Feeling selfish about shower...

ruthsurface · September 2015

So I've had two small showers so far, one with work and one with my side of family. We have gotten about 30 items off our registry from those and many items that we didn't really request. I have one more shower at the end of this month being hosted by my best friend, who also happens to be married to my husband's cousin. She has been so generous in asking me specifically what I want and really planning it for me! She will be inviting my husband's side of family and a couple friends so it will probably be the biggest shower.

*Side bar rant about MIL: Because I didn't want the same people being invited to three or four showers, I have declined offers from rest of family to plan showers. That has really pissed my MIL off and she keeps bringing up things she thinks my friend is doing wrong. She keeps saying we should have picked a different date because of such and such aunt that won't be able to make it... And then talking about the gifts she is going to buy for us to keep at her house for "her baby".......... I could literally throw up any time she brings stuff like that up!!! She about murdered me when we told her we changed the date to the Saturday we are moving into our new house (my husband doesn't want me helping move and said that would be best day to have shower so I wouldn't be stressed out.) Her response was "don't you think your wife should be there to help you move into your house?!" LoL sorry for the rant about MIL...

Sooooo this all made me start thinking about all the stuff we actually still need from our registry (that we will be keeping at our house) and trying to think of tactful ways to strongly suggest people only gift items from our registry. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel like I can complain about a gift, but there at literally 60 items on our list that we need more than clothes and toys, or "my aunt is awesome" 24 month onsies... Ie: diapers, wipes, car seat, high chair, bottles, changing pad... I'm feeling super selfish about the whole shower and am trying to calm down about it...
Any one else having shower/registry issues?! How have you all dealt with this?

rue:D · September 2015

Just because something hasn't come off your registry yet doesn't mean that you won't be getting it. You also can't really ask your guests what to bring you as a gift. Worst case, hopefully you'll get gift cards or items that you can return for store credit and buy things that you actually need.

JaqiDec04 · September 2015

There is still a lot of time for people to shop off the registry.

Also, you can always return clothes for store credit if you get to many.

But no, you cannot dictate to your guests what they do or do not purchase for you. It's your responsibility to purchase what you need for your baby.

If you don't get what you need, sit down in front of your computer Sunday, add the items to your shopping cart and have them delivered to your home. There is nothing to be stressed about.

Rikki_5 · September 2015

Well, let me say you are lucky to be having so many showers thrown for you. Unfortunately, you cannot dictate that people buy specifically off of your registry as any gift is that -- a gift. that said, hopefully you can take some items back for store credit and get what you want. I only got a handful of things off my registry but a lot bought gift cards which I used for the necessities....but the majority of my gifts were baby clothes, people just love buying baby clothes.

J1D · September 2015

At the end of the day anything you need for the baby is your responsibility to purchase as the parents. Your guests are there to celebrate and have fun and yes, give you gifts, but it's totally up to them what gifts they would like to give you. Some people don't get any baby shower at all, let alone 3 baby showers, so I think you should count your blessings, be happy with whatever you are gifted and then go shopping for whatever else you still need.

Now, for the record, I ALWAYS buy off the registry and I ALWAYS buy the diapers, wipes, bottle brushes, drying racks, ect. Basically the "boring" necessities that I know the other guests will pass up in favor of the cute clothes. I do this cause I'm a really practical person, but I know not everyone is and if it brings them joy to buy you cute novelty stuff you can't really dictate to them that you want practical gifts. It's the nature of gifts.

LilMuppet1022 · September 2015

My only issue with my shower was that I am a vegetarian, and my mother in law did not take that into account with the menu, also did not have any non alcoholic beverages besides water! I felt very guilty being upset about it. But really, my husband and I have been vegetarians for a while now, shouldn't that be a priority in the menu choice. I had to special request something else to eat and then she made a comment about it to me!

tbasinski · September 2015

Unfortunately it is your job to buy the necessitates for baby- not the job of shower guests. However you are allowed to return things you don't want/need! Which can get you store credit to buy what you do want/need. It's hard to wait for a shower to see what you get before you go shop, I know. But such is life. Enjoy your shower and sorry you have a crazy MIL!

swickham7 · September 2015

I only had one shower and most of my gifts were not bought off the registry, and we also did not get gift cards. I am grateful for the gifts we got (mostly clothes) but my husband and I sort of figured people wouldn't listen because we were actually told by people that they didn't like what was on the registry therefore they won't buy it. So the night after my shower I went online and purchased the rest of what we needed except the bassinet and humidifier, which I will be getting this week and next week. One big piece that I took from this experience is from here on out any baby shower I am invited to ( the first one I went to was my own) I will strictly buy off the registry, to help ease the mind of the mama to be, and I will buy necessities on their they will need for their little one.

MandahGirly · September 2015

I'm not going to repeat what everyone has said because they are all very right. You will just need to reevaluate what is really important for you to have for baby and what were things on your registry that you really need. I honestly don't think that you *need* 60 different things for baby. You just need to prioritize what is really important for you to have.

kfry22 · September 2015

I agree with everyone else. I don't have many friends and hubby and I both have small families. We have a small registry with 30 items on it because I have bought so much myself second hand at garage sales and thrifts stores. I looked at my shower as a way to celebrate and not get gifts. My shower is Saturday and 30 people were invited. 6 have rsvpd that they are coming. Nothing is bought off of the registry yet. You can't dictate what people buy for you and you may need to analyze what you really need to have after your shower. If money is an issue you can buy used stuff as well.

mommyTARDIS · September 2015

If it helps:
For my registry I only put necessity items, and a few things that I wish for on it, specifically b/c there will be those who will buy outside of it. It was advice I was given by a couple moms and it saved me so much time and stress searching for cute outfits, toys, books and other things that I can just buy later with gift cards.
I did put some cute little Chicago Bears onesies on the list b/c they are my husbands favorite team, but the rest is all bath and bigger items.

Some ladies from My mom's church, which is small, is throwing it for me and encoraged me to put some of the bigger items, like a pack n' play and car seat, on it b/c it's church tradition that some of the members will typically go in together to buy items like this for FTMs. But then just expect people to give us clothes and stuff they pickk out.

So I only put items on the registry that I really wanted and feel like are needed(except for the Bears clothes) with the knowledge that I may not get all of them, and that I can go buy them later. (I have also been practicing the "Oh, its so cute thank you!" face and voice for when I open a bag and hate it >.< )

millereliz13 · September 2015

My recommendation is to stay the heck off your registry and relax. There will be stuff bought you won't need, say thank you and return it if given gift reciepts. Idk if you have them in your area, but Once Upon A Child had some great deals on used equipment.

babyvelasquez2015 · September 2015

I'll be honest... I seperated all clothing by sizes and returned all duplicates or clothes that I had too much of one size. (Babies grow so quickly she wouldn't go through all the clothes). I got store credit and bought things I still needed like bottles etc. good luck!

leighann1 · September 2015

ruthsurface said:

So I've had two small showers so far, one with work and one with my side of family. We have gotten about 30 items off our registry from those and many items that we didn't really request. I have one more shower at the end of this month being hosted by my best friend, who also happens to be married to my husband's cousin. She has been so generous in asking me specifically what I want and really planning it for me! She will be inviting my husband's side of family and a couple friends so it will probably be the biggest shower. *Side bar rant about MIL: Because I didn't want the same people being invited to three or four showers, I have declined offers from rest of family to plan showers. That has really pissed my MIL off and she keeps bringing up things she thinks my friend is doing wrong. She keeps saying we should have picked a different date because of such and such aunt that won't be able to make it... And then talking about the gifts she is going to buy for us to keep at her house for "her baby".......... I could literally throw up any time she brings stuff like that up!!! She about murdered me when we told her we changed the date to the Saturday we are moving into our new house (my husband doesn't want me helping move and said that would be best day to have shower so I wouldn't be stressed out.) Her response was "don't you think your wife should be there to help you move into your house?!" LoL sorry for the rant about MIL... Sooooo this all made me start thinking about all the stuff we actually still need from our registry (that we will be keeping at our house) and trying to think of tactful ways to strongly suggest people only gift items from our registry. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel like I can complain about a gift, but there at literally 60 items on our list that we need more than clothes and toys, or "my aunt is awesome" 24 month onsies... Ie: diapers, wipes, car seat, high chair, bottles, changing pad... I'm feeling super selfish about the whole shower and am trying to calm down about it... Any one else having shower/registry issues?! How have you all dealt with this?

1. There is no way to tactfully suggest to people what they should buy you or that they should stick to the registry.

2. Edit your registry to only include what you still want. I originally had blankets and some clothes, but I have more than enough now, so I removed all of it before my work shower. No guarantee anyone will stick to it, but it's the best you can do.

3. Return extra items if you can and use the store credit to purchase other items.

4. At the risk of sounding harsh (not my intent): suck it up, be thankful for what you get, and buy the rest yourself.

Bonus tip: I recently found out that Amazon has a 15% completion discount. I didn't originally register there, because as a FTM, I wanted to see stuff in the store, but I've been adding my big, still-need-to-buy items onto an Amazon registry and will purchase at a great discount after my work shower happens. I'm also stockpiling BBB 20% off coupons.

Sbrouwer0706 · September 2015

While I can understand hoping to get necessities at your shower over the cutesy things I think you may be looking at this the wrong way.

With gifts you don't feel you need you can return them to the store for credit most of the time. I know you don't need a gift receipt at many stores. With this money you can buy more of the things you need.

I also don't think you need 60 more things for baby. I feel like I have everything I need for baby's arrival and it isn't anywhere near 60 things. There are a few more things I would like to have but definitely nothing that is a have to have.

Just try to focus on the fact that so many people are wanting to celebrate you and this great time in your life. With any big event there is always frustrations but it's all about perspective.

Louisl · September 2015

I had a small shower because I don't have any family nearby so it was all friends who don't have a lot of money and bought small things or nothing at all (I asked the host to stress that gifts weren't required, I just wanted people to come and celebrate and not feel pressured to spend money). However, we've recieved soooo many clothes that are just not our style. Like, in two boxes packed with clothes, all but three items had Disney characters and cutesie phrases. Some highlights: "If you think I'm a hunk you should see my uncle", "My daddy's truck is bigger than yours" (my husband doesn't have a truck), entire Frozen outfits, etc. We have so many clothes already that don't have characters and silly wording. I felt really bad they spent their hard earned money on these these and didn't want them going to waste sitting in our closet so I found a great women's shelter nearby and put them to very good use. They were happy to get so many items, brand new ones at that. Anyway, all this to say we can't dictate how others spend their money on us and we just have to roll with it.

Edited to add: it was family that sent us the boxes of clothes

meredygw · September 2015

I know somewhat how you feel. I'm having my second boy four years after my first. I have gotten rid of a lot of smaller baby items, and some I wanted new: baby bottles, changing pad, diaper pail, all bath items, thermometer. We used my old crib and mattress that my parents had saved for me with my first son so I also wanted a new crib and mattress which we bought ourself but was semi pricey.
The place I work has showers for everyone! Third or second babies, doesn't matter, and the last shower they had 3 months before she was due. Well needless to say I'm due in less than 5 weeks and still no shower

sanderskn · September 2015

I don't really have any advice but I get how you feel. I don't want to have a shower at all because I am a shy person and hate being the center of attention. Our shower is actually this weekend and I'm dreading it. Also hardly anyone has bought things off of our registry and apparently a lot of people are coming so I am anticipating getting a lot of things we don't really want and that stresses me out too. We have a registry on Amazon and apparently no one can figure it out.

ROrtiz07 · September 2015

I completely understand how you feel! I'm not going to sit here & act like the etiquette police. I think we all know how annoying it can be to have a WHOLE BUNCH of things given to you that you don't need. I had my mom suggest gift cards on the invitations and left out my registry info because I'm sharing a room with baby, I really don't have space for things the baby won't need or I'll use frequently & I actually bought 90% of the things I needed before the shower anyway (nesting is a serious thing). Lol it didn't really work out for me because I got about 6 huge blankets & a massive amount of clothes that I can't put on the baby until next summer or at all since they'll be out of season by the time he'll fit them. & returning things for store credit usually only works if you know what store it came from, which most of the things I got had zero indication of that (no receipt, no tag, etc.) I ended up donating a lot of things. I felt better about giving stuff up to others who could use these things more than I could. So if you find yourself in a huge mountain of unwanted or unnecessary items, donate what you can.

cmjn94 · September 2015

I donated a lot of stuff too. I took back anything I didn't need that had a receipt or was on my registry and donated the rest. But when I took stuff back, I got over $100 back of store credit so it's definitely worth it to take anything back that you don't need.

mommyTARDIS · September 2015

I really had to fight the temptation to put "I would prefer this/that, really need/want this" notes on my registry b/c it's on Babyli.st and gives you the option to add a note:
"You can add an additional note here to help your gift-givers. (Example: What size or color would you like)
Although I did wind up putting a note on some of the options, and this is why.
Baby list has an option to put Help and Favors options on the registry:
I picked:Baby Books and put the notes:
If you have any baby books you wish to give, new, old, silly/cute, educational, then please feel free to do so. I love reading and I can't wait to share that love of reading with our little one. (The number is just a placeholder we don't need 20 books, the site likes to have a number selected.) (this part is the only anoying part, you have to put a number
While there are books I specifally want, I did not want to go to the trouble of adding all of them, I will just buy them later.
I also picked: Used Baby Clothes (which I already know are being given):
Why buy expensive new clothes if you don't have to? If you have any used baby clothes you wish to give instead then please feel free to do so.

(The number is really just a placeholder, not a needed amount of clothing. Any amount is still welcome no matter what )

There are also options for:
Babysitting
House cleaning
Home-cooked Meals
Dog Walking
Please Help Me...(a blank card to ask for any other things that you really need help with more than things)

Gingerella8 · September 2015

I got 7 things off my registry at my shower, 7. To repeat everyone else there is no way you can strongly suggest for people to stick to your registry. My advice is to be thankful you have so many people that care about you and take the time to celebrate your new baby.
Take some time to reflect , reread all your cards and realize how many people care about you and your baby. I was very emotional and touched doing this, and it put things in perspective.

JennyBon · September 2015

People are going to do what they want to do...regardless. You could take the stuff off your registry that you now feel isn't a necessity but then my previous statement still applies. I literally only registered for three outfits...3!!!....and received a ton of clothes. Just write gracious thank you notes and hope the tags are left on so that maybe you can return it and apply it to something you need. On another note....it doesn't matter what day your shower is there will always be someone who can't make it. Folks shouldn't take it so personal. It's not about aunt so so it's about when it's a good time for momma and host. Good luck.

OliveOyl2014 · September 2015

ROrtiz07 said:
I completely understand how you feel! I'm not going to sit here & act like the etiquette police. I think we all know how annoying it can be to have a WHOLE BUNCH of things given to you that you don't need. I had my mom suggest gift cards on the invitations and left out my registry info because I'm sharing a room with baby, I really don't have space for things the baby won't need or I'll use frequently & I actually bought 90% of the things I needed before the shower anyway (nesting is a serious thing). Lol it didn't really work out for me because I got about 6 huge blankets & a massive amount of clothes that I can't put on the baby until next summer or at all since they'll be out of season by the time he'll fit them. & returning things for store credit usually only works if you know what store it came from, which most of the things I got had zero indication of that (no receipt, no tag, etc.) I ended up donating a lot of things. I felt better about giving stuff up to others who could use these things more than I could. So if you find yourself in a huge mountain of unwanted or unnecessary items, donate what you can.

I'm not surprised your plan didn't work out for you. If I received an invitation where gift cards were suggested I would purposely ignore that and go out and buy whatever I wanted. It comes across as telling your guests you are only after their money. What if someone can't afford to buy you a baby blanket, but has taken hours of their time to hand make one? A gift like that would mean so much more to me than anything a gift card can buy.

intheversa · September 2015

I've been lucky enough to have 3 showers. Almost everyone went off the registry. But I'm going to agree with everyone that you can't dictate what people give you.

So you find other options. Start saving coupons. Take the items that you don't need back to the stores for store credit if possible. Or even start looking for it second hand. A little trick I've learned as a FTM, other moms know where to find the deals because they've been there too. So ask them. Or go garage sale shopping. I found so many gently used items for next to nothing. Another option is consignment sales or baby sale events. There are so many money saving options out there. The majority of my clothes for the baby are second hand.

And if there's stuff you really need new, then unfortunately you're just going to have to buy it yourself. We bought our baby carrier, our base, and our changing pad. It sucks, but it's part of having a baby.

jenn2132 · September 2015

It's definitely not a good idea to depend on your registry for all of your big ticket items or necessities because chances are people are going to deviate from the registry. It may be disappointing but you really can't be angry about what people choose to gift you without coming off as ungrateful. Long before I had my shower I decided what items I couldn't live without or really wanted and I purchased those items myself. I left my registry to smaller items and some things I received and others I didn't. I will say clothes are necessities in my eyes as babies go through multiple onesies and outfits a day especially early on and baby clothes are not cheap. I think the previous posters gave you good suggestions on exchanging duplicates etc. for things you feel you need. I also have to agree 60 items is way more than you NEED so I would prioritize what is an actual necessity vs what is something you can purchase later.

mammadin · September 2015

I'm really practical too, so what we did was instead of having a registry, my best friend organised a "group gift" that people could opt into. About 80% of the guests opted in so I was lucky enough to get several larger items and a few smaller ones I wanted. I also organised a group gift for my friend and we were able to buy her the pram she wanted. We both received some gifts that were chosen by guests but overall were happy with the result

elmann1 · September 2015

OliveOyl2014 said:

I completely understand how you feel! I'm not going to sit here & act like the etiquette police. I think we all know how annoying it can be to have a WHOLE BUNCH of things given to you that you don't need. I had my mom suggest gift cards on the invitations and left out my registry info because I'm sharing a room with baby, I really don't have space for things the baby won't need or I'll use frequently & I actually bought 90% of the things I needed before the shower anyway (nesting is a serious thing). Lol it didn't really work out for me because I got about 6 huge blankets & a massive amount of clothes that I can't put on the baby until next summer or at all since they'll be out of season by the time he'll fit them. & returning things for store credit usually only works if you know what store it came from, which most of the things I got had zero indication of that (no receipt, no tag, etc.) I ended up donating a lot of things. I felt better about giving stuff up to others who could use these things more than I could. So if you find yourself in a huge mountain of unwanted or unnecessary items, donate what you can.
I'm not surprised your plan didn't work out for you. If I received an invitation where gift cards were suggested I would purposely ignore that and go out and buy whatever I wanted. It comes across as telling your guests you are only after their money. What if someone can't afford to buy you a baby blanket, but has taken hours of their time to hand make one? A gift like that would mean so much more to me than anything a gift card can buy.

I agree. I enjoy making things for people and their babies, and I'd hate to think they'd be on here venting on how I didn't give them a gift card instead. It's just bratty. You can't dictate gifts, ever. You can put anything on the invitation but people are going to buy or make you want they want. DH and I didn't receive much from our registry, but it's ok. We have been saving for baby so we bought all essentials ourselves. Shower gifts were fun and cutesy things and thats fine, it's a "Baby Shower" not only a "Give me gifts" celebration.

adriennerose80 · September 2015

I've noticed that most baby shower goers fall into two categories: the ones that buy all the cute stuff you don't need, or the ones who buy practical items like diapers and other things FTMs don't ever think about but could honestly use. Both have their purposes and both are coming from the heart. People will also buy last minute, if from the registry at all, so take off everything you DON'T WANT if you're looking for specific items. However, it doesn't mean you will get it. What you will get, however, is the discount almost every place offers because they want you to spend money, so put all the big items there and you'll get a discount at the end. Because let's be real, most people aren't going to fork over $400 for a stroller, and as the parents you're going to have to expect to buy most of these yourselves. Having people purchase the big items for you is more of a nice surprise - not something you should be expecting.

jefinley1 · September 2015

The only things I put on the registry were things I knew that I was going to buy myself anyway. To me, registries are a tool to help people know what you really need if that's the route they want to go. Some people will always do something more personal or just get whatever they want and it's totally their prerogative. So if you want to try to get the most things that you absolutely feel you need instead of just want (because realistically, there is no way all 90 things on your registry are things you need) make sure people know what those things are.

I saw my registry as my baby shopping list, and if other people wanted to help cross things off, that was so awesome. If not, still my shopping list, my responsibility. There is no tactful way to make it sound like it's their shopping list too.

adriennerose80 · September 2015

jefinley1 said:

The only things I put on the registry were things I knew that I was going to buy myself anyway. To me, registries are a tool to help people know what you really need if that's the route they want to go. Some people will always do something more personal or just get whatever they want and it's totally their prerogative. So if you want to try to get the most things that you absolutely feel you need instead of just want (because realistically, there is no way all 90 things on your registry are things you need) make sure people know what those things are.

I saw my registry as my baby shopping list, and if other people wanted to help cross things off, that was so awesome. If not, still my shopping list, my responsibility. There is no tactful way to make it sound like it's their shopping list too.

I did this as well. It helped me remember what I need and what's important. My registries also led to my mom friends calling me to give advice on what items are worthwhile and what I should take off. For instance, the car seat I wanted went on heavy discount this week and I pulled it off my registry right away and bought it because I wanted the cheaper price! I wouldn't have noticed had I not put it on there.

jefinley1 · September 2015

adriennerose80 said:

jefinley1 said:

The only things I put on the registry were things I knew that I was going to buy myself anyway. To me, registries are a tool to help people know what you really need if that's the route they want to go. Some people will always do something more personal or just get whatever they want and it's totally their prerogative. So if you want to try to get the most things that you absolutely feel you need instead of just want (because realistically, there is no way all 90 things on your registry are things you need) make sure people know what those things are.

I saw my registry as my baby shopping list, and if other people wanted to help cross things off, that was so awesome. If not, still my shopping list, my responsibility. There is no tactful way to make it sound like it's their shopping list too.

I did this as well. It helped me remember what I need and what's important. My registries also led to my mom friends calling me to give advice on what items are worthwhile and what I should take off. For instance, the car seat I wanted went on heavy discount this week and I pulled it off my registry right away and bought it because I wanted the cheaper price! I wouldn't have noticed had I not put it on there.

Exactly. I also had a couple of people buy things off the registry that were totally utilitarian and I never would have thought of. My sister-in-law bought this baby dishes and bottles grass and tree thing. I never would have thought of something like that but it is going to be so helpful with all of the tiny things we'll have to wash.

Plus, and apparently I'm just weird in this, but I love donating gifts I don't like or need. Not only is it totally liberating to not feel like I have to be attached to stuff, I love knowing that someone who will love it will get it way cheaper than otherwise, and maybe have something they wouldn't be able to afford otherwise. The beauty of it is that if you're in the same situation, where you didn't get what you needed, hopefully someone else didn't need it and donated so YOU can get it cheaper.

ruthsurface · September 2015

Thank you ladies for your thoughts and advice! Please don't misunderstand me in that I am VERY thankful for any gifts we do receive and that my frustration only comes from being a first time mom and the unknown of what we really need for a baby. I did go back through my registry and take off items that weren't necessary right away, got it down to about 30 items (that number is including multiple packs of diapers and wipes so it's not really even that many more items) giving me a good idea of what will be my shopping list either way. And of course I will just go buy whatever I still need after shower (duh)! You are all correct in that gifts are just that gifts and it has been nice to get items I didn't even know I would need and all were out of kindness and love!
Thank you all again for your perspective and comments!

adriennerose80 · September 2015

@ruthsurface Thank you for having an adult response. Lot's of times baby shower threads bring out the worst in people because we are so used to the typical selfish posters who really do consider a shower to be a right and not a privilege. It's definitely overwhelming and hard when you get so much stuff you don't know what to do with, but you were smart in taking off all the unnecessary stuff for now. And who knows, all those clothes may very well come in handy!

elmann1 · September 2015

@ruthsurface, Thanks for that! I love how understanding you are and I so appreciate your non-bratty attitude towards all of this

I"m a FTM too and I didn't expect so few things to be bought off our registry, but it's been fun buying and figuring things out with DH and we have NO idea how to even use them lol (high chair, bottles, diapers, etc) but we have dresses for every holiday from everyone!

ROrtiz07 · September 2015

OliveOyl2014 said:

ROrtiz07 said:
I completely understand how you feel! I'm not going to sit here & act like the etiquette police. I think we all know how annoying it can be to have a WHOLE BUNCH of things given to you that you don't need. I had my mom suggest gift cards on the invitations and left out my registry info because I'm sharing a room with baby, I really don't have space for things the baby won't need or I'll use frequently & I actually bought 90% of the things I needed before the shower anyway (nesting is a serious thing). Lol it didn't really work out for me because I got about 6 huge blankets & a massive amount of clothes that I can't put on the baby until next summer or at all since they'll be out of season by the time he'll fit them. & returning things for store credit usually only works if you know what store it came from, which most of the things I got had zero indication of that (no receipt, no tag, etc.) I ended up donating a lot of things. I felt better about giving stuff up to others who could use these things more than I could. So if you find yourself in a huge mountain of unwanted or unnecessary items, donate what you can.
I'm not surprised your plan didn't work out for you. If I received an invitation where gift cards were suggested I would purposely ignore that and go out and buy whatever I wanted. It comes across as telling your guests you are only after their money. What if someone can't afford to buy you a baby blanket, but has taken hours of their time to hand make one? A gift like that would mean so much more to me than anything a gift card can buy.

The gift card suggestion wasn't a blatant "mom wants gift cards". It was written in a little poem explaining the lack of space & it was merely a suggestion, as is a registry. So wouldn't it be just as offensive to hand people a registry card saying "this is the stuff I want"? A gift card doesn't need to be some crazy amount of money. $5, $10, those things all add up at the end of the day. It's amazing how judgemental & downright spiteful people like you can be. So because someone makes a suggestion YOU don't like, you'd purposely go out of your way to do something to annoy them? That's way more offensive than SUGGESTING a gift card.

alinic916 · September 2015

@ROrtiz07 pretty sure buying someone a gift isn't going out of your way to annoy them and definitely not offensive.

elmann1 · September 2015

@ROrtiz07 The registry you "hand" to people is often expected with a baby shower, it's just a guide. I can't see it as offensive? A poem with implications of gift cards is not expected. It's also hard to imagine someone thinking so and so was "spiteful" and "annoying" because "she crocheted me blanket instead of giving me a $10 giftcard to Babies R Us!"

bbiutmcph · September 2015

ROrtiz07 said:

OliveOyl2014 said:

ROrtiz07 said:
I completely understand how you feel! I'm not going to sit here & act like the etiquette police. I think we all know how annoying it can be to have a WHOLE BUNCH of things given to you that you don't need. I had my mom suggest gift cards on the invitations and left out my registry info because I'm sharing a room with baby, I really don't have space for things the baby won't need or I'll use frequently & I actually bought 90% of the things I needed before the shower anyway (nesting is a serious thing). Lol it didn't really work out for me because I got about 6 huge blankets & a massive amount of clothes that I can't put on the baby until next summer or at all since they'll be out of season by the time he'll fit them. & returning things for store credit usually only works if you know what store it came from, which most of the things I got had zero indication of that (no receipt, no tag, etc.) I ended up donating a lot of things. I felt better about giving stuff up to others who could use these things more than I could. So if you find yourself in a huge mountain of unwanted or unnecessary items, donate what you can.
I'm not surprised your plan didn't work out for you. If I received an invitation where gift cards were suggested I would purposely ignore that and go out and buy whatever I wanted. It comes across as telling your guests you are only after their money. What if someone can't afford to buy you a baby blanket, but has taken hours of their time to hand make one? A gift like that would mean so much more to me than anything a gift card can buy.
The gift card suggestion wasn't a blatant "mom wants gift cards". It was written in a little poem explaining the lack of space & it was merely a suggestion, as is a registry. So wouldn't it be just as offensive to hand people a registry card saying "this is the stuff I want"? A gift card doesn't need to be some crazy amount of money. $5, $10, those things all add up at the end of the day. It's amazing how judgemental & downright spiteful people like you can be. So because someone makes a suggestion YOU don't like, you'd purposely go out of your way to do something to annoy them? That's way more offensive than SUGGESTING a gift card.

A little poem doesn't make it less tacky or hide the fact you are flat out dictating what people should bring. It basically says I want these particular things so I'm going to make a cutesy poem so I can try to hide the fact I am saying "this is the type of gift I want". Showers are a gift giving event and people ask where you are registered. Adding on an invite a poem about gift cards basically says give me all the cash.

wassuphoes · September 2015

ROrtiz07 said:

I completely understand how you feel! I'm not going to sit here & act like the etiquette police. I think we all know how annoying it can be to have a WHOLE BUNCH of things given to you that you don't need. I had my mom suggest gift cards on the invitations and left out my registry info because I'm sharing a room with baby, I really don't have space for things the baby won't need or I'll use frequently & I actually bought 90% of the things I needed before the shower anyway (nesting is a serious thing). Lol it didn't really work out for me because I got about 6 huge blankets & a massive amount of clothes that I can't put on the baby until next summer or at all since they'll be out of season by the time he'll fit them. & returning things for store credit usually only works if you know what store it came from, which most of the things I got had zero indication of that (no receipt, no tag, etc.) I ended up donating a lot of things. I felt better about giving stuff up to others who could use these things more than I could. So if you find yourself in a huge mountain of unwanted or unnecessary items, donate what you can.
I'm not surprised your plan didn't work out for you. If I received an invitation where gift cards were suggested I would purposely ignore that and go out and buy whatever I wanted. It comes across as telling your guests you are only after their money. What if someone can't afford to buy you a baby blanket, but has taken hours of their time to hand make one? A gift like that would mean so much more to me than anything a gift card can buy.
The gift card suggestion wasn't a blatant "mom wants gift cards". It was written in a little poem explaining the lack of space & it was merely a suggestion, as is a registry. So wouldn't it be just as offensive to hand people a registry card saying "this is the stuff I want"? A gift card doesn't need to be some crazy amount of money. $5, $10, those things all add up at the end of the day. It's amazing how judgemental & downright spiteful people like you can be. So because someone makes a suggestion YOU don't like, you'd purposely go out of your way to do something to annoy them? That's way more offensive than SUGGESTING a gift card.

Lurker here.

Poems do no make requesting gift cards okay. Everyone knows gift cards are good and appreciated gifts, but some people feel very uncomfortable giving gift cards, especially in a shower situation. (Ohh, look at this hand made blanket Aunt Hilda made! It's so gorgeous thanks Aunt Hilda. Oh, Aunt Wassuphoes gave me a 25 dollar gift card, thats nice. ) Penis envy has nothing on present giving envy.

It's also hella boring to watch someone open gift card after gift card. And I personally found at my bridal shower, opening gift cards/money gifts in front of other people is the most awkward part of the shower. You don't want to announce how much someone gave, or accidently show it.

adriennerose80 · September 2015

@wassuphoes I equate it to asking for cash at a wedding. Everyone knows that what's you want, especially since most people give that to you now, but to blatantly ask for it just comes off as rude. And you're right, in a shower setting it is dull and boring, and seems like you put 0 thought into an actual present, even if it's a legitimate (and very useful) gift.

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