UO Thursday

pnwlover12 · August 2014

SaraML13 said:

TheOtherJacobsons said:

I personally want people to call me out if I've got my head up my ass. Not an invitation to N14... To the members here. I contacted someone who went to the N14 thread and asked for her opinion and ended up having a great pm about it. I would have had the same conversation on my post had she commented there. Still not sure why I didn't get flamed by people whose opinions actually matter to me. Not that I am saying you are talking about me, but that was one instance where we were very publically flamed for our Mean Girls culture.

Ok, fine, since you asked.

I kept quite because I'm not a super active poster, everyone else was giving you love tits, and you threatened to "flame the shit" out of anyone who told you that hosting your own shower was tacky. But I read your shower post and thought it was ridiculous. I don't know all of your family issues, but from reading your post it seemed like 80% of the problems with the shower stemmed from you trying to micromanage it and demanding that it be done exactly your way. It's not just a matter of whether or not hosting your own shower is tacky, your experience is a perfect example of why it is a terrible idea to host your own shower. It seems like everything would have worked out much better if you had just accepted your SIL's initial offer to host and gotten out of the way. I was surprised that no one called you out on that and instead everyone just gave you hugs.

Meanwhile, a newb posted on this board a day or two about hosting her own shower and everyone told her it was tacky. There is definitely a group think mentality around not calling out certain people.

What is your reading comprehension level? She didn't host her own shower...

TheOtherJacobsons · August 2014

I have to go back and read the actual UOs today. Apparently there's talk of religion and I am a Neo-Pagan. This should be interesting.

bumpuser10309732 · August 2014

MrMrsandBaby said:

Liss1481 said:

GretchenWeiners7 said:

My UO is that I think the way our country approaches the overweight/underweight health problems is totally jacked. I am not for body shaming EVER, but I think that more people need to realize how unhealthy they are (be it too thin or too overweight). I think the campaigns that are promoting that every size is beautiful are contributing to the problem and validating people's self image, when in fact, they're really unhealthy.

Agreed

But there is so much more to health than weight. I think the point of those campaigns is to help women feel like a size 0 isn't the only way to be beautiful (don't most of them feature women who are on the bigger side than the smaller side?). Because, in reality, most of us would be unhealthy at a 0, or maybe even a 2 or 4. Weight/size isn't the only measure of health and it should not be the only measure of beauty. But with a culture that consistently fat shames but RARELY skinny shames, it is hard to feel beautiful at a size 10 or 12. A perfectly healthy person who is 10 pounds overweight - or whatever - shouldn't feel shame about that. When we (as a whole) celebrate beauty in someone who is 10 pounds underweight where are the people saying that she is unhealthy? I would put money on people commenting MORE about the 10 over than the 10 under.

I also think equating health with beauty is totally apples to oranges.

So, I agree that we have really poor rhetoric around the over/underweight issues. But I don't think the campaigns are really addressing health at all so they shouldn't be considered to be making it ok to be overweight.

Sorry, words are hard, did that make sense?

I disagree. Being someone that I think is a healthy weight I feel like it's more socially acceptable to "shame me" for my weight then someone who would be considered overweight. I cannot tell you how many times I get told to eat more or asked questions about my diet like there's something wrong with me and it pisses me off. How do you know I'm not healthy? Just because I don't fit your healthy body mold? So the "every one is beautiful thing" I get it, because women spend SO much time picking each other apart instead of saying yeah she's beautiful at this size. I think it's more love yourself no matter your shape because we're not all the same. I think being healthy is included in "love yourself". The shaming anyone of any size needs to stop.

LightBright515 · August 2014

Wait, what exactly do you practice that makes you so "out there?" @TicketTuesday‌

pnwlover12 · August 2014

TheOtherJacobsons said:
I have to go back and read the actual UOs today. Apparently there's talk of religion and I am a Neo-Pagan. This should be interesting.

Not really. I just sort of made a comment that my only two true UOs were about weed and religion. Haha.

MrMrsandBaby · August 2014

LightBright515 said:

When you take a step back and think about the health issues that are killing and handicapping our nation, weight most definitely is a factor. So to say that there is so much more to health than weight..THAT is a bit much for me.

So things like BP, cholesterol, family history, environment, safety, drinking, drug use, etc...those don't factor into health? Does weight play a role...yup, I didn't say it didn't play a factor. But to assume it is the only factor...ok, then...

bumpuser10309732 · August 2014

@TicketTuesday I honestly did not even know you were religious until you mentioned the shirt under your bra thing and explained it to us. I think that it just adds a facet to your opinion that opens my mind to another way of seeing things, nor do I see your opinion as holding less weight because of those things. :-) So please don't feel offended because my experience with organized religion as a whole has not been pleasant, I don't judge everyone who practices a religion based on this blanket experience. I just was never raised around organized religion but more with the ideals that religion gives you as a person/human.

SusieBW · August 2014

pnwlover12 said:

I adore you @TicketTuesday‌. I'm not religious but I don't care at all if you or anyone else is. I never roll my eyes at you.

I second all of this. I'm also one of the non-religious folks here, but I'm cool with everyone else doing whatever suits them. I think religion in general is a fascinating topic, and I really enjoy learning about different faiths.

pnwlover12 · August 2014

SaraML13 said:

pnwlover12 said:

TheOtherJacobsons said:

I personally want people to call me out if I've got my head up my ass. Not an invitation to N14... To the members here. I contacted someone who went to the N14 thread and asked for her opinion and ended up having a great pm about it. I would have had the same conversation on my post had she commented there. Still not sure why I didn't get flamed by people whose opinions actually matter to me. Not that I am saying you are talking about me, but that was one instance where we were very publically flamed for our Mean Girls culture.

Ok, fine, since you asked.

I kept quite because I'm not a super active poster, everyone else was giving you love tits, and you threatened to "flame the shit" out of anyone who told you that hosting your own shower was tacky. But I read your shower post and thought it was ridiculous. I don't know all of your family issues, but from reading your post it seemed like 80% of the problems with the shower stemmed from you trying to micromanage it and demanding that it be done exactly your way. It's not just a matter of whether or not hosting your own shower is tacky, your experience is a perfect example of why it is a terrible idea to host your own shower. It seems like everything would have worked out much better if you had just accepted your SIL's initial offer to host and gotten out of the way. I was surprised that no one called you out on that and instead everyone just gave you hugs.

Meanwhile, a newb posted on this board a day or two about hosting her own shower and everyone told her it was tacky. There is definitely a group think mentality around not calling out certain people.
What is your reading comprehension level? She didn't host her own shower...

Regardless of what names go on the invites as hosts, I would consider someone who plans all the details, makes all the decisions about food and decorations, does all the prep work, and directs all the activities during the shower to be a host.

So because she had an idea of what she wanted her shower's theme to be - she is the host? I disagree. I don't think there is anything wrong with having input in a party that is all about you. Regardless of that factor, her post was about family drama. Who fucking cares if not every etiquette rule in the book wasn't followed to the T? I just don't get the hate towards that. Who cares?!

Did you not have an idea of what you wanted your wedding to be like? Because I can go on and on for hours about the bridezillas that exist in the world.

Emerald27 · August 2014

I hate rap. It's not music.

I LOVE the beach for visiting but wouldn't want to live there. You can never get really, truly clean at the beach. After a 1-2 week vacation I need to go home and shower and wash laundry to get the sticky salty sandiness off and out of everything.

I like our board's atmosphere. Seems natural, not forced. There's snark when there needs to be, but there just isn't much call for it. If I need some serious snarky entertainment, I go lurk on TTGP.

I'm very religious and my religion is a significant part of my identity. And my values are definitely not mainstream.

Saragoeswest · August 2014

pnwlover12 said:

@TheOtherJacobsons‌ I agree! Also, if someone could fill me in on who the 'popular' kids are that'd be great.

You will see them standing in a tight circle by the lockers after lunch.

pushgal84 · August 2014

SusieBW said:

SPurp13 said:

SusieBW said:

I adore the beach. On any given day, if someone were to ask me if there is anywhere I would rather be, the answer would inevitably be "the beach." That's not unpopular, right? It's just a few of you blasphemers who don't like it? In college, my car used to look sort of like an extension of the beach, because I was there just about every day and it was full of "sand and shit."

Do you enjoy sand in every orifice possible? Do you like chewing on grit? THE BEACH IS DIRTY. AND HOT. AND DIRTY.

I like to take my vacations at home. I don't need to leave my house. I have friends inside the computer.

LOL!
I also adore beach hair and salty, sandy skin. On days I've been at the beach, I never wash my hair that night, because I like next-day sandy/salty beach hair just as much as day of.

Is it a function of location, I wonder? Do the beach haters live in inland locales? I'm coastal.

Absolutely not. I live in San Diego, born and raised actually, and I can count on one hand the times I've been to the beach in the last 10 years. I HATE the beach. The sand, the smell, the salty water, the sunburn, I can't get down with any of it! DH is another SD native who hates the beach.

Liss1481 · August 2014

MrsBabe614 said:

MrMrsandBaby said:

Liss1481 said:

GretchenWeiners7 said:

My UO is that I think the way our country approaches the overweight/underweight health problems is totally jacked. I am not for body shaming EVER, but I think that more people need to realize how unhealthy they are (be it too thin or too overweight). I think the campaigns that are promoting that every size is beautiful are contributing to the problem and validating people's self image, when in fact, they're really unhealthy.

Agreed

But there is so much more to health than weight. I think the point of those campaigns is to help women feel like a size 0 isn't the only way to be beautiful (don't most of them feature women who are on the bigger side than the smaller side?). Because, in reality, most of us would be unhealthy at a 0, or maybe even a 2 or 4. Weight/size isn't the only measure of health and it should not be the only measure of beauty. But with a culture that consistently fat shames but RARELY skinny shames, it is hard to feel beautiful at a size 10 or 12. A perfectly healthy person who is 10 pounds overweight - or whatever - shouldn't feel shame about that. When we (as a whole) celebrate beauty in someone who is 10 pounds underweight where are the people saying that she is unhealthy? I would put money on people commenting MORE about the 10 over than the 10 under.

I also think equating health with beauty is totally apples to oranges.

So, I agree that we have really poor rhetoric around the over/underweight issues. But I don't think the campaigns are really addressing health at all so they shouldn't be considered to be making it ok to be overweight.

Sorry, words are hard, did that make sense?

I disagree. Being someone that I think is a healthy weight I feel like it's more socially acceptable to "shame me" for my weight then someone who would be considered overweight. I cannot tell you how many times I get told to eat more or asked questions about my diet like there's something wrong with me and it pisses me off. How do you know I'm not healthy? Just because I don't fit your healthy body mold? So the "every one is beautiful thing" I get it, because women spend SO much time picking each other apart instead of saying yeah she's beautiful at this size. I think it's more love yourself no matter your shape because we're not all the same. I think being healthy is included in "love yourself". The shaming anyone of any size needs to stop.

I'm also considered a healthy weight, and I get so much crap from people about it. I get sarcastic comments about my healthy eating habits, the fact that I eat in portions, the fact that I exercise, etc. and it pisses me off. Both times that I've been pregnant, I've gotten several, "Wow, I can't wait to see you gain weight" comments from people. Why are those comments considered more appropriate than things that are said if you're overweight?

MrsSarahRenee · August 2014

pushgal84 said:

SusieBW said:

SPurp13 said:

SusieBW said:

I adore the beach. On any given day, if someone were to ask me if there is anywhere I would rather be, the answer would inevitably be "the beach." That's not unpopular, right? It's just a few of you blasphemers who don't like it? In college, my car used to look sort of like an extension of the beach, because I was there just about every day and it was full of "sand and shit."

Do you enjoy sand in every orifice possible? Do you like chewing on grit? THE BEACH IS DIRTY. AND HOT. AND DIRTY.

I like to take my vacations at home. I don't need to leave my house. I have friends inside the computer.

LOL!
I also adore beach hair and salty, sandy skin. On days I've been at the beach, I never wash my hair that night, because I like next-day sandy/salty beach hair just as much as day of.

Is it a function of location, I wonder? Do the beach haters live in inland locales? I'm coastal.

Absolutely not. I live in San Diego, born and raised actually, and I can count on one hand the times I've been to the beach in the last 10 years. I HATE the beach. The sand, the smell, the salty water, the sunburn, I can't get down with any of it! DH is another SD native who hates
the beach.

I live in MA and I am an hour or two from the beach depending in where we go... I went to college on the ocean.
I like the ocean and I like driving the coast ( we do that a lot) but the whole day trip to the beach is miserable.

ADH0906 · August 2014

pnwlover12 said:

TheOtherJacobsons said:

I personally want people to call me out if I've got my head up my ass. Not an invitation to N14... To the members here. I contacted someone who went to the N14 thread and asked for her opinion and ended up having a great pm about it. I would have had the same conversation on my post had she commented there. Still not sure why I didn't get flamed by people whose opinions actually matter to me. Not that I am saying you are talking about me, but that was one instance where we were very publically flamed for our Mean Girls culture.

Ok, fine, since you asked.

I kept quite because I'm not a super active poster, everyone else was giving you love tits, and you threatened to "flame the shit" out of anyone who told you that hosting your own shower was tacky. But I read your shower post and thought it was ridiculous. I don't know all of your family issues, but from reading your post it seemed like 80% of the problems with the shower stemmed from you trying to micromanage it and demanding that it be done exactly your way. It's not just a matter of whether or not hosting your own shower is tacky, your experience is a perfect example of why it is a terrible idea to host your own shower. It seems like everything would have worked out much better if you had just accepted your SIL's initial offer to host and gotten out of the way. I was surprised that no one called you out on that and instead everyone just gave you hugs.

Meanwhile, a newb posted on this board a day or two about hosting her own shower and everyone told her it was tacky. There is definitely a group think mentality around not calling out certain people.
What is your reading comprehension level? She didn't host her own shower...

Come now, let's not be purposely obtuse. The OP was full of etiquette missteps and I'm not surprised that it was called out on a few other boards...and that is not a reflection of how I felt about the OP, it's just a reflection of how I felt about that situation and the board's reaction to it. As I said in my UO, I don't have any desire to wade into a board-wide debate that doesn't have a place outside of the OP, but I'm not going to leave @SaraML13 hanging. Of course this is one (of many) of the posts that we've been referencing, and I think it was perfectly clear that @TheOtherJacobsons knows that by the amount of times that she's demanded to know what we're referencing. There are plenty of other examples that also don't need to be rehashed here either: that was not the point. The UO was to bring attention to the group think mentality (I feel like I should #groupthink that), which is exactly the thinking that has gotten other BMBs into some pretty tight spots and it has a place at this table to be discussed.

It's clearly a UO, and we're not demanding that the board change (which would be silly), but it's enough to make several people uncomfortable so why not discuss it, minority opinion or not?

yella726 · August 2014

pushgal84 said:

SusieBW said:

SPurp13 said:

SusieBW said:

I adore the beach. On any given day, if someone were to ask me if there is anywhere I would rather be, the answer would inevitably be "the beach." That's not unpopular, right? It's just a few of you blasphemers who don't like it? In college, my car used to look sort of like an extension of the beach, because I was there just about every day and it was full of "sand and shit."

Do you enjoy sand in every orifice possible? Do you like chewing on grit? THE BEACH IS DIRTY. AND HOT. AND DIRTY.

I like to take my vacations at home. I don't need to leave my house. I have friends inside the computer.

LOL!
I also adore beach hair and salty, sandy skin. On days I've been at the beach, I never wash my hair that night, because I like next-day sandy/salty beach hair just as much as day of.

Is it a function of location, I wonder? Do the beach haters live in inland locales? I'm coastal.

Absolutely not. I live in San Diego, born and raised actually, and I can count on one hand the times I've been to the beach in the last 10 years. I HATE the beach. The sand, the smell, the salty water, the sunburn, I can't get down with any of it! DH is another SD native who hates the beach.

Nope. I'm a July-born baby who was born and raised in NY, has tons of family down in FL and now lives on the coast of Maine. I just was always one of those SS who never cared for the beach. I just can't do the lying there on the towel for hours on end.

MrsSinner402 · August 2014

SaraML13 said:

pnwlover12 said:

SaraML13 said:

TheOtherJacobsons said:

I personally want people to call me out if I've got my head up my ass. Not an invitation to N14... To the members here. I contacted someone who went to the N14 thread and asked for her opinion and ended up having a great pm about it. I would have had the same conversation on my post had she commented there. Still not sure why I didn't get flamed by people whose opinions actually matter to me. Not that I am saying you are talking about me, but that was one instance where we were very publically flamed for our Mean Girls culture.

Ok, fine, since you asked.

I kept quite because I'm not a super active poster, everyone else was giving you love tits, and you threatened to "flame the shit" out of anyone who told you that hosting your own shower was tacky. But I read your shower post and thought it was ridiculous. I don't know all of your family issues, but from reading your post it seemed like 80% of the problems with the shower stemmed from you trying to micromanage it and demanding that it be done exactly your way. It's not just a matter of whether or not hosting your own shower is tacky, your experience is a perfect example of why it is a terrible idea to host your own shower. It seems like everything would have worked out much better if you had just accepted your SIL's initial offer to host and gotten out of the way. I was surprised that no one called you out on that and instead everyone just gave you hugs.

Meanwhile, a newb posted on this board a day or two about hosting her own shower and everyone told her it was tacky. There is definitely a group think mentality around not calling out certain people.
What is your reading comprehension level? She didn't host her own shower...

Regardless of what names go on the invites as hosts, I would consider someone who plans all the details, makes all the decisions about food and decorations, does all the prep work, and directs all the activities during the shower to be a host.

My MIL asked what I wanted for decorations, food, etc. She's also expecting DH to come help set up (large tents in the backyard). I don't see AT ALL how this would make you consider me or DH a "host"? Because I know for a fact that if MIL came and asked me to help with anything pertaining to the shower, set up, tear down, arrangements, whatever, of course I would help. I guess I can see the directing of the activities part of your point. But, the rest of it? I don't get it.

duckr · August 2014

Jennifer18131 said:

duckr said:

Happyin14 said:

Here's an UO and I know it's being talked about in TP too.... I hate all the posts and sentiments shared when a celeb dies. I mean - I like and understand the tributes from people who actually KNEW the person, but it always feels to me that folks are willing to talk about being "devastated" when they didn't even know the individual.

I've had a lot of people close to me die in the past year and it is hard to see close friends of mine talk about famous people more than...sorry...my own child.
I get this. When I see an individual comment on a national news article about Robin Williams saying "I haven't stopped crying since I heard" I think really? I mean I am sad he died. Loved his movies. Loved his spirit but crying for days on end? And you're right in comparison to a personal loss it just sounds so ridiculous! Especially, the loss of a child. I can't imagine and I'm so sorry.

But - the way he died is scary to people. It forces his millions of fans to think about mental health and think about the fact that a person who made others so happy can be so sad on the inside. People probably compare their own sadness or person mental health to what happened and it makes things even more emotional.

So, yeah there really is no comparison between a personal loss and a celebrity but I think the particular celebrity and the way he died just has people more emotional.
The bolded. It threw me into a 24 hour mini depression because it brought up feelings that I haven't delt with in a while.

**Hugs**
>:D<

pnwlover12 · August 2014

MrsSinner402 said:

pnwlover12 said:

TheOtherJacobsons said:

I personally want people to call me out if I've got my head up my ass. Not an invitation to N14... To the members here. I contacted someone who went to the N14 thread and asked for her opinion and ended up having a great pm about it. I would have had the same conversation on my post had she commented there. Still not sure why I didn't get flamed by people whose opinions actually matter to me. Not that I am saying you are talking about me, but that was one instance where we were very publically flamed for our Mean Girls culture.

Ok, fine, since you asked.

I kept quite because I'm not a super active poster, everyone else was giving you love tits, and you threatened to "flame the shit" out of anyone who told you that hosting your own shower was tacky. But I read your shower post and thought it was ridiculous. I don't know all of your family issues, but from reading your post it seemed like 80% of the problems with the shower stemmed from you trying to micromanage it and demanding that it be done exactly your way. It's not just a matter of whether or not hosting your own shower is tacky, your experience is a perfect example of why it is a terrible idea to host your own shower. It seems like everything would have worked out much better if you had just accepted your SIL's initial offer to host and gotten out of the way. I was surprised that no one called you out on that and instead everyone just gave you hugs.

Meanwhile, a newb posted on this board a day or two about hosting her own shower and everyone told her it was tacky. There is definitely a group think mentality around not calling out certain people.
What is your reading comprehension level? She didn't host her own shower...

Regardless of what names go on the invites as hosts, I would consider someone who plans all the details, makes all the decisions about food and decorations, does all the prep work, and directs all the activities during the shower to be a host.
My MIL asked what I wanted for decorations, food, etc. She's also expecting DH to come help set up (large tents in the backyard). I don't see AT ALL how this would make you consider me or DH a "host"? Because I know for a fact that if MIL came and asked me to help with anything pertaining to the shower, set up, tear down, arrangements, whatever, of course I would help. I guess I can see the directing of the activities part of your point. But, the rest of it? I don't get it.

ITA. But God forbid you have any input or ideas of what you'd like done at YOUR shower.

Emerald27 · August 2014

My UO is that the police/media should have respected the wishes of Robin Williams' family and not released the graphic details of his death.

Gory details bring in viewers/readers, but it's completely disrespectful to his personal dignity and to his family, and the public has no need for that information.

It also doesn't help anyone who is struggling with severe depression and thoughts of suicide to have been given such information. The fear or copycats is real.

Not cool, media/police. Not cool.

SusieBW · August 2014

Nicb13 said:

No, I didn't think you were saying that. I probably didn't word my post right but why the hell does everyone keep going on and on and on and on about the "culture" of our board. Do we have to talk about that shit so much?

Because we're a community, yo.

pushgal84 · August 2014

Liss1481 said:

GretchenWeiners7 said:

My UO is that I think the way our country approaches the overweight/underweight health problems is totally jacked. I am not for body shaming EVER, but I think that more people need to realize how unhealthy they are (be it too thin or too overweight). I think the campaigns that are promoting that every size is beautiful are contributing to the problem and validating people's self image, when in fact, they're really unhealthy.

Agreed

As someone who was 50-70 lbs overweight pre-pregnancy, I agree with this as well. It's nice to know that our society is working on being more accepting of all kinds of people, but that doesn't mean I should accept my overweight self as-is and not try to work on it. It's like telling your kid that C's are perfectly fine grades and they should be super proud of it and never try and harder to do better. Now if you're they're trying hard to get better grades, but not quite getting there, then at least they're trying... I think that's the important part of anything really, trying to make good choices, not rolling over and just accepting it the way it is.

TheOtherJacobsons · August 2014

SaraML13 said:

pnwlover12 said:

TheOtherJacobsons said:

I personally want people to call me out if I've got my head up my ass. Not an invitation to N14... To the members here. I contacted someone who went to the N14 thread and asked for her opinion and ended up having a great pm about it. I would have had the same conversation on my post had she commented there. Still not sure why I didn't get flamed by people whose opinions actually matter to me. Not that I am saying you are talking about me, but that was one instance where we were very publically flamed for our Mean Girls culture.

Ok, fine, since you asked.

I kept quite because I'm not a super active poster, everyone else was giving you love tits, and you threatened to "flame the shit" out of anyone who told you that hosting your own shower was tacky. But I read your shower post and thought it was ridiculous. I don't know all of your family issues, but from reading your post it seemed like 80% of the problems with the shower stemmed from you trying to micromanage it and demanding that it be done exactly your way. It's not just a matter of whether or not hosting your own shower is tacky, your experience is a perfect example of why it is a terrible idea to host your own shower. It seems like everything would have worked out much better if you had just accepted your SIL's initial offer to host and gotten out of the way. I was surprised that no one called you out on that and instead everyone just gave you hugs.

Meanwhile, a newb posted on this board a day or two about hosting her own shower and everyone told her it was tacky. There is definitely a group think mentality around not calling out certain people.
What is your reading comprehension level? She didn't host her own shower...

Regardless of what names go on the invites as hosts, I would consider someone who plans all the details, makes all the decisions about food and decorations, does all the prep work, and directs all the activities during the shower to be a host.

Thank you for your honesty. I want to throw out there that when I wrote the post, I didn't edit it. I just put all my thoughts out there. Honestly, I did not paint a very good picture of myself. I can't take it back however, and I do own what I wrote. That being said, I would like to respond to your comments.

The reason I said the "flame the shit" part was because we had just had so many threads and comments around that particular issue that I didn't want to discuss that topic. It was half joke half serious. I didn't actually host my own shower, though I can see from your perspective how you would think I did. That's fair and I hadn't really thought of it that way before. Not sure I agree with you, but I can see your point. It was more like how Spurp13 said in one of her comments, that it was more a wish list. I actually thought that this part of my post was completely irrelevant and I should have just cut the entire paragraph out. However, editing, I didn't do it.

I did not micromanage or demand anything. If that came across that way, it was not my intention. I did have an idea for what I wanted it to be like and I had many conversations with my mother about what we planned to do. I was very open to what she wanted to do, discussed every aspect with her, and got her approval before doing anything related to the shower. This was out of respect for her and not wanting to control it. I did have to take a more active role because she lives 5 hours away and offered to host the shower up here where I live. She was more than happy to let me pick out the location, food, etc. I took photos of the locations, of the things I had purchased, websites for catering, and my Pinterest board where I had been collecting visual references.

Finally, yes, it would have been easier on me physically had I let my SIL host the shower. This is something a few people on N14 had to say as well. All I can really say to that is that while something like that is easy to say, it's really not something that is easy to do in practice. It would have been worse for me had I told my mom thanks but no thanks. You'd have to understand my family dynamic to understand why this really was not an option for me. If you think she wouldd let it go after she wouldn't let go the issue with the grooms-cake 4 years ago, then you would be sorely mistaken.

What I really posted it for was not to complain about my shower, but to explain how this relationship I have with my mother twists me up in knots. That how I am a grown woman and she still makes me feel small. How she chose to ambush me with historical shit then so that I couldn't say anything even if I wanted to because I didn't want to ruin what she was doing for me. I should have left out so much of what I wrote, but I just started writing and kept going. This probably wasn't the best place to put those thoughts. I just bottle so much of it up and this is anonymous, so I put it out there.

In the end, I did get the shower I wanted. I did allow myself to be in the situation I was in. You are more than welcome to point the finger at me for these things, but is it really much easier to do that than stand in my shoes.

pnwlover12 · August 2014

dorothyzbornak97 said:

ADH0906 said:

pnwlover12 said:

TheOtherJacobsons said:

I personally want people to call me out if I've got my head up my ass. Not an invitation to N14... To the members here. I contacted someone who went to the N14 thread and asked for her opinion and ended up having a great pm about it. I would have had the same conversation on my post had she commented there. Still not sure why I didn't get flamed by people whose opinions actually matter to me. Not that I am saying you are talking about me, but that was one instance where we were very publically flamed for our Mean Girls culture.

Ok, fine, since you asked.

I kept quite because I'm not a super active poster, everyone else was giving you love tits, and you threatened to "flame the shit" out of anyone who told you that hosting your own shower was tacky. But I read your shower post and thought it was ridiculous. I don't know all of your family issues, but from reading your post it seemed like 80% of the problems with the shower stemmed from you trying to micromanage it and demanding that it be done exactly your way. It's not just a matter of whether or not hosting your own shower is tacky, your experience is a perfect example of why it is a terrible idea to host your own shower. It seems like everything would have worked out much better if you had just accepted your SIL's initial offer to host and gotten out of the way. I was surprised that no one called you out on that and instead everyone just gave you hugs.

Meanwhile, a newb posted on this board a day or two about hosting her own shower and everyone told her it was tacky. There is definitely a group think mentality around not calling out certain people.
What is your reading comprehension level? She didn't host her own shower...

Come now, let's not be purposely obtuse. The OP was full of etiquette missteps and I'm not surprised that it was called out on a few other boards...and that is not a reflection of how I felt about the OP, it's just a reflection of how I felt about that situation and the board's reaction to it. As I said in my UO, I don't have any desire to wade into a board-wide debate that doesn't have a place outside of the OP, but I'm not going to leave @SaraML13 hanging. Of course this is one (of many) of the posts that we've been referencing, and I think it was perfectly clear that @TheOtherJacobsons knows that by the amount of times that she's demanded to know what we're referencing. There are plenty of other examples that also don't need to be rehashed here either: that was not the point. The UO was to bring attention to the group think mentality (I feel like I should #groupthink that), which is exactly the thinking that has gotten other BMBs into some pretty tight spots and it has a place at this table to be discussed.
It's clearly a UO, and we're not demanding that the board change (which would be silly), but it's enough to make several people uncomfortable so why not discuss it, minority opinion or not?

This, exactly.

And I also really want to make the point that this is not just about the baby shower post to me. In all honesty, I've noticed this kind of thing happening long before that was ever posted (and to be even more honest, I didn't even read that post, so I can't really comment on it).

I think the fact that several people have spoken up in this thread to express discomfort in sharing opinions that are against the group opinion shows there's a problem. What the solution to that is, though, I really don't know.

I think that is sort of a personal problem though. I don't mean that rudely, but if someone is afraid to voice an opinion in an online forum, I don't know what can be done about that. On one hand, we have those complaining that we are too sweet to the "regs", yet if an opinion is voiced and people speak out against it, we are being too mean by "jumping all over someone". It is exhausting.

People will ALWAYS disagree on things, but blaming one's own insecurities about not being in the majority opinion on the people that regularly contribute is weird to me.

This isn't directed towards you, @dorothyzbornak97, I've never known you to be afraid to voice your opinion!

Edited for clarity. I had an entire paragraph that made sense in my brain but not on paper, haha.

pnwlover12 · August 2014

SaraML13 said:

pnwlover12 said:

SaraML13 said:

pnwlover12 said:

TheOtherJacobsons said:

I personally want people to call me out if I've got my head up my ass. Not an invitation to N14... To the members here. I contacted someone who went to the N14 thread and asked for her opinion and ended up having a great pm about it. I would have had the same conversation on my post had she commented there. Still not sure why I didn't get flamed by people whose opinions actually matter to me. Not that I am saying you are talking about me, but that was one instance where we were very publically flamed for our Mean Girls culture.

Ok, fine, since you asked.

I kept quite because I'm not a super active poster, everyone else was giving you love tits, and you threatened to "flame the shit" out of anyone who told you that hosting your own shower was tacky. But I read your shower post and thought it was ridiculous. I don't know all of your family issues, but from reading your post it seemed like 80% of the problems with the shower stemmed from you trying to micromanage it and demanding that it be done exactly your way. It's not just a matter of whether or not hosting your own shower is tacky, your experience is a perfect example of why it is a terrible idea to host your own shower. It seems like everything would have worked out much better if you had just accepted your SIL's initial offer to host and gotten out of the way. I was surprised that no one called you out on that and instead everyone just gave you hugs.

Meanwhile, a newb posted on this board a day or two about hosting her own shower and everyone told her it was tacky. There is definitely a group think mentality around not calling out certain people.
What is your reading comprehension level? She didn't host her own shower...

Regardless of what names go on the invites as hosts, I would consider someone who plans all the details, makes all the decisions about food and decorations, does all the prep work, and directs all the activities during the shower to be a host.

So because she had an idea of what she wanted her shower's theme to be - she is the host? I disagree. I don't think there is anything wrong with having input in a party that is all about you. Regardless of that factor, her post was about family drama. Who fucking cares if not every etiquette rule in the book wasn't followed to the T? I just don't get the hate towards that. Who cares?!

Did you not have an idea of what you wanted your wedding to be like? Because I can go on and on for hours about the bridezillas that exist in the world.

Gee, you guys are right that everyone is welcome to share their opinions. Didn't mean to rehash all the N14 arguments, just point out an example of when people bit their tongues.

Wait, wait, wait....
Did I tell you to STFU? Or did I merely challenge your opinion? Is that NOT allowed?
This is exactly the shit that I'm talking about.

pushgal84 · August 2014

My UO, and I'm sorry in advance to all who have fur-babies that fall into this category, but I have a severe dislike of orange cats. I've never met one I liked and when I see them I feel zero warm and fuzzies. I don't feel this way about any other color cat and can't explain it really. Flame away orange cat owners...

MrsSarahRenee · August 2014

pushgal84 said:
My UO, and I'm sorry in advance to all who have fur-babies that fall into this category, but I have a severe dislike of orange cats. I've never met one I liked and when I see them I feel zero warm and fuzzies. I don't feel this way about any other color cat and can't explain it really. Flame away orange cat owners...

Wait so we can go back to our original programming now?
Did we hash it all out or are we going to be talking about @TheOtherJacobsons‌'s shower in another three weeks? 8-|

pnwlover12 · August 2014

MrsSarahRenee said:

My UO, and I'm sorry in advance to all who have fur-babies that fall into this category, but I have a severe dislike of orange cats. I've never met one I liked and when I see them I feel zero warm and fuzzies. I don't feel this way about any other color cat and can't explain it really. Flame away orange cat owners...
Wait so we can go back to our original programming now? Did we hash it all out or are we going to be talking about @TheOtherJacobsons‌'s shower in another three weeks? 8-|

LOL. I'm just annoyed by the whole "I'm too afraid to comment" people. I'm just feeling particularly ragey about that, not sure why.

ADH0906 · August 2014

MrsSarahRenee said:

My UO, and I'm sorry in advance to all who have fur-babies that fall into this category, but I have a severe dislike of orange cats. I've never met one I liked and when I see them I feel zero warm and fuzzies. I don't feel this way about any other color cat and can't explain it really. Flame away orange cat owners...
Wait so we can go back to our original programming now? Did we hash it all out or are we going to be talking about @TheOtherJacobsons‌'s shower in another three weeks? 8-|

The UO was not just about her post, and none of us brought it up until it was pushed and pushed for. There is no approved list of topics that I'm aware of, so I apologize for deviating from the original programming. Please resume?

TheOtherJacobsons · August 2014

MrsSarahRenee said:

My UO, and I'm sorry in advance to all who have fur-babies that fall into this category, but I have a severe dislike of orange cats. I've never met one I liked and when I see them I feel zero warm and fuzzies. I don't feel this way about any other color cat and can't explain it really. Flame away orange cat owners...
Wait so we can go back to our original programming now? Did we hash it all out or are we going to be talking about @TheOtherJacobsons‌'s shower in another three weeks? 8-|

The funny thing is that no one ever really talked to me about it. They just talked about me. Clearly I have the ability to discuss things with people when they direct comments at me. This is a prime example of why I don't understand why people feel they cannot comment on stuff. Who cares how many love tits I got. Who cares that I said not to flame me for something like etiquette. I didn't want to discuss etiquette because I really wanted support for the family drama that I had. To me, the etiquette portion was not the purpose of my post. It was also not an invitation for people to discuss that topic, but it's not like people couldn't have if they wanted to. I can't control what people write, but telling me how tacky I am was not really the support I was after. So, I do appreciate that people understood what I was writing about and gave me the support I needed at the time. If my post was about etiquette, then I would expect that kind of discourse. It was not about that, however, so I feel like the responses were appropriate.

Emerald27 · August 2014

pushgal84 said:
My UO, and I'm sorry in advance to all who have fur-babies that fall into this category, but I have a severe dislike of orange cats. I've never met one I liked and when I see them I feel zero warm and fuzzies. I don't feel this way about any other color cat and can't explain it really. Flame away orange cat owners...

=((

MrsSinner402 · August 2014

Emerald27 said:

pushgal84 said:
My UO, and I'm sorry in advance to all who have fur-babies that fall into this category, but I have a severe dislike of orange cats. I've never met one I liked and when I see them I feel zero warm and fuzzies. I don't feel this way about any other color cat and can't explain it really. Flame away orange cat owners...
=((

This.

MrsSarahRenee · August 2014

ADH0906 said:

MrsSarahRenee said:

pushgal84 said:
My UO, and I'm sorry in advance to all who have fur-babies that fall into this category, but I have a severe dislike of orange cats. I've never met one I liked and when I see them I feel zero warm and fuzzies. I don't feel this way about any other color cat and can't explain it really. Flame away orange cat owners...
Wait so we can go back to our original programming now?
Did we hash it all out or are we going to be talking about @TheOtherJacobsons‌'s shower in another three weeks? 8-|

The UO was not just about her post, and none of us brought it up until it was pushed and pushed for. There is no approved list of topics that I'm aware of, so I apologize for deviating from the original programming. Please resume?

Oh please. Yes, I keep a list of approved topics. 8-|
I was actually being serious. Are we done with that topic? I thought we had talked it out before and I was wondering if people had rested on it. Because really, I think since it was more about family stuff, it probably sucks to have it brought up again and again.
I get your post was about bigger issues. I already commented on why the baby shower/registry/parenting choices arguments don't get me all in a tizzy. I will have serious discussions on issues that matter to me. Not showers.

So my in jest comment was really in earnest, do we feel like this issue can die?

MrsSinner402 · August 2014

Nicb13 said:
This UO is nutty......

Nuttier than squirrel shit.

hgielrebmik · August 2014

I sometimes get tired of the beating of dead horses.

ADH0906 · August 2014

Di_126 said:

pushgal84 said:

My UO, and I'm sorry in advance to all who have fur-babies that fall into this category, but I have a severe dislike of orange cats. I've never met one I liked and when I see them I feel zero warm and fuzzies. I don't feel this way about any other color cat and can't explain it really. Flame away orange cat owners...

Lol! I feel like this is the cat version of the red hair debacle...

@Di_126 I was thiiiiisclose to posting something about serial killer cats, but I thought it was too soon

MrsSinner402 · August 2014

Di_126 said:

pushgal84 said:

My UO, and I'm sorry in advance to all who have fur-babies that fall into this category, but I have a severe dislike of orange cats. I've never met one I liked and when I see them I feel zero warm and fuzzies. I don't feel this way about any other color cat and can't explain it really. Flame away orange cat owners...

Lol! I feel like this is the cat version of the red hair debacle...

Lets just say she's lucky I don't have an orange cat.

TheOtherJacobsons · August 2014

Sorry to drag it up again. I just asked because no one ever said anything to me directly about it. I never got to discuss it. When that shit went down I felt like a tiny little insect hiding under a blade of grass hoping no one would step on me. It was a pretty horrible feeling at the time. I felt like I could never post anything personal ever again. I still feel like I can't. Not here anyway.

MrsSarahRenee · August 2014

dorothyzbornak97 said:

MrsSarahRenee said:

pushgal84 said:
My UO, and I'm sorry in advance to all who have fur-babies that fall into this category, but I have a severe dislike of orange cats. I've never met one I liked and when I see them I feel zero warm and fuzzies. I don't feel this way about any other color cat and can't explain it really. Flame away orange cat owners...
Wait so we can go back to our original programming now?
Did we hash it all out or are we going to be talking about @TheOtherJacobsons‌'s shower in another three weeks? 8-|

I actually wasn't talking about her post at all, because, as I said, I never even read it and don't feel like I can comment on something I never read. I was actually talking about an overall pattern that I've noticed, which was brought up by another person's UO.

Also, my orange cat is a total asshole, but he is cuter than 90% of cats out there. Gingers, FTW, across species!

And I wasn't even really referring to the culture comments. We can keep talking about that if it is relevant. I was referring to the bringing up of the shower thing again.

I don't really have a preference about cats but I want to contribute something else because I feel like I sound super ragey when really I am not... But I have no mundane UOs to share

MrsSinner402 · August 2014

TheOtherJacobsons said:
Sorry to drag it up again. I just asked because no one ever said anything to me directly about it. I never got to discuss it. When that shit went down I felt like a tiny little insect hiding under a blade of grass hoping no one would step on me. It was a pretty horrible feeling at the time. I felt like I could never post anything personal ever again. I still feel like I can't. Not here anyway.

This gives me the sadz.

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