^^ that's how I feel. One of the people is my parents neighbor, a 60/70 year old man. My mom said my dad wanted to invite him. They are friends and yes he has known me since I was born but still, no thanks. She did say my dads aunts should come and I agree, because they always came when my aunt had big parties at her house and It would be nice to see them again.
We are staying with my FIL and step-MIL for three days and it's wonderful. They don't make ANY comments on our parenting style or say anything but positive, encouraging things about LO. (Not that he's perfect, they just keep their mouths shut rather than comment or criticize.) It is SO refreshing!! And FIL insists on cooking and MIL insists on cleaning. We feel so secure and happy. It's such a nice break, even though I'm sequestered in a room working most of the day.
We are staying with my FIL and step-MIL for three days and it's wonderful. They don't make ANY comments on our parenting style or say anything but positive, encouraging things about LO. (Not that he's perfect, they just keep their mouths shut rather than comment or criticize.) It is SO refreshing!! And FIL insists on cooking and MIL insists on cleaning. We feel so secure and happy. It's such a nice break, even though I'm sequestered in a room working most of the day.
Grateful for good, supportive in-laws today!
I would give quite a lot to trade with you. Unicorn is right
The holiday's are here again and that means my MIL strikes again. My DH and I have been thinking of ideas for LO's 2nd Christmas. So I go to the toy store with my LO and SIL to get her kid a BDay present. I also thought it was a good opportunity to look at a few of the ideas my DH and I have been talking about. Then I can see what reaction LO has before I actually buy it. After looking at our ideas I decide on THE ONE. My SIL and agree he would love this scooter we found but I wanted to buy it without LO there. So I was planning returning in the next few weeks to buy it. Later that day I get a text from my MIL saying she is getting the scooter for my LO. Not asking me if she could but telling me she is. The worst part was my DH replied saying that would be great. My SIL had to tell my MIL about the scooter and just like that I am back to square one wIth no say. DH says he thinks this works out great since we won't have to spend the money for the scooter. But now what am I going get LO for Christmas. I don't want to sound ungrateful for her generosity but why does she have to get the one gift I wanted to.
The holiday's are here again and that means my MIL strikes again. My DH and I have been thinking of ideas for LO's 2nd Christmas.
So I go to the toy store with my LO and SIL to get her kid a BDay present. I also thought it was a good opportunity to look at a few of the ideas my DH and I have been talking about. Then I can see what reaction LO has before I actually buy it. After looking at our ideas I decide on THE ONE. My SIL and agree he would love this scooter we found but I wanted to buy it without LO there. So I was planning returning in the next few weeks to buy it. Later that day I get a text from my MIL saying she is getting the scooter for my LO. Not asking me if she could but telling me she is. The worst part was my DH replied saying that would be great.
My SIL had to tell my MIL about the scooter and just like that I am back to square one wIth no say. DH says he thinks this works out great since we won't have to spend the money for the scooter. But now what am I going get LO for Christmas. I don't want to sound ungrateful for her generosity but why does she have to get the one gift I wanted to.
I totally get it. You wanted to be the reason your LO's eyes light up on Christmas and now she'll get that without having put any effort in. Some people may say we're petty and maybe we are, but I can't stand when people do shit like that. I'm sorry
Oh inlaws and holidays.. My favorite combo..:(. FIL doesn't invite us to any events but then gets mad that we don't show up and acts like we are horrible people who don't bring his granddaughter to see him.
My FIL is actually a pretty good FIL too. He tells the same stories all the time and it drives DH nuts (DH will tell FIL that we've heard the story and FIL will tell it anyway) but FIL is very handy and has really helped us out around the house. Soon he's going to be going up into the attic and re wiring the whole top floor. I can forgive the whole double story telling thing because he has saved us so much money with the help and he's wonderful with both kids. MIL on the other hand...I honestly don't know how my DH and my BIL survived with her as their mother sometimes. Sounds harsh but DH agrees. She doesn't listen to anyone about what they say to do (including dr's) and I have found both kids as infants wrapped in blankets with stuffed animals in their cribs after I plainly told her not to do that. At least she only watches them 2x a week for 4 hours...
Oh inlaws and holidays.. My favorite combo..:(. FIL doesn't invite us to any events but then gets mad that we don't show up and acts like we are horrible people who don't bring his granddaughter to see him.
DH's aunt always has a huge Thanksgiving get together but doesn't always send us an invite in the mail. Since we HAVE gotten one by mail before, on the year we didn't get one I assumed we weren't invited, I'm not comfortable just showing up, maybe there's a reason she didn't send one. Then she calls us afterwards, insinuating that I'm the one who kept DH from going, that we must've done stuff with my family "because they're rich" and that DH is "whitewashed" now and thinks he's too good for everyone - because I'm white and he's black. FWIW, when he went to college and later got his masters degree they also made comments like, "Oh, look who's graced us with his presence, Mr. College Grad".
Now we have LO, and we moved, and of course the invite will not get to us. DH's family is all local but has made no effort at all to come and see the baby. Not one of them has asked to come by. We even called his oldest aunt to see if we could go visit her but she said she was going to the casino and would call back and never did...
Guaranteed when we don't go to the potluck this year it will be twisted into some perverse racial thing, with them saying we just want to "raise him white".
Family events are so much more fun when you add an undercurrent of racial tension.
The holiday's are here again and that means my MIL strikes again. My DH and I have been thinking of ideas for LO's 2nd Christmas. So I go to the toy store with my LO and SIL to get her kid a BDay present. I also thought it was a good opportunity to look at a few of the ideas my DH and I have been talking about. Then I can see what reaction LO has before I actually buy it. After looking at our ideas I decide on THE ONE. My SIL and agree he would love this scooter we found but I wanted to buy it without LO there. So I was planning returning in the next few weeks to buy it. Later that day I get a text from my MIL saying she is getting the scooter for my LO. Not asking me if she could but telling me she is. The worst part was my DH replied saying that would be great. My SIL had to tell my MIL about the scooter and just like that I am back to square one wIth no say. DH says he thinks this works out great since we won't have to spend the money for the scooter. But now what am I going get LO for Christmas. I don't want to sound ungrateful for her generosity but why does she have to get the one gift I wanted to.
I totally get it. You wanted to be the reason your LO's eyes light up on Christmas and now she'll get that without having put any effort in. Some people may say we're petty and maybe we are, but I can't stand when people do shit like that. I'm sorry
@klirwin82 You've got to be kidding-- that's awful! I would go out of my mind if my in-laws acted that way (DH is Hispanic). They've got a lot of faults but they've never commented on him doing better for himself than they could, or insinuating that we're raising our baby to be more of one culture or another. At least I can say that for them. If I had to put up with that baloney every time I saw my family, I would just stop seeing them!
WHY am I not running out of material for this freaking thread?! I went out and bought DD her holiday outfits for Thanksgiving and Christmas and today DH's mom calls and says they bought her a dress. And DH said OK for what? And she said for Thanksgiving. Luckily he put her in her place and said "No you know that Molly already bought her outfit and that's what she's gonna wear." I showed her DD's outfit when they came over the other night and she saw how excited I was. And then she buys her own dress three days later? DH thinks she's just being inconsiderate but I see that shit for what it is. She's not going to win any sort of power play with me. I already gave in when it came to my daughters going home outfit. I had her outfit all picked out and ready to go, and then MIL freaked out and said that she HAD to go home in white because of some superstition. I didn't want to start out on a bad note so I packed something different. But does she honestly think she's going to get to dress MY daughter for every event?
And then she asked if they could drive my car down to Tampa this Saturday for our Thanksgiving celebration with his side of the family. We already have the arrangements worked out and she and DH's dad have rides there and back. But they're trying to complicate things saying they want their own car because we're being too serious about wanting to leave on time. These are the people that came 2.5 hours late to the Tday dinner I cooked for them last year. Ugh. And since DH told them they can't have my car, she's saying they'll just rent one. Even though she knows that he knows she doesn't have any money for that shit meaning she's working up to asking us to pay for it. She is absolutely unbelievable!
@messymolly08 well when she asks for the $, you (your DH) can come back with "you said you were going to rent one. If you say you are going to do something, you should make sure you have the $ first. Otherwise, WE are the ones renting a car. And I didn't say we were renting a car. You could always take back the dress you bought LO..."
WHY am I not running out of material for this
freaking thread?! I went out and bought DD her holiday outfits for
Thanksgiving and Christmas and today DH's mom calls and says they bought
her a dress. And DH said OK for what? And she said for Thanksgiving.
Luckily he put her in her place and said "No you know that Molly already
bought her outfit and that's what she's gonna wear." I showed her DD's
outfit when they came over the other night and she saw how excited I
was. And then she buys her own dress three days later? DH thinks she's
just being inconsiderate but I see that shit for what it is. She's not
going to win any sort of power play with me. I already gave in when it
came to my daughters going home outfit. I had her outfit all picked out
and ready to go, and then MIL freaked out and said that she HAD to go
home in white because of some superstition. I didn't want to start out
on a bad note so I packed something different. But does she honestly
think she's going to get to dress MY daughter for every event?
And then she asked if they could drive my car down to Tampa this
Saturday for our Thanksgiving celebration with his side of the family.
We already have the arrangements worked out and she and DH's dad have
rides there and back. But they're trying to complicate things saying
they want their own car because we're being too serious about wanting to
leave on time. These are the people that came 2.5 hours late to the
Tday dinner I cooked for them last year. Ugh.
And since DH told them they can't have my car, she's saying they'll just
rent one. Even though she knows that he knows she doesn't have any
money for that shit meaning she's working up to asking us to pay for it.
She is absolutely unbelievable!
*sorry for the swearing*
My
mum has just done the same thing, I had picked out LO's Christmas
outfit and she has told me that she wont be wearing what I wanted
because shes bought her an outfit. Not happening. Youve had your time,
now this is my time. Dont tell me ever what my child will wear.My Mum
also picked the going home outfit as she had made it for me to go home
from hospital in and then she wanted LO to go home in the same thing.
Its stunning, an amazing outfit but come on, this is our first baby and
your laying the guilty and sentimental shit on. Piss off because you
didnt let your mother get away with this shit! I think we set ourselves
up in a way for allowing her to pick that outfit now she just assumes
its all upto her..
Before my next rant I want to say I hate gift
giving and gift receiving. It puts pressure on, people get offended and
left out and then you can be in debt with people for the great gift
they get you. Id much rather have gift free holidays and everyone just
focus their energy on spending the time with family and friends.
Ive
just got off the phone with her about LO's xmas present, she wanted to
get her a little push car thing which is great LO will love it. My SIL
wanted to get LO a play station thing that the spin around and play on.
which is nice. My mum was in this conversation with SIL, has now seen
those things, gone and bought it and is now cracking the shits at how
"unappreciative" I am of her effort because Ive told her to take it
back. I don't want your gift, my daughter doesn't need your gift but if
you feel like getting one stick to your original plan because you know
SIL was buying that for her. I did take the time to shit stir after she went on her ridiculous rant and
put salt in her wounds and reminded her that LO is yet to be baptised so
at this stage is technically only Muslim and really wouldn't mind not
receiving a gift for this Christian holiday...
What happens
after menopause honestly?!?! do they just turn into this crazed self
absorbed insane women that feel entitled to steal every moment and be
insulted by every fucking thing?
Take some notes, ladies. I have resolved to not be the pushy bossy MIL when my kids are grown. I laugh when my MIL complains to me about her MIL and then does the same thing 15 min later. That will not be me!
My MIL and I are complete opposites, literally. She comes from a ver different background than my parents and I do and before the baby I never thought it would be an issue but now that the baby's here it's been a big adjustment. She can be quite the penny pincher and I've become quite the germophobe so it kinda clashes when she constantly wants to buy consignment toys for LO. Certain things I can understand but I had to lay down the law with buying second hand stuffed toys and only buying from people we know to be clean. Also, her house isn't clean at all to my standards but I know not everyone is going to do things like I do so I've tried to loosen up on that but I def worries me once LO starts crawling around and finding who knows what on the floors!
^^ second hand stuffed toys you can throw in your laundry and use hot temps to wash. Some of them can also be dried on hot. If they are lighter colored, you can use bleach. I'm a bit of a germaphobe, as well, but also don't have much $. I buy a lot of things secondhand for LO (clothes mostly, but some toys). Plastic items you can soak in a bleach / water mixture to disinfect, after using soap to get them 'mechanically' clean, rinse after of course. Put those stuffed animals in a pillowcase when you launder them, tho, so they don't get too beat up ETA @hharrison2408
^^^^^ this. And people are now selling different products to disinfect toys with that are all natural. Melaleuca I think the brand is. I love a good garage sale so I will be purchasing something like this to clean stuff with.
Differences between mil and daughter in laws are so common but in MOST cases id like to think that one or both parties are clueless to their actions and don't realize how annoying they are..... There is going to be those other cases though where they are in fact just complete assholes...... Lol
My mil means really well and while we were first engaged she annoyed me a lot. She would show up at DH and I house and be randomly planting flowers/bushes..... Or just walk right in. She's way better about it now but I can appreciate the fact that she probably assumed I didn't have time to plant things and she would've been right.
RANT Our LO is fiercely independant, the only time she cries is if she is hungry. We do BLW with her, she doesnt like being fed. She happily plays away on the floor crawling around laughing at nothing we are very blessed.We put her in her cot, she puts herself to sleep.Thats been the way for 5.5 months. DH's cousin has come over from Indonesia (been here 2 weeks) and is jumping at her every sound, peep, picking her up all the time, annoying her, and taking her food away from her and giving her purees instead. its driving me friggin nuts. I woke up this morning, baby isnt in babies got she is in cousins bed with DHs cousin. This kid now whinges if she touches the floor or is left in a room by herself, its driving me crazy. Ive asked her not to do everything shes doing, totally ignores it or argues back. she has an opinion on everything without having children and is truly creating a monster if shes not being held shes crying. 2 more weeks to go
@mishmardhiono What does your husband say about all this? Can't he speak w/ her about respecting your parenting styles a bit more while she stays? Maybe you should just ask her to leave. I mean, are cousins really even family?
@mishmardhiono What does your husband say about all this? Can't he speak w/ her about respecting your parenting styles a bit more while she stays? Maybe you should just ask her to leave. I mean, are cousins really even family?
He's so non confrontational, no one except for me really sees the issue because of how well she looks after LO. She is brilliant If our baby was a fussy/upset/colicky we would be ssinging to the Angels by getting a break. But she's creating a high maintenance kid. She'd be better if she just accepted that western people parent their children very differently. Legally we can't kick her out because of her visa regulations but I can't pretend everything's fine. I don't even know my friggin cousin yet we have his one living with us
long story short my husband and i are no longer living together and im back at my parents house where my sister and her family are renting out the basement suite, her 4 year old daughter always wants to hold my LO but the thing is shes not careful and the poor girl is tiny, i get that shes excited about her cousin staying over but everytime i see her its "can i hold him?" and because of how small she is and how big my LO is (maybe a 15lbs difference between them) she is always losing her grip and trying to readjust him really harshly,(like forcing his chin into his chest when trying to sit him up) she constantly is standing up and trying to hold him. shes not gentle, earlier today she had my LO sitting in between her legs resting his back against her chest, and she was so zoned out on the tv show she was watchinng that she just let him flop forwards and he hit his face against a toy so he started crying and she didn't even notice that she let go of him. she has a younger brother who is a year old, that is about the same size as my LO and she is so rough with him. i tell her no she cant hold my LO and she gets all pouty and mad. im just so annoyed by her.
but i did get a funny picture of the 1 year old sitting on my LO's legs. on the downside he was also trying to sit on my LOs head.
@JessHeppell I have a four year old who loves to hold his baby sister. I have him sit back in the corner of the couch then I put her in his lap. I usually sit right next to them. When he's done he has to ask me to take her back rather than just letting go. If you give her plenty of short and supervised opportunities to hold maybe she'll be satisfied. Under no circumstances would I let her carry him.
If she can't learn to follow these rules then sad to say I don't think they should be alone together. Good luck!
long story short my husband and i are no longer living together and im back at my parents house where my sister and her family are renting out the basement suite, her 4 year old daughter always wants to hold my LO but the thing is shes not careful and the poor girl is tiny, i get that shes excited about her cousin staying over but everytime i see her its "can i hold him?" and because of how small she is and how big my LO is (maybe a 15lbs difference between them) she is always losing her grip and trying to readjust him really harshly,(like forcing his chin into his chest when trying to sit him up) she constantly is standing up and trying to hold him. shes not gentle, earlier today she had my LO sitting in between her legs resting his back against her chest, and she was so zoned out on the tv show she was watchinng that she just let him flop forwards and he hit his face against a toy so he started crying and she didn't even notice that she let go of him. she has a younger brother who is a year old, that is about the same size as my LO and she is so rough with him. i tell her no she cant hold my LO and she gets all pouty and mad. im just so annoyed by her.
but i did get a funny picture of the 1 year old sitting on my LO's legs. on the downside he was also trying to sit on my LOs head.
The girl is 4. She is not able to care for a baby. You need to give both of them more supervision together. If she wants to hold the baby, she needs to be sitting down, supported by pillows, paying full attention.
I don't understand why you would put your baby at risk, just to avoid a pouty 4 year old. It is not a responsible decision to let your baby be in these situations that you describe.
The 4 year cannot comprehend responsibility for a baby. Of COURSE she's going to get side tracked watching tv and forget she's holding the baby. This is why you need to be the adult and ensure safer conditions.
I hope your marriage and family situation get better. I'm sure you're under a lot of stress. Thinking of you.
ETA: And the one year old sitting on your baby. No. Please put a stop to this before the baby is injured.
long story short my husband and i are no longer living together and im back at my parents house where my sister and her family are renting out the basement suite, her 4 year old daughter always wants to hold my LO but the thing is shes not careful and the poor girl is tiny, i get that shes excited about her cousin staying over but everytime i see her its "can i hold him?" and because of how small she is and how big my LO is (maybe a 15lbs difference between them) she is always losing her grip and trying to readjust him really harshly,(like forcing his chin into his chest when trying to sit him up) she constantly is standing up and trying to hold him. shes not gentle, earlier today she had my LO sitting in between her legs resting his back against her chest, and she was so zoned out on the tv show she was watchinng that she just let him flop forwards and he hit his face against a toy so he started crying and she didn't even notice that she let go of him. she has a younger brother who is a year old, that is about the same size as my LO and she is so rough with him. i tell her no she cant hold my LO and she gets all pouty and mad. im just so annoyed by her.
but i did get a funny picture of the 1 year old sitting on my LO's legs. on the downside he was also trying to sit on my LOs head.
The girl is 4. She is not able to care for a baby. You need to give both of them more supervision together. If she wants to hold the baby, she needs to be sitting down, supported by pillows, paying full attention.
I don't understand why you would put your baby at risk, just to avoid a pouty 4 year old. It is not a responsible decision to let your baby be in these situations that you describe.
The 4 year cannot comprehend responsibility for a baby. Of COURSE she's going to get side tracked watching tv and forget she's holding the baby. This is why you need to be the adult and ensure safer conditions.
I hope your marriage and family situation get better. I'm sure you're under a lot of stress. Thinking of you.
ETA: And the one year old sitting on your baby. No. Please put a stop to this before the baby is injured.
DH took DS to Target this morning. While they were cruising down the toy aisle there was another little girl maybe 2 1/2 not supervised, climbing on the bottom shelf. The little girl fell and smacked her cheek. DS instantly ran up to her as she was crying and picked her up and said, "it'll be ok, it'll be ok," as he petted the back of her head. Then he invited her to go to school with him and gave her a hug just as the mom came tearing around the corner about to yell at her kid. The mom softened up once she saw the scene. Proud parent moment when you see/hear about your kid showing compassion and care for another. Such a sweet kid.
DH took DS to Target this morning. While they were cruising down the toy aisle there was another little girl maybe 2 1/2 not supervised, climbing on the bottom shelf. The little girl fell and smacked her cheek. DS instantly ran up to her as she was crying and picked her up and said, "it'll be ok, it'll be ok," as he petted the back of her head. Then he invited her to go to school with him and gave her a hug just as the mom came tearing around the corner about to yell at her kid. The mom softened up once she saw the scene. Proud parent moment when you see/hear about your kid showing compassion and care for another. Such a sweet kid.
Super sweet story but when I first read it I thought you were talking about DH not DS and I thought "wow super creepy". When I saw it was you posting and not some rando i knew I must have read it wrong!
long story short my husband and i are no longer living together and im back at my parents house where my sister and her family are renting out the basement suite, her 4 year old daughter always wants to hold my LO but the thing is shes not careful and the poor girl is tiny, i get that shes excited about her cousin staying over but everytime i see her its "can i hold him?" and because of how small she is and how big my LO is (maybe a 15lbs difference between them) she is always losing her grip and trying to readjust him really harshly,(like forcing his chin into his chest when trying to sit him up) she constantly is standing up and trying to hold him. shes not gentle, earlier today she had my LO sitting in between her legs resting his back against her chest, and she was so zoned out on the tv show she was watchinng that she just let him flop forwards and he hit his face against a toy so he started crying and she didn't even notice that she let go of him. she has a younger brother who is a year old, that is about the same size as my LO and she is so rough with him. i tell her no she cant hold my LO and she gets all pouty and mad. im just so annoyed by her.
but i did get a funny picture of the 1 year old sitting on my LO's legs. on the downside he was also trying to sit on my LOs head.
The girl is 4. She is not able to care for a baby. You need to give both of them more supervision together. If she wants to hold the baby, she needs to be sitting down, supported by pillows, paying full attention.
I don't understand why you would put your baby at risk, just to avoid a pouty 4 year old. It is not a responsible decision to let your baby be in these situations that you describe.
The 4 year cannot comprehend responsibility for a baby. Of COURSE she's going to get side tracked watching tv and forget she's holding the baby. This is why you need to be the adult and ensure safer conditions.
I hope your marriage and family situation get better. I'm sure you're under a lot of stress. Thinking of you.
ETA: And the one year old sitting on your baby. No. Please put a stop to this before the baby is injured.
yeah i make sure she is sitting down either on the ground or couch, she is a terrible listener, i let her hold him for a few seconds here and there but its never enough for her, even with her mom she doesn't listen. and as for the 1 year old i try my best to keep him off my LO but then ive got my sister telling me its fine and hes not going to hurt him. and at this point yeah my mind is incredibly occupied so i zone out for a second and the 4 year old is trying to walk with him or the 1 year old is sitting on him somewhere, my sister doesn't do anything about it. and if i tell her kids not to do something she gets mad at me saying im trying to parent her kids. and with it being her space i feel I shouldn't push my boundaries for fear she will just tell me im not allowed in there. it's frustrating for me and im overwhelmed. the only way i can completely prevent all of this from happening without backlash is locking myself in the bedroom that im staying in, which is a bed on a floor.
long story short my husband and i are no longer living together and im back at my parents house where my sister and her family are renting out the basement suite, her 4 year old daughter always wants to hold my LO but the thing is shes not careful and the poor girl is tiny, i get that shes excited about her cousin staying over but everytime i see her its "can i hold him?" and because of how small she is and how big my LO is (maybe a 15lbs difference between them) she is always losing her grip and trying to readjust him really harshly,(like forcing his chin into his chest when trying to sit him up) she constantly is standing up and trying to hold him. shes not gentle, earlier today she had my LO sitting in between her legs resting his back against her chest, and she was so zoned out on the tv show she was watchinng that she just let him flop forwards and he hit his face against a toy so he started crying and she didn't even notice that she let go of him. she has a younger brother who is a year old, that is about the same size as my LO and she is so rough with him. i tell her no she cant hold my LO and she gets all pouty and mad. im just so annoyed by her.
but i did get a funny picture of the 1 year old sitting on my LO's legs. on the downside he was also trying to sit on my LOs head.
The girl is 4. She is not able to care for a baby. You need to give both of them more supervision together. If she wants to hold the baby, she needs to be sitting down, supported by pillows, paying full attention.
I don't understand why you would put your baby at risk, just to avoid a pouty 4 year old. It is not a responsible decision to let your baby be in these situations that you describe.
The 4 year cannot comprehend responsibility for a baby. Of COURSE she's going to get side tracked watching tv and forget she's holding the baby. This is why you need to be the adult and ensure safer conditions.
I hope your marriage and family situation get better. I'm sure you're under a lot of stress. Thinking of you.
ETA: And the one year old sitting on your baby. No. Please put a stop to this before the baby is injured.
yeah i make sure she is sitting down either on the ground or couch, she is a terrible listener, i let her hold him for a few seconds here and there but its never enough for her, even with her mom she doesn't listen. and as for the 1 year old i try my best to keep him off my LO but then ive got my sister telling me its fine and hes not going to hurt him. and at this point yeah my mind is incredibly occupied so i zone out for a second and the 4 year old is trying to walk with him or the 1 year old is sitting on him somewhere, my sister doesn't do anything about it. and if i tell her kids not to do something she gets mad at me saying im trying to parent her kids. and with it being her space i feel I shouldn't push my boundaries for fear she will just tell me im not allowed in there. it's frustrating for me and im overwhelmed. the only way i can completely prevent all of this from happening without backlash is locking myself in the bedroom that im staying in, which is a bed on a floor.
That's rough, lady. I'm sorry. I hope you and LO get a good fresh start.
long story short my husband and i are no longer living together and im back at my parents house where my sister and her family are renting out the basement suite, her 4 year old daughter always wants to hold my LO but the thing is shes not careful and the poor girl is tiny, i get that shes excited about her cousin staying over but everytime i see her its "can i hold him?" and because of how small she is and how big my LO is (maybe a 15lbs difference between them) she is always losing her grip and trying to readjust him really harshly,(like forcing his chin into his chest when trying to sit him up) she constantly is standing up and trying to hold him. shes not gentle, earlier today she had my LO sitting in between her legs resting his back against her chest, and she was so zoned out on the tv show she was watchinng that she just let him flop forwards and he hit his face against a toy so he started crying and she didn't even notice that she let go of him. she has a younger brother who is a year old, that is about the same size as my LO and she is so rough with him. i tell her no she cant hold my LO and she gets all pouty and mad. im just so annoyed by her.
but i did get a funny picture of the 1 year old sitting on my LO's legs. on the downside he was also trying to sit on my LOs head.
The girl is 4. She is not able to care for a baby. You need to give both of them more supervision together. If she wants to hold the baby, she needs to be sitting down, supported by pillows, paying full attention.
I don't understand why you would put your baby at risk, just to avoid a pouty 4 year old. It is not a responsible decision to let your baby be in these situations that you describe.
The 4 year cannot comprehend responsibility for a baby. Of COURSE she's going to get side tracked watching tv and forget she's holding the baby. This is why you need to be the adult and ensure safer conditions.
I hope your marriage and family situation get better. I'm sure you're under a lot of stress. Thinking of you.
ETA: And the one year old sitting on your baby. No. Please put a stop to this before the baby is injured.
yeah i make sure she is sitting down either on the ground or couch, she is a terrible listener, i let her hold him for a few seconds here and there but its never enough for her, even with her mom she doesn't listen. and as for the 1 year old i try my best to keep him off my LO but then ive got my sister telling me its fine and hes not going to hurt him. and at this point yeah my mind is incredibly occupied so i zone out for a second and the 4 year old is trying to walk with him or the 1 year old is sitting on him somewhere, my sister doesn't do anything about it. and if i tell her kids not to do something she gets mad at me saying im trying to parent her kids. and with it being her space i feel I shouldn't push my boundaries for fear she will just tell me im not allowed in there. it's frustrating for me and im overwhelmed. the only way i can completely prevent all of this from happening without backlash is locking myself in the bedroom that im staying in, which is a bed on a floor.
That's rough, lady. I'm sorry. I hope you and LO get a good fresh start.
if i had the money for my own place, I wouldn't have to worry about this, but i dont have the funding for it. it sucks too because with me and my LO theres going to be 10 people living in this house. and i dont like being around lots of people. but i have no where else to go so this is my only choice
edit to remove emoticon, wasnt conveying the right emotion.
long story short my husband and i are no longer living together and im back at my parents house where my sister and her family are renting out the basement suite, her 4 year old daughter always wants to hold my LO but the thing is shes not careful and the poor girl is tiny, i get that shes excited about her cousin staying over but everytime i see her its "can i hold him?" and because of how small she is and how big my LO is (maybe a 15lbs difference between them) she is always losing her grip and trying to readjust him really harshly,(like forcing his chin into his chest when trying to sit him up) she constantly is standing up and trying to hold him. shes not gentle, earlier today she had my LO sitting in between her legs resting his back against her chest, and she was so zoned out on the tv show she was watchinng that she just let him flop forwards and he hit his face against a toy so he started crying and she didn't even notice that she let go of him. she has a younger brother who is a year old, that is about the same size as my LO and she is so rough with him. i tell her no she cant hold my LO and she gets all pouty and mad. im just so annoyed by her.
but i did get a funny picture of the 1 year old sitting on my LO's legs. on the downside he was also trying to sit on my LOs head.
The girl is 4. She is not able to care for a baby. You need to give both of them more supervision together. If she wants to hold the baby, she needs to be sitting down, supported by pillows, paying full attention.
I don't understand why you would put your baby at risk, just to avoid a pouty 4 year old. It is not a responsible decision to let your baby be in these situations that you describe.
The 4 year cannot comprehend responsibility for a baby. Of COURSE she's going to get side tracked watching tv and forget she's holding the baby. This is why you need to be the adult and ensure safer conditions.
I hope your marriage and family situation get better. I'm sure you're under a lot of stress. Thinking of you.
ETA: And the one year old sitting on your baby. No. Please put a stop to this before the baby is injured.
yeah i make sure she is sitting down either on the ground or couch, she is a terrible listener, i let her hold him for a few seconds here and there but its never enough for her, even with her mom she doesn't listen. and as for the 1 year old i try my best to keep him off my LO but then ive got my sister telling me its fine and hes not going to hurt him. and at this point yeah my mind is incredibly occupied so i zone out for a second and the 4 year old is trying to walk with him or the 1 year old is sitting on him somewhere, my sister doesn't do anything about it. and if i tell her kids not to do something she gets mad at me saying im trying to parent her kids. and with it being her space i feel I shouldn't push my boundaries for fear she will just tell me im not allowed in there.
it's frustrating for me and im overwhelmed. the only way i can completely prevent all of this from happening without backlash is locking myself in the bedroom that im staying in, which is a bed on a floor.
Now that your all living together could it be wise to sit down with your sister and start "co-parenting" if your both in a similar situation it would probably be of assstance to you both. Set out some ground rules of what you both will and wont accept from the children, techniques for discipline, bedtime routines etc. If you dont have your partners then buddy up and work as a team because atm your both out numbered by these kids and by the sounds of it the kids are running the house. Also the 4 year old isnt being evil she probably just sees LO as a real life doll. I know its not your responsibility but maybe she can start helping you with LO. Ifd your bathing ask her to join in, if your feeding ask her to join in, if your making LO's food ask her to give you a hand.. that could just be putting some chopped veggies on a bowl and giving her a wooden spoon ask her for "Food suggestions". Give her the assumption that shes helping.
long story short my husband and i are no longer living together and im back at my parents house where my sister and her family are renting out the basement suite, her 4 year old daughter always wants to hold my LO but the thing is shes not careful and the poor girl is tiny, i get that shes excited about her cousin staying over but everytime i see her its "can i hold him?" and because of how small she is and how big my LO is (maybe a 15lbs difference between them) she is always losing her grip and trying to readjust him really harshly,(like forcing his chin into his chest when trying to sit him up) she constantly is standing up and trying to hold him. shes not gentle, earlier today she had my LO sitting in between her legs resting his back against her chest, and she was so zoned out on the tv show she was watchinng that she just let him flop forwards and he hit his face against a toy so he started crying and she didn't even notice that she let go of him. she has a younger brother who is a year old, that is about the same size as my LO and she is so rough with him. i tell her no she cant hold my LO and she gets all pouty and mad. im just so annoyed by her.
but i did get a funny picture of the 1 year old sitting on my LO's legs. on the downside he was also trying to sit on my LOs head.
The girl is 4. She is not able to care for a baby. You need to give both of them more supervision together. If she wants to hold the baby, she needs to be sitting down, supported by pillows, paying full attention.
I don't understand why you would put your baby at risk, just to avoid a pouty 4 year old. It is not a responsible decision to let your baby be in these situations that you describe.
The 4 year cannot comprehend responsibility for a baby. Of COURSE she's going to get side tracked watching tv and forget she's holding the baby. This is why you need to be the adult and ensure safer conditions.
I hope your marriage and family situation get better. I'm sure you're under a lot of stress. Thinking of you.
ETA: And the one year old sitting on your baby. No. Please put a stop to this before the baby is injured.
yeah i make sure she is sitting down either on the ground or couch, she is a terrible listener, i let her hold him for a few seconds here and there but its never enough for her, even with her mom she doesn't listen. and as for the 1 year old i try my best to keep him off my LO but then ive got my sister telling me its fine and hes not going to hurt him. and at this point yeah my mind is incredibly occupied so i zone out for a second and the 4 year old is trying to walk with him or the 1 year old is sitting on him somewhere, my sister doesn't do anything about it. and if i tell her kids not to do something she gets mad at me saying im trying to parent her kids. and with it being her space i feel I shouldn't push my boundaries for fear she will just tell me im not allowed in there. it's frustrating for me and im overwhelmed. the only way i can completely prevent all of this from happening without backlash is locking myself in the bedroom that im staying in, which is a bed on a floor.
Now that your all living together could it be wise to sit down with your sister and start "co-parenting" if your both in a similar situation it would probably be of assstance to you both. Set out some ground rules of what you both will and wont accept from the children, techniques for discipline, bedtime routines etc. If you dont have your partners then buddy up and work as a team because atm your both out numbered by these kids and by the sounds of it the kids are running the house. Also the 4 year old isnt being evil she probably just sees LO as a real life doll. I know its not your responsibility but maybe she can start helping you with LO. Ifd your bathing ask her to join in, if your feeding ask her to join in, if your making LO's food ask her to give you a hand.. that could just be putting some chopped veggies on a bowl and giving her a wooden spoon ask her for "Food suggestions". Give her the assumption that shes helping.
my sister has her boyfriend, but he is out out town for work regularly, and she handles her kids just fine (she would never go for co-parenting or something like that) they just arent handled the way i would like is the easy way to say it. and i know she's not being evil, i think she's just overly excited because she didn't see us regularly before this, so im hoping she will step back a lot once the novelty of us being here wears off. its just agitating for me because i do prefer to be left alone to do my own thing, while she always wants to be there and helping. just colliding personalities.
had my LO just hanging out and doing tummy time by himself with some toys in the living room, while i was cooking with my mom in the kitchen. go out there to check on him and of course the 4 year old had grabbed him and was holding him. I kind of freak out (like worried freak out not mad) and tell her she cant do that and she has to ask to hold him, of course she gets all sad and i have to try to have her not cry (she pretty much always cries when told not to do something) later my sister comes up and i tell her about the situation and all i get from her is that there's nothing wrong with what her daughter did and that I shouldn't be so controlling. ugh. now I remember why i dont like being around my family. -_-
Re: Family rants & raves - November
DH put his foot down and said "is this a gift to help us? Or is this money to pay for your friends? Because you said it was a gift."
She quickly backed down, and we agreed to give her X number of people she could invite (just not infinite, and not people we hadn't both met before).
We got married after 8 years of dating. If we hadn't both met someone by that time, they were not on the list.
Grateful for good, supportive in-laws today!
So I go to the toy store with my LO and SIL to get her kid a BDay present. I also thought it was a good opportunity to look at a few of the ideas my DH and I have been talking about. Then I can see what reaction LO has before I actually buy it. After looking at our ideas I decide on THE ONE. My SIL and agree he would love this scooter we found but I wanted to buy it without LO there. So I was planning returning in the next few weeks to buy it. Later that day I get a text from my MIL saying she is getting the scooter for my LO. Not asking me if she could but telling me she is. The worst part was my DH replied saying that would be great.
My SIL had to tell my MIL about the scooter and just like that I am back to square one wIth no say. DH says he thinks this works out great since we won't have to spend the money for the scooter. But now what am I going get LO for Christmas. I don't want to sound ungrateful for her generosity but why does she have to get the one gift I wanted to.
Now we have LO, and we moved, and of course the invite will not get to us. DH's family is all local but has made no effort at all to come and see the baby. Not one of them has asked to come by. We even called his oldest aunt to see if we could go visit her but she said she was going to the casino and would call back and never did...
Guaranteed when we don't go to the potluck this year it will be twisted into some perverse racial thing, with them saying we just want to "raise him white".
Family events are so much more fun when you add an undercurrent of racial tension.
Thank you.
And then she asked if they could drive my car down to Tampa this Saturday for our Thanksgiving celebration with his side of the family. We already have the arrangements worked out and she and DH's dad have rides there and back. But they're trying to complicate things saying they want their own car because we're being too serious about wanting to leave on time. These are the people that came 2.5 hours late to the Tday dinner I cooked for them last year. Ugh.
And since DH told them they can't have my car, she's saying they'll just rent one. Even though she knows that he knows she doesn't have any money for that shit meaning she's working up to asking us to pay for it. She is absolutely unbelievable!
@messymolly08 well when she asks for the $, you (your DH) can come back with "you said you were going to rent one. If you say you are going to do something, you should make sure you have the $ first. Otherwise, WE are the ones renting a car. And I didn't say we were renting a car. You could always take back the dress you bought LO..."
Put those stuffed animals in a pillowcase when you launder them, tho, so they don't get too beat up
ETA @hharrison2408
And people are now selling different products to disinfect toys with that are all natural. Melaleuca I think the brand is. I love a good garage sale so I will be purchasing something like this to clean stuff with.
Differences between mil and daughter in laws are so common but in MOST cases id like to think that one or both parties are clueless to their actions and don't realize how annoying they are.....
There is going to be those other cases though where they are in fact just complete assholes...... Lol
My mil means really well and while we were first engaged she annoyed me a lot. She would show up at DH and I house and be randomly planting flowers/bushes..... Or just walk right in.
She's way better about it now but I can appreciate the fact that she probably assumed I didn't have time to plant things and she would've been right.
Geez that was long and boring....
but i did get a funny picture of the 1 year old sitting on my LO's legs. on the downside he was also trying to sit on my LOs head.
If she can't learn to follow these rules then sad to say I don't think they should be alone together. Good luck!
I don't understand why you would put your baby at risk, just to avoid a pouty 4 year old. It is not a responsible decision to let your baby be in these situations that you describe.
The 4 year cannot comprehend responsibility for a baby. Of COURSE she's going to get side tracked watching tv and forget she's holding the baby. This is why you need to be the adult and ensure safer conditions.
I hope your marriage and family situation get better. I'm sure you're under a lot of stress. Thinking of you.
ETA: And the one year old sitting on your baby. No. Please put a stop to this before the baby is injured.
it's frustrating for me and im overwhelmed. the only way i can completely prevent all of this from happening without backlash is locking myself in the bedroom that im staying in, which is a bed on a floor.
edit to remove emoticon, wasnt conveying the right emotion.
my sister has her boyfriend, but he is out out town for work regularly, and she handles her kids just fine (she would never go for co-parenting or something like that) they just arent handled the way i would like is the easy way to say it.
and i know she's not being evil, i think she's just overly excited because she didn't see us regularly before this, so im hoping she will step back a lot once the novelty of us being here wears off. its just agitating for me because i do prefer to be left alone to do my own thing, while she always wants to be there and helping. just colliding personalities.
eta spelling + quote box fail