Tacky to have a baby shower for your third?!?

thelittlestbee · January 2015

Trampslikeus said:

Funny and telling that the only people who don't find it tacky are the people who are having 2nd, 3rd, 4th showers for themselves too. And sad that the rationale is always "well I don't have enough baby stuff!" .... Yeahhhhh that's not why you have friends and family, to buy you shit. And your baby girl will give approximately ZERO fucks if her crib sheets are blue.

Lies! The baby will totally grow a penis if she sleeps in blue crib sheets!

amradio · January 2015

My fiancée comes from a family that has a blast giving gifts and going over the top for birthdays and Christmas. They express love with thoughtful gifts, both expensive and not. My family is much more low-key and conservative. I'm pregnant with my second child, but it's his first, and the first grandchild and great-grandchild on that side as well. My son will be nine when this baby comes and my fiancées family loves him like their own. When my future mil asked if she could throw us a shower I didn't hesitate to say yes. It IS an opportunity to celebrate the growing family. It's as much for my fiancée as it is for his parents and grandparents. I don't care about gifts, but we would appreciate help getting prepared for a new LO as everyone knows it can be expensive, no matter how down to earth you are. We don't all have the luxury of ample attic space or storage units. If someone else has offered to have a shower for you, do what you want. Your friends and family won't "side-eye" you for being gift-grabby when they know you're just joyous for your new baby and want to be around loved ones.

ksimo6 · January 2015

100% tacky.

ajgerber · January 2015

My answer will keep changing the more this is asked.

Today's answer is totally tacky.

staciecoffey · January 2015

I feel like there is a book of baby shower etiquette that I need to read...

Serious question though, what if your family has a baby shower and works throws you a separate one...is that tacky?

staciecoffey · January 2015

missk0411 said:

scoffey0615 said:

I feel like there is a book of baby shower etiquette that I need to read...

Serious question though, what if your family has a baby shower and works throws you a separate one...is that tacky?

Not tacky, unless you are inviting the same people to both.

Good to know!

megron · January 2015

scoffey0615 said:
I feel like there is a book of baby shower etiquette that I need to read...

Serious question though, what if your family has a baby shower and works throws you a separate one...is that tacky?

I don't think so. BD's work is throwing us a baby shower, it's going to be a lot of people we totally dig but probably wouldn't be on the invite list for the one MIL is throwing, and they definitely are not going to drive to the one my family is having Indiana. That being said, they always throw baby showers for employees and it's the normal thing at his office.

mamahawk12 · January 2015

Someone explain to me... if you are even remotely considering having another child... WHY would you get rid of baby things?? And even if you're dumb enough to do that, why would you ever in a million years think it's acceptable to expect another shower?

Unless your husbands vasectomy miraculously grew back together 10 years later or you "inherit" a child through a family loss/tragedy... you don't get another shower. END OF STORY, FOLKS.

staciecoffey · January 2015

Another serious thought/question, if it is your second child and someone insists on throwing you a shower despite your best efforts to deter them, is it still tacky?

-AND-

Is it tacky if your mother and MIL throw the shower for you because you don't have friends that are throwing you one?

I think I would have a hard time telling someone I'd rather not have a shower for the second baby.

evsgirl61510 · January 2015

My gosh! Some of you ladies need to think about the word tacky. Then look at your comments. Now that is tacky.

girlymama79 · January 2015

I got rid of 99% of my baby stuff because we were told we couldn't have anymore (unless we did ivf). So now I'm buying it all again. Even if someone did offer to throw me a shower I would decline. It's completely tacky to have one for more than your first baby.

girlymama79 · January 2015

scoffey0615 said:
Another serious thought/question, if it is your second child and someone insists on throwing you a shower despite your best efforts to deter them, is it still tacky?

-AND-

Is it tacky if your mother and MIL throw the shower for you because you don't have friends that are throwing you one?

I think I would have a hard time telling someone I'd rather not have a shower for the second baby.

I think so. Unless they do a surprise shower most people ask if they can throw you one. I have read that some people think it's ok for the MIL to throw one but not the mother.

staciecoffey · January 2015

Well I'll just have to be a little tacky because all my momma has talked about is how much fun it'll be to throw a shower since I told her we were expecting. It definitely makes me realize how much I am truly lacking in the friends department though.

MrsShattles78 · January 2015

desn said:
No way. I'm having one for my fourth. We are buying most of the big stuff ourselves, but this one is a boy and my youngest (5) is a girl. I had one for all of my other kids as well. If people think it is tacky they can stay home and miss all the fun.

Amen, #4 for me too sister! This is a second marriage for me, and my husband is over the moon excited for our first child! If someone don't like it, don't come. Presents or not, it's a celebration of life!

thelittlestbee · January 2015

evsgirl61510 said:

My gosh! Some of you ladies need to think about the word tacky. Then look at your comments. Now that is tacky.

TRUTH =/= TACKY

megron · January 2015

scoffey0615 said:
Well I'll just have to be a little tacky because all my momma has talked about is how much fun it'll be to throw a shower since I told her we were expecting. It definitely makes me realize how much I am truly lacking in the friends department though.

My MIL and SIL are throwing mine down here. Short of that I wouldn't have one because I haven't lived here long at all. They're so excited about it I'd never tell them no, tacky or not.

staciecoffey · January 2015

megron said:

scoffey0615 said:
Well I'll just have to be a little tacky because all my momma has talked about is how much fun it'll be to throw a shower since I told her we were expecting. It definitely makes me realize how much I am truly lacking in the friends department though.
My MIL and SIL are throwing mine down here. Short of that I wouldn't have one because I haven't lived here long at all. They're so excited about it I'd never tell them no, tacky or not.

That's where I'm at, I'm pretty sure it would crush her and I can't do that to her.

mathistm · January 2015

I may get flamed for this but why is it tacky for your mom or MIL to throw your shower? I would think they would be some of the best people to welcome you to motherhood.

thelittlestbee · January 2015

mathistm said:

I may get flamed for this but why is it tacky for your mom or MIL to throw your shower? I would think they would be some of the best people to welcome you to motherhood.

I don't think it's tacky for either grandma to host a shower at all. They're the people that are probably going to be the most willing to incur that kind of expense. I would feel terrible if someone else spent that kind of money on a party for me.

girlymama79 · January 2015

thelittlestbee said:

mathistm said:

I may get flamed for this but why is it tacky for your mom or MIL to throw your shower? I would think they would be some of the best people to welcome you to motherhood.

I don't think it's tacky for either grandma to host a shower at all. They're the people that are probably going to be the most willing to incur that kind of expense. I would feel terrible if someone else spent that kind of money on a party for me.

----quote fail----

It's mostly an old fashioned rule. Older generations give it a major side eye. It's quickly becoming a thing of the past.

lilitaliangirl · January 2015

scoffey0615 said:

Another serious thought/question, if it is your second child and someone insists on throwing you a shower despite your best efforts to deter them, is it still tacky? -AND- Is it tacky if your mother and MIL throw the shower for you because you don't have friends that are throwing you one? I think I would have a hard time telling someone I'd rather not have a shower for the second baby.

IMO - I think if someone else throws you a shower, then you should not be "penalized" with the term tacky. I'm not going to lie, I was just invited to a baby shower for someone who has a DD that just turned two and is having another girl in the spring - I think it's a bit odd, but she's not throwing it herself, so whatever (I'll probably just bring diapers, wipes, etc.)

I don't see anything wrong with a mother or MIL throwing a shower if you have no one else to do so. I agree, I would have a hard time telling someone they can't throw a shower.

I think for the best kind of party for 2nd, 3rd, etc. baby is a diaper party. No games, or cheesy shower stuff. Just friends, food and diapers. And, this can easily be done as a couples deal.

thelittlestbee · January 2015

girlymama79 said:

mathistm said:

I may get flamed for this but why is it tacky for your mom or MIL to throw your shower? I would think they would be some of the best people to welcome you to motherhood.

I don't think it's tacky for either grandma to host a shower at all. They're the people that are probably going to be the most willing to incur that kind of expense. I would feel terrible if someone else spent that kind of money on a party for me.
----quote fail---- It's mostly an old fashioned rule. Older generations give it a major side eye. It's quickly becoming a thing of the past.

Right. I think it's something to do with the mom is not supposed to ask for gifts for her daughter (because back then the daughters were still at home until marriage) kind of thing, if I recall correctly.

ajgerber · January 2015

scoffey0615 said:

Another serious thought/question, if it is your second child and someone insists on throwing you a shower despite your best efforts to deter them, is it still tacky? -AND- Is it tacky if your mother and MIL throw the shower for you because you don't have friends that are throwing you one? I think I would have a hard time telling someone I'd rather not have a shower for the second baby.

I say it depends on your friends and family. If second showers are routine, it's probably ok to accept and you won't get judged. But I would keep it small and only close friends and family.

I also think it depends on your registry. If you just need basic stuff like bottles and blankets, it's not a big deal to me. It's the whole "I'm having a different gender and want new everything" or "I gave my stuff away so I need all new". That doesn't make sense. I can't imagine asking for new large ticket items again. That is what makes it tacky to me.

I would try not to include MIL or mother. Usually our showers have multiple hostesses so a MIL may be included but not the only one throwing the shower.

effthisnoise · January 2015

To answer multiple PPs, a mother hosting a shower for her daughter comes off as inappropriate to some people because it's like, "Come to this party at my house and bring gifts for my daughter!" It's one step away from hosting the shower yourself. This has fallen away over the years, though, and people don't tend to side-eye a MIL throwing a shower for her DIL just because it isn't her daughter. If there's no one else to throw a shower, I don't see a problem in the mom-to-be's mother hosting.

Also, @scoffey0615, multiple showers for a first baby aren't a problem as long as guests aren't invited to more than once, as a PP said. I'm probably going to have a shower at work, in my husband's hometown, and where we live now. I don't think the posters have a problem with multiple showers; we see a problem with having showers for multiple children. Don't buy everything in pink ruffles and then expect people to buy you it all again in blue because you're having a boy.

megron · January 2015

evsgirl61510 said:
so I'm due with my third and final baby in June and this one is a baby girl. My older two are boys. I had showers for both boys but they are five years apart so I didn't really have any baby things by the time my second son came. This time my youngest son and her will be almost two years apart. But all I have are boy things! So would it be tacky if I had a shower for this baby too?

Obviously you already know this is pretty sketch or you wouldn't have felt the need to ask the question. Did you think everyone was going to

effthisnoise said:
To answer multiple PPs, a mother hosting a shower for her daughter comes off as inappropriate to some people because it's like, "Come to this party at my house and bring gifts for my daughter!" It's one step away from hosting the shower yourself. This has fallen away over the years, though, and people don't tend to side-eye a MIL throwing a shower for her DIL just because it isn't her daughter. If there's no one else to throw a shower, I don't see a problem in the mom-to-be's mother hosting.
Also, @scoffey0615, multiple showers for a first baby aren't a problem as long as guests aren't invited to more than once, as a PP said. I'm probably going to have a shower at work, in my husband's hometown, and where we live now. I don't think the posters have a problem with multiple showers; we see a problem with having showers for multiple children. Don't buy everything in pink ruffles and then expect people to buy you it all again in blue because you're having a boy.

But if people don't buy all new stuff for a boy after someone has had a girl as their first- if the boy touches any of the girl stuff his penis will fall off or he'll be gay!

ktbear9512 · January 2015

Yes, tacky

devyns2nd · January 2015

It depends on your family and where you are from. I have a small family and live in a very small town in southern ky. You couldn't talk my granny out of throwing me a shower.

atj13ne · January 2015

I think opinions are like assholes...and u know the rest....so if u feel that it is not tacky...go right ahead and do what makes u happy. If ur having some reservations about it, then maybe dont.

CateOfChicago · January 2015

I think the family not throwing the shower is a regional thing. It is very common in the chicago area for the family to throw the shower. They are so expensive. I can't imagine a friend have to pay for it. A 2nd shower is a common sense thing-no!

disney815 · January 2015

I personally don't really care either way, but I was thrown a "sprinkle" for my second, and it was a girl and my first was a boy, and I BEGGED my friends to not throw me one. I was so uncomfortable, but they insisted, and basically said they were going to wether I showed up or not. This time around, A friend who missed my other two wants to throw me one but I downright said hell no. I've been to others and I don't care. It's really up to the mom to be. If people don't like it, they won't go. I don't know if tacky is the right word, but I just don't feel comfortable with it personally.

maddibayer · January 2015

Question: what if you never had a baby shower for your previous two and now nine years later your new step mother insists on throwing you one because it's her first grandchild? I do have two children but one is almost a teen and daughter is medically dependent so we have a medical bed for her. We will be buying most of the stuff ourself but my step mother insists and even says that she is buying the crib. Should I decline or accept to not hurt her feelings. I am worried about being "side-eyed" because I already have two kids...

laurendutch · January 2015

So it has become a thing at my Mom's work to throw a Grandma shower (insert major eye roll). She works in an office of all older women that are becoming Grandmas...

FloGirl82 · January 2015

laurendutch said:

So it has become a thing at my Mom's work to throw a Grandma shower (insert major eye roll). She works in an office of all older women that are becoming Grandmas...

What the hell is a Grandma shower? I'm curious what that entails....

laurendutch · January 2015

FloGirl82 said:

laurendutch said:

So it has become a thing at my Mom's work to throw a Grandma shower (insert major eye roll). She works in an office of all older women that are becoming Grandmas...

What the hell is a Grandma shower? I'm curious what that entails....

I've never been to it...but I think they give each other stuff for Grandma to have at her house. Like a play n pack, bottles, clothes...it's so ridiculous.

FloGirl82 · January 2015

laurendutch said:

laurendutch said:

So it has become a thing at my Mom's work to throw a Grandma shower (insert major eye roll). She works in an office of all older women that are becoming Grandmas...

What the hell is a Grandma shower? I'm curious what that entails....
I've never been to it...but I think they give each other stuff for Grandma to have at her house. Like a play n pack, bottles, clothes...it's so ridiculous.

Wow...yeah, that seems pretty unnecessary/ridiculous. I wonder if in my old age when I become a grandmother, that will have caught on as a thing. Ugh.

ooopswediditagain · January 2015

No not at all. My friends are insisting on throwing me a Sprinkle for my baby girl as she was unexpected and we'd gotten rid of everything else. Everyone in our group is done having kids and they are so excited to throw it. I said no a dozen times but they insist. I just would make it more of a sprinkle than a shower.

gracieloohoo · January 2015

Ive never heard of one shower and thats all she wrote. I had a shower with my first DD. Talked everyone out of a shower for 2nd DD. I did try talking them out of one for this one but its still on. However my youngest is already 8. If someone is going to give you the side eye over a second shower they shouldnt be invited anyways. Friends dont care about those things and if they did they are not your friends.

jmkelly18 · January 2015

I hope not! I'm would like one and this is my 3rd. Not a full on shower but a sprinkle to celebrate this new LO with family and friends. Any excuse to celebrate babies

Knottie64157109 · January 2015

I have an 11 year gap between my daughter and my newest daughter coming in June. I say yes, tacky. I am not having one because as a second time mom and a person who gets invited to a lot of showers I don't want to put the extra strain on my friends and family. However, once baby is out if they want to swing a dinner by I will gladly take it.

Ana0927 · January 2015

shawnaNichloe said:
Not when you got rid of EVERYTHING! ! I hate clutter so if my child out grew it it was out the door! Now I have to start from scratch and my in laws have already volunteered To give me one. It's not like your asking them to buy the entire nursery I am buying all the big stuff!! Go ahead and do it it's too much fun to pass up!

I got rid of everything thinking I was done. Now that I am having #3, we will just get the stuff ourselves. There is no reason to throw me a shower because I was an idiot and got rid of everything.

Edited because words are hard

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