WWYD - Writing Therapy group with people who haven't experienced baby loss..... — The Bump
Late Term and Child Loss

WWYD - Writing Therapy group with people who haven't experienced baby loss.....

1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers Second Anniversary
edited January 2015 in Late Term and Child Loss
-----------SIGGIE WARNING ---------
This is @Manada, I accidently posted under Healz' account from her computer, and forgot that she has a different siggie than me with our newer beta numbers in it.    My apologies for both the mistake in posting under a wrong name, as well as initially posting without the warning....  My apologies....

space for people who need it to back out of this thread.....

again I'm really sorry.....

I'm looking for WWYDs in this case -- I'm weighing the pros/cons for myself on this one, but haven't decided if it's for me, or if I should just risk it and see if my reservations are unfounded, or if I should take more time.

We lost our girls on June 18 - for those of you who can't see my siggie.   So we are coming up on 7 months post-loss.   In the name of trying out something besides support groups and individual therapy, I found a therapeutic writing group in my city and have been through the steps to sign up for it, but I'm not sure it's for me yet.... or that I feel comfortable going.    

Here's the details -- I'm interested to get your ideas:
- The group is run by an MD who does psychotherapy and some life-coaching type stuff on the side.   I looked into her an she is affiliated with a couple of organizations I have been interested in, so I trust she comes from a decent place.  
- The cost of the group is about $140 for 8 sessions.   Attending it will also cost me the equivalent of 4 vacation days from work.

The group format is:   1/3 of the time Writing about some sort of random prompt (ie. "bagels", or "mittens", or "belief"), then a short break for guided meditation, then 2/3 of the time to "discuss" and share what you've written, and give feedback on how others' writing resonates with you.

Now here is my For and Concerns list so far:

- I like to write, and writing often helps me to clarify my thoughts and feelings.
- I like the idea of doing a non-traditional form of therapy.

- I'm not sure I will like the group format.  The sharing and discussing part makes me nervous because the group is going to be made up of people with their own experiences (as all groups are), but no one else will have experienced baby loss, and that makes me nervous because I have come to regard perinatal loss groups to be generally safe spaces and I am worried both about the triggers in a group (ie. people talking about their kids or pregnancies), as well as if they may react to my writing/experience by saying things that are just WRONG (like most of the people I meet do).

- I feel like I would have wanted a more focused plan for writing prompts like "This week we write about xyz, and next week we will write about abc..." - I'm not sure why, but that lack of structure feels like a concern to me in terms of meaningfulness.

- The more I think about it, the more the group format worries me in terms of I'm not sure I have the emotional resources to do the "sharing and receiving feedback" part of the circle - both in terms of being vulnerable to other people's thoughts from what I share, and also in terms of being able to be present and support others' in the group. 

There isn't really the option to "try it out for a session or two" for this group.  The facilitator has made it pretty clear that she is looking for people who will commit to the group so that they can have continuity (understandable). 

WWYD in this case?   Give it a go, or bow out? 
****loss discussed*****

We're queer. I'm 33, have severe stage 4 endo, and had both fallopian tubes removed. My love ("Manada" on the boards, 32) was diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve. We did Partner IVF (my eggs, her uterus). We lost our twins Tavin and Casey at 21 weeks gestation.

Our IUIs
with @Manada: IUI# 1-7 (December 2012- September 2013) all BFN. Tried natural, femara, clomid, puregon/follistim, clomid and menopur combo, both the ovidrel and HCG triggers.

Our IVFs:
IVF #1 my eggs November/December 2013: Cancelled IVF due to poor response

IVF #2 my eggs/Manada's uterus January/February 2014
BCPs and lupron overlap Stimmed: 1/22-2/2: Bravelle and Menopur (dosage ranged from B300 and M150 to B375 and M150 to B300 and M225)
2/4 retrieved 10 eggs. Endo was much worse than expected. Only 3 eggs fertilized; February 7 transferred two day 3 embryos, froze one. All great condition.
BFP eve of 6dp3dt; Beta 1 (11dp3dt): 110; Beta 2 (13dp3dt): 175; Beta 3 (15dp3dt): 348; Beta 4 (19dp3dt): 2222; Beta 5 (21dp3dt): 4255
1st ultrasound (3/6  6w 1d): TWINS!!!! Twin A measuring 6w1d with a heartbeat of 118bpm. Twin B measuring 6w0d with a heartbeat of 113bpm. 

***July 18, 2014 we lost our beautiful babies at 21 weeks gestation. They were born too early. Tavin Sara T. and Casey Elizabeth T. are beautiful and precious and we will love them and miss them forever.***

FET #1 December 2014
Intralipid infusion on Dec 10. Transfer of 1 day 3 nine-cell embryo into my uterus on Dec. 19. (acupuncture immediately before and after)
BFP on Dec. 27; Beta 1 Jan 2 (14dp3dt): 665, Beta 2 Jan 4 (16dp3dt): 1859, Beta 3 Jan 6 (18dp3dt): 4449, Beta 4 Jan 10 (22dp3dt): 12,251.

  Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Re: WWYD - Writing Therapy group with people who haven't experienced baby loss.....

  • I don't think I would do it, but that's just me. At 7 months post-loss I wasn't really at a place where I was ready to commit to things. I struggled with a lot of social anxiety that first year and really avoided large group settings with people I didn't know. Even now, I hesitate. Specifically for the reasons you have said - other people saying potentially hurtful things, possible triggers, etc. But like I said - that's just me! If you're feeling drawn to this, then it may be very rewarding for you.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Me: 32 DH: 33  High School Sweethearts  Married 5/28/2005
    DS1 born 6/5/10 at 40 weeks via emergency c-section due to fetal distress and IUGR caused by placental insufficiency
    DS2 born still 8/28/13 at 32 weeks via emergency c-section due to a complete placental abruption - cause unknown
    Baby #3 on the way, EDD 2/29/16.  Originally twins, but we said goodbye to Baby B at 8 weeks.
  • I did a writing therapy group at about 4 months. I got a lot out of it, but it was at the stillbirth conference that I went to this summer so there was shared experience with the other people there. I will tell you that I cried the whole time I was writing and I didn't share what I wrote there, but there want time for everyone to share. I later shared it on my blog.

    I would probably go. I would be anxious about it, but I would do it anyway because it would probably be good for me and I would end up getting a lot out of it.
    Abigail Grace 9/7/10
    Nathaniel Willis born sleeping 2/6/14
    Felicity Hope 4/6/15

  • **ticker warning**

    Personally, I would do it.  I've read studies that say that these kinds of exercices (writing therapy) helps tremendously, especially under guidance (PM me if you want any other info).  However, that doesnt mean that it helps everyone.  If you don't feel comfortable with the commitment, you can always try your own writing exercises at home.  
  • We're at similar timeframes out from our losses, and I personally don't feel like I would be able to do this, at least not yet.  I like the idea of it but the sharing and feedback to a group of people likely lacking in loss experience when my writing would presumably be primarily influenced by loss just feels very uncomfortable to me.  I won't dismiss the fact that some discomfort can actually be a very good thing to help with healing and growth but I just don't think I would have it in me yet. 

    November 2010 - 10.5 week loss  o:) 
    October 2011 - DS (7)  <3 
    July 2014 - Stillborn DD (24 weeks)  o:) 
    August 2015 - DD (3)  <3 
    April 2018 - 5 week loss o:) 

  • Thanks for your feedback everyone.

    I am still heavily on the fence about this one.   I'm going to really spend some time thinking about it tonight, but it doesn't really help that my manager at work has just started requesting a bunch of staff meetings during the time the group meets.   Argh.....
    queer couple - 32 (me) & 33 (my love) years old - donor sperm,

    Our IF/TTC journey since Nov 2012.

    Me: dx of DOR in Nov. 2012. Low AMH, AFC - 6, Normal FSH, SS-A (RO) Antibodies (Autoimmune issues), tubes clear, Sono (November 2013) NORMAL! <p>

    7 IUI's - December 2012-September 2013.  Medicated, Injected, Triggered.... all BFN.

    My Love:  (the amazing @Healz413)
    Normal AMH & FSH, AFC ~27, blocked tube dx'd via HSG in 2012.   Hydrosalpinx & ovarian cyst dx'd in May 2013.
    dx of Stage IV Endo & bilateral salpinectomy in June 2013.  


    Partner IVF#1a- December 2013 - H's eggs, my Ute - CANCELLED due to low response
    Partner IVF #1b - February 2014 - H's eggs, my Ute - ER February 4 (10 retrieved, 3 fertilized), Transfer Feb 7 of one Grade 1 and one Grade 2 day 3 embryos.  1 - Day 3, Grade 1 frosty saved.   BFP - 6dp3dt via FRER, Beta #1 - 110, Beta #2 175, Beta #3 - 348, Beta #4 - 2222!, Beta #5 - 4255.  Ultrasound (6w1d) - 2 heartbearts!  

    We lost our beautiful Twin baby girls on June 18, 2014.  Tavin Sara and Casey Elizabeth were born at 21 weeks gestation and were absolutely beautiful, precious, amazing babies.  We miss our daughters every day and love them with all our hearts.


Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards