I recently received an invitation to a shower for a close friend, and while I'm very excited to attend and purchase her a nice gift, there are a number of things about the invitation that I need some advice on. The invitation requested a book instead of a card, a contribution of diapers for a "diaper raffle," and a instructions for participating in "baby pool" (gambling on the sex, birthdate, etc. of the baby). All of these items struck me as rude, but I'm also cognizant that the MTB had nothing to do with these things, the faux pas was the host's. So, my question is, should I participate in these activities, even though it makes me somewhat uncomfortable as a guest? The last thing I would want to do is embarrass the MTB or make her feel bad in anyway. For the record, I have no problem financially buying a book and diapers and contributing to the "pool;" I just may need to adjust the budget for the gift a tad. Thoughts?
Coffee Bean Born 6/13/15.
2nd round exp 8/20/18.
Meow.
Re: shower faux pas
You can offer to man the list or otherwise "help" with the games vs. Participate in them.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
And diapers are something people need to be careful on...not everyone is going to use just any old brand on their little one. I wouldn't spend money on things like that, unless specifically noted what kind of diapers (brand and size) on the registry.
I like to show up with gift cards to these sorts of parties...
I don't see any of these as being tacky since they are suggestions not requirements for attendance and just wanted to offer some insight to the thought process of the host and possibly MTB.
I'd never do both at the same shower though because then it does get expensive.
Married 4/13/13
Loss at 6 weeks 5/4/2013
Loss at 9 weeks 12/2013
Healthy baby boy 7/12/15
Due 1/6/18
TTC #1 - Nov '14
DS born 10/18
This exactly. I don't like being made to feel that I must give a certain, specific gift, and no matter how much you protest the raffles and books are "optional", it doesn't feel that way. Let me give the gift I want to, please.
Lots of people make that request, but I find it tacky.
Take part of you want; if it's not too much of an inconvenience. But I wouldn't go out of my way for it. You're not going to be rude for not complying with rudeness.
ETA as an English teacher / literacy coach / currently working on reading specialist qualifications - I feel books are very important. Sidelining them to cards makes them seem important. Books are always going to be part of my gift based on my background and education.
Also, some people like to give books as their gift. What are you saying to those guests? That their gift really isn't a gift. It's just rude.
Why do you need to ask for more? Whether it's diapers, books, wishing well, etc. Why isn't their attendance and a shower gift enough? Stop trying to milk your guests for everything you can get. Sheesh.
We received a lot of disposable diapers for my shower, with encouragement from the hostess. I planned in using cloth, registered for cloth, but no one thought I'd stick with it. I gave the disposables to a friend with a son two months younger than mine.
Regardless, only buy what you're comfortable with. I don't think you HAVE to participate in all.
As a teacher, I LOL at the multiple copies- they get passed to those book drops and used boxes at the library, where I can buy them for a quarter! Half my classroom library has inscriptions in the front cover, with things like, love you! From grandma!
I lurk. I snark. I offer sound advice if you're not BSC. You may not like me. I'm okay with it.
Also I love the book idea. We did that for my little sister, and they only received a couple duplicates. Remember that kids don't take care of things like this anyway, and having a backup isn't the end of the world!
You are going to throw all none-registry gifts in the trash?..Really?..Because they weren't on your registry that you put together?
Ugh. I can't even..
Well at least you already know you are going to be a rude b****. You're words, not mine.
Though if they were mine I would include ungrateful and selfish.
Where's my entitled twit post-it? Guess I'll be adding to that one.
I was a little offended when that was what she brought, but you know I shrugged it off, smiled and said thank you. Those diapers came in handy when my son had a terrible diaper rash and I had to use diaper cream
I did not receive a single thing from my registry, but everything was heartfelt and I felt so loved. It was definitely a welcome to motherhood party for me!!
A registry is a checklist for YOU to know what you need to buy, and guests aren't bound to that list when it comes to picking out gifts.
me: 27 | husband: 35
IR PCOS dx Sept. 2014
married May 2015 --> started NTNP
BFP 6.28.15 - EDD 3.6.16
baby #1 born 2.19.16
TTC #2 in April 2017
BFP 12.30.17 - EDD 9.6.18
Fertility Friend Chart