WWYD - Writing Therapy group with people who haven't experienced baby loss.....

healz413 · January 2015

-----------SIGGIE WARNING ---------
This is @Manada, I accidently posted under Healz' account from her computer, and forgot that she has a different siggie than me with our newer beta numbers in it.    My apologies for both the mistake in posting under a wrong name, as well as initially posting without the warning.... My apologies....

space for people who need it to back out of this thread.....

again I'm really sorry.....
_______________________________

I'm looking for WWYDs in this case -- I'm weighing the pros/cons for myself on this one, but haven't decided if it's for me, or if I should just risk it and see if my reservations are unfounded, or if I should take more time.

We lost our girls on June 18 - for those of you who can't see my siggie.   So we are coming up on 7 months post-loss.   In the name of trying out something besides support groups and individual therapy, I found a therapeutic writing group in my city and have been through the steps to sign up for it, but I'm not sure it's for me yet.... or that I feel comfortable going.

Here's the details -- I'm interested to get your ideas:
- The group is run by an MD who does psychotherapy and some life-coaching type stuff on the side.   I looked into her an she is affiliated with a couple of organizations I have been interested in, so I trust she comes from a decent place.
- The cost of the group is about $140 for 8 sessions.   Attending it will also cost me the equivalent of 4 vacation days from work.

The group format is:   1/3 of the time Writing about some sort of random prompt (ie. "bagels", or "mittens", or "belief"), then a short break for guided meditation, then 2/3 of the time to "discuss" and share what you've written, and give feedback on how others' writing resonates with you.

Now here is my For and Concerns list so far:

Pro:
- I like to write, and writing often helps me to clarify my thoughts and feelings.
- I like the idea of doing a non-traditional form of therapy.

Concerns:
- I'm not sure I will like the group format. The sharing and discussing part makes me nervous because the group is going to be made up of people with their own experiences (as all groups are), but no one else will have experienced baby loss, and that makes me nervous because I have come to regard perinatal loss groups to be generally safe spaces and I am worried both about the triggers in a group (ie. people talking about their kids or pregnancies), as well as if they may react to my writing/experience by saying things that are just WRONG (like most of the people I meet do).

- I feel like I would have wanted a more focused plan for writing prompts like "This week we write about xyz, and next week we will write about abc..." - I'm not sure why, but that lack of structure feels like a concern to me in terms of meaningfulness.

- The more I think about it, the more the group format worries me in terms of I'm not sure I have the emotional resources to do the "sharing and receiving feedback" part of the circle - both in terms of being vulnerable to other people's thoughts from what I share, and also in terms of being able to be present and support others' in the group.

There isn't really the option to "try it out for a session or two" for this group. The facilitator has made it pretty clear that she is looking for people who will commit to the group so that they can have continuity (understandable).

WWYD in this case?   Give it a go, or bow out?

stefuge · January 2015

I don't think I would do it, but that's just me. At 7 months post-loss I wasn't really at a place where I was ready to commit to things. I struggled with a lot of social anxiety that first year and really avoided large group settings with people I didn't know. Even now, I hesitate. Specifically for the reasons you have said - other people saying potentially hurtful things, possible triggers, etc. But like I said - that's just me! If you're feeling drawn to this, then it may be very rewarding for you.

dadalou · January 2015

I did a writing therapy group at about 4 months. I got a lot out of it, but it was at the stillbirth conference that I went to this summer so there was shared experience with the other people there. I will tell you that I cried the whole time I was writing and I didn't share what I wrote there, but there want time for everyone to share. I later shared it on my blog.

I would probably go. I would be anxious about it, but I would do it anyway because it would probably be good for me and I would end up getting a lot out of it.

ikrystal · January 2015

**ticker warning**

Personally, I would do it. I've read studies that say that these kinds of exercices (writing therapy) helps tremendously, especially under guidance (PM me if you want any other info). However, that doesnt mean that it helps everyone. If you don't feel comfortable with the commitment, you can always try your own writing exercises at home.

CheesyPeas · January 2015

We're at similar timeframes out from our losses, and I personally don't feel like I would be able to do this, at least not yet. I like the idea of it but the sharing and feedback to a group of people likely lacking in loss experience when my writing would presumably be primarily influenced by loss just feels very uncomfortable to me. I won't dismiss the fact that some discomfort can actually be a very good thing to help with healing and growth but I just don't think I would have it in me yet.

Manada · January 2015

Thanks for your feedback everyone.

I am still heavily on the fence about this one. I'm going to really spend some time thinking about it tonight, but it doesn't really help that my manager at work has just started requesting a bunch of staff meetings during the time the group meets. Argh.....

WWYD - Writing Therapy group with people who haven't experienced baby loss.....

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