Baby dust? A poll.... (trigger warning?)

Linsbins · July 2015

I can't believe this. Once people explained it had to do with lost babies you couldn't leave well enough alone? There's lots of room for discussion and compromise on the Internet, but rudeness to people who have lost their children just isn't the place for that.

Everycol0r · July 2015

And I just love when people start throwing out:

Oh you just WAIT until you're a mother because a,b and c.

I am a mother. And my thick skinned, mother's heart could not even DEAL with the thought of loosing my baby & the last thing I'd want to do is stomp all over the feelings of a loss mother.

Being a mother made me more compassionate & less judgmental.

mommyportz · July 2015

*Trigger warning: Loss mentioned*

Many people TTGP HAVE HAD LOSSES. They don't all HAVE to stay on the loss board.

Your attitude is so sickening and your determination to be hurtful to the members is gross. To top it off, you justify it by saying we need thick skin. So many post its.

This.

Thank you, @ALittleCountry

DH and I experienced an early loss last summer...I choose to participate on only the TTC board because it's focus allows me to move forward after accepting our loss. I don't appreciate seeing this crap on here...Its not that it ruins my whole day, but it sure doesn't make me feel good. Believe me, I have some thick skin. I wouldn't have made it in the military if I didn't...But be aware that even though some of us are ready to move forward, it doesn't mean that we are emotionally unaffected by triggers on occasion. It's a respect thing.

Edit: I fail at quoting.

Lulucooks · July 2015

VTKatie said:

Daybird11Six said:

Everycol0r said:

VTKatie said:
I am glad to see most people in the poll are like me, in the "lame" camp. But I do think most people are missing my point. In a group that is supposed to be supportive, I think there are a lot more legitimized things to correct than a stupid term that nobody actually uses to refer to the loss of their child.
Maybe you should do this poll over on the loss board (I'm being facetious, absolutely don't do that) and see how many of them find it to be a "stupid" term. Do you not understand that all sorts of people lurk on this board that are not "part" of the TTGP community?

I had never heard of baby dust before this this site but once I saw that THIS... THIS community AS A WHOLE found it offensive I made sure to never use it. Because like you stated, this is a suppose to be a supportive community and I support and respect my fellow members who have had the tragic horror of loosing their sweet babies.

This poll is offensive.

BUT this isn't a loss board, it's a board about trying to get pregnant. And if you have experienced a loss, and are lurking on a board about women trying to get pregnant, I imagine your skin is thick enough that some stupid term isn't going to wreck your entire day. If I had posted this on the loss board, I could understand the backlash.

I stand by my thought that this is a ridiculous thing to call someone out on, and just one more way to turn off new participants. I was here before most of you, I chose not to leave after the mass exodus. If this poll is SO offensive and disgusts you so much, prepare for motherhood. You will need skin a lot thicker than that.

----------anticipating quote fail------

Did you just really say that people who've lost a child should have thick skin?! Really?!

Everycol0r said:
And I just love when people start throwing out:

Oh you just WAIT until you're a mother because a,b and c.

I am a mother. And my thick skinned, mother's heart could not even DEAL with the thought of loosing my baby & the last thing I'd want to do is stomp all over the feelings of a loss mother.

Being a mother made me more compassionate & less judgmental.

Edit to add: All of this too!

hboaz · July 2015

Also, I would like to point out that we never "call out" anyone for using that term. We don't harass them, make them feel stupid, or "turn off new participants". We simply inform them that the term is not used here, as we are trying to be sensitive to those members that have suffered a loss. Most people simply apologize, say they were unaware, won't use it again, apology accepted. No harm, no foul, welcome to the community. You're making it out to seem like we're monsters who attack people that use that term, which is simply not true at all.

mrsgillham14 · July 2015

Tomorrow marks two years since my sister in law delivered a baby boy who was a still born. He was cremated. I find this poll extremely offensive. It has brought up unnecessary feelings surrounding the loss of my precious nephew. I have personally experienced a devastating miscarriage and I am waiting to find out if I am going to lose my current pregnancy due to a baby that has not developed.

If you think the board does not have a very large presence of those who have suffered a loss, you are very wrong. Just because I have lost a baby doesn't mean that I am confined to a certain board. You can bet your ass that if this pregnancy ends, I will be trying to get pregnant again as I did after my first loss. To say that a board of women trying to get pregnant would not need to be sensitive to those who have losses is ridiculous. I hope you never have the misfortune of loosing a child, but if you do you would expect people to be sensitive to your triggers.

mommyportz · July 2015

@mrsgillham14

KristieA · July 2015

As someone who recently suffered a loss I find the term, this poll and your attitude offensive. Also I use this board because this was the community I got to know before I got pregnant. I didn't realise that now I am only limited to one board. *shuffles of muttering*

Oh and please do take the mildness of this post as an indication of the strength of my feelings on this subject. If I told you what I really thought about this poll and you stirring this up I would be banned. I like TB and the women on here so you'll excuse me if I choose them over flaming you.

Edited for autocorrect and to fix a sentence.

coffeeB4tea · July 2015

The fact that so many people have now told you this term is offensive and you have not only left up your poll, but also the offensive word IN THE TITLE OF THE POST speaks volumes about your lack of compassion for other people. And then you tell mothers who have lost a child to get a thick skin?!

PugsandKisses · July 2015

Hi, I would like to add my 2 cents.

In the FFFC, I asked about the term 'rainbow baby', in how I did not 'understand ' the meaning. It was not snark, or rude. A simple, 'why this term?'. I had several wonderful ladies present valid reasons to the phrase. It makes more sense now. I did not get it, asked a question and now I am more educated on the subject.

No need for a poll if other women did not 'get it' like me. Or to argue why it is 'dumb' *(or what word you want to use'.

It should be that simple. But no, not you. You have to dig your heels in and cause drama..and now you are on a post it not across the board.

*I don't think rainbow baby is dumb. I was making a point. And thank you to every one who explained the term baby.

xyzabqsmvb53 · July 2015

I just want to add another TTGP voice stating that this poll is offensive. See PPs for all necessary explanation. Also I didn't TAKE the poll so your numbers are skewed.

lalala2004 · July 2015

VTKatie said:
I am glad to see most people in the poll are like me, in the "lame" camp. But I do think most people are missing my point. In a group that is supposed to be supportive, I think there are a lot more legitimized things to correct than a stupid term that nobody actually uses to refer to the loss of their child.

Congratulations! You've completely lost touch with reality! =D>

elsiefaye · July 2015

This is disgusting, OP I have not been a member of the bump for long but I also lurk on TCF where some of the women unfortunately have been TTC for too many years and have never seen that term. I have had a loss 8 months ago, I did not cremate my baby boy I buried him in a graveyard and I still find this term offensive. I cringe everyone I see it.

jnnfrrose6 · July 2015

VTKatie said:

Once, again, I don't use the term, nor am I justifying it's use. I am just trying to understand if it's actually offensive, or if a select few are trying to stir up drama whenever possible. Last year I was a very active participant on the TB and people used this term on multiple boards. It's only been since I came back over the last month that I have seen this negative response to it. I am not condoning it's use, just wondering where it came from.

I call BS here. This term has always had the negative association on TB. I've been here for awhile now (longer than your "last year") and every time that phrase has been used, on any board I've been in here, it's been politely pointed out the hurt it causes. It's nothing new, so don't try to claim that.

MamaBish · July 2015

As a mother who has cremated remains from her daughter, I actually have dust from my baby girl and it is NOT something I would like wished on me or anyone else. I would never wish it on my worst enemy.

Ever.

KristieA · July 2015

So OP exactly how many of us have to tell you its offensive before you get the idea? I don't care what you think about the term, several members of this community (including me) have asked you to not use it, and to remove this poll, yet you ignore us. I find that very VERY rude.

Sending creepy internet hugs to everyone else who has been understandably upset like I have today by this.

MamaBish · July 2015

VTKatie said:

I am glad to see most people in the poll are like me, in the "lame" camp. But I do think most people are missing my point. In a group that is supposed to be supportive, I think there are a lot more legitimized things to correct than a stupid term that nobody actually uses to refer to the loss of their child.

No, it IS a stupid term that REMINDS me that my baby girl is now dust.

I am shaking, I am so freaking bothered by this.

MamaBish · July 2015

@vtkatie

Do you see this?? This adorable little acorn? It is filled with dust that came from my baby. Thanks for the reminder.

animalia1234 · July 2015

@MamaBish, I am so so sorry for your loss. And I'm sorry that this insensitive thread caused you more grief. For what it's worth, I think that little acorn is a beautiful symbol and a very sweet thing to do for your little girl. You will be in my prayers.

AL_TwinCities · July 2015

Hugs @MamaBish

lalala2004 · July 2015

@VTKatie If you have the nerve to show your face here again, it damn well better be with a penitent and heartfelt apology to those you have hurt with this insensitive post.

GingerTurtles · July 2015

VTKatie said:
I am glad to see most people in the poll are like me, in the "lame" camp. But I do think most people are missing my point. In a group that is supposed to be supportive, I think there are a lot more legitimized things to correct than a stupid term that nobody actually uses to refer to the loss of their child.

You are a horrid excuse for a human being. I lost my precious baby boy 19 weeks into my pregnancy. He was cremated. Never, ever show your face around The Bump again.

MamaBish · July 2015

So many internet hugs to all of you who have experienced loss. This post is absolutely horrible.

gravcass · July 2015

I learned my FIRST DAY on this board not to use that term... Ever. There really is no reason to make a poll. It's not like having it and finding the results to be in favor of your "shit stirrers" option would make the term any less offensive to those with a loss. Your "curiosity" could have been handled way differently.

DutchLucyLu · July 2015

@BumpAdmin @BumpCaitlin @BumpTara what exactly is the hold up?

BumpAdmin · July 2015

This thread has been closed to new posts as a result of the shift in topic.

Please note that we remove posts that do not follow our guidelines and will issue warnings to users who violate the Terms of Use.

To review our Community guidelines, please visit The Bump Guidelines pinned at the top of this board. Thank you.

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