It's amazing how judgemental & downright spiteful people like you can be. So because someone makes a suggestion YOU don't like, you'd purposely go out of your way to do something to annoy them? That's way more offensive than SUGGESTING a gift card.
Woah, just as I was about to say how refreshingly civil this baby shower thread was .... Sigh
Okay... let me draw back a bit. I let my hormones rage a bit (I know it's not an excuse but s#*t happens) and I sincerely apologize for calling people spiteful and getting out of line. I do still stand firm on feeling it's judgemental and wrong to put someone down over a suggestion. A registry is a suggestion, diapers are a suggestion, books are a suggestion, a gift card is a suggestion. Not a dictation. I genuinely can't wrap my head around how one suggestion is tacky yet another is totally acceptable. And how it's so horrible to make these suggestions to your family & close friends who want to help and give. I've actually seen gift card suggestions quite often at baby showers & bridal showers and other celebrations so from my experiences, this didn't seem like something so out of the ordinary these days. Just because I didn't give a play by play about all the awesome handmade gifts & hand me down books I got doesn't mean I was ungrateful for them or anything I got. Writing out my thank you cards definitely changed my perspective on all of it because you do stop and see just how grateful you are for all the love. The OP mentioned getting things she doesn't need for baby and her thoughts about it & I shared my experience on the same thing and my thoughts about those things. I don't open TB to argue or any kind of negative experience. I come on here to share experiences with other moms whether they're good or bad. Let's face it, not everything will be rainbows & butterflies. So again, I apologize for getting out of line. Lol I'll definitely triple check my words & hormones before hitting that "post reply" button from now on.
@ROrtiz07 Baby shower threads almost always lead to WWIII, so you're going to always get people who are offended or put off by these things.
I think gift cards and cash are deeply rooted in customs and etiquette, and people will feel uncomfortable when they are asked for either one because it's taboo. Now if your best friend asks you what you really want, by all means tell her cash. I see nothing wrong with that. But making a blanket request for anything monetary just makes lots of people freak out. Sometimes it's warranted, sometimes not, but it's just one of those things that makes the person sound greedy, even if that is far from their intentions.
@adriennerose80 definitely not my intention. And I usually know better than to chime in on baby shower threads lol. I try to avoid them. This specific one I just happened to relate to A LOT so I commented. Like I said in my original comment, I already purchased everything I needed so my suggestion wasn't out of any expectation to get anything I needed from the shower. But it was definitely more overwhelming than I expected to get SO MUCH that I know I couldn't use or need so I ended up donating things I just couldn't return or exchange to my local family center and suggested OP do the same if she finds herself feeling that way too. Anyway, I learned my lesson on snapping back to some comments lol. Never happening again.
Like a lot of you, I only put necessities (or maybe more like, "really nice to haves") on my registry. No clothes or cutesy stuff because I read a whole lot about how people will buy you the cutesy stuff anyway. With my shower this weekend, about 75% of my registry has been purchased so far. I've been keeping an eye on it and noticed that the fun, colorful stuff was the first to go. Bouncer, play gym, etc. No one seems to be into the really utilitarian things like burp cloths and the nose frida, lol. In fact, I've gotten a lot of comments from friends and family like, "Wow, your registry is very....practical."
I guess what I'm getting at, is that people want to buy the "fun" stuff and not the "necessary" stuff. It's just human nature and you have to go with it. Specifically requesting a certain type of gift is pretty rude... It's a GIFT, and just like any other event, you can return/exchange it, or just accept it with a smile.
Also, my SILs who are throwing my shower put a little note in the invitations requesting diapers and wipes for the wishing well. I don't really agree with this and wouldn't do it if I were handling it myself, but they are kind enough to throw the shower and if they are comfortable with it, I will go with it too...
Like a lot of you, I only put necessities (or maybe more like, "really nice to haves") on my registry. No clothes or cutesy stuff because I read a whole lot about how people will buy you the cutesy stuff anyway. With my shower this weekend, about 75% of my registry has been purchased so far. I've been keeping an eye on it and noticed that the fun, colorful stuff was the first to go. Bouncer, play gym, etc. No one seems to be into the really utilitarian things like burp cloths and the nose frida, lol. In fact, I've gotten a lot of comments from friends and family like, "Wow, your registry is very....practical."
I guess what I'm getting at, is that people want to buy the "fun" stuff and not the "necessary" stuff. It's just human nature and you have to go with it. Specifically requesting a certain type of gift is pretty rude... It's a GIFT, and just like any other event, you can return/exchange it, or just accept it with a smile.
Also, my SILs who are throwing my shower put a little note in the invitations requesting diapers and wipes for the wishing well. I don't really agree with this and wouldn't do it if I were handling it myself, but they are kind enough to throw the shower and if they are comfortable with it, I will go with it too...
You are so right! The nose frida was one of the last things to come off mine and only because my brother basically filled in a lot of the smaller practical stuff no one was touching. But when I got it I said to DH "yes! We got the nose frida!"
I completely understand how you feel! I'm not going to sit here & act like the etiquette police. I think we all know how annoying it can be to have a WHOLE BUNCH of things given to you that you don't need. I had my mom suggest gift cards on the invitations and left out my registry info because I'm sharing a room with baby, I really don't have space for things the baby won't need or I'll use frequently & I actually bought 90% of the things I needed before the shower anyway (nesting is a serious thing). Lol it didn't really work out for me because I got about 6 huge blankets & a massive amount of clothes that I can't put on the baby until next summer or at all since they'll be out of season by the time he'll fit them. & returning things for store credit usually only works if you know what store it came from, which most of the things I got had zero indication of that (no receipt, no tag, etc.) I ended up donating a lot of things. I felt better about giving stuff up to others who could use these things more than I could. So if you find yourself in a huge mountain of unwanted or unnecessary items, donate what you can.
I'm not surprised your plan didn't work out for you. If I received an invitation where gift cards were suggested I would purposely ignore that and go out and buy whatever I wanted. It comes across as telling your guests you are only after their money. What if someone can't afford to buy you a baby blanket, but has taken hours of their time to hand make one? A gift like that would mean so much more to me than anything a gift card can buy.
The gift card suggestion wasn't a blatant "mom wants gift cards". It was written in a little poem explaining the lack of space & it was merely a suggestion, as is a registry. So wouldn't it be just as offensive to hand people a registry card saying "this is the stuff I want"? A gift card doesn't need to be some crazy amount of money. $5, $10, those things all add up at the end of the day. It's amazing how judgemental & downright spiteful people like you can be. So because someone makes a suggestion YOU don't like, you'd purposely go out of your way to do something to annoy them? That's way more offensive than SUGGESTING a gift card.
My response was not meant to be spiteful, so I apologize if it came across that way. I'm just trying to explain that people are usually put off when cash or gift cards are suggested. They won't tell you that to your face, because they don't want to make it awkward. Money is a tricky thing for some people, and the last thing you want is someone coming to your shower and feeling uncomfortable because they brought a physical gift instead of gift cards. Gift cards give too much of a value that some people are uncomfortable with. You may not know how much I spent on the gifts I gave you, but when asked to put a monetary value on it, it makes people uncomfortable. For example, say money was tight for me. I go shopping for your gift and can only spend $10. For that amount, maybe I find a few cute outfits and a toy or two on clearance. I would feel much better giving you those items than handing over a $10 gift card. It would embarrass me to do that, since most people don't openly discuss their financial troubles. I understand that it was something that was suggested, but it still may put some people in an awkward situation.
I understand where you're coming from. Unfortunately most people don't stick to the registry or even think about checking it for gift ideas. When it comes to baby showers I think it's pretty safe to just assume that most people will opt to buy you the cute toys and clothes because they're cheaper, and let's face it, that's one of the most fun aspects of baby shopping! If you get too many clothes or things you don't particularly need, I think it's acceptable to return some items for store credit and to buy what you need most. Another thing is that even though people ask what they can get you to help, or may say over and over they will buy you something important off your list, you should always be able to buy the item yourself incase the person decides to get you something else. You really can't be upset about it after all, it is a free gift and you should know the gift giver most likely had good intentions. However I hope you do get plenty of the things you need off your registry and have fun setting up your baby's nursery or play/sleep areas after all is said and done. And I'm sorry to hear about your mother-in-law. I hope she will calm down once she sees how awesome of a mother you are!
My only issue with my shower was that I am a vegetarian, and my mother in law did not take that into account with the menu, also did not have any non alcoholic beverages besides water! I felt very guilty being upset about it. But really, my husband and I have been vegetarians for a while now, shouldn't that be a priority in the menu choice. I had to special request something else to eat and then she made a comment about it to me!
FOR REALS???? YOUR MIL????? That's tacky as shit. Everything had meat in it? What a B****
At some point early on, I did kind of "vent" on facebook about particular patterns I really dislike (I hate cars and stripes and all our first gifts were cars and stripes- I didn't vent about the gifts, just that it seems like the only selection available for little boys is cars and stripes and why aren't there any other patterns!) and I will say that at my showers, I did NOT receive cars and stripes. I returned/exchanged any gifts that I really didn't want or like, but agree it can be difficult figuring out where things were purchased without gift receipts.
My MIL asked me what we wanted- specifically an expensive gift- and I told her that any of the "big" items on our registry would be very helpful, but that I was sure anything she bought for our baby would be great. (She bought our carseat and pack n play as well as sends packages of little things regularly AND gifts at BOTH of our showers)
We bought our crib, and a VERY large supply of our expensive (Bambo) diaper choice, but we received the carseat, packnplay, bouncer, and stroller, and so many clothes, books, toys, and swaddles. Just enjoy the outpouring of love and try to be genuinely happy that they're excited for you. We did pretty much all of our exchanging in one day (which we ended up doing twice so not awful)
Ya I only had one shower and we had a girl. LITERALLY everyone got us an outfit or bath towel. I had a ton of stuff on the registry but we ended up having to buy a lot ourselves. We also had like 40 people there....lol at least I can say my daughter always looked adorable!
I did a diaper raffle so everyone at my shower brought me a pack of diapers (a regular pack of diapers - 1 raffle ticket, a box of diapers - 3 raffles tickets). My mom put together a great wine basket for the winner and we got a ton of diapers. We also asked that people include the receipt with the diapers in case our son out grows them that way we can exchange for whatever size we need.
As far as stuff not on the registry...I got a TON of clothes...even duplicates! But the good news is Target and Baby's R Us are amazing about taking stuff back as long as you get store credit. Both places actually let me bring in random stuff and they took the time to scan stuff to see if it has been purchased at their store...as long as it had they gave me full price store credit and I was able to purchase most of the necessities that I didn't get at my shower.
Some of the more expensive items I didn't receive I was able to find in "like new" condition on Craigslist for super cheap...I.e. My $179 Motorola Baby Monitor for only $60...
My experience is that people will get you what they find fun. Nipple cream and a breast pump just isn't as exciting as the cute onsies or shoes. I would say, be appreciative of the generocity and everything will come together. Also, half the stuff you feel like you absolutely need off of your registry right now, you probably will find was not as important. Trust me, don't overload on stuff.
If diapers and wipes are concerning you...do a diaper raffle! everyone who brings diapers gets entered to win a gift basket...my sister was awesome and made two pretty inexpensive baskets (one had a bottle of wine, 2 wine glasses, water crackers and cheese) Total cost was about $20. I have more diapers then I know what do do with now...
I had never heard of a diaper raffle, but think it sounds fabulous. It would not have been a good idea at my own baby showers because our (eco)diaper choice is rather pricey, but we did get lots of wipes and a diaper/wipe raffle could also be awesome. I think stipulating that participation is optional would take the pressure off. (We will be offering a diaper raffle at the shower for the new parents to be! If you'd like to participate, bring a pack of diapers or wipes for the little one and receive a ticket. The prize will be ____!)
I had never heard of a diaper raffle, but think it sounds fabulous. It would not have been a good idea at my own baby showers because our (eco)diaper choice is rather pricey, but we did get lots of wipes and a diaper/wipe raffle could also be awesome. I think stipulating that participation is optional would take the pressure off. (We will be offering a diaper raffle at the shower for the new parents to be! If you'd like to participate, bring a pack of diapers or wipes for the little one and receive a ticket. The prize will be ____!)
That is your problem not everyone else's. It sounds like a good idea to you because you are getting something out of it. To everyone who gets the invite it screams GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE MORE!
I had never heard of a diaper raffle, but think it sounds fabulous. It would not have been a good idea at my own baby showers because our (eco)diaper choice is rather pricey, but we did get lots of wipes and a diaper/wipe raffle could also be awesome. I think stipulating that participation is optional would take the pressure off. (We will be offering a diaper raffle at the shower for the new parents to be! If you'd like to participate, bring a pack of diapers or wipes for the little one and receive a ticket. The prize will be ____!)
That is your problem not everyone else's. It sounds like a good idea to you because you are getting something out of it. To everyone who gets the invite it screams GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE MORE!
If I got an invite like that I would feel obligated to bring a pack of diapers anyway. Nobody wants to be the only person to show up who doesn't participate.
I dunno. I feel like if it's first time parents, and you KNOW they need the help, what's the harm in a diaper raffle. However, the fact that someone brought a 42 pack and, and someone else brought 274 pack and didn't....I would think that would at least warrant extra entries.
I've been helping my cousin and my mom with the crafting for my upcoming baby shower and they decided they wanted to do a diaper raffle. So I casually mentioned to one of my non-kid loving friends that we were putting together a wine and goodies basket to raffle off just to see what she thought and she got so excited I was genuinely surprised. If my non-kid loving bar hopping 20-something year old friend, who is not shy about telling it like it is, didn't find it tacky I think making the blanket statement that people view diaper raffles a certain way to be a tad over dramatic.
I've been helping my cousin and my mom with the crafting for my upcoming baby shower and they decided they wanted to do a diaper raffle. So I casually mentioned to one of my non-kid loving friends that we were putting together a wine and goodies basket to raffle off just to see what she thought and she got so excited I was genuinely surprised. If my non-kid loving bar hopping 20-something year old friend, who is not shy about telling it like it is, didn't find it tacky I think making the blanket statement that people view diaper raffles a certain way to be a tad over dramatic.
It's not about not loving kids or not being maternal or a bar hopping drinker (???) It's about having manners. People are already bringing you a shower gift, asking them to bring something else is just rude. It's possible that your friend isn't aware of etiquette. That won't be the case for all your guests and some people will likely feel put off by the request. They will most likely be too polite to say anything to your face.
Maybe I should post this on the UO thread but I honestly don't see the big deal with the diaper raffle especially if you are giving a kick ass prize. I also don't think that people would buy like a 400 pack of diapers for said raffle but just a reasonably sized pack or normal pack or whatever. And it's clearly optional so I wouldn't feel weird or whatever if I didn't bring a pack or if someone decided not to bring a pack I think people read too much into all of this. Eh maybe I'm just weird.
Maybe I should post this on the UO thread but I honestly don't see the big deal with the diaper raffle especially if you are giving a kick ass prize. I also don't think that people would buy like a 400 pack of diapers for said raffle but just a reasonably sized pack or normal pack or whatever. And it's clearly optional so I wouldn't feel weird or whatever if I didn't bring a pack or if someone decided not to bring a pack I think people read too much into all of this. Eh maybe I'm just weird.
Saying something is optional doesn't mean some people won't feel obligated to participate. Like pp said, they may not want to be the only person who didn't bring diapers. And having a kick ass prize means nothing when only one person gets it. You are just hitting up your guests for as much as you can get from them. Same thing with the book instead of a card. If I want to include diapers or a book with my gift to you, I will do it without having it suggested. Other than that, I would feel like I'm being used for as many gifts as I can bring.
Maybe I should post this on the UO thread but I honestly don't see the big deal with the diaper raffle especially if you are giving a kick ass prize. I also don't think that people would buy like a 400 pack of diapers for said raffle but just a reasonably sized pack or normal pack or whatever. And it's clearly optional so I wouldn't feel weird or whatever if I didn't bring a pack or if someone decided not to bring a pack I think people read too much into all of this. Eh maybe I'm just weird.
Saying something is optional doesn't mean some people won't feel obligated to participate. Like pp said, they may not want to be the only person who didn't bring diapers. And having a kick ass prize means nothing when only one person gets it. You are just hitting up your guests for as much as you can get from them. Same thing with the book instead of a card. If I want to include diapers or a book with my gift to you, I will do it without having it suggested. Other than that, I would feel like I'm being used for as many gifts as I can bring.
This! When did just coming to your shower and bringing a gift not be enough for some people? I guess my UO is that if you don't want to have to buy diapers, don't have babies.
For my shower we did the book instead of a card suggestion. Some people still did a card and no book. Some people did a card and a book. Some people did a book. No obligation. Again automatically assuming people will feel obligated to bring or not bring is silly (to me). And I don't think I don't think that having a diaper raffle means you don't want to have to buy diapers. It's just another thing some people do for baby showers. It works for some groups and maybe not for others. But I guess we can agree to disagree.
Maybe I should post this on the UO thread but I honestly don't see the big deal with the diaper raffle especially if you are giving a kick ass prize. I also don't think that people would buy like a 400 pack of diapers for said raffle but just a reasonably sized pack or normal pack or whatever. And it's clearly optional so I wouldn't feel weird or whatever if I didn't bring a pack or if someone decided not to bring a pack I think people read too much into all of this. Eh maybe I'm just weird.
Saying something is optional doesn't mean some people won't feel obligated to participate. Like pp said, they may not want to be the only person who didn't bring diapers. And having a kick ass prize means nothing when only one person gets it. You are just hitting up your guests for as much as you can get from them. Same thing with the book instead of a card. If I want to include diapers or a book with my gift to you, I will do it without having it suggested. Other than that, I would feel like I'm being used for as many gifts as I can bring.
This! When did just coming to your shower and bringing a gift not be enough for some people? I guess my UO is that if you don't want to have to buy diapers, don't have babies.
Exactly. I feel like it gets worse and worse. Next it will be "hey everyone please bring a can of formula!" The entitlement just gets worse as we go on.
I had never heard of a diaper raffle, but think it sounds fabulous. It would not have been a good idea at my own baby showers because our (eco)diaper choice is rather pricey, but we did get lots of wipes and a diaper/wipe raffle could also be awesome. I think stipulating that participation is optional would take the pressure off. (We will be offering a diaper raffle at the shower for the new parents to be! If you'd like to participate, bring a pack of diapers or wipes for the little one and receive a ticket. The prize will be ____!)
That is your problem not everyone else's. It sounds like a good idea to you because you are getting something out of it. To everyone who gets the invite it screams GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE MORE!
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Um wow @bbiutmcph she said it wouldn't have been a good idea at her shower because they are pricey. Not that it is a good idea for her.
Diaper raffles are pretty common in our social circle so I don't really see an issue with them since it is optional. There have been times I've participated other times I haven't it really wasn't a big deal since names are put in a jar as you walk in and no one is really paying attention to who brought and who didn't. The diaper raffle gift is usually the higher end gift in my experience. I once won the raffle and received a 50 gift card to a restaurant and movie tickets so to me it was totally worth the 10 dollar pack of diapers I bought and I helped the new parents on top of it. I'm definitely one who believes in shower etiquette but maybe because it's so commonly done here I never gave it s second thought
Typically, I have an amount that I plan on spending for a shower (varies depending on how close I am to the person), and it gets distributed according to what the invitation asks for. Last week, I went to a shower for someone I have never hung out with socially that asked for a book instead of a card. Did I feel a little miffed? Sure. Was it warranted? Who knows? Would I have felt differently if she were a close friend I actually wanted to spend more money on? Probably. Did she get her book? Yes. She also got a package of white Carter's onesies off her registry, so it all worked out in the end.
These threads almost always boil down to what's common in your social circle or in society around you. Like @TheSouffleGirl was saying, it can also depend on how close you are to the mom as to what makes you side eye. I really just worry about my etiquette as a guest more than if their diaper raffle is grabby.
If you feel obligated to get someone diapers because of the raffle you probably need to just grow a backbone. I'm so sick of people using their crazy codependency and inability to say no and stand in their truth as an excuse. If I don't have the money for getting you diapers I won't get you diapers. If you happen to ask me where the diapers are then you are in fact the rude one.
Re: Feeling selfish about shower...
I guess what I'm getting at, is that people want to buy the "fun" stuff and not the "necessary" stuff. It's just human nature and you have to go with it. Specifically requesting a certain type of gift is pretty rude... It's a GIFT, and just like any other event, you can return/exchange it, or just accept it with a smile.
Also, my SILs who are throwing my shower put a little note in the invitations requesting diapers and wipes for the wishing well. I don't really agree with this and wouldn't do it if I were handling it myself, but they are kind enough to throw the shower and if they are comfortable with it, I will go with it too...
At some point early on, I did kind of "vent" on facebook about particular patterns I really dislike (I hate cars and stripes and all our first gifts were cars and stripes- I didn't vent about the gifts, just that it seems like the only selection available for little boys is cars and stripes and why aren't there any other patterns!) and I will say that at my showers, I did NOT receive cars and stripes. I returned/exchanged any gifts that I really didn't want or like, but agree it can be difficult figuring out where things were purchased without gift receipts.
My MIL asked me what we wanted- specifically an expensive gift- and I told her that any of the "big" items on our registry would be very helpful, but that I was sure anything she bought for our baby would be great. (She bought our carseat and pack n play as well as sends packages of little things regularly AND gifts at BOTH of our showers)
We bought our crib, and a VERY large supply of our expensive (Bambo) diaper choice, but we received the carseat, packnplay, bouncer, and stroller, and so many clothes, books, toys, and swaddles. Just enjoy the outpouring of love and try to be genuinely happy that they're excited for you. We did pretty much all of our exchanging in one day (which we ended up doing twice so not awful)
As far as stuff not on the registry...I got a TON of clothes...even duplicates! But the good news is Target and Baby's R Us are amazing about taking stuff back as long as you get store credit. Both places actually let me bring in random stuff and they took the time to scan stuff to see if it has been purchased at their store...as long as it had they gave me full price store credit and I was able to purchase most of the necessities that I didn't get at my shower.
Some of the more expensive items I didn't receive I was able to find in "like new" condition on Craigslist for super cheap...I.e. My $179 Motorola Baby Monitor for only $60...
I had never heard of a diaper raffle, but think it sounds fabulous. It would not have been a good idea at my own baby showers because our (eco)diaper choice is rather pricey, but we did get lots of wipes and a diaper/wipe raffle could also be awesome. I think stipulating that participation is optional would take the pressure off. (We will be offering a diaper raffle at the shower for the new parents to be! If you'd like to participate, bring a pack of diapers or wipes for the little one and receive a ticket. The prize will be ____!)
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Um wow @bbiutmcph she said it wouldn't have been a good idea at her shower because they are pricey. Not that it is a good idea for her.