We don't have a will, however when I purchased a life insurance policy last year, I put DH as the primary beneficiary and my sister as the secondary if something happens to both of us. DH'S dad has diabetes and doesn't take care of himself so there is no way in hell they're getting him. SIL is 21 and recently married, so nope. My sister has a stable job, her husband is a physical therapist and they live near my parents. I don't want grandparents having the stress of it, anyway
Rave: DH had to go into the office so he took LO with him so I could get some sleep.
Rant: Despite being up for work at 5:50am yesterday and today, I was unable to fall asleep the entire time they were gone, just laid in bed awake. I want to cry because I blew that totally rare opportunity for a nice little 3 hour nap. I can't believe it.
@Sammy K we are really struggling with this as well. My 1st choice was my middle brother because he has the financial resources to raise a child. But with her having a disability I worry that even though he can afford medical bills that may accumulate he may not have the patience. But no one else has the resources to give her what she needs. I know dh and I need to set in stone what would happen.
Well today marks the first time all three of us have cried at once!
LO usually parties between 4:00-6:00 am. Today he was crying unusually much, and I learned I had made him lay in a poopy diaper for at least an hour. DH got up at 4:00 to help me with that, without complaint.
Then after a brief happy period in his swing, the baby went apoplectic for about 45 minutes. DH and I tried absolutely everything before finally deciding it was teething pain and giving Tylenol.
While we waited for it to kick in, we took turns holding and rocking the screaming baby.
Looking back, it's so easy to say it was teething pain, no big deal. But in the moment, both LO and I were crying, then DH put his arms around us both, and started crying, too. It was awful, but I was so glad DH was able to just comfort us all. No bickering about what to do or criticism when each of our efforts failed. A great Same Team effort.
Well today marks the first time all three of us have cried at once!
LO usually parties between 4:00-6:00 am. Today he was crying unusually much, and I learned I had made him lay in a poopy diaper for at least an hour. DH got up at 4:00 to help me with that, without complaint.
Then after a brief happy period in his swing, the baby went apoplectic for about 45 minutes. DH and I tried absolutely everything before finally deciding it was teething pain and giving Tylenol.
While we waited for it to kick in, we took turns holding and rocking the screaming baby.
Looking back, it's so easy to say it was teething pain, no big deal. But in the moment, both LO and I were crying, then DH put his arms around us both, and started crying, too. It was awful, but I was so glad DH was able to just comfort us all. No bickering about what to do or criticism when each of our efforts failed. A great Same Team effort.
Awww, so sorry! When DH starts crying, things are bad. (that would probably make me feel worse than LO crying!) Hope the day gets better for all of you
Me-37, DH-38
Married in 2006, TTC #1 since Jan 2012
Baby Boy born June 1, 2015
He settles her in her home as a happy mother of children, praise the Lord! (Psalms 113:9)
And the peace of God, which surpasses all understand, will guard your heart and mind in Jesus Christ (Philippians 4:7)
Awww @virginiaunicorn11 we have been there! We usually pull out the iPhone music and any loud distraction while waiting for Tylenol to work.... ( I never feel like it works well) but ya know....... Unified front at least right!?
Rave. DH took his lunch break and then 40 min after (totally could have gotten in trouble) to let me nap........ Love that guy today. It's my first rave in a long time. I probably don't give him the credit he deserves.
Thank you for the explanation on the will stuff my in laws while very capable have big of not raising their kids a certain and that way is very much not something I want for lo. We picked our friends because one they care about lo like she is theirs 2 they have the financial support and know all our parents. 3 they match our parenting style. Will people be upset with this choice yes. But with my life insurance my lo will be well provided for.
I'm also feeling the love from dh! We are doing much better at being a team which I have missed. Yay for happy couples and remembering why we had babies with these awesome dudes in the first place
@virginiaunicorn11 you don't have to let him watch the phone! We just turn on Andy grammars "honey I'm good" And it instantly puts my LO in a good mood. It's a super upbeat song so it makes sense!
DH is pretty much completely color blind and has always used it as an excuse to not cook. Recently he has really stepped up and started learning to cook. We have been working really well together as a team. I love watching him be a dad, especially since he used to always say that he wasn't sure if he wanted kids. He makes up silly songs for LO and tells him how much he loves him. This morning he kept kissing me and LO before work and you could tell he wanted us to all stay home together. I love that man.
@KarasTwin that's so sweet, but I'm cracking up about color blindness stopping him from cooking. I'm an art teacher and have had students who were color blind.
@cait7425 he's afraid of undercooked meat. When he cooks he asks me to look at the meat 50 times. His mom is color blind as well (really rare for a woman) and she overcooks everything.
We chose my brother and his wife to take the kids. When we told them, my smart ass brother replied with "ahhhh no thanks!" My husband was quick to remind him that it is literally the only way he will ever get a son. He changed his mind! Lol
I'm so tired of fighting with DH about money. Not even fighting, really, but just the constant conversations about how broke we are. I was commenting on how a co-worker is driving a new BMW M5 ($90,000 sports car) and he pointed out the monthly lease on that car is roughly what we pay for ONE WEEK of day care. DS ran into my backside and DH says "There's your M5."
The problem is that DH speaks in hyperbole and I am very literal. He also handles the books. So when he says we're so broke we can't afford groceries, I assume we can't actually go grocery shopping that week. Then he'll go and buy something for DS or for his hobby and I get pissed because we ran out of gluten free cereal 4 days ago but I was afraid to spend fucking $5 on a box of cereal.
This has been an issue our entire relationship and I don't know if it will ever change. I've even accused him of being a drama queen for always exaggerating. Good thing I'm going back to work full time starting next week.
@KarasTwin my DH is slightly colored blind, but he won't admit it.
I've been brushing my teeth using his sink because my sink is always full of hair due to my crazy hair loss. My tooth brush is green, his purple. The other day he asked if I could keep my toothbrush in my side because it's hard to tell the two colors apart. Hahaha.
@Sammy K unfortunately I speak in hyperbole too and am a huge drama queen. Probably drives DH nuts.
We have the opposite problem. I'm an accountant and conservative money wise and I always say we can't do things. DH recently told me I need to chill because he is starting not to believe me. Which I get. I probably need to crunch the numbers again and get more clear and not just blanketly say we don't have money for sitters, housecleaning, etc.
@cait7425 oh no worries, I tease him all the time. I didn't believe him when he first told me.
He used to have a very nice meat thermometer that my mom got him for Christmas when we were dating, but he was living with his cousin at the time and he used it to grill and left it outside and it got rained on and ruined.
@KarasTwin looks like you have a great gift idea for DH for Christmas!
@Sammy K sorry you are dealing with this. I do all the books and we used to have the same problem. DH doesn't seem to understand the budget. I finally had to break it all down in spreadsheet form so he could actually see where it all goes. I swear half of our expenses are insurance. Anyway...maybe he could do that for you so you both know exactly where you stand. Good luck at work next week.
@Sammy K My husband and I have the exact same problem. He's the literal one, I'm the one talking in hyperboles. It's frustrating from both sides. I'm trying never to exaggerate or misspeak but that's hard for someone that likes to be more dramatic and doesn't expect that every casual comment is taken as perfect truth. Its tough.
The problem is it gets worse when we're both stressed, even though we know this is what we both do. I can look at our budgeting spreadsheet anytime, I just usually don't. I've been trying to pay more attention lately. I think what is really causing the problem is that we've never been this tight before and could basically buy things whenever. But that $551 to daycare each week really puts a damper on things. And then this summer we had an unexpected $3000 car issue, combined with me being unpaid for part of my leave and only working 35 hours now... We're still catching up.
I have a lot more empathy for people who live paycheck to paycheck. This blows. I go back full time just in time for the holidays. Yay.
I sound like a religious fanatic, but the book I Will Teach You To Be Rich by Ramit Sethi literally changed DH's and my lives.
The title is terrible, but it's about financial management and psychology, in very concrete terms. His big thing is drink your daily Starbucks if that's what makes you happy, and focus instead on "big wins."
I hate non-fiction books, but this one has good one-page segments that are easy to digest.
Stepping off my soapbox now.
To fit the thread: A throwback rave is that DH followed the methods of that book with me for 6 months before we got engaged. Because I told him I wasn't marrying someone who had no savings account and couldn't manage money. (Cue DH's lifelong "How you get engaged to a Jewish girl" jokes, lol!)
@virginiaunicorn11 I used to read that blog all the time, ironically until it just turned into him trying to constantly sell his book. It was all really good stuff though.
DH rave, my husband only went to school until he was 8 and then had to leave a get a job as a roof maker. He's always felt that he was less than everyone and would never be anything more than a dishwasher. On Friday he has received a nomination for the best trainee chef in my state and today he has been head hunted by a head chef who was Gordon ramseys sous chef and the exec chef of the 7 star hotel in Dubai. Super proud of him!!! The best thing was when I asked him how he felt he said he's so excited because our daughter will be so happy to say her dads a chef and not a cleaner. He's waited a long time and had really had such a hard life of poverty and bad luck and now everything is looking up for him.
DH travels a lot for work which sucks because he's usually gone all week but whenever he's gone he always sends lo a postcard from the state he's in and talks about what he's doing. I love it and have been keeping all of them in order so I can make them into a book when she goes to college. Gosh I love that man! ❥
DH got back really late last Friday and lo was already in bed so he was super pumped to feed her breakfast in the morning. Even the dog missed him like crazy!
Not a big rant really. DH is wonderful and always helps with the kids, housework, and dinner. I do have to say though, sometimes he just doesn't think. This past weekend he woke me up at 8 Saturday and Sunday even though both kids were still sleeping. He was up (he gets up early for work normally so he's used to getting up at 5 or so) and I guess he was bored or whatever so he decided to wake me up at 8. I still was able to sleep in till 8 but I told him on Sunday in no uncertain terms that unless something was wrong, DO NOT wake me up if both kids are still sleeping!
@karastwin & @amccoy129 Thanks, its kind of shifted his attitude in our marriage too. I guess when your feeling good about yourself everything is better, very proud of him. Just wish he could see how intelligent he is without having been to school. The guy can speak 6 languages fluently, read and write in 4 of those languages. School doesnt make you smart.
Not a big rant really. DH is wonderful and always helps with the kids, housework, and dinner. I do have to say though, sometimes he just doesn't think. This past weekend he woke me up at 8 Saturday and Sunday even though both kids were still sleeping. He was up (he gets up early for work normally so he's used to getting up at 5 or so) and I guess he was bored or whatever so he decided to wake me up at 8. I still was able to sleep in till 8 but I told him on Sunday in no uncertain terms that unless something was wrong, DO NOT wake me up if both kids are still sleeping!
Oh thats so painful! heres hoping hes listened and learnt..
We went to a bar/restaurant for lunch today. DH burped LO and then I put the baby in his stroller for a nap.
Several minutes later, I noticed DH was sitting large, being all manly, looking around the room with his elbow propped up on the back of his chair... As if he was proudly displaying the burp cloth that was still on his shoulder!
Made us laugh for 5 minutes, and poor DH drew his body language in, after that.
Re: DH/SO rants & raves - November
Rant: Despite being up for work at 5:50am yesterday and today, I was unable to fall asleep the entire time they were gone, just laid in bed awake. I want to cry because I blew that totally rare opportunity for a nice little 3 hour nap. I can't believe it.
LO usually parties between 4:00-6:00 am. Today he was crying unusually much, and I learned I had made him lay in a poopy diaper for at least an hour. DH got up at 4:00 to help me with that, without complaint.
Then after a brief happy period in his swing, the baby went apoplectic for about 45 minutes. DH and I tried absolutely everything before finally deciding it was teething pain and giving Tylenol.
While we waited for it to kick in, we took turns holding and rocking the screaming baby.
Looking back, it's so easy to say it was teething pain, no big deal. But in the moment, both LO and I were crying, then DH put his arms around us both, and started crying, too. It was awful, but I was so glad DH was able to just comfort us all. No bickering about what to do or criticism when each of our efforts failed. A great Same Team effort.
Unified front at least right!?
Rave. DH took his lunch break and then 40 min after (totally could have gotten in trouble) to let me nap........
Love that guy today. It's my first rave in a long time. I probably don't give him the credit he deserves.
So glad you got a nap today!
And it instantly puts my LO in a good mood. It's a super upbeat song so it makes sense!
The problem is that DH speaks in hyperbole and I am very literal. He also handles the books. So when he says we're so broke we can't afford groceries, I assume we can't actually go grocery shopping that week. Then he'll go and buy something for DS or for his hobby and I get pissed because we ran out of gluten free cereal 4 days ago but I was afraid to spend fucking $5 on a box of cereal.
This has been an issue our entire relationship and I don't know if it will ever change. I've even accused him of being a drama queen for always exaggerating. Good thing I'm going back to work full time starting next week.
I've been brushing my teeth using his sink because my sink is always full of hair due to my crazy hair loss. My tooth brush is green, his purple. The other day he asked if I could keep my toothbrush in my side because it's hard to tell the two colors apart. Hahaha.
@Sammy K unfortunately I speak in hyperbole too and am a huge drama queen. Probably drives DH nuts.
He used to have a very nice meat thermometer that my mom got him for Christmas when we were dating, but he was living with his cousin at the time and he used it to grill and left it outside and it got rained on and ruined.
@Sammy K sorry you are dealing with this. I do all the books and we used to have the same problem. DH doesn't seem to understand the budget. I finally had to break it all down in spreadsheet form so he could actually see where it all goes. I swear half of our expenses are insurance. Anyway...maybe he could do that for you so you both know exactly where you stand. Good luck at work next week.
I have a lot more empathy for people who live paycheck to paycheck. This blows. I go back full time just in time for the holidays. Yay.
The title is terrible, but it's about financial management and psychology, in very concrete terms. His big thing is drink your daily Starbucks if that's what makes you happy, and focus instead on "big wins."
I hate non-fiction books, but this one has good one-page segments that are easy to digest.
Stepping off my soapbox now.
To fit the thread: A throwback rave is that DH followed the methods of that book with me for 6 months before we got engaged. Because I told him I wasn't marrying someone who had no savings account and couldn't manage money. (Cue DH's lifelong "How you get engaged to a Jewish girl" jokes, lol!)
https://qz.com/273255/how-american-parenting-is-killing-the-american-marriage/
DH got back really late last Friday and lo was already in bed so he was super pumped to feed her breakfast in the morning. Even the dog missed him like crazy!
Oh thats so painful! heres hoping hes listened and learnt..
Several minutes later, I noticed DH was sitting large, being all manly, looking around the room with his elbow propped up on the back of his chair... As if he was proudly displaying the burp cloth that was still on his shoulder!
Made us laugh for 5 minutes, and poor DH drew his body language in, after that.