Sorry in advance for the length. My SO and I have been together only a short time. Six-ish months or so. I am almost 16 weeks pregnant with my second child, his first. Anyways, since I've become pregnant I've noticed a lot of changes in him. Maybe they were just things he hid well and decided not to care anymore. He has a pretty bad temper. He loses his patience, quite often, and yells or breaks things. He does this in front of my three year old daughter. It makes my blood boil, to say the least. But when he gets like that, I calmly ask him over and over again to go outside and cool down. My daughter gets scared, which I don't blame her. It's always over something small too. His last outburst was because my daughter spilled her plate during dinner. Which I cleaned up right away and he yelled. She is a toddler. She makes messes. It's not the end of the world. He also has a drinking problem. He has gotten better but when he isn't drinking, he is downright nasty. He never wants to spend anytime with my daughter or I. But claims to love spending time with us. That's a lie. He is constantly buried in his phone. It is to the point where he gets off work (at 4pm) and eats dinner, then plays on his phone and is in bed by 7pm. It really hurts my feelings. I've suggested he go to anger management and AA but he refuses. So I suggested couples counseling, which to my surprise he said he would do. He always talks about how we are getting married. But honestly? I have no interest in marrying this man. He has very little interest in this baby. I try to involve him with every thing that goes on. No luck. I grabbed his hand last night to feel the baby. His response? Cool and walked away. It was the first time, by the way. I suffer from depression. Mainly seasonal. Which he believes is just me hating my life. Which isn't the case. I'm finding it hard to be happy with a guy like this. He offers no support, no compassion, no kind words, no affection, nothing. I just feel alone when he is next to me. We don't even talk to each other anymore, unless he is asking what I'm making for dinner. I know people will just tell me to leave if I'm unhappy but I really want this to work. I'm trying so hard but I feel like I've hit a brick wall. Anyone else go through this? Did it get better? If so, how did you do it.
Re: Any advice?
I would ask him to move out now, try counselling if you want, but leave the co-dependent living on hold while you see where this goes.
All the things you describe happening so soon after he moves in is a very bad sign and you need to start preparing for this to not work out.
I have to agree with PPs. If you've been together only a few months and he's already acting this way you should get him out of your life. Your daughter is already afraid of him...I would be afraid of him hurting her, you, or the new LO.
If you decide to do counseling, I completely agree with @stine28. Don't continue to have him live with you while going through counseling.
Do you want her to think being screamed at for nothing by a man is normal?
Do you want her to think being ignored and treated coldly by a man is normal?
No? Leave like your ass is on fire. If you are deeply lucky, she will retain no memory of this time in her life. Her happiness and future is in your hands. Don't let her down for a dumb useless man.
I truly do sympathize with you and can't imagine what you're going through but your daughter's well being and safety needs to come first. I would live under a bridge before I would let a man treat myself or my child like that. There are places to go for help if you were to lose your home. Please be a hero for your daughter. Again, he was not a great man before this happened. You've only known him for 6 months. Anyone can put on an "act" in the beginning. People don't suddenly start behaving like this. Kick him out and don't worry about him anymore. You and your daughter are in my thoughts and prayers through this. Best wishes!!!
Amen!
I would leave but that's just me.
You mentioned that you couldn't afford your house on your own- perhaps there are other alternatives- staying with family or downsizing.
The things you have mentioned as issues are not things that will change if he doesn't see them/want them to change. With 3 OUIs at 28 he doesn't seem like he is a person who is likely open to seeing those faults and changing them.
I'm very sorry you are going through this. The issues you have mentioned-
drinking, anger etc. are his issues and you should not see them as a reflection of you (pregnancy hormones or not!) or your children. You all deserve to be in a safer and more loving environment. Best of luck.
Think of your daughter. Do you want her to grow up thinking this behavior is normal and ok? Do you want her to be with a man like this?
You said you don't want to marry him, so why try to work it out?
He already scares your daughter. Neither of you deserve this. Get out now before he hurts you or your daughter.
Married the love of my life: 5-17-14
BFP:6-27-14
EDD:3-11-15
Step Mom to Z: 4-11-06
IT'S A BOY!!!!!!
MMC April 2014 at 6w2d, D&C at 9 weeks
MMC August 2014 at 9w1d, D&C at 12 weeks
CP October 2014
My Ovulation Chart
MMC April 2014 at 6w2d, D&C at 9 weeks
MMC August 2014 at 9w1d, D&C at 12 weeks
CP October 2014
My Ovulation Chart
MMC April 2014 at 6w2d, D&C at 9 weeks
MMC August 2014 at 9w1d, D&C at 12 weeks
CP October 2014
My Ovulation Chart
This. He knows how to manipulate you. He's playing you. He'll act sweet and caring just long enough for you to trust him and then he'll go right back to his old ways. I totally get having faith in people, I do. I made a lot of mistakes and have turned my life around. But I did it for ME not for someone else. This guy is scaring your daughter. That should be your number 1 concern. Please listen to @wendyld and buy a one way ticket to your family and never look back.