board elsewhere. It's not exactly against TOU, but it might be borderline. It's definitely not nice and is looked down on.
Eta: qbf Post the screen shot! Also super uncool OP if the bump is so terrible you need to complain on other boards why don't you just stay there?
I went into my birth month board to get opinions from those who are likely having showers/parties around the same time as mine. Not all users here jump around from board to board so i asked there as well to get some insight from the gals i usually chat with
~* Met Husband: July 26, 2009Said Yes: July 26, 2010Married: September 10, 2011Baby Due: June 17, 2016 *~
Eta: qbf
Post the screen shot! Also super uncool OP if the bump is so terrible you need to complain on other boards why don't you just stay there?
She's complaining on her BMB how mean 2nd tri board is. Her other post in here about bad decisions was misunderstood but a few of us had her back, but ya know...we're all mean.
For those ladies doing something at home for a shower, what are u guys doing for food and party favors? Ive been on pinterest for ideas but id love to hear what ya'll are doing
Do you honestly think people are going to give you ideas for the shower you're throwing yourself? Maybe you should ask the baby shower board
Some of u have gotten rude for no reason on this post. I never took what anyone said in the bad choices post badly or to heart. There was another post in my BMB about it and i posted there to take part in conversation. Seriously...if you have a problem with my posts, you can ignore them. I post ehat i think and if its not the majorities way, that somehow makes me wrong and rude. So whatever
~* Met Husband: July 26, 2009Said Yes: July 26, 2010Married: September 10, 2011Baby Due: June 17, 2016 *~
Some of u have gotten rude for no reason on this post. I never took what anyone said in the bad choices post badly or to heart. There was another post in my BMB about it and i posted there to take part in conversation. Seriously...if you have a problem with my posts, you can ignore them. I post ehat i think and if its not the majorities way, that somehow makes me wrong and rude. So whatever
In that same vein, couldn't you also ignore the posts that you disagree with? What's good for the goose...
Posting what you think (an opinion) doesn't make it free from any criticism. I disagree with you about hosting your own shower or BBQ that is masquerading as a Baby Shower. I think that's tacky and I'm just "posting what I think. Some might think its too rigid to adhere to traditional shower etiquette. Notice, I'm not at all opposed to people disagreeing with me on that.
Im not opposed to disagreements or criticism by any means, but in trying to explain my reasoning i feel like i have a bunch of people telling me im wrong. Not everyone has been this way, but its fristrating to constantly feel like you have to defend your reasoning.
~* Met Husband: July 26, 2009Said Yes: July 26, 2010Married: September 10, 2011Baby Due: June 17, 2016 *~
Im not opposed to disagreements or criticism by any means, but in trying to explain my reasoning i feel like i have a bunch of people telling me im wrong. Not everyone has been this way, but its fristrating to constantly feel like you have to defend your reasoning.
If you feel like you must defend your reasoning-- odds are you are just plain wrong. Good, rational reasoning does not need defense because its good and rational.
For those ladies doing something at home for a shower, what are u guys doing for food and party favors? Ive been on pinterest for ideas but id love to hear what ya'll are doing
I suggested to my best friend and sister who are throwing my shower chic fila caters. Who doesn't love that lol...I said they could have it at my house originally, that way maybe I could open presents in the nursery? But my mom didn't like that idea lol...
It seems people are just hung up using the word "shower". I liked how someone referred to it as a pre-birthday party. I don't like the party after the baby is born idea, because you're baby is still really vulnerable to everything!
I wanted to make some things for the party, but I'm not allowed
Im not opposed to disagreements or criticism by any means, but in trying to explain my reasoning i feel like i have a bunch of people telling me im wrong. Not everyone has been this way, but its fristrating to constantly feel like you have to defend your reasoning.
If you truly are comfortable with your choices on this then you wouldn't have to defend them. Baby shower etiquette is very, very simple actually. If you choose to ignore that then be confident in your decision.
I think it's safe to say that if you don't acknowledge rules of etiquette then most likely your friends you'd be inviting are the same way and they won't think it's tacky. That's usually how it works when there's a blatant disregard for etiquette.
Re: Host my own shower?! (Update in comments)
No. I've gotten invites from people that have thrown their own showers. 100% of the time, the invitations are supremely tacky. There's no way to word that to come out shining.
If you want people over for a BBQ or something, fine. But "Come over to celebrate our growing family. BTW here's where we're registered" comes off as extremely gift-grabby and entitled.
You are the people that had sex and created the kid. It is YOUR responsibility to provide for them. A shower is a privilege that is offered to you AS A GIFT by a friend or family member, not a mandatory event to which every mother-to-be is entitled.
That is NOT the point of a shower. The point is for loved ones and friends to celebrate with you offer advice, insight and love and if they choose to bring you a gift it is just that A GIFT. Not because it is a requirement or expected. I'm appalled with how selfish people are these days...
My registry is so that my husband and I can get money back and discounts on the things we buy for our child that we are responsible because WE chose to have this child no one else made that decision for us. Also if people are that entitled they feel they have a right to gifts I pity the children being raised under that mentality.
5.5.16 | 8.14.17 | 1.30.19
Yes, we do know. They are for welcoming a mom to be into motherhood and SHOWERING her with gifts. It's not to celebrate the birth of a child. Those are birthday parties. It's been explained repeatedly in this thread what a shower is for.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
I lurk. I snark. I offer sound advice if you're not BSC. You may not like me. I'm okay with it.
To save you the trouble of having to go search on your own:
https://www.parents.com/baby/shower/planning/a-quick-etiquette-guide-to-baby-celebrations/
https://www.whattoexpect.com/pregnancy/ask-heidi/baby-shower-etiquette.aspx
https://www.babycenter.com/0_baby-shower-planning-and-etiquette_1642.bc
https://www.marthastewart.com/274679/baby-shower-planning-and-etiquette
https://www.babble.com/baby-showers/planning-the-baby-shower-etiquette/
https://pregnancy.about.com/od/babyshowers/f/Who-Can-Throw-A-Baby-Shower.htm
https://www.keepandshare.com/htm/baby_shower/games/C04_Baby_Shower_Etiquette_-_Your_10_Most_Common_Questions_Answered.php
7 different websites and every single one of them says the MTB should not host her own shower.
You've explicitly stated in your previous posts that you and your husband are throwing yourselves a shower. So I guess my question is this: Are you or are you not aware of what the term "shower" actually means?
2) If your mother offered to throw it, allow her to do so and throw her some cash or if another friend or family member has also offered, allow them to co-host.
3) Being a non-traditional couple doesn't free you from etiquette.
4) The choice of it being up to the MTB if she has something or not is correct, but that choice is whether or not to allow someone else who's offered to throw them a shower throw them a shower.
A SHOWER is something a hostess throws to celebrate your passage into motherhood. IT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU THROW YOURSELF.
IDGAF who you are. If nobody offers, you don't get one. You go buy your own presents.
If you want to have a party and not ask for gifts, CALL IT A BBQ. If people bring gifts, great. But DO NOT call it a SHOWER.
WHY IS THIS SO HARD TO COMPREHEND?
And WHY is the entitlement so Strong right now?!
A get together
A celebration
A bbq
A reception
A dinner
A function
A soirée
A luncheon
A festive occasion
A bash
A fete
A shindig
A powwow
That's all I got so far. Pretty much anything except a "shower".
Edit spelling
Entitlement: the belief that one is inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment.
If its a simple dinner then I would decorate in a classic way (no baby celebration stuff) and just host a dinner. While guests are there you can toast to your expanding family. That's the classy way to do it in my opinion.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
Eta: qbf
Post the screen shot! Also super uncool OP if the bump is so terrible you need to complain on other boards why don't you just stay there?
Posting what you think (an opinion) doesn't make it free from any criticism. I disagree with you about hosting your own shower or BBQ that is masquerading as a Baby Shower. I think that's tacky and I'm just "posting what I think. Some might think its too rigid to adhere to traditional shower etiquette. Notice, I'm not at all opposed to people disagreeing with me on that.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
It seems people are just hung up using the word "shower". I liked how someone referred to it as a pre-birthday party. I don't like the party after the baby is born idea, because you're baby is still really vulnerable to everything!
I wanted to make some things for the party, but I'm not allowed
If you truly are comfortable with your choices on this then you wouldn't have to defend them. Baby shower etiquette is very, very simple actually. If you choose to ignore that then be confident in your decision.
I think it's safe to say that if you don't acknowledge rules of etiquette then most likely your friends you'd be inviting are the same way and they won't think it's tacky. That's usually how it works when there's a blatant disregard for etiquette.