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January 2016 Moms
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RTT

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Re: RTT

  • essentialpeaceessentialpeace member
    CaraBoonie said:

    My MIL lives 2,000 miles away and doesn't have money to visit so I see her maybe once a year. This luckily means it's difficult for her to meddle but it also means that even after almost 9 years I still hardly know her and it's a little awkward when I do see her.

    I bet!
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  • haileeshailees member
    @KaraEpp16 definitely think you're right. Boundaries take a lonnnnng time to establish! I struck gold with my in laws, but even still any conversation that needs to happen about boundaries goes through DH. It's just easier for each of us to have those conversations with our own parents.
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  • cjd&kcjd&k member
    Is there anyone else who loves watching Americas Got Talent??
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  • TinyDancer51510TinyDancer51510 member
    CaraBoonie said:

    My MIL lives 2,000 miles away and doesn't have money to visit so I see her maybe once a year. This luckily means it's difficult for her to meddle but it also means that even after almost 9 years I still hardly know her and it's a little awkward when I do see her.

    I completely get the awkwardness. My in-laws are 4 1/2 hrs away and we see them 4-5x a year. They aren't real big on getting past the superficial though so I still don't know them all that well. I'm *very* curious to see how they are after baby girl is here. She'll be the first grandchild on both sides and I can see everyone being cool but I can also see potential crazy. The biggest fight with my FIL will be him not being allowed to smoke around us anymore.
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  • apinkpelicanapinkpelican member
    indibidule said:

    All these MIL rants make we wish I could take on all this drama just to have mine back. We lost her nearly 2 years ago to lung cancer and miss her dearly.

    I'm sorry

    :(
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  • deaddahliahdeaddahliah member
    Google's new format is making it entirely too hard to gif.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • RepeatPostPoliceRepeatPostPolice member
    indibidule said:

    All these MIL rants make we wish I could take on all this drama just to have mine back. We lost her nearly 2 years ago to lung cancer and miss her dearly.

    I'm sorry too. ((Hugs))
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  • haileeshailees member
    So sorry @indibidule but thank you for sharing that! It is so so true.
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  • Love4littlethings24Love4littlethings24 member
    Maybe I needed the MIL kick in the butt.... She's very helpful and means well but just way over the top and overbearing. I at least know she would be trusted watching our son.... But she does act like mommy IMO and not like grandma.
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  • KaraEpp16KaraEpp16 member
    I think being a grandmother can be a lot more fun than being a parent because you never have to say no unless it's dangerous/unreasonable. I can totally put myself in their shoes. Plus, I know the type of relationship I have with my nana and I cherish it, so much. I think they keep that stuff around to constantly remind them there is a little bit of happiness out there in a kid that they can coddle and love more deeply than most other humans they've loved.
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  • KaraEpp16KaraEpp16 member
    And the kid usually loves them the same crazy amount back.
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  • mollyj931mollyj931 member
    My mom always says she didn't think she could love kids anymore than her own until she had grandkids.
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  • MyelhsaMyelhsa member
    indibidule said:

    All these MIL rants make we wish I could take on all this drama just to have mine back. We lost her nearly 2 years ago to lung cancer and miss her dearly.

    I know exactly how you feel. We lost my MIL this past Dec, completely unexpectedly. I also complained about her being overbearing and rude but I'd gladly take all that back just to have her here to meet her grandbaby.

    ((Hugs))

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  • indibiduleindibidule member
    @Snoopylovesbelle mine said shortly after dh and I started dating that she'd take me as a daughter any time (she had 3 boys). She was diagnosed the week of our wedding. Cancer is a nasty bitch of a disease. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
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  • SnoopylovesbelleSnoopylovesbelle member
    edited August 2015
    @indibidule my DH is one of 4 boys. I had her for a year and a half. The night DH brought me home was the night she shaved her head. We spent all night talking. She was awesome and we had this bond that I can't explain. I still cry because I miss her.
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  • mollyj931mollyj931 member
    I'm sorry to all those who have lost their MILs. It reminds me how much I should appreciate mine. Even though sometimes she drives me crazy she just wants the best for me and my family.
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  • indibiduleindibidule member
    I think the worst part of it all is that she'll never get to meet our child. DH and I are atheist so we don't believe in her looking down on us or anything.
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  • cjd&kcjd&k member
    So sorry to hear about some of your MIL's that have passed. I couldn't imagine my mom or my SO's mom not meeting their grandchildren.
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  • SnoopylovesbelleSnoopylovesbelle member
    edited August 2015
    indibidule said:

    I think the worst part of it all is that she'll never get to meet our child. DH and I are atheist so we don't believe in her looking down on us or anything.

    I so wish she got to meet her grand babies. I know how much that hurts.

    (Creepy internet hugs)

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  • indibiduleindibidule member
    @Snoopylovesbelle **creepy Internet hugs back**
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  • sherks11sherks11 member
    KaraEpp16 said:

    Random thought: MILs do you think they cross boundaries that they wouldn't with their own daughter because she ( the daughter ) has decades of setting boundaries and speaks up immediately?


    Edit to add: and it's just amplified when their son has a child....

    Possibly. I don't feel comfortable to really speak up in front of my MIL, but would have no problem with my mother. I really do like my mil but a couple of things have put a damper on our relationship:
    1.) they sold their house and moved 1.5 hours away but continue to work near our house. That means they live with us 1-2 days a week (it used to be 3-4!)
    2.) they have joined DH and I's vacation for the past 3 weeks so we are all getting a little tired of each other.
    3.) stop feeding my daughter sweets! Last night AGAIN mil gave dd whip cream and key lime pie! I finally said something but she gave a look of disapproval so I don't doubt she will give more later!

    At least with my mom I have no problems speaking up. I just won't with my mil because things seem pretty tense right now. Sorry for the long rant.
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  • nickicb7nickicb7 member
    My MIL is a lot older than my mom, so I often worry, she won't be around as long, I often remind myself of that when she is driving me crazy. I try to show them appreciation as much as possible. But MIL is definitely a boundary crosser, not in a mean or nasty way though. Truth be told I think she is very socially awkward and she just tries to be included, but it ends up being awkward a lot. I feel badly for her, while at the same time frustrated. I am very forward with her though, as I told my husband, I want her to know I mean what I say and I am who I am, so when baby comes, she doesn't question me as much. I know the way we raise our LO will not be the way she believes we should, so I am just preparing for it. She's just very old school, but the truth is, while she makes her opinion or ideas known, she won't say anything again, like if I don't follow her advice etc. I think I am pretty lucky.
    STM - EDD June 24 '18
    DD - January 2016
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  • sbeara25sbeara25 member
    Love my MIL. She has been nothing but good to me since we met. She can be opinionated... But SO and I agree that it's our kid and well do what's best as a team. And everyone can deal with it :)
    As long as they see that everything we will do as parents is based in the unconditional love idea then all should be fine :) and that's our plan of attack as FTPs
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  • Paige6410Paige6410 member
    I'm so sorry to those who lost their MILs. I can't imagine.
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  • essentialpeaceessentialpeace member
    Very random thoughts. I had the worst emotional (I'm not sure what to call it and don't use this word lightly) breakdown the night before returning to work. There is so much emotional stress around me right now with family and physical stress from getting my classroom ready, I just cracked. I bawled for a good 2 hours. Poor DH didn't know what to do but listen to me blabber. I got sick I was such a wreck.

    Fast forward to the next few days... I have never felt so at peace and happy. I woke up thankful I can hear and see the morning through my window. I find emotions so incredibly strange. How can one go from being so incredibly low to pure joy in a matter of a night's sleep?? Stress really is a burden/load I guess we carry around.

    That is all. =)
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  • KaraEpp16KaraEpp16 member
    @essentialpeace this has most definitely been an up and and down roller coaster experience for me. I believe this is only the beginning and the best thing to remember when you're heading down is that there will be an up! Our children are bringing us on this journey and it's not something we have complete control of. It's scary and exciting. I'm so glad that you are less stressed. It does the heart good to be at peace and enjoy little everyday moments.
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  • essentialpeaceessentialpeace member
    You all are great. I can usually control emotions really well, but that was new! Now I see what ladies have talked about in the symptoms thread.

    Always supportive! <3
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  • mollyj931mollyj931 member
    KaraEpp16 said:

    If it was UO Thursday I would say that the women who deny hormones play a role in our moods are blind. I've seen a couple women post that they don't want to be called hormonal or use it as an excuse. Nobody likes being called things in a negative way and I'm not a fan of excuses but the hormones were definitely raging for me in the beginning and from what I've heard they will pick back up at the end. I don't excuse my behavior by pointing to hormones but I do not overlook their role in my emotional state at certain moments. Possibly, other women aren't affected as much. I'm a sensitive sucker, but at least I'm self aware.

    Hormones definitely play a role there is no question about that. I'm already an emotional person and pregnancy hormones usually ramp that.
    What drives me crazy are the people that think they are excused from normal behavior because of those hormones.
    It's like if you are hungry or stressed. When I'm hungry I can be a major bitch but it doesn't give me an excuse to be one. I don't think demanding your husband do crazy things for you because of your "hormones" is right.
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