* you accidentally bang your bump with the fridge door/car door/wall corners multiple times a day because it's bigger every day.
* every little tickle, cramp, or gas pain makes you stop what you're doing, grab your bump, and stare straight ahead with eyes as wide as dinner plates while your mind screams "THIS IS IT."
* every physical activity comes with its own unique and hilariously unattractive grunt or groan.
* you spend a ridiculous amount of time checking your tp for all the grossness that could mean labor is imminent.
*you are 8 days past your due date and have an intense jealousy of everyone who was due after you who is having their babies before you. (ETA: not people who aren't full term. I just mean people due on my due date and like a week after me lol)
For real though, my best friend was due the 20th, got induced on Wednesday and had her baby Thursday (although I'm so glad I haven't had to be induced yet, her babe is sooooo cute and sweet though) and then 2 of my friends who were due 2 and 3 days after me already had theirs too... Wtf man.
* every stranger you encounter gives you a "piece of advice" on inducing labor * you're constantly checking if it's discharge or amniotic fluid or pee from coughing/sneezing/laughing that you're feeling * you've wondered if your cervix has dilated at all during sex * getting angry at strangers that park too close next to your door. I'M BASICALLY A WHALE, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SQUEEZE INBETWEEN OUR VEHICLES * you find yourself telling your unborn child to "hurry up and get out"
* getting angry at strangers that park too close next to your door. I'M BASICALLY A WHALE, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SQUEEZE INBETWEEN OUR VEHICLES
This happened to me when I went to small claims court for work, it was pouring rain, and the dude was IN HIS CAR on his phone playing instead of leaving. I just had to wait. Special place in hell.
*you're sleeping, sitting, and driving on puppy pee pads (or folded up beach towels before I bought the pee pads) so you don't ruin your mattress or seats if your water happens to break
*you've never looked so forward to seeing something on your toilet paper that is described as looking like "your vagina sneezed", extra points if there's blood involved
*your hear your husband excitedly say the words "you're dilating" in response to sharing your above mentioned toilet-paper-status and it makes you love him more
*the idea of playing with your nipples for extended periods of time in the day sounds like a perfectly sane idea
*everyone and their mother telling you to have sex (or more specifically sex AND an orgasm) is now normal and expected
*you're tempted to avoid the above mentioned conversation by starting all interactions with "yes I'm still pregnant, yes I've tried everything, yes including sex"
*you can't even visit the birth announcements thread anymore because it instills way too much jealousy
And I'll embellish by saying: * you roll your eyes at those complaining about having no labor symptoms etc, they are at 36/37/38 weeks and you are at 40 or higher!
*You look like the Hunchback of Notre Dame when trying to do dishes.
I have finally discovered that if I wear platforms while I do dishes its a zillion times easier because my bump doesn't run into the counter. Yeah it might get soaked instead but at least it's not as hard on my back.
*it is totally normal to have a conversation via text with your MIL and every female family member about your vagina, discharge, blood, etc *whenever you make a grunting noise or ooh and ahh about aches and pains your SO gets wide eyed *when you get excited at the fact that you only got up 3 times last night to pee *when every stranger you meet has the perfect advice for your pregnancy
*it is totally normal to have a conversation via text with your MIL and every female family member about your vagina, discharge, blood, etc
*whenever you make a grunting noise or ooh and ahh about aches and pains your SO gets wide eyed
*when you get excited at the fact that you only got up 3 times last night to pee
*when every stranger you meet has the perfect advice for your pregnancy
When you wake up in the middle of the night needing to pee, but your hips/back hurt so badly you lay there for a minute weighing the costs and benefits of getting up vs wetting the bed.
*When with a family of 10 males and several dogs and your gas is what's clearing everyone out of the room.
I decided years ago, during one of my other pregnancies, to embrace the gas and revel in the hilarity of watching grown men scatter while gagging and choking. Much more fun that way!
I also want to add... you have a 5 min time limit on time on the toilet before your SO comes in to see if anything exciting is happening. If I'm delivering anything besides my lunch I'll be sure to let you know, honey.
Giving a urine sample at the ob has become an "interesting" experience ...
I had to give one today (38+4) and ended up with pee everywhere but in the vial. How the hell are we supposed to see where to put it! I barely collected enough for the Dr. To test.
Re: You might be 9 months pregnant if...
*you wear flip flops even though it's winter because the thought of trying to put socks and shoes on makes you cringe
*you are 8 days past your due date and have an intense jealousy of everyone who was due after you who is having their babies before you. (ETA: not people who aren't full term. I just mean people due on my due date and like a week after me lol)
For real though, my best friend was due the 20th, got induced on Wednesday and had her baby Thursday (although I'm so glad I haven't had to be induced yet, her babe is sooooo cute and sweet though) and then 2 of my friends who were due 2 and 3 days after me already had theirs too... Wtf man.
* every time you cough, you pee and wonder if your water broke.
DS1 2010
DS2 2013
DD1 2016
*you get off the couch and the baby squishes your bladder making you think you'll pee, get to the toilet and just a tiny trickle comes out
*you are tired of hearing everyone comment on your ever growing enormous bump
You sob in the parking lot of a thai restaurant because they don't serve buffet on Saturday AND IT HAS TO BE THE BUFFET.
*you want to punch your mother in law in the face for saying how she can't wait to meet the baby...not $hit Sherlock
* you're constantly checking if it's discharge or amniotic fluid or pee from coughing/sneezing/laughing that you're feeling
* you've wondered if your cervix has dilated at all during sex
* getting angry at strangers that park too close next to your door. I'M BASICALLY A WHALE, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SQUEEZE INBETWEEN OUR VEHICLES
* you find yourself telling your unborn child to "hurry up and get out"
* When you walk around your house you shuffle your feet, b/c:
A. Your hips hurt to badly to raise your feet any higher
B. You have pets constantly underfoot and you are trying not to step on/trip over them
C. All of the above.
DS1 01/08/03 DD1 08/11/04 DD2 10/06/08 DS2 09/30/14
SURPRISE! Hannah May born 01/22/16
DD born 1/24/16
TTC #2 - Jun 2017
BFP on 8/24/17
* You can't stand up without assistance (or rolling) and grunting
* Your normally much heavier husband's shirts are now too tight on you
(Edited cos words are hard at 6am and 9 months)
*you've never looked so forward to seeing something on your toilet paper that is described as looking like "your vagina sneezed", extra points if there's blood involved
*your hear your husband excitedly say the words "you're dilating" in response to sharing your above mentioned toilet-paper-status and it makes you love him more
*the idea of playing with your nipples for extended periods of time in the day sounds like a perfectly sane idea
*everyone and their mother telling you to have sex (or more specifically sex AND an orgasm) is now normal and expected
*you're tempted to avoid the above mentioned conversation by starting all interactions with "yes I'm still pregnant, yes I've tried everything, yes including sex"
* you roll your eyes at those complaining about having no labor symptoms etc, they are at 36/37/38 weeks and you are at 40 or higher!
*whenever you make a grunting noise or ooh and ahh about aches and pains your SO gets wide eyed
*when you get excited at the fact that you only got up 3 times last night to pee
*when every stranger you meet has the perfect advice for your pregnancy
DS1 01/08/03 DD1 08/11/04 DD2 10/06/08 DS2 09/30/14
SURPRISE! Hannah May born 01/22/16
DS1 01/08/03 DD1 08/11/04 DD2 10/06/08 DS2 09/30/14
SURPRISE! Hannah May born 01/22/16