Question about skin-to-skin... I'd love to do it and fully intend to but I also want my DH to have the opportunity to hold DD right away. As @rrcameron21 said, I think it would be really lovely for him to be able to hold her first since I've been able to "hold" her, so to speak, for the 40 weeks of her existence prior to her birth. What are your opinions on letting DH hold her for the first 15 minutes of skin-to-skin and then me holding her for the rest of the hour? We would certainly adjust the timing as needed if she showed signs of wanting to latch.
Yes I've been wondering this, too. Hubs was always the one to want children more than I did so its going to be a hugely fulfilling moment him. But I also read in the bfing book I am reading that in that first hour baby responds so much so being close to mom - our scent, our voice, etc... But I really want hubs to be able to hold ewok.
I had a csection and DH held DS for the first 45 min while they closed me up and got me to the recovery room. It wasn't even skin to skin (gasp)! And DS and I went on to have an exclusive BFing relationship for 21 months... So I don't think the whole "mum must hold baby first" is such a must!
I don't understand why this is even a discussion. The OP needs to set boundaries and learn to say NO.
I don't give a crap what my Mom or my MIL (who lives in a different country, so it doesn't matter) want. The only people in our delivery room will be me, DH, baby, our doula, the doctor, and other required medical personnel. Period. It's not up for discussion. I don't understand how this becomes an argument. The answer is just no, end of conversation. They didn't get to be there during conception (gross!). I don't demand to be in their personal spaces (bedrooms, bathrooms, etc). It's ludicrous to me that anyone would think they have any sort of right to demand these types of things at a birth either. I mean, really... WHAT!?
Question about skin-to-skin... I'd love to do it and fully intend to but I also want my DH to have the opportunity to hold DD right away. As @rrcameron21 said, I think it would be really lovely for him to be able to hold her first since I've been able to "hold" her, so to speak, for the 40 weeks of her existence prior to her birth. What are your opinions on letting DH hold her for the first 15 minutes of skin-to-skin and then me holding her for the rest of the hour? We would certainly adjust the timing as needed if she showed signs of wanting to latch.
Yes I've been wondering this, too. Hubs was always the one to want children more than I did so its going to be a hugely fulfilling moment him. But I also read in the bfing book I am reading that in that first hour baby responds so much so being close to mom - our scent, our voice, etc... But I really want hubs to be able to hold ewok.
I had a csection and DH held DS for the first 45 min while they closed me up and got me to the recovery room. It wasn't even skin to skin (gasp)! And DS and I went on to have an exclusive BFing relationship for 21 months... So I don't think the whole "mum must hold baby first" is such a must!
I agree that it's not a must, though I would say ideal. Both DD and DS had breathing problems and were taken from my chest after the first few minutes. DD just had to be suctioned better and stay on the warmer for an hour. DS was brought to Level II Special Care Nursery and was there for the first 36 hours. I couldn't even hold him for the first twelve, much less nurse him (he was given an IV for fluids and I pumped every 2-3 hours). However, I never struggled to BF either one, DD I nursed until 20 months, DS until 2. I still think it's something to shoot for if everything is going well, but nobody should hang their heads or worry if they can't do immediate skin to skin!
Had a c-section and did skin to skin while they closed the incision. DH was right there too. If you can do it do. Obviously health of the baby is paramount. This is the most intimate and life changing thing you will go through. Don't let someone steal your moment.
I found out why my MIL said she wants to hold my baby first.....she was out and didn't get to do the immediate holding of her own babies after birth. I feel bad for her however this is my son and he will be placed on my chest. I plan on breastfeeding so I want us to bond right away. When I go into labor and deliver the baby I just won't say anything until he's already popped out. I cannot avoid it though if my boyfriends at work and my MIL has to be my ride to the hospital. I love her and I know she means well. I told her my wishes to hold him and breastfeed first and afterwords she can hold him whenever she wants. She is a wonderful woman and will be a great help to me I'm sure. She just needs to respect my wishes.
I found out why my MIL said she wants to hold my baby first.....she was out and didn't get to do the immediate holding of her own babies after birth. I feel bad for her however this is my son and he will be placed on my chest. I plan on breastfeeding so I want us to bond right away. When I go into labor and deliver the baby I just won't say anything until he's already popped out. I cannot avoid it though if my boyfriends at work and my MIL has to be my ride to the hospital. I love her and I know she means well. I told her my wishes to hold him and breastfeed first and afterwords she can hold him whenever she wants. She is a wonderful woman and will be a great help to me I'm sure. She just needs to respect my wishes.
Yeah, I feel bad for your MIL, but why should you not get to experience that just because she missed out? Seems selfish of her to me. I hope she'll respect your wishes when the time comes!
Thank you. You are very right. Username knottiethensomenumbers said I need to learn to say no. And doesn't even get why this is a discussion. She is right however because I am a big pushover. This is my baby and I have the right to decide who is in the delivery room and the baby handling stuff. I definitely don't need to put her wishes before my own because she wasn't the first to hold her kids immediately after birth. Ill try to be as strong as I can. I already have a date set to do a tour of the birth center and I will ask about their policies. I'll tell them my wishes so that they will know. Again thank you.
The talk about how quickly for mom to hold the baby reminds me of something the nurse teaching a parenting class I recently took told us about. She wanted everyone to just be aware that whatever our plans are, if the situation changes and you're not able to hold the baby right away (like some medical issue for you, etc)...try not to worry too much about that missed immediate bonding, because the baby will still be able to bond with you later. So its not like there's only that one window of time for baby to be able to bond. I thought that was a good thing to keep in mind just in case things don't turn out the way we plan.
Which also reminds me, another very helpful word of caution she gave, is try not to be too rigid with your birth plan (if you have one), because if it doesn't go as planned, and you're not prepared to take things in stride, it can put you in a more vulnerable state for postpartum depression.
This exactly! I was rushed into an emergency c-section with ds. As soon as he was born the doctors wrapped him up and handed him to dh. DH instantly brought him over to me and let me wrap my arms around him and kiss him. I was very sick and was in recovery for a few hours. DS was about 4 hours old when I first got to hold him. I was still able to breastfeed him for 13 months, so we weren't affected by not bonding immediately. After dh and I had bonding time with him, then family asked to hold him. This time around we are having twin girls and I will be having a second c-section. I plan to do the same this time. DH will hold them and bring them to me immediately. As soon as I'm out of recovery I will nurse them and bond with them. Then family will be aloud to come in and hold them. If anyone has a problem with that, they won't be notified of the birth until after we've bonded.
Re: who holds baby first
Edit: lol, yes stupid auto correct!