Wishing I can be a SAHM (not possible)

NatureLovers · August 2014

AggieMom0809 said:
I don't do direct sales. As I've said before, I started my own company that hes become very successful. I didn't have a huge client base to start out with, but I made it work because I was going to stay at home when my oldest was born. I work during nap/rest time and in the evenings. It's not my kids fault they are on this Earth, so why should I deprive them of the ability to stay with their mother who is suppose to be their to nurture their child?

Oh for crissake. You can fuck right off with that garbage.

NatureLovers · August 2014

Anyone else absolutely hate direct sales? No, I don't want your jewelry, makeup, tupperware, or other shite. It especially drives me bananas when they throw a party and invite you, only to find out they want you to buy crap from them.

NatureLovers · August 2014

ladyamanuet said:

NatureLovers said:

Anyone else absolutely hate direct sales? No, I don't want your jewelry, makeup, tupperware, or other shite. It especially drives me bananas when they throw a party and invite you, only to find out they want you to buy crap from them.

The only one I don't hate is Pure Romance... cuz, you know, yay sex toys!

That is the worst! Last thing I want to do is pick something like that out in front of other people.

motherboy · August 2014

Oops. Don't mind me.

jennyhatt · August 2014

Pure romance!? What the shit!? Is this American only?

AggieMom0809 · August 2014

Blazerbay214 said:

AggieMom0809 said:
I don't do direct sales. As I've said before, I started my own company that hes become very successful. I didn't have a huge client base to start out with, but I made it work because I was going to stay at home when my oldest was born. I work during nap/rest time and in the evenings. It's not my kids fault they are on this Earth, so why should I deprive them of the ability to stay with their mother who is suppose to be their to nurture their child?
Just to make sure I'm understanding...
According to that last sentence, don't have children if you cant stay home to raise them?

That is not what I am saying at all. I just don't like people saying they have to work and can't be a stay at home mom when they haven't tried every option. There are some mothers who do better in a structured work environment and get to go home to the baby when they are off work. I didn't say that makes them any less of a parent. If they want a more cushioned easier life by going to work, that's their prerogative, but don't give the bs that being a sahm isn't possible.

NatureLovers · August 2014

AggieMom0809 said:

Blazerbay214 said:

AggieMom0809 said:
I don't do direct sales. As I've said before, I started my own company that hes become very successful. I didn't have a huge client base to start out with, but I made it work because I was going to stay at home when my oldest was born. I work during nap/rest time and in the evenings. It's not my kids fault they are on this Earth, so why should I deprive them of the ability to stay with their mother who is suppose to be their to nurture their child?
Just to make sure I'm understanding...
According to that last sentence, don't have children if you cant stay home to raise them?

That is not what I am saying at all. I just don't like people saying they have to work and can't be a stay at home mom when they haven't tried every option. There are some mothers who do better in a structured work environment and get to go home to the baby when they are off work. I didn't say that makes them any less of a parent. If they want a more cushioned easier life by going to work, that's their prerogative, but don't give the bs that being a sahm isn't possible.

........

Wow, you just get uglier and more sanctimonious with each post. So now women that work outside the home are selfish and lazy for wanting a "cushier, easier life". Okay.

melmarie4 · August 2014

I don't think it's fair to compare the daycare/job situation when everyone lives in different areas. If you live in an area with a high cost of living, it really might not be feasible to pay for daycare. If you're the breadwinner in the family you probably shouldn't up and quit your job thinking that those pyramid scheme sales jobs are going to make up the difference. If the area where you are living doesn't have many job opportunities, you don't have the options other people do. Basically you can't tell people they can make it work if they really want to when you have no idea of their individual circumstances. Some people can't be SAHMs no matter how hard they keep trying to crunch the numbers. It doesn't make them bad mothers or mean they are choosing the easier path.

3threesacharm · August 2014

You could consider a nanny share if there are any in your area. More affordable and flexible. Also, you might know someone who would let you use their nanny a bit with their children at a fair price. I saw this a lot when I lived in Chicago. Just thoughts.

becks2012 · August 2014

I'm going to ignore the flame war going on, and respond to the OP. Not because I don't think some of you haven't made valid points, it's just that I'm limiting myself to one cup of coffee in the mornings, and I have insufficient caffeine intake to handle any of that.

OP, my heart hurts for any momma who isn't able to make their own decision about working or not. Options simply aren't options sometimes. In my case, the money made the decision. It wasn't what I would have chosen if I'd had an option. It gets easier as your kid gets a little older. It also gets easier if you learn to ignore the various factions that say their way is best, and you're screwing up your kid by doing what makes sense for your family.

My advice for you, is don't ask for advice online. I know, counter intuitive, right? But you've got a hot button topic here, that people like to sound off about. Letting go of mommy guilt is hard enough without someone popping in and sanctimommiously telling you that you are screwing up your kids. If you want to talk, PM me. I'd be happy to listen.

Also, don't feel bad about mourning what you wanted and can't have. It's perfectly normal to resent a difficult choice, and feel bad about making a decision like this. Hugs.

AggieMom0809 · August 2014

NatureLovers said:

I don't do direct sales. As I've said before, I started my own company that hes become very successful. I didn't have a huge client base to start out with, but I made it work because I was going to stay at home when my oldest was born. I work during nap/rest time and in the evenings. It's not my kids fault they are on this Earth, so why should I deprive them of the ability to stay with their mother who is suppose to be their to nurture their child?
Just to make sure I'm understanding... According to that last sentence, don't have children if you cant stay home to raise them?
That is not what I am saying at all. I just don't like people saying they have to work and can't be a stay at home mom when they haven't tried every option. There are some mothers who do better in a structured work environment and get to go home to the baby when they are off work. I didn't say that makes them any less of a parent. If they want a more cushioned easier life by going to work, that's their prerogative, but don't give the bs that being a sahm isn't possible.
........ Wow, you just get uglier and more sanctimonious with each post. So now women that work outside the home are selfish and lazy for wanting a "cushier, easier life". Okay.

Cushier and easier as in more money. Not counting every penny or hoping the milk will last through the end of the week. I could go back to work and we would have a nicer home, not have to deal with tantrums during the day. I could go back to having some adult interaction with some one other than the cashiers on a daily basis. I loved my job, but I felt it was more important for me to raise my child. You choose not to, it's none of my business.

I didn't say working outside the home made you lazy or selfish either. It's like y'all are trying to find a way to gang up on me. (fyi-I'm not going anywhere) Some personalities work better outside the home. That doesn't mean one is better than the other. If we were all the same, there wouldn't be the many people willing to care for the children of those that chose to go back to work.

AggieMom0809 · August 2014

Firefly3911 said:

AggieMom0809 said:

I don't do direct sales. As I've said before, I started my own company that hes become very successful. I didn't have a huge client base to start out with, but I made it work because I was going to stay at home when my oldest was born. I work during nap/rest time and in the evenings. It's not my kids fault they are on this Earth, so why should I deprive them of the ability to stay with their mother who is suppose to be their to nurture their child?
Just to make sure I'm understanding... According to that last sentence, don't have children if you cant stay home to raise them?
That is not what I am saying at all. I just don't like people saying they have to work and can't be a stay at home mom when they haven't tried every option. There are some mothers who do better in a structured work environment and get to go home to the baby when they are off work. I didn't say that makes them any less of a parent. If they want a more cushioned easier life by going to work, that's their prerogative, but don't give the bs that being a sahm isn't possible.

I cannot work and pay for daycare. With a salary of 55-60k and daycare eating 30k, not to mention taxes, gas for commuting, and all the hours spent as a remote consultant and then traveling. Yeah.... Not gonna happen. My being a SAHM is NOT going to be cushy either. My going to work does NOT provide for us to have a cushy lifestyle. It pays into our retirement. You know, so I don't have to work until I'm 90.

So no, SAH is not a choice I would have willingly made because 1) I feel like a daycare with certified teachers will do a hell of a better job prepping my kids for school than I will; 2) daycare provides an environment for my kids to learn and be SOCIAL since there aren't any local mommy groups I'm connected with.

So you agree that it will be a cushier lifestyle by going back to work. You are being a bit extreme, but yes, if you chose to have that cushion of saving more now, it will be a better life later. Otherwise in your case, you'd stay at home and have your SO work for more years or have to work once the kids leave home.

AggieMom0809 · August 2014

melmarie4 said:

I don't think it's fair to compare the daycare/job situation when everyone lives in different areas. If you live in an area with a high cost of living, it really might not be feasible to pay for daycare. If you're the breadwinner in the family you probably shouldn't up and quit your job thinking that those pyramid scheme sales jobs are going to make up the difference. If the area where you are living doesn't have many job opportunities, you don't have the options other people do. Basically you can't tell people they can make it work if they really want to when you have no idea of their individual circumstances. Some people can't be SAHMs no matter how hard they keep trying to crunch the numbers. It doesn't make them bad mothers or mean they are choosing the easier path.

If the cost of living is the issue, why not move?!?! There are plenty of great neighborhood across America and I'm sure other countries that don't cost nearly as much. Again it's another choice you make for yourself and your family. If you are the bread winner, why wouldn't the husband stay at home with the kid(s)?

AggieMom0809 · August 2014

ladyamanuet said:

AggieMom0809 said:

I don't do direct sales. As I've said before, I started my own company that hes become very successful. I didn't have a huge client base to start out with, but I made it work because I was going to stay at home when my oldest was born. I work during nap/rest time and in the evenings. It's not my kids fault they are on this Earth, so why should I deprive them of the ability to stay with their mother who is suppose to be their to nurture their child?
Just to make sure I'm understanding... According to that last sentence, don't have children if you cant stay home to raise them?
That is not what I am saying at all. I just don't like people saying they have to work and can't be a stay at home mom when they haven't tried every option. There are some mothers who do better in a structured work environment and get to go home to the baby when they are off work. I didn't say that makes them any less of a parent. If they want a more cushioned easier life by going to work, that's their prerogative, but don't give the bs that being a sahm isn't possible.

J has three girls that we not only have 45% of the time, he also owes $450 a month child support on. We only have a 2 bedroom apartment (that's all we can afford in this area), so all three girls share a room. The baby will be getting the "sunroom", which is really just an extension of the living room, as a "nursery" - I assure you, us both working isn't to provide us a "cushy, easier lifestyle" - it is to survive. We COULD NOT provide for our children if we both did not work. Take your sancti-mommy shit and shove it right up your ass. It is great that you and your partner/spouse were able to work it so you can stay home. That IS NOT POSSIBLE for everyone, no matter how much they give up.

You are condescending and lack any kind of empathy - you have my pity.

ETA: Don't tell me to just move to a cheaper area. That would mean saying to J "me staying home with my child is more important than us spending as much time as possible with your children" - and I don't think he should have to choose between his children. We sacrifice A LOT for his kids, and are sacrificing more to have this one. You don't get to claim for one second that I get a cushier, easier lifestyle by working.

I'm not going to get into the "you made a choice to take on 3 more mouths." I shared a room with my two sister's growing up. It was cramped, but we dealt with it because we would rather our mother stay home with us than he go to work. Even on months when my father brought home no pay check because the company had to spend more than they made. My mom now works because we are all grown and they are now able to save for retirement. I am very appreciative for the sacrifices they made for my siblings and I. My kids shared a room until recently. We moved to a city where the cost of living was less so that they wouldn't have to. (If it was two of one gender, they'd still be sharing.)

Like I've said, it's not all peachy to go from 2 incomes to 1, but unless you've sacrificed everything you'd had for the sake of your children and it still doesn't work, it's all a bunch of crap excuses for your sake not your child's.

jc51723 · August 2014

AggieMom0809 said:

melmarie4 said:

I don't think it's fair to compare the daycare/job situation when everyone lives in different areas. If you live in an area with a high cost of living, it really might not be feasible to pay for daycare. If you're the breadwinner in the family you probably shouldn't up and quit your job thinking that those pyramid scheme sales jobs are going to make up the difference. If the area where you are living doesn't have many job opportunities, you don't have the options other people do. Basically you can't tell people they can make it work if they really want to when you have no idea of their individual circumstances. Some people can't be SAHMs no matter how hard they keep trying to crunch the numbers. It doesn't make them bad mothers or mean they are choosing the easier path.

If the cost of living is the issue, why not move?!?! There are plenty of great neighborhood across America and I'm sure other countries that don't cost nearly as much. Again it's another choice you make for yourself and your family. If you are the bread winner, why wouldn't the husband stay at home with the kid(s)?

Yeah because it is soooooo easy to pick up and move. Just sell the house real quick, no biggie. And FYI I live in an area with a "low" cost of living and guess what, everything is still freaking expensive!!

YaMrWhite · August 2014

AggieMom0809 said:

I don't do direct sales. As I've said before, I started my own company that hes become very successful. I didn't have a huge client base to start out with, but I made it work because I was going to stay at home when my oldest was born. I work during nap/rest time and in the evenings. It's not my kids fault they are on this Earth, so why should I deprive them of the ability to stay with their mother who is suppose to be their to nurture their child?

I bet she's a SAHM. A stay-at-home-monogrammer.

jc51723 · August 2014

YaMrWhite said:

AggieMom0809 said:

I don't do direct sales. As I've said before, I started my own company that hes become very successful. I didn't have a huge client base to start out with, but I made it work because I was going to stay at home when my oldest was born. I work during nap/rest time and in the evenings. It's not my kids fault they are on this Earth, so why should I deprive them of the ability to stay with their mother who is suppose to be their to nurture their child?

I bet she's a SAHM. A stay-at-home-monogrammer.

I love you.

Lanatir · August 2014

AggieMom0809 said:

melmarie4 said:

I don't think it's fair to compare the daycare/job situation when everyone lives in different areas. If you live in an area with a high cost of living, it really might not be feasible to pay for daycare. If you're the breadwinner in the family you probably shouldn't up and quit your job thinking that those pyramid scheme sales jobs are going to make up the difference. If the area where you are living doesn't have many job opportunities, you don't have the options other people do. Basically you can't tell people they can make it work if they really want to when you have no idea of their individual circumstances. Some people can't be SAHMs no matter how hard they keep trying to crunch the numbers. It doesn't make them bad mothers or mean they are choosing the easier path.

If the cost of living is the issue, why not move?!?! There are plenty of great neighborhood across America and I'm sure other countries that don't cost nearly as much. Again it's another choice you make for yourself and your family. If you are the bread winner, why wouldn't the husband stay at home with the kid(s)?

All military and government jobs. Did you know it was as easy as pick up and move and you'll still have a job that is equal pay (ok, military pay is shit, but still), and equal benefits in your chosen community?!?!?!

Also, husband staying home? Says the woman whose son can't play with dolls and whose husband has never changed a diaper. Wouldn't those kids be in bad shape when daddy doesn't change them while mommy's away?

AggieMom0809 · August 2014

YaMrWhite said:

AggieMom0809 said:

I don't do direct sales. As I've said before, I started my own company that hes become very successful. I didn't have a huge client base to start out with, but I made it work because I was going to stay at home when my oldest was born. I work during nap/rest time and in the evenings. It's not my kids fault they are on this Earth, so why should I deprive them of the ability to stay with their mother who is suppose to be their to nurture their child?

I bet she's a SAHM. A stay-at-home-monogrammer.

Why yes I am!!! And my kids and I love every minute of it!

AggieMom0809 · August 2014

ExcitedMama2 said:

bubbles92382 said:

I am in the same boat and sadly be prepared for the comments you get from people. We can't afford it if I don't go back to work and it's very tough. When I went back with my daughter all of these women said things like... You are back already! When I had my child we did without so I could be home...you can't take any more time? Etc. it was very tough for me. Yesterday at the playground a sahm asked me how long I would take off and said you must be doing at least 12 weeks! I just replied we can't afford too much time and I'll see. Do these people think it is their place?
Same thing here. I had my boss tell me she did 12 weeks (we get six weeks paid) went without pay for the rest. (Boss=way more pay than I am) I had someone else say "you deserve all 12 weeks off". My husband and I can't afford me not being paid too long. Plus it's really no ones business what my husband and I can afford. I've just made it sound like I want to come back to work quickly because I love what I do.

I wish we had more options for paid maternity leave. I would love to be home for at least 12 weeks, but it won't happen. I will have 8 paid (c-section), and then will probably take another 2 weeks vacation...that will only leave me one week for vacation for the rest of the year, but I do have sick days as well.

For what its worth, I do think all of us DESERVE at least 12 weeks, but it isn't possible for a lot of us!

And who should have to pay for that? I can understand wanting 12 weeks off or more, but the company that hired you didn't hire you to stay at home. 3 months is a long time to go with a vacant spot unless what you do isn't that needed in the company, I would expect that spot to be filled in that time.

If you have earned days off, I'm not saying you don't deserve to get to use those even if it's at one time, but if you expect to get days off because you wanted/decided (whatever the case is) to have a baby, the company should not have to suffer.

YaMrWhite · August 2014

AggieMom0809 said:

YaMrWhite said:

AggieMom0809 said:

I don't do direct sales. As I've said before, I started my own company that hes become very successful. I didn't have a huge client base to start out with, but I made it work because I was going to stay at home when my oldest was born. I work during nap/rest time and in the evenings. It's not my kids fault they are on this Earth, so why should I deprive them of the ability to stay with their mother who is suppose to be their to nurture their child?

I bet she's a SAHM. A stay-at-home-monogrammer.

Why yes I am!!! And my kids and I love every minute of it!

AggieMom0809 · August 2014

Lanatir said:

AggieMom0809 said:

melmarie4 said:

I don't think it's fair to compare the daycare/job situation when everyone lives in different areas. If you live in an area with a high cost of living, it really might not be feasible to pay for daycare. If you're the breadwinner in the family you probably shouldn't up and quit your job thinking that those pyramid scheme sales jobs are going to make up the difference. If the area where you are living doesn't have many job opportunities, you don't have the options other people do. Basically you can't tell people they can make it work if they really want to when you have no idea of their individual circumstances. Some people can't be SAHMs no matter how hard they keep trying to crunch the numbers. It doesn't make them bad mothers or mean they are choosing the easier path.

If the cost of living is the issue, why not move?!?! There are plenty of great neighborhood across America and I'm sure other countries that don't cost nearly as much. Again it's another choice you make for yourself and your family. If you are the bread winner, why wouldn't the husband stay at home with the kid(s)?

All military and government jobs. Did you know it was as easy as pick up and move and you'll still have a job that is equal pay (ok, military pay is shit, but still), and equal benefits in your chosen community?!?!?!

Also, husband staying home? Says the woman whose son can't play with dolls and whose husband has never changed a diaper. Wouldn't those kids be in bad shape when daddy doesn't change them while mommy's away?

Just because I didn't marry a girl, doesn't mean others didn't. My husband would never stay at home with the kids while I went to work on a regular basis. I personally would be embarrassed if my husband wanted to stay at home while his wife went to work.

YaMrWhite · August 2014

mrsjoslyn16 said:

YaMrWhite said:

AggieMom0809 said:

YaMrWhite said:

AggieMom0809 said:

I don't do direct sales. As I've said before, I started my own company that hes become very successful. I didn't have a huge client base to start out with, but I made it work because I was going to stay at home when my oldest was born. I work during nap/rest time and in the evenings. It's not my kids fault they are on this Earth, so why should I deprive them of the ability to stay with their mother who is suppose to be their to nurture their child?

I bet she's a SAHM. A stay-at-home-monogrammer.

Why yes I am!!! And my kids and I love every minute of it!

So I've decided I'm going to "get a job" monogramming so I can stay home and bring in a high income. My specialty...hyphenated last name monogramming!!

YaMrWhite · August 2014

AggieMom0809 said:

Lanatir said:

AggieMom0809 said:

melmarie4 said:

I don't think it's fair to compare the daycare/job situation when everyone lives in different areas. If you live in an area with a high cost of living, it really might not be feasible to pay for daycare. If you're the breadwinner in the family you probably shouldn't up and quit your job thinking that those pyramid scheme sales jobs are going to make up the difference. If the area where you are living doesn't have many job opportunities, you don't have the options other people do. Basically you can't tell people they can make it work if they really want to when you have no idea of their individual circumstances. Some people can't be SAHMs no matter how hard they keep trying to crunch the numbers. It doesn't make them bad mothers or mean they are choosing the easier path.

If the cost of living is the issue, why not move?!?! There are plenty of great neighborhood across America and I'm sure other countries that don't cost nearly as much. Again it's another choice you make for yourself and your family. If you are the bread winner, why wouldn't the husband stay at home with the kid(s)?

All military and government jobs. Did you know it was as easy as pick up and move and you'll still have a job that is equal pay (ok, military pay is shit, but still), and equal benefits in your chosen community?!?!?!

Also, husband staying home? Says the woman whose son can't play with dolls and whose husband has never changed a diaper. Wouldn't those kids be in bad shape when daddy doesn't change them while mommy's away?

Just because I didn't marry a girl, doesn't mean others didn't. My husband would never stay at home with the kids while I went to work on a regular basis. I personally would be embarrassed if my husband wanted to stay at home while his wife went to work.

You would be embarrassed if your husband stayed home while his wife went to work? Are you into polygamy?

SpaceGirlSpiff · August 2014

Yeah, I'm pretty much convinced now that AggieMom is either one of the most ignorant, closed-minded and twatiest of women alive orrrrrr a major long-con troll that really knows how to push every single hot button possible and is really getting a huge kick out of this. Or both, really.

So.

Bye Felicia

peggels24 · August 2014

AggieMom0809 said:

Lanatir said:

AggieMom0809 said:

melmarie4 said:

I don't think it's fair to compare the daycare/job situation when everyone lives in different areas. If you live in an area with a high cost of living, it really might not be feasible to pay for daycare. If you're the breadwinner in the family you probably shouldn't up and quit your job thinking that those pyramid scheme sales jobs are going to make up the difference. If the area where you are living doesn't have many job opportunities, you don't have the options other people do. Basically you can't tell people they can make it work if they really want to when you have no idea of their individual circumstances. Some people can't be SAHMs no matter how hard they keep trying to crunch the numbers. It doesn't make them bad mothers or mean they are choosing the easier path.

If the cost of living is the issue, why not move?!?! There are plenty of great neighborhood across America and I'm sure other countries that don't cost nearly as much. Again it's another choice you make for yourself and your family. If you are the bread winner, why wouldn't the husband stay at home with the kid(s)?

All military and government jobs. Did you know it was as easy as pick up and move and you'll still have a job that is equal pay (ok, military pay is shit, but still), and equal benefits in your chosen community?!?!?!

Also, husband staying home? Says the woman whose son can't play with dolls and whose husband has never changed a diaper. Wouldn't those kids be in bad shape when daddy doesn't change them while mommy's away?

Just because I didn't marry a girl, doesn't mean others didn't. My husband would never stay at home with the kids while I went to work on a regular basis. I personally would be embarrassed if my husband wanted to stay at home while his wife went to work.

My husband is going to stay home with our daughter for the first three months of her life. He may also be rearranging his schedule so that he can be home for her one day a week after that. I am extremely PROUD of my intelligent and hard-working husband. I am disgusted that you would even suggest that I should be anything less.

motherboy · August 2014

Jesus H. Christ. you've already won the title of the most offensive person on this board. This just seems like overkill.

I also don't get why someone would stick around a community where NO ONE else liked them or wanted them there. So yeah, I'm hoping you're just a troll who enjoys offending people.

Beauxbaton · August 2014

AggieMom0809 said:

Lanatir said:

AggieMom0809 said:

melmarie4 said:

I don't think it's fair to compare the daycare/job situation when everyone lives in different areas. If you live in an area with a high cost of living, it really might not be feasible to pay for daycare. If you're the breadwinner in the family you probably shouldn't up and quit your job thinking that those pyramid scheme sales jobs are going to make up the difference. If the area where you are living doesn't have many job opportunities, you don't have the options other people do. Basically you can't tell people they can make it work if they really want to when you have no idea of their individual circumstances. Some people can't be SAHMs no matter how hard they keep trying to crunch the numbers. It doesn't make them bad mothers or mean they are choosing the easier path.

If the cost of living is the issue, why not move?!?! There are plenty of great neighborhood across America and I'm sure other countries that don't cost nearly as much. Again it's another choice you make for yourself and your family. If you are the bread winner, why wouldn't the husband stay at home with the kid(s)?

All military and government jobs. Did you know it was as easy as pick up and move and you'll still have a job that is equal pay (ok, military pay is shit, but still), and equal benefits in your chosen community?!?!?!

Also, husband staying home? Says the woman whose son can't play with dolls and whose husband has never changed a diaper. Wouldn't those kids be in bad shape when daddy doesn't change them while mommy's away?

Just because I didn't marry a girl, doesn't mean others didn't. My husband would never stay at home with the kids while I went to work on a regular basis. I personally would be embarrassed if my husband wanted to stay at home while his wife went to work.

------------
You should probably be embarrassed regardless.

luckylady18 · August 2014

Yes - this has gone from bad to worse. It's like going back in time. What decade am I in? I cant deal.

YaMrWhite · August 2014

ladyamanuet said:

Suggesting any man who wants to be a stay at home parent is anything less than a man for wanting to do so is so disgusting, I honestly threw up in my mouth a little bit. I would LOVE it if J could stay home with this LO. He would not be less of a man for taking on the huge responsibility of being a SAHP. Your husband is less of a man than any SAHD I know if he is as stuck in archaic gender roles as you are.

I usually avoid saying things like this, because I find it "trolly", but in this case it is true - I feel sorry for your children. It saddens me they are growing up in a household that so rigidly sticks to outdated and offensive gender roles. I hope that once they are in school they start seeing that it doesn't have to be that way, and they don't grow up to perpetuate the awful negativity, hatred, and bias that you have.

I hope they aren't homeschooled.

melmarie4 · August 2014

AggieMom0809 said:

Lanatir said:

AggieMom0809 said:

melmarie4 said:

I don't think it's fair to compare the daycare/job situation when everyone lives in different areas. If you live in an area with a high cost of living, it really might not be feasible to pay for daycare. If you're the breadwinner in the family you probably shouldn't up and quit your job thinking that those pyramid scheme sales jobs are going to make up the difference. If the area where you are living doesn't have many job opportunities, you don't have the options other people do. Basically you can't tell people they can make it work if they really want to when you have no idea of their individual circumstances. Some people can't be SAHMs no matter how hard they keep trying to crunch the numbers. It doesn't make them bad mothers or mean they are choosing the easier path.

If the cost of living is the issue, why not move?!?! There are plenty of great neighborhood across America and I'm sure other countries that don't cost nearly as much. Again it's another choice you make for yourself and your family. If you are the bread winner, why wouldn't the husband stay at home with the kid(s)?

All military and government jobs. Did you know it was as easy as pick up and move and you'll still have a job that is equal pay (ok, military pay is shit, but still), and equal benefits in your chosen community?!?!?!

Also, husband staying home? Says the woman whose son can't play with dolls and whose husband has never changed a diaper. Wouldn't those kids be in bad shape when daddy doesn't change them while mommy's away?

Just because I didn't marry a girl, doesn't mean others didn't. My husband would never stay at home with the kids while I went to work on a regular basis. I personally would be embarrassed if my husband wanted to stay at home while his wife went to work.

Ok so now you're putting down SAHDs?! Again you have no idea of people's individual circumstances. If it makes the most sense for the dad to stay home and he loves spending all day with his children, great for him! It doesn't make him a "girl". I think children would greatly benefit if more men would take an active role in their children's lives. Being embarrassed that your husband is staying home while you work kinda implies to me you think that staying at home with children is beneath men. They should be doing more important work that provides income, Many women say that staying at home with their children is more important than any other job they could be doing, why deny men the same right?

melmarie4 · August 2014

mrsjoslyn16 said:

YaMrWhite said:

AggieMom0809 said:

YaMrWhite said:

AggieMom0809 said:

I don't do direct sales. As I've said before, I started my own company that hes become very successful. I didn't have a huge client base to start out with, but I made it work because I was going to stay at home when my oldest was born. I work during nap/rest time and in the evenings. It's not my kids fault they are on this Earth, so why should I deprive them of the ability to stay with their mother who is suppose to be their to nurture their child?

I bet she's a SAHM. A stay-at-home-monogrammer.

Why yes I am!!! And my kids and I love every minute of it!

So I've decided I'm going to "get a job" monogramming so I can stay home and bring in a high income. My specialty...hyphenated last name monogramming!!

I'm so excited for you and all the poor children who haven't been able to get monograms because their evil parents gave them hyphenated names!

Unknown · August 2014

This content has been removed.

aerotigergirl · August 2014

YaMrWhite said:

AggieMom0809 said:

I don't do direct sales. As I've said before, I started my own company that hes become very successful. I didn't have a huge client base to start out with, but I made it work because I was going to stay at home when my oldest was born. I work during nap/rest time and in the evenings. It's not my kids fault they are on this Earth, so why should I deprive them of the ability to stay with their mother who is suppose to be their to nurture their child?

I bet she's a SAHM. A stay-at-home-monogrammer.

aerotigergirl · August 2014

ladyamanuet said:

I am surprised @stargirlb hasn't chimed in on this, expanding the Jane Austen theory from just names to include parenting as well

I was just thinking exactly the same thing. Especially with that whole "Just because I didn't marry a girl, doesn't mean others didn't" comment. Celebrity Death Match!!!

Also.... does it seem odd to you that the two never seem to be in the same place at the same time?

Maebb · August 2014

I am realizing more and more how special DH is for things like changing diapers, supporting my career choices, loving our kids regardless of their sex, gender, or sexual orientation, etc.

And if our financial situation or family situation dictated it, I know he would be a great SAHD, and I would be just as proud of him as I am now in his job as an engineer.

@AggieMom0809‌, are you saying that a man who stays home with his kids is a "girl"? And is that an insult or something?

musicgal05 · August 2014

aerotigergirl said:

ladyamanuet said:

I am surprised @stargirlb hasn't chimed in on this, expanding the Jane Austen theory from just names to include parenting as well

I was just thinking exactly the same thing. Especially with that whole "Just because I didn't marry a girl, doesn't mean others didn't" comment. Celebrity Death Match!!!

Also.... does it seem odd to you that the two never seem to be in the same place at the same time?

That's a good point you make... maybe it's the same person, doing a sociological experiment on all of us.

Regardless, my DH rocks as a SAHD. He's a graphic designer by degree, I'm an engineer. It just makes financial sense for me to work and him to stay home. He's currently not working, but every so often he gets a small job that he can do at home. Our situation makes perfect sense for us, because... we're individuals who decided to do life this way. Nobody's gotta judge anybody.

For @AggieMom0809, her situation works for her, but she also seems to want to drag everybody down who's not doing it her way. I dunno why she thinks her way is perfect and everybody needs to be like her; that's the obnoxious part. I really don't care if she works full time as a monogrammer or if her DH brings in all the money or if they won the lottery and she doesn't want us to know. Whatevs.

nah82 · August 2014

ladyamanuet said:

I really hate the "get a work from home job to be a SAHM" thing. I worked from home for 5 years. There is NO WAY I could have been taking care of a kid during that time.

Also, know how many real vacations I took in those 5 years? 1. When I was on a cruise and couldn't answer email or phone calls because my phone didn't have service. Did I travel and see friends and family? Sure. But I was working almost the whole time.

Did it allow me the flexibility to get errands done somewhat on my own schedule? Yup. But I worked more hours than I do now, because I was always "in the office". Working from home is not easy. Because it is still a JOB. If you can work from home and take your kid, then, honestly, I feel like you aren't putting 100% into your work. If you work from home and it's part time? Ok, I can see that working to allow you to be a SAHM. But a full time job is still a full time job, no matter where you perform your job duties from.

I have been WAH as a freelance graphic designer (what I actually paid to get a college degree in) since the pharmacy I was working at went out of business. When I am on a deadline, I am lucky to get a shower, let alone plan enriching activities to stimulate my kids. It definitely doesn't provide insurance, thank goodness my husband is a teacher so we have insurance through his school. I make about a whopping $1500/year laying out catalogs + what I make selling printables on Etsy. If I had to pay to put my kids in daycare to go to work everyday, it would cost me more than what I would make, so $1500 is better than nothing. It is exasperating and makes me feel like a failure on both the SAHM front and the working mom front because my house is a wreck even though I am home all day and we should be outside playing more often and I'm always stressed out and feel like I'm behind on work because I have to constantly stop and change diapers and stop fights and wipe up juice all throughout my "work" day. But, I don't want to completely drop out of the workforce, either, because I would like to go back to working outside the home once the kids are in school.

musicgal05 · August 2014

namcgee said:

ladyamanuet said:

I really hate the "get a work from home job to be a SAHM" thing. I worked from home for 5 years. There is NO WAY I could have been taking care of a kid during that time.

Also, know how many real vacations I took in those 5 years? 1. When I was on a cruise and couldn't answer email or phone calls because my phone didn't have service. Did I travel and see friends and family? Sure. But I was working almost the whole time.

Did it allow me the flexibility to get errands done somewhat on my own schedule? Yup. But I worked more hours than I do now, because I was always "in the office". Working from home is not easy. Because it is still a JOB. If you can work from home and take your kid, then, honestly, I feel like you aren't putting 100% into your work. If you work from home and it's part time? Ok, I can see that working to allow you to be a SAHM. But a full time job is still a full time job, no matter where you perform your job duties from.

I have been WAH as a freelance graphic designer (what I actually paid to get a college degree in) since the pharmacy I was working at went out of business. When I am on a deadline, I am lucky to get a shower, let alone plan enriching activities to stimulate my kids. It definitely doesn't provide insurance, thank goodness my husband is a teacher so we have insurance through his school. I make about a whopping $1500/year laying out catalogs + what I make selling printables on Etsy. If I had to pay to put my kids in daycare to go to work everyday, it would cost me more than what I would make, so $1500 is better than nothing. It is exasperating and makes me feel like a failure on both the SAHM front and the working mom front because my house is a wreck even though I am home all day and we should be outside playing more often and I'm always stressed out and feel like I'm behind on work because I have to constantly stop and change diapers and stop fights and wipe up juice all throughout my "work" day. But, I don't want to completely drop out of the workforce, either, because I would like to go back to working outside the home once the kids are in school.

That's exactly my DH. He does maybe 1-2 projects a year, which is totally fine. Keeps him from getting totally bored/stagnant in his work, and he can still do all the parenting stuff during the day. I'd hate for him to have to do much more than that - managing kids is hard work.

nah82 · August 2014

aerotigergirl said:

ladyamanuet said:

I am surprised @stargirlb hasn't chimed in on this, expanding the Jane Austen theory from just names to include parenting as well

I was just thinking exactly the same thing. Especially with that whole "Just because I didn't marry a girl, doesn't mean others didn't" comment. Celebrity Death Match!!!

Also.... does it seem odd to you that the two never seem to be in the same place at the same time?

Aggie challenged stargirlb to a circumcision debate on the boy specific supplies thread. stargirlb has not taken her up on it..yet..

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