Family rants & raves - November — The Bump
June 2015 Moms

Family rants & raves - November

What good or bad things are your families up to?

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Re: Family rants & raves - November

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  • MIL commented on me not bathing LO everyday. Umm no babies don't need baths everyday it's bad for their skin. So his junk had some white stuff in it and he smells like pee.. he's in a diaper 24/7 and that's what wipes are for. I'm not risking his soft skin because she gave dh a bath everyday. That's why people do research to tell old idiots they did it wrong. I mean come on babies dont get funky like you do. Your 400+ lbs. She takes a three min shower and STILL smells bad. Don't lecture me on my baby. Ugh. In top of that mess Dh has three teenage boys that I take care of. I clean for them, cook homade meals for them, take them to the Dr and go to every game they have. Their mother left and I try to make up for it but, I'm not their mom and can't have an opinion on their discipline??? Ss lied about where he was, was caught at a drug dealers house and had chewing tobacoo on him but isn't grounded? The week before yelled at me saying I shouldn't but in when I say he shouldn't yell at his dad. I don't get it? DH yells at DD when she doesn't eat or when she can't remember letters...two things I wouldn't yell at her for but I shouldn't butt in??? Its been a shit week. Shew.
    klkonwiklirwin82
  • DH really wanted a replacement leather jacket, for the one the airline lost. It was almost $400, so I asked MIL if she wanted to go in on it with me for his birthday - and told her if not, no biggie. DH reallllllyyy wanted it, so I would just go ahead and get it. She made me feel bad about spending so much money, but whatever. She agrees to go in on it with me. Then she calls a local outfitter, gets it for half price, then texts me that this is just going to be her gift to him. And suggests a few other things I could get him. Uhhhh... Tonight was DH's birthday party. He just absolutely lit up when he opened the jacket. (Awesome!) Later he asked me if I knew his mom was getting that for him. I just smiled through clenched teeth and nodded. I guess what matters most is he's happy, right? It's so petty, but I knew it was a thoughtful present and really wanted DH to feel like I did that for him. She didn't mean to be an ass, but way to edge me out, lady.
    I must be petty too because this would get on my nerves. But like you said, what matters is that he's happy.
    JessHeppellvirginiaunicorn11jessieR358
  • @virginiaunicorn11 that would annoy me too, especially given her initial reaction to your idea. But oh well, it's not something worth a big argument, right?
    virginiaunicorn11
  • ^^ that is amazing. Definitely screen shotting that
    devyns2ndMixedCurlsXo
  • ^^ hahaha. yes MIL my 4/5 month old loves to put his feet in the sand and eat snow.. 
    klkonwiMommaswizz
  • ^^^ brilliant. I'm stealing that.
    • Married 6/1/2012
    • BFP #1 - 11/17/2012 -  MC 12/10/2012
    • BFP #2 - 2/12/2013 - EDD 10/17/2013 - DD Born 10/10/2013
    • BFP #3 - 1/29/2014 - Ectopic pregnancy discovered 1/31/2014
    • BFP #4 - 9/28/2014 - EDD 6/4/2015 - DS Born 5/31/2015


    devyns2nd
  • MouseMama817MouseMama817 member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited November 2015
    Quick back story: My grandmother broke her pelvis this past summer and almost simultaneously her caretaker (my uncle) got a DUI and lost his drivers license. So a lot of responsibility has fallen to me to drive everyone around to get back and forth to help take care of her and I'm starting to feel very overwhelmed and unappreciated. 

    This morning, for example: I picked Mom up at 11, went downstairs to carry her walker up (she has MS and needs it to get around), got her to the car, did my usual fight with the walker to get it to fit in my trunk, then drove to the Shell to pick up a Coke and banana for my grandmother, per her request. Got to Gma's, unloaded the walker and dropped Mom off. Then I got home and had to pump again for a half hour, then fed DD her bottle, then tried to let her nap but I could only allow her to nap for like 15 minutes before I had to leave to go get Mom again (she didn't want to stay long, just wanted to be there because otherwise my uncle said he wasn't going to his AA meeting). So I packed DD up, and got everything down the stairs and loaded into the car. Get to Gma's and Mom asked me to wash Gma's hair for her which I of course do not mind. So I maneuvered around Gma's walker and oxygen machine to get her hair washed, got her into the living room and am towel-drying her hair when DD has a poop. I told Mom I'd change it in just a second, but that I needed to change Gma's shirt because it had gotten wet. While I'm changing her shirt, DD had an out-the-side poop!! I rushed over to help and realized that I'd used her last diaper from the diaper bag when we first got there. So I hauled ass to Publix to buy her a pack of diapers. When I got back we got her changed and I told Mom we needed to go because DD was now fussy because she still hadn't had a nap yet and Mom starts poking fun at me, saying I should be used to packing the diaper bag by now and did I pick up Midol at Publix as well? Not cool! I wasn't at all snappy to anybody, it was just apparent that I was stressed out. I can't be stressed? I was expecting to go pick Mom up and take her home. I wasn't expecting that we would be staying for as long as we did. I know I should always be prepared but come on. As much running around as I've been doing for her I'm bound to forget a few things once in a while. I'm not perfect!! And I think she forgets that my life is not a movie montage where if I'm asked to take her somewhere or run an errand for her I just blink and it's done. There are logistics that go into all of it. 

    I'm trying to be more of a help since I'm going to be home full time. I don't mind helping at all but don't tell me I'm hormonal when I interrupt my baby's nap schedule multiple times a week to accommodate everyone, and can barely find time to pump for her meals in between all the schlepping. And yes, moms everywhere have to juggle. But I'm still allowed to vent, right? :)
  • amccoy129 said:

    ^^^^I need a nap after reading that. Yes...you're allowed to vent!

    @messymolly08 yes, for real!
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    virginiaunicorn11cbrtncanadianlovethatcolosun
  • amccoy129 said:
    ^^^^I need a nap after reading that. Yes...you're allowed to vent!
    Right?? I didn't mean for it to end up so long but I feel much better now 
    lovethatcolosun
  • Is there anyone else who could help with this responsibility? The same diaper thing happened to me too. We were in town for dinner and she pooped (stayed in diaper tho) and I went to change her and realized I never put more diapers in. Cvs was 1 minute away so I just ran there quick while my fiancé held her so it didn't leak out lol.
    MouseMama817alcrimminslovethatcolosun
  • My moms sister tries to help as much as she can in between her 2 kids schedules and a full time job but honestly it's not enough. I decided today that I have to stop trying to be all things to all people and put mine and the baby's schedule first. I'm so used to being overly polite and spreading myself way too thin and I need to realize I can't continue that behavior with a LO. I put baby girl down for a nap once we were home and she slept for 3.5 hours! Slept right through 2 feedings. I put her down for her usual bedtime 1.5 hours after she finally woke up and she's knocked out again! I'm officially done allowing her schedule to be thrown out of whack.
    HoosOnFirstKaLikeAWindlovethatcolosun
  • yes definitely putting LO's schedule before anyone else is a good idea, especially because it seems that you didn't have to go over to your grandmas at a certain time. obviously sometimes you can't always be home and keep her on schedule but I would try to, they can wait :)  We just went to CT for 2 days and LO ended up napping pretty well between the pack n play, stroller, car, ferry. my fiancé thinks I'm crazy because on the weekends i like to have LO nap at home before we do anything but sometimes it doesn't work out and i get upset when were out and she's cranky and can't fall asleep. I'm trying to be a little more relaxed because he naps are so short anyway that if she misses one it sucks 
    MouseMama817lovethatcolosun
  • Update: I nerded out and typed up a time chart w/ the blocks of time I'll be unavailable to help out and emailed it to my family. They teased me a bit but now everyone knows what the boundaries are! :):smiley:

    New rant (unfortunately): We haven't seen MIL for a few weeks and I feel bad for admitting it's been really nice. She always asks us a million questions about how we're parenting LO and then tries to impress upon us what she thinks we should be doing. It's a constant, incessant, nonstop thing the whole time we're with her. Anyways, the in laws came over last night and did LO's bedtime routine with her and I was actually excited to see them. That didn't last long lol.
    While giving her her bottle MIL gave me a horrified, almost accusatory look and said "she's hungry!" No shit. It's her bedtime feeding. If she wasn't hungry for it we wouldn't give it to her. I just smiled and said "I bet, it's dinner time." And walked away.
    Then even though DD's bedtime is at 8, she brought her into the living room and passed her around til 8:45. DH told her that was enough so MIL took her into the nursery. When she hadn't emerged 20 minutes later, DH went in and found her trying to play dress-up with my crying baby! >=(
    Once we finally had DD asleep, she started asking me why I'm not giving LO water or rice cereal. I couldn't understand what she was asking because she doesn't speak very good English so DH took over. I forgot to ask what the translation was and the next day he said she was telling him that rice cereal purifies the milk. How does that even make sense? I understand that her generation gave water/rice cereal and that's fine, but at least know why you do it. Don't just make up bullshit.

    We're celebrating Thanksgiving early with his family this Saturday and I'm not looking forward to being stuck in a house with them all day. DH and I already agreed that we're going to wear her for much of the time to avoid her being passed around too much. And I fully intend to treat her nap times as sacred. Probably gonna rock the boat a bit buuuut I don't care :)
    lovethatcolosunKaLikeAWindashleymc09cbrtncanadian
  • So I had my mom come over to help me with a few of my dads aunts that I forgot to add to our guest list for the wedding. She left pissed off because I don't want to invite a couple people. Sorry but I'm not inviting random people that I don't want at my wedding just because my dad is paying for some of it. Her excuse is that her parents paid for the entire wedding and invited people she didn't want there. Sorry mom but your not paying for the whole thing otherwise you could invite these random people. The people aren't even related so she needs to get over it. Sorry for the rant but I can't deal with her craziness

    You don't have to apologize for ranting! This is the place to do it (see my multiple posts above lol).
    We almost had that issue when we were planning our wedding. Except we were paying for the entire thing. We told MIL we were only inviting immediate family and a couple of very close friends and she responded with "but what about my friends?!" Lol. She did offer to pay whatever it would cost to have those extra people there, but this is coming from a woman who constantly asks us for money. Needless to say we had the exact guest list we intended. Good for you for standing your ground!
  • ^^^ I feel like this issue is very common. We had this also.
    KaLikeAWindvirginiaunicorn11alcrimmins

  • So I had my mom come over to help me with a few of my dads aunts that I forgot to add to our guest list for the wedding. She left pissed off because I don't want to invite a couple people. Sorry but I'm not inviting random people that I don't want at my wedding just because my dad is paying for some of it. Her excuse is that her parents paid for the entire wedding and invited people she didn't want there. Sorry mom but your not paying for the whole thing otherwise you could invite these random people. The people aren't even related so she needs to get over it. Sorry for the rant but I can't deal with her craziness
    Weddings have such a way of bringing out the uglier side of family.  I think everyone who's gotten married has gone through this to a certain degree. I know I tried to fight my parents on inviting some people that they wanted (and DH and i paid for the majority of our wedding.. like 85% of everything). I found the easiest resolution was to just give in. I'm not sure if i was beaten into submission or just didn't give a shit anymore. It just became easier to say yes and drink extra wine lol
    KaLikeAWind7425caitalcrimmins
  • Sammy KSammy K member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited November 2015
    We were the opposite. We put our foot down about additional guests and I'm glad we did. Our rule was if they didn't know us as a couple, or if we wouldn't invite them over for dinner, they weren't invited. We made exceptions for some out of state family, but we didn't invite any great aunts or second cousins or parents' friends. My mom was upset but her family is huge and we had to draw the line somewhere.

    We also got married in the town where we went to grad school instead of either of our hometowns. It was easier on me and also discouraged people from changing their RSVP at the last minute (my brother had and extra 10+ people show up who RSVP'd no).

    ETA I'm not close to my family nor do I care for my parents' "friends." They live in a really small town where everyone is catty and vindictive.
    KaLikeAWindalcrimminsLaurenAnn0405
  • MouseMama817MouseMama817 member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited November 2015
    ^^ Whaat! It's one thing to show up when you didn't RSVP but to RSVP that you wont be coming and then to show up anyway? Nobody has any home training anymore. 

    ETA: To be clear, neither of those situations are acceptable!
    Mommaswizz
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