Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: FFAQ - Flame Free Anytime Questions
but if we are going somewhere and hes going to be in the carrier ill change him before we leave then around 3pm or so (and before bedtime again)
But getting back to the original question my lo does only poop maybe twice a week and once she works up one usually an hr later another one follows.
ETA: The pediatrician said the 3 ounces every three hours was perfect when she was two months old.
@dalinhardt I know, you're right. The confidence part of motherhood is something I'm still working on. I'm slowly locking it down!
We use the same estimate as @hoodoll82. She's a little over 14 lb, so a 7 ounce bottle isn't a problem.
edit for spelling
If its a resource issue there are places you can reach out to that might be able to help you with some additional diapers. If its environmental concerns you could use cloth.
Diaper changes are also a great chances for babies to get some close one on one contact with mom and dad. I am sure you already interact with him a lot but its just one more chance too sing and talk and work on language development and social interaction. My big guy (we have the two huge June15 boys I think), also loves the naked time to kick and move. The diaper adds to his weight weighing him down!
So I understand why you stuck with the thee changes since he seems okay with it but I think there are many compelling reasons to add a few more. Please don't take this as a criticism, your LO certainly looks happy and healthy and you are providing him with great nutrition. I just wanted to share the idea of diaper changes as something more. Magda Gerber (elderly baby guru) talks about them as a time to build trust with infants. I was introduced to this our cities early childhood family education and it really stuck with me. @JessHeppell
I'm not sure why sometimes we don't apply the same line of thinking in all situations..
-If we soiled ourselves... Would we stay in it if we could change?
-If pets soil the carpet or indoors... Would we leave it until additional accidents occurred?
-If you were taking care of an older adult with incontinence protection would you leave them soiled for hours?
If we answered no to these why would we not change our baby?
I can only imagine how uncomfortable I would be if I had to sit in my pee for several hours - even though I could get through it I wouldn't enjoy it and it would likely bother me on several levels... Who's to say a baby doesn't feel the same...
I won't make any assumptions about why you might choose to change him infrequently (money, ignorance etc) but I hope that this discussion might encourage at least a few more changes a day. As a rule we change our LO at LEAST at every feeding this works out to at least 6-8 times a day.
--
Also regarding eating LO was 2.5/3 ounces at 3 days old before we left
the hospital. I had a crusty nurse tell me he shouldn't be fed that much but I ignored her advice. He didn't spit up any more than usual being fed that amount and he wasn't satiated until drinking that much (would still cry like he hadn't been fed yet).
I believe he started regularly taking 4oz around 1.5/2months and this seems to be enough per feeding for him, however sometimes he will take another 4 ounces only an hour later as he gets ready to go to sleep for the night.
TL DR:
Re diapers: Put yourself in your babies shoes if it's not okay for you it's not okay with them... don't risk neglect issues, or skin/health issues.
Re food: Listen to your baby, you and your baby know him/her the best.
Eta: Realized I was being a bit of a presumptuous ass in the first post.. and that's unfair. We are in flame free so I'll try stay true to that... Just the poor little guy I'm sure it doesn't seem to bother him but can you really know at this point? Maybe it doesn't bug him enough to make him cry but I'm sure he'd prefer to be clean and dry.
I know we've talked a lot about alcohol on these threads but I have this irrational fear of getting drunk now that LO is in the picture. Do you ladies take care of LO while drunk? I'm scared I'm going to drop him or something! Forever sober.
My question is for ep mama's have any of your supplies increased due a recent growth spurt? My boobs had been regulating themselves the past 3 weeks since starting work. But this week I went to producing about 10 oz more a day and feeling engorged most of the time.
No one seems to be doing the feeding l/o thread this month. So didn't know where this goes.
@JessHeppell even if LO doesn't seem to mind, I'd recommend checking with the company and at least using their minimum recommended amount.
@rrcameron21 I'm EBF so haven't been drunk in a million years, but I used to rage it. Rather irresponsibly. But no, taking care of the baby while drunk is not something DH and I do. (I'm mentioning my old habits because I feel I am way more tolerant of alcohol use in my life than many other people are.)
Flame-free anecdote:
I once asked DH to hold the baby in bed, early morning, after a long night of tequila drinking (him, not me). Neither of us realized he was still drunk. He sat LO up, and then laughed when LO toppled over. I grabbed the baby, and even though no harm no foul, it was a great lesson for us. Drunks have terrible judgment. DH hasn't been drunk since then (2 months ago).
With the nappy thing, change him. It would of been horrible to sit in a maternity pad for 8 hours at a time. Teach him that he should mind being unclean like that.