My big baby is getting picked on :(

bubblesmtu · April 2014

My sweet little girl is in the 90th for height and weight and to me is beautiful and healthy. All people comment on first is how big she is and say things like 'well she hasn't missed any meals'. It makes me feel like crap and it's like she's being teased already - she's just a baby!!! Also she's EBF so it's not like I'm over feeding her formula. Just had to vent about this, people are so rude!

lp0 · April 2014

She is gorgeous! I would take it as a compliment. It means you are doing an excellent job feeding her and she is nice and healthy.

Also if it makes you feel better both DH and I were extremely chunky babies (more rolls then you could count) and we were slim children, teens and now adults. Just because she's chunky now doesn't mean she'll have a weight problem later.

cherylnicole · April 2014

I totally agree with SSS...I hear these comments ALL the time (LO is 21lbs at 4 months)...I don't think anyone's doing it to be malicious to you, she's just a healthy girl for her age! And really, everything tends to even out at the end. By the time she's 5, she'll more than likely measure up the same to other little girls.

bubblesmtu · April 2014

Yeah I'm probably being overly sensitive about it - it just wears on you when you hear it all the time. And I think it's so crazy that in general (not everyone) thinks it's ok to judge a baby and say rude things that you would never say to an adult to their face.

ugoglencoco · April 2014

She is so cute! And babies are supposed to have rolls and be chunky! It means they're being well taken care of. Someone actually wrote on my fb on a pic of LO and my nephew "hey look it's Michael strahan and Yao ming"... Because my nephew (who is 1) has a gap in his front teeth and my LO is 28" tall and almost as tall as my nephew at 4mos. People just have no filter. Don't let it bother you, people are so shallow. Who comments like that about a baby anyways...

SusanC111 · April 2014

Mmc0323 said:

She is so cute! And babies are supposed to have rolls and be chunky! It means they're being well taken care of. Someone actually wrote on my fb on a pic of LO and my nephew "hey look it's Michael strahan and Yao ming"... Because my nephew (who is 1) has a gap in his front teeth and my LO is 28" tall and almost as tall as my nephew at 4mos. People just have no filter. Don't let it bother you, people are so shallow. Who comments like that about a baby anyways...

Skinny babies are ok too. I have a baby string bean. He has zero rolls. I hope no one thinks he's not "being well taken care of."

ugoglencoco · April 2014

SusanC111 said:

Mmc0323 said:

She is so cute! And babies are supposed to have rolls and be chunky! It means they're being well taken care of. Someone actually wrote on my fb on a pic of LO and my nephew "hey look it's Michael strahan and Yao ming"... Because my nephew (who is 1) has a gap in his front teeth and my LO is 28" tall and almost as tall as my nephew at 4mos. People just have no filter. Don't let it bother you, people are so shallow. Who comments like that about a baby anyways...

Skinny babies are ok too. I have a baby string bean. He has zero rolls. I hope no one thinks he's not "being well taken care of."

They are ok. I have 2 string beans. My LO is tall and has like non existent rolls. That's not what I was saying at all...

bubblesmtu · April 2014

superspecialsnowflake said:

bubblesmtu said:

Yeah I'm probably being overly sensitive about it - it just wears on you when you hear it all the time. And I think it's so crazy that in general (not everyone) thinks it's ok to judge a baby and say rude things that you would never say to an adult to their face.

.... I guess I don't see it as "judging" or "rude." No one is weight shaming anyone here.

People on here are nice and kind, I'm talking about, for example, the old lady that said 'I can't believe how big she is, how much are you feeding her?'
It's just like being pregnant again, some people have no filter on their comments.

fauxvegan · April 2014

She's a cutie!! My LO is in the 87th percentile for height and weight also so I get the "she looks older than that" and "she's big!" Comments too. I've never felt teased or anything. I actually feel proud of it! DD1 was always in the 15th and people were not nice. They always asked what's wrong, is she sick, are you feeding her, etc. all babies are different and they're all beautiful

LO is EBF too so my mom also tells people my milk is "special"...now that's embarrassing.

Don't let it bother you. You have a happy healthy baby and that's all that matters!

bubblesmtu · April 2014

Mmc0323 said:
She is so cute! And babies are supposed to have rolls and be chunky! It means they're being well taken care of. Someone actually wrote on my fb on a pic of LO and my nephew "hey look it's Michael strahan and Yao ming"... Because my nephew (who is 1) has a gap in his front teeth and my LO is 28" tall and almost as tall as my nephew at 4mos. People just have no filter. Don't let it bother you, people are so shallow. Who comments like that about a baby anyways...

I can't believe someone would say that! Did you respond back?

Chichigo · April 2014

I think people just don't know how to interact with babies and their parents. My son has neck rolls and chubby legs, but is only in the 9th percentile.

Some relatives commented on how chubby he is, others on how small.

n8swife · April 2014

My sister felt the same way when my niece was a baby. She was 10 pounds when she was born and was just a big baby. People made comments all the time and my sister didnt feel judged but she did get tired of it. I understand what you are saying. I would get sick of the comments too. Your baby is beautiful!

ugoglencoco · April 2014

bubblesmtu said:

Mmc0323 said:
She is so cute! And babies are supposed to have rolls and be chunky! It means they're being well taken care of. Someone actually wrote on my fb on a pic of LO and my nephew "hey look it's Michael strahan and Yao ming"... Because my nephew (who is 1) has a gap in his front teeth and my LO is 28" tall and almost as tall as my nephew at 4mos. People just have no filter. Don't let it bother you, people are so shallow. Who comments like that about a baby anyways...
I can't believe someone would say that! Did you respond back?

I didn't

. I don't know I just felt like if I responded it would be responding to ignorance with more ignorance. I could have said a million things, but none of them were nice in the least bit so I decided to take the high road this time.

golfingdarwinfish · April 2014

No one is going to say the right think 100% of the time, and I like to think that people are not always saying things with malicious intent. People do not know how someone is going to internalize and interpret their comment. I don't think this has anything to do with a filter or even rudeness; people have said things to me that they 100% meant as a compliment but I took as an insult. Does that mean that they don't have a filter or were rude? Nope, it means that they aren't mind readers and they are likely speaking off the cuff.

I think in this context we are applying comments and qualifiers to babies in the same way that they are applied to adults and that is neither right nor analogous.

Whether a baby is a string bean or "big" (as you put it in the title of your post) is neither here nor there; all babies are beautiful!

Also, I guess I don't see the relevance of your comment about her being EBF and not being overfed on formula. Why does that make a difference?

bubblesmtu · April 2014

SusanC111 said:

Mmc0323 said:

She is so cute! And babies are supposed to have rolls and be chunky! It means they're being well taken care of. Someone actually wrote on my fb on a pic of LO and my nephew "hey look it's Michael strahan and Yao ming"... Because my nephew (who is 1) has a gap in his front teeth and my LO is 28" tall and almost as tall as my nephew at 4mos. People just have no filter. Don't let it bother you, people are so shallow. Who comments like that about a baby anyways...

Skinny babies are ok too. I have a baby string bean. He has zero rolls. I hope no one thinks he's not "being well taken care of."

Little babies are so dang cute too! My cousin's son is in the 0.4 percentile and just adorable. I would never comment to her on his size though because no one is more acutely aware of his health than she is.

cherylnicole · April 2014

hercules03 said:

These pics - she's around 9 mos. She was a slow walker because she was a big girl. But it helped one she got moving - the weight started moving. She sat up around 4 months because she was literally leaning on her big ol' belly lol. She's 4 now and she's perfectly normal sized. I've heard all the jokes about making cream rather than milk (EBF), even from her Ped. Just ignore the nasty comments. And know you have a VERY healthy baby on your hands.

Those pics made me smile hardcore

Love those cheeks!!

bubblesmtu · April 2014

hercules03 said:
These pics - she's around 9 mos. She was a slow walker because she was a big girl. But it helped one she got moving - the weight started moving. She sat up around 4 months because she was literally leaning on her big ol' belly lol. She's 4 now and she's perfectly normal sized. I've heard all the jokes about making cream rather than milk (EBF), even from her Ped. Just ignore the nasty comments. And know you have a VERY healthy baby on your hands.

I love her rolls- so adorable!! Thank you for your advice! What is BLW? Mine won't take a paci either.

greenbeanqueen · April 2014

At least your baby isnt in the 4th percentile like mine. People make comments to me about how tiny she is and the pedi questions how I feed her every time I go. She eats 5oz pumped bm every bottle every 2-3 hours. And I feed on demand when I'm home. Babies are different and I wouldn't take it as them "picking" on her. She is healthy and happy, so I wouldn't worry about it.

golfingdarwinfish · April 2014

ColeRose said:

VCGolfNYC said:
Also, I guess I don't see the relevance of your comment about her being EBF and not being overfed on formula. Why does that make a difference?

Because many EBF babies are fed on demand so you can't really "over feed" them. At least that is my understanding.

Gotcha! Thanks!

Kermode61581 · April 2014

@hercules03‌
Everything you said pretty applies to dd#2. I don't mind do much when people comment on her rolls or say that shes chubby but I hate when they use the word fat or chunky.
@bubblesmtu‌
I have had babies on both ends of the spectrum weight wise and people have always commented on weight. I think it might be because strangers in passing only see the physical appearance (bc baby is not doing anything, typically in a car seat or sometjing). And people can't seem to pass by a baby without something so the only thing they can say something about is what they see.

Also today I am moving dd#2 into size 4 diapers, dd#1 wore that size at 2.

clhathaway · April 2014

SusanC111 said:

Mmc0323 said:

She is so cute! And babies are supposed to have rolls and be chunky! It means they're being well taken care of. Someone actually wrote on my fb on a pic of LO and my nephew "hey look it's Michael strahan and Yao ming"... Because my nephew (who is 1) has a gap in his front teeth and my LO is 28" tall and almost as tall as my nephew at 4mos. People just have no filter. Don't let it bother you, people are so shallow. Who comments like that about a baby anyways...

Skinny babies are ok too. I have a baby string bean. He has zero rolls. I hope no one thinks he's not "being well taken care of."

We have a skinny baby over here too! Everyone always comments on how tiny she is. I've only taken one persons comment as rude and it was an old lady that said to LO "apparently they aren't feeding you at home. Look at those cheeks, they look starved." I flipped out on her because we have serious vomiting issues, so I was super offended since my kid is fed.

Chichigo · April 2014

bubblesmtu said:

hercules03 said:
These pics - she's around 9 mos. She was a slow walker because she was a big girl. But it helped one she got moving - the weight started moving. She sat up around 4 months because she was literally leaning on her big ol' belly lol. She's 4 now and she's perfectly normal sized. I've heard all the jokes about making cream rather than milk (EBF), even from her Ped. Just ignore the nasty comments. And know you have a VERY healthy baby on your hands.
I love her rolls- so adorable!! Thank you for your advice! What is BLW? Mine won't take a paci either.

BLW= baby led weaning. It means skipping purees and feeding baby appropriately sized pieces from the family meals. Baby needs to meet certain criteria before beginning.

NicoleStephane · April 2014

I have the opposite problem with comments over here; my lady is small. She is about 11lbs at 4 months. Every single person I see makes the comment, "Oh, she's so small." Yes, she is. But she's a bigger small now. I wouldn't take offense to it, I just think people think's it's OK b/c it's a baby....can't really insult a baby, right?

bubblesmtu · April 2014

VCGolfNYC said:

I think in this context we are applying comments and qualifiers to babies in the same way that they are applied to adults and that is neither right nor analogous.

Just curious - why do you think it's ok to say those things about a baby? Just because they don't understand, their parents do, and at what age would you stop calling them 'big' or 'small'?

FutureMrsCaesar · April 2014

I've had babies on both ends of the spectrum also and they've all been EBF. Ds1 & ds2 were big, chunky babies. Ds3 is very tiny (9th percentile) and it's much more stressful hearing that your baby is so small, looks sick, there must be something wrong with him, maybe he should be on formula, etc. I took it as a compliment when people told me the first two were big. As they got older, around 2 the 'chunky' comments started to annoy me a bit but they also started thinning out by then. Now they're totally average. Now I do cartwheels if someone comments on Ben being chunky or having rolls. But I do agree that if a stranger doesn't know what to say then maybe they should start with how cute he Is or what beautiful eyes, etc. commenting on weight isn't necessary.

BoothBaby · April 2014

MarBee1214 said:
I think its funny when people say my LO is getting chunky...she's 13lb 5oz (40th percentile) and 25 in long (75th percentile).

Yep, same here. Simon is pretty much around the 50th percentile, and people still comment "oh, he's a big guy!" when I tell them how old he is. Just goes to show that people have no idea what they are talking about.

Personally I freaking love big chunky babies. The rolls are just too cute! I want to squeeze them!!

RockiesNugget · April 2014

BoothBaby said:

I think its funny when people say my LO is getting chunky...she's 13lb 5oz (40th percentile) and 25 in long (75th percentile).
Yep, same here. Simon is pretty much around the 50th percentile, and people still comment "oh, he's a big guy!" when I tell them how old he is. Just goes to show that people have no idea what they are talking about. Personally I freaking love big chunky babies. The rolls are just too cute! I want to squeeze them!!

We are around the 50th percentile too and have gotten that he is a big baby a lot. I think it has a lot more to do with context that some people just expect to still see a newborn baby instead of a 4 month old.

Before LO was born I did warn DH that our baby might be a chunker because while I was a smaller newborn, I gained my weight quickly and was a cute little rolly polly until around 2-3.

amberpro · April 2014

It's a baby. It's not a matter of being "ok to say to babies and not adults because they don't understand" or "judging" your baby. The same set of rules don't apply. It's been said here before that babies can wear jammies in public and poop in their pants without being judged because they're babies.

Chunky babies are adorable. Skinny babies are adorable. People think babies are cute no matter what. No one is judging your baby. They are complimenting her in the best way they know how.

lp0 · April 2014

I never thought of the word chunky for a baby being offensive @Kermode61581‌. I describe DD as having chunky cheeks or a chunky butt all the time and so do other people. The only time I've ever gotten pissed is when MIL started calling her "fat ass". I felt it wasn't a nice cutsie term for a baby. I really wanted to ask her if she really wanted to be casting that stone lol. I love how many rolls my DD has especially since I was induced for her low birth weight. DS was always tall and lean. I hope I didn't imply in my pp that thinner/little babies appeared uncared for. Just like adults, babies have different body types. Here is a pic of DD's beautiful chubby thighs

(Stupid bump ate my paragraphs and won't let me fix it)

Kermode61581 · April 2014

@LP0198‌
Maybe it's not the word that bothers me but how br hey say it "oh my isn't she chunky". It just makes me pause.

notkateanymore · April 2014

I'm assuming you posted this just so we would all say how cute she is...so she's darling!! Nobody is making fun of an infant FFS. I have a big baby, people call him big. Not the end of the world.

lp0 · April 2014

Kermode61581 said:
@LP0198‌
Maybe it's not the word that bothers me but how br hey say it "oh my isn't she chunky". It just makes me pause.

I can understand what you mean. I think it's the context in which it's used that can make it offensive.

Kermode61581 · April 2014

LP0198 said:

Kermode61581 said:
@LP0198‌
Maybe it's not the word that bothers me but how br hey say it "oh my isn't she chunky". It just makes me pause.
I can understand what you mean. I think it's the context in which it's used that can make it offensive.

Also maybe it's because it is coming from strangers. The other day I was grocery shopping and this lady called to me from a few feet away. She said "I just had to stop you"-me thinking "oh great another weight comment"-but nope she goes "I had to just tell you your baby is beautiful, she should be on tv". It was nice but still a little uncomfortable.

bubblesmtu · April 2014

LP0198 said:

Kermode61581 said:
@LP0198‌
Maybe it's not the word that bothers me but how br hey say it "oh my isn't she chunky". It just makes me pause.
I can understand what you mean. I think it's the context in which it's used that can make it offensive.

Yeah there's a huge difference between someone saying 'she's so cute and chunky' and 'whoa, that's a huge baby', especially from strangers. We were at DHs hometown church yesterday and got a lot of those judgey toned comments from ppl I've never met so I think it just got me worked up.

bubblesmtu · April 2014

KateMW said:
I'm assuming you posted this just so we would all say how cute she is...so she's darling!!
Nobody is making fun of an infant FFS. I have a big baby, people call him big. Not the end of the world.

I didn't think about that but thanks, she is adorable

Old ladies can be pretty mean - who knows, maybe I will be too at their age.
Let's see your adorable LO!

ladameperdue · April 2014

She's a cutie, OP. My little one is finally gaining some chunk and I'm thrilled. As an aside, can you really overfeed a baby with formula? My ped said to offer her more if she seemed hungry after a feed, same as she said when we were breast feeding. I'm hoping babies can self regulate hunger as long as you're using appropriate flow nipples for the indidivual baby and not pouring bottle upside down...please let me know if I'm wrong!

HerbanMom · April 2014

If people make joking or snarky commentary about my big boy like that rubs me wrong, I've been known to point out that it looks like they haven't missed any meals either.

golfingdarwinfish · April 2014

bubblesmtu said:

I think in this context we are applying comments and qualifiers to babies in the same way that they are applied to adults and that is neither right nor analogous.

Just curious - why do you think it's ok to say those things about a baby? Just because they don't understand, their parents do, and at what age would you stop calling them 'big' or 'small'?

Well, considering the title of this post has uses the word "big", perhaps I can ask you the same question?

Yes, the baby doesn't understand while the parent does understand; and the parent should be wise enough to know when their baby is healthy and that a factual observation is not always an insult or that the baby is being "picked on". A parent should also be able to draw a distinction between when some stranger is verbalizing said observation rather than being deliberately obtuse.

Ashers423 · April 2014

I can sort of relate. Jocelyn was 5 lbs 12 oz when born and hasn't hit the 12 lbs mark yet so on a different end of the spectrum People make comments about her being "so small though" I'm already on the sensitive side of this as she's only been in about 3 and 5 % for height and weight and her head hasn't hit the charts yet So I'm constantly worried and wish people would keep there comments to themselves

NicoleStephane · April 2014

Ashers423 said:

I can sort of relate. Jocelyn was 5 lbs 12 oz when born and hasn't hit the 12 lbs mark yet so on a different end of the spectrum People make comments about her being "so small though" I'm already on the sensitive side of this as she's only been in about 3 and 5 % for height and weight and her head hasn't hit the charts yet So I'm constantly worried and wish people would keep there comments to themselves

This!!!! My LO recently got into double digits with weight. She was little when she was born, 4lbs 15oz (IGUR), and is a bigger small than before.

golfingdarwinfish · April 2014

Soozerella said:

VCGolfNYC said:

bubblesmtu said:

I think in this context we are applying comments and qualifiers to babies in the same way that they are applied to adults and that is neither right nor analogous.

Just curious - why do you think it's ok to say those things about a baby? Just because they don't understand, their parents do, and at what age would you stop calling them 'big' or 'small'?

Well, considering the title of this post has uses the word "big", perhaps I can ask you the same question?

Yes, the baby doesn't understand while the parent does understand; and the parent should be wise enough to know when their baby is healthy and that a factual observation is not always an insult or that the baby is being "picked on". A parent should also be able to draw a distinction between when some stranger is verbalizing said observation rather than being deliberately obtuse.

I think it's like junior high when you can start giving your kids weight complexes.

@soozerella

My mother started a bit earlier, but she's always been an overachiever.

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