What's wrong with a second shower? — The Bump
Baby Showers

What's wrong with a second shower?

xrumxrum member
edited June 2015 in Baby Showers
i keep reading how against everyone is on having a second shower for your second child. What i don't get is why? who cares? you feed  and entertain the guests, they are not obligated to come, unless they want to so why is it such a big "no no". Are you not supposed to celebrate your second child?

I went a more than a few "second baby" showers and didn't see anything wrong with it.

I will probably do one myself when it's time.

p.s. is there a way to do a poll on these boards??
[Deleted User]

Re: What's wrong with a second shower?

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  • I call BS that you've read all these threads about why second showers are wrong. We post reasons they are wrong in every thread, so you would have read those reasons already, instead of feelingtheneed to create yet another thread about it.

    Ditto! Seriously, practically every thread on this board explains this at least a dozen different ways. If you can't understand by now then you are refusing to on your own. If that's the case why bother to ask again? None of us are going to give you a special pass. If you want to have a 2nd shower then go ahead... just know that it's tacky.
    Vive Les Frasers
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  • Search through some of the posts, you'll get your answers. That said, baby shower is a welcome to parenthood. You are not a new parent with baby number 2 through whatever... Therefore, another shower does not make sense. As PP mentioned, a sip and see is good way to celebrate a new baby. Keep in mind, the baby, of course, is not the guest of honor at a baby shower. After all, she/he is not even in attendance. 
    Coffee Bean Born 6/13/15.
    2nd round exp 8/20/18.
  • VORVOR member
    But a shower isn't celebrating the baby, it's celebrating you. Nobody can bond or connect with baby until it's born. If you want to celebrate the baby, host a sip n see after the baby is born and you are comfortable having guests around the baby. This way, people are actually meeting the baby and celebrating the baby. Sip n sees are not gift giving events, but some people might still bring a gift anyway. 
    100% this over and over and over. 

    And showers are very much gift giving events.  Yes, people can choose not to come, but the fact is that many people feel they "have" to go and to go means you're supposed to bring a gift.  I personally find it crass to keep asking the same people over and over to give you more gifts. 
  • Twindling said:
    When would it stop? Can you imagine if the duggars "celebrated every baby"
    I believe they do, with the annoying "sprinkle"....

    I know that the oldest and his wife, just had a gender reveal party for their fourth....which is pretty bad also....
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  • I'm having a second shower. My 1st is 10 and this is DH's first so yep we get a shower. We are inviting some of the same people from my side and his side is all new so that's fine. My mom and his mom are throwing it and are super excited. I don't think it's tacky because we just don't have much of the stuff left from the first. Although we do have all of the furniture so there aren't many big ticket items on the registry. Honestly I think it's fair to throw a second shower if it makes sense and there is a good deal of time between the first and the second. Just my honest opinion.
    akanini[Deleted User]babysweet09Gingermom15
  • It's not. It's a choice you make. I don't expect anything and it's 10 years not 2. Big difference!
    [Deleted User]
  • I too have not seen such disgust over 2nd showers until I became a member of this site. I have been to MANY 2nd and 3rd showers and never did I once think that it was gift grabby or tacky. Women on here say all the time "the guests are judging you for this whether they say it or not"- blah blah blah. Fact of the matter is that everyone comes from different families/friends/groups etc and just because YOU don't like it, doesn't mean that others have the same opinion. 

    I know most of you will totally disagree and thats fine- you don't have to drive it home as to why I am wrong and you are right. I have read all of these responses and many many more on this site and I still agree to disagree.
    Yes I have to agree. I had the opposite problem recently. I'm not a fan of 2nd showers but apparently my social circle is because I turned down four of them. I feel there is not a right or wrong to this question but a "it depends..."

    [Deleted User]
  • I think 2nd showers are generally taboo, but there are a few situations in which it's acceptable:
    --It's dad to be's first child, and someone on his side wants to throw a shower.  In this case the guests should be mostly his side.
    --a family member (esp an IL) offers to throw one and it would create more bad feelings for the MTB to refuse than to graciously accept.  In this case, MTB needs to work with the eager hostess to seriously limit the size of the shower.
    --Unexpected fertility issues or losses happen between child 1 and 2 and the hostess wants to celebrate and acknowledge the end of a difficult journey.

    Reasons That Seem Tempting But Aren't Really Acceptable:
    --This baby is a different sex than the previous one(s).
    --There is a long gap between siblings and the parents got rid of all their baby stuff.
    --It's twins this time.
    --MTB didn't have one for her first pregnancy.

    I call BS on the person who cited "everyone loves buying baby stuff" as a reason why 2nd showers are okay.  Do I like buying baby stuff?  Yes. Love it. But I can show up to visit the family after the baby's born on my own schedule and deliver the gift I've enjoyed picking out.  I'm a busy professional with two kids of my own.  I don't really want to spend an entire weekend afternoon at a person's second shower.  It's not the gift buying I resent, it's the demand on my time.  I'll willingly give up that time for a first time mom, but if I'm hard pressed to justify giving that much time to a second shower unless it's a very unusual situation.
    High School English teacher and mom of 2 kids:

    DD, born 9/06/00 -- 12th grade
    DS, born 8/25/04 -- 7th grade
    wassuphoesVORkmcc14[Deleted User]
  • With my #2 one we are getting a baby shower because it's the DTB'S first child and his side of the family hasn't had a baby in over 18 years due to a ton of fertility problems on his side. He's an only child and his family is beyond excited as is mine for this baby as was mine for my baby #1. I think it does depend on the situation. However, that being said, I've been to second child baby showers and showed up feeling the same as I did for the first. Just there to support the mom, make her feel special, amd celebrate another one of God's little miracles.
    [Deleted User]
  • If someone throws a baby shower for a 16 year old girl...is it tacky for that girls friends to throw her another one when she is married and 25?? Quit ruling others lives. You don't have to attend, you don't even know these people.
    Wow, never heard that one before. 

    [Deleted User]fwtx5815
  • I think they are ok as long as they are really, really small intimate affairs  As in you only invite your nearest and dearest friends and family and don't even bother with a registry and nothing like a first shower.  

    I guess what irks me is the whole " Well I need new stuff " attitude.  It would be like me asking a friend that got me a toaster as a bridal shower gift for  a second one because the one she got me stopped working and I needed a new one.  No, it doesn't work like that.  She didn't sign up for buying me a lifetime of toasters when she came to my bridal shower. Likewise, my kind and generous friends and family did sign up for giving me a lifetime supply of baby gear.  

    So from me you get one bouncy seat, ONE.  Please don't put me in an awkward or uncomfortable position because the one bouncy seat I got for you isn't good anymore or you gave it away or you were stupid and registered for a pink one with butterflies and that isn't suitable for your precious little baby boy.  That one bouncy seat was for your household, not the baby.  It was to set up your home of with basic baby gear and not for that one baby specifically.   You have another baby now ?  Well if I am really close to you, I will get you diapers, wipes, clothes or a blanket ( something I would have gotten without a shower invitation by the way ). 

    Yes, yes I know I could turn down the invitation if it is someone I am not close to, but sometimes it is more complicated than that and wouldn't appreciate being put in that position in the first place.
    I don't think you can compare a wedding to a baby shower. But technically if your friend got divorced and remarried later, you would still bring a gift to her wedding.... So....
    You're right, you can't compare a baby shower to a wedding. So your comparison makes no sense. A wedding is about celebrating the union of the couple, and while gifts are customarily given, they are not the focus of the celebration. 
  • Disneygeek77Disneygeek77 member
    edited July 2015
    Uhhmmm actually I compared a bridal SHOWER to a baby SHOWER and when my good friend did get remarried, she said she would have been embarassed to have another bridal shower, so she didn't get one.  I did get her a wedding gift and I brought her a baby gift to the hospital when she had a second child.  So yes she  only got one bridal shower and one baby shower.  
  • @xrum it is circumstantial. Most people I know/where I'm from wouldn't have a second shower, but a sprinkle or small gathering like that. It's like a mini shower, but more of a gathering to celebrate the new little one. People usually just bring gifts. I haven't attended one with a registry, unless there was some sort of special circumstance. My mom had 2 showers, 1 for me as I am the first child. After my father passed away and she got remarried years later, she was blessed to be pregnant with my sister and so our family threw my mom a 2nd surprise shower. I was already 6 at the time and she didn't really have a lot of baby stuff left over from me. Also, this was seen as an opportunity to blend the two new families further. So it really depends. Also, if people are offering to throw the shower, it is okay to say yes. It's the same as accepting a gift, according to these posts anyway. Hope that helps :)
    [Deleted User]
  • I don't think there is anything wrong with it. I've had a baby shower for each of my babies abc I will for this one too (my fourth).
  • It's not a big deal. Each baby should be welcomed. If you personally don't want another shower then don't, if you do then go ahead. It's crazy how people get all hyped up for others wanting a shower for the next baby coming.
  • @DylansCandyBar not sure if you mean by gifts and such. But getting what I want? What I love about my showers was having the family together to celebrate a new life coming into the world. I loved playing games etc. I'm far from good. I personally have never asked for gifts and I have never cared if someone chose not to buy a gift even if it was my first baby shower. Everyone has their own reasonings. So I'm not one to judge if someone choses to have 1 or 10 baby showers.
  • Lol all these showers. I have thrown myself one and 2 have been done for me. My family and friends have never felt that way. I completely understand if people chose to have children definitely make sure you're financially stable. Which I am, which is why I personally chose to have more then 1 child. But thank you again for letting me know how you feel things should be. But it isn't your world or your life. Just a small opinion...
  • I'm having a second shower. My first was 18 years ago. None of my friends showed because i was the first of them to have a child at 20. It was a small affair. One or 2 dropped off gifts, but mostly it was just family that showed. I threw all of them lavish showers because by the time they had kids we were a little more clued into proper etiquette. This is my 2nd baby, my first with my new hubby, as my 18 year old's father passed when he was 3. So much has changed since then my girlfriends insisted i have a shower. I'm thrilled.
  • Where did that wierd GIF come from on my post? WTH is that?
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