i keep reading how against everyone is on having a second shower for your second child. What i don't get is why? who cares? you feed and entertain the guests, they are not obligated to come, unless they want to so why is it such a big "no no". Are you not supposed to celebrate your second child?
I went a more than a few "second baby" showers and didn't see anything wrong with it.
I will probably do one myself when it's time.
p.s. is there a way to do a poll on these boards??
Re: What's wrong with a second shower?
So, in the interest of full disclosure, I have gone to a 2nd baby shower, and didn't care cause it was a close friend, so I was buying a present anyway and it was also a surprise.
Anyway, people frown upon second showers because showers are to welcome first time mothers to motherhood. Second time is more of a been there done that, you're already a mother. You know what diapers hold up, you know which wipes are strongest, etc. You know more or less what to expect because you've already done it. Now you might be thinking "but my second child is their own special person and deserves their own celebration!" And you are right that your second to be is their own person, and sure all new life should be celebrated.
But a shower isn't celebrating the baby, it's celebrating you. Nobody can bond or connect with baby until it's born. If you want to celebrate the baby, host a sip n see after the baby is born and you are comfortable having guests around the baby. This way, people are actually meeting the baby and celebrating the baby. Sip n sees are not gift giving events, but some people might still bring a gift anyway.
You also shouldn't be throwing your own shower. That's even worse then a second shower. Would you invite people to your birthday party with a list of presents you want? And a good party costs money to throw, so if you're throwing it because you need supplies for baby, it's not cost effective at all.
So, seriously, consider the sip n see instead.
2nd round exp 8/20/18.
And showers are very much gift giving events. Yes, people can choose not to come, but the fact is that many people feel they "have" to go and to go means you're supposed to bring a gift. I personally find it crass to keep asking the same people over and over to give you more gifts.
I am pregnant with my 3rd, my miracle baby. After many years of loss. My other 2 boys are now teens. There is not a baby thing in my house and I did not want a shower but I can't tell you the number of people already talking about throwing me a shower.
Now if you are planning it yourself and throwing it for yourself, that might be a different story. On baby 4 or 5...I get but thwre are many situations I don't see anything wrong st all.
I've been to countless second and sometimes even third showers and I've never thought anything of it. These showers were for all different types of women from teen moms to professional middle-class women.
I honestly don't care what Emily Post has to say regarding this matter. Traditions change over time. Who the heck is Emily Post to define what is proper? If you find it that offensive than don't go.
I happen to think that gender reveal parties are stupid. If I were invited to one I would politely decline the invite.
Side note-These boards are full of all kinds of opinions and sometimes they seem hurtful. Remember ladies--most of us are pregnant and hormonal. Let's be supportive. You don't have to agree and if you are over discussing it then don't reply to posts if they bother you so much.
Now that you know this, you can avoid it. Support.
Just to clarify, I don't have an issue with a 2nd shower if it's the Dad to Be's first baby and it's his family that's throwing the shower and those are the guests.
I just don't understand the argument that you should get one because of the age gap and you don't have any baby items. Ultimately, it's the parents responsibility to buy what they need for their baby. A shower is to welcome the mother (or parents) to parenthood. Once you are already a member, you don't need re-welcoming.
@Latina211508 Of course you don't see anything wrong with it, because it benefits you and you are getting what you want.
Showers welcome you to motherhood. Once you are a member, you do not need re-welcoming.
Maybe not to you, but since you are throwing all these showers, you are continually hitting up your friends and family for gifts. So, I kind of see that as a big deal. I would never want to make my friends and loved ones fell put upon or uncomfortable, because I care about their feelings and recognize that the world doesn't revolve around me procreating.
Further, if you want to welcome the baby, the baby should actually be there. This is why "meet the baby" events are appropriate for 2nd + babies. Because they are not gift giving events. People usually bring a gift or diapers, but don't feel obligated to.
@Latina211508
It's not just how I feel. It's how people who were raised with manners and an understanding of etiquette feel. Again, you can choose to ignore etiquette and do whatever you want, but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist and that people won't find your behavior offensive.
https://www.etiquettehell.com/?p=1295
https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/miss-manners-gifts-still-keep-pouring-in-at-moms-third-baby-shower/2014/10/15/8497e944-48d7-11e4-a046-120a8a855cca_story.html