who holds baby first

rsalata · March 2015

I believe the mom giving birth should be the first one to hold the baby after he's born. My boyfriends mom insist she is the first one to get to hold My son. Oh but I want to be the one to hold him. Who else thinks that's messed up. I will be pissed if she trys that.

BabyList · March 2015

That's not right! You and your boyfriend should hold him first.

ElRuby · March 2015

The doctor will hold him first.

AlyLynn07 · March 2015

My MIL and my own mom won't even be in the room when baby is born. I think your BF's mom should feel lucky to be able to witness the birth itself. I also think that skin-to-skin time with mommy is very important immediately after birth (if possible). I may be biased, but the woman who carries the baby for almost a year, goes through labor, and pushes him or her out has dibs on holding HER baby. So yes, that is crazy talk on the BF's mom's part!! I would go nuts.

mvargas12 · March 2015

If that's a fight you want to avoid just whisper to your doctor to give you the baby first, which he/she will probably do anyway. It's not even a thing you should have to do since its your baby and it's ridiculous of her to even ask to hold the baby first but some things are just not worth the battle.

rrcameron21 · March 2015

I want my fiancé to hold him first! I get to hold him for 40 weeks! I definitely want some time before anyone besides us gets their paws on him... Feeling possessive already

katyertl · March 2015

Why the flying f*@$ does she think she can get away with this?this is exactly why the couple should be the only ones in the room for delivery. It's your time as a couple. I would never share that moment with anyone else but my husband. And to think another person feels like it's their right to hold MY child first is freakin delusional. Oh my god no post ever pissed me off as much as this one. I'm so sorry you have to deal with that crap

chiudo · March 2015

She doesn't need to be in the delivery room to start with.

HayesRN13 · March 2015

Baby should be put skin to skin immediately after birth... Some hospitals it is policy, if not you need to request it. Tell your boyfriend or whoever to do some research about the benefits to baby of skin to skin contact with mother, regulates babies temp, blood sugar, and the list goes on.. It is not healthy for baby to be passed around, they go into "shutdown" mode which can cause problems for breastfeeding. If babies latch within 1st hour they have a overall higher success rate .

rusticmomma · March 2015

I told my dh before the baby was born that nobody except him would be holding my baby till i did. I didn't even want people knowing that he was born ( i had a c section) till i was out of recovery and had feed him and such.. stick to you guns!

marcellaD4 · March 2015

I'm a mom of three and soon to be 4 God willing. Just a little FYI the doctor places the baby on top of the mother right away unless there is complications. So don't worry she won't be the first.

JessHeppell · March 2015

i would ask who held her children first, if she says she did, then remind her that she had her chance. or do the whole thing where its your body, your baby, your rules. if she doesnt like it, she doesnt have to be there for delivery.

alcrimmins · March 2015

My midwife was just explaining to my D/H and I that as mon as there are. I complications, once I deliver they will place the l/o on me until the cord is finished pulsing. Once that happens, they will take the baby to weigh and measure.

kbbtah · March 2015

Agree with all PP...set the ground rules and expectations now. I had a friend in a similar situation and MIL had major issues thinking the baby was hers! So sorry, you're the momma, stand your ground and good luck.

KaLikeAWind · March 2015

katyertl said:
Why the flying f*@$ does she think she can get away with this?this is exactly why the couple should be the only ones in the room for delivery. It's your time as a couple. I would never share that moment with anyone else but my husband. And to think another person feels like it's their right to hold MY child first is freakin delusional. Oh my god no post ever pissed me off as much as this one. I'm so sorry you have to deal with that crap

Yup

henrytviii · March 2015

I can't even believe this is an issue for some families. So sorry that its even a question. Baby and mom need to bond. With my first the doctor had the baby for perhaps 1-2 seconds, then he was put on my chest, the nurses wiped him down a little bit without taking him out of my arms. They checked his vitals on my chest and I held onto him for at least 3-4 hours before he was removed from my arms at all, he wasn't even weighed for at least 4 hours after birth. And this was in a hospital, not even a birth center. The only thing I'm changing this time around is I'll hand him over to DH for a little bit, a little sooner. I still feel bad that I didn't let him hold his first born for several hours. But honestly it didn't occur to me to pass him over and DH didn't ask, he knew how important it was for me to hold him as long as I could. He was fine with lying on the bed right next to us.. I only passed him over to take a shower. My mom & mother in law will be in town this time, they'll get to hold the baby within 12-24 hours of his birth, probably not much sooner, and they'll wait patiently. They won't even expect us to call until after we've had some bonding time with the baby. I would suggest that your MIL not even know when you head to the hospital and you should not notify here of the birth until you've had your time to bond, the next day is soon enough.

Westypet · March 2015

mellymar said:

katyertl said:
Why the flying f*@$ does she think she can get away with this?this is exactly why the couple should be the only ones in the room for delivery. It's your time as a couple. I would never share that moment with anyone else but my husband. And to think another person feels like it's their right to hold MY child first is freakin delusional. Oh my god no post ever pissed me off as much as this one. I'm so sorry you have to deal with that crap
Yup

This.

Is this a real post? It's so hard to believe!

mrsCrystalPerez · March 2015

I think you should def hold your child first. Its so important to bond with your baby after birth. I wonder if your MIL meant for her to be the first of the family to hold the baby after you and your boyfriend got to bond and relax a little. Just a thought!

virginiaunicorn11 · March 2015

I wonder if OP is a young mom dealing with an unexpected pregnancy? If so, I hope you have a good support team that will help you stand up to this crazy lady, because it sounds like she will keep trying to interfere until someone puts her in her place. That should ideally be your BF, but if you're young, that may be hard. Hopefully you have parents or some other type of support system who can step in for you.
And if I'm misreading the situation, have your BF stand up for you. This is crazy talk. MIL should not be in the delivery room if this is an indicator of how she is.

auburnmamma · March 2015

DH held DS first because I had a CSection. However, he immediately brought him over to me and held him as close to me as possible while I was stitched up.

Penwater1 · March 2015

You must hold the baby first and for a while. Skin to skin is so important for you and the baby. Insist now or this will be only the tip of the iceberg.

ksimo6 · March 2015

Why is she in the delivery room? Kick her out. Problems solved.

ElRuby · March 2015

The nurses can actually ask her to leave if you can't do it yourself.

beinfamous · March 2015

You should be doing skin-to-skin right after birth for at least an hour, so you will be holding baby first. Tell her to back off! As a nurse I hate when family members try to do this shit.

Arailah · March 2015

I am really hoping that your boyfriend's mom means that she would like to be the first to hold the baby after you and your boyfriend. Like, it's just understood that you guys get to dote on baby first but she would like to be the next in line.

If she truly believes she is entitled to the first hold, then I would just ignore her and let the doctors know to put baby on your chest first. That's typically what is done. They did that to me for both my girls.

KarasTwin · March 2015

Agree with all the skin to skin comments. At our birthing class the nurse said if for any reason mommy is unable to do the skin to skin, daddy needs to. When my sister had her baby only she and her husband were in the room and the hospital rules stated that they got an hour before anyone else could come in. That gave them time to bond and time for her to eat. I understand your concern, though, DH has a huge family and all live nearby. I know they plan to be at the hospital which I'm totally ok with but the minute anyone claims any right to anything, they are out. When one of my friends had her 1st son her MIL got hold of him and would not let go
She wouldn't let her own husband hold him. My friend was so tired and her husband is so soft spoken she just got away with it. I can guarantee you that I won't allow anyone to pull that crap. Find out what your hospital's rules are and ask the nurses and doctors to help enforce your wishes.

karaelaine1991 · March 2015

Question about skin-to-skin... I'd love to do it and fully intend to but I also want my DH to have the opportunity to hold DD right away. As @rrcameron21 said, I think it would be really lovely for him to be able to hold her first since I've been able to "hold" her, so to speak, for the 40 weeks of her existence prior to her birth. What are your opinions on letting DH hold her for the first 15 minutes of skin-to-skin and then me holding her for the rest of the hour? We would certainly adjust the timing as needed if she showed signs of wanting to latch.

rsalata · March 2015

Its crazy to me that she would have even said that to me. I want to hold him asap. Hopefully no complications come between that. He's healthy so far and very active. I can't wait to be able to hold him and I'm planning on breast feeding. thanks for all the feedback.

KaLikeAWind · March 2015

karaelaine1991 said:
Question about skin-to-skin... I'd love to do it and fully intend to but I also want my DH to have the opportunity to hold DD right away. As @rrcameron21 said, I think it would be really lovely for him to be able to hold her first since I've been able to "hold" her, so to speak, for the 40 weeks of her existence prior to her birth. What are your opinions on letting DH hold her for the first 15 minutes of skin-to-skin and then me holding her for the rest of the hour? We would certainly adjust the timing as needed if she showed signs of wanting to latch.

Yes I've been wondering this, too. Hubs was always the one to want children more than I did so its going to be a hugely fulfilling moment him. But I also read in the bfing book I am reading that in that first hour baby responds so much so being close to mom - our scent, our voice, etc... But I really want hubs to be able to hold ewok.

KonaCoffeeBean · March 2015

mellymar said:

karaelaine1991 said:
Question about skin-to-skin... I'd love to do it and fully intend to but I also want my DH to have the opportunity to hold DD right away. As @rrcameron21 said, I think it would be really lovely for him to be able to hold her first since I've been able to "hold" her, so to speak, for the 40 weeks of her existence prior to her birth. What are your opinions on letting DH hold her for the first 15 minutes of skin-to-skin and then me holding her for the rest of the hour? We would certainly adjust the timing as needed if she showed signs of wanting to latch.
Yes I've been wondering this, too. Hubs was always the one to want children more than I did so its going to be a hugely fulfilling moment him. But I also read in the bfing book I am reading that in that first hour baby responds so much so being close to mom - our scent, our voice, etc... But I really want hubs to be able to hold ewok.

Yeah, I want to hold the baby first, but I also think giving dad the honors is a totally valid, and still healthy, decision. The PP that that said the mom "must" hold the baby first stuck me a a lot like statements that moms "must" breastfeed. There are benefits of course, we all know about the benefits, but unless dad immediately drops the baby on its head, I don't think there's any harm done.

Frogger5 · March 2015

mellymar said:

karaelaine1991 said:
Question about skin-to-skin... I'd love to do it and fully intend to but I also want my DH to have the opportunity to hold DD right away. As @rrcameron21 said, I think it would be really lovely for him to be able to hold her first since I've been able to "hold" her, so to speak, for the 40 weeks of her existence prior to her birth. What are your opinions on letting DH hold her for the first 15 minutes of skin-to-skin and then me holding her for the rest of the hour? We would certainly adjust the timing as needed if she showed signs of wanting to latch.
Yes I've been wondering this, too. Hubs was always the one to want children more than I did so its going to be a hugely fulfilling moment him. But I also read in the bfing book I am reading that in that first hour baby responds so much so being close to mom - our scent, our voice, etc... But I really want hubs to be able to hold ewok.

Your SOs can touch the baby and be right there, and there will be LOTS of time for holding the baby in the first few hours and days, just maybe not immediately. I don't know much about the benefits of it, but I think we'll learn about it at our birth class, and I'll ask questions then. Or I'll ask the doc if we still have questions. I just really want the optimum circumstances for BFing, so if that factors in and has any chance of going more smoothly because of the first hour or two of me with the baby, my H will just have to wait!

RondaRassat · March 2015

i feel that the mother should be the first to hold her child, theres a bond thats between the two of you, almost an animal-like instinct. i mean think about it...if anything let your sons dad be the first.

Serenamarr · March 2015

Benefits of skin to skin aren't just for baby. Having baby on your chest stimulates oxytocin production, which along with the kneading motion of their knees against your belly both cause the uterus to continue contracting and push the placenta out efficiently, lessening the likelihood that you will need Pitocin to complete the third stage of labor.

mandybacken · March 2015

So why does the boyfriends mom even need to know that you're in labor? This helps me decide that I'm not calling anyone except the babysitter for my older girls. People can come the next day.

katyertl · March 2015

We told our parents we would give them a warning by calling/ texting when I was in labor at the hospital but then would call when we were ready for them to actually come.
Everyone is super understanding even if they don't want to wait that long.
What made me laugh was my dads response
" the kids gonna be on your boob plus things will be coming out of you that I don't want to see" lol glad he gets it

karaelaine1991 · March 2015

Serenamarr said:
Benefits of skin to skin aren't just for baby. Having baby on your chest stimulates oxytocin production, which along with the kneading motion of their knees against your belly both cause the uterus to continue contracting and push the placenta out efficiently, lessening the likelihood that you will need Pitocin to complete the third stage of labor.

Thanks for sharing this info! All of the reasons I had heard for skin-to-skin being baby/mom centered exclusively on breastfeeding benefits and the bond that forms... I just can't imagine that letting DH hold her first for a short period of time would really make that much of a difference in the long run. The information about the importance of it to labor is much more compelling, in my opinion!

enigmaticjj · March 2015

The talk about how quickly for mom to hold the baby reminds me of something the nurse teaching a parenting class I recently took told us about. She wanted everyone to just be aware that whatever our plans are, if the situation changes and you're not able to hold the baby right away (like some medical issue for you, etc)...try not to worry too much about that missed immediate bonding, because the baby will still be able to bond with you later. So its not like there's only that one window of time for baby to be able to bond. I thought that was a good thing to keep in mind just in case things don't turn out the way we plan.

Which also reminds me, another very helpful word of caution she gave, is try not to be too rigid with your birth plan (if you have one), because if it doesn't go as planned, and you're not prepared to take things in stride, it can put you in a more vulnerable state for postpartum depression.

laurendutch · March 2015

Another thing...you will most likely be doing skin to skin when you are delivering the placenta and the Dr is cleaning you up.

sschwege · March 2015

RondaRassat said:
i feel that the mother should be the first to hold her child, theres a bond thats between the two of you, almost an animal-like instinct. i mean think about it...if anything let your sons dad be the first.

I was telling DH about this post and said that even if I intended to let him or someone else hold the baby first, instinct would have just taken over and I would have grabbed our babies and pulled them to my chest. At least for me, when our first two were born, I didn't even think, as they were pulling DD & DS out I just reached for them and held them close.

rsalata · April 2015

I cannot wait! I'm so excited. Its going to be painful as hell but as soon as I see him and hold him all the pain will disappear.

AWarford · April 2015

I'm sure this has been addressed already but the unit I work on, all babies do skin to skin if medically able. Immediately after delivery we place baby on mom's chest and clean him/her off in the process. We usually keep baby on mom's chest for the first hour until meds/assessment are due. This is your baby! If one of my patients told me your situation, as their nurse I would be the "bad guy" for them. If you tell your nurse that you want to be the first to hold your baby, they can and will make it happen as long as there are no other issues. For example, they could ask everyone but dad to step out for a moment while they get you cleaned up or say that it's their policy that people step out to give you some time and that they can come back in a few minutes whenever you are ready, etc! Don't let anyone ruin this moment for you. This will be one of the best moments of your life!

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