Things I wish I could say to my daycare parents

wbrauns · April 2014

I am pretty surprised at the sheer quantity of responses on this. I think it's because this board is made up, mostly, of parents who have kids in daycare, or SAHM's, and I don't think there has been very many (or any) posts from a dcp's prospective.

I often think, "Parents really have no idea how hard it is to stay home with kids all day," But, with that said, I also have no idea what it's like to send my kid somewhere all day. And I'm sure it's really, gut wrenchingly, hard. And I applaud all of you, for being able to provide for your family, and do what is best for YOUR child.

Do I get frustrated with my parents at times? Yes. Just like everyone gets frustrated with their co-workers, or boss, etc. But, in hindsight, it may not have been the best choice to vent on here. However, I did get some good suggestions, and I thank those of you who offered advice, I wasn't really seeking out any advice, but I did have some great advice given to me.

Like..quit bitching on a forum and just TALK to your parents about the issues that are bothering you. Good point.

But, since this got such a response, I decided to google the same thing, and there's quite a few other articles, all over the internet, entitled the same thing. Here's one that hit on some of the same points that I had, but maybe in a better way. This is just one article, there's plenty out there.

https://welcometothezoo.ca/?p=498

wbrauns · April 2014

Nicb13 said:

wbrauns said:

I am pretty surprised at the sheer quantity of responses on this. I think it's because this board is made up, mostly, of parents who have kids in daycare, or SAHM's, and I don't think there has been very many (or any) posts from a dcp's prospective.

I often think, "Parents really have no idea how hard it is to stay home with kids all day," But, with that said, I also have no idea what it's like to send my kid somewhere all day. And I'm sure it's really, gut wrenchingly, hard. And I applaud all of you, for being able to provide for your family, and do what is best for YOUR child.

Do I get frustrated with my parents at times? Yes. Just like everyone gets frustrated with their co-workers, or boss, etc. But, in hindsight, it may not have been the best choice to vent on here. However, I did get some good suggestions, and I thank those of you who offered advice, I wasn't really seeking out any advice, but I did have some great advice given to me.

Like..quit bitching on a forum and just TALK to your parents about the issues that are bothering you. Good point.

But, since this got such a response, I decided to google the same thing, and there's quite a few other articles, all over the internet, entitled the same thing. Here's one that hit on some of the same points that I had, but maybe in a better way. This is just one article, there's plenty out there.

https://welcometothezoo.ca/?p=498

I personally think you have been very open minded since that first post of yours and 7 pages and a lot of shit later, you've held up pretty well! I'm glad you got something useful from this.

Thanks @Nicb13!

janinekrause · April 2014

I agree. and she NEVER said kids shouldn't be left in daycare if they are home. She wishes she got a few hours to herself so she wasn't judging that. I think she is referring to specific parents in her daycare, who have kids who are acting out and want to be with them, yet they still never choose to just pick them up early or spend time with them.

kateraid · April 2014

This thread is gross. I would have responded earlier but I don't have time every day to check boards like this. I have to say I think it's convenient that people reacted to statements in my post and failed to see others. Let me bold my own statements for you: Parenting in general is such a touchy subject. Everyone is secretly worried of making mistakes so they shit on everyone else who has an opposing opinion. I myself get defensive when choices I make are questioned by others (knowingly or not).

I'd like to point out some facts about my post that were conveniently looked over. When I said that being a daycare provider is more important than working an office job, well it kind of is. Your child is going to learn a hell of a lot from a daycare provider and it's going to shape their personality like it or not. Day to day work is what I was commenting on. Not the importance of actually working or not. I was simply pointing out, perhaps I did it in the wrong way, but I was saying that as a DCP I would constantly have it on my mind that I am helping to shape other peoples kids and that would weigh on my mind more than an office job.

Also, as you will see in my previous post, I stated that you entrust in your DCP not that you choose to use a DCP for the fun of it. I also stated that in today's society it's pretty much required to have a double income so people don't have a choice. I get that.

It's pretty sad those of you who resorted to name calling. No I am not a nasty person or a cow and I am not on a high horse and I am not saying anything negative about being a working parent. I was playing devil's advocate so to try and get the view of the DCP across. I didn't saw anything negative towards working moms. I was trying to point out that I am not a working mom because I knew before I had my son that it would be too hard for me and I couldn't do it. But that doesn't mean you have the right to expect your DCP to "shit rainbows" everyday.

Also, If the DCP has children with her from 6:30 - 6:00 p.m. and you assume those kids go to bed at a reasonable time, the parents are with them for 34 hours a week and the DCP is with them for 57.5 hours a week which would make the parents part time.

I know this post will be read over by all of you who are already on the defence and you will take what you want. So be it! Happy Tuesday.

Edited to clarify

sschwege · April 2014

LaurenAnthony2009 said:

I also watch children in my home. While I do understand some of your frustrations, they aren't your children. If you are worried about parents being early or late, you should charge them for it. Also try to remember that while you have complaints about them, they probably have some about you too. There really are much worse parents than ones who feed their kids pop tarts and put their childrens coats on for them.

I watch a LO in our home as well and agree that you should charge them for being late. I forget what my contract says, but I think it's like $1 a minute after 5:30. Also your hours seem really long, I would be beyond overwhelmed with what you are describing. Maybe it's time to cut the hours and/or hire an assistant for part of the day?

As for the particular family you are describing, I would either get rid of them or just accept that this is the way they do things. Maybe the husband has substance abuse problems or something?

kateraid · April 2014

Horrible statement or harsh truth. And if people want to judge me for that I'm not really worried.

skibunny59 · April 2014

kateraid said:

This thread is gross. I would have responded earlier but I don't have time every day to check boards like this. I have to say I think it's convenient that people reacted to statements in my post and failed to see others. Let me bold my own statements for you: Parenting in general is such a touchy subject. Everyone is secretly worried of making mistakes so they shit on everyone else who has an opposing opinion. I myself get defensive when choices I make are questioned by others (knowingly or not).

I'd like to point out some facts about my post that were conveniently looked over. When I said that being a daycare provider is more important than working an office job, well it kind of is. Your child is going to learn a hell of a lot from a daycare provider and it's going to shape their personality like it or not. Day to day work is what I was commenting on. Not the importance of actually working or not. I was simply pointing out, perhaps I did it in the wrong way, but I was saying that as a DCP I would constantly have it on my mind that I am helping to shape other peoples kids and that would weigh on my mind more than an office job.

Also, as you will see in my previous post, I stated that you entrust in your DCP not that you choose to use a DCP for the fun of it. I also stated that in today's society it's pretty much required to have a double income so people don't have a choice. I get that.

It's pretty sad those of you who resorted to name calling. No I am not a nasty person or a cow and I am not on a high horse and I am not saying anything negative about being a working parent. I was playing devil's advocate so to try and get the view of the DCP across. I didn't saw anything negative towards working moms. I was trying to point out that I am not a working mom because I knew before I had my son that it would be too hard for me and I couldn't do it. But that doesn't mean you have the right to expect your DCP to "shit rainbows" everyday.

Also, If the DCP has children with her from 6:30 - 6:00 p.m. and you assume those kids go to bed at a reasonable time, the parents are with them for 34 hours a week and the DCP is with them for 57.5 hours a week which would make the parents part time.

I know this post will be read over by all of you who are already on the defence and you will take what you want. So be it! Happy Tuesday.

Edited to clarify

Actually you are a nasty person.

skibunny59 · April 2014

LalaMama81 said:

So now you want to debate WOH and SAH? They aren't the same. One is not worse or harder, they are just different. They both have challenges. The grass often seems greener.

I didn't mean to get into a debate with PP over WOH or SAH but her post really got to me and pissed me the hell off. I just wanted to shed some light on the life of a WM because she obviously has no idea. Her post was just so ignorant and defensive. I guess I was trying to educate her.

skibunny59 · April 2014

skibunny59 said:

LalaMama81 said:

So now you want to debate WOH and SAH? They aren't the same. One is not worse or harder, they are just different. They both have challenges. The grass often seems greener.

I didn't mean to get into a debate with PP over WOH or SAH but her post really got to me and pissed me the hell off. I just wanted to shed some light on the life of a WM because she obviously has no idea. Her post was just so ignorant and defensive. I guess I was trying to educate her

I meant offensive.

sporkrox · April 2014

really people????!!!! everyone has a crappy day where they want to vent about the annoying customer who came in at close to return something or the child who threw up all over the floor. we are all entitled to our opinion we have freedom of speech get over it. I agree with the original poster that yes it can be hard and annoying, no I don't work daycare, but I used to help with one before and its not as easy as it seems. give the girl a break... 60 hours a week is a lot to work with not being aloud to voice your opinion. I work fourty+ a week in retail and have plenty to whine about I am sure she has a lot to vent about. freedom of speech people if you don't like what she has to say ignore it.

Meery82 · April 2014

kateraid said:

This thread is gross. I would have responded earlier but I don't have time every day to check boards like this. I have to say I think it's convenient that people reacted to statements in my post and failed to see others. Let me bold my own statements for you: Parenting in general is such a touchy subject. Everyone is secretly worried of making mistakes so they shit on everyone else who has an opposing opinion. I myself get defensive when choices I make are questioned by others (knowingly or not).

I'd like to point out some facts about my post that were conveniently looked over. When I said that being a daycare provider is more important than working an office job, well it kind of is. Your child is going to learn a hell of a lot from a daycare provider and it's going to shape their personality like it or not. Day to day work is what I was commenting on. Not the importance of actually working or not. I was simply pointing out, perhaps I did it in the wrong way, but I was saying that as a DCP I would constantly have it on my mind that I am helping to shape other peoples kids and that would weigh on my mind more than an office job.

Also, as you will see in my previous post, I stated that you entrust in your DCP not that you choose to use a DCP for the fun of it. I also stated that in today's society it's pretty much required to have a double income so people don't have a choice. I get that.

It's pretty sad those of you who resorted to name calling. No I am not a nasty person or a cow and I am not on a high horse and I am not saying anything negative about being a working parent. I was playing devil's advocate so to try and get the view of the DCP across. I didn't saw anything negative towards working moms. I was trying to point out that I am not a working mom because I knew before I had my son that it would be too hard for me and I couldn't do it. But that doesn't mean you have the right to expect your DCP to "shit rainbows" everyday.

Also, If the DCP has children with her from 6:30 - 6:00 p.m. and you assume those kids go to bed at a reasonable time, the parents are with them for 34 hours a week and the DCP is with them for 57.5 hours a week which would make the parents part time.

I know this post will be read over by all of you who are already on the defence and you will take what you want. So be it! Happy Tuesday.

Edited to clarify

You're gross. We don't all sit at a desk all day, sweetheart. I'm a nurse; I care for sick people all day long. Is my job not as important as the DCP?

And part time parents?! WTF?! There is no such thing. Parenting is a full time job, whether or not you hold a paying job. Please, remove head from ass. You've been a parent for less than 2 years. Contrary to what you believe, you do not have all the answers.

acbfreire · April 2014

This whole debate is SO unnecessary and not related to original post! I have been mostly a SAHM since DD was born, but we had to make many compromises to accommodate for it. DD is a horrible sleeper, always had major separation anxiety, so I don't feel comfortable going back to work just yet.
I cannot imagine how hard it is when you don't have the option to stay at home, when you would like to, or how hard it is to go back to a full time job and come back home to cook, clean, and spend quality time with your child(ren).
DCP are a huge part of your child's life, but the kids know who their parents are and model them first. So, yeah, we don't need to be discussing this any longer...

MrsWindyCity · April 2014

kateraid said:

This thread is gross. I would have responded earlier but I don't have time every day to check boards like this. I have to say I think it's convenient that people reacted to statements in my post and failed to see others. Let me bold my own statements for you: Parenting in general is such a touchy subject. Everyone is secretly worried of making mistakes so they shit on everyone else who has an opposing opinion. I myself get defensive when choices I make are questioned by others (knowingly or not).

I'd like to point out some facts about my post that were conveniently looked over. When I said that being a daycare provider is more important than working an office job, well it kind of is. Your child is going to learn a hell of a lot from a daycare provider and it's going to shape their personality like it or not. Day to day work is what I was commenting on. Not the importance of actually working or not. I was simply pointing out, perhaps I did it in the wrong way, but I was saying that as a DCP I would constantly have it on my mind that I am helping to shape other peoples kids and that would weigh on my mind more than an office job.

Also, as you will see in my previous post, I stated that you entrust in your DCP not that you choose to use a DCP for the fun of it. I also stated that in today's society it's pretty much required to have a double income so people don't have a choice. I get that.

It's pretty sad those of you who resorted to name calling. No I am not a nasty person or a cow and I am not on a high horse and I am not saying anything negative about being a working parent. I was playing devil's advocate so to try and get the view of the DCP across. I didn't saw anything negative towards working moms. I was trying to point out that I am not a working mom because I knew before I had my son that it would be too hard for me and I couldn't do it. But that doesn't mean you have the right to expect your DCP to "shit rainbows" everyday.

Also, If the DCP has children with her from 6:30 - 6:00 p.m. and you assume those kids go to bed at a reasonable time, the parents are with them for 34 hours a week and the DCP is with them for 57.5 hours a week which would make the parents part time.

I know this post will be read over by all of you who are already on the defence and you will take what you want. So be it! Happy Tuesday.

Edited to clarify

lololol that you are upset people called you names and then you called working parents "part time" parents.

traveltheworld · April 2014

kateraid said:

Horrible statement or harsh truth. And if people want to judge me for that I'm not really worried.

Do you consider your husband a part-time Dad then? I assume he works.

I didn't find anything offensive with OP's original post, but do find your assertion that just because I work FT, I'm a part-time parent to be offensive. Being a parent is never a "part-time" job, regardless of the amount of time you spend with your child. My DH and I are the biggest influences in DS's life, by far. I'm glad you at least recognize that everyone is entitled to their own choices, but in the future, you may wish to re-think calling parents who work FT "part-time parents", unless you truly believe that those of us who work FT stop thinking/caring about our child during the time we are not with him/her and/or that the role we play in our children's lives are identical to those provided by a DCP.

Jenelle101 · April 2014

I am an in-home childcare provider of 12 kids (2 of my own), and I agree 100% with OP. It's the most challenging job I've ever done. I thought teaching 25 kindergarteners was tough until I switched careers and opened my childcare. I knew beforehand that this job was going to have many challenges, but I didn't realize how challenging it would be. I don't think anyone can truly understand unless they've been a childcare provider. So, OP, I'm on your side. (And I'm glad you haven't said some of these things to your parents... sometimes it's just good to vent.) I have most definitely written things in my newsletter about healthy breakfast choices after having a family bring their two kids to me every morning after eating oreo pop tarts or doughnuts EVERY. SINGLE. MORNING. I don't think of myself as a judgmental person, but when their kids don't eat at my house because they're used to getting whatever they want at theirs, and I have to deal with their crabby behavior because they have no food in their system, I'm gonna judge a little! I have also mentioned in my newsletters that I'm working on getting their kids to be independent. When they are developmentally ready to try putting on their own socks/shoes/coats, you better believe I'm going to enforce it! These kids will be in kindergarten soon and believe me! The teacher won't have time to zip 25 jackets before going out to recess. That would be cutting into instructional time, which is a big no-no. OP, you keep on doing what you're doing. Two field trips a week?! Wow, I'm impressed! And those are crazy hours. My hours are 7:30-5:30 and I'm exhausted halfway through the day! LOL.. You may have to start enforcing the rules more..add a late fee/early drop-off fee. I did and guess what?? No more late pick-ups/early drop-offs! It's amazing how a few bucks will make parents on time. Good luck!

MrsStanger · April 2014

we went through 3 sitters DD first 8 Months of life. The problem with the second was her stupid brutal honesty! She confessed to closing my daughter in a bathroom, in her highchair, after making a mess during her snack time. AT 8 MONTHS OLD!!!! i hope that if you are not geared toward being a patient person and prepared to suffer the consequences of a thankless job then you need to give those poor children back to people that can love them appropriately. we have all had picky children and it sounds like you need lots and LOTS of alone time. If your husband is still in the picture you should see if he wants to try parenting so mommy can get out. This saddens me and i cant imagine how your parents put up with your complaining!

wbrauns · April 2014

MrsStanger said:

we went through 3 sitters DD first 8 Months of life. The problem with the second was her stupid brutal honesty! She confessed to closing my daughter in a bathroom, in her highchair, after making a mess during her snack time. AT 8 MONTHS OLD!!!! i hope that if you are not geared toward being a patient person and prepared to suffer the consequences of a thankless job then you need to give those poor children back to people that can love them appropriately. we have all had picky children and it sounds like you need lots and LOTS of alone time. If your husband is still in the picture you should see if he wants to try parenting so mommy can get out. This saddens me and i cant imagine how your parents put up with your complaining!

Lol, did you even read my post? About how I wish these kids could be spending more time with their parents, because I feel bad that they are at my house for 60 hours a week if they don't have to be? I may get upset at the parents for feeding them crap for dinner, or spending 30 hours a week at home when they could be spending some of that time with their kiddos, or not communicating well with me when they say they are going to pick their kid up at school, and then never show up, but NEVER did I say that I don't love these kids. In fact, most of the annoyances that I have in my daycare, are because I feel like the kids are getting the short end of the stick.

As far as it sounding like I need "LOTS of alone time" not sure how you came to that conclusion either. I'm not complaining about not having alone time, nor was I complaining about my husband not being around to parent, but since you wanted to point that out. My husband is deployed, so therefore, it would be impossible for him to parent so "mommy can get her alone time"

karah0011 · April 2014

Seriously...this debate is still going on? Time to move on! However, it's been great entertainment!

ally2011 · April 2014

Nicb13 said:

wbrauns said:

Nicb13 said:

wbrauns said:

Asking parents to, respect my hours, spend a little extra time with their kids if they are given the chance, so their kids don't spend 60 hours a week with me, feed them food other than junk for dinner, and communicate with me if they tell me one thing, and then do another, is appalling? I would hate to be your daycare provider.

It's funny how defensive you are after you didn't get all the responses you probably hoped to get. I don't really care how long your wait list is, or how many things you do with these kids while they are in your care. You perform a service, that you sound really bitter about and no matter what you say, this thread just makes you look terrible.

So, if you work with kids, it's not OK to ever vent about the job, but in ANY other profession that's alright? Please, I see people on here complaining about their work all the time. That doesn't mean you shouldn't do it, or you're not good at it. It simply means that its HARD. It's hard to watch other people's kids, and feel that you are looking out for their well being, more so than their parents are.

I'm sorry if you can't see the difference. You are straight up insulting parents and the choices they make because you are pissed off at your job for whatever reason. You choose to work with kids so some might be picky eaters, some might be more dependent on you to help with coats and shoes, some might be loud and obnoxious but that's what you get when you chose this line of work. It's not necessarily the parents being dead beats or not caring about their children. If I want to leave work and leave DS at the sitter for the remainder of the day so I can watch TV then so be it. That doesn't make me a bad parent. That's just ignorant to assume.

Sorry, but I would question a parent who regularly did that. Needing a break once in awhile is one thing, but on the regular? To watch TV? No.

ally2011 · April 2014

elmoali said:

I'm ALL about you expecting parents to respect you as a BUSINESS - i.e. respecting your hours, rules and policies. You should kindly stuff your opinions on people's parenting choices. How dare you judge parents who dare to take a few hours to themselves. You may never get a break from your daughter but that's not other people's problem. The fact is, you run a daycare by choice. If you don't like it, do something else but don't you dare think you have a right to decide what people are doing during the hours they are paying you.

I don't really understand needing a break from your kid if you work full time...?

flummadiddle85 · April 2014

Here I thought this thread had finally died....

ally2011 · April 2014

Sorry, didn't realize this thread was old and beaten to death already....it was linked elsewhere....anyway, I just wanted to clarify as one of my BMB ladies lovingly told me I should that I did not mean to sound judgy and I completely understand needing time to yourself or a true break from all work, not just baby. Mentally I was thinking more about the family the dcp kept referencing that apparently leave the kids there on the regular when they are home. In that case, the kids know it and are upset by it. That made me sad.

DawnLilly · April 2014

OMG I HAVEN'T READ THE "97 New Posts" as its showing since I last looked. But seriously IT'S DEAD

skibunny59 · April 2014

ally2011 said:

elmoali said:

I'm ALL about you expecting parents to respect you as a BUSINESS - i.e. respecting your hours, rules and policies. You should kindly stuff your opinions on people's parenting choices. How dare you judge parents who dare to take a few hours to themselves. You may never get a break from your daughter but that's not other people's problem. The fact is, you run a daycare by choice. If you don't like it, do something else but don't you dare think you have a right to decide what people are doing during the hours they are paying you.

I don't really understand needing a break from your kid if you work full time...?

I can't believe this thread is still going on. I also can't believe I'm even responding to this. It's like reality tv. It's so bad that you can't turn away from it.

Anyway, every parent whether they work fulltime or not needs ME time. Working outside the home does not count as ME time. It's called work for a reason.

Want a personalized experience?

Things I wish I could say to my daycare parents

Re: Things I wish I could say to my daycare parents

Choose Another Board

Search Boards