unwarranted advice!

mermaid1113 · October 2014

Well, I had my first encounter with a know it all on pregnancy. I posted a link on facebook with holiday desserts and a friend of mine who just had her baby decided to tell me all the foods I couldn't have. She explained that I could have NO fish at all and NO caffeine. I politely corrected her and explained I still have both of those things in moderation.

After thinking about it that really annoyed me! First of all, I have educated myself on pregnancy (I am sorta living it right now!) And second of all, the "valuable" information you are giving me isnt even accurate!

So I'm curious- what type of unwarranted advice have you gotten and how did you handle it? I'm sure I'm not the only one

lawsonellis · October 2014

I was drinking a tiny 7oz coke as I walked down the hallway at work and was stopped by a coworker who said "you're not supposed to have that are you?" All condescendingly. I just said "actually, I'm allotted about 12-14oz a day and this is half that. It helps me headaches." And smiled and walked away.

I haven't been questioned since :P

rowboat4 · October 2014

RQuinlin said:
It wasn't so much advice, but certainly annoying...I've had dreadful ms this time and everyone kept saying it was a boy. It really irked me! H and I laughed so hard about it when we found out we're having a girl.

That's interesting, cause most things I have read/heard actually say morning sickness means a girl...

drudolph11 · October 2014

@RQuinlin‌ im about in the same boat. We just told my mom about my pregnancy. We waited so long for a few different reasons but one was because we knew she would "all over it". About 4 minutes after telling her she looked at my sonograms and said "it's a boy" and has been telling everyone it's a boy since. WE DON'T FIND OUT TIL THE 29th lol she even write an entire Facebook post about her new "grandson" Like no it might be a boy or anything like that no no "it's deff a boy". She is coming with us to our a/s and I swear if we're told it is a girl she will tell them that their wrong. She even bought baby boy cloths today and just gave them to me. (Mind you we haven't even bought anything at all yet).

And the Facebook post, we haven't told my grandfather yet but she forgot that he could see her Facebook. I totally freaked on her and asked if he saw it and she said "well he called the other day and asked about it but I can't remember if that was real or if I dreamt it" AHH WTF MOM!! So I would say this would falls into the unwanted information/attention category.

071115 · October 2014

Not so much advice. But my coworkers are constantly saying you can't carry that. Should you be sitting on the floor, you should sit down. It's getting annoying I am not a China doll I'm pregnant .

rowboat4 · October 2014

etoille said:

mrsanders2013 said:

RQuinlin said:
It wasn't so much advice, but certainly annoying...I've had dreadful ms this time and everyone kept saying it was a boy. It really irked me! H and I laughed so hard about it when we found out we're having a girl.
That's interesting, cause most things I have read/heard actually say morning sickness means a girl...

Yeah old wives tale stuff.

I was sicker than a dog first pregnancy. Boy.

Obviously no clue what this pregnancy is yet.

Yeah, I know it's all just old wives stuff, I just thought it was funny that everyone was telling her boy when I had always heard bad mornin sickness meant girl. It's just funny how even the old wives tales have discrepancies.

mermaid1113 · October 2014

happymamax2 said:
I can't think of any pregnancy unwarranted or unwanted advice, more of like post pregnancy and how to take care of my dd. That was ANNOYING. Sorry to break it to you, the unwarranted/unwanted advice doesn't stop until idk when. There will always be someone who HAS to say something about how you take of yourself during your pregnancy, when you have your baby, and when then when your babies start becoming kids. I really wish I could tell them all to fuck off, but that would be rude.

Oh trust me I know this is just the start of the advice I'm about to get! I might as well learn to hold my tongue now or I won't have many friends left haha

mermaid1113 · October 2014

Oh and another one I have- a friend who is breast feeding told me not to drink then breastfeed. Umm yes- thank you I get that!

suzyq0525 · October 2014

RQuinlin said:
It wasn't so much advice, but certainly annoying...I've had dreadful ms this time and everyone kept saying it was a boy. It really irked me! H and I laughed so hard about it when we found out we're having a girl.

My family has said the same thing. My a/s is on Tuesday so I'm glad that will be over!

LilMamaDez · October 2014

I as well keep getting that about dying my hair. "Oh your hair looks nice but your not supposed to dye it!" I still get that look even after I tell them that I've got the okay from my doctor.

MeganPobega · October 2014

My favorite was recently from my younger sister. She is also pregnant with her second baby and is five weeks ahead of me. We have two totally different views on parenting. She thinks breast feeding is disgusting and boobs are for men to fondle. I absolutely loved breast feeding and it's complete natural. She told me if I have a boy and I do t circumsize him, I'm neglecting him and a bad mom. I believe in "their body, their choice". My daughter is three and still rear faces in a car seat and she tells me how "dangerous" it is. She turned her son at one. I've tried educating her on these things, but she doesn't care. I'm more natural about my parenting and she isn't. She always tries to tell me I'm wrong for how I choose to parent. But all mothers do things different and do what works for them. I have nothing against her parenting choices and never say anything because my nephew isn't my son. I have no place. Just as people should keeps their comments to themselves. They aren't raising YOUR child. You are. Just ignore them and rock on!

LilMamaDez · October 2014

MeganPobega said:
My favorite was recently from my younger sister. She is also pregnant with her second baby and is five weeks ahead of me. We have two totally different views on parenting. She thinks breast feeding is disgusting and boobs are for men to fondle. I absolutely loved breast feeding and it's complete natural. She told me if I have a boy and I do t circumsize him, I'm neglecting him and a bad mom. I believe in "their body, their choice". My daughter is three and still rear faces in a car seat and she tells me how "dangerous" it is. She turned her son at one. I've tried educating her on these things, but she doesn't care. I'm more natural about my parenting and she isn't. She always tries to tell me I'm wrong for how I choose to parent. But all mothers do things different and do what works for them. I have nothing against her parenting choices and never say anything because my nephew isn't my son. I have no place. Just as people should keeps their comments to themselves. They aren't raising YOUR child. You are. Just ignore them and rock on!

Definitely agree. Some friends of mine have a really rough time making their girls mind. I don't agree with their methods but never say anything. But it gets old hearing them say just wait you'll be dealing with this soon. I agree kids will get out of hand but their girls are just never worked with. They just automatically assume all kids are wild and unable to control.

MeganPobega · October 2014

Kids will be kids. I have a toddler and her attitude is ridiculous. But I just have to laugh sometimes. As crazy as she drives me some days, I will miss these days when she is older. I just looked at it that way. They are only young once. Let them be little. My kid is not rude. She is very we mannered and polite. She is great with other children. Mommy just gets all the attitude lol. Some kids are brats but it's the parents fault. They respond to what they see/hear. Raising your kids to the best of your ability is all you can do. I don't ever let other people's bother me lol. I just laugh. Most of them don't have kids either. That's what makes me giggle!

ruemorgan · October 2014

Thankfully I have had more people asking me what I can or cant do/eat while pregnant instead of telling me. I suspect the unwanted advice from strangers will come when I get a bump.

Josie1992 · October 2014

The worst advice I had was my friend telling me that I shouldn't buy expensive baby things and that I'm "stupid" if I do as the baby won't need it for long. My reply was that I work hard to afford these things so if I can then I will. I no longer speak to this person as I couldn't stand the unwanted advice

Joon+ · October 2014

I had a GF raise an eyebrow and tell me my Doppler was "the weirdest pregnancy purchase she could think of" and she would never "waste her money" on one. That's nice. For me it's been a lifesaver and the best money I've spent so far. Totally unsolicited opinion, not to mention unnecessary. I'm of the "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" camp.

CoozieInMyPurse · October 2014

Best one I've gotten is the very sweet, well-intentioned lady at work who warned me that I shouldn't stand so close to the printer while it was in use. Yeah, I'm pretty sure the printer is not endangeringy fetus.

Shellyhume · October 2014

My story is annoying but sweet... Several of my students (10-11 yr olds) keep saying things like, "Are you sure you should be..." Things like bending/running/carrying things. I explain that I know my limitations and assure them I'd never do anything to hurt the baby. Then I explain that a healthy pregnant woman carrying a healthy baby is much stronger than many people realize. Aaaaaaand I've had three kids already... I know what I'm doing.

littlepawsbigears · October 2014

I'm a vegetarian. At 3 months I told my family. My stepmom shook a spoon in my face and said, "oh my god! You better buy a cook book for people like you so you don't kill it. Oh! And you need to start taking vitamins! " I was livid, but just laughed at her... We left shortly after and I haven't seen her since. I doubt she brings it up when i do see her. People can be so tactless.

jpavenski · October 2014

Ugh I am a big seafood lover & I get that all the time about fish. We were at a clambake wedding last week & I was very excited with my lobster & steamers & a couple people actually questioned if I could eat it. I love answering no there are only 4 types of fish you need to stay away from & they are not even common ones! My grandmother also questioned whether I could keep dancing while pregnant multiple times. I'm a dance teacher & this is my second, with my first I was dancing on Thursday night & had him Monday! She was funny though, "in my day we sat at home & did nothing for 9 months"

thursday · October 2014

Unfortunately you should get use to it. The dumbest people think they know everything including how you should be pregnant and then what you should be doing with your baby and then how you should be raising your kid, and so on. I do think it is good to talk to other parents about challenges, school, etc but I find some people aren't interested in an exchange they just want to tell you what to do and those people are usually people I would never take advice from.

createmagic14 · October 2014

MeganPobega said:
Kids will be kids. I have a toddler and her attitude is ridiculous. But I just have to laugh sometimes. As crazy as she drives me some days, I will miss these days when she is older. I just looked at it that way. They are only young once. Let them be little. My kid is not rude. She is very we mannered and polite. She is great with other children. Mommy just gets all the attitude lol. Some kids are brats but it's the parents fault. They respond to what they see/hear. Raising your kids to the best of your ability is all you can do. I don't ever let other people's bother me lol. I just laugh. Most of them don't have kids either. That's what makes me giggle!

It's funny, as a teacher, I've had plenty of parents come in for conferences where I mention how wonderful their child is, and I hear "I wish (s)he was that way at home!" I always tell them how great of a job that they're doing--home is definitely the place to learn boundaries and how far to push. If your kid is getting your messages loud and clear, their behavior in public is where is usually shows! Not that some kids who struggle to behave in school don't have great parents (and sometimes great kids have terrible parents) btw, I've seen it all, but it's often what I see.

Mary and Dave · October 2014

I was drinking a Coke at work and my boss literally flipped out on me. I explained that caffeine is just fine in moderation, and the only reason I was drinking the damn thing was in hopes of getting rid of a headache. I took my Coke and my grumpy self to the staff lounge and drank every last drop of it.

For what it's worth, it helped my headache.

My boss also told me not to wear sandals after having the baby. She said that if I want my body to "shrink back to size" after delivery, I can't let anymore air in through my feet. She admitted that it's some sort of a Mexican wives tale. I've never heard that one before...

aylaroman15 · October 2014

I get told all time I shouldn't be working. I sit at a desk 9 hours a day. Two phrases that annoy me most are, "Oh you wait for it, your life is going to be so hard." and "Say goodbye to your youth and fun!". No shit my life will change and yea For a while I won't be able to do everything I use to do. People who aren't even living my life are more concerned with my life changing and my "lack" of "fun" than me. I just tell them, "My life is changing for the better and I'm going to have soooo much fun in that change." There is a truck load of more "advice" i've heard but i'm sure everyone has already heard them. Oh my gosh its gonna get a hell of a lot worse when LO is born but I say BRING IT ONNN MUDDDUUFAKAAASSS!

drudolph11 · October 2014

So yesterday after I had posted that first comment we went to Wal-Mart and I saw a friend I knew. Told her I was pregnant and how far along and she said "omg you're too skinny to be as far along as you are, are you eating"? Ahh first of all I was wearing baggy sweatpants and a hoodie so it hides well secondly Yes I Am Freaking Eating!!! What did she think I sit around and starve myself all day? We had a huge cart of food!! Maybe she can tell my body to stop rejecting everything I put into it. This isn't the first time I have been asked this and I was just beyond annoyed. I think if she had left out the "are you eating part" it would have been fine.

anehrkorn · October 2014

I really loved in my first trimester, when I had horrible morning sickness how everyone kept bugging me about getting out and exercising. I could barely get out of bed some days! Why don't you go for a walk while trying not to puke every 5 minutes?!

daizedoo · October 2014

I'm getting pretty sick of people telling me to sleep while I can. :-@

Sugarplum0217 · October 2014

The worst I've gotten is negativity for working mothers. I had two women recently tell me a mother's place is in the home, not working. The best part, one of them didn't even have kids!!

I plan on returning to work for 3 1/2 days a week and my SO will be home with the baby. Even my in laws are trying to work with us to avoid day care. I went to day care/preschool since I was 6 weeks old and had a wonderful childhood, was very socialized, and advanced for my age.

I'm also really tired of asking how old I am and telling me I'm a baby. I'll be 26 when this baby is born. None of their business but I have health issues and was told to start trying right away as it may take us awhile to get pregnant and we want a few.

I had an older doctor at the ER tell me to stop using mouthwash. I laughed.

jessrich522 · October 2014

Ugh, the exercise thing, I started out pre pregnancy on the heavier end of "normal" and my extremely overweight and unhealthy father decided the pull me to the side at the beginning and inform me I should try to lose some weight early on to keep myself healthy later in pregnancy. Which would be annoying anyway but is infuriating coming from someone who has some serious weight related medical conditions he does NOTHING to control and pays the price for it every day.

I also had the cashier lady at the gas station shame me for buying a coke the other day and mention it was really hard for her to give it up but it is super important. Admittedly I was a little snarky to her and I almost felt bad after but my god, coke literally has 30 mg of caffeine for every 12 ounces. I could have SO MANY EVERY DAY and still be under what my doctor said the daily limit was.

/endrant

jack12trip · October 2014

katydid2014 said:
Whenever I tell someone who already has kids that I'm pregnant their usual response is "Oh well you're life is about to change" like it's a bad thing. My response is "we want our lives to change, we welcome the changes" and they seem a little surprised to hear that. Um durrrr, I realize having a baby is going to change our lives and that is WHAT WE WANT. Ugh it's so annoying. It's not like we accidentally got knocked up. We'd be trying for over two years and did fertility treatments so I'm pretty sure we know what the hell we are getting into.

This. I never understand people who tell a couple this. Thanks for the disclaimer, but we still really want to do this!

I have gotten some bizarre advice since getting pregnant. The funniest was having someone telling me to rub my breast milk on my face as an anti-aging cream.

The most annoying? My MIL had read somewhere that fresh figs prevent morning sickness. And kept texting me to put fresh figs on nightstand and eat them first things in the morning...even though I told her nicely that it sounded terrible to me and LO. I could barely eat a bland bagel!

Shellyhume · October 2014

Okay, I just had an encounter at Target and I totally thought of this thread!

So I've got all three of my babes in tow, and we're on the hunt for dress pants for my son's concert. I'm audibly exasperated at my youngest because she is playing this "I don't really know what I want so I'll just scream about everything Mommy tries to do to comfort me" game... Her favorite. Meanwhile the other two are kinda cranky and whiny as well.

I have this guy come up to me and start in with the "wow, you have your hands full" comments, followed by, "I stopped at two because I knew better," rounded off with a little discipline advice, and topped with an attempted horror story of his wife in labor. I stopped him right there, looked him in the eye and asked, "What is your favorite part about being a parent?" He stopped and thought for a minute and said he hadn't thought of that in a while. I replied, "That is very clear to me, sir. Why not focus on your favorite things about your children and share THOSE stories with exasperated pregnant women who are struggling to hold it together. Give someone HOPE that it gets better. And if you can't muster one positive word of encouragement, please just stay quiet and move on your way!"

I walked away from that encounter feeling like Rocky.

meowkitten · October 2014

My favorite has been everyone telling me I won't be able to go back to work after the baby is born. DH does freelance and works from home, so he will be staying home with baby and just doing projects around my schedule. Everyone is just like "Oh, that'll never work. You won't be able to leave that baby."

Um...people do that all the time? SAHDs are becoming increasingly more common? I'm pretty sure our baby will be fine?

On top of which, I make way more money than he does, so we wouldn't have a choice even if this wasn't what we wanted to do (which it is). It cracks me up every time someone tells me that.

barabbit · October 2014

My best friend had her first child in January and has now become a pregnancy guru. Every time I see her she has some kind of advice for me, and usually each story with "When I was pregnant..." I try to remind myself she's just trying to help, and remind her that each pregnancy is different. I love her to pieces but I feel it's a longggg way to March, which it will just turn into how she's raising her daughter...

[Deleted User] · October 2014

The user and all related content has been deleted.

almeyer2013 · October 2014

Found out at work last night a co worker didn't like the name Charles we are considering for our baby.

My response "well this isn't her child and she doesn't have to like his name."

I am soo over people throwing in their two cents that I am throwing it back at them.

@katydid2014‌ I may have to use that notion every time my (evil) stepsisters attempt to scare me when they say "just wait! It all changes." Bit.

ngolimento · October 2014

Put me in the camp that is sick of people acting like doomsday is coming for my soul. It's so disgusting to be all "ooooo life if gonna suck!" to someone facing a huge new life change.

If I get tired enough of it, the next person might get a response of "Oh my god! I didn't realize I would get so little sleep! Thanks for letting me know, I'll get rid of it right away!!!" Then just walk away.

colleen4019 · October 2014

daizedoo said:
I'm getting pretty sick of people telling me to sleep while I can. :-@

Yes! As if sleeping while pregnant was easy!? I have to pee every 2-3 hours, my back hurts and I have the weirdest freaking dreams. Sleep isn't easy right now. I know it's not going to get easier, thanks for the reminder.

jessrich522 · October 2014

My husband has a co-worker who announced him and his wife were pregnant about a month before we went public. Another guy in their department went on and on and on about how everyone he knows with children have complained it ruined their lives and he would never be so vain as to need a replica of himself. I wanted to punch him in the face when he gave my husband the same lecture a month later, but he had at least been able to prepare some witty come backs since he knew it was coming.

I have to see this guy at an event next weekend and I am just praying he doesn't talk to me so I don't have to worry about flipping out on him

jpavenski · October 2014

Peledreamsofrain said:
Put me in the camp that is sick of people acting like doomsday is coming for my soul. It's so disgusting to be all "ooooo life if gonna suck!" to someone facing a huge new life change.

If I get tired enough of it, the next person might get a response of "Oh my god! I didn't realize I would get so little sleep! Thanks for letting me know, I'll get rid of it right away!!!" Then just walk away.

Lmao! Good comeback! Do people even realize the shit they say?! That comment pretty much makes it seem like they hate their life. I remember people telling us that with my first & you know what life did change but for the better. I had a friend who's going through a rough patch with her husband telling girls how much your relationship changes after you have kids. I would say mine got even better, we value our alone time even more, appreciate each other more & we work as a team! How bout some positive advice people lol

Enigma87 · October 2014

Only thing I can think of is I was telling my coworkers that I've been craving a lot of spicy foods, and my manager chimed in that I should avoid spicy food because it could cause me to go into pre-term labor. I just looked at her weird and told her that wasn't true and went on with my day lol.

JCWhitey · October 2014

I think Facebook conversations on this are the best! I had a friend who had just found out she was pregnant around Valentine's day and she was eating some chocolate candies and her husband said she shouldn't have it because chocolate contains caffeine. She posted asking if this was true and I told her that the amount of caffeine in chocolate was so small it wouldn't affect the baby at all, and cited from pretty reliable sources for how much caffeine a pregnant woman can consume and have no affect on the baby. I included at the end that I drink black tea every morning because I get chronic migraines and one cup really helps with those, and that I'd rather consume caffeine than my not-pregnancy approved AT ALL migraine medications.

Well, some lovely mother posted "Personally I wouldn't gamble Elijah's health on some "studies" and I didn't have any caffeine during pregnancy and did just fine. I won't drink it now that I'm breastfeeding exclusively, either." I didn't know that bitch but I wanted to throat punch her. Luckily my friend replied that she read the studies that were all medically based and had decided it was just fine to eat some chocolate and have a cup of tea every now and then. But seriously who does that? It's fine if you want to avoid caffeine, I actually wish I could! But the implication that someone doesn't love their child because they consume one cup of tea and encourage their friends to have a bit of chocolate? Ridiculous!

Want a personalized experience?

unwarranted advice!

Re: unwarranted advice!

Choose Another Board

Search Boards