how do you handle this every month over and over?

sunflower071913 · April 2015

AF just showed herself after I got all excited because I'm 15dpo then I took a test..... The woman on here that have been trying for 1 plus years, how do you do it? Every month I just want to hurt someone! I feel so frustrated! I just avoid Facebook all together, I looked on there this morning and I just wanted to be mean.... I feel like I'm getting bitter

conceiving shouldn't be this hard.. It seems so easy For the immature little girls out there just sleeping with anything and everything. Ugh

westiemom22 · April 2015

I have been trying for a long time with two miscarriages and two failed IVF cycles. I avoid Facebook and truly try to focus on anything I really enjoy! I spend as much time doing fun trips and dates with my husband and hanging with friends. Distraction is key. I also remind myself over and over that though I want to be a mom so badly, I have a great life and I am determined to enjoy it. Especially since I know I won't be able to do a lot of these activities as often once I have my family. It's tough though! I feel your pain.

mrskal · April 2015

Grab a bottle of wine, some ribs(or any other appetiser, some ice cream and drink till you can't remember the test.

sunflower071913 · April 2015

westiemom22 said:
I have been trying for a long time with two miscarriages and two failed IVF cycles. I avoid Facebook and truly try to focus on anything I really enjoy! I spend as much time doing fun trips and dates with my husband and hanging with friends. Distraction is key. I also remind myself over and over that though I want to be a mom so badly, I have a great life and I am determined to enjoy it. Especially since I know I won't be able to do a lot of these activities as often once I have my family. It's tough though! I feel your pain.

My husband is military so we just moved here.. So no friends and my husband left the beginning of this month and won't be back till next month.. So I'm going crazy here lol

mrskal · April 2015

How old are you? Are you charting?temping ? Read TCOYF?
If it's more than an year, maybe see RE?

sunflower071913 · April 2015

I am 20 I am reading TCOYF and I am temping and charting. I haven't been trying for a year yet I just know I'm going crazy and having to go through this for a full year will be hard, I wanted to know how y'all have been dealing with it. Y'all have more experience than I do. We've been trying for 7 months now going on our 8th, the fact that my husband has be to gone so much really messes with our chances.

sunflower071913 · April 2015

I'm sorry if it sounded like I've been trying that long.

mrskal · April 2015

sunflower071913 said:
I am 20 I am reading TCOYF and I am temping and charting. I haven't been trying for a year yet I just know I'm going crazy and having to go through this for a full year will be hard, I wanted to know how y'all have been dealing with it. Y'all have more experience than I do. We've been trying for 7 months now going on our 8th, the fact that my husband has be to gone so much really messes with our chances.

I can feel the pain of traveling partner,
Dh travels a lot, he out for three four days every week, so to hit fertile window is difficult,
Just know that there is always next time, grab a bottle of wine and sit back and relax.

sunflower071913 · April 2015

I'm not 21 so I can't bye wine

( I'm just here in my pajamas eating cookies snuggling with my puppy.. I'm just so ready for next month.

angc4 · April 2015

Well there goes that wine suggestion...
I realize you want a baby, we all do, and we understand your frustration with not having it happen when you want it... But I think the best suggestion for you would be to realize that you are very fortunate to be starting this journey so early on in life ... Some people don't have as much time on their hands ... While you wait to get pregnant, try finding something new that you can be passionate about. Maybe crafting, sports, hiking! Where do you live? Try getting out there and making friends? Get a job somewhere social, like the mall or a popular restaurant ...
Best of luck to you!

sunflower071913 · April 2015

Thank you! I live it upstate NY, like a mile from canada. I've started hiking and taking my Dog to the Dog park and working out but its just now starting to warm up up here. I am blessed to have started this so young and I think a lot of my frustration is because everyone I know is getting preggo without trying at all and they don't know anything about pregnancy so I'm constantly trying not to correct them on Facebook for the belly bump pics at 2 months and the constant stupid questions.

angc4 · April 2015

That is hard! Enjoy your youth girl friend! And feel good about knowing that you are ahead of the game on the knowledgable part!

sunflower071913 · April 2015

angc4 said:
That is hard! Enjoy your youth girl friend! And feel good about knowing that you are ahead of the game on the knowledgable part!

Thank you, 4 girls we know have turned up pregnant since we've started TTC one being my SIL. Sorry to keep blabbing I just needed to vent I guess lol

Spalex · April 2015

sunflower071913 said:

angc4 said:
That is hard! Enjoy your youth girl friend! And feel good about knowing that you are ahead of the game on the knowledgable part!
Thank you, 4 girls we know have turned up pregnant since we've started TTC one being my SIL. Sorry to keep blabbing I just needed to vent I guess lol

I have the opposite problem. None of my friends are trying to have children. It's kinda lonely on both sides I guess. You're so fortunate to get the chance to ttc so young, even if it doesn't feel that way right now

sunflower071913 · April 2015

I'm just so impatient! Especially knowing DH could be deployed next year. I'm hoping he doesn't because that would mean he wouldn't be here for the birth if I get pregnant this year... Ugh so many things run through my head..

Jags8 · April 2015

It does get a bit frustrating...but after about month 6 I became very zen about it. It will be a year next month. I just keep busy with work, my dogs, and now that it's nicer out- gardening and landscaping! I also hide people on facebook who constantly post baby pics or announce pregnancies. It's not that I'm not happy for them, it just also hurts to highlight my pregnancy loss and now not getting pregnant again. You do what you need to do, as long as it's healthy.

jnnfrrose6 · April 2015

sunflower071913 said:

angc4 said:
That is hard! Enjoy your youth girl friend! And feel good about knowing that you are ahead of the game on the knowledgable part!
Thank you, 4 girls we know have turned up pregnant since we've started TTC one being my SIL. Sorry to keep blabbing I just needed to vent I guess lol

Ok, I'm going to be the mean one it looks like, but everything you've said has really rubbed me the wrong way. Unless you are in these other people's homes, you don't know what they've been through or not to get pregnant and you just sound like a selfish little kid who isn't getting the first piece of cake. Life is hard sometimes and sometimes you don't get what you want when you want it. You're 20. You know what I was doing then, I was traveling and experiencing the world. Maybe focus on something else in the meantime. Having a child isn't the end all, be all for your life.

27alex · April 2015

PP's covered everything.

Remember, you don't count cycles unless you have sex in your fertile window. So with you DH gone this month, you'll still be at 7

missteacherlady16 · April 2015

BHEAT14 said:
@jnnfrrose6 I felt the exact same way but didn't want to sound like a witch with a b! I kept reading that OP was only 20 and I was like seriously! Sometimes I think people need perspective. When I was 20 I was getting my degree, doing theatre and learning my craft as a writer. It was awesome!

Agreed. At 20 I wasn't even in a committed relationship. Just having fun and being young. Sure I would have liked to be in a position to start TTC well before it happened, but even I know at 28, this is still good timing. Count your blessings, OP, you're ahead of the game. Enjoy your time!

sunflower071913 · April 2015

These people that have gotten pregnant. I do know them pretty well actually. They talk to me, one of them is family, that is why I hold back on correcting them. Just because I'm younger and have a different dream right now than you did doesn't mean I don't have a right to want a baby. My DH and i have always wanted kids. I am happy for the other couples but yes its annoy that they can consider their pregnancy an accident and complain about something we have been dreaming of and one girl is younger than me BTW. My husband left the first week of April which is when I ovulated.

sunflower071913 · April 2015

I am aware of that. Just like someone said eaelier you dont know everyones situation And my DH and I would've been trying last year but he was deployed, we've wanted this for a while and it just makes me upset when people act like we just decided 7 months ago that we wanted to try. No we wasn't able to try before that. Apart of me feels like they should have been the ones to wait because two of them are going through a devorce, and one is living with her parents and has told me very bluntly that she did not want the baby right now but she's doing the right thing. But I understand everything happens for a reason. The other I am extremely happy for because she has wanted to be a mommy for years. My problem is I know their stories I guess. Who doesn't get frustrated once in a while.

DaphneMoon1 · April 2015

I'm not going to say you're 20 you should just enjoy your life. I wasn't ready for a child at that age, but everyone is different. If the timing is right for you and your husband now, then good for you.

I will say, you don't know what other people are going through. You shouldn't envy someone who is accidentally pregnant. That is not an easy road.

I think everyone who wants something and watching other people get it can be frustrating. Anyone who has TTC for more than a few months has had feelings of pain when others announce their pregnancy. That's normal. Recognize that it's normal, but remind yourself there isn't a limits to babies. Others fertility has nothing to do with yours.

I've felt jealousy, but not bitter. If you're starting to feel bitter I think you need to take a step back and evaluate what's causing those feelings.

27alex · April 2015

BHEAT14 said:
This is a serious question, I'm not being judgmental, you're 20 right? How are two of your friends going through a divorce already? Did you and your friends all get married right out of high school? Again, no judgement. I'm one of the few people from my graduating class to even be married and I'm 26 so that's why I'm asking.

The military has a get married/have babies mentality immediately, whether you're 18 or 28.

It's just the culture.

sunflower071913 · April 2015

BHEAT14 said:
This is a serious question, I'm not being judgmental, you're 20 right? How are two of your friends going through a divorce already? Did you and your friends all get married right out of high school? Again, no judgement. I'm one of the few people from my graduating class to even be married and I'm 26 so that's why I'm asking.

One is my cousins soon to be ex wife shes 25 and she grew up in my home church, the other is actually younger than me, she just turned 18 she's pregnant and they are getting a devorce. the fact that the child will live without its parents together is sad but it happens all the time.

angc4 · April 2015

I think we all felt the same way when we read her age!! I lol'd ... Not gonna lie ... But really the main point is enjoy your youth, live your life for you, not for others, not even for the child you will have some day... Stick with these boards as a means to getting positive support and to talk through the struggles, but definitely don't live in a pity party, it's only hurting you!

** not saying you are, just saying!

firebaby688 · April 2015

BHEAT14 said:
This is a serious question, I'm not being judgmental, you're 20 right? How are two of your friends going through a divorce already? Did you and your friends all get married right out of high school? Again, no judgement. I'm one of the few people from my graduating class to even be married and I'm 26 so that's why I'm asking.

I get what you're saying, but it is a culture thing. I grew up in a conservative Christian home. It was surprising that I didn't get married until 25. My husband got married at 19 and divorced at 23. Another one of our friends got divorced young as well. I'm not sure the culture behind military marriages, but for the conservative Christians it's sex. It's the reason I decided not to wait, lol.

jnnfrrose6 · April 2015

sunflower071913 said:

BHEAT14 said:
This is a serious question, I'm not being judgmental, you're 20 right? How are two of your friends going through a divorce already? Did you and your friends all get married right out of high school? Again, no judgement. I'm one of the few people from my graduating class to even be married and I'm 26 so that's why I'm asking.
One is my cousins soon to be ex wife shes 25 and she grew up in my home church, the other is actually younger than me, she just turned 18 she's pregnant and they are getting a devorce. the fact that the child will live without its parents together is sad but it happens all the time.

Why is it sad that the parents are getting a divorce? It's a hell of a lot better than the parents staying together for the kid and being miserable at home.

sunflower071913 · April 2015

DaphneMoon1 said:
I'm not going to say you're 20 you should just enjoy your life. I wasn't ready for a child at that age, but everyone is different. If the timing is right for you and your husband now, then good for you.

I will say, you don't know what other people are going through. You shouldn't envy someone who is accidentally pregnant. That is not an easy road.

I think everyone who wants something and watching other people get it can be frustrating. Anyone who has TTC for more than a few months has had feelings of pain when others announce their pregnancy. That's normal. Recognize that it's normal, but remind yourself there isn't a limits to babies. Others fertility has nothing to do with yours.

I've felt jealousy, but not bitter. If you're starting to feel bitter I think you need to take a step back and evaluate what's causing those feelings.

I think bitter was the wrong choice of words but I do feel jealous from time to time because I'm trying to be a good friend and be someone they can talk to but all I hear about is babies and how they will be mad if its a boy or if this happens or that happens and I'm just feeling overwhelmed.

27alex · April 2015

firebaby688 said:

BHEAT14 said:
This is a serious question, I'm not being judgmental, you're 20 right? How are two of your friends going through a divorce already? Did you and your friends all get married right out of high school? Again, no judgement. I'm one of the few people from my graduating class to even be married and I'm 26 so that's why I'm asking.
I get what you're saying, but it is a culture thing. I grew up in a conservative Christian home. It was surprising that I didn't get married until 25. My husband got married at 19 and divorced at 23. Another one of our friends got divorced young as well. I'm not sure the culture behind military marriages, but for the conservative Christians it's sex. It's the reason I decided not to wait, lol.

Get married, have someone at home to fight for, get a bigger paycheck. Have a baby, get a bigger paycheck and give the wife something to do. Have a baby a deployment. It's a weird culture.

I was a military girlfriend for 2 deployments and now I'm a vet wife. Very few of our military friends are still together, they all have at least 3 kids, and it's a mess. It's not what it's cracked up to be.

Edit: my husband was married before me. When he enlisted he was encouraged to marry his then girlfriend so she would have his benefits if something happened.

sunflower071913 · April 2015

jnnfrrose6 said:

sunflower071913 said:

BHEAT14 said:
This is a serious question, I'm not being judgmental, you're 20 right? How are two of your friends going through a divorce already? Did you and your friends all get married right out of high school? Again, no judgement. I'm one of the few people from my graduating class to even be married and I'm 26 so that's why I'm asking.
One is my cousins soon to be ex wife shes 25 and she grew up in my home church, the other is actually younger than me, she just turned 18 she's pregnant and they are getting a devorce. the fact that the child will live without its parents together is sad but it happens all the time.

Why is it sad that the parents are getting a divorce? It's a hell of a lot better than the parents staying together for the kid and being miserable at home.

Because the mother doesn't plan on having a father figure in the child's life and the dad doesn't want to be there. The mother feels like she got married too young and wants to sleep around just to know what it feels like.

jnnfrrose6 · April 2015

sunflower071913 said:

jnnfrrose6 said:

sunflower071913 said:

BHEAT14 said:
This is a serious question, I'm not being judgmental, you're 20 right? How are two of your friends going through a divorce already? Did you and your friends all get married right out of high school? Again, no judgement. I'm one of the few people from my graduating class to even be married and I'm 26 so that's why I'm asking.
One is my cousins soon to be ex wife shes 25 and she grew up in my home church, the other is actually younger than me, she just turned 18 she's pregnant and they are getting a devorce. the fact that the child will live without its parents together is sad but it happens all the time.

Why is it sad that the parents are getting a divorce? It's a hell of a lot better than the parents staying together for the kid and being miserable at home.
Because the mother doesn't plan on having a father figure in the child's life and the dad doesn't want to be there. The mother feels like she got married too young and wants to sleep around just to know what it feels like.

Again, so it's better that they are splitting up now then. A kid doesn't have or need to have 2 parents in the home to turn out ok. Good for them to recognize that they are better apart.

sunflower071913 · April 2015

@Alex27 these woman are not military woman and no I am not wanting a baby for more money if that's what you're implying. I have always wanted children even before DH enlisted.

27alex · April 2015

sunflower071913 said:
Alex27 these woman are not military woman and no I am not wanting a baby for more money if that's what you're implying. I have always wanted children even before DH enlisted.

I didn't imply. Someone asked about the culture.

You and I have very different views, and I'm holding back what id like to say/advice id like to give as someone who knows the life because I think you're very young. And I'm 100% positive you'd get offended and throw a fit without really thinking about the truth of what I'm saying.

sunflower071913 · April 2015

BHEAT14 said:
@sunflower071913 Oh OK. I was just wondering. I don't know anyone in the armed forces of any kind so I had no clue.

Also, my parents are divorced and I'm pretty well adjusted. You're parents being married isn't a requirement to have a happy childhood.

I agree but idk I have a feeling she will go wild once the baby is born but I'm hoping it will help her mature.

firebaby688 · April 2015

27alex said:

firebaby688 said:

BHEAT14 said:
This is a serious question, I'm not being judgmental, you're 20 right? How are two of your friends going through a divorce already? Did you and your friends all get married right out of high school? Again, no judgement. I'm one of the few people from my graduating class to even be married and I'm 26 so that's why I'm asking.
I get what you're saying, but it is a culture thing. I grew up in a conservative Christian home. It was surprising that I didn't get married until 25. My husband got married at 19 and divorced at 23. Another one of our friends got divorced young as well. I'm not sure the culture behind military marriages, but for the conservative Christians it's sex. It's the reason I decided not to wait, lol.
Get married, have someone at home to fight for, get a bigger paycheck. Have a baby, get a bigger paycheck and give the wife something to do. Have a baby a deployment. It's a weird culture.

I was a military girlfriend for 2 deployments and now I'm a vet wife. Very few of our military friends are still together, they all have at least 3 kids, and it's a mess. It's not what it's cracked up to be.

Edit: my husband was married before me. When he enlisted he was encouraged to marry his then girlfriend so she would have his benefits if something happened.

Thanks! The social worker in me likes the sociology of such things.

firebaby688 · April 2015

sunflower071913 said:
Alex27 these woman are not military woman and no I am not wanting a baby for more money if that's what you're implying. I have always wanted children even before DH enlisted.

She was answering my wondering about military culture. No need to get defensive.

sunflower071913 · April 2015

jnnfrrose6 said:

sunflower071913 said:

jnnfrrose6 said:

sunflower071913 said:

BHEAT14 said:
This is a serious question, I'm not being judgmental, you're 20 right? How are two of your friends going through a divorce already? Did you and your friends all get married right out of high school? Again, no judgement. I'm one of the few people from my graduating class to even be married and I'm 26 so that's why I'm asking.
One is my cousins soon to be ex wife shes 25 and she grew up in my home church, the other is actually younger than me, she just turned 18 she's pregnant and they are getting a devorce. the fact that the child will live without its parents together is sad but it happens all the time.

Why is it sad that the parents are getting a divorce? It's a hell of a lot better than the parents staying together for the kid and being miserable at home.
Because the mother doesn't plan on having a father figure in the child's life and the dad doesn't want to be there. The mother feels like she got married too young and wants to sleep around just to know what it feels like.

Again, so it's better that they are splitting up now then. A kid doesn't have or need to have 2 parents in the home to turn out ok. Good for them to recognize that they are better apart.

They go back and forth a lot . sometimes she talks like she's going back to him but she still wants to leave and she's still setting things up with the lawyer but they put it off then have a fight and Its crazyness.

Spalex · April 2015

27alex said:

sunflower071913 said:
Alex27 these woman are not military woman and no I am not wanting a baby for more money if that's what you're implying. I have always wanted children even before DH enlisted.
I didn't imply. Someone asked about the culture.

You and I have very different views, and I'm holding back what id like to say/advice id like to give as someone who knows the life because I think you're very young. And I'm 100% positive you'd get offended and throw a fit without really thinking about the truth of what I'm saying.

Say it.

27alex · April 2015

lovelychica1022 said:

27alex said:

sunflower071913 said:
Alex27 these woman are not military woman and no I am not wanting a baby for more money if that's what you're implying. I have always wanted children even before DH enlisted.
I didn't imply. Someone asked about the culture.

You and I have very different views, and I'm holding back what id like to say/advice id like to give as someone who knows the life because I think you're very young. And I'm 100% positive you'd get offended and throw a fit without really thinking about the truth of what I'm saying.

Say it.

You are 20 years old. Live your life!!! I think it's great your husband is in the military, and you stand by him but take the time to realize that who you are at 20 is not who will you be at 25 or 30. I'm sure you love your husband, and I am in no way saying don't have a baby if you both want one. Make friends (NOT in the military circle), go to college, have a life for yourself before you have a baby and be a stay at home military wife. The stats aren't in your favor, or in marriages for that matter, and there's a reason for that.

What's the rush?

sunflower071913 · April 2015

BHEAT14 said:
I grew up in a very Catholic area but it was also just expected you to college so maybe that's why there are so few married people from my graduating class. I don't just mean BS's or BA's either. Most of my graduating class has Masters, MDs JDs or are in school for PhDs. I think maybe 2 people from my grade have had kids. One for religious reasons and one because he had an illness that would make having kids impossible when he got older. My ex also had a kid but he was from a different school. Even the older classes are shockingly baby free. I can maybe name 50 people with babies from the entire student body from my entire 4 years I was in high school.

I really had no idea the military culture was get married have babies no matter the age. I always assumed it was discouraged so that the government had to pay out less if someone didn't come home. I actually learned a lot.

A lot of people say that because you get more pay with children but just like people abuse food stamps or any other thing some people abuse it some people don't and I live on base and most of the couples in my neighborhood do not have children. So its not true for every military family.

angc4 · April 2015

@BHEAT14 totally!! Growing up in San Diego has made me well aware, I see it sooo much, it's scary!

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