Newbie/FTM questions?

nedralynn · November 2014

@misskilljoy‌ feeding plans definitely will not change unless for some reason I can't breastfeed this time I've tried explaining to him I'm not taking away his bonding time there are plenty of other opportunities for him with his daughter but he has no one else around to really explain to him that being a breastfeeding dad is like.

RaeChay · November 2014

@nedralynn‌ - FWIW I plan to do a mix of BF'ing and pumping, and taking turns with my husband feeding the baby. That way he gets some bonding time with feeding too (plus I can sleep some nights).

nedralynn · November 2014

@RaeChay‌ thats the plan once I go back to work but want to make sure breastfeeding is going really well for a while before we introduce the bottle.

Side Note... anyone want a toddler?

RaeChay · November 2014

misskilljoy said:

RaeChay said:

@nedralynn‌ - FWIW I plan to do a mix of BF'ing and pumping, and taking turns with my husband feeding the baby. That way he gets some bonding time with feeding too (plus I can sleep some nights).

We may end up doing this, but we were cautioned against this by a lactation consultant for the first little while as it can cause latching problems, apparently. I'm a FTM-to-be so I have no idea how true that is, but we're going to avoid having DH bottle-feed the baby for a while so that the baby has the best chance of getting into a good routine.

QBF----------------

Good info- FTM as well and I hadn't heard about this.

nedralynn · November 2014

@misskilljoy‌ @RaeChay‌ I started pumping with my first one pressured by my mom and after that breastfeeding went down hill so I'm cautious about it this time just make sure you have a good pumping routine I wasn't really sure what I was doing and ended up having to switch to formula when my son was around 6months because I wasn't pumping enough/ my son eats a lot he was 9lb 5oz at birth and has been gaining since

BrainCellSup · November 2014

a+m=dixon said:
STMs who had H in the delivery room, what did you find to be the most helpful thing he did? Back rubs? Just being there, silently? Good distraction? Interested in how others H's gave support as I talk with my H on what I'm interested in.

I'm a FTM also interested in others' experiences on this count. I did find it surprising how comforting it was to have him give me back rubs in our birthing class, so we're definitely going to try that but of course who knows what I'll want once I'm in labor.

bowlwoman · November 2014

a+m=dixon said:

STMs who had H in the delivery room, what did you find to be the most helpful thing he did? Back rubs? Just being there, silently? Good distraction? Interested in how others H's gave support as I talk with my H on what I'm interested in.

When he went to lunch after I got my epidural and I got a nice nap.

He also played DJ and manned the music on my iPod. And generally being there to chat with and take pictures and field phone calls. If I had done birth sans epi, then it would probably have been a whole different story.

allitor12 · November 2014

a+m=dixon said:
STMs who had H in the delivery room, what did you find to be the most helpful thing he did? Back rubs? Just being there, silently? Good distraction? Interested in how others H's gave support as I talk with my H on what I'm interested in.

Talking me down off my ledge

and taking care of texting updates to my mom who lives hours away.

[Deleted User] · November 2014

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lucymcgillicudy1010 · November 2014

I've got two questions: 1) in my infant care class the instructor talked about burping, but I terms of formula: baby drinks 2 oz, then burp him, then let him drink the remaining 2. For breastfeeding, how will I know to burp him? Let him finish one boob? Will I be able to tell that he's done with one boob before burping? 2) I was driving to work the other day and I saw in the car next to me that the dad was driving and the mom was sitting in the backseat with the infant? Is this something we are supposed to do after the baby is born? Is it to just keep an eye on him or something else?

[Deleted User] · November 2014

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pinklepop · November 2014

How does the whole visitor thing work usually? I don't really understand how I should expect to inform family and such. Do I have DH call everyone when I get admitted? Should I expect to have visitors before the pushing part (cuz yeah, they're definitely not allowed during that...)? Would it be totally rude to ask people to not come in right after the baby is born so I can regroup a little first and chill with baby?
DH's family made it seem like they're going to be waiting outside the door and burst in when he's born. I'm a modest and shy kind of girl and feel like after childbirth I'll feel even more vulnerable. I also *know* I'll feel totally insecure if all 95 of them crowd in while I'm laying helpless in bed having just pushed a baby out.
I'm starting to get more anxious about the visitors than my actual childbirth...

bowlwoman · November 2014

lucymcgillicudy1010 said:

I've got two questions: 1) in my infant care class the instructor talked about burping, but I terms of formula: baby drinks 2 oz, then burp him, then let him drink the remaining 2. For breastfeeding, how will I know to burp him? Let him finish one boob? Will I be able to tell that he's done with one boob before burping? 2) I was driving to work the other day and I saw in the car next to me that the dad was driving and the mom was sitting in the backseat with the infant? Is this something we are supposed to do after the baby is born? Is it to just keep an eye on him or something else?

I usually don't sit in the back for short around-town trips, but I do on long car trips. Mainly because I can lean over the carseat and nurse him without having to stop and add an ungodly amount of time to our drives. Just hang a blanket on the windows to keep any enterprising truckers from spying on you.

agsgrrl · November 2014

pinklepop said:
How does the whole visitor thing work usually? I don't really understand how I should expect to inform family and such. Do I have DH call everyone when I get admitted? Should I expect to have visitors before the pushing part (cuz yeah, they're definitely not allowed during that...)? Would it be totally rude to ask people to not come in right after the baby is born so I can regroup a little first and chill with baby?
DH's family made it seem like they're going to be waiting outside the door and burst in when he's born. I'm a modest and shy kind of girl and feel like after childbirth I'll feel even more vulnerable. I also *know* I'll feel totally insecure if all 95 of them crowd in while I'm laying helpless in bed having just pushed a baby out.
I'm starting to get more anxious about the visitors than my actual childbirth...

That's when you tell people to kindly fuck off. In all seriousness it is a very private moment for most new parents and hurting somebody else's feelings before you can even close your legs shouldn't be a worry. Tell them.

pinklepop · November 2014

misskilljoy said:

@pinklepop - Also, check with your hospital's visiting policy. My hospital doesn't allow anyone except the grandparents in post-birth, and that's only for 15 minute visits, after which they're asked to leave. Everyone else has to wait for regular visiting hours AND I have to give it the green light before they're allowed in.

Oh I like the idea of limiting the visiting time. I think I could handle that. The idea of them sitting around the whole time watching me though :-S Thanks, I'll check into that

AllTheTeaInChina · November 2014

a+m=dixon said:
STMs who had H in the delivery room, what did you find to be the most helpful thing he did? Back rubs? Just being there, silently? Good distraction? Interested in how others H's gave support as I talk with my H on what I'm interested in.

Back labor here. So the back rubs and counter pressure helped a lot. I was exhausted so don't remember much else but he did provide encouragement when pushing.

AllTheTeaInChina · November 2014

lucymcgillicudy1010 said:
I've got two questions:

1) in my infant care class the instructor talked about burping, but I terms of formula: baby drinks 2 oz, then burp him, then let him drink the remaining 2. For breastfeeding, how will I know to burp him? Let him finish one boob? Will I be able to tell that he's done with one boob before burping?

2) I was driving to work the other day and I saw in the car next to me that the dad was driving and the mom was sitting in the backseat with the infant? Is this something we are supposed to do after the baby is born? Is it to just keep an eye on him or something else?

Baby will let you know when they're done. Burp then offer the other side.

I only sat in the back if she was fussing. I usually sat in front.

AllTheTeaInChina · November 2014

bowlwoman said:

lucymcgillicudy1010 said:

I've got two questions:

I can lean over the carseat and nurse him without having to stop

Please do not do this. It is incredibly dangerous. If you're in an accident your body could crush the baby.

abcmom12 · November 2014

Linden25 said:

I have a nursery question. It's tough to keep our rooms at a constant temperature in the winter. Are space heaters a definite no or should we put one in her room to make sure it's kept warm enough? Someone recommended this one to us but I'm not sure I'm 100% comfortable having it running all of the time.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B001EDZ6II/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pC_S_ttl?_encoding=UTF8&colid=S8BQ1XOUEGMP&coliid=I2BCDPTYW1VI7Y

Babies actually do better in cooler temperatures because they have issues dealing with heat when they are small. Our nursery is always 3 degrees cooler than the rest of the house and my daughter slept well even when I thought it was cold during the winter. Put them in a warm sleeper and swaddle/sleepsack and they should be just fine.

A space heater, even those that are safe, just sound too risky to leave on when you're not in the room and awake.

AllTheTeaInChina · November 2014

jessblair101 said:
So my husband went out this evening to get us a warm car seat cover as I refuse to use a snowsuit in the car seat, he ultimately didn't come home with one because there are 2 different kinds my question is the one that goes in the seat and the car seat straps come through the back are they considered safe? ( I think it's called a bunting bag?)To me it's almost the same as having a snow suit on... Or would you recommend just the plush warm one that covers the top?

Nothing should be between the seat and baby. The shower cap style ones that go over the seat are fine. A blanket works well too.

soulcupcake · November 2014

a+m=dixon said:

STMs who had H in the delivery room, what did you find to be the most helpful thing he did? Back rubs? Just being there, silently? Good distraction? Interested in how others H's gave support as I talk with my H on what I'm interested in.

My first husband was present for three births. With #2 and 4, we both just sat around waiting for labor to start. There was just a whole lot of waiting for everyone. His main job with #4 was to set up the birth tub and keep the temperature where it needed to be. I didn't really have a specific role for him since my midwife's apprenticeship was meant to act as my doula. And with #2, no specific role for him other than provide massages when/if I needed one, but since my "labor" was practically nonexistent there wasn't much for him to do once it started. So he just kicked back and kept me company.

This time, DH's job will be to fill the birth tub, keep the temp up, provide massages/counterpressure (but midwife's assistant may help with that), and possibly bake goodies 'cause I want cookies and other yummies to eat.

bowlwoman · November 2014

Anna930 said:

@pinklepop - the nurses made it very clear on our tour that only the visitors that you want are allowed in and only when you want them. We also have a code word "pineapple juice" that if we ask for that the nurses know that we are ready to boot out the visitors that are in the room and they will come up with an excuse (clear everyone out for some sort of a test to be done on me or baby).

I told my husband that if he hears me say pineapple juice he might also want to run.

Our code word is "farfegnugen". Ain't nobody gonna get that word mixed up in normal converation.

We don't have any family close, and we've already given our close friends the rundown. Only DH and me during labor/delivery. We'll keep them apprised of updates and let them know when LO is born. My BFF will bring the girls in as soon as she can after Q arrives, assuming no one is sick. Then, our friends are welcome to come visit at the hospital, or not. Or, they're welcome to come visit us at home afterward. Or not. I'm flexible.

Since my BFF is going to be watching the girls at our house and we were planning to have our set of close friends over for Thanksgiving anyway, now that I'm being induced the day before we may come home on TG day to a house full of holiday cheer. And that would be awesome.

And pie.

nedralynn · November 2014

@jessblair101‌ the only hesd supports you are supposed to have in the car seat is the one that comes with it no other brands or anything like that because they haven't been safety tested. If it doesn't come with head support my car seat tech reccommended last time to roll up a couple recieving blankets to put on either side to support babies head.

pinklepop · November 2014

jessblair101 said:

One more ?? About car seats everyone keeps telling me that to put baby in the car seat isn't enough because they can't support there heads! Is it necessary to get those head higher pads??picture attached for clarity in my horrible description!! I only ask cuz again that's something g between then and the seat!!

My carseat came with an infant insert. Did yours not?

You can see the little insert in the product pic:
https://www.target.com/p/graco-fastaction-fold-click-connect-travel-system/-/A-15286335

pinklepop · November 2014

MOAR QUESTIONZ :>

What can you really feel with an epidural? (when it works correctly) Are you *completely* numb past a certain point? Are you paralyzed (I see the husband and nurse holding the legs in birth vids? Are you restricted to lying on your back in the bed, or are there other positions you can move to (sides? others?)
Also, when do they recommend you get one? Is it 5 centimeters or do they offer it earlier? Is the nurse going to tell me when to get one or should I figure that out for myself? Should I wait 'til 5 cm?
I've heard epidurals make it hard to breastfeed. Anyone have experience with that?
Basically, tell me about epidurals.

[Deleted User] · November 2014

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riansmommie · November 2014

With an epi you feel numb from below your boobs down. You can still feel the tightness of a contraction but the pain isn't there. As far as positions it's on your back, moving onto your sides/even crossing your legs can cause the meds to not numb you evenly. I learned this the hard way with my first, only feeling numb on the right side from waist down and pAin on the left was weird. Also never heard of epis causing issues with BF,

[Deleted User] · November 2014

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pinklepop · November 2014

Ah thanks guys!!!
So how much does it hurt before the doc says you can get an epidural? I know they don't give it to you right away like some of you mentioned. Do the labor pains really only get bad after a certain point in the dilation or are they holding you off for another reason?

riansmommie · November 2014

pinklepop said:
Ah thanks guys!!!
So how much does it hurt before the doc says you can get an epidural? I know they don't give it to you right away like some of you mentioned. Do the labor pains really only get bad after a certain point in the dilation or are they holding you off for another reason?

As long as your admitted and actually in labor I'm pretty sure you can get the epi. Each person handles pain differently, you could need it at 4cm or 8cm, if that makes sense. They usually hold you off though because if it is given to early it can stall natural labor.

[Deleted User] · November 2014

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nesenotes · November 2014

pinklepop said:
Ah thanks guys!!!
So how much does it hurt before the doc says you can get an epidural? I know they don't give it to you right away like some of you mentioned. Do the labor pains really only get bad after a certain point in the dilation or are they holding you off for another reason?

Depends. My hospital is big on not feeling unnecessary pain (kaiser) so I was offered an epidural immediately. I was at 2cm dilated when i got to the hospital (water broke). However I was also given pitocin to start contractions and they make them hurt a lot more than a regular contraction. I held out for 2 hours and decided fuck it, ain't nobody got time for god knows how many more hours of this nonsense. I was there for 24hrs. Glad I got the Epi early.

Eta: I think sometimes it depends on insurance and coverage as well. But i wouldn't know about all that. I just had nurses telling me "honey just remember you don't have to grin and bear it if you don't want to".

AngelSong76 · November 2014

My epi made me feel completely dead from the waist down. I remember poking my thighs and saying "I can't feel this at all. It's so bizarre." You are confined to the bed after that, which is one of the reasons I would advise to wait until you absolutely need it before getting it, in case your labor lasts a long time. It sucks to be stuck in the bed for 11 hours. Epis can wear off, so make sure you tell someone if you start feeling pain (not pressure or tightness, but pain) when you shouldn't be. Mine wore off and they had to do a boost and then they had to place a new one. I couldn't sit up without help when they placed the new one, I was basically slumped over my husband. Poor guy.

pinklepop · November 2014

chelseavranich said:

riansmommie said:

Ah thanks guys!!!
So how much does it hurt before the doc says you can get an epidural? I know they don't give it to you right away like some of you mentioned. Do the labor pains really only get bad after a certain point in the dilation or are they holding you off for another reason?
As long as your admitted and actually in labor I'm pretty sure you can get the epi. Each person handles pain differently, you could need it at 4cm or 8cm, if that makes sense. They usually hold you off though because if it is given to early it can stall natural labor.

Are you saying that some people are whiny bitches and others are champions?

For real though, I had back labor and was throwing up everywhere so I was all kinds of fatigued and stressed out. They got DS to turn around and I was still struggling so they were able to place the epidural since back labor was over.

Yikes, good to know.

soulcupcake · November 2014

@pinklepop

There's more of a negative association between IV narcotics causing breastfeeding issues than epidural analgesia. It's not uncommon to receive narcotics first and then the epidural

https://www.scienceandsensibility.org/?p=3120

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/14717315

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15321436

https://www.internationalbreastfeedingjournal.com/content/1/1/24

Also, it depends on what medication is used for the epidural. It could just be a local, or it could be local+narcotic (like fentanyl or morphine).

riansmommie · November 2014

Lol no @chelseavranich‌ never! Childbirth and labor is no joke that shit hurts not matter what at some point. Back labor is the worst though

pinklepop · November 2014

ladythrice said:

metaphysique said:

@pinklepop

There's more of a negative association between IV narcotics causing breastfeeding issues than epidural analgesia. It's not uncommon to receive narcotics first and then the epidural

https://www.scienceandsensibility.org/?p=3120
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/14717315
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15321436
https://www.internationalbreastfeedingjournal.com/content/1/1/24

Also, it depends on what medication is used for the epidural. It could just be a local, or it could be local+narcotic (like fentanyl or morphine).

I would definitely find out what procedures your hospital follows. For example, Meta's statement above is completely incorrect for my hospital. They do not administer narcotics at all if the mom is considering an epidural. (They actually don't consider narcotics a pain relief measure at all for birth, but I assume this would vary based on the patients needs.)

Have you taken a birth class @pinklepop? Or spoken with the maternity care coordinators/gone on a hospital tour? They might be able to talk the specifics of your hospital's practices as they pertain to epis with you!

I did go on a hospital tour, but unfortunately it was wayyy back in June. I'm signed up for a birth class at the hospital, so I'll be sure to ask about the narcotics thing. I bet they'll have a section on pain management.

ashleykadlec · November 2014

I had a c section with DD and of course had an epi. Didn't hurt to place at all which I was real worried about. I couldnt feel anything from beneah my boobs down for quite some time. Right after I was stitched up I was brought up to baby to breast feed. The most difficult part about that was that I couldn't move my body to reposition myself to get baby and I comfortable to nurse. Unfortunately I was a little drugged up, and kind of in a daze because that was the first time I had gotten to hold her and immediately the nurses were just tugging at my boobs trying to get her to nurse so it was just really overwhelming. I remember being really frustrated that I couldn't move myself to get comfortable to nurse though, but other than that she took to nursing right away.

hoping4aUNICORN · November 2014

Sooooo.... Not a FTM but they didn't have these when I had my first kids, has anyone used them?..... They look like so much fun and I feel like I'm going to be disappointed if they aren't as cool as I think they are

nedralynn · November 2014

@hoping4aUNICORN those were the only way my son would stay swaddled he fought his way out of every other normal blanket I swaddled him with

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