So FFFC...

theseaword · May 2014

Will actually be flame free today, right? Put down your flame throwers and take out your orthopedic hugging mittens!

[Deleted User] · May 2014

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[Deleted User] · May 2014

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[Deleted User] · May 2014

My name isn't Jen.

[Deleted User] · May 2014

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1Panda · May 2014

When I first started lurking around the boards, I thought FFFC stood for "finally fucking Friday confessions." Lol.

I actually don't have a real confession though.

mrebecca · May 2014

I was nursing DS and holding DD in my lap also (DD on the left, DS on my right). I felt a sneeze coming, so I turned my head to the right (since DS was down at my boob, and presumably out of the snot projection path) to let out my sneeze since both hands were being sat upon and I couldn't grab a tissue.
I was wrong about my aim, and when I looked down post-sneeze, there was my snot on DS's head.

I cleaned and disinfected him immediately, but that doesn't change that I sneezed snot rockets into my infant son's hair.

I'm still gonna get hugs and not flames, right?

mrebecca · May 2014

Also, last night I made cookies instead of dinner.

[Deleted User] · May 2014

I feel like someone dropped lasagna on their newborns head while eating.

Snot doesn't even register as flammable. No worries.

mrebecca · May 2014

Annd... DD was singing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" to DS. That would have been really sweet, but then she added her own lyrics:

Twinkle, twinkle, little star.
Butt hole. Butt crack.
How I wonder what you are.
Butt hole, butt crack."

I laughed and didn't stop her. Freedom of expression, right?

PeanutButterFox · May 2014

My 12y/o still can't blow her nose properly. She has to be coached every time and it takes several tries to actually get the snot out. I'm a failure at mothering.

BluepointToasted · May 2014

I dripped all kinds if things on DS's head when he was nursing. Enchiladas come to mind. Maybe if he didn't want to nurse 14 damn hours a day he wouldn't have gotten food dropped on him!

BluepointToasted · May 2014

In the past two days I have gouged beneath DS's eye with my nail and just now scraped his head with his ring. Almost dropped him on his head. I feel like a klutzy danger to my own kid this week

BluepointToasted · May 2014

PeanutButterFox said:
My 12y/o still can't blow her nose properly. She has to be coached every time and it takes several tries to actually get the snot out. I'm a failure at mothering.

DSS just got good at this (15). And there are still times when I have to tell him to go blow his nose, so.....

Dubwife79 · May 2014

Sometimes Wheneve had a shitastic day at work I'll put the sean hannity radio show on in the car on the way home. So instead of telling the morons I work with how much they suck I yell at hannity instead. It's therapeutic.

DonnaNoble · May 2014

I've completely given up on trying to keep the twins off the couch, but I'm annoyed with it. It's more a curtain pulling, general annoyance issue, than no kids jumping on the couch. Lo fell off yesterday and I said "that's what happens". He never cries when he gets hurt (not even when he skidded on pavement with his head and ended up bleeding) so I didn't feel bad, he just climbed back up.

acaudill75 · May 2014

I'm judging my neighbor and I'm not sure I should. Her son just turned four and she no longer has him in a car seat. He is just in a booster, no harness. DD1 is older and bigger and I can't imagine her in just a booster. Probably being pearl clutchy, and I'm sure I was bouncing around in the backseat at that age.

kellyrn9956 · May 2014

My son's latest new word is shit. I'm sure it's not really shit, and he's really trying to say something else. But it totally sounds like shit, and he says it a lot when he does something that annoys him, like dropping his sippy. But the problem is that I somewhat encourage it by repeating it back. We have nightly "shit" banter. MOTY.

I also used to beg my niece to say motorcycle because it sounded just like Mudder Fucker. I am an awesome aunt.

ppants · May 2014

It's weirdly comforting to know all the names on the leaderboard again

stoneycakes · May 2014

mrebecca said:

I was nursing DS and holding DD in my lap also (DD on the left, DS on my right). I felt a sneeze coming, so I turned my head to the right (since DS was down at my boob, and presumably out of the snot projection path) to let out my sneeze since both hands were being sat upon and I couldn't grab a tissue.
I was wrong about my aim, and when I looked down post-sneeze, there was my snot on DS's head.

I cleaned and disinfected him immediately, but that doesn't change that I sneezed snot rockets into my infant son's hair.

I'm still gonna get hugs and not flames, right?

I'm pretty sure he'll get you back at some point in the very near future. Probably with an even more offensive bodily function

Unknown · May 2014

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jesuisfatiguee · May 2014

Sundae13 said:

I took today off to cuddle the baby, work out, clean my house, and prep for a BBQ we are having for dinner tonight. It feels good.

Those all sound like solid reasons to me! Enjoy your time off

secretsout · May 2014

Most nights I tell L that the overhead light is broken so that he won't insist that I turn it on at bedtime.

I feel guilty for lying, but it works so...

(It isn't like it's dark in there. He has a small lamp that I leave on for him, but the overhead light just keeps him up half the night.)

jesuisfatiguee · May 2014

HilarityEnsued said:

I should also confess I found that Meme while poking around on the Instagram pop page and stumbling upon the Playboy Play.mate of the Year 2014... and then checking out all her photos. Mostly boring selfies but I saw that meme and lol'd and figured I had to share.

Well, she is definitely my type.

ppants · May 2014

DH owns his own practice. He shorted himself a paycheck a while back when he should have paid himself 3 times that month. I just got paid, paid bills, and we have $6 until he pays himself next week. I want to ask him for at least part of the $, but I know that he was stressed about taxes and the like recently.

I do keep extra $ in our account that I don't figure into our balance so we won't overdraw ourselves before he gets paid.

ETA: I will still buy for myself wine tonight despite my dwindling resources

LaurelBee · May 2014

MarlaSinger& said:

I feel like someone dropped lasagna on their newborns head while eating. Snot doesn't even register as flammable. No worries.

I dropped ice cream with chocolate sauce on Ds while BFing and licked it off his bald head! It's only flammable if OP licked the snot off him

[Deleted User] · May 2014

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colliebabe · May 2014

Well since I won't be flamed for this...I'm planning to wear a bikini while pregnant this summer.

(Just kidding about the flame part - flame away! The haters can suck it!)

LaurelBee · May 2014

colliebabe said:

Well since I won't be flamed for this...I'm planning to wear a bikini while pregnant this summer.

(Just kidding about the flame part - flame away! The haters can suck it!)

This isn't flammable in the least. Rock it girlfriend

JerkStore213 · May 2014

I clogged not one, but two toilets yesterday with the world's biggest poops. They were so impressive that I took pictures of them.

WillieNelsonsGardener · May 2014

oh shit!

RondackHiker · May 2014

I snapped dh a boob pic and accidentally sent it to my sister instead.

Better than the time I texted dh for a quickie over lunch and he was driving his boss around and asked his boss to see who sent the message.

aforst · May 2014

DS1 has "Kindy 500" today (they race around the gym on trikes). I'm pumping in the school parking lot right now. I'm waiting to be arrested for indecent exposure and banned from his school forever. I figure this is better than exposing a bunch of Kindergarteners to huge milk filled boobs.

NotSharknado · May 2014

Sophia eats hair too. It's so gross.

Helenahhandbasket · May 2014

FTWR said:

On Tuesday I let DD eat a McNugget Happy Meal and watch Spongebob.

Yikes. I HOPE this isn't flameable.

NotSharknado · May 2014

My pointy finger is sore from the way I hold my phone. Yeah, it's sore because TB consumed me this week. I should be sore from working out, not bumping.

acaudill75 · May 2014

aforst said:

DS1 has "Kindy 500" today (they race around the gym on trikes). I'm pumping in the school parking lot right now. I'm waiting to be arrested for indecent exposure and banned from his school forever. I figure this is better than exposing a bunch of Kindergarteners to huge milk filled boobs.

First off, I love "kindy 500." Second, your ticker says you are pregnant. Did you have the baby? I haven't been around, so .... Or are you pumping before the baby is born? So confused.

acaudill75 · May 2014

I have another FFFC: I got my BA in History, emphasis on medieval Europe. I'm addicted to Reign, and it is so embarrassing, because the show is grossly inaccurate. I am almost positive Mary, queen of scots, did not have any friends named Kenna or Lola.

FalconCrest · May 2014

acaudill75 said:

I'm judging my neighbor and I'm not sure I should. Her son just turned four and she no longer has him in a car seat. He is just in a booster, no harness. DD1 is older and bigger and I can't imagine her in just a booster. Probably being pearl clutchy, and I'm sure I was bouncing around in the backseat at that age.

My SIL has my 2 year old nephew in a booster...

NotSharknado · May 2014

Only rich people can afford masturbation suits.

[Deleted User] · May 2014

We have a lot of road flooding due to rains. I should have turned around twice but drove my Canyanero through instead.

I watched smaller cars navigate first though, so that makes it okay?

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