who holds baby first — The Bump
June 2015 Moms

who holds baby first

I believe the mom giving birth should be the first one to hold the baby after he's born. My boyfriends mom insist she is the first one to get to hold My son. Oh but I want to be the one to hold him. Who else thinks that's messed up. I will be pissed if she trys that.
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Re: who holds baby first

  • That's not right! You and your boyfriend should hold him first.
    kbbtahNotISaidtheCatkaraelaine1991
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  • I told my dh before the baby was born that nobody except him would be holding my baby till i did. I didn't even want people knowing that he was born ( i had a c section) till i was out of recovery and had feed him and such.. stick to you guns!
    katyertlkbbtahkaraelaine1991mandybacken
  • I'm a mom of three and soon to be 4 God willing. Just a little FYI the doctor places the baby on top of the mother right away unless there is complications. So don't worry she won't be the first.
    alcrimminssarac15jesscmv
  • My midwife was just explaining to my D/H and I that as mon as there are. I complications, once I deliver they will place the l/o on me until the cord is finished pulsing. Once that happens, they will take the baby to weigh and measure.
    mandybackenJennym2b
  • Agree with all PP...set the ground rules and expectations now. I had a friend in a similar situation and MIL had major issues thinking the baby was hers! So sorry, you're the momma, stand your ground and good luck.
    mccall35
  • katyertl said:

    Why the flying f*@$ does she think she can get away with this?this is exactly why the couple should be the only ones in the room for delivery. It's your time as a couple. I would never share that moment with anyone else but my husband. And to think another person feels like it's their right to hold MY child first is freakin delusional. Oh my god no post ever pissed me off as much as this one. I'm so sorry you have to deal with that crap

    Yup
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    katyertlmccall35
  • mellymar said:

    katyertl said:

    Why the flying f*@$ does she think she can get away with this?this is exactly why the couple should be the only ones in the room for delivery. It's your time as a couple. I would never share that moment with anyone else but my husband. And to think another person feels like it's their right to hold MY child first is freakin delusional. Oh my god no post ever pissed me off as much as this one. I'm so sorry you have to deal with that crap

    Yup
    This.

    Is this a real post? It's so hard to believe!
    Addeliemandybacken
  • I think you should def hold your child first. Its so important to bond with your baby after birth. I wonder if your MIL meant for her to be the first of the family to hold the baby after you and your boyfriend got to bond and relax a little. Just a thought!
    Addelie
  • DH held DS first because I had a CSection. However, he immediately brought him over to me and held him as close to me as possible while I was stitched up.
    04/2008 Biochemical
    03/2009 DS
    09/2013 Ectopic - MTX
    1/2014 Biochemical
    07/2014 Ectopic
    09/2014 Final injectible/IUI cycle prior to saving for IVF. BFP!!! 
    14 DPO: 179
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    Due June 5th!


  • You must hold the baby first and for a while. Skin to skin is so important for you and the baby. Insist now or this will be only the tip of the iceberg.
  • The nurses can actually ask her to leave if you can't do it yourself.
  • I am really hoping that your boyfriend's mom means that she would like to be the first to hold the baby after you and your boyfriend. Like, it's just understood that you guys get to dote on baby first but she would like to be the next in line.

    If she truly believes she is entitled to the first hold, then I would just ignore her and let the doctors know to put baby on your chest first. That's typically what is done. They did that to me for both my girls.
    NotISaidtheCatcbrtncanadian
  • Agree with all the skin to skin comments. At our birthing class the nurse said if for any reason mommy is unable to do the skin to skin, daddy needs to. When my sister had her baby only she and her husband were in the room and the hospital rules stated that they got an hour before anyone else could come in. That gave them time to bond and time for her to eat. I understand your concern, though, DH has a huge family and all live nearby. I know they plan to be at the hospital which I'm totally ok with but the minute anyone claims any right to anything, they are out. When one of my friends had her 1st son her MIL got hold of him and would not let go
    She wouldn't let her own husband hold him. My friend was so tired and her husband is so soft spoken she just got away with it. I can guarantee you that I won't allow anyone to pull that crap. Find out what your hospital's rules are and ask the nurses and doctors to help enforce your wishes.
  • Question about skin-to-skin... I'd love to do it and fully intend to but I also want my DH to have the opportunity to hold DD right away. As @rrcameron21 said, I think it would be really lovely for him to be able to hold her first since I've been able to "hold" her, so to speak, for the 40 weeks of her existence prior to her birth. What are your opinions on letting DH hold her for the first 15 minutes of skin-to-skin and then me holding her for the rest of the hour? We would certainly adjust the timing as needed if she showed signs of wanting to latch. 
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  • Its crazy to me that she would have even said that to me. I want to hold him asap. Hopefully no complications come between that. He's healthy so far and very active. I can't wait to be able to hold him and I'm planning on breast feeding. thanks for all the feedback.
    karaelaine1991amabarneKaLikeAWind
  • Question about skin-to-skin... I'd love to do it and fully intend to but I also want my DH to have the opportunity to hold DD right away. As @rrcameron21 said, I think it would be really lovely for him to be able to hold her first since I've been able to "hold" her, so to speak, for the 40 weeks of her existence prior to her birth. What are your opinions on letting DH hold her for the first 15 minutes of skin-to-skin and then me holding her for the rest of the hour? We would certainly adjust the timing as needed if she showed signs of wanting to latch. 

    Yes I've been wondering this, too. Hubs was always the one to want children more than I did so its going to be a hugely fulfilling moment him. But I also read in the bfing book I am reading that in that first hour baby responds so much so being close to mom - our scent, our voice, etc... But I really want hubs to be able to hold ewok.
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    karaelaine1991
  • edited March 2015
    mellymar said:

    Question about skin-to-skin... I'd love to do it and fully intend to but I also want my DH to have the opportunity to hold DD right away. As @rrcameron21 said, I think it would be really lovely for him to be able to hold her first since I've been able to "hold" her, so to speak, for the 40 weeks of her existence prior to her birth. What are your opinions on letting DH hold her for the first 15 minutes of skin-to-skin and then me holding her for the rest of the hour? We would certainly adjust the timing as needed if she showed signs of wanting to latch. 

    Yes I've been wondering this, too. Hubs was always the one to want children more than I did so its going to be a hugely fulfilling moment him. But I also read in the bfing book I am reading that in that first hour baby responds so much so being close to mom - our scent, our voice, etc... But I really want hubs to be able to hold ewok.



    Yeah, I want to hold the baby first, but I also think giving dad the honors is a totally valid, and still healthy, decision. The PP that that said the mom "must" hold the baby first stuck me a a lot like statements that moms "must" breastfeed. There are benefits of course, we all know about the benefits, but unless dad immediately drops the baby on its head, I don't think there's any harm done.
    Coffee Bean Born 6/13/15.
    2nd round exp 8/20/18.
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    karaelaine1991KaLikeAWindErinrhea77
  • mellymar said:

    Question about skin-to-skin... I'd love to do it and fully intend to but I also want my DH to have the opportunity to hold DD right away. As @rrcameron21 said, I think it would be really lovely for him to be able to hold her first since I've been able to "hold" her, so to speak, for the 40 weeks of her existence prior to her birth. What are your opinions on letting DH hold her for the first 15 minutes of skin-to-skin and then me holding her for the rest of the hour? We would certainly adjust the timing as needed if she showed signs of wanting to latch. 

    Yes I've been wondering this, too. Hubs was always the one to want children more than I did so its going to be a hugely fulfilling moment him. But I also read in the bfing book I am reading that in that first hour baby responds so much so being close to mom - our scent, our voice, etc... But I really want hubs to be able to hold ewok.
    Your SOs can touch the baby and be right there, and there will be LOTS of time for holding the baby in the first few hours and days, just maybe not immediately. I don't know much about the benefits of it, but I think we'll learn about it at our birth class, and I'll ask questions then. Or I'll ask the doc if we still have questions. I just really want the optimum circumstances for BFing, so if that factors in and has any chance of going more smoothly because of the first hour or two of me with the baby, my H will just have to wait!
    karaelaine1991KaLikeAWind
  • i feel that the mother should be the first to hold her child, theres a bond thats between the two of you, almost an animal-like instinct. i mean think about it...if anything let your sons dad be the first.
  • Benefits of skin to skin aren't just for baby. Having baby on your chest stimulates oxytocin production, which along with the kneading motion of their knees against your belly both cause the uterus to continue contracting and push the placenta out efficiently, lessening the likelihood that you will need Pitocin to complete the third stage of labor.
    karaelaine1991KaLikeAWindAddelieNotISaidtheCat
  • So why does the boyfriends mom even need to know that you're in labor? This helps me decide that I'm not calling anyone except the babysitter for my older girls. People can come the next day.
    katyertlkaraelaine1991ksimo6Penwater1
  • edited March 2015

    Benefits of skin to skin aren't just for baby. Having baby on your chest stimulates oxytocin production, which along with the kneading motion of their knees against your belly both cause the uterus to continue contracting and push the placenta out efficiently, lessening the likelihood that you will need Pitocin to complete the third stage of labor.

    Thanks for sharing this info! All of the reasons I had heard for skin-to-skin being baby/mom centered exclusively on breastfeeding benefits and the bond that forms... I just can't imagine that letting DH hold her first for a short period of time would really make that much of a difference in the long run. The information about the importance of it to labor is much more compelling, in my opinion!
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    KaLikeAWindSerenamarrNotISaidtheCat
  • Another thing...you will most likely be doing skin to skin when you are delivering the placenta and the Dr is cleaning you up.

    karaelaine1991KaLikeAWindalcrimmins
  • i feel that the mother should be the first to hold her child, theres a bond thats between the two of you, almost an animal-like instinct. i mean think about it...if anything let your sons dad be the first.

    I was telling DH about this post and said that even if I intended to let him or someone else hold the baby first, instinct would have just taken over and I would have grabbed our babies and pulled them to my chest.  At least for me, when our first two were born, I didn't even think, as they were pulling DD & DS out I just reached for them and held them close. 


  • I cannot wait! I'm so excited. Its going to be painful as hell but as soon as I see him and hold him all the pain will disappear.
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