Laughing to myself that she thinks she will just talk with BF and that will be all it takes to make the relationship like it was in the beginning... Newsflash, I don't think it's ever like it was in the beginning.
Also dead horse but a year is nothing. Break it off now if you have doubts.
I haven't read all of the replies yet, but I read the first few and they were great advice. I have been through something similar but on the side of your SO.
You are EMOTIONALLY cheating by having romantic feelings about another guy. All it takes is someone to make you smile, spend time with you, and share with you that they have romatic feelings and attractions. I'm not trying to sound like a heartless bitch, but that is the reality. Another thing to point out is by the fact that your SO is confronting you about the dream, he already suspects something is going on. I highly recommend taking a step back and analyzing what could be making you seek out a romatic relationship with someone else other than your SO. Is it because he's not ready for a baby? Has he stopped making you smile? Has your sex life not been up to par? Is there something that is lacking from your life? Don't feel obligated to answers these to me, you need to answer them for your self. Don't immediately answer them, take a moment to honestly think about them, then answer them. If you honestly want to continue your relationship with your current SO, then I would recommend telling your college friend that you will not be spending anymore alone time together and any interactions will be strictly for class, nothing else. I truly hope you can find the answers needed for your decision.
Here's my "old lady" advice as one of the older ones on the board.
A relationship you have at 20 can work out. There are certainly situations where it does. (I married my college boyfriend). However, there is a greater likelihood that it will not work out. There is a lot of growing that is done in your twenties. Your brain is not even fully developed at 20.
It is completely normal to be attracted to many men in your early 20s. There is no law that says you need to settle down with one man and marry him by a certain age. If you want to pursue something with college guy, then I think you should - after breaking up with Craig. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. Doesn't mean there's anything wrong with your relationship with Craig. But tying yourself down to a person based on age and what you think you should be doing is a bad idea , which you realize once you are old and wise.
I can relate. I too, am at the center of a love triangle: last night I had a dream that I had sexy time with Jonah Hill. I woke up and told my husband and he said "invite me to the wedding" and "send alimony". The struggle is real. :x
This signature is all for YOU. I'm on mobile and can't see crap.
I can relate. I too, am at the center of a love triangle: last night I had a dream that I had sexy time with Jonah Hill. I woke up and told my husband and he said "invite me to the wedding" and "send alimony". The struggle is real. :x
this is amazing. You are amazing. Your husband is amazing!
Married 9/2007
TTC #1 since 1/2014
Me: 30 DH: 31
Sep14: 7DPO testing for short LP - low progesterone (4.9ng/mL)
You are young and for the love of God you're in college. Dump the boyfriend, get on birth control, and have all the sex.
All the protected sex I mean, but still, have so much sex. That's what I would do if I could do it all over.
Seriously. I agonized over my early college relationship. When I think back to all the dick I could have had... I should have been throwing my pussy at dudes like a facehugger out of Aliens.
THIS.
29, married & mom to one little dude I enjoy reality tv, true crime stories, lime-a-ritas, and pizza..
I had a whole thing typed out but then deleted it b/c I looked at your other posts and my advice is now this:
You're 20 and you're in college. Stop trying to have a baby. Finish school. That should be your focus.
I feel the need to reiterate... STOP trying to have a baby.
^^^ this is where I am. Pump the breaks on the house, baby & marriage. Give yourself a break. It isn't even about this emotional affair (which is not fair to the partner you are currently commited to) , but what you want for you. You need to cut them both lose & work on yourself.
If you insist on TTC with Craig then cut communication with this other dude. However, I don't think it's fair to any future baby to conceive them with someone you could even entertain the idea of leaving & you aren't 100% committed to.
Please don't make any future kid pay for a cruddy decision. Grow up a bit then take on the rest.
Just about to catch up on what's happening. It's not that I'm giving you all the brush off. I just need time to process your advice. I will take it on board even though I have made up my mind. I will still listen to your advice. After tonight though I will be taking a break from the bump. It's only healthy
Our Anniversary:- 06.02.2014
Our LOs ED: - 06.04.2015
romantic movie couple for February:- Damon & Elena
Here are some thoughts from a woman old enough to be your mother(not a comment on your age just the amount of life experience I have). This other guy is not the problem, he is a symptom. There is something attracting you to him that you are not getting from your boyfriend. Either that or you are one of those people that is addicted to chaos so you are subconsciously creating in your life. Is your boyfriend giving you attention? Are you the type of person who needs more attention than only one man can give? Is he romantic enough or are you missing those butterflies that you get when you first fall in love so you are seeking it out in another? Of course in comparison college boy is going to be attractive to you. You haven't seen any of his flaws yet. He's perfect and your BF is real. I think you are just using this guy as an escape from reality. The reality that you are moving very fast and are taking on major life commitments that would be stressful for a couple of 20 years. So here's the hard truth. I don't think you should be buying a house, renovating a house, getting married or even thinking about having a baby with this man. Just live for you right now. Graduate from college. Get a job that you love. Consider whether or not you might want to travel or go to graduate school. I don't care how mature a 20 year old you are. Because of your limited time on this planet, you couldn't possibly have had the amount of life experience you need or deserve. When you are whole, then you start deciding who you want to be with for the rest of your life and father your children. Sure you can stay with your boyfriend through all of this if you choose. If he is the one, he will support you and be there when the time is right,
I will try and keep this short and sweet but I need some advice female to female. I have found myself in a very confusing situation. I am now a full time college student. I am in a serious long term relationship and I love my boyfriend dearly, we are in the middle moving into our first house. Anyway, I've met this man in my class and have became quite good friends with him. When I first met him I thought he looked nice, nothing more. Didn't think anything else of it. It was just looking. We got to know each other more. Then one of the lecturers commented on our chemistry, which we both laughed off of course and I confirmed I had a boyfriend. We got let out of class early and went down to the dock near our campus. I started talking about how silly it was of the lecturer to say that. Then he admitted that he was attracted to me and that we had chemistry. To which I agreed, yes there is a spark there but nothing will ever happen as I am happy with my boyfriend. Now for the complicated part.. He makes me laugh and makes me feel good about myself, My boyfriend and I have been together a year and he makes me feel the same but I catch myself thinking of my college friend.. and even more so when my boyfriend and I have words or disagree. This morning I mumbled in my sleep whilst my partner was beside me.. I said "Craig (My Partner) isn't here..". Now I would never cheat and have no intention too. My partner confronted me on his lunch today from work asking what I meant. I don't remember dreaming anything and I explained that maybe in my dream someone was asking of his whereabouts. Really, I'm thinking in my dream I thought he was my college friend. I contacted my college friend and said that any attraction that is there has to be ignored and we are just friends. How do I deal with these confusing thoughts. How can I stop my mind from wandering to another man when I am happy and want to marry my partner and have a child.. I don't understand it.. Any advice?. My college guy is a good friend so I wouldn't want to stop talking to him or spending my college days with him. Has anyone experienced this. Am I a bad person..? Just to remind everyone nothing has happened between me and this other man.. It's just the thoughts. I love my partner so much. That wasn't really short and sweet..
Hope you've all had a better day than I have..:(
Edit: Gif Fail.
QFP lady
Married 9/2007
TTC #1 since 1/2014
Me: 30 DH: 31
Sep14: 7DPO testing for short LP - low progesterone (4.9ng/mL)
Just about to catch up on what's happening. It's not that I'm giving you all the brush off. I just need time to process your advice. I will take it on board even though I have made up my mind. I will still listen to your advice. After tonight though I will be taking a break from the bump. It's only healthy
Don't just take a break from the bump. Take a break from TTC. And definitely from other guy and maybe from the first guy too.
Since it doesn't seem to have sunk in the first 500 times.
January Siggy Challenge: Happy Dance
BFP #1: 10-25-11, MC: 11-1-11 @ 5w5d BFP#2: 12-29-11, DS born September 2012 TFAS: July 2014, BFP#3: 12-29-14, EDD 9-9-15
So it's not rude when you are all laughing at the situation?. I don't appreciate the use of his name in a way that isn't helpful or is making fun of the situation. Goodnight, thank you for advice sorry you thought I was brushing you all off. I wasn't. I said my thank you's
Our Anniversary:- 06.02.2014
Our LOs ED: - 06.04.2015
romantic movie couple for February:- Damon & Elena
Maybe you love the idea of getting married and having babies and being a wife, OP, but your post is telling me that if you really love your boyfriend and you want a future, you need to step back and put things into perspective. I wish you had gone to him to have this conversation actually, and I'm having a hard time getting over the fact that you brushed all of our advice to the side. When I read your post I truly and honestly wanted to help you because like a lot of the other posters, I can see the deeper meaning of what you're asking and I honestly feel for you.
Oh God, this is what I'm getting, so much this. I think this is exactly where you're at, OP, and you know that your best shot at it is to stay with your current SO so you don't have to start over.
Look, there's no brass ring you grab for walking down the aisle with the first person you say 'I love you' to. There's no pot of gold given for being the girl who marries their only serious relationship. I'm not saying it can't or shouldn't, be done, I've seen it done sucessfully, but there's nothing that says you have to do it.
You are at the beginning. A relationship can't be like it was the first 3 months all the time. If this relationship not being like that is something that makes you look elsewhere, then maybe it's not the relationship for you. It doesn't make you a bad person, it doesn't mean you did anything wrong. You love your SO, and that's great, but love is not everything here. Also, especially if you never had a lot of it, I totally get the attention from college boy being like a drug. Here's someone who is attracted to you and has chemistry with you and you get to have his attention while still having the stability of the SO at home. Danger, Will Robinson! That's a recipe for disaster. As Biblio said, welcome to Clusterfuck Township. It's not a pleasant place to visit.
I had two multi-year serious relationships before I met H. One of them I left for H. I loved those other guys, I really did, at the time. On the other hand, I'm H's first serious relationship and first, and only, sexual partner. We're both sides of the mirror in the same picture. You might be someone who needs to go out and have experiences before you settle down. And you might not, but clinging on to your relationship and ignoring everyone's good advice and your own gut feelings might not lead anywhere good.
TTC #1 since 11/2012 Me-31, H-27 **Loss 1-Cycle 7(June 2013) at 5w6d-CP**Loss 2-Cycle 11(October 2013) at 5w4d-CP** **Loss 3-Cycle 14 (January-February 2014)-M/C dx 2/10, EP dx 2/24, MTX 2/25** Beta Hell--hCG finally down to 0 - 6/20/14 SA normal. Genetic testing normal. Hormonal testing normal. HSG 6/30/14 - found blocked left tube and 2 'bubbles' on uterine wall. Hysteroscopy/Lap--8/4/14 - Tubes unblocked. Polyps removed from uterine wall. Septum removed. 9/30/14--Off the bench! Unmedicated TI through December 2014 BFP 12/14/14!!! Beta #1, 12/16: 990 Beta #2, 12/18: Over 2000! Beta #3, 12/22: over 8000! U/S #1, 12/23: gestational sac, possible heartbeat U/S #2, 12/30: HEARTBEAT! 128bpm, measuring right on at 7w EDD: 8/19/2015 U/S #3, 1/9: BPM in the 180s, IT'S HAPPENING!!!
Not cool, op. Not cool. After all the threads you started you should know better than to dd and AND never make the title a . Think of the people that want to read this. Dont be selfish.
But really, take some time for yourself. Do some growing alone.
Not cool, op. Not cool. After all the threads you started you should know better than to dd and AND never make the title a . Think of the people that want to read this. Dont be selfish.
But really, take some time for yourself. Do some growing alone.
I'm sorry I just got offended when people where going 'oh maybe Craig will fight for her blah blah blah' no need. I listened to everything. Took it in. I was being serious when I posted and it means a lot to me.
Our Anniversary:- 06.02.2014
Our LOs ED: - 06.04.2015
romantic movie couple for February:- Damon & Elena
Maybe you love the idea of getting married and having babies and being a wife, OP, but your post is telling me that if you really love your boyfriend and you want a future, you need to step back and put things into perspective. I wish you had gone to him to have this conversation actually, and I'm having a hard time getting over the fact that you brushed all of our advice to the side. When I read your post I truly and honestly wanted to help you because like a lot of the other posters, I can see the deeper meaning of what you're asking and I honestly feel for you.
Oh God, this is what I'm getting, so much this. I think this is exactly where you're at, OP, and you know that your best shot at it is to stay with your current SO so you don't have to start over.
Look, there's no brass ring you grab for walking down the aisle with the first person you say 'I love you' to. There's no pot of gold given for being the girl who marries their only serious relationship. I'm not saying it can't or shouldn't, be done, I've seen it done sucessfully, but there's nothing that says you have to do it.
You are at the beginning. A relationship can't be like it was the first 3 months all the time. If this relationship not being like that is something that makes you look elsewhere, then maybe it's not the relationship for you. It doesn't make you a bad person, it doesn't mean you did anything wrong. You love your SO, and that's great, but love is not everything here. Also, especially if you never had a lot of it, I totally get the attention from college boy being like a drug. Here's someone who is attracted to you and has chemistry with you and you get to have his attention while still having the stability of the SO at home. Danger, Will Robinson! That's a recipe for disaster. As Biblio said, welcome to Clusterfuck Township. It's not a pleasant place to visit.
I had two multi-year serious relationships before I met H. One of them I left for H. I loved those other guys, I really did, at the time. On the other hand, I'm H's first serious relationship and first, and only, sexual partner. We're both sides of the mirror in the same picture. You might be someone who needs to go out and have experiences before you settle down. And you might not, but clinging on to your relationship and ignoring everyone's good advice and your own gut feelings might not lead anywhere good.
This.
Is basically what is going on. I didn't mean to brush it to the side. Sorry it was taken that way. I'm not trying to be a b*tch. I'm just trying to make friends and be happy. After tonight I probably will leave. Not because I went in a mood or got offended but because I don't think I fit in here and I keep digging myself deeper.
Our Anniversary:- 06.02.2014
Our LOs ED: - 06.04.2015
romantic movie couple for February:- Damon & Elena
Um...I just took the time out to write a fucking novel for you. Do NOT delete this thread.
I won't delete it. I just think what I asked has been answered. I just said that because I was offended. I wouldn't do that. I appreciate it all. I deleted titled and description because I have my answer.
Our Anniversary:- 06.02.2014
Our LOs ED: - 06.04.2015
romantic movie couple for February:- Damon & Elena
Not cool, op. Not cool. After all the threads you started you should know better than to dd and AND never make the title a . Think of the people that want to read this. Dont be selfish.
But really, take some time for yourself. Do some growing alone.
I'm sorry I just got offended when people where going 'oh maybe Craig will fight for her blah blah blah' no need. I listened to everything. Took it in. I was being serious when I posted and it means a lot to me.
Who said craig will fight for you? But really, it came off to me at least as if you were trying to convince both us and yourself that you are so in love with your bf.
If you say "i am in love with my bf BUT..." then you need to take a real break and figure things out on your own. There should never be a "but" and you shouldn't have to declare your love 15 times to make us believe it.
DAMNIT OP!! I was in the middle of reading this clusterfuck and you go and DD when I'm on page 2?! From the info I got so far: you're young & immature, incredibly insecure & looking for love in the wrong places. I get the feeling it's not so much "I'm happy with my boyfriend & want to be with him" & more like "I'm scared to be on my own." I suggest you step back from both Craig & college friend and work on your own issues before moving forward.
So it's not rude when you are all laughing at the situation?. I don't appreciate the use of his name in a way that isn't helpful or is making fun of the situation. Goodnight, thank you for advice sorry you thought I was brushing you all off. I wasn't. I said my thank you's
I didn't read anything that was rude and that included your BF name. I think you're a bit over sensitive right now as you may not have heard what you wanted to hear.
You've been given solid advice. Take it or leave it but you can't keep going the way you are with both guys. And I'll second what others have said... If you get excited because you're seeing college dude, then it may be time to reevaluate your relationship with BF.
Someone said something along the lines of "she wants him to fight for her"
Our Anniversary:- 06.02.2014
Our LOs ED: - 06.04.2015
romantic movie couple for February:- Damon & Elena
I can't believe this shit. Deleting should be against TOU. It's much more offense and rude to me than anything GM ever did. That's the last time I spend that much time giving a new poster advice. Done.
I want to be clear that the reason I went there with my first paragraph is because I was that girl in my first relationship (18-21). I wanted to get married either my last year of college or the summer after, he'd work for his dad's company, we could move back to the country he was from (England) and I'd get to have babies and be a 'young mom' and stay home and it would be cottage perfect. As that relationship wound down, I realized that I had this plan that was a)not at all what he wanted and b) he would have been interchangeable in it.
I wanted to do that because, in a way, it would have kept me from having to make decisions about where my life was going and what I was going to do. And I clung to that relationship for way longer than was healthy, not just because I loved him, but also because I loved my 'plan'. Not smart.
It's okay to be fickle, especially at 20, as long as you're trying your best not to hurt anyone too badly. I mean, breaking up with your SO would probably hurt him short-term, but waiting until you get further into this and just 'letting things happen' would be worse in the long run.
TTC #1 since 11/2012 Me-31, H-27 **Loss 1-Cycle 7(June 2013) at 5w6d-CP**Loss 2-Cycle 11(October 2013) at 5w4d-CP** **Loss 3-Cycle 14 (January-February 2014)-M/C dx 2/10, EP dx 2/24, MTX 2/25** Beta Hell--hCG finally down to 0 - 6/20/14 SA normal. Genetic testing normal. Hormonal testing normal. HSG 6/30/14 - found blocked left tube and 2 'bubbles' on uterine wall. Hysteroscopy/Lap--8/4/14 - Tubes unblocked. Polyps removed from uterine wall. Septum removed. 9/30/14--Off the bench! Unmedicated TI through December 2014 BFP 12/14/14!!! Beta #1, 12/16: 990 Beta #2, 12/18: Over 2000! Beta #3, 12/22: over 8000! U/S #1, 12/23: gestational sac, possible heartbeat U/S #2, 12/30: HEARTBEAT! 128bpm, measuring right on at 7w EDD: 8/19/2015 U/S #3, 1/9: BPM in the 180s, IT'S HAPPENING!!!
Hm. Well I just taught sixth grade music in the time it took for this to pretty much go down exactly as I expected. :::shrug:::
*Your friendly resident herbalist. Ask me for facts about herbs--maybe I can help!*
TTC #1 8/2012~Chronic Pelvic Pain Condition began 10/2012~Told I was crazy by many doctors until a good specialist DXed a labral tear and bone impingement in left hip 4/2013~Surgery on left hip: 5/31/13 SUCCESS!!! Pain flares to continue indefinitely (but mostly gone).
Resumed TTC 6/2013~Chronic stomach pain and distension: 8/2013~TTA 1/2014 Until Resolved ~7/2014: Trip to the Mayo Clinic--SUCCESS!! Finally on the road to getting better.
Resumed TTC 7/2014! Third time's the charm....8/2014 Visited the RE~DX: MFI/low morph~Straight to IVF with ICSI! 9/2014~Transferred 1 perfect beautiful 6AA blast with 10 to freeze!!!~10/8/2014: BFP!!!! EDD: 6/17/15 STICK LITTLE BEAN!!! IT'S A BOY!!!!!
Since this turned into a DD and I'm up WAY past my bedtime, I'm going to give my advice to OP:
1. You're whole explanation of the situations with the classmate tells me you were giving him "fuck me" eyes. The fact that you retold those in-class stories to your bf tells me that you need attention. I think you have a need for men (maybe everyone) to find you attractive/like you/pay attention to you. You should look into the source of this, possibly with a therapist. 2. Your classmate sounds like he wants to have sex with you. Since he knows you have a boyfriend and he's still trying his best to get you to think about him and his dick, I doubt he'll really care about you after. 3. Your boyfriend is discussing hours later that you said his name while dreaming and he's suspicious? He sounds jealous to say the least and possessive/controlling at worst. 4. It sounds like you want your relationship to be perfect more than anything else. This is stupid. Your future and happiness, your boyfriend's future and happiness should all come before the relationship. You can both be potentially happy with other people, there is no such thing as "the one." 5. I think you should step-back your relationship and consider having sex on different days with each guys. Maybe throw in a third. Promiscuity is not that bad. 6. Cheating is not the worst thing you could do to someone. For example, your boyfriend would hate you if you cheated on him now with this other guy but imagine if you got married and pregnant because you loved him but you two were actually not a great match for each other and you ended up divorcing and there would be a kid involved. If you had just cheated and ended it in the beginning, it would be a lot less painful for all.
Now I'm off to bed to dream on the college boyfriends I loved with all my heart but somehow put myself in situations where I cheated on them.
J'15 January Signature Challenge: Pinterest Fail: I want to do one, but I was late in starting and now I'm too lazy to get in on it. This is how most of my pinterest fails normally occur, at least I didnt buy supplies.
TTC since March 2014 BFP#1 09/25/2014 EDD 6/4/2015
Since this turned into a DD and I'm up WAY past my bedtime, I'm going to give my advice to OP:
1. You're whole explanation of the situations with the classmate tells me you were giving him "fuck me" eyes. The fact that you retold those in-class stories to your bf tells me that you need attention. I think you have a need for men (maybe everyone) to find you attractive/like you/pay attention to you. You should look into the source of this, possibly with a therapist. 2. Your classmate sounds like he wants to have sex with you. Since he knows you have a boyfriend and he's still trying his best to get you to think about him and his dick, I doubt he'll really care about you after. 3. Your boyfriend is discussing hours later that you said his name while dreaming and he's suspicious? He sounds jealous to say the least and possessive/controlling at worst. 4. It sounds like you want your relationship to be perfect more than anything else. This is stupid. Your future and happiness, your boyfriend's future and happiness should all come before the relationship. You can both be potentially happy with other people, there is no such thing as "the one." 5. I think you should step-back your relationship and consider having sex on different days with each guys. Maybe throw in a third. Promiscuity is not that bad. 6. Cheating is not the worst thing you could do to someone. For example, your boyfriend would hate you if you cheated on him now with this other guy but imagine if you got married and pregnant because you loved him but you two were actually not a great match for each other and you ended up divorcing and there would be a kid involved. If you had just cheated and ended it in the beginning, it would be a lot less painful for all.
Now I'm off to bed to dream on the college boyfriends I loved with all my heart but somehow put myself in situations where I cheated on them.
I feel like this philosophy should be taught in schools. And it's the foundation for a hilarious love song:
dammit...now I really wish my original advice was to fuck them both and then report back here so we could discuss who was better in bed... OP if you're still out there.... just make sure they both wear a condom...
@14whitney and other inquiring minds... The Jonah Hill in my dream was neither 2009 nor 2014... it was Jonah Hill at the Comedy Central Roast of James Franco so I believe that was circa 2013.
I do not have a crush on him IRL. As a matter of fact, when I woke up I looked much like the woman barfing in @hereistreble 's gif.
My talent/nerd crushes are IRL on Mark Ruffalo, Zach Braff (yes, cue the gif again please @hereistreble ), Jon Stewart and the other night's Miss America contestant that did the ventriloquist act.
Inihoo... I'm starting to crush on Craig too because he sounds like such a nice guy. The triangle is now a square. ::drops mic::
Eta: to get ms. treble's name correct.
This signature is all for YOU. I'm on mobile and can't see crap.
I totally thought this was going to be a Twilight thread or something. Close, I guess.
"I am what I am. I would tell you what you want to know if I could, for you have been kind to me. But I am a cat, and no cat anywhere ever gave anyone a straight answer.” ― Peter S. Beagle, The Last Unicorn
@frakenboom, that's where I'm at. I don't want to dismiss on the off chance that she's for real, but there's something about OP that I just can't take seriously.
Luckily, others have given good advice and I've got nothing new to add.
Sorry you feel this way. Whilst I am figuring out my situation I shall do some self soul searching too. Figure it all out. I have made my mind up. I don't want to lose my boyfriend. I am happy. It's just a matter of focusing my mind on my relationship and not on someone who doesn't matter. My 2 cents......if you have to put this much thought into this situation then you shouldn't be with your current boyfriend. Plain and simple.
I'm still new here.....I thought I quoted the OP but it doesn't look this way on my phone. It looks as if I extended the OP's response.....sorry I'll figure this shit out soon!
Re: [Deleted Discussion Title]
DS born Oct. '11
TTC #2 with PCOS since Nov. '13
Dx: Low Progesterone (3.3) on 8/12/14
Waiting for RE appointment on 10/28/14
Surprise BFP on cycle 12 -- 10/19/14!
EDD July 1, 2015
I haven't read all of the replies yet, but I read the first few and they were great advice. I have been through something similar but on the side of your SO.
You are EMOTIONALLY cheating by having romantic feelings about another guy. All it takes is someone to make you smile, spend time with you, and share with you that they have romatic feelings and attractions. I'm not trying to sound like a heartless bitch, but that is the reality. Another thing to point out is by the fact that your SO is confronting you about the dream, he already suspects something is going on. I highly recommend taking a step back and analyzing what could be making you seek out a romatic relationship with someone else other than your SO. Is it because he's not ready for a baby? Has he stopped making you smile? Has your sex life not been up to par? Is there something that is lacking from your life? Don't feel obligated to answers these to me, you need to answer them for your self. Don't immediately answer them, take a moment to honestly think about them, then answer them. If you honestly want to continue your relationship with your current SO, then I would recommend telling your college friend that you will not be spending anymore alone time together and any interactions will be strictly for class, nothing else. I truly hope you can find the answers needed for your decision.
All the protected sex I mean, but still, have so much sex. That's what I would do if I could do it all over.
I enjoy reality tv, true crime stories, lime-a-ritas, and pizza..
A relationship you have at 20 can work out. There are certainly situations where it does. (I married my college boyfriend). However, there is a greater likelihood that it will not work out. There is a lot of growing that is done in your twenties. Your brain is not even fully developed at 20.
It is completely normal to be attracted to many men in your early 20s. There is no law that says you need to settle down with one man and marry him by a certain age. If you want to pursue something with college guy, then I think you should - after breaking up with Craig. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. Doesn't mean there's anything wrong with your relationship with Craig. But tying yourself down to a person based on age and what you think you should be doing is a bad idea , which you realize once you are old and wise.
The struggle is real. :x
THIS.
I enjoy reality tv, true crime stories, lime-a-ritas, and pizza..
If you insist on TTC with Craig then cut communication with this other dude. However, I don't think it's fair to any future baby to conceive them with someone you could even entertain the idea of leaving & you aren't 100% committed to.
Please don't make any future kid pay for a cruddy decision. Grow up a bit then take on the rest.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
Since it doesn't seem to have sunk in the first 500 times.
BFP #1: 10-25-11, MC: 11-1-11 @ 5w5d
BFP#2: 12-29-11, DS born September 2012
TFAS: July 2014, BFP#3: 12-29-14, EDD 9-9-15
Look, there's no brass ring you grab for walking down the aisle with the first person you say 'I love you' to. There's no pot of gold given for being the girl who marries their only serious relationship. I'm not saying it can't or shouldn't, be done, I've seen it done sucessfully, but there's nothing that says you have to do it.
You are at the beginning. A relationship can't be like it was the first 3 months all the time. If this relationship not being like that is something that makes you look elsewhere, then maybe it's not the relationship for you. It doesn't make you a bad person, it doesn't mean you did anything wrong. You love your SO, and that's great, but love is not everything here. Also, especially if you never had a lot of it, I totally get the attention from college boy being like a drug. Here's someone who is attracted to you and has chemistry with you and you get to have his attention while still having the stability of the SO at home. Danger, Will Robinson! That's a recipe for disaster. As Biblio said, welcome to Clusterfuck Township. It's not a pleasant place to visit.
I had two multi-year serious relationships before I met H. One of them I left for H. I loved those other guys, I really did, at the time. On the other hand, I'm H's first serious relationship and first, and only, sexual partner. We're both sides of the mirror in the same picture. You might be someone who needs to go out and have experiences before you settle down. And you might not, but clinging on to your relationship and ignoring everyone's good advice and your own gut feelings might not lead anywhere good.
Me-31, H-27
**Loss 1-Cycle 7(June 2013) at 5w6d-CP**Loss 2-Cycle 11(October 2013) at 5w4d-CP**
**Loss 3-Cycle 14 (January-February 2014)-M/C dx 2/10, EP dx 2/24, MTX 2/25**
Beta Hell--hCG finally down to 0 - 6/20/14
SA normal. Genetic testing normal. Hormonal testing normal.
HSG 6/30/14 - found blocked left tube and 2 'bubbles' on uterine wall.
Hysteroscopy/Lap--8/4/14 - Tubes unblocked. Polyps removed from uterine wall. Septum removed.
9/30/14--Off the bench! Unmedicated TI through December 2014
BFP 12/14/14!!! Beta #1, 12/16: 990 Beta #2, 12/18: Over 2000! Beta #3, 12/22: over 8000!
U/S #1, 12/23: gestational sac, possible heartbeat
U/S #2, 12/30: HEARTBEAT! 128bpm, measuring right on at 7w EDD: 8/19/2015
U/S #3, 1/9: BPM in the 180s, IT'S HAPPENING!!!
But really, take some time for yourself. Do some growing alone.
Look, there's no brass ring you grab for walking down the aisle with the first person you say 'I love you' to. There's no pot of gold given for being the girl who marries their only serious relationship. I'm not saying it can't or shouldn't, be done, I've seen it done sucessfully, but there's nothing that says you have to do it.
You are at the beginning. A relationship can't be like it was the first 3 months all the time. If this relationship not being like that is something that makes you look elsewhere, then maybe it's not the relationship for you. It doesn't make you a bad person, it doesn't mean you did anything wrong. You love your SO, and that's great, but love is not everything here. Also, especially if you never had a lot of it, I totally get the attention from college boy being like a drug. Here's someone who is attracted to you and has chemistry with you and you get to have his attention while still having the stability of the SO at home. Danger, Will Robinson! That's a recipe for disaster. As Biblio said, welcome to Clusterfuck Township. It's not a pleasant place to visit.
I had two multi-year serious relationships before I met H. One of them I left for H. I loved those other guys, I really did, at the time. On the other hand, I'm H's first serious relationship and first, and only, sexual partner. We're both sides of the mirror in the same picture. You might be someone who needs to go out and have experiences before you settle down. And you might not, but clinging on to your relationship and ignoring everyone's good advice and your own gut feelings might not lead anywhere good.
This.
Is basically what is going on.
I didn't mean to brush it to the side. Sorry it was taken that way. I'm not trying to be a b*tch. I'm just trying to make friends and be happy. After tonight I probably will leave. Not because I went in a mood or got offended but because I don't think I fit in here and I keep digging myself deeper.
If you say "i am in love with my bf BUT..." then you need to take a real break and figure things out on your own. There should never be a "but" and you shouldn't have to declare your love 15 times to make us believe it.
I wanted to do that because, in a way, it would have kept me from having to make decisions about where my life was going and what I was going to do. And I clung to that relationship for way longer than was healthy, not just because I loved him, but also because I loved my 'plan'. Not smart.
It's okay to be fickle, especially at 20, as long as you're trying your best not to hurt anyone too badly. I mean, breaking up with your SO would probably hurt him short-term, but waiting until you get further into this and just 'letting things happen' would be worse in the long run.
Me-31, H-27
**Loss 1-Cycle 7(June 2013) at 5w6d-CP**Loss 2-Cycle 11(October 2013) at 5w4d-CP**
**Loss 3-Cycle 14 (January-February 2014)-M/C dx 2/10, EP dx 2/24, MTX 2/25**
Beta Hell--hCG finally down to 0 - 6/20/14
SA normal. Genetic testing normal. Hormonal testing normal.
HSG 6/30/14 - found blocked left tube and 2 'bubbles' on uterine wall.
Hysteroscopy/Lap--8/4/14 - Tubes unblocked. Polyps removed from uterine wall. Septum removed.
9/30/14--Off the bench! Unmedicated TI through December 2014
BFP 12/14/14!!! Beta #1, 12/16: 990 Beta #2, 12/18: Over 2000! Beta #3, 12/22: over 8000!
U/S #1, 12/23: gestational sac, possible heartbeat
U/S #2, 12/30: HEARTBEAT! 128bpm, measuring right on at 7w EDD: 8/19/2015
U/S #3, 1/9: BPM in the 180s, IT'S HAPPENING!!!
TTC #1 8/2012~Chronic Pelvic Pain Condition began 10/2012~Told I was crazy by many doctors until a good specialist DXed a labral tear and bone impingement in left hip 4/2013~Surgery on left hip: 5/31/13 SUCCESS!!! Pain flares to continue indefinitely (but mostly gone).
Resumed TTC 6/2013~Chronic stomach pain and distension: 8/2013~TTA 1/2014 Until Resolved ~7/2014: Trip to the Mayo Clinic--SUCCESS!! Finally on the road to getting better.
Resumed TTC 7/2014! Third time's the charm....8/2014 Visited the RE~DX: MFI/low morph~Straight to IVF with ICSI! 9/2014~Transferred 1 perfect beautiful 6AA blast with 10 to freeze!!!~10/8/2014: BFP!!!! EDD: 6/17/15 STICK LITTLE BEAN!!! IT'S A BOY!!!!!
But I'll admit to being morbidly curious as to what the OP meant by saying that posters calling her boyfriend Craig was disrespectful.
1. You're whole explanation of the situations with the classmate tells me you were giving him "fuck me" eyes. The fact that you retold those in-class stories to your bf tells me that you need attention. I think you have a need for men (maybe everyone) to find you attractive/like you/pay attention to you. You should look into the source of this, possibly with a therapist.
2. Your classmate sounds like he wants to have sex with you. Since he knows you have a boyfriend and he's still trying his best to get you to think about him and his dick, I doubt he'll really care about you after.
3. Your boyfriend is discussing hours later that you said his name while dreaming and he's suspicious? He sounds jealous to say the least and possessive/controlling at worst.
4. It sounds like you want your relationship to be perfect more than anything else. This is stupid. Your future and happiness, your boyfriend's future and happiness should all come before the relationship. You can both be potentially happy with other people, there is no such thing as "the one."
5. I think you should step-back your relationship and consider having sex on different days with each guys. Maybe throw in a third. Promiscuity is not that bad.
6. Cheating is not the worst thing you could do to someone. For example, your boyfriend would hate you if you cheated on him now with this other guy but imagine if you got married and pregnant because you loved him but you two were actually not a great match for each other and you ended up divorcing and there would be a kid involved. If you had just cheated and ended it in the beginning, it would be a lot less painful for all.
Now I'm off to bed to dream on the college boyfriends I loved with all my heart but somehow put myself in situations where I cheated on them.
TTC since March 2014
BFP#1 09/25/2014 EDD 6/4/2015
Me-31, H-27
**Loss 1-Cycle 7(June 2013) at 5w6d-CP**Loss 2-Cycle 11(October 2013) at 5w4d-CP**
**Loss 3-Cycle 14 (January-February 2014)-M/C dx 2/10, EP dx 2/24, MTX 2/25**
Beta Hell--hCG finally down to 0 - 6/20/14
SA normal. Genetic testing normal. Hormonal testing normal.
HSG 6/30/14 - found blocked left tube and 2 'bubbles' on uterine wall.
Hysteroscopy/Lap--8/4/14 - Tubes unblocked. Polyps removed from uterine wall. Septum removed.
9/30/14--Off the bench! Unmedicated TI through December 2014
BFP 12/14/14!!! Beta #1, 12/16: 990 Beta #2, 12/18: Over 2000! Beta #3, 12/22: over 8000!
U/S #1, 12/23: gestational sac, possible heartbeat
U/S #2, 12/30: HEARTBEAT! 128bpm, measuring right on at 7w EDD: 8/19/2015
U/S #3, 1/9: BPM in the 180s, IT'S HAPPENING!!!
dammit...now I really wish my original advice was to fuck them both and then report back here so we could discuss who was better in bed... OP if you're still out there.... just make sure they both wear a condom...
My Chart
My 2 cents......if you have to put this much thought into this situation then you shouldn't be with your current boyfriend. Plain and simple.