I'm due with my first in March. I know it's early to worry about this, but I've been reading a lot on the subject of sleep and it's totally stressing me out.
I'm strongly against CIO, and really dislike the idea of rigorous sleep training--mainly because I'm planning to EBF and I know breastfed babies need to eat often. I don't want to "train" my baby to sleep through his hunger and have him end up with poor nutrition. I also want to BF on demand rather than schedule, and I've noticed that many sleep training methods involve scheduling your feedings throughout the day. Basically, when I research sleep training, it seems incompatible with my overall goals.
On the other hand, I want to be able to sleep at some point! And I don't want to cosleep throughout his entire infancy (we will use a cosleeper bassinet in the beginning).
I'm not looking for a debate on what's best or a concrete answer, just looking for reassurance that there is a happy medium somewhere!! Will I be able to find a pattern that's somewhere between rigorous sleep training and cosleeping through toddlerhood/nursing all night? Has anyone else had success in transitioning your baby to his/her own bed without unhealthy forms of sleep training? I just need a little reassurance that's it's not ONLY one extreme or the other!!!
TIA!!!!!
Re: FTM sleep worries!!!
DD1 went into the classic every four hours, and at 11 weeks was sleeping from 10pm until 4am.
DD2 ate every two hours through the day, and by 2 weeks old was going from 8pm to 2am, and then pushed that out to 4am by 6 weeks.
DS1 has been going from 9pm to 6am between feeds since he was 7 weeks old (he's 12 weeks old now) and during the day eats every 3 hours.
So I've decided that all babies are different and that it's best not to stress too much when they eat, just focus on following their lead, and giving them what they need.
DD1 I followed some babywhisperer ideas, but she ended up sleeping in my bed by 5months.
DD2 slept in my bed from day one.
DS1 sleeps in his cot, and comes into my bed around 3am (he wakes and i bring him into my bed and he settles straight back to sleep)
Both my girls were easy to get to sleep in their own bed, but my 3 yr old still gets in my bed at some point in the night. When I have the energy for it I'll address her sleeping in her own bed the same way I have with everything else which is just walking them back to their beds and patting them to sleep.
I know what we do really doesn't suit everyone, but it works for me and I love having my babies in my bed.
Best wishes to you.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
Worry when you have something to worry about!
Our routine that is working for us is making sure I have a 3 oz bottle of my breast milk ready so hes full quickly then he'll nurse for 10-15 mins right after (mainly comfort/custom), then he'll fall asleep heavy enough to stay asleep in his lounger on top of the bassinet that is next to out bed.
For the 4-6am sleep i'll admit most of the time our LO will sleep in the bed with us but only because I won't bother moving him more than anything else.
I'm hoping as he gets older he'll sleep from 4 houra straight to 6 then through the night. Right now im VERY content with the 4 hours after going through the crazy newborn phase.
This! It is WAYYYYY to early to even think about this. You have NO idea what is going to happen so it's impossible to prepare for it.
OP don't let this response freak you out even more. I realize this person is attempting to speak from personal experience but to say it's "unrealistic to expect a baby to STTN before 18 months" is a crazy statement IMO.
Most kids do start STTN long before 18 months of age unless the parents don't do anything to help them along. Some parents don't have the stomach do any sort of sleep training at all, gentle or not so gentle, so they are the ones with kids that still wake in the night up until 3 years old. For some reason those parents don't mind waking multiple times with their toddler but I'm not one of those parents! My first kid started STTN at 7 months and my 2nd child started STTN at 9 months.
What @SLGILL1978 said above is not the norm so keep that in mind. All parents are different so hopefully you can take bits and pieces of everyone's advice because as you can see we all view this topic very differently.
OP don't let this response freak you out even more. I realize this person is attempting to speak from personal experience but to say it's "unrealistic to expect a baby to STTN before 18 months" is a crazy statement IMO.
Most kids do start STTN long before 18 months of age unless the parents don't do anything to help them along. Some parents don't have the stomach do any sort of sleep training at all, gentle or not so gentle, so they are the ones with kids that still wake in the night up until 3 years old. For some reason those parents don't mind waking multiple times with their toddler but I'm not one of those parents! My first kid started STTN at 7 months and my 2nd child started STTN at 9 months.
What @SLGILL1978 said above is not the norm so keep that in mind. All parents are different so hopefully you can take bits and pieces of everyone's advice because as you can see we all view this topic very differently.
I get what you are saying about not being he norm, and I agree. The not having the stomach for it comment kind of rubbed me the wrong way, though. It's like you're saying people who choose to wait it out (as opposed to actively sleep training before 12 mos) do so out of fear or lack of gumption.
Edited because the quote box was wonky
I didn't do any sleep training, that's just her! Maybe you'll get lucky too! (PS-she doesn't nap well during the day of it makes anyone hate me a little less haha!)
I'm sorry that comment rubbed you the wrong way but I do stand behind it. Perhaps I've gained that perspective because of the parents I know IRL and what I've heard from those that don't sleep train. Me saying someone doesn't have the stomach to sleep train doesn't have to be a bad thing. Depends on how you view it. For example, I don't have the stomach to hunt an animal and kill them but if someone called me out on this I wouldn't be ashamed or offended.
To me, sleep training (not necessarily CIO) is just a necessity that parents need to get out of the way so everyone can sleep better and move on. It's such a minor blip in parenting and is not as big of a deal as some people make it but in the same breath I think all parents should do what they are comfortable with.
You are very miss informed. Sleeping developmental. They will sleep through the night when they are ready. I never said babies NEVER sleep through the night. I said it's NORMAL if they don't until 2-3 years of age. Sleep training is NOT a necessity. That is horrible advice. I know a lot of mom IRL and on other forums that don't sleep train.
I don't sleep train because sleeping/self soothing is developmental. Baby sleep patterns change ALL the time due to regressions, growth spurts, hunger, illness, teething, meeting milestones, etc. I am also not for it because for the first 12-13 months baby's primary source of nutrition is breast milk and/or formula. Sleep training is cutting out on much needed nutrition. It's not cool to force a baby to do something they clearly aren't ready for.
Rereading this, out sounds really preachy. I'm pretty tired though after my work day and can't think how to reword my thoughts, so I will just put it out there in the virgin form and hope you don't take offense!
ETA @atcwag
I'm also a big fan of rocking my kids. I was told over and over again not to do it because it will create a bad habit but I never listened. Broke my heart when my son didn't want it anymore. I have been rocking my now 15 month old every single night since she was born and I love it. Wouldn't change a thing.
I am definitely not misinformed and I'm certainly not going to argue with you. We obviously parent differently but I'm ok with that. You clearly are not and jump on the defense which I just don't understand. If you were sure of yourself and your choices then you wouldn't need to be so aggressive. Do your thing dude.
Exactly. We are all trying to do what's best for our families. I absolutely do not judge anyone for choosing to wait it out, choosing to sleep train or cosleeping. I am more than happy to share my experiences in the hopes that someone can take something away from it and benefit. I simply have a problem with people who think their way is the right way and everyone else is WRONG. That's just unnecessary because no one is wrong if they have good intentions.
Somewhat off topic, but was it hard to find a bassinet that worked for as long as 9 months? I feel sure we'll want to room share at least that long, but the bassinets I've researched seen like they only work for very small babies.
My LO is a week old. Right now we cosleep, because we are waiting for the hardware for our crib to come. We tried to use the pack n play bassinet, but I found that I couldn't get her in and out of it as easilly as I would like. She sleeps pretty well, but I'm still waking her every 4 hrs to eat because of weight gain. I think that once that is no longer an issue, she might go 4-5 hrs.
The plan is to room share for at least 6 months if not more though this is pending a lot on her. We are already doing some semblance of sleep training but have not gotten into the habit of cosleeping- it just isn't what works for our family, and would like to avoid it. Should she decide post 6 months + that it's too distracting to share the room with us and won't sleep, the into her room she goes. Sleep training and sleep arrangements doesn't need to be this nasty , daunting elephant in the parenting room- it really is what's comfortable with you.
It helps that we don't have to be anywhere (like work) in the morning, I admit, and can sleep in. If I had to be at work early I'd be sleep training.