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June 2015 Moms
Admitted to the hospital-. Last update page 16 (or something like that)
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Admitted to the hospital-. Last update page 16 (or something like that)
Mom to P (12/7/10) Step-Mom-to-be to H (05/29/13)
BFP 10/13/14 TWINS! 20 week loss of both twins, Scott Feivel and Miles Conrad
BFP 06/19/2015 16 week loss, Penny June
2015 Working with RI; Diagnosed with thrombopheiia and celiacs
BFP 03/12/16 TWINS AGAIN! PLEASE BE OUR RAINBOWS
So glad you have some positive news to boost your spirits. Keep it up little dudes!
Good work @GirPipley & babies!!!
BFP#2: 10/4/14 EDD: 6/7/15 DD born 6/4/15💕
BFP#3: 12/24/19 EDD: 9/6/20
J15 January Siggy Challenge: Pinterest Fails
Married: 12/08/12
BFP: 09/21/14
EDD: 06/04/15
~*~ book nerd forever | Tar Heel '07 ~*~
My bleeding has been increasing the past two days, so I'm not loving that. It also took almost an hour to find Scott this morning with the Doppler, and we never were able to get them both at the same time, so I'm a little uneasy about that. I might ask for them to do a quick bedside sono later, just to make sure they are good. I have been able to get them on my home Doppler since 11 weeks, very quickly.
The resident who I saw this morning said my scan looked better yesterday. There is less blood in my uterus now than there was on Friday, so they were able to see that the abruption is smaller than they originally assumed. But then she also said it is really hard to see abruptions on scans, so they can't be too sure. Confusing. Any sono techs out there??!??!?
I'm slightly freaking out about the increase in bleeding, the doctors keep telling me "that's why you're here with us right now" that scares me too.
My favorite MFM poked her head in during the doppler crisis, and said she'd be back later to chat.
End of update - start of meltdow/blog post-
I'm having a little "average pregnancy envy" today. I feel bad for feeling this way, but I just wish I could have an easy time here.
My XH and I tried for 2 years to have another child. We went through all the extremely invasive IF testing after a year, only to find out, 18 months in, he had ZERO sperm left, and we were basically wasting our time for 18 months. We, stupidly, held up our divorce to finish testing and try a biopsy sperm retrieval, which failed. I hate that I let "give me baby brain" take over and continued to go through that shit with someone who I legitimately can not tolerate.
R's XW needed assistance getting pregnant, so they did the whole year wait, and then eventually IVF to have their daughter.
We talked about infertility and future children on our first date. We both wanted more kids ASAP, and both agreed there would NOT be a year wait if we had trouble. Since we both had been through testing, we knew we *shouldn't* have issues.
We found out we were pregnant 9DPO, month one and I literally fell to my knees and thanked God for not making me wait any longer.
I had bleeding around 5 weeks, went for a sono, and we found out it was twins. I was so excited. I kept telling myself, this was how it was supposed to happen. This is why me and XH couldn't get pregnant again. It was planned this way all along. I thanked God for unanswered prayers from when I had begged for success with XH.
Now I am 17 weeks pregnant with these little boys, and I am so scared I am going to lose them any day now. This pregnancy got hard in week 8, when I had my first big bleed. I obviously want my boys to be healthy, and I desperately want to be able to hold LIVING babies, But I am so over this fucking shitty pregnancy. I feel like I've been through enough, and it's time to just have it easy, but then I feel like a piece of shit for thinking like that. There are so many women going through so much worse, and I should feel lucky to have just one living child, but this shit is so hard.
And, nurse just did my vitals and my fucking heart rate is 129, so now they have to do a whole bunch of other shit. Fuck.
I'm sorry for being incentive.
Mom to P (12/7/10) Step-Mom-to-be to H (05/29/13)
BFP 10/13/14 TWINS! 20 week loss of both twins, Scott Feivel and Miles Conrad
BFP 06/19/2015 16 week loss, Penny June
2015 Working with RI; Diagnosed with thrombopheiia and celiacs
BFP 03/12/16 TWINS AGAIN! PLEASE BE OUR RAINBOWS
I'm sorry you're having a worrisome day and hope have a good sono at some point today. Keep us posted, we're still sending all three of you good thoughts and prayers every day.
J15 January Siggy Challenge: Pinterest Fails
Married: 12/08/12
BFP: 09/21/14
EDD: 06/04/15
~*~ book nerd forever | Tar Heel '07 ~*~
FET to TTC #2: 9/29/14 Beta on 10/8/14 = BFP!
DS #1 Born 1/3/11 after IVF #1
4 failed IUIs, including 1 CP
PCOS
TTC since 2008
Pinterest Fails
I'm in the process of copy and pasting all my updates into word, so I can eventually turn them into a blog/journal of sorts. I don't want to lose them when I go down in flames.
Mom to P (12/7/10) Step-Mom-to-be to H (05/29/13)
BFP 10/13/14 TWINS! 20 week loss of both twins, Scott Feivel and Miles Conrad
BFP 06/19/2015 16 week loss, Penny June
2015 Working with RI; Diagnosed with thrombopheiia and celiacs
BFP 03/12/16 TWINS AGAIN! PLEASE BE OUR RAINBOWS
I'm there. I set up an account last week, but didn't stay active. I'll be over in a hot one.
Mom to P (12/7/10) Step-Mom-to-be to H (05/29/13)
BFP 10/13/14 TWINS! 20 week loss of both twins, Scott Feivel and Miles Conrad
BFP 06/19/2015 16 week loss, Penny June
2015 Working with RI; Diagnosed with thrombopheiia and celiacs
BFP 03/12/16 TWINS AGAIN! PLEASE BE OUR RAINBOWS
You deserve a average pregnAncy! I'm sorry you haven't been able to catch a break, it's NOT fair.
Hoping your little fighters keep working hard!
Also, glad you will be making a blog! Your story is definitely one to share. I've found Various blogs relating to pregnancy and struggles so helpful, and what kept me sane at times.
Don't ever apologize for your feelings. I had a long talk with my friend the other day about this. She showed me some preachy blog post about how we waste too much energy not celebrating the accomplishments of others. Bullshit. There is nothing wrong with feeling sad, jealous, angry, or the hundred and one other emotions you probably feel right now. Life is unfair. There's no two ways about it. And one of the ways we deal with the unfairness, the thing that allows us to get up day after day, is being able to acknowledge that. So be envious. Be angry that things can't be easier for you. No one should have to deal with what you're dealing with, but you are. And you are allowed to be upset about it.
((HUGS)) - and just so you know how creepy I am - it's not just me rooting for you from this side of the screen, my husband asks for updates on you and the boys too.
Here's some word vomit for you all, if you need a distraction.
Im having a really fucking shitty day, and now the ONE place that I feel I can come to on said days is imploding. I feel like my childhood home is on fire. I fucking hate what TB has done.
When I first got here, the first thing they told us was what to expect when I delivered. The babies wouldn't cry, their eyes wouldn't be open, they would most likely die with in minutes. They would be so small. It was horrid to have to hear it, but I also needed to be prepared for it. This was Friday night.
Today, My sister was here and told me about her friend that went into labor yesterday, at 36 weeks and had a 5lb baby. She kept reiterating "a 5 lb baby!" She kept talking about how tiny a 5lb baby must be, and how scared and panicked she was for her friend. (The baby is fine, no NICU time, going home tomorrow). She's so scared for her friend while her own sister is sitting here, potentially delivering dead babies who weigh less than half a pound and are smaller than my hands.
I was so angry at her for telling me about it, and not understanding how insensitive it was. I wanted to put my hands over my ears and scream so I couldn't hear her. I would give anything to have a 5lb, 36 week baby. Anything!
Then I immediately started to feel guilty for feeling so angry. My situation does not mean that having a 5lb baby isn't scary. It doesn't mean her friend doesn't need support or prayers or reassurance. I fell horrible.
Also- yesterday at my scan, the tech didn't give me any pictures. She didn't take a peak at their sex. She didn't talk to me. She just did he scan and told me A's fluid levels. The lady next to me was getting pictures and the tech was confirming the sex of her baby, they were talking and laughing. She was also under 20 weeks. I really just wanted to know that Miles was okay, but then when I got back to my room, I felt sad bc I didn't get any pictures. What if that was the last time I will see them alive? What if I go into labor tonight, and they die before I can get pictures of them. What if they were wrong about the sex last week, and I'll find out while holding my dead baby. How awful to find out that way.
Today really fucking sucks. I just want Robert to be home so I'm not alone. He texted me earlier that his dinner tonight is at the fucking San Diego Zoo. It took everything I have not to be angry at him. It's not his fault he had a work trip this week, and of course he should enjoy the after hours activies that are scheduled, but it feels like shit that he is having dinner at the SD zoo, and I am stuck, scared, alone, in a hospital. I fucking hate today.
Mom to P (12/7/10) Step-Mom-to-be to H (05/29/13)
BFP 10/13/14 TWINS! 20 week loss of both twins, Scott Feivel and Miles Conrad
BFP 06/19/2015 16 week loss, Penny June
2015 Working with RI; Diagnosed with thrombopheiia and celiacs
BFP 03/12/16 TWINS AGAIN! PLEASE BE OUR RAINBOWS
What's yours
Mom to P (12/7/10) Step-Mom-to-be to H (05/29/13)
BFP 10/13/14 TWINS! 20 week loss of both twins, Scott Feivel and Miles Conrad
BFP 06/19/2015 16 week loss, Penny June
2015 Working with RI; Diagnosed with thrombopheiia and celiacs
BFP 03/12/16 TWINS AGAIN! PLEASE BE OUR RAINBOWS
Mom to P (12/7/10) Step-Mom-to-be to H (05/29/13)
BFP 10/13/14 TWINS! 20 week loss of both twins, Scott Feivel and Miles Conrad
BFP 06/19/2015 16 week loss, Penny June
2015 Working with RI; Diagnosed with thrombopheiia and celiacs
BFP 03/12/16 TWINS AGAIN! PLEASE BE OUR RAINBOWS