UO Thursday

KingLED · July 2014

Encchanted said:

Encchanted said:

How big is your water heater that your husband can take a 90 minute hot shower? (I focus on the important things, obviously.)

The normal size? I don't think I've ever seen a water heater that didn't last at least 90 minutes. I can go look...
No place I have ever lived had hot water that long. Thirty minutes tops. Maybe we just had crappy tiny ones...

Yeah, I would guess so. I've never had an issue running out of hot water and I tried really hard. I would intentionally wait until he got in to start washing dishes and cleaning in hopes that I could take enough hot water that it would matter. It never did.

KingLED · July 2014

Joy2611 said:

EllyD14 said:

Encchanted said:

How big is your water heater that your husband can take a 90 minute hot shower? (I focus on the important things, obviously.)

The normal size? I don't think I've ever seen a water heater that didn't last at least 90 minutes. I can go look...

I will escort you to my water heater in our last apartment. It gave you ...fifteen minutes. On a good day.

Wow. I've lived in 8 different apartments since college and they've all been 40-50 gallons. I cannot imagine only 15 minutes. How did you clean things?!

themrsJRD · July 2014

Popular opinion- there's a good amount of asshattery in here today.

KingLED · July 2014

GhostMonkey said:

EllyD14 said:

Joy2611 said:

EllyD14 said:

Encchanted said:

How big is your water heater that your husband can take a 90 minute hot shower? (I focus on the important things, obviously.)

The normal size? I don't think I've ever seen a water heater that didn't last at least 90 minutes. I can go look...

I will escort you to my water heater in our last apartment. It gave you ...fifteen minutes. On a good day.

Wow. I've lived in 8 different apartments since college and they've all been 40-50 gallons. I cannot imagine only 15 minutes. How did you clean things?!

No cleaning should require running water for more than 15 minutes straight.

So no dishwasher?

[Deleted User] · July 2014

The user and all related content has been deleted.

CocoMcGee · July 2014

ttcminicofer said:

My uo: when someone has to be hateful and opinionated on same sex marriages. My father and his partner are highly considering marriage after 14 years together. I think everyone deserves to love and marry whoever they want. And I don't need to hear how "disgusting" or "messed up" you think it is. (That was actually said to me about "those gays out there")

It would make me very sad if this was an uo.

CocoMcGee · July 2014

frankenmom said:

GhostMonkey said:

frankenmom said:

cramcakes said:

CocoMcGee said:

cramcakes said:

The phrase, "just wait until you have kids" has never bothered me. Probably because it was said to me by my parents who tend to be right with their "just wait until you **blank**" comments. To be honest, most of the things they reference (and other people reference) when they have said "just wait until you have kids" to me were true.

EDIT: Changed tense to only about me. Not a blanket statement.

I feel the same way. Usually wait until is followed by some major life shake up. You have kids, you are out of college, you are 20 years older than you are now, etc. It's possible that my opinions won't have changed, but I've had enough times where my thoughts have changed that I'm open to the possibility.
That being said, I think some people use that phrase to pretend they know it all. And know better than you.

Sometimes they do. That's why they say it.

I agree with this in some cases - especially when you referenced your parents saying it to you and with regards to big milestones. One thing that really bothers me, though, is when people who have kids say things like "enjoy your freedom," or "travel the world," or "enjoy your alone time with your H," or things of that nature, as if the WORST thing that's happened to them is having their kid(s). I understand that having a child is a HUGE life-altering event, but it really bothers me when parents say things like that as if my freedom will be gone, or I wont be able to enjoy anything ever again.

As a side note - I also really hated hearing this when I was engaged, as if getting married was some sort of death sentence.

Enjoy it though. You will have little time with just him for many, many years.

That's not saying they regret their kids and will never enjoy anything again. Holy fuck to that overreaction. Chill out. Christ.

I don't think I overreacted to anything...I really and truly think that when I say "I want to have a kid" and someone's FIRST response is "OMG wait as long as you can, enjoy time with your H, enjoy your freedom"...that is an overreaction. And yes, I have gotten that response before. I just personally think that when I have a kid, I'll enjoy time with both my kid and my H. And it's just disheartening to hear my friends with kids talk like that regarding losing their freedom, etc. etc.

I also don't like being told to "wait as long as you can." Just because I'm [relatively] young (I don't personally consider 26 young) to be actively TTC, doesn't mean I'm not ready or don't know enough to be a parent. Though, I don't think this is necessarily a UO...moreso just something that annoys the F outta me. I guess I just don't like when people try to talk others out of kids, marriage, etc.

I think people say that, because it is a reality. Do I regret having my child? No, not for anything. Do I have freedom the way I did when I was childless? Do I have as much time for my husband? Of course not. My freedom is gone. That is not a regret or an overreaction, it just is. I really don't think anyone is trying to be harsh by expressing this, more just be aware of what you are getting into.

divinemsbee · July 2014

CocoMcGee said:

frankenmom said:

GhostMonkey said:

frankenmom said:

cramcakes said:

CocoMcGee said:

cramcakes said:

The phrase, "just wait until you have kids" has never bothered me. Probably because it was said to me by my parents who tend to be right with their "just wait until you **blank**" comments. To be honest, most of the things they reference (and other people reference) when they have said "just wait until you have kids" to me were true.

EDIT: Changed tense to only about me. Not a blanket statement.

I feel the same way. Usually wait until is followed by some major life shake up. You have kids, you are out of college, you are 20 years older than you are now, etc. It's possible that my opinions won't have changed, but I've had enough times where my thoughts have changed that I'm open to the possibility.
That being said, I think some people use that phrase to pretend they know it all. And know better than you.

Sometimes they do. That's why they say it.

I agree with this in some cases - especially when you referenced your parents saying it to you and with regards to big milestones. One thing that really bothers me, though, is when people who have kids say things like "enjoy your freedom," or "travel the world," or "enjoy your alone time with your H," or things of that nature, as if the WORST thing that's happened to them is having their kid(s). I understand that having a child is a HUGE life-altering event, but it really bothers me when parents say things like that as if my freedom will be gone, or I wont be able to enjoy anything ever again.

As a side note - I also really hated hearing this when I was engaged, as if getting married was some sort of death sentence.

Enjoy it though. You will have little time with just him for many, many years.

That's not saying they regret their kids and will never enjoy anything again. Holy fuck to that overreaction. Chill out. Christ.

I don't think I overreacted to anything...I really and truly think that when I say "I want to have a kid" and someone's FIRST response is "OMG wait as long as you can, enjoy time with your H, enjoy your freedom"...that is an overreaction. And yes, I have gotten that response before. I just personally think that when I have a kid, I'll enjoy time with both my kid and my H. And it's just disheartening to hear my friends with kids talk like that regarding losing their freedom, etc. etc.

I also don't like being told to "wait as long as you can." Just because I'm [relatively] young (I don't personally consider 26 young) to be actively TTC, doesn't mean I'm not ready or don't know enough to be a parent. Though, I don't think this is necessarily a UO...moreso just something that annoys the F outta me. I guess I just don't like when people try to talk others out of kids, marriage, etc.

I think people say that, because it is a reality. Do I regret having my child? No, not for anything. Do I have freedom the way I did when I was childless? Do I have as much time for my husband? Of course not. My freedom is gone. That is not a regret or an overreaction, it just is. I really don't think anyone is trying to be harsh by expressing this, more just be aware of what you are getting into.

See, but the double speak to that is that people will also say that you can't possibly be aware of what you're getting into with parenting until you do it. So which is it? Either you're expressing your opinions and experiences to make me aware, but when I say, 'Yes, I've been told that and I recognize it although I realize it will be different going through it' then the response is 'Well you don't/won't know until you're there.' So I'm not allowed to say that I'm aware of what I'm getting into, because I can't know because I'm not a parent. So I will continue to be warned that I have no idea what I'm about to do. It does get a little bit frustrating (I realize the way I typed that came off pretty strident, I didn't necessarily mean it like that, but the circle talk that happens sometimes is a bit annoying).

I think the basic idea is that no one who isn't a parent and in the trenches is totally aware of all it can take. I, as a non parent and non dealer with lots of kids, recognize that. But, after trying for almost 2 years I hate being told that someone's kids are 'good birth control' or 'wait a little longer' I do think that's kind of shitty, especially if someone knows my personal story (and, yes, some people who do have said such).

All of that said, yes, I won't know until I get there. I accept that I will have no idea what I'm doing the first time my kid throws a tantrum in the middle of Target, regardless of how many strategies I might hypothesize or read about. I'm cool with that. But it's the people who get all 'you will never know love until you have children' that I want to punch, because it so cheapens the rest of my life, and the lives of a lot of people I know who childfree either by choice or not. I do know love. I don't know what it's like to love a child, but I do know what it's like to love.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

The user and all related content has been deleted.

CocoMcGee · July 2014

divinemsbee said:

I don't think I overreacted to anything...I really and truly think that when I say "I want to have a kid" and someone's FIRST response is "OMG wait as long as you can, enjoy time with your H, enjoy your freedom"...that is an overreaction. And yes, I have gotten that response before. I just personally think that when I have a kid, I'll enjoy time with both my kid and my H. And it's just disheartening to hear my friends with kids talk like that regarding losing their freedom, etc. etc.

I also don't like being told to "wait as long as you can." Just because I'm [relatively] young (I don't personally consider 26 young) to be actively TTC, doesn't mean I'm not ready or don't know enough to be a parent. Though, I don't think this is necessarily a UO...moreso just something that annoys the F outta me. I guess I just don't like when people try to talk others out of kids, marriage, etc.

I think people say that, because it is a reality. Do I regret having my child? No, not for anything. Do I have freedom the way I did when I was childless? Do I have as much time for my husband? Of course not. My freedom is gone. That is not a regret or an overreaction, it just is. I really don't think anyone is trying to be harsh by expressing this, more just be aware of what you are getting into.

See, but the double speak to that is that people will also say that you can't possibly be aware of what you're getting into with parenting until you do it. So which is it? Either you're expressing your opinions and experiences to make me aware, but when I say, 'Yes, I've been told that and I recognize it although I realize it will be different going through it' then the response is 'Well you don't/won't know until you're there.' So I'm not allowed to say that I'm aware of what I'm getting into, because I can't know because I'm not a parent. So I will continue to be warned that I have no idea what I'm about to do. It does get a little bit frustrating (I realize the way I typed that came off pretty strident, I didn't necessarily mean it like that, but the circle talk that happens sometimes is a bit annoying).

I think the basic idea is that no one who isn't a parent and in the trenches is totally aware of all it can take. I, as a non parent and non dealer with lots of kids, recognize that. But, after trying for almost 2 years I hate being told that someone's kids are 'good birth control' or 'wait a little longer' I do think that's kind of shitty, especially if someone knows my personal story (and, yes, some people who do have said such).

All of that said, yes, I won't know until I get there. I accept that I will have no idea what I'm doing the first time my kid throws a tantrum in the middle of Target, regardless of how many strategies I might hypothesize or read about. I'm cool with that. But it's the people who get all 'you will never know love until you have children' that I want to punch, because it so cheapens the rest of my life, and the lives of a lot of people I know who childfree either by choice or not. I do know love. I don't know what it's like to love a child, but I do know what it's like to love.

My comment was more directed at the pp who said that people made it seem like it was the worst thing in the world. I was just trying to say that if I said anything like what she was talking about it wasn't supposed to mean that it was the worst thing in the world, just that it was the reality of the situation.

The "you won't know until you're a parent" was a much different topic as far as I was concerned, and wasn't meant to apply to my above comment.

As for saying that misbehaving children are birth control, I think that is meant as a joke by some parents who feel awkward about their misbehaving kids and just want to lessen the tension.

CocoMcGee · July 2014

slappalicious said:

GhostMonkey said:

Trickyjedi said:

Holy shit, how am I just now noticing that @GhostMonkey‌ changed her name back?!?! That is all.

Someone pointed out the other day that I was like 26 posts shy of the 50k badge.

It had to be done. And now I'm too lazy to change it back on some devices.

That was me!

All of this talk reminds me of something that I hated.
A few months back I said, "Aw how cute" about some kid in the grocery store (I need to keep my thoughts to myself) that was cute. The mom laughed and said to her SO (who was around the corner with the other kids), "She thinks our kid is cute." Then to me, "How would you like one of them?" (They had like 3 or 4 kids of varying ages with them) I just smiled and walked away.

I had found out about a month or two before that we were most likely going to be CF, so I'm attributing my butthurtness to that fact. For those who's views aren't skewed like mine, was it just me? Was that a shitty thing of her to say? Should I not have told her that her kid was cute? Was that rude of me? So many questions. It was an odd encounter.

This is making me cringe, because I've definitely made a joke like that before. I definitely didn't mean anything by it, and parents always loving hearing that someone thinks their kid is cute.

KatzKiss · July 2014

EllyD14 said:

RinnyBee said:

Maybe it's just because I'm not a mother, but it really grates on my nerves when women refer to each other as "mama". Like "you go, mama!"

I'm going to guess that's not it. It's just annoying. But then again, the type of person to say that is probably the kind of person I find annoying anyways.

Uh oh. I do this. It has nothing to do with whether a person is a mother or not. It's just a term of endearment I call my friends like "hey sexy mama". I call my BF big mama because she's six feet tall and that's what everyone calls her. She even refers to herself that way sometimes and she's not a mom.

KingLED · July 2014

slappalicious said:

GhostMonkey said:

Trickyjedi said:

Holy shit, how am I just now noticing that @GhostMonkey‌ changed her name back?!?! That is all.

Someone pointed out the other day that I was like 26 posts shy of the 50k badge.

It had to be done. And now I'm too lazy to change it back on some devices.

That was me!

All of this talk reminds me of something that I hated.
A few months back I said, "Aw how cute" about some kid in the grocery store (I need to keep my thoughts to myself) that was cute. The mom laughed and said to her SO (who was around the corner with the other kids), "She thinks our kid is cute." Then to me, "How would you like one of them?" (They had like 3 or 4 kids of varying ages with them) I just smiled and walked away.

I had found out about a month or two before that we were most likely going to be CF, so I'm attributing my butthurtness to that fact. For those who's views aren't skewed like mine, was it just me? Was that a shitty thing of her to say? Should I not have told her that her kid was cute? Was that rude of me? So many questions. It was an odd encounter.

I'm jaded, but I would have felt the same way. I've had people that I'm closer to say things like that offhand not thinking and I just stare blankly at them for a minute until they realize what they said. But yeah. I vote shitty.

divinemsbee · July 2014

EllyD14 said:

slappalicious said:

GhostMonkey said:

Trickyjedi said:

x

x

That was me!

All of this talk reminds me of something that I hated.
A few months back I said, "Aw how cute" about some kid in the grocery store (I need to keep my thoughts to myself) that was cute. The mom laughed and said to her SO (who was around the corner with the other kids), "She thinks our kid is cute." Then to me, "How would you like one of them?" (They had like 3 or 4 kids of varying ages with them) I just smiled and walked away.

I had found out about a month or two before that we were most likely going to be CF, so I'm attributing my butthurtness to that fact. For those who's views aren't skewed like mine, was it just me? Was that a shitty thing of her to say? Should I not have told her that her kid was cute? Was that rude of me? So many questions. It was an odd encounter.

I'm jaded, but I would have felt the same way. I've had people that I'm closer to say things like that offhand not thinking and I just stare blankly at them for a minute until they realize what they said. But yeah. I vote shitty.

I vote kinda shitty (but my view is a fraction skewed). I feel like people need to be taught how to take a compliment gracefully. "Your kid is so cute." "Thank you." No need to editorialize. Or even, if the kid was old enough to talk or understand "This nice lady says you're cute, say thank you for the compliment" (Learning opportunity, also, something I think of now that I will probably forget). I get being a smart ass and all, but sometimes you just need to say thanks and carry on. I do think she probably wasn't thinking of how that would sound, but it still comes off a little weird and crappy.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

The user and all related content has been deleted.

KingLED · July 2014

slappalicious said:

FFTC: I thought I was a princess when I was little. I thought if someone put a pea under my mattress, that I'd be able to feel it. I was irrationally upset (at the age of 3 or 4) when my brother and mother told me that I was a human being and that even princesses are human beings too.

This is the best thing ever.

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