found out gender

tag42199 · August 2014

Update: everything is fine!

BackseatDriver · August 2014

That would be really hard. I hope they get over their disappointment soon.

Stargirlb · August 2014

GAWD what a tool! Give her YOUR last name and say you are thankful she won't be carrying on their stupid family name. GROSSSSSSSSS

peggels24 · August 2014

I'm sorry for all of the disappointment - I hope that they all get over it quickly and it was just a gut reaction that will go away as soon as they process.

caitlindenise · August 2014

I'm in the same boat as you. We found out we're having another boy yesterday. But we all were hoping for a girl. My parents only have grandsons (4 now). And my husbands parents only have 3 sons and now 2 grandsons. So we were hoping for something different.
However, I've had other issues going on with my body. So everyone is just really happy that we have a perfectly healthy baby that's growing.
I'm sure once it gets closer everyone will be ecstatic! We are all already excited, maybe go clothes shopping or something with hubby and mil, that helped me!

Stargirlb · August 2014

seriously, do NOT give this baby your stupid tool hubby family name. YOUR family is excited so use that last name. How embarrassing to be associated with such penis-worshipping tools.

12chachacha · August 2014

This makes me sad. I'm sorry.

Stargirlb · August 2014

If your hubs gets hostile about you wanting to give it your family name, tell him its imperative that she carry on your family name.

nmrd · August 2014

Sorry they are feeling disappointed, it sucks that they care about something like this enough to be upset about it but hopefully it just has to do with the loss of your FIL and they'll come around.

FWIW, your daughter can still carry on the family name and there's no guarantee that a son would have kids or keep his family name.

Stargirlb · August 2014

why does anyone care about HIS family name? seriously. Whats so great about his family, other than the fact that they bear a selection of (probably unimpressive) penises.

WillCMyInk · August 2014

Disappointment now is one thing...disappointment after the baby shows up is something else. Almost everyone has a preference for what they would WANT to have and once they talk that idea up in their minds sometimes it's harder to accept if it's something different. As long as they don't treat your baby any differently because she's a girl then it shouldn't be an issue.

Although I do kind of like @Stargirlb's idea of just giving her your last name. If they argued you could just say that it's not like she'd be carrying on their family name anyway so what does it matter.

robsbabygirl08 · August 2014

Another reason to stay Team Green! People suck!

BookitBoo · August 2014

Disappointment sucks but it seems normal. Give him a couple of days to get over it and realize that his baby girl is going to be awesome.

I'm sorry that they're being Debbie downers

mandikins27 · August 2014

what if it was a boy and he turned out to be gay? and married a luvly guy and took his name?? just because its a boy doesn't mean it will carry on a name or bc its a girl means that she cant carry it on. hopefully they see what they are doing to you and your baby soon. and yay for your family!! I like them

YaMrWhite · August 2014

My husbands family has always been into genealogy and keeping their family name alive. They have some pretty impressive resumes of past relatives who are no longer with us and I know my husband feels a sense of pride in seeing his family's name carry on through him as he is the last of his line. We've had a girl and are now pregnant with another girl. He was disappointed that another opportunity for a boy to carry the name has passed (we only want 3 kids) but is a reasonable individual and is quite thrilled to have another child regardless of what is between the legs. Hopefully your husband comes around. As far as the rest of the family, screw what they think.

britb618 · August 2014

Wow I'm so sorry! I think you need to sit down with your hubs and really tell him what an ass he is being...sorry but he is. When we found out we were having a girl with our first pregnancy I was a bit hesitant after to be too excited because my husband thought it was a boy and men often say as long as I get a boy eventually I'm happy...but he was super excited to and kinda got annoyed with me that I would insinuate that he wouldn't be. Your husband will of course grow to love your little girl the minute she is born but I wouldn't put up with him raining on your parade at all. She will probably be the love of his life (like you are) ... As for his mom I would put her in her place! That's just rude to act that way and I wouldn't tolerate it and id make sure she knew how ridiculous she was acting. And for once I agree with @stargirlb (or at least her first comment, thereafter I think she got a bit worked up

tag42199 · August 2014

Because we are traditional She will be getting her father's name. That is not really the issue. It's just the disappointment I could see in their faces. I know they will come around. I just needed to vent!! Thank you ladies for all of your support!

moonfaerie · August 2014

I hope they get over it soon. I have no experience with the grandparents being disappointed, but my DH has been a bit disappointed each time we found out we were having a girl. He gets over it though and he loves his girls to pieces. I'm sure yours will do the same.

MarxieVonTrapp · August 2014

What, exactly, is disappointing about a girl?

If it's the name thing, I'm sure if you wanted to, you could incorporate your FIL's name somehow in your daughter's name if that's why your in laws and dopey husband have their panties in a twist.

You may want to share this article with your husband:

My husband was delighted with his daughter. We think Baby #2 is a girl, too, and he'd be delighted with another girl. Disappointment in the sex of one's child really drives me crazy.

SpaceGirlSpiff · August 2014

He realizes it's all his fault shes a girl right?!? gAh.

Sigh.

In all seriousness... This makes me sad. Hope they pull their heads out of their asses soon.

Beauxbaton · August 2014

People thinking people are horrible for being disappointed for any length of time over the sex of their baby drives me crazy.

With that said, if his family doesn't start to perk up over the next week or two then I'd have a serious talk with them about how its making you feel. Im sure they still love your baby, and are excited for the baby. Right now they just are a little disappointed. And I'm sure they will get over it. Boys are great, but so are girls. And they'll come to realize that, or they likely so realize that. I'm sure the possibility of it being born on your husbands dads birthday is also a major thing.

Also on the last name thing, if you didn't keep your last name then giving it your family name is dumb in my opinion. If you didn't care enough to keep it for yourself why would you insist on giving it to your child? Just because of some (hopefully) momentary disappointment?

I hope your husband and his family start getting over their disappointment soon.

britb618 · August 2014

Ah @MarxieVonTrapp‌ that article made me tear up! Too cute! We are having a boy now but def a great read for dads of little girls!

Stargirlb · August 2014

The fact that this is "normal" is sick

Roxycc55 · August 2014

I'm with @Stargirlb‌ for once. Maybe not quite as extreme, but being disappointed because your name 'won't be carried on' is so weird and ridiculous to me.

Also like others said, who knows if she may carry it on anyway, or if a boy even would have. Seems stupid.

YaMrWhite · August 2014

Roxycc55 said:

I'm with @Stargirlb‌ for once. Maybe not quite as extreme, but being disappointed because your name 'won't be carried on' is so weird and ridiculous to me. Also like others said, who knows if she may carry it on anyway, or if a boy even would have. Seems stupid.

Oh no...it's sick. Up there with bestiality, rape, murder, etc. Sick!

SpaceGirlSpiff · August 2014

That's the point...it shouldn't be the norm to have disappointment over the sex of our children ... there are so many more important things to be concerned over, and the sex doesn't do a thing to determine who your child will be.... it's the silliest thing to fret over. Your child is just your child.... just love your child because he/she is yours! Be excited at all the possibilities of what that baby may become someday...all of which have nothing to do with the sex. It's just sad that we have these expectations and hopes of our children (things they have no control over), before they're even out of the womb.

But I know the reality is it's already far too ingrained in our society so this disappointment still happens....I'm a realist enough to not EXPECT differently. I hope over time this changes. Still makes me sad, all the same. Made me sad when people were insistent that my second NEEDED to be a girl since I had a boy.... all I can think to say is ...Why? Why exactly?

banana2020 · August 2014

He'll get over it.

Seriously, unless you've suffered a loss (I lost my father) it's hard to understand why it matters to men that their name carries on. So unless you have that emotional connection, I don't think it's fair to tell this guy he's a tool or whatever.

Many women EVERY DAY (usually secretly) have a preference. Are we bashing them? No. And we shouldn't. Sometimes there's just a longing for a girl or a boy for whatever rational or irrational reason. It's not the end of the world and it's not the worst thing to happen.

I'm sure he'll come around, though. MH was over the moon with a boy for our first but I do honestly feel he would have been happy either way. But he was REALLY happy when he heard the u/s tech say it was a boy. So I am pretty sure he was hoping for HEALTHY first, a boy second and a girl a very, very close third. With this one? I don't think he has a preference and I don't think I do either. But I would hope no one would bash me if I DID have a longing for a girl or a boy.

If he's not over this soon, have a talk with him. Sometimes we just have a bit of shock to our system and let's face it - having a child is a life-changer. Sometimes our preconceived ideas of what we're having and how it will be can cloud our judgment.

Roxycc55 · August 2014

The girl could end up being transgendered, and then maybe the family would be happy for them to carry on the name. #:-S

OP this is not me attacking you, just thinking the family is being pretty dumb.

12chachacha · August 2014

But even if it's "normal" to be disappointed, people should keep that thought to themselves. I understand talking about it within the marriage, but for everyone else, slap on a happy face and act excited. It was a 50/50 chance so they knew this was a possibility and should have been ready for it.

aerotigergirl · August 2014

banana2020 said:

He'll get over it.

Seriously, unless you've suffered a loss (I lost my father) it's hard to understand why it matters to men that their name carries on. So unless you have that emotional connection, I don't think it's fair to tell this guy he's a tool or whatever.

Many women EVERY DAY (usually secretly) have a preference. Are we bashing them? No. And we shouldn't. Sometimes there's just a longing for a girl or a boy for whatever rational or irrational reason. It's not the end of the world and it's not the worst thing to happen.

I'm sure he'll come around, though. MH was over the moon with a boy for our first but I do honestly feel he would have been happy either way. But he was REALLY happy when he heard the u/s tech say it was a boy. So I am pretty sure he was hoping for HEALTHY first, a boy second and a girl a very, very close third. With this one? I don't think he has a preference and I don't think I do either. But I would hope no one would bash me if I DID have a longing for a girl or a boy.

If he's not over this soon, have a talk with him. Sometimes we just have a bit of shock to our system and let's face it - having a child is a life-changer. Sometimes our preconceived ideas of what we're having and how it will be can cloud our judgment.

QFP

As to the first bolded: Just like you have experienced (I'm sorry for your loss, by the way), women lose important people in their lives, too. Is it ok for a woman's family name to die out, as long as the man's family name gets carried on? That seems a bit odd... Why is his loss any more devastating or important than hers?

Also, as to the second bolded statement: It happens very frequently in this forum, and plenty of others on TB at least, that if someone shows up declaring how upset they are that they wanted a boy and they're getting a girl (or vice-versa) that they are immediately flamed for stating such an opinion.

Just sayin'.

AggieMom0809 · August 2014

Most men want to carry on the family name. My DH didn't have a problem with the first being a girl because we were planning on having more. My son is carrying on the family name. I feel sorry for the kids in school with the hyphenated names. It's harder on them to know which one to use. Then when you get to monogramming things, which one do you use?

My parents ended up having more kids than originally planned. The youngest in our family is a boy. He's carrying on the family name with their son.

MichaelSC28 · August 2014

My hubby looked rather disappointed in the ultrasound room...he just knew we were having a boy. I got teary eyed and asked was he really that upset...he told me later no he is happy to have a girl. It was definetly more that he was terrified. lol

He said that all these worries of a girl flooded his mind...and all he could think of was how do I keep her safe...how do I keep her from men like my friends and me (their younger years)...lol. Our family is super excited for a lil girl and I can't wait.

I would definetly have a sit down with the DH and make it known that this is life and that there is no control here on what you were going ot get. Its time to look for the positive and let the negative go...and for your family he needs to support and state that having a girl is just as exciting and theres always another time. I think that this may have crossed a line of over dramatic.

Beauxbaton · August 2014

banana2020 said:
Seriously, unless you've suffered a loss (I lost my father) it's hard to understand why it matters to men that their name carries on. So unless you have that emotional connection, I don't think it's fair to tell this guy he's a tool or whatever .

I don't think you necessarily have to have lost someone to understand the connection. DH changed his last name when he was 18 to his grandparents last name because that's who raised him. He didn't want his heroine addicted step/adoptive fathers last name. Either way, his last name is cool. If it wasn't 11 characters, and mine 8, I would have hyphenated.

Roxycc55 · August 2014

Yes, because monogramming things is on my top list of things to consider when naming my child.

............

Pips09 · August 2014

I'd give him a day to get used to it, and then tell him to pull his head out of his ass.

Beauxbaton · August 2014

AggieMom0809 said:
Most men want to carry on the family name. My DH didn't have a problem with the first being a girl because we were planning on having more. My son is carrying on the family name. I feel sorry for the kids in school with the hyphenated names. It's harder on them to know which one to use. Then when you get to monogramming things, which one do you use?

My parents ended up having more kids than originally planned. The youngest in our family is a boy. He's carrying on the family name with their son.

Not that monogramming matters (I actually hate that shit) they would use the first letter of which ever last name came first.

YaMrWhite · August 2014

candacemg1 said:

This makes me a bit bonkers. There's been several threads recently about partners being disappointed in the sex of their otherwise healthy baby so you aren't the only one experiencing this OP if that makes you feel any better.

I speak for myself (and probably several others) when I say that I simply want a healthy baby and a healthy, uneventful pregnancy. The sex of my child (or gender for that matter) is not a concern. I get it, people have expectations and get disappointed when they aren't met. At the end of the day, if that baby is healthy that's all that matters.

I agree with this however I would change "expectations" to "hopes". For my husband personally, he hopes for a boy but is thrilled with his girls. When we have #3, he will hope for a boy again and regardless of the sex, he will again be thrilled with either. He knows better than to have expectations here.

CGOODPAS · August 2014

If the disappointment stems from the inability for a girl to carry on the family name it isn't necessary. I am an only child and was the last one to carry my father's last name. My husband actually took my last name when we got married so my family name could be carried on.

It isn't traditional and people always comment on it. My husband wanted us to both have the same last name and he understood the importance of family. He has a brother and male cousins to carry on their name. I didn't even have to ask him to change his name and at first his family wasn't very happy with it thinking I didn't want to be a part of their family. But the truth was I just wanted to keep my last name going...

I can understand your situation but once the baby gets here they won't be disappointed. They will be happy to finally meet her!!!

banana2020 · August 2014

I don't think anyone needs to have suffered a loss to understand the connection. I'm saying that it's hard to empathize with the situation unless you've been there yourself. Some men are very tied to their last name. My father was pretty damn happy to have 2 girls, but he was sad knowing his name ended with him. He lost his own father when he was 7yo and he was the last of the LastNames to carry on the name (as he had 2 sisters as well). It meant something to him. Honestly, it's not even on my own personal radar but I understand how much it matters to some people and I don't want to unintentionally trivialize those feelings just because I don't have them myself. KWIM?

I'm not on this board as a regular so I apologize if I'm off base about women and their desire to have a particular sex over another. I'm sure you're 100% correct that women get flamed, too. I don't think it's fair. And again, I'm not speaking from personal experience as I didn't care the first time and I don't care this time. Healthy is on my radar, not a penis or a vagina. BUT... everyone has their thing and I think it's valid for someone to have a yearning for one or the other. Maybe I'm just old (I am AMA after all

) and I just don't see the point in flaming people for something like this (though, for full disclosure, I do flame for other things so I guess I'm a hypocrite!). But I don't see why anyone should discount this guy's feelings of disappointment (as described second hand, let's remember) without really giving him some time to let the news sink in.

tag42199 · August 2014

Wow I didn't realize that this topic would throw up so much emotion. I know that everybody will come around.

YaMrWhite · August 2014

banana2020 said:

I don't think anyone needs to have suffered a loss to understand the connection. I'm saying that it's hard to empathize with the situation unless you've been there yourself. Some men are very tied to their last name. My father was pretty damn happy to have 2 girls, but he was sad knowing his name ended with him. He lost his own father when he was 7yo and he was the last of the LastNames to carry on the name (as he had 2 sisters as well). It meant something to him. Honestly, it's not even on my own personal radar but I understand how much it matters to some people and I don't want to unintentionally trivialize those feelings just because I don't have them myself. KWIM?

I'm not on this board as a regular so I apologize if I'm off base about women and their desire to have a particular sex over another. I'm sure you're 100% correct that women get flamed, too. I don't think it's fair. And again, I'm not speaking from personal experience as I didn't care the first time and I don't care this time. Healthy is on my radar, not a penis or a vagina. BUT... everyone has their thing and I think it's valid for someone to have a yearning for one or the other. Maybe I'm just old (I am AMA after all ) and I just don't see the point in flaming people for something like this (though, for full disclosure, I do flame for other things so I guess I'm a hypocrite!). But I don't see why anyone should discount this guy's feelings of disappointment (as described second hand, let's remember) without really giving him some time to let the news sink in.

Agree with the bolded.

Want a personalized experience?

found out gender

Re: found out gender

Choose Another Board

Search Boards