Newbie/FTM questions?

samii160296 · October 2014

I have found myself to be worrying about every last thing, my partner leaving me even tho he's never given me a reason, car rides (scared someone's gona hit us), problems with the baby...
I cant stop stressing what can I do ?

Manateearmz · October 2014

samii160296 said:
I have found myself to be worrying about every last thing, my partner leaving me even tho he's never given me a reason, car rides (scared someone's gona hit us), problems with the baby...
I cant stop stressing what can I do ?

Talk to your OB. If the anxiety is making it hard for you to function or interfering with your happiness this is something that needs to be discussed with your physician.

Manateearmz · October 2014

MissChristineMarie said:
Yesterday, my boss told me that some doctors won't let you leave the hospital until after you poop. True or false?

I hate pressure to poop!

I think this is true. I pooped the second day, don't worry they stuff you full of stool softners.

BayCamp · October 2014

MissChristineMarie said:
Yesterday, my boss told me that some doctors won't let you leave the hospital until after you poop. True or false?

I hate pressure to poop!

I've heard a lot of hospitals need you to at least pass gas. Especially if you've had a c-section. They just need to know that your bowels are in working order before releasing you with a blockage.

mgk207 · October 2014

Manateearmz said:

I have found myself to be worrying about every last thing, my partner leaving me even tho he's never given me a reason, car rides (scared someone's gona hit us), problems with the baby... I cant stop stressing what can I do ?
Talk to your OB. If the anxiety is making it hard for you to function or interfering with your happiness this is something that needs to be discussed with your physician.

To piggyback on this, in many places, there are mental health counselors who either specialize or have some experience working with women specifically on prenatal anxiety and depression. I am a licensed mental health counselor myself, and I have worked with women (and couples) on similar issues prior to the births of their children. I also had a close friend who sought counseling during pregnancy, because her anxiety felt out of control, and it was very helpful for her. It also establishes a relationship before the baby comes, in the event that you have some postpartum anxiety and depression. I would bring up to your physician first, and see if they have recommendations. Good luck!

sysakbaby · October 2014

@misschristinemarie When my husband and I did the L&D tour at our hospital birth center they were telling us how insurance covers 2 nights stay with vaginal delivery and 3+ nights depending on circumstances with c-section. I looked at the midwife and said "Is there any way I won't have to stay here 24 hours."

She looked at me like I had 3 heads. And then told me that no pediatrician would clear the infant to leave in less than 24 hours and we couldn't leave before that. She didn't say anything about pooping though lol.

Can you tell I hate hospitals?

bowlwoman · October 2014

sysakbaby said:

@misschristinemarie When my husband and I did the L&D tour at our hospital birth center they were telling us how insurance covers 2 nights stay with vaginal delivery and 3+ nights depending on circumstances with c-section. I looked at the midwife and said "Is there any way I won't have to stay here 24 hours."

She looked at me like I had 3 heads. And then told me that no pediatrician would clear the infant to leave in less than 24 hours and we couldn't leave before that. She didn't say anything about pooping though lol.

Can you tell I hate hospitals?

sysakbaby I don't doubt this. With DD2 I had her at 2:14 PM on a Wednesday, and I was ready to go home at 7AM on Thursday. My OB cleared me, and said as soon as the pediatrician cleared the baby, we could go. We had to wait until 2PM so they could do a test that they had to run when she was 24 hours old, then they discharged us. We were home by 4:00 that afternoon. So, my total hospital stay from induction start to getting home was less than 36 hours. BUT, we did have to wait until the baby was 24 hours old before we could go.

With DD1, I stayed the full two days.

So, I have a question for the FTMs out there. Have you read your car seat manual yet or played around with how it works, straps, getting it in/out of the car and base? The reason I ask is because DH and I didn't with DD1, and we really should have. It's not as intuitive as you think it is, and I was afraid we were going to squash the baby because we didn't know how to loosen the harness.

sysakbaby · October 2014

@bowlwoman Yea, I'll just have to suck it up

I have practiced taking the car seat in and out of the base and attaching it to the stroller. I haven't read the manual or installed the base in the car yet. That manual seriously looks scary.

LovesBooks · October 2014

Question: I decided on a black stroller. It also comes in red. I'm not a huge fan of the color red. My mom and husband both think that the baby will roast in a black stroller when the sun is out. Do I need to live with red since it will be better for baby? Anyone else have experience with colors of strollers?

LovesBooks · October 2014

bowlwoman My hospital is giving an infant caring class and asked that we bring car seat and car manual with us. The class is this Sunday. I'm hoping it is helpful. It would be more helpful if they installed it for us

AllTheTeaInChina · October 2014

LovesBooks said:
bowlwoman My hospital is giving an infant caring class and asked that we bring car seat and car manual with us. The class is this Sunday. I'm hoping it is helpful. It would be more helpful if they installed it for us

Make sure the people helping with the car seat install are certified technicians. They should not install it for you but teach you how to install correctly yourself.

[Deleted User] · October 2014

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smack427 · October 2014

LovesBooks said:
Question: I decided on a black stroller. It also comes in red. I'm not a huge fan of the color red. My mom and husband both think that the baby will roast in a black stroller when the sun is out. Do I need to live with red since it will be better for baby? Anyone else have experience with colors of strollers?

I didn't even think about the black car seat/stroller being too hot and I'm in Louisiana where we have super hot summers. I suppose I'll invest in a little fan just incase and one of the tinted window suction cup things until we can afford a car with rear air and tinted windows. I don't think getting red is really necessary for making the baby comfortable.

Edit: We also have the car seat/stroller combo in black/dark gray.

leoandethansmom · October 2014

LovesBooks said:
Question: I decided on a black stroller. It also comes in red. I'm not a huge fan of the color red. My mom and husband both think that the baby will roast in a black stroller when the sun is out. Do I need to live with red since it will be better for baby? Anyone else have experience with colors of strollers?

Our stroller and car seat are all black, we've never had any problems with heat and we live on an island in South Texas.

Annya26 · October 2014

Cloth diapering is awesome, and not that much extra work. Totally worth it for the benefits! Personally I waited and will wait again until a month or two in when I had a better grip on life before starting.

Pacifiers were my best friend. I was nervous to use them because I didn't want to interfere with breastfeeding but my mom (I forgot to tell her) gave him one on day 2 and we never looked back. He ditched it himself at 10 months.

Someone asked about pumping if you are having trouble breastfeeding. That's a loaded question because it depends on the issues you are having. I cannot stress enough how wonderful lactation consultants! From my experience (and I meet a LOT of new moms) many nurses are not trained properly in breastfeeding of often give bad advice, such as "your baby is crying because he is hungry, you need to give him formula" which is not true and interferes in a big way with milk coming in.

taylojade57 · October 2014

This is more of a pregnancy question... If I need to go see the doctor for something pregnancy related, but not baby related (my tailbone hurts pretty bad), do I go to the ob, or my general doctor? I'll be calling later today for an appointment, I just don't really know where to go.
Thank you!

[Deleted User] · October 2014

The user and all related content has been deleted.

CandEChicago · October 2014

taylojade57 said:
This is more of a pregnancy question... If I need to go see the doctor for something pregnancy related, but not baby related (my tailbone hurts pretty bad), do I go to the ob, or my general doctor? I'll be calling later today for an appointment, I just don't really know where to go.
Thank you!

Call your OB. The cocoix (sp?) Can be impacted. I am in PT and spent $15 on the donut butt cushion (donut of shame) and I am doing better.

BabyByTim · October 2014

ssebens said:
@BabyByTim‌ I'm a first time mom so I definitely get where you are coming from with not being sure what questions even to ask. I definitely think hanging around the D14 board has helped me sooo much. There are things brought up here all the time that I would never even think of. I love it.

About your doctor's appointments, that is pretty much how mine have gone too. In and out really quickly. So I don't think it is your office, I just think that's pretty typical.

Thank you. I agree I might be a little lost without the advice on this page. It's good to know that this is how most Dr's are and that mine is not just lazy!

BabyByTim · October 2014

Eora3 said:
@BabyByTim‌ unless you ask questions, your doctors don't know what you want to know. If you want to know what they would predict for your delivery experience, ask them! The doctors are there to keep you and baby healthy. They don't have time to educate each patient on all aspects of labor and delivery.

Your hospital will probably offer classes and tours of their facilities. You may also want to get a book or two if you want more details.

Thank you, after reading this I have signed both myself and my husband up for a hospital tour and baby classes through the hospital.

BabyByTim · October 2014

bowlwoman said:

sysakbaby said:

@misschristinemarie When my husband and I did the L&D tour at our hospital birth center they were telling us how insurance covers 2 nights stay with vaginal delivery and 3+ nights depending on circumstances with c-section. I looked at the midwife and said "Is there any way I won't have to stay here 24 hours."

She looked at me like I had 3 heads. And then told me that no pediatrician would clear the infant to leave in less than 24 hours and we couldn't leave before that. She didn't say anything about pooping though lol.

Can you tell I hate hospitals?

sysakbaby I don't doubt this. With DD2 I had her at 2:14 PM on a Wednesday, and I was ready to go home at 7AM on Thursday. My OB cleared me, and said as soon as the pediatrician cleared the baby, we could go. We had to wait until 2PM so they could do a test that they had to run when she was 24 hours old, then they discharged us. We were home by 4:00 that afternoon. So, my total hospital stay from induction start to getting home was less than 36 hours. BUT, we did have to wait until the baby was 24 hours old before we could go.

With DD1, I stayed the full two days.

So, I have a question for the FTMs out there. Have you read your car seat manual yet or played around with how it works, straps, getting it in/out of the car and base? The reason I ask is because DH and I didn't with DD1, and we really should have. It's not as intuitive as you think it is, and I was afraid we were going to squash the baby because we didn't know how to loosen the harness.

My DH and I played with three or four car seats at the store before deciding on the one we chose (uppababy messa) we played for a while with proper installation. We briefly played with the straps but I guess it would make sense to know 100% how they work prior to baby.
I love that a lot of stores allow you to go in and play with the product because my DH and I are not opening boxes of baby equipment until after baby is born. My DH will have time to install the car seat while I'm in the hospital recovering with baby.

bowlwoman · October 2014

taylojade57 said:
This is more of a pregnancy question... If I need to go see the doctor for something pregnancy related, but not baby related (my tailbone hurts pretty bad), do I go to the ob, or my general doctor? I'll be calling later today for an appointment, I just don't really know where to go.
Thank you!

@taylojade57‌ Definitely check in with your OB, but also be prepared for your OB to refer you to your regular doctor or a specialist. My OB has my regular doctor handling my hypothyroid because it was diagnosed right before I got pregnant, so he's happy to hand off the medication adjustments and blood testing to them. I just make sure I keep everyone copied on blood test results.

Also, I had a rash under my wedding ring with DD2, and he told me to go to my dermatologist. So, it depends on how much your OB wants to deal with it and how much your OB wants someone else to deal with it.

soulcupcake · October 2014

@LadyThrice

You can sometimes tell baby's position once they're big enough to really palpate through the abdomen. An OB or midwife can tell whether baby is vertex, transverse or breech by palpating the abdomen/fundus.

You can also look up belly mapping on spinning babies that will give you a good idea how baby is position. Hiccups felt low often means baby is vertex, and kicks felt at the top of the uterus or near the ribs.

My little one seems to change position frequently still, but may settle in a few weeks, hopefully.

JRod13 · October 2014

I'd keep checking it and if it keeps dropping call the doc, and of course if you feel any weird symptoms. Def bring it up at your ob's appointment.

ninee88 · October 2014

How big was your stomach a few days post birth? How long did it take to not look pregnant? I know there was a thread on this a while back, but just curious for a little more input. I certainly wasn't in fabulous shape pre-pregnancy, but had sort of just assumed I'd go back to pre pregnancy (plus a little extra skin maybe?) within a week or so. When I went to one the hospital's classes there was a mom there 1 month PP and and still had quite a belly (maybe 6 months along looking?) Is this normal or does it just take a while?

bowlwoman · October 2014

ashtonkitty1 said:
I have an insurance question for the baby. We plan to add the baby to my husband's insurance, not mine (We each have our own policies through work). How do I maneuver that? Is everything in the hospital under my insurance or does everything that is done on the baby done separately through her own policy?

@ashtonkitty1‌ Our insurance policy states we need to contact them within 30 days of the baby's birth to get the baby added. I'd have your husband contact his insurance company to find out what their procedures are, then also call the hospital so they know that you and the baby will be on different policies after it's born.

Also, if you preregister at your hospital, this is information they'll want to know.

Manateearmz · October 2014

@ashtonkitty1‌ contact his insurance shortly after the baby's birth to add to the correct insurance. Let the hospital know what policy the baby will be under. As soon as the baby is out they start racking up their own bill. All newborn shots/test/post labor care preformed on the baby will go under that policy. Don't be surprised when that bill comes in, since typically that means yet another deductible.

Manateearmz · October 2014

@ninee88‌ I left looking 6 months pregnant and about 15 lbs lighter. It took about another month to look like I just had a spare tire around my waist.

@MissChristineMarie‌ my BP has been very low at my last few appointments. They tell me that it's fine, but for sure bring it up.

ninee88 · October 2014

Manateearmz said:

@ninee88‌ I left looking 6 months pregnant and about 15 lbs lighter. It took about another month to look like I just had a spare tire around my waist. @MissChristineMarie‌ my BP has been very low at my last few appointments. They tell me that it's fine, but for sure bring it up.

Thanks! And was the 1 moth pp spare tire still more than what you had pre-pregnancy or normal for you at that point? Sorry for the invasive question!

Manateearmz · October 2014

@ninee88‌ no, the spare tire wasn't typical for me. It took 9 months to get back to my PP weight and probably another year for everything to sit where it was PP.

A lot of mamas get hung up on getting back into what was normal for them, and some are able to do it right away. Remember that whatever shape you're in it took 9 months to get there so it's not going to snap right back. Along with the weight gain, your bones have also shifted (hips and ribs expanding) as well as organs shifting into strange spots. Focus on being healthy and try to remember that it just takes time.

bowlwoman · October 2014

Manateearmz said:
@ashtonkitty1‌ contact his insurance shortly after the baby's birth to add to the correct insurance. Let the hospital know what policy the baby will be under. As soon as the baby is out they start racking up their own bill. All newborn shots/test/post labor care preformed on the baby will go under that policy. Don't be surprised when that bill comes in, since typically that means yet another deductible.

Jinx!

nopegoat · October 2014

@ninee88‌ here is a comparison picture of me the day I went into labor with my second and then almost 3wks after. I think it took a few more months for it to go down even more. It never fully returned to normal though. Those last 10lbs stuck with me till I got pregnant again.

ninee88 · October 2014

kdm06c said:

@ninee88‌ here is a comparison picture of me the day I went into labor with my second and then almost 3wks after. I think it took a few more months for it to go down even more. It never fully returned to normal though. Those last 10lbs stuck with me till I got pregnant again.

Thanks for sharing! I tend to run on the heavy side and just worry that I'll just stay fairly large. Either way, I'll have a snuggly new son, so totally worth it!

AllTheTeaInChina · October 2014

ninee88 said:
How big was your stomach a few days post birth? How long did it take to not look pregnant? I know there was a thread on this a while back, but just curious for a little more input. I certainly wasn't in fabulous shape pre-pregnancy, but had sort of just assumed I'd go back to pre pregnancy (plus a little extra skin maybe?) within a week or so. When I went to one the hospital's classes there was a mom there 1 month PP and and still had quite a belly (maybe 6 months along looking?) Is this normal or does it just take a while?

I felt like a deflated balloon when I left the hospital. I would say maybe 4-5mo pregnant looking. By 2 weeks pp I was fitting into pre-preg pants. I gained 30lb last pregnancy and was back to pre-preg wt by 4 weeks. The little belly bulge never really went away but I did continue to lose wt over the next several months-- thanks to BFing.

leoandethansmom · October 2014

@Nine88 my stomach was pretty squishy for about a month I think. I was -50 pounds from pre pregnancy at 3 months but it was because I was BF and also had an infection that went undetected for 5 months so my body was seriously lacking in nutrients.

Annya26 · October 2014

I think everyone is very different for how quickly their body snaps back. Mine was back to normal about 9 months out. By a year I had lost an additional 15lbs (all from breastfeeding - I didn't try at all to lose weight or work out)

I definitely still looked pregnant for a while after delivering though.

Also just an FYI even if your pre pregnancy jeans don't fit after you hit your pre pregnancy weight keep them! I was down to below pre preg weight and couldn't get my jeans up, within a couple of months my hips finally came back together and everything fit again.

[Deleted User] · October 2014

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sysakbaby · October 2014

Anna930 said:

Here's a question that the answer is probably "suck it up and deal for the next 2 months". I have a job where I sit for 8 hours a day. I lean back as much as I can but obviously typing I have to be pretty upright. The last week or so my ribs have been killing me when I have to sit upright for so long as if they're spreading on one side (probably because they are!). Has anyone found any relief for this? Would it help to ice/warm that side in the evening when I'm home? Any stretches that might help?

I'm carrying pretty low, but when sitting the rib pressure is a lot. Will certainly also ask at my birthing class on Thursday

I have been facing the same issue. What has helped for me is bringing in a yoga ball to sit on. I sit on it for about 30min when Im feeling really uncomfortable and then return to my chair. I rotate my hips and pelvis while on the ball to stretch out a bit. The large ball Im using is the same height as my desk chair so no issues typing at all.

I also try to go for a walk at lunch time, and get up to talk to co-workers rather than email to get more out of the chair time.

This stuff helps but I still have uncomfortable times every day.

leoandethansmom · October 2014

this+lullaby said:

I have a question that just came up for me yesterday. DH & I were at a family wedding and his aunt mentioned that they will be having a retirement party for her on January 10, so please save the date - she then said you'll be able to travel with the baby by then, right? Because she'll be at least 4 weeks old (my EDD is December 1)? I was caught a little off guard because I hadn't really planned to travel with her until she was older (maybe 6-8 weeks). I gave a noncommittal answer and said well as a FTM I'm not totally sure where we'll be by around that time but we'll see and hopefully we'll be able to make it.

I know that if we go or don't go his aunt won't be upset so the question really isn't about that, I just wanted to hear from STMs on whether traveling with a 4 week old newborn is really feasible/wise/if you've done it in the past. We would be driving about 2 hours away to the party. I did some research and saw varying answers - most said that newborns are usually fairly easy to travel with since they're still sleeping so much at this point, but I'm more worried about her being around a large crowd of people and catching something while we're there since I know everyone will want to hold her and pass her around. DH's entire family will likely be there including at least several school age children.

What do you think- am I being overly cautious/paranoid or are my instincts right, which is to decline large gatherings until she's at least a little older and has more of her vaccinations?

My mom and I were just talking about this yesterday. They always host a new year's party and we have family friends that travel from around the country. I never get to go because I can't get time off work but since I will be off this year she was asking if we would be coming. I just can't see travelling with a possible 4-6 week old baby on an airplane during cold and flu season. I think we might host the party at our house so everyone can still be together but I'm still going to have a pretty hands off policy with the baby. I don't enjoy watching the pass the baby game when I know the baby isn't fully vaccinated at that point.

Cheekers2010 · October 2014

this+lullaby said:

I have a question that just came up for me yesterday. DH & I were at a family wedding and his aunt mentioned that they will be having a retirement party for her on January 10, so please save the date - she then said you'll be able to travel with the baby by then, right? Because she'll be at least 4 weeks old (my EDD is December 1)? I was caught a little off guard because I hadn't really planned to travel with her until she was older (maybe 6-8 weeks). I gave a noncommittal answer and said well as a FTM I'm not totally sure where we'll be by around that time but we'll see and hopefully we'll be able to make it.

I know that if we go or don't go his aunt won't be upset so the question really isn't about that, I just wanted to hear from STMs on whether traveling with a 4 week old newborn is really feasible/wise/if you've done it in the past. We would be driving about 2 hours away to the party. I did some research and saw varying answers - most said that newborns are usually fairly easy to travel with since they're still sleeping so much at this point, but I'm more worried about her being around a large crowd of people and catching something while we're there since I know everyone will want to hold her and pass her around. DH's entire family will likely be there including at least several school age children.

What do you think- am I being overly cautious/paranoid or are my instincts right, which is to decline large gatherings until she's at least a little older and has more of her vaccinations?

I would play it by ear. I wouldn't be worried about the travel part at all. Two hours is no big deal. I wouldn't want baby passed around, though. So, I think if you want to go, you should wear her in a Moby or another kind of baby wrap. That way no one will get the idea that they can just pick her up.

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