FTM sleep worries!!! — The Bump
Attachment Parenting

FTM sleep worries!!!

I'm due with my first in March. I know it's early to worry about this, but I've been reading a lot on the subject of sleep and it's totally stressing me out.

I'm strongly against CIO, and really dislike the idea of rigorous sleep training--mainly because I'm planning to EBF and I know breastfed babies need to eat often. I don't want to "train" my baby to sleep through his hunger and have him end up with poor nutrition. I also want to BF on demand rather than schedule, and I've noticed that many sleep training methods involve scheduling your feedings throughout the day. Basically, when I research sleep training, it seems incompatible with my overall goals.

On the other hand, I want to be able to sleep at some point! And I don't want to cosleep throughout his entire infancy (we will use a cosleeper bassinet in the beginning).

I'm not looking for a debate on what's best or a concrete answer, just looking for reassurance that there is a happy medium somewhere!! Will I be able to find a pattern that's somewhere between rigorous sleep training and cosleeping through toddlerhood/nursing all night? Has anyone else had success in transitioning your baby to his/her own bed without unhealthy forms of sleep training? I just need a little reassurance that's it's not ONLY one extreme or the other!!!

TIA!!!!!

Re: FTM sleep worries!!!

  • Ive ebf all 3 of my babies, and all 3 of them set their own routine fairly early on.
    DD1 went into the classic every four hours, and at 11 weeks was sleeping from 10pm until 4am.
    DD2 ate every two hours through the day, and by 2 weeks old was going from 8pm to 2am, and then pushed that out to 4am by 6 weeks.
    DS1 has been going from 9pm to 6am between feeds since he was 7 weeks old (he's 12 weeks old now) and during the day eats every 3 hours.

    So I've decided that all babies are different and that it's best not to stress too much when they eat, just focus on following their lead, and giving them what they need.

    DD1 I followed some babywhisperer ideas, but she ended up sleeping in my bed by 5months.
    DD2 slept in my bed from day one.
    DS1 sleeps in his cot, and comes into my bed around 3am (he wakes and i bring him into my bed and he settles straight back to sleep)

    Both my girls were easy to get to sleep in their own bed, but my 3 yr old still gets in my bed at some point in the night. When I have the energy for it I'll address her sleeping in her own bed the same way I have with everything else which is just walking them back to their beds and patting them to sleep.

    I know what we do really doesn't suit everyone, but it works for me and I love having my babies in my bed.

    Best wishes to you.


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    Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
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    Kate0034
  • My personal experience if you follow babies lead/cues it's a lot less stressful if you just follow their lead/cues and fed on demand. Don't worry about schedules. It unrealistic to expect a baby especially a breast fed baby to sleep through the night before 18 months. It perfectly normal for them to not sleep through the night until 2-3 years of age. Just remember sleeping and self soothing is developmental. I let my baby transition when she is ready and not when mommy or daddy is. 
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  • @SLGILL1978 so did you cosleep until your baby slept all through the night? This is the part I'm confused about how to approach..
  • @KateLouise it's great to hear your babies were such great sleepers! Maybe I'll get lucky! :D
  • Ours is formula fed. In a co-sleeper right next to my bed. Baby set own sleep through night schedule in first 2 mos. (7 hr minimum )

    Worry when you have something to worry about!
    kaylasol
  • Ours is formula fed. In a co-sleeper right next to my bed. Baby set own sleep through night schedule in first 2 mos. (7 hr minimum ) Worry when you have something to worry about!



    I very much hope my baby will set his own schedule like that! From what I've read, the possibility of that happening looked nearly impossible and that's what had me freaking out.  :/ 
  • My baby is a month old, EBF on demand which turns out to be around the clock (he's a big boy) and has slept 3-4 hours (10pm-2am usually) straight since around week 3. Then nurse for an hour or two then sleep another 2 hours.

    Our routine that is working for us is making sure I have a 3 oz bottle of my breast milk ready so hes full quickly then he'll nurse for 10-15 mins right after (mainly comfort/custom), then he'll fall asleep heavy enough to stay asleep in his lounger on top of the bassinet that is next to out bed.

    For the 4-6am sleep i'll admit most of the time our LO will sleep in the bed with us but only because I won't bother moving him more than anything else.

    I'm hoping as he gets older he'll sleep from 4 houra straight to 6 then through the night. Right now im VERY content with the 4 hours after going through the crazy newborn phase.
    Kate0034
  • edited December 2015
    My son is EBF and he sleeps in bed with us, has since day one. We never planned to cosleep but it's what works best for us. Every night we put him in his crib and a couple of nights he did spend the night in there and only got up a couple of times to eat but did great but most nights he stays in there an hour or two and ends up in bed with us. He usually wakes up at 12 and 4 to eat and then up for good between 530-630. The fact that he is in bed with me for feedings means he can just latching laying down and I get a full night sleep. Also my son is 15 weeks old.
    Kate0034
  • There is a group on Facebook called Wait It Out Method of Sleep Training (Toddlerhood and Beyond) that you might want to join. There is a secret infants group, too, but tbh I never joined it, I found plenty of support in that one. There is a wide range of normal and what people do in that group.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • I think you need to stop worrying and see how things are when baby arrives. Your baby may have their own agenda.
    wintersongruthannbeloved
  • I did a lot of planning and then he showed up! Don't worry. It will work out. My little guy definitely figured out his own schedule, and started sleeping through the night by four months .. No intervention whatsoever. He sleeps great! (I obviously don't sleep well hence why I am on here, but not because of him!)
    Kate0034
  • kdoak2015 said:
    I think you need to stop worrying and see how things are when baby arrives. Your baby may have their own agenda.

    This! It is WAYYYYY to early to even think about this. You have NO idea what is going to happen so it's impossible to prepare for it.
    wintersong
  • My personal experience if you follow babies lead/cues it's a lot less stressful if you just follow their lead/cues and fed on demand. Don't worry about schedules. It unrealistic to expect a baby especially a breast fed baby to sleep through the night before 18 months. It perfectly normal for them to not sleep through the night until 2-3 years of age. Just remember sleeping and self soothing is developmental. I let my baby transition when she is ready and not when mommy or daddy is. 


    OP don't let this response freak you out even more. I realize this person is attempting to speak from personal experience but to say it's "unrealistic to expect a baby to STTN before 18 months" is a crazy statement IMO.

    Most kids do start STTN long before 18 months of age unless the parents don't do anything to help them along. Some parents don't have the stomach do any sort of sleep training at all, gentle or not so gentle, so they are the ones with kids that still wake in the night up until 3 years old. For some reason those parents don't mind waking multiple times with their toddler but I'm not one of those parents! My first kid started STTN at 7 months and my 2nd child started STTN at 9 months.

    What @SLGILL1978 said above is not the norm so keep that in mind. All parents are different so hopefully you can take bits and pieces of everyone's advice because as you can see we all view this topic very differently.

    Kate0034NESeattlite
  • wintersongwintersong member
    edited January 2016



    My personal experience if you follow babies lead/cues it's a lot less stressful if you just follow their lead/cues and fed on demand. Don't worry about schedules. It unrealistic to expect a baby especially a breast fed baby to sleep through the night before 18 months. It perfectly normal for them to not sleep through the night until 2-3 years of age. Just remember sleeping and self soothing is developmental. I let my baby transition when she is ready and not when mommy or daddy is. 



    OP don't let this response freak you out even more. I realize this person is attempting to speak from personal experience but to say it's "unrealistic to expect a baby to STTN before 18 months" is a crazy statement IMO.

    Most kids do start STTN long before 18 months of age unless the parents don't do anything to help them along. Some parents don't have the stomach do any sort of sleep training at all, gentle or not so gentle, so they are the ones with kids that still wake in the night up until 3 years old. For some reason those parents don't mind waking multiple times with their toddler but I'm not one of those parents! My first kid started STTN at 7 months and my 2nd child started STTN at 9 months.

    What @SLGILL1978 said above is not the norm so keep that in mind. All parents are different so hopefully you can take bits and pieces of everyone's advice because as you can see we all view this topic very differently.






    I get what you are saying about not being he norm, and I agree. The not having the stomach for it comment kind of rubbed me the wrong way, though. It's like you're saying people who choose to wait it out (as opposed to actively sleep training before 12 mos) do so out of fear or lack of gumption.

    Edited because the quote box was wonky
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Mine started sleeping 4 hours right when we got home, then 5 hours (I actually had to wake her to feed due to poor weight gain!). She has slept 7 hours since about 6 weeks! She's 4 months now and sleeps from about 10:30pm-5 or 6 am, nurses, then back down for another 2 hours.

    I didn't do any sleep training, that's just her! Maybe you'll get lucky too! (PS-she doesn't nap well during the day of it makes anyone hate me a little less haha!)
    Kate0034
  • My personal experience if you follow babies lead/cues it's a lot less stressful if you just follow their lead/cues and fed on demand. Don't worry about schedules. It unrealistic to expect a baby especially a breast fed baby to sleep through the night before 18 months. It perfectly normal for them to not sleep through the night until 2-3 years of age. Just remember sleeping and self soothing is developmental. I let my baby transition when she is ready and not when mommy or daddy is. 


    OP don't let this response freak you out even more. I realize this person is attempting to speak from personal experience but to say it's "unrealistic to expect a baby to STTN before 18 months" is a crazy statement IMO.

    Most kids do start STTN long before 18 months of age unless the parents don't do anything to help them along. Some parents don't have the stomach do any sort of sleep training at all, gentle or not so gentle, so they are the ones with kids that still wake in the night up until 3 years old. For some reason those parents don't mind waking multiple times with their toddler but I'm not one of those parents! My first kid started STTN at 7 months and my 2nd child started STTN at 9 months.

    What @SLGILL1978 said above is not the norm so keep that in mind. All parents are different so hopefully you can take bits and pieces of everyone's advice because as you can see we all view this topic very differently.

    I get what you are saying about not being he norm, and I agree. The not having the stomach for it comment kind of rubbed me the wrong way, though. It's like you're saying people who choose to wait it out (as opposed to actively sleep training before 12 mos) do so out of fear or lack of gumption. Edited because the quote box was wonky

    I'm sorry that comment rubbed you the wrong way but I do stand behind it. Perhaps I've gained that perspective because of the parents I know IRL and what I've heard from those that don't sleep train. Me saying someone doesn't have the stomach to sleep train doesn't have to be a bad thing. Depends on how you view it. For example, I don't have the stomach to hunt an animal and kill them but if someone called me out on this I wouldn't be ashamed or offended.  

    To me, sleep training (not necessarily CIO) is just a necessity that parents need to get out of the way so everyone can sleep better and move on. It's such a minor blip in parenting and is not as big of a deal as some people make it but in the same breath I think all parents should do what they are comfortable with.

  • Kate0034 said:
    @SLGILL1978 so did you cosleep until your baby slept all through the night? This is the part I'm confused about how to approach..
    I am a huge believer in transitioning when baby is ready. My daughter is a toddler now, and we still co sleep. Sleeping is developmental. Baby will sleep through the night when he/she is ready. 

  • My personal experience if you follow babies lead/cues it's a lot less stressful if you just follow their lead/cues and fed on demand. Don't worry about schedules. It unrealistic to expect a baby especially a breast fed baby to sleep through the night before 18 months. It perfectly normal for them to not sleep through the night until 2-3 years of age. Just remember sleeping and self soothing is developmental. I let my baby transition when she is ready and not when mommy or daddy is. 


    OP don't let this response freak you out even more. I realize this person is attempting to speak from personal experience but to say it's "unrealistic to expect a baby to STTN before 18 months" is a crazy statement IMO.

    Most kids do start STTN long before 18 months of age unless the parents don't do anything to help them along. Some parents don't have the stomach do any sort of sleep training at all, gentle or not so gentle, so they are the ones with kids that still wake in the night up until 3 years old. For some reason those parents don't mind waking multiple times with their toddler but I'm not one of those parents! My first kid started STTN at 7 months and my 2nd child started STTN at 9 months.

    What @SLGILL1978 said above is not the norm so keep that in mind. All parents are different so hopefully you can take bits and pieces of everyone's advice because as you can see we all view this topic very differently.

    My personal experience if you follow babies lead/cues it's a lot less stressful if you just follow their lead/cues and fed on demand. Don't worry about schedules. It unrealistic to expect a baby especially a breast fed baby to sleep through the night before 18 months. It perfectly normal for them to not sleep through the night until 2-3 years of age. Just remember sleeping and self soothing is developmental. I let my baby transition when she is ready and not when mommy or daddy is. 


    OP don't let this response freak you out even more. I realize this person is attempting to speak from personal experience but to say it's "unrealistic to expect a baby to STTN before 18 months" is a crazy statement IMO.

    Most kids do start STTN long before 18 months of age unless the parents don't do anything to help them along. Some parents don't have the stomach do any sort of sleep training at all, gentle or not so gentle, so they are the ones with kids that still wake in the night up until 3 years old. For some reason those parents don't mind waking multiple times with their toddler but I'm not one of those parents! My first kid started STTN at 7 months and my 2nd child started STTN at 9 months.

    What @SLGILL1978 said above is not the norm so keep that in mind. All parents are different so hopefully you can take bits and pieces of everyone's advice because as you can see we all view this topic very differently.

    My personal experience if you follow babies lead/cues it's a lot less stressful if you just follow their lead/cues and fed on demand. Don't worry about schedules. It unrealistic to expect a baby especially a breast fed baby to sleep through the night before 18 months. It perfectly normal for them to not sleep through the night until 2-3 years of age. Just remember sleeping and self soothing is developmental. I let my baby transition when she is ready and not when mommy or daddy is. 


    OP don't let this response freak you out even more. I realize this person is attempting to speak from personal experience but to say it's "unrealistic to expect a baby to STTN before 18 months" is a crazy statement IMO.

    Most kids do start STTN long before 18 months of age unless the parents don't do anything to help them along. Some parents don't have the stomach do any sort of sleep training at all, gentle or not so gentle, so they are the ones with kids that still wake in the night up until 3 years old. For some reason those parents don't mind waking multiple times with their toddler but I'm not one of those parents! My first kid started STTN at 7 months and my 2nd child started STTN at 9 months.

    What @SLGILL1978 said above is not the norm so keep that in mind. All parents are different so hopefully you can take bits and pieces of everyone's advice because as you can see we all view this topic very differently.

    You are very miss informed. Sleeping developmental. They will sleep through the night when they are ready. I never said babies NEVER sleep through the night. I said it's NORMAL if they don't until 2-3 years of age. Sleep training is NOT a necessity. That is horrible advice. I know a lot of mom IRL and on other forums that don't sleep train. 
  • My personal experience if you follow babies lead/cues it's a lot less stressful if you just follow their lead/cues and fed on demand. Don't worry about schedules. It unrealistic to expect a baby especially a breast fed baby to sleep through the night before 18 months. It perfectly normal for them to not sleep through the night until 2-3 years of age. Just remember sleeping and self soothing is developmental. I let my baby transition when she is ready and not when mommy or daddy is. 


    OP don't let this response freak you out even more. I realize this person is attempting to speak from personal experience but to say it's "unrealistic to expect a baby to STTN before 18 months" is a crazy statement IMO.

    Most kids do start STTN long before 18 months of age unless the parents don't do anything to help them along. Some parents don't have the stomach do any sort of sleep training at all, gentle or not so gentle, so they are the ones with kids that still wake in the night up until 3 years old. For some reason those parents don't mind waking multiple times with their toddler but I'm not one of those parents! My first kid started STTN at 7 months and my 2nd child started STTN at 9 months.

    What @SLGILL1978 said above is not the norm so keep that in mind. All parents are different so hopefully you can take bits and pieces of everyone's advice because as you can see we all view this topic very differently.

    I get what you are saying about not being he norm, and I agree. The not having the stomach for it comment kind of rubbed me the wrong way, though. It's like you're saying people who choose to wait it out (as opposed to actively sleep training before 12 mos) do so out of fear or lack of gumption. Edited because the quote box was wonky
    It is normal for SOME to not sleep through the night until 2-3 years of age. I don't sleep train. It's not because I fear or lack of gumption. It's because it's not necessary. I believe that babies/kids should transition when they are ready and not for the convenience of Mommy and Daddy. It's part of being a parent. Whether you have a planned or unplanned pregnancy it's common knowledge that you're not going to sleep like you used for a few years. 
    I don't sleep train because sleeping/self soothing is developmental. Baby sleep patterns change ALL the time due to regressions, growth spurts, hunger, illness, teething, meeting milestones, etc. I am also not for it because for the first 12-13 months baby's primary source of nutrition is breast milk and/or formula. Sleep training is cutting out on much needed nutrition. It's not cool to force a baby to do something they clearly aren't ready for. 
    Lolo427missphil
  • My EBF son started STTN on his own @ 4 weeks. He slept in his bassinet beside our bed until he was 9 months. Transitioning to crib was a non-issue. He was rocked/nursed to sleep every night of his life until HE chose not to be rocked around 15 months. He still nurses morning and night and before nap when I'm home. BFing, gentle parenting and sleep have been non-issues for us.
    Pregnancy Ticker
    Kate0034
  • wintersongwintersong member
    edited January 2016
    I don't want anyone to judge me for cosleeping. I think out behooves those of us who choose to wait it out to avoid judging those who sleep train. We all are trying to do what's best for our families. All we can do is offer our personal experience and perspective. @Bigboobsmcgee seems, at least from the bump, like a logical and thoughtful person. I'm willing to bet she looked at the situation she was in and decided what would be best for her whole family, herself included. I did the same thing, based on myself, my son, our temperaments and what I have researched. We obviously came to opposite conclusions.

    Rereading this, out sounds really preachy. I'm pretty tired though after my work day and can't think how to reword my thoughts, so I will just put it out there in the virgin form and hope you don't take offense!

    ETA @atcwag
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • atcwag said:
    My EBF son started STTN on his own @ 4 weeks. He slept in his bassinet beside our bed until he was 9 months. Transitioning to crib was a non-issue. He was rocked/nursed to sleep every night of his life until HE chose not to be rocked around 15 months. He still nurses morning and night and before nap when I'm home. BFing, gentle parenting and sleep have been non-issues for us.

    I'm also a big fan of rocking my kids. I was told over and over again not to do it because it will create a bad habit but I never listened. Broke my heart when my son didn't want it anymore. I have been rocking my now 15 month old every single night since she was born and I love it. Wouldn't change a thing.
    wintersong
  • BigboobsmcgeeBigboobsmcgee member
    edited January 2016
    My personal experience if you follow babies lead/cues it's a lot less stressful if you just follow their lead/cues and fed on demand. Don't worry about schedules. It unrealistic to expect a baby especially a breast fed baby to sleep through the night before 18 months. It perfectly normal for them to not sleep through the night until 2-3 years of age. Just remember sleeping and self soothing is developmental. I let my baby transition when she is ready and not when mommy or daddy is. 


    OP don't let this response freak you out even more. I realize this person is attempting to speak from personal experience but to say it's "unrealistic to expect a baby to STTN before 18 months" is a crazy statement IMO.

    Most kids do start STTN long before 18 months of age unless the parents don't do anything to help them along. Some parents don't have the stomach do any sort of sleep training at all, gentle or not so gentle, so they are the ones with kids that still wake in the night up until 3 years old. For some reason those parents don't mind waking multiple times with their toddler but I'm not one of those parents! My first kid started STTN at 7 months and my 2nd child started STTN at 9 months.

    What @SLGILL1978 said above is not the norm so keep that in mind. All parents are different so hopefully you can take bits and pieces of everyone's advice because as you can see we all view this topic very differently.

    I get what you are saying about not being he norm, and I agree. The not having the stomach for it comment kind of rubbed me the wrong way, though. It's like you're saying people who choose to wait it out (as opposed to actively sleep training before 12 mos) do so out of fear or lack of gumption. Edited because the quote box was wonky
    It is normal for SOME to not sleep through the night until 2-3 years of age. I don't sleep train. It's not because I fear or lack of gumption. It's because it's not necessary. I believe that babies/kids should transition when they are ready and not for the convenience of Mommy and Daddy. It's part of being a parent. Whether you have a planned or unplanned pregnancy it's common knowledge that you're not going to sleep like you used for a few years. 
    I don't sleep train because sleeping/self soothing is developmental. Baby sleep patterns change ALL the time due to regressions, growth spurts, hunger, illness, teething, meeting milestones, etc. I am also not for it because for the first 12-13 months baby's primary source of nutrition is breast milk and/or formula. Sleep training is cutting out on much needed nutrition. It's not cool to force a baby to do something they clearly aren't ready for. 

    I am definitely not misinformed and I'm certainly not going to argue with you. We obviously parent differently but I'm ok with that. You clearly are not and jump on the defense which I just don't understand. If you were sure of yourself and your choices then you wouldn't need to be so aggressive. Do your thing dude.
    wintersong
  • I don't want anyone to judge me for cosleeping. I think out behooves those of us who choose to wait it out to avoid judging those who sleep train. We all are trying to do what's best for our families. All we can do is offer our personal experience and perspective. @Bigboobsmcgee seems, at least from the bump, like a logical and thoughtful person. I'm willing to bet she looked at the situation she was in and decided what would be best for her whole family, herself included. I did the same thing, based on myself, my son, our temperaments and what I have researched. We obviously came to opposite conclusions. Rereading this, out sounds really preachy. I'm pretty tired though after my work day and can't think how to reword my thoughts, so I will just put it out there in the virgin form and hope you don't take offense! ETA @atcwag

    Exactly. We are all trying to do what's best for our families. I absolutely do not judge anyone for choosing to wait it out, choosing to sleep train or cosleeping. I am more than happy to share my experiences in the hopes that someone can take something away from it and benefit. I simply have a problem with people who think their way is the right way and everyone else is WRONG. That's just unnecessary because no one is wrong if they have good intentions.

    wintersong
  • atcwag said:

    My EBF son started STTN on his own @ 4 weeks. He slept in his bassinet beside our bed until he was 9 months. Transitioning to crib was a non-issue. He was rocked/nursed to sleep every night of his life until HE chose not to be rocked around 15 months. He still nurses morning and night and before nap when I'm home. BFing, gentle parenting and sleep have been non-issues for us.

    Thank you for the reassurance. People keep telling me "it's too early to worry!" and I know that, it just helps to hear that others had good experiences without harsh sleep training.

    Somewhat off topic, but was it hard to find a bassinet that worked for as long as 9 months? I feel sure we'll want to room share at least that long, but the bassinets I've researched seen like they only work for very small babies.
  • Kate0034 said:



    Thank you for the reassurance. People keep telling me "it's too early to worry!" and I know that, it just helps to hear that others had good experiences without harsh sleep training.

    Somewhat off topic, but was it hard to find a bassinet that worked for as long as 9 months? I feel sure we'll want to room share at least that long, but the bassinets I've researched seen like they only work for very small babies.

    Have you heard of making your crib into a sidecar? Most cribs are convertible, and can be safely attached to your bed. If you think you are going to use the bassinet for that long, simply using the crib, if you already have one, might work out just fine.

    My LO is a week old. Right now we cosleep, because we are waiting for the hardware for our crib to come. We tried to use the pack n play bassinet, but I found that I couldn't get her in and out of it as easilly as I would like. She sleeps pretty well, but I'm still waking her every 4 hrs to eat because of weight gain. I think that once that is no longer an issue, she might go 4-5 hrs.
  • So we room share using the convertible P&P with DD who is 10 weeks old and do on demand feeding. Bedtime always starts around 8:30-9 and she is asleep no later than 10. For us, her sleeping is very unpredictable night to night as at times she can do a 4-5 hour stretch or like last night, we're up every 2-3 hours. That said she does show predictable patterns (i.e. Cluster feeding before bed for longer stretches) that let us know what we're in for for the night.

    The plan is to room share for at least 6 months if not more though this is pending a lot on her. We are already doing some semblance of sleep training but have not gotten into the habit of cosleeping- it just isn't what works for our family, and would like to avoid it. Should she decide post 6 months + that it's too distracting to share the room with us and won't sleep, the into her room she goes. Sleep training and sleep arrangements doesn't need to be this nasty , daunting elephant in the parenting room- it really is what's comfortable with you.
    Kate0034
  • I co-sleep with my 3yr old and always have. Once he was about 3 months old I started side-nursing and sleep got a LOT easier. Sometimes even now he doesn't sleep through the night, or it's hard to sleep because he'll have his head on my arm all night, but I love it and we get plenty of sleep.

    It helps that we don't have to be anywhere (like work) in the morning, I admit, and can sleep in. If I had to be at work early I'd be sleep training.
    BabyFetus Ticker

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