@JessHeppell I really hope your DH steps up for you. Babies really freak men out sometimes but that's not an excuse. He needs to step up and be a father. He's not letting himself bond with LO so he doesn't get it.
Hugs to all you mommas having problems. I told SO that I feel like I'm a single parent and he asked how and I explained how his never home etc (his still living like it's just us 2). I think he realised his never home (fingers crossed he starts making a change)
Hubby offered for me to sleep at my moms one night this weekend and he would take care of Lo so I could have a full nights sleep for once. Thinking about taking him up on it. But also don't trust him to wake up when she cries and scared he will fall asleep and drop her when he has her upright for those 30 mins after feeding. I'm so torn. I should trust him but it freaks me out. He's never had to do the middle of the night feeding because he works at 5 am. But I start back to school the 31st. And I'll be damned if I continue to do this.
@lovethatcolosun I hate how they have an unfair advantage with the Dada sound being easier than Mama
I'm really sorry to the girls that are going through relationship issues. With my twins, I still remember the stress that it brought to our marriage. DH and I, made a promise/saying that most things that were said that were hurtful was mostly said out of exhaustion and not to take things to heart. We would always revisit the discussion when we had more sleep and could think rationally.
DH changes the diaper of LO every night before bed, and then hands her to me for the drEam feed. Tonight he handed her to me and I said "oh my god I love this baby" and he replied "I know, right? I think that every time I pick her up". It made my heart melt.
DH changes the diaper of LO every night before bed, and then hands her to me for the drEam feed. Tonight he handed her to me and I said "oh my god I love this baby" and he replied "I know, right? I think that every time I pick her up". It made my heart melt.
I love this! My DH says stuff like this too. It is so sweet. He has such a hard time leaving for work in the morning because he starts playing with the baby.
Ugh so I thought DH and I had a promising talk that would lead to him helping more at the night feeding because I'm going back to school in 3 weeks and can't continue to be the only one getting up with her for this feeding. And DH agreed. Tonight we went to a local baseball game and got home and put Lo in her bassinet to bed. He decided that he was going to stay up until 2 (when she normally wakes up to eat). Apparently to him this is easier then waking up when she does. Idiot. Well at 230 I wake up and she's still out. So happy because we made the switch to the bassinet and it has been exhausting. So I told him to come to bed. At 330 she begins to make noise and I know she will wake soon so I start making her a bottle. Then while I'm doing that she starts to get louder and begins to cry. I finally walk back into the room to get her and he's still laying there. Didn't even move to change her diaper or anything. Wtf is wrong with guys?!?! Thanks a whole lot for the help! Ugh
On the plus side my mom is taking LO around 8am for the day and I'm sleeping for the majority of it because this mama is exhausted and sick of doing most of the work
I think my DH has a nice night out planned for our 2 yr anniversary ........ Is it bad that I just want to cancel it and sleep ? .... I won't, but the thought has crossed my mind.
@klkonwi I would do the same thing. I'm already planning to take a secret vacation day when I go back to work and sleep all day. I'm going crazy. Sleep is so important!
Last night DH and I went to bed at the same time for the first time in probably a month. It was soooo nice to have the snuggle time, and we realized it's probably a large part of why we've been feeling disconnected. I think this is the first time since LO was born that I both fell asleep and woke up in DH's arms. Wonderful.
Put the dishes in the dishwasher!!!!!! Don't rinse it and put it in the sink. I'm not your personal servant. I was nice enough to make you lunch and then you find you don't have the strength to go one foot further to the damn dishwasher?!? WTF?! I clean up after two kids already, I don't need another.
I been lurking the past few days and not saying much cause I've been so damned tired I've lost most of my words. But I wanted to tell @mvargas12@JessHeppell that I'm really sorry they are going thru these problems with their guys. You ladies are both really strong and awesome and don't deserve to be treated the way you have been. You both are amazing examples for your LOs. Hugs
^^^same here so. Damn. Tired. I guess I wasn't all that ready to go back to work...
Anyway, once I finally caught up with this thread I kept thinking about those of you that are going through such a tough time with your SOs. It's hard enough with a baby. I commend you ladies for doing your best getting through it. I'm so sorry that you have to put up with such bull crap. @mvargas12 and @JessHeppell
ETA omg. Such terrible grammar. I had to fix it. Can you tell I'm tired?
Dh rave: we were on vacation this week, he took lo yesterday afternoon and stayed with her at the shore house so I could go back to the beach with the family, I even took a 45 min nap on the beach, it was heaven!
I love DH, but my friend sent me this back before we announced my pregnancy and I still think it's hilarious. I stick my tongue out at him all the time, sometimes to his face, but more often than not, behind his back.
So before I went back to work, I handled most of the housework, dinner, etc. I just did it when LO was sleeping or waited for DH to get home & hold her. Well. After going back to work this week my DH stepped up like a champ!! He has asked every day "what can I do to help?" & he sent flowers to LO's daycare on day 2 for me (from LO thanking me for being an awesome mommy). & Wednesday we had plans to watch a show with friends at our place. I was almost sickly tired from work & mommyhood & I needed to cancel to recharge. He got home from work & brought dinner to me in bed & stayed in bed with LO & I while I nursed and she slept & we watched tv in there. Craziest week back at work but I am amazed at this man & his willingness to step in & share the load. Makes me feel more like a team!
He decided that he was going to stay up until 2 (when she normally wakes up to eat). Apparently to him this is easier then waking up when she does. Idiot. Well at 230 I wake up and she's still out
Mine does this too! I chalk it up to them being amateurs. Someday they will realize how stupid that is.
Major rave. ILs are in town. MIL never really helps but has lots of unsolicited advice. She had all kinds of ways to solve our colicky baby, so DH is making her take baby during witching hours. I was able to brush my teeth, floss, rinse, wash my face, exfoliate, moisturize, pluck my eye brows, and poop alone and without being rushed. MIL is learning the correct combination of hold/rock/pat/walk/sway to keep LO from screaming. DH is out with the dog. Win.
ETA What set DH off was MIL saying "you just haveto pat her bottom" when witching hour started and I was out of ear shot and soothing LO. DH basically took LO to MIL, said "Here you go" and told me to leave the room.
@Sammy K that is SO delicious! I love it. Its a poke at MIL and a break for you and DH all rolled into one! I'm taking way more pleasure than I probably should at your post. But it's great.
^^ anytime I have DH get a onesie for LO, he picks a 6m one. Every. Single. Time. And I don't know about it until the kid is dressed and strapped into his carseat, wondering why the hell his clothes are so damned big. Get home and change him out of it and see what size it is, and he's like 'you said get the brown one!' Yeah... There is a brown one of an age appropriate size in the 0-3 month part of the drawer. I knew I should have organized the drawer for a lefty
^^ anytime I have DH get a onesie for LO, he picks a 6m one. Every. Single. Time. And I don't know about it until the kid is dressed and strapped into his carseat, wondering why the hell his clothes are so damned big. Get home and change him out of it and see what size it is, and he's like 'you said get the brown one!' Yeah... There is a brown one of an age appropriate size in the 0-3 month part of the drawer. I knew I should have organized the drawer for a lefty
Haha I have ours organized by drawer and labeled with the months (I'm neurotic, I know) and DH STILL gets it wrong! WTF?!?
Ha! That's your problem right there : I only keep 0-3 month clothes in the drawers! Anything bigger is in a bin in the closet and I'll switch out the clothes once LO gets there This basically helps prevent either one of us from accidentally choosing the wrong size.
Ha! That's your problem right there : I only keep 0-3 month clothes in the drawers! Anything bigger is in a bin in the closet and I'll switch out the clothes once LO gets there This basically helps prevent either one of us from accidentally choosing the wrong size.
Rave: DH woke up early today and cleaned the kitchen and living room while I slept in with LO until 8:30!! AND he kept DS entertained and cleaning too. My plan was also to clean our bedroom and put the mountain of laundry away, change the sheets and vacuum the dog hair up. LO had other plans of eating and sleeping on me so DH took the reigns and tackled that too! I'm so in love right now. ❤️
Not exactly a rant or rave, but DH gets so discouraged when trying to soothe the twins. He was distant with them in the beginning (they were pretty small and he was afraid of them), but he's trying to make up for it now. Tonight we had them fed and bathed and in their bassinets. They were quiet so I took a shower, but they were both fidgeting and crying when I got out. He tried everything to soothe them, but once they heard my voice they instantly drifted off again. Any advice how to overcome this? I can tell it upsets him that he can't soothe them like I can...
Not exactly a rant or rave, but DH gets so discouraged when trying to soothe the twins. He was distant with them in the beginning (they were pretty small and he was afraid of them), but he's trying to make up for it now. Tonight we had them fed and bathed and in their bassinets. They were quiet so I took a shower, but they were both fidgeting and crying when I got out. He tried everything to soothe them, but once they heard my voice they instantly drifted off again. Any advice how to overcome this? I can tell it upsets him that he can't soothe them like I can...
My DD is the same way with my DH. It was the same with our first too. The techniques I used didn't work for him. He had to just use trial and error to figure it out. For DD it's walking around the house with her head against his shoulder. A technique I heard works well with men is to have baby close to the Adam's apple and have him talk in a deep voice or hum/sing in a deeper tone. Bouncing on the exercise ball with LO is my fall back.
DH hasn't done anything since starting work again. When he goes on breaks he comes to hold the baby so I can pee, but really it's so I'll make him food. I thought him working from home would mean he'd get off and hang with us for a little longer, but he always disappears to run some errand. So I'm here. I three day old barf clothes, on the worst period in history (with no time to take care of regular hygiene, let alone the feminine kind), about ready to cry because working 24/7 for a boss that pays you in spitup and poop gets exhausting. I don't think I realized how B.A. My single mom was until now. I can barely handle this with someone
DH is a fantastic father. A bit too overprotective (he tells me how to push the stroller over bumps, and plans our walking route several blocks ahead so we have fewer street crossings - taking walks with him is stressful, lol), but a great father. This morning he left bed while the three of us were playing and cuddling, and LO kept looking over to DH's side then back at me with a frown. When DH came back, LO started smiling and "talking" like crazy!
I feel so bad that I have zero sex drive. Sex still hurts and I'm tired and just not into it. Our chemistry used to be a(n appropriately) large, important part of our relationship.
But two days ago, DH and I had a long talk about how to handle stress better since we were fighting too much. It has really helped things, and I'm feeling more connected to him again. Hoping the physical connection can be jump started again, too. Stupid broken virginia.
DH gave me a "break" today. and that was basically me getting enough time to make scrambled eggs, and eat. all while still hearing a crying baby because DH isnt around LO enough to understand the different communication noises. it stopped when he picked LO up and walked around to where i was to give him back to me. and 5 minutes after i get him he is sleeping peacefully in my arms. at least i got warm food right?
DH is coming to visit us tomorrow. He says he wants to work things out and be a family. I'm hesitant because of all that he's doing but I also don't want to throw my marriage away and have Brooke grow up in a split home but of course if that's what ends up being best, that's what I'll do. Anyway, tonight he went to a bar and it's 4am and he was still up when I texted him during a middle of the night feed. This means he's going to sleep in and not get up any time before 2pm and then who knows when he'll get here. If he even makes it here.
I'm stupid for being hopeful but I can't help it. Ughhhhhhhh o ~X(
DH is coming to visit us tomorrow. He says he wants to work things out and be a family. I'm hesitant because of all that he's doing but I also don't want to throw my marriage away and have Brooke grow up in a split home but of course if that's what ends up being best, that's what I'll do. Anyway, tonight he went to a bar and it's 4am and he was still up when I texted him during a middle of the night feed. This means he's going to sleep in and not get up any time before 2pm and then who knows when he'll get here. If he even makes it here.
I'm stupid for being hopeful but I can't help it. Ughhhhhhhh o ~X(
Hang in there girl. It's in your nature to hope for the best. I would make him prove himself worthy of a shot first. He hasn't done much to impress lately. Good luck and I hope he changes soon.
DH is coming to visit us tomorrow. He says he wants to work things out and be a family. I'm hesitant because of all that he's doing but I also don't want to throw my marriage away and have Brooke grow up in a split home but of course if that's what ends up being best, that's what I'll do. Anyway, tonight he went to a bar and it's 4am and he was still up when I texted him during a middle of the night feed. This means he's going to sleep in and not get up any time before 2pm and then who knows when he'll get here. If he even makes it here.
I'm stupid for being hopeful but I can't help it. Ughhhhhhhh o ~X(
Hang in there girl. It's in your nature to hope for the best. I would make him prove himself worthy of a shot first. He hasn't done much to impress lately. Good luck and I hope he changes soon.
Yup. A step in the right direction would be if he got his ass up in the morning and came out to see you despite his morning after head. Not going out drinking till 4am would have been better, yes, but him getting up despite probably feeling crappy at least shows he is willing to (for that day at least) put aside his own discomfort to see to his family. Also, by making you wait all day tomorrow (I'm assuming he's going to let you know when he leaves, so you're going to have no idea until that text when to expect him) he disrespects you by burning your time.
So, last night it took LO a bit longer than usual to fall asleep. She's usually out around midnight but last night at that time all she wanted to do was play - can't really complain though, since she's actually sleeping through the night for us most nights, and it wasn't like she was in a bad mood or anything, just awake. But for some reason, it was really bothering DH. When she started crying around 1AM because she was hungry, he FREAKED. He jumped out of bed, yelled, "What does she want NOW?!" and went over to the pack n play to pick her up. Scared me to death! I got to her first, told him she was just hungry and that he should go sleep in the twin bed in the nursery for the night (she's not sleeping there yet), and that he should NEVER talk to her that way again. He immediately realized he messed up and apologized, promised he'd be fine and went back to bed (in our bed, not the twin). LO ate and fell asleep as usual, didn't wake up till 730 this morning. DH apologized again this morning and promised it would never happen again. I'm still unsettled from it. He tried to blame it on exhaustion, but he gets more sleep than I do, so I'm not letting him use that as an excuse.
I'm trying to get past it because it was SUPER out of character for him. He's usually extremely mellow and he's crazy about LO. But what's really worrying me about it is that his dad has an awful temper and the reason his parents divorced was because his dad lost it one night and beat up his mom. I love DH and I can't imagine him ever doing anything like that... But last night scared me.
DH is coming to visit us tomorrow. He says he wants to work things out and be a family. I'm hesitant because of all that he's doing but I also don't want to throw my marriage away and have Brooke grow up in a split home but of course if that's what ends up being best, that's what I'll do. Anyway, tonight he went to a bar and it's 4am and he was still up when I texted him during a middle of the night feed. This means he's going to sleep in and not get up any time before 2pm and then who knows when he'll get here. If he even makes it here.
I'm stupid for being hopeful but I can't help it. Ughhhhhhhh o ~X(
I have always admired your strength. And I think you know this and exhibit it here, but just want to add my $0.02 that no relationship is perfect, and sometimes relationships can be right and still be really bad in the short term - it's the long game that's important in a marriage. I asked my grandmother, who was married for 74 years, how she did it. Her first answer was, "Neither of us wanted the kids!" But her serious answer was staying committed and learning to let things go.
My grandfather was seemingly the picture of a devoted husband. She said there was a period of a couple years where he stayed out drinking too much, and it was hard on the family. That statement doesn't sound as serious as it probably was at the time. But over the course of 74 years, it becomes a passing phase.
This is not to say he shouldn't have to prove himself, or that women should put up with men staying out drinking all the time. It is just a reminder (probably to myself most of all) that "for better or worse" can sometimes include a LOT of "worse", and it is certainly not wrong, and perhaps makes you even stronger, if you can hang on through the tough times due to hope for the "better". Sometimes there is only a small glimmer of hope, but maybe that's enough.
Or maybe not. Only you know your situation. My marriage is strong in the long game and shit in the short game right now, so am trying to deal with that, as well.
Good luck, @mvargas12. I hope he shows up today and gives you hope.
@kes166 My DH swore at LO when he was about 2 weeks old (he was changing LO's diaper and LO was kicking and "wouldn't put his legs down"). Really scared me, too, and I made DH leave the room and let me tend to LO the rest of the day. That evening, without me even saying anything about it, DH started crying and apologizing. We talked about limits and how that's unacceptable behavior. He's never done it again, and we don't have the family history your DH has. But in our case, seeing himself so close to snapping actually made my DH a better father. Now he knows his own limits and very quickly passes off LO or removes himself from the situation on the very rare occasions he feels like he's losing it again.
Hopefully you can share your fears with DH and it never happens again. I'm sorry you're going through that and wish your family the best. If you see it incrementally getting worse, nip it in the bud quickly please. Xoxo
Re: DH/SO rants & raves 8/3-8/9
What the frack is a pizza pop?
I'm really sorry to the girls that are going through relationship issues. With my twins, I still remember the stress that it brought to our marriage. DH and I, made a promise/saying that most things that were said that were hurtful was mostly said out of exhaustion and not to take things to heart. We would always revisit the discussion when we had more sleep and could think rationally.
Wtf is wrong with guys?!?! Thanks a whole lot for the help! Ugh
On the plus side my mom is taking LO around 8am for the day and I'm sleeping for the majority of it because this mama is exhausted and sick of doing most of the work
Put the dishes in the dishwasher!!!!!! Don't rinse it and put it in the sink. I'm not your personal servant. I was nice enough to make you lunch and then you find you don't have the strength to go one foot further to the damn dishwasher?!? WTF?! I clean up after two kids already, I don't need another.
Signed,
Your overworked wife
Anyway, once I finally caught up with this thread I kept thinking about those of you that are going through such a tough time with your SOs. It's hard enough with a baby. I commend you ladies for doing your best getting through it. I'm so sorry that you have to put up with such bull crap. @mvargas12 and @JessHeppell
ETA omg. Such terrible grammar. I had to fix it. Can you tell I'm tired?
Well. After going back to work this week my DH stepped up like a champ!! He has asked every day "what can I do to help?" & he sent flowers to LO's daycare on day 2 for me (from LO thanking me for being an awesome mommy). & Wednesday we had plans to watch a show with friends at our place. I was almost sickly tired from work & mommyhood & I needed to cancel to recharge. He got home from work & brought dinner to me in bed & stayed in bed with LO & I while I nursed and she slept & we watched tv in there. Craziest week back at work but I am amazed at this man & his willingness to step in & share the load. Makes me feel more like a team!
ETA What set DH off was MIL saying "you just haveto pat her bottom" when witching hour started and I was out of ear shot and soothing LO. DH basically took LO to MIL, said "Here you go" and told me to leave the room.
DH as I give him advice on how to get LO prepped for bed: "I do, in fact, know what I'm doing..."
Sweet! I go lay down. 3 minutes later, from across the hall:
"Uh honey? What should she wear to sleep?"
I don't think I realized how B.A. My single mom was until now. I can barely handle this with someone
I feel so bad that I have zero sex drive. Sex still hurts and I'm tired and just not into it. Our chemistry used to be a(n appropriately) large, important part of our relationship.
But two days ago, DH and I had a long talk about how to handle stress better since we were fighting too much. It has really helped things, and I'm feeling more connected to him again. Hoping the physical connection can be jump started again, too. Stupid broken virginia.
at least i got warm food right?
I'm stupid for being hopeful but I can't help it. Ughhhhhhhh o ~X(
I'm trying to get past it because it was SUPER out of character for him. He's usually extremely mellow and he's crazy about LO. But what's really worrying me about it is that his dad has an awful temper and the reason his parents divorced was because his dad lost it one night and beat up his mom. I love DH and I can't imagine him ever doing anything like that... But last night scared me.
My grandfather was seemingly the picture of a devoted husband. She said there was a period of a couple years where he stayed out drinking too much, and it was hard on the family. That statement doesn't sound as serious as it probably was at the time. But over the course of 74 years, it becomes a passing phase.
This is not to say he shouldn't have to prove himself, or that women should put up with men staying out drinking all the time. It is just a reminder (probably to myself most of all) that "for better or worse" can sometimes include a LOT of "worse", and it is certainly not wrong, and perhaps makes you even stronger, if you can hang on through the tough times due to hope for the "better". Sometimes there is only a small glimmer of hope, but maybe that's enough.
Or maybe not. Only you know your situation. My marriage is strong in the long game and shit in the short game right now, so am trying to deal with that, as well.
Good luck, @mvargas12. I hope he shows up today and gives you hope.
That evening, without me even saying anything about it, DH started crying and apologizing. We talked about limits and how that's unacceptable behavior. He's never done it again, and we don't have the family history your DH has. But in our case, seeing himself so close to snapping actually made my DH a better father. Now he knows his own limits and very quickly passes off LO or removes himself from the situation on the very rare occasions he feels like he's losing it again.
Hopefully you can share your fears with DH and it never happens again. I'm sorry you're going through that and wish your family the best. If you see it incrementally getting worse, nip it in the bud quickly please. Xoxo