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December 2015 Moms
Gender disappointment.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Gender disappointment.
Consider that.
There have been multiple threads related to this topic that have been closed. Users are not using the search function in order to read similar post and therefore start a new thread. When I thread is closed it is said that no new threads should be started. This is a problem on this board consistently. Please find a solution.
No I did not even bother to read most of the posts as I have read almost the same thread many times already. OP would have received help for her questions if the thread was appropriately named but the time was not taken to search the title used or come up with a proper title. Users that frequent the board alerted her to this issue. Others just took that as rude or being bullies as that is their perspective. This is beyond ridiculous at this point. We all need to take the time to read over the TOU. If you can't accept using the search or refrain from name calling then this may not be the place for you.
It would be great if we just became more inclusive of different feelings women experience during pregnancy. That is all. And this may be intended for MUD, but we can definitely make it not be. No one seems overly hostile any longer. Let's count it as a win.
Also, because many of the other threads actually never end up providing solutions that empathize, we keep seeing a resurgence of these posts. So yes, utilize the search button. But sadly, the results I don't reflect what he posters of these threads are often looking for.
To be transparent: I am having a girl. I never had an overwhelming preference for what I would have and am happy just the same. But I also will defend someone's right to seek advice about how to deal with unsettling emotions, even if I don't agree or never have felt them.
Together since 2006
Married 01.17.15
I am simply trying to make the argument that while there are a number of people who are offended by this, there are a number that also clearly feel or have felt similarly to the OP.
So long as know one is name calling, discriminating, or spamming, I think there should be a space on the Bump for all of these feelings.
That is the only response that will be received as when I say I am done with a thread I mean it. Good night.
Also, I know that the current convo has deviated wildly from the original post. That being said, I am grateful for it because I do think it has led to greater clarity for those of us that are active or fairly active participants.
< last word >
See how I am trying to be funny now.
@BumpTara @BumpCaitlin @BumpAdmin
@BumpTara @BumpCaitlin
deleted gif.....
https://www.allparenting.com/my-pregnancy/articles/971305/lets-respectfully-discuss-gender-disappointment
Yes, when speaking of whether baby is a male or female, the term is "sex". The name of the set of symptoms is "gender disappointment".
I've stated my feeling and experience in other threads and won't do so this time. As much as I wish this is a topic that could be discussed, as we've had some wonderful discussions here lately on other sometimes heated topics such a breastfeeding in public. However, as I've seen with everyone of these threads, this is does not appear to be an appropriate audience for this discussion. Things become too heated and the thread then serves no purpose but to be disruptive. In this way I do feel that it violates TOS and hope the thread can be removed.
As someone whose past experiences of loss have been formative to who I am, I see it as a disservice to those I've loved to use their deaths to censor others' attempts to express their feelings. I think a lot of us are hurting really bad for Fiori, and her baby's candle has been burning bright here beside me since yesterday eve. But that little light needs to remind us all to double down on compassion - it is such a privilege to be in our position for as long as we are lucky enough to still be here. Any thinking woman on this board could've chosen how to interpret op's title, whether the term "disappointment" encompassed a range of anxieties that are more difficult to articulate (though she gave it a good shot in her actual post for those few who gave it the time of day).
It's too bad that nearly everyone chose the vilification route, because for once I have a dog in this race.
My feelings about raising a son are complex. While I feel sick with love for him, I also understand that he'll face challenges that I could more easily protect a daughter from. My son will grow up knowing that his father was a child prodigy whose talents opened up remarkable opportunities that earned him success from an early age - this is well known by everyone we know so can't/wouldn't keep from him. But I measure success differently than most and have no intention of raising my child the way dh's mother raised him, nor of moulding my boy in his father's image.
Fortunately we seem to be on the same page so far, and dh has always dreamed of a daughter who would do childish things like dress like a ragamuffin and sidewalk-chalk the front drive, rather than ironing school uniforms from age 7 and spending endless hours practising. But after our 20 wk, contact details of the elite private boy's schools where dh attended start showing up on my kitchen counter, and deep down I know my battle is just beginning to defend my son's right to a happy childhood and sidewalk chalk, if he so chooses.
Anyway, it's been heavy on my mind for weeks, and would've been nice to see a bit more of an opening for a non-hysterical discussion for what might be a complex issue for a very few of us.
And the sex issue is this: strange as it sounds to our American ears (believe me I'm very much with you), there is one school that in dh's mind was the make-or-break experience of his life, and it's a boys' school. From quite a poor background his music earned him a full ride to attend this school (yes,alongside those goofy princes but still an incredible educational experience for dh). Now because of his success there, the school's networks, and because this is the class-obsessed UK, he's had a string of full scholarships, job offers, etc and other opportunities around the world which have led to where he is today.
It's a fact that his life was transformed by the opportunity, and if our son were to get in to this school and wish to attend, I'd support him. But because no amount of money or family legacy will get a boy entry there are armies of tiger-moms out there drilling their poor kids just like dh's mom did to him. And our son's chances of entry will ultimately begin with where we send him to nursery school, which is why im thinking about this at all already. So this is where we will struggle to agree on what is best for our particular son - not the boy that dh was.
As far as how a daughter would be different, there are several great options for girls, none of which dh has any direct experience with, and therefore can't fixate his biases. Like I said, it's a complex issue for us.
What people are asking for is that @BumpAdmin please make one thread and pin it to the top where people who want to discuss these feelings can have a centralized thread. One that doesn't subject the rest of the board to an issue that has proven itself to be, time and again, a disruptive and non-productive means of division.
They are ALL ignoring us!!! They ignore obvious TOU violations being reported while passing out warnings for lesser things. Several people have asked that this be a sticky, or for this particular post to be shut down... and all I hear is crickets from the Bump Gods in our request. I just can't help but to feel they are all very biased and pick and chose who they like and who gets violations and who doesn't.
I love my son dearly but there was a mental adjustment. It might have been easier for me. I have interests usually thought to be more common for men (video games, models, mechanics) and all my friends are male. I knew learning is a given whether baby is male or female and if I had questions my husband and my friends are open enough to answer me honestly if they know (I've asked about things from jock itch to circumcision).
My husband is now going through some disappointment as it sounds likely this baby is a girl. He has a stepsister he's close to and helped with his nieces but he still has a fear that a daughter will be interested in things he's not and that he'll struggle to bond. He's said he knows it's not logical but he's still working through it. There are a lot of things like guilt and depression that aren't rational either but are still experienced.
So my question is why can't we take one our own centralized thread and ask for it to be stickied?
I am unable to create and sticky a "Sex Disappointment" thread myself. However, if a member creates a thread about dealing with sex disappointment that members of this board would like stickied, I can certainly do that.
Thank you!