This thread is full of ridiculousness, and no, OP, I do not mean you.
I find it very interesting (and revealing) that so many of you are SO ANGRY that OP even suggested that parents should spend more time with their kids. I think our culture is in a very sad state of affairs if someone merely suggesting that parents should spend time with their kids when they are able to, provokes a 4 page long witch hunt. Besides, she has clarified a number of times that this isn't an hour of "me time," but rather consistently choosing to NOT hang out with your kid when you could. That's shiitty parenting, and I think it's perfectly valid for OP to feel that way.
I think the whole original post was valid. Maybe some of you didn't want to hear it from a day care provider, but maybe look at it as an opportunity to learn something from someone with experience, rather than getting super defensive. Honestly, the people that were so over the top pissed about this and made the angriest responses just made me think that they are guilty of the very things OP was talking about.
OP, there was absolutely nothing wrong with what you posted. I'm sorry you got so attacked here, but you seem to have pretty thick skin and a good head on your shoulders, so hopefully you can brush it off. You seem to care about and love your daycare kids a lot, and I think that's a wonderful thing.
This thread is full of ridiculousness, and no, OP, I do not mean you.
I find it very interesting (and revealing) that so many of you are SO ANGRY that OP even suggested that parents should spend more time with their kids. I think our culture is in a very sad state of affairs if someone merely suggesting that parents should spend time with their kids when they are able to, provokes a 4 page long witch hunt. Besides, she has clarified a number of times that this isn't an hour of "me time," but rather consistently choosing to NOT hang out with your kid when you could. That's shiitty parenting, and I think it's perfectly valid for OP to feel that way.
I think the whole original post was valid. Maybe some of you didn't want to hear it from a day care provider, but maybe look at it as an opportunity to learn something from someone with experience, rather than getting super defensive. Honestly, the people that were so over the top pissed about this and made the angriest responses just made me think that they are guilty of the very things OP was talking about.
OP, there was absolutely nothing wrong with what you posted. I'm sorry you got so attacked here, but you seem to have pretty thick skin and a good head on your shoulders, so hopefully you can brush it off. You seem to care about and love your daycare kids a lot, and I think that's a wonderful thing.
I think a lot of this could've been avoided if her original post was more clear. She was talking about all of her kids' parents. We found out later she's really only talking about 1? saying that they get off of work early and don't pick up their kid SOUNDED like she was saying a few hours every once in a while. not every freakin day 6 hours early. that's not really "getting off of work early" that's having a work schedule that ends at noon if it's really multiple times a week.
The tone with "little Johnny" this and "little Johnny" that sounded like she was resenting the kids a little too. Like for not zipping up their coats like all the other good kids. I totally agree that if a parent is getting off of work at noon every day and waiting until 6pm to pick up their kids, that they SHOULD be spending most of that time with their kids. And if that's what's happening on a regular basis that really sucks for the kids.
FWIW I'm a SAHM so no I wasn't offended b/c I'm "guilty". The tone is what rubbed me the wrong way. Parents put a lot of thought and worry into choosing the right daycare provider. It sounded to me like she was really harboring resentment towards the parents that could then be redirected at the kids (like the feeding and zipping up coats thing).
It's no wonder daycare providers are so under appreciated.
I really want to know if you can see why we are all so offended by this post? Do you even see how insulting to parents in general this is?
I mean shit, I give in to my picky eater and let him have a PB&J, and sometimes I do too much for him and help him when he can clearly do it on his own and sometimes I want to leave work and go take a nap or watch fucking TV without DS there but that doesn't make me less of a parent. You are complaining about normal kid behavior and kind of making fun of them at the same time.
Woah! I just read all the comments and I think people are getting way too upset over this. OP was just venting and I don't think she was talking about parents who get off work early and take some "me time" occasionally. I think she was talking about parents who do this all the time. I've worked at numerous daycares and it was always the same parents who would come late to come get their kids. It's annoying after awhile. 6 is freakin' late to pick up your kid and now your going to pick your kid up even later than that.
Also, I think OP's clients need to respect the fact that this is HER HOME. I think it's very rude to consistently arrive late picking up your kid.
And PB&J is not junk food in my opinion.
Yeah, I've clarified quite a few times, but definitely not talking about parents who get off work an hour or two early, and take some time for themselves. I am talking about the parents who get off at noon, multiple times a week, and still leave their kids at my house until 6:00, or later, every single day. A PP said that at their daycare, children aren't allowed to be there for over 9 hours/day, even though the daycare is open for 12 hours. Which I think is a really good idea. I love my daycare kids. I really do, which is maybe why it upsets me so much that these parents choose to spend 30+ hours a week without them.
And as for "not knowing what their parents are doing" I've had their Mom show up at my house at 6:15 and say, "I'm sorry for being late, DH got off work at noon and I called him at 5:00 and asked him to come get the kids, but I guess the TV is more important."
So, yeah, maybe I didn't give enough backstory, but I was venting, and it is frustrating to see these parents, or this Dad, at home, multiple times a week, and drive by and have the kids ask, "Why won't Daddy come get us?". Sorry, but it seems like quite a few posters on here is jumping to the defense of the parents who are "needing some alone time" and no one seems to be focusing on the kids.
Seriously OP? We aren't focusing on the kids? If this family is as bad as you say you need to speak with them ASAP. Also, if the dad is as bad as you say maybe you should have more empathy for the mother who must work her butt off. I don't know why it matters to you that the dad is watching TV if he's paying but if there kids are spending too much time in your care then you need to say something. You need to shorten your hours and you need to charge overtime. It honestly sounds like this family is affecting your ability to properly do your job.
Also, remember you originally gave no back story. None of us could have possibly known about the problems with this family. It sounds like you are in a crappy situation and you are letting it happen and getting defensive with us. I really hope you are able to straighten this out. Good luck.
Ok let me explain why the zipper situation upsets me.
Let's pretend you just got home for grocery shopping and you have 5 bags of groceries you are trying to carry in the house, and your kid has his blanky, sees you with your arms full of groceries and says, "Mom can you carry my blanky inside???"
One way to respond to this question would be, "no little Johnny, mommy hands are full, and you are old enough to carry in your blanky by yourself."
Another way to respond could be, "ok let me just put all these groceries down and then I will get your blanky for you."
It seems I have a few parents who so the latter.
And for everyone saying I spend enough time with these kids that I should be the one teaching them to zip up their jackets to begin with, I AM teaching them, most of these kids were too young to know how to do a zipper when they came to me, but all of my five year olds now know how.
So when I'm zipping up my two, two-year-olds jackets up for them and little Johnny, or Susie or whoever, put their coat on and immediately says to me, "can you zip my coat?" Before they have even tried to do it themselves, it is frustrating, because I know they can do it, because I've taught them how! But when their parents pick them up in the evening, they put their coat on and then say, "mom zip up my coat." And mom bends over and does it, and I don't know if it's my place to say, "little Johnny, you know how to zip your coat, why don't you try to do it by yourself?"
And that is what frustrates me, not helping them, or teaching them, but having a 5 year old, ask me everyday, while I'm already helping someone else, to zip his or her coat up for them, because they don't want to do it themselves, because at their house they don't have to!
I was venting, I'm sorry if I came across wrong or bitter, sometimes when people vent they may not make a lot of sense. At the end of the day, I love these kids. I want them to be healthy, independent, and happy.
Ok let me explain why the zipper situation upsets me.
Let's pretend you just got home for grocery shopping and you have 5 bags of groceries you are trying to carry in the house, and your kid has his blanky, sees you with your arms full of groceries and says, "Mom can you carry my blanky inside???"
One way to respond to this question would be, "no little Johnny, mommy hands are full, and you are old enough to carry in your blanky by yourself."
Another way to respond could be, "ok let me just put all these groceries down and then I will get your blanky for you."
It seems I have a few parents who so the latter.
And for everyone saying I spend enough time with these kids that I should be the one teaching them to zip up their jackets to begin with, I AM teaching them, most of these kids were too young to know how to do a zipper when they came to me, but all of my five year olds now know how.
So when I'm zipping up my two, two-year-olds jackets up for them and little Johnny, or Susie or whoever, put their coat on and immediately says to me, "can you zip my coat?" Before they have even tried to do it themselves, it is frustrating, because I know they can do it, because I've taught them how! But when their parents pick them up in the evening, they put their coat on and then say, "mom zip up my coat." And mom bends over and does it, and I don't know if it's my place to say, "little Johnny, you know how to zip your coat, why don't you try to do it by yourself?"
And that is what frustrates me, not helping them, or teaching them, but having a 5 year old, ask me everyday, while I'm already helping someone else, to zip his or her coat up for them, because they don't want to do it themselves, because at their house they don't have to!
I was venting, I'm sorry if I came across wrong or bitter, sometimes when people vent they may not make a lot of sense. At the end of the day, I love these kids. I want them to be healthy, independent, and happy.
This has nothing to do with kids not being taught independence by their parents. My DD is 3 and she wants me to do things for her because she sees me doing them for DS who is 18 months. Sometimes she is big girl and can do it on her own. Sometimes she wants to be babied. That's okay too. I'm not sure how it's so frustrating. I'm a SAHM. My kids are 19 mos apart and I get very little break. It's a tough job. But I think in that area your expectations are too high. Just settle things with your trouble family and I hope it gets better.
This thread is full of ridiculousness, and no, OP, I do not mean you.
I find it very interesting (and revealing) that so many of you are SO ANGRY that OP even suggested that parents should spend more time with their kids. I think our culture is in a very sad state of affairs if someone merely suggesting that parents should spend time with their kids when they are able to, provokes a 4 page long witch hunt. Besides, she has clarified a number of times that this isn't an hour of "me time," but rather consistently choosing to NOT hang out with your kid when you could. That's shiitty parenting, and I think it's perfectly valid for OP to feel that way.
I think the whole original post was valid. Maybe some of you didn't want to hear it from a day care provider, but maybe look at it as an opportunity to learn something from someone with experience, rather than getting super defensive. Honestly, the people that were so over the top pissed about this and made the angriest responses just made me think that they are guilty of the very things OP was talking about.
OP, there was absolutely nothing wrong with what you posted. I'm sorry you got so attacked here, but you seem to have pretty thick skin and a good head on your shoulders, so hopefully you can brush it off. You seem to care about and love your daycare kids a lot, and I think that's a wonderful thing.
This is a reach...a big reach and horse shit too. You must have skimmed these responses and not actually absorbed anything we said if you make an assumption like that.
Nope. I read all of them. I stand by what I said.
And as for zipping up your coat, my daughter is in 3 year old preschool this year and they very much emphasize getting the children to do this on their own. So much so that the teacher sent out an email reminding parents to encourage their child to do this on their own. This isn't just OP's hill to die on...it's an important skill that preschool age children should master or at least begin to master. By 5 years old (barring some sort of developmental delay), there is absolutely no reason why a child can't put on and zip up their own coat.
This thread is full of ridiculousness, and no, OP, I do not mean you.
I find it very interesting (and revealing) that so many of you are SO ANGRY that OP even suggested that parents should spend more time with their kids. I think our culture is in a very sad state of affairs if someone merely suggesting that parents should spend time with their kids when they are able to, provokes a 4 page long witch hunt. Besides, she has clarified a number of times that this isn't an hour of "me time," but rather consistently choosing to NOT hang out with your kid when you could. That's shiitty parenting, and I think it's perfectly valid for OP to feel that way.
I think the whole original post was valid. Maybe some of you didn't want to hear it from a day care provider, but maybe look at it as an opportunity to learn something from someone with experience, rather than getting super defensive. Honestly, the people that were so over the top pissed about this and made the angriest responses just made me think that they are guilty of the very things OP was talking about.
OP, there was absolutely nothing wrong with what you posted. I'm sorry you got so attacked here, but you seem to have pretty thick skin and a good head on your shoulders, so hopefully you can brush it off. You seem to care about and love your daycare kids a lot, and I think that's a wonderful thing.
This is a reach...a big reach and horse shit too. You must have skimmed these responses and not actually absorbed anything we said if you make an assumption like that.
Nope. I read all of them. I stand by what I said.
And as for zipping up your coat, my daughter is in 3 year old preschool this year and they very much emphasize getting the children to do this on their own. So much so that the teacher sent out an email reminding parents to encourage their child to do this on their own. This isn't just OP's hill to die on...it's an important skill that preschool age children should master or at least begin to master. By 5 years old (barring some sort of developmental delay), there is absolutely no reason why a child can't put on and zip up their own coat.
This isn't just coats, I just that as an example. This particular kid is behind in ALOT of things because he's not made to do anything for himself. When he came to me he couldn't even get food onto his fork/spoon. I'm saying in ALL areas, if your kid is able to do something for themself, encourage them to do that, within means.
Obviously my 22 month old can walk by herself, does that mean I make her walk everywhere? Of course not, I carry her a lot. I put her shoes on her sometimes when I'm in a hurry, I do a lot of stuff for her that I know she can do, but a MAJORITY of the time, I encourage her to do stuff for herself, because that is what will help her the most in the long run, and I expect the same from my daycare kiddos.
This thread is full of ridiculousness, and no, OP, I do not mean you.
I find it very interesting (and revealing) that so many of you are SO ANGRY that OP even suggested that parents should spend more time with their kids. I think our culture is in a very sad state of affairs if someone merely suggesting that parents should spend time with their kids when they are able to, provokes a 4 page long witch hunt. Besides, she has clarified a number of times that this isn't an hour of "me time," but rather consistently choosing to NOT hang out with your kid when you could. That's shiitty parenting, and I think it's perfectly valid for OP to feel that way.
I think the whole original post was valid. Maybe some of you didn't want to hear it from a day care provider, but maybe look at it as an opportunity to learn something from someone with experience, rather than getting super defensive. Honestly, the people that were so over the top pissed about this and made the angriest responses just made me think that they are guilty of the very things OP was talking about.
OP, there was absolutely nothing wrong with what you posted. I'm sorry you got so attacked here, but you seem to have pretty thick skin and a good head on your shoulders, so hopefully you can brush it off. You seem to care about and love your daycare kids a lot, and I think that's a wonderful thing.
This is a reach...a big reach and horse shit too. You must have skimmed these responses and not actually absorbed anything we said if you make an assumption like that.
Nope. I read all of them. I stand by what I said.
And as for zipping up your coat, my daughter is in 3 year old preschool this year and they very much emphasize getting the children to do this on their own. So much so that the teacher sent out an email reminding parents to encourage their child to do this on their own. This isn't just OP's hill to die on...it's an important skill that preschool age children should master or at least begin to master. By 5 years old (barring some sort of developmental delay), there is absolutely no reason why a child can't put on and zip up their own coat.
This isn't just coats, I just that as an example. This particular kid is behind in ALOT of things because he's not made to do anything for himself. When he came to me he couldn't even get food onto his fork/spoon. I'm saying in ALL areas, if your kid is able to do something for themself, encourage them to do that, within means.
Obviously my 22 month old can walk by herself, does that mean I make her walk everywhere? Of course not, I carry her a lot. I put her shoes on her sometimes when I'm in a hurry, I do a lot of stuff for her that I know she can do, but a MAJORITY of the time, I encourage her to do stuff for herself, because that is what will help her the most in the long run, and I expect the same from my daycare kiddos.
Does this child have a developmental delay? Have you asked what he's like at school to see what he does with teachers? If you know there is no problem then be consistent and have the child do it themselves. Not sure why he can't do it himself with you even if his mom does it for him. A lot of kids do things differently with their daycare provider/school then at home.
This thread is full of ridiculousness, and no, OP, I do not mean you.
I find it very interesting (and revealing) that so many of you are SO ANGRY that OP even suggested that parents should spend more time with their kids. I think our culture is in a very sad state of affairs if someone merely suggesting that parents should spend time with their kids when they are able to, provokes a 4 page long witch hunt. Besides, she has clarified a number of times that this isn't an hour of "me time," but rather consistently choosing to NOT hang out with your kid when you could. That's shiitty parenting, and I think it's perfectly valid for OP to feel that way.
I think the whole original post was valid. Maybe some of you didn't want to hear it from a day care provider, but maybe look at it as an opportunity to learn something from someone with experience, rather than getting super defensive. Honestly, the people that were so over the top pissed about this and made the angriest responses just made me think that they are guilty of the very things OP was talking about.
OP, there was absolutely nothing wrong with what you posted. I'm sorry you got so attacked here, but you seem to have pretty thick skin and a good head on your shoulders, so hopefully you can brush it off. You seem to care about and love your daycare kids a lot, and I think that's a wonderful thing.
This is a reach...a big reach and horse shit too. You must have skimmed these responses and not actually absorbed anything we said if you make an assumption like that.
Nope. I read all of them. I stand by what I said.
And as for zipping up your coat, my daughter is in 3 year old preschool this year and they very much emphasize getting the children to do this on their own. So much so that the teacher sent out an email reminding parents to encourage their child to do this on their own. This isn't just OP's hill to die on...it's an important skill that preschool age children should master or at least begin to master. By 5 years old (barring some sort of developmental delay), there is absolutely no reason why a child can't put on and zip up their own coat.
I'm having a hard time with this. The original post did piss me off. It was judgmental and silly. Of course OP explained herself further and I understand her frustrations. But her original post was about how great she is and how terrible her daycare parents are. Who wants to hear that? I don't. And FWIW I'm a sahm so she was not describing me.
Also, my daughter is 3 and in preschool and they do encourage kids to put jackets on themselves. But it is not expected or emphasized by an email. My DD does have developmental delay and goes to preschool with all kids who have some sort of delay. Perhaps they have bigger fish to fry then the important life skill of zipping up jackets.
Okay, so here is my whole thing. I work with college students. On an annoying day, I could totally see writing a post that would be like, "Things I wish I could say to college students" and it would go something like
-Do not talk to me like I am your pal, emails should be written formally
-You need to chill out about this 1 credit class, things will be fine, there are bigger things in life.
-Your inability to complete work on time is not my problem
and such. The equivalent situation would have everyone jumping on the thread and being like, "I hope you aren't my college kid's teacher", "gee, you must hate your job", etc. I actually love my students and love my job and think I do a good job every day.
When someone writes something titled, "Things I Wish I could Say to My Daycare Parents", it is clear that the poster is talking about, well, her specific daycare parents and venting about annoyances.
The way everyone took it personally is mind boggling to me.
I hate to break it to you all, but your daycare provider probably thinks a lot of things about you and your family behind your back, I am 100% sure mine does and it doesn't bother me at all.
This isn't just coats, I just that as an example. This particular kid is behind in ALOT of things because he's not made to do anything for himself. When he came to me he couldn't even get food onto his fork/spoon. I'm saying in ALL areas, if your kid is able to do something for themself, encourage them to do that, within means.
Obviously my 22 month old can walk by herself, does that mean I make her walk everywhere? Of course not, I carry her a lot. I put her shoes on her sometimes when I'm in a hurry, I do a lot of stuff for her that I know she can do, but a MAJORITY of the time, I encourage her to do stuff for herself, because that is what will help her the most in the long run, and I expect the same from my daycare kiddos.
Sure you can expect it, but you cannot get frustrated when they don't do it your way because you haven't given that feedback to the parents.
This thread actually got me looking at my 2 year old and just this morning, I spoke with my mom when I dropped DS off at her house and asked her to help me start getting him to do more things himself. If you don't communicate with the parents of these children, they will never know that you EXPECT them to work on these skills at home.
There isn't a set timeline for these sorts of things like there is for when to start WCM or to FF your child (car seat), etc. FTM's like myself don't realize WHEN it's optimal to teach your child to put their own shoes on, try zipping up their coat, etc. I take the easy route right now and do it for DS
Exactly.
Daycare moved my kid to an open cup at 16 months. I would have never thought to do that on my own, but they told me they were doing it and asked me to work on it. They didn't just enforce the behavior at school and then complain that my kid wasn't drinking from an open cup.
Ok let me explain why the zipper situation upsets me.
Let's pretend you just got home for grocery shopping and you have 5 bags of groceries you are trying to carry in the house, and your kid has his blanky, sees you with your arms full of groceries and says, "Mom can you carry my blanky inside???"
One way to respond to this question would be, "no little Johnny, mommy hands are full, and you are old enough to carry in your blanky by yourself."
Another way to respond could be, "ok let me just put all these groceries down and then I will get your blanky for you."
It seems I have a few parents who so the latter.
And for everyone saying I spend enough time with these kids that I should be the one teaching them to zip up their jackets to begin with, I AM teaching them, most of these kids were too young to know how to do a zipper when they came to me, but all of my five year olds now know how.
So when I'm zipping up my two, two-year-olds jackets up for them and little Johnny, or Susie or whoever, put their coat on and immediately says to me, "can you zip my coat?" Before they have even tried to do it themselves, it is frustrating, because I know they can do it, because I've taught them how! But when their parents pick them up in the evening, they put their coat on and then say, "mom zip up my coat." And mom bends over and does it, and I don't know if it's my place to say, "little Johnny, you know how to zip your coat, why don't you try to do it by yourself?"
And that is what frustrates me, not helping them, or teaching them, but having a 5 year old, ask me everyday, while I'm already helping someone else, to zip his or her coat up for them, because they don't want to do it themselves, because at their house they don't have to!
I was venting, I'm sorry if I came across wrong or bitter, sometimes when people vent they may not make a lot of sense. At the end of the day, I love these kids. I want them to be healthy, independent, and happy.
I got your point from the beginning, I just wanted to add, if the kid that keeps asking for your help is that one whose parent's do not bother to pick him up, maybe he wants you to do it to get more attention? I work with kids too and some of my students are 6 and cannot tie their shoes. It seems that the particular culture from where they are from is okay with this kind of behavior, so it could be a cultural thing too. Anyways, you should stand your ground when people take advantage of you. Charge for the early/ late hours and maybe tip the parents on what they could do to make their children more independent.
One of the points I tried to make in my response is that it's really none of your business if parents zip up their child's coat or not. If it really bothers you, speak to them about it but if they disagree with you than you need to respect them as the parents. Some culturals really stress dependence, they feel it's vital to be able to rely on others for help. I know this is especially true in Asian/Indian cultures. You may feel that independence is important, but if they want to promote dependence, you just have to deal with it.
I think your post would have come off better if it was worded asking for advice rather than complaining about your families.
You sound like you need to talk to Little Johnny's parents. OR
You're burnt out from being in the daycare setting and should keep your own kid only.
Ultimately I pay my daycare provider to watch my kid, feed him, and wipe his ass. I don't pay you to parent nor tell me how. If you're so smart, write a book or get a show. I hear their looking for the next Supernanny.
P.S. when you refund half a days pay then I'll pick my kid up early.
Move your nose you're blocking the sun.
Wow, THIS statement, is exactly what makes the daycare profession so hard. Is money really that important that you won't spend extra time with your kid unless you get a refund? That's sad.
And for the record, my parents only pay me for the time their kids are with me, meaning, if they get picked up early, they don't owe me a dime.
And I guess I need to apologize for not being one of those daycare providers who considers her daycare kids her "work". Rather, these kids are with me 60 hours a week, and I love them, just like I love my own kids. It would be hard to spend 60 hours a week with any child, and not form some sort of bond with them.
Ok let me explain why the zipper situation upsets me.
Let's pretend you just got home for grocery shopping and you have 5 bags of groceries you are trying to carry in the house, and your kid has his blanky, sees you with your arms full of groceries and says, "Mom can you carry my blanky inside???"
One way to respond to this question would be, "no little Johnny, mommy hands are full, and you are old enough to carry in your blanky by yourself."
Another way to respond could be, "ok let me just put all these groceries down and then I will get your blanky for you."
It seems I have a few parents who so the latter.
And for everyone saying I spend enough time with these kids that I should be the one teaching them to zip up their jackets to begin with, I AM teaching them, most of these kids were too young to know how to do a zipper when they came to me, but all of my five year olds now know how.
So when I'm zipping up my two, two-year-olds jackets up for them and little Johnny, or Susie or whoever, put their coat on and immediately says to me, "can you zip my coat?" Before they have even tried to do it themselves, it is frustrating, because I know they can do it, because I've taught them how! But when their parents pick them up in the evening, they put their coat on and then say, "mom zip up my coat." And mom bends over and does it, and I don't know if it's my place to say, "little Johnny, you know how to zip your coat, why don't you try to do it by yourself?"
And that is what frustrates me, not helping them, or teaching them, but having a 5 year old, ask me everyday, while I'm already helping someone else, to zip his or her coat up for them, because they don't want to do it themselves, because at their house they don't have to!
I was venting, I'm sorry if I came across wrong or bitter, sometimes when people vent they may not make a lot of sense. At the end of the day, I love these kids. I want them to be healthy, independent, and happy.
I got your point from the beginning, I just wanted to add, if the kid that keeps asking for your help is that one whose parent's do not bother to pick him up, maybe he wants you to do it to get more attention? I work with kids too and some of my students are 6 and cannot tie their shoes. It seems that the particular culture from where they are from is okay with this kind of behavior, so it could be a cultural thing too. Anyways, you should stand your ground when people take advantage of you. Charge for the early/ late hours and maybe tip the parents on what they could do to make their children more independent.
This is a good point. I'm not sure if he's doing it for attention, or if he truly just doesn't want to do anything for himself because he's isn't made to at home. I don't think it's a culture thing. All my families are the same ethnicity/culture. And, I go back and forth a lot on talking to the parents. One part of me says, "you are with these kids all day long, you have every right to tell the parents what you work on during the day, and ask if they can continue to work on those things at home." and the other part of me things, "Well I've had probably 20 people tell me that its 'none of my damn business' what these kids are doing at home, and I need to 'worry about my f'n self" so, I guess, I'm a little worried thats the same attitude I would be met with.
1. I don't have kids in daycare and never have. I SAH and have used sitters. So, I'm not "guilty" of anything mentioned nor am I personally offended.
2. This was the wrong place for such rant.
3. Like I've said several times, this seems to be a really bad career choice/fit for you and your family. I don't blame you, it would be for me, too. I really think you need to reassess if this is what you want to be doing and if so, you needy to tighten up both your policies and your hours.
Oh, and that example comparing it to working at a college doesn't work. None of the examples listed come close to what the OP said, IMO, and I worked in Higher Ed. so I feel pretty confident saying that.
I would agree, this probably isn't the best career choice for me, because I expect parents who work 30 hours a week, to not leave their kids in daycare for 60 hours. I love my job, and I love my daycare kids, and my daycare kids love coming to me. So yes, I get annoyed at my daycare parents, and yes, I expect my daycare kids to do things for themselves that I know they are capable of doing, but I'm not sure how that translates to me not being a good fit for a dcp, except for the fact that I need to communicate better with my daycare parents. And I will admit that I may be guilty of that, but mostly because I'm not sure how much is my place to say something.
But if I was choosing a daycare provider, I guess I would choose the one who my DD loved, and took excellent care of her, but was annoyed with some of my parenting choices. Than the DCP who didn't give a shit about my parenting choices, and was simply clocking in and clocking out to simply get a paycheck. But that's just me.
This isn't just coats, I just that as an example. This particular kid is behind in ALOT of things because he's not made to do anything for himself. When he came to me he couldn't even get food onto his fork/spoon. I'm saying in ALL areas, if your kid is able to do something for themself, encourage them to do that, within means.
Obviously my 22 month old can walk by herself, does that mean I make her walk everywhere? Of course not, I carry her a lot. I put her shoes on her sometimes when I'm in a hurry, I do a lot of stuff for her that I know she can do, but a MAJORITY of the time, I encourage her to do stuff for herself, because that is what will help her the most in the long run, and I expect the same from my daycare kiddos.
Sure you can expect it, but you cannot get frustrated when they don't do it your way because you haven't given that feedback to the parents.
This thread actually got me looking at my 2 year old and just this morning, I spoke with my mom when I dropped DS off at her house and asked her to help me start getting him to do more things himself. If you don't communicate with the parents of these children, they will never know that you EXPECT them to work on these skills at home.
There isn't a set timeline for these sorts of things like there is for when to start WCM or to FF your child (car seat), etc. FTM's like myself don't realize WHEN it's optimal to teach your child to put their own shoes on, try zipping up their coat, etc. I take the easy route right now and do it for DS
Exactly.
Daycare moved my kid to an open cup at 16 months. I would have never thought to do that on my own, but they told me they were doing it and asked me to work on it. They didn't just enforce the behavior at school and then complain that my kid wasn't drinking from an open cup.
This is a really good point. I guess I can be getting annoyed at something, that my parents don't even realize that their kid should be working on it. I will take responsibility for that, and I appreciate you bringing up that point. I think I am so hesitant to talk to my parents about these types of things, because I'm not sure how they would respond to it. But, as a DCP, I shouldn't let that stop me from talking to them about these things. So, thank you for your input on that.
This isn't just coats, I just that as an example. This particular kid is behind in ALOT of things because he's not made to do anything for himself. When he came to me he couldn't even get food onto his fork/spoon. I'm saying in ALL areas, if your kid is able to do something for themself, encourage them to do that, within means.
Obviously my 22 month old can walk by herself, does that mean I make her walk everywhere? Of course not, I carry her a lot. I put her shoes on her sometimes when I'm in a hurry, I do a lot of stuff for her that I know she can do, but a MAJORITY of the time, I encourage her to do stuff for herself, because that is what will help her the most in the long run, and I expect the same from my daycare kiddos.
Sure you can expect it, but you cannot get frustrated when they don't do it your way because you haven't given that feedback to the parents.
This thread actually got me looking at my 2 year old and just this morning, I spoke with my mom when I dropped DS off at her house and asked her to help me start getting him to do more things himself. If you don't communicate with the parents of these children, they will never know that you EXPECT them to work on these skills at home.
There isn't a set timeline for these sorts of things like there is for when to start WCM or to FF your child (car seat), etc. FTM's like myself don't realize WHEN it's optimal to teach your child to put their own shoes on, try zipping up their coat, etc. I take the easy route right now and do it for DS
Well, I suppose in a weird way, this thread may not have been a total train wreck after all And you are 100% right, the parents may not even know that I am expecting this of them, and now that I think about this, the child who has the most trouble with this, is the oldest child in his family, the other three kids, who are all his age, are the youngest in their family.
If you're with them 60 hours a day and capable of teaching them yourself, given that you probably spend more time putting their coats on than their parents do, why not just do that? FFS. I do expect my daycare provider to teach my daughter things as part of her care. If you're not willing to teach kids how to put on a jacket and instead get pissed at the parents because their kid can't work a zipper (hell, at 32 I have trouble with zippers sometimes), you are in the wrong field. Send your kid to daycare and find an office job. You might enjoy not having to deal with children.
I don't get pissed at the parents because their kid can't work a zipper, I get upset when I KNOW the kid CAN work a zipper, and Mom comes in and zips up the kid herself.
Try assuming good intent and your world view in general might change. My 3.5 year old is capable of zipping her coat, but at the end of the day when I pick her up and she is being incredibly pokey and I am anxious to get home because I will only have 3 hours with her before bedtime, I might just do it for her. I would rather zip her coat myself and be out of there quickly because that means more quality time at home. Trust me-she gets plenty of practice of doing things herself.
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1. I don't have kids in daycare and never have. I SAH and have used sitters. So, I'm not "guilty" of anything mentioned nor am I personally offended.
2. This was the wrong place for such rant.
3. Like I've said several times, this seems to be a really bad career choice/fit for you and your family. I don't blame you, it would be for me, too. I really think you need to reassess if this is what you want to be doing and if so, you needy to tighten up both your policies and your hours.
Oh, and that example comparing it to working at a college doesn't work. None of the examples listed come close to what the OP said, IMO, and I worked in Higher Ed. so I feel pretty confident saying that.
I would agree, this probably isn't the best career choice for me, because I expect parents who work 30 hours a week, to not leave their kids in daycare for 60 hours. I love my job, and I love my daycare kids, and my daycare kids love coming to me. So yes, I get annoyed at my daycare parents, and yes, I expect my daycare kids to do things for themselves that I know they are capable of doing, but I'm not sure how that translates to me not being a good fit for a dcp, except for the fact that I need to communicate better with my daycare parents. And I will admit that I may be guilty of that, but mostly because I'm not sure how much is my place to say something.
But if I was choosing a daycare provider, I guess I would choose the one who my DD loved, and took excellent care of her, but was annoyed with some of my parenting choices. Than the DCP who didn't give a shit about my parenting choices, and was simply clocking in and clocking out to simply get a paycheck. But that's just me.
OP you are killing me! This is none of your business. What the family does while their children are in your shouldn't matter unless it is affecting your ability to care for the children. Also, if you are keeping their children too many hours per week that is just as much your fault as theirs. You have allowed it.
In my previous travel agent career I expected clients to have a reasonable budget based on their travel wishes but guess what? It did not always happen. Yes I could be annoyed by it but I chose to educate these people on this. You are complaining about something that you have control over and have chosen to do nothing about. I admit it's an uncomfortable situation but you had to know this was a possibility when you opened your in home daycare. I really think you need to reconstruct how you get paid. Most daycare providers charge a flat rate.
Ok, now I'm confused. I thought things had gotten pretty cleared up. OP shed some more light on the situation and it DOES appear to be a problem with one of the families she is working for. And I can understand her frustration with them. She has agreed with some of the things PPs have pointed out and suggested, and realizes she should be communicating some things with the families. it looked like this thread was starting to head in a positive direction
Now everyone's freaking out on her all over again. I don't think she's an awful DCP who should find a different job. (although that may have been my initial reaction). Now that she's explained her situation more, I can understand her need to vent about this family (even if she may have chosen the wrong audience for that). We all vent about work and people we work with, so lets give her a break and stop telling her she should find a different job.
OP, take the constructive advice/criticism you've looked at and start to address some of the issues you've been having. I hope things improve for you, I really do! From what I can tell, you do truly care about and love the kids you care for.
OP, please tell me you are not in GA. Just because you have a wait list and you do not let children die in the car does not make you a good DCP. Your attitude is despicable. I read the whole thread, and I get that people complain about their jobs sometimes, but you have some really misplaced views about what your role is as a DCP.
You should provide the best care you can for the children while they are in your care. It is not your job to judge what parents do with their time while the children are in your care if it is within the hours you have set. Not your job to judge food choices or developmental issues. If you are legitimately concerned about it, talk to the parent. A good DCP would talk to them with a genuine concern for the child and a desire for their well-being. It does seem like you care about the children, and that's great, but it sounds like you need to reassess the business side of it and the way you deal with the parents.
OP, I have been following this entire thread. You are so fucking beyond sanctimonious, it's ridiculous. Climb down from that high horse before you get yourself a fuckin nosebleed up there. And quit being such a passive aggressive punk. If someone takes advantage of you, nip it in the bud. Immediately. Don't come here and whine about it. And ditto to everything mbenit said.
I know personally that sometimes being home and having my LO in daycare is the only way I can catch up on getting anything done as far as keeping up on the house is concerned.
Ok, now I'm confused. I thought things had gotten pretty cleared up. OP shed some more light on the situation and it DOES appear to be a problem with one of the families she is working for. And I can understand her frustration with them. She has agreed with some of the things PPs have pointed out and suggested, and realizes she should be communicating some things with the families. it looked like this thread was starting to head in a positive direction
Now everyone's freaking out on her all over again. I don't think she's an awful DCP who should find a different job. (although that may have been my initial reaction). Now that she's explained her situation more, I can understand her need to vent about this family (even if she may have chosen the wrong audience for that). We all vent about work and people we work with, so lets give her a break and stop telling her she should find a different job.
OP, take the constructive advice/criticism you've looked at and start to address some of the issues you've been having. I hope things improve for you, I really do! From what I can tell, you do truly care about and love the kids you care for.
I agree. I thought a lot of things had been clarified by OP, and it sounds like she genuinely cares about the kids she keeps and is trying to take some of the advice she's been given. I think some people are just trying to keep the drama going.
Okay, so here is my whole thing. I work with college students. On an annoying day, I could totally see writing a post that would be like, "Things I wish I could say to college students" and it would go something like
-Do not talk to me like I am your pal, emails should be written formally
-You need to chill out about this 1 credit class, things will be fine, there are bigger things in life.
-Your inability to complete work on time is not my problem
and such. The equivalent situation would have everyone jumping on the thread and being like, "I hope you aren't my college kid's teacher", "gee, you must hate your job", etc. I actually love my students and love my job and think I do a good job every day.
When someone writes something titled, "Things I Wish I could Say to My Daycare Parents", it is clear that the poster is talking about, well, her specific daycare parents and venting about annoyances.
The way everyone took it personally is mind boggling to me.
I hate to break it to you all, but your daycare provider probably thinks a lot of things about you and your family behind your back, I am 100% sure mine does and it doesn't bother me at all.
Wow. That's too bad. I certainly hope my sitter isn't that petty.
You really don't think that a person who sees your child/children almost every single day doesn't have a single opinion on how you are doing things?
Wow OP you definitely hit a nerve here. And to the other negative posters - she clearly posted here knowing her audience and wanted to give working moms a perspective on what a DCP goes through day to day. Maybe having some insight would make you think about details concerning your DCP and making their lives easier. Sounds like a lot of negative posters are reacting that way because they have a guilty conscience of leaving their kids in daycare and probably doing some of these things. I get it. Being a working parent isn't easy but raising a human being whether it's yours or someone else's is one huge task that is a little bit more important than working at an office. For those of you saying she needs to separate work and business from how she feels about these kids shame on you. I'm sure you would love to have a DCP that treats your child like a family member and not a cash opportunity. Her treatment of children will have a life long impact. Years before 5 last the rest of your lives.
OP you deserve credit. I don't get today's society. People have kids and only raise them themselves part time and entrust in someone like you to do the brunt of the work of raising a decent human being. Not at the fault of parents but today living life requires a double income. It's a tough situation. For that reason, I decided before I had my son that I would be a SAHM and I also get no break from one child so I feel you on having a bunch with you all day. I get where you're coming from with the parents hanging out on the couch and that being super annoying.
If I could offer any advice, it would be to a start charging for early drop offs and late pickups. Take care of yourself that way and then parents will also start to respect that part of your business. You work a long week from 6:30 - 6:00. Those parents would be lucky to find those hours elsewhere. Keep up the good work.
Wow OP you definitely hit a nerve here. And to the other negative posters - she clearly posted here knowing her audience and wanted to give working moms a perspective on what a DCP goes through day to day. Maybe having some insight would make you think about details concerning your DCP and making their lives easier. Sounds like a lot of negative posters are reacting that way because they have a guilty conscience of leaving their kids in daycare and probably doing some of these things. I get it. Being a working parent isn't easy but raising a human being whether it's yours or someone else's is one huge task that is a little bit more important than working at an office. For those of you saying she needs to separate work and business from how she feels about these kids shame on you. I'm sure you would love to have a DCP that treats your child like a family member and not a cash opportunity. Her treatment of children will have a life long impact. Years before 5 last the rest of your lives.
OP you deserve credit. I don't get today's society. People have kids and only raise them themselves part time and entrust in someone like you to do the brunt of the work of raising a decent human being. Not at the fault of parents but today living life requires a double income. It's a tough situation. For that reason, I decided before I had my son that I would be a SAHM and I also get no break from one child so I feel you on having a bunch with you all day. I get where you're coming from with the parents hanging out on the couch and that being super annoying.
If I could offer any advice, it would be to a start charging for early drop offs and late pickups. Take care of yourself that way and then parents will also start to respect that part of your business. You work a long week from 6:30 - 6:00. Those parents would be lucky to find those hours elsewhere. Keep up the good work.
First of all, I am a SAHM and I agree with the posters that the OP is ridiculous and needs to get off her high horse. No I do not have a guilty conscience being I do not even put my kids in daycare, so that statement does not make sense.
She does need to separate work and people's personal lives. What someone does with their child outside of her care has 0 to do with her. So if she doesn't like how they feed them or raise them that is just too bad.
"People have kids and only raise them
themselves part time and entrust in someone like you to do the brunt of
the work of raising a decent human being. Not at the fault of parents
but today living life requires a double income. It's a tough situation." ____Ok so first you are saying they want her to do the brunt of the work to raise a decent human being, then you say it is not their fault? I don't think anyone WANTS a DCP to do the brunt of the work in raising their children. That doesn't make any sense. They are supporting their families with two incomes and obviously, someone has to be with the kids since they are supporting their kids by working and yes have no choice but to put them in daycare, but what other option is there? You certainly can't leave them at home. So your two statements contradict themselves. Smh
Wow OP you definitely hit a nerve here. And to the other negative posters - she clearly posted here knowing her audience and wanted to give working moms a perspective on what a DCP goes through day to day. Maybe having some insight would make you think about details concerning your DCP and making their lives easier. Sounds like a lot of negative posters are reacting that way because they have a guilty conscience of leaving their kids in daycare and probably doing some of these things. I get it. Being a working parent isn't easy but raising a human being whether it's yours or someone else's is one huge task that is a little bit more important than working at an office. For those of you saying she needs to separate work and business from how she feels about these kids shame on you. I'm sure you would love to have a DCP that treats your child like a family member and not a cash opportunity. Her treatment of children will have a life long impact. Years before 5 last the rest of your lives.
OP you deserve credit. I don't get today's society. People have kids and only raise them themselves part time and entrust in someone like you to do the brunt of the work of raising a decent human being. Not at the fault of parents but today living life requires a double income. It's a tough situation. For that reason, I decided before I had my son that I would be a SAHM and I also get no break from one child so I feel you on having a bunch with you all day. I get where you're coming from with the parents hanging out on the couch and that being super annoying.
If I could offer any advice, it would be to a start charging for early drop offs and late pickups. Take care of yourself that way and then parents will also start to respect that part of your business. You work a long week from 6:30 - 6:00. Those parents would be lucky to find those hours elsewhere. Keep up the good work.
Way to make working moms and dads feel empowered. I am not even going to get into the other shit.
No kidding. Not to mention that it's absolutely false.
Wow OP you definitely hit a nerve here. And to the other negative posters - she clearly posted here knowing her audience and wanted to give working moms a perspective on what a DCP goes through day to day. Maybe having some insight would make you think about details concerning your DCP and making their lives easier. Sounds like a lot of negative posters are reacting that way because they have a guilty conscience of leaving their kids in daycare and probably doing some of these things. I get it. Being a working parent isn't easy but raising a human being whether it's yours or someone else's is one huge task that is a little bit more important than working at an office. For those of you saying she needs to separate work and business from how she feels about these kids shame on you. I'm sure you would love to have a DCP that treats your child like a family member and not a cash opportunity. Her treatment of children will have a life long impact. Years before 5 last the rest of your lives.
OP you deserve credit. I don't get today's society. People have kids and only raise them themselves part time and entrust in someone like you to do the brunt of the work of raising a decent human being. Not at the fault of parents but today living life requires a double income. It's a tough situation. For that reason, I decided before I had my son that I would be a SAHM and I also get no break from one child so I feel you on having a bunch with you all day. I get where you're coming from with the parents hanging out on the couch and that being super annoying.
If I could offer any advice, it would be to a start charging for early drop offs and late pickups. Take care of yourself that way and then parents will also start to respect that part of your business. You work a long week from 6:30 - 6:00. Those parents would be lucky to find those hours elsewhere. Keep up the good work.
Could you be any more of a judgmental cow?? Raising a child is important. So is an individual's career. Someone has got to pay the bills and put food on the table. How do you think they're going to accomplish that?? Is that not important? Who the fuck are you to judge working parents?
As for the second sentence, business is business. She can treat the children well and still not let herself get taken advantage of. Not that I'd expect you to understand that. Quit talking out your ass.
I've read the whole thread and PP's have said everything I wanted to say better than I could say it. I just wanted to add that regardless of the issues you have with the job in general or this family in particular that I would be profoundly upset if I was a parent in the family that you've been giving more back story on. God forbid she (or he) is a member of this site and they or close friends/family logged in and recognized their personal life all splashed out here for random internet people to pick over. I would be furious. No matter what, you just don't know what goes on in their home and I find the whole thing in bad taste. I don't use a DCP yet, but you can bet if I did and they had some kind of issue with me, I would expect them to come to me with it, not put my life out there on the internet and expect others to applaud them for it. SMH.
I'm a little disgusted by the sheer number of negative responses this post has received. Daycare providers can't have opionions on how shitty parents can be? They're not allowed to express them? And yes, some parents can absolutely be shitty. The truth must be too hard for some people to read or hear about. And if you're not guilty of any of her statements, why such a strong reaction to them? Before anyone gets their undies in a bunch, I'm not saying you can't have your opinions about this post - or any other post. But I am saying the vehement reactions are shocking. If you think she's the only one that has opinions on bad parents and that there is no way your DCP has these same opinions about anyone or about you, you're kidding yourself. The only thing I probably don't agree with is posting this on such a public forum, given the line of work you are doing. But this is the age of social media.
And yes, I've been following this whole thread. Yes, I know some of you are sahm. And frankly I think that despite the amount of critisicm she has receivced, she is handling herself remarkably well.
The first time my DS provider told me something about my child's behavior when I picked him up after work, she immediately turned read and covered her mouth like she shouldn't have said anything. The other provider was uncomfortable too. She had said he can sometimes be whiny. Given his age was like 18 months at the time, given that I've seen that behavior in him, who am I to disagree? I told them that , told them I wanted to know things good and bad. They told me many parents don't want to hear the reality. And that's what I think happened here.
wbrauns, I think it sounds like you are doing a wonderful job. Keep up the good work.
I'm not going to chime in about the content of the OP or anything else of real content in this thread. What I will say is that the utter nastiness some of you spewed in there is enough to convince me I will never again use this forum for advice about jack diddly squat, just in case you disagree with anything I ever say. You can disagree with someone without name calling and swearing at her. You're PARENTS. Would you want your kids settling disagreements that way? Disgusting.
"Being a working parent isn't easy but
raising a human being whether it's yours or someone else's is one huge
task that is a little bit more important than working at an office." My only response to this is wTF is wrong with you? Many men, and women, NEED to work to support their children. Being a SAHP isn't an option. DC is essential for them to pay their utilities, feed their families, and keep a roof over their heads. Get off your high horse.
Ok, now I'm confused. I thought things had gotten pretty cleared up. OP shed some more light on the situation and it DOES appear to be a problem with one of the families she is working for. And I can understand her frustration with them. She has agreed with some of the things PPs have pointed out and suggested, and realizes she should be communicating some things with the families. it looked like this thread was starting to head in a positive direction
Now everyone's freaking out on her all over again. I don't think she's an awful DCP who should find a different job. (although that may have been my initial reaction). Now that she's explained her situation more, I can understand her need to vent about this family (even if she may have chosen the wrong audience for that). We all vent about work and people we work with, so lets give her a break and stop telling her she should find a different job.
OP, take the constructive advice/criticism you've looked at and start to address some of the issues you've been having. I hope things improve for you, I really do! From what I can tell, you do truly care about and love the kids you care for.
I completely agree! I love my job and am good at it but man is it draining (elementary school music teacher) and I vent quite a bit about my job. Does that mean I should get a different job? Come on ladies. At the end of the day, this is her job. We ALL vent about our jobs from time to time. Why are daycare providers or teachers always expected to be constantly smiling and never complain about their jobs? It doesn't mean they don't like their job or aren't cut out for that line of work. It means their jobs are hard work and they are tired.
The only thing I don't agree with on OP is the zipping coats thing. I don't see that as a big deal. You can talk to the parents about it but at the end of the day it is a parenting issue and their parenting choice on when they want to teach their children these skills. My DD (age 2) can zip up her own coat. Many times I do it for her just because it's faster. Sometimes she yells "NO. I do it." and I let her. I just recently taught her to put her own coat on and it is actually faster when she does it herself than when I do it.
I remember when I was in kindergarten the teacher I had refused to zip up anyone's coats or tie shoes or help with buttons. A lot of the parents were PISSED.
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Wow OP you definitely hit a nerve here. And to the other negative posters - she clearly posted here knowing her audience and wanted to give working moms a perspective on what a DCP goes through day to day. Maybe having some insight would make you think about details concerning your DCP and making their lives easier. Sounds like a lot of negative posters are reacting that way because they have a guilty conscience of leaving their kids in daycare and probably doing some of these things. I get it. Being a working parent isn't easy but raising a human being whether it's yours or someone else's is one huge task that is a little bit more important than working at an office. For those of you saying she needs to separate work and business from how she feels about these kids shame on you. I'm sure you would love to have a DCP that treats your child like a family member and not a cash opportunity. Her treatment of children will have a life long impact. Years before 5 last the rest of your lives.
OP you deserve credit. I don't get today's society. People have kids and only raise them themselves part time and entrust in someone like you to do the brunt of the work of raising a decent human being. Not at the fault of parents but today living life requires a double income. It's a tough situation. For that reason, I decided before I had my son that I would be a SAHM and I also get no break from one child so I feel you on having a bunch with you all day. I get where you're coming from with the parents hanging out on the couch and that being super annoying.
If I could offer any advice, it would be to a start charging for early drop offs and late pickups. Take care of yourself that way and then parents will also start to respect that part of your business. You work a long week from 6:30 - 6:00. Those parents would be lucky to find those hours elsewhere. Keep up the good work.
You are a nasty nasty person. OP's post had nothing to do with SAHM vs. WM but you just had to turn it into that didn't you. How fortunate you are that you were able to make the CHOICE to SAHM. You have NO IDEA how hard it is being a working mother because you aren't one. I work all day (with children nonetheless) and then race home to get my daughter, play with her as much as I can, feed her a nutritious meal, bathe her, read to her, put her to bed. And then after she's in bed do I get alone time? No WAY! I tidy up the house, prep and cook dinner for the next day (I actually do feed my family a nutritious meal EVERY SINGLE NIGHT), pack my lunch, pack her lunch and her bag, maybe throw some laundry in the wash, etc. I do all of the same things you do but with less time and energy.
Oh and you say you get no break. Your child naps right? Must be nice to be able to do laundry, cook, clean while your child naps rather than at 8:30-9:00PM at night like I do.
And I'm sorry, being with your own child is WAY different than being with other people's kids. I'm a teacher so I get summers and I can tell you that being home with just my daughter is much easier than being with a classroom of other people's children which is essentially with OP does in her home.
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Crazy posts. Just want to say that I as a working mother who used an in-home day care provider for YEARS, finds absolutely nothing wrong with what she is saying. She is venting. Big deal. I also don't think she is telling people not to have their own time, but yes it is weird to have a parent not even be able to be on time when they have been home half the day.
Many parents do NOT teach their kids to be independent, feed their kids crap all day, and don't respect the people who are watching their kids. Sounds like this is the case with some of the families she is watching. AND when parents do things like that, it makes it harder to watch those kids- those things are a parents' job- to raise their children. It is not the daycare providers job- they are your partners in crime to help children get there, not surrogate parents.
Crazy posts. Just want to say that I as a working mother who used an in-home day care provider for YEARS, finds absolutely nothing wrong with what she is saying. She is venting. Big deal. I also don't think she is telling people not to have their own time, but yes it is weird to have a parent not even be able to be on time when they have been home half the day.
Many parents do NOT teach their kids to be independent, feed their kids crap all day, and don't respect the people who are watching their kids. Sounds like this is the case with some of the families she is watching. AND when parents do things like that, it makes it harder to watch those kids- those things are a parents' job- to raise their children. It is not the daycare providers job- they are your partners in crime to help children get there, not surrogate parents.
Big deal. Let her vent.
This was not the issue. She was saying that she doesn't want them leaving the kids in day care at all if they get off work early.
This is definitely NOT what I said. I even clarified, many times.
Re: Things I wish I could say to my daycare parents
I think a lot of this could've been avoided if her original post was more clear. She was talking about all of her kids' parents. We found out later she's really only talking about 1? saying that they get off of work early and don't pick up their kid SOUNDED like she was saying a few hours every once in a while. not every freakin day 6 hours early. that's not really "getting off of work early" that's having a work schedule that ends at noon if it's really multiple times a week.
The tone with "little Johnny" this and "little Johnny" that sounded like she was resenting the kids a little too. Like for not zipping up their coats like all the other good kids.
I totally agree that if a parent is getting off of work at noon every day and waiting until 6pm to pick up their kids, that they SHOULD be spending most of that time with their kids. And if that's what's happening on a regular basis that really sucks for the kids.
FWIW I'm a SAHM so no I wasn't offended b/c I'm "guilty". The tone is what rubbed me the wrong way. Parents put a lot of thought and worry into choosing the right daycare provider. It sounded to me like she was really harboring resentment towards the parents that could then be redirected at the kids (like the feeding and zipping up coats thing).
This isn't just coats, I just that as an example. This particular kid is behind in ALOT of things because he's not made to do anything for himself. When he came to me he couldn't even get food onto his fork/spoon. I'm saying in ALL areas, if your kid is able to do something for themself, encourage them to do that, within means.
Obviously my 22 month old can walk by herself, does that mean I make her walk everywhere? Of course not, I carry her a lot. I put her shoes on her sometimes when I'm in a hurry, I do a lot of stuff for her that I know she can do, but a MAJORITY of the time, I encourage her to do stuff for herself, because that is what will help her the most in the long run, and I expect the same from my daycare kiddos.
I work with kids too and some of my students are 6 and cannot tie their shoes. It seems that the particular culture from where they are from is okay with this kind of behavior, so it could be a cultural thing too.
Anyways, you should stand your ground when people take advantage of you. Charge for the early/ late hours and maybe tip the parents on what they could do to make their children more independent.
I think your post would have come off better if it was worded asking for advice rather than complaining about your families.
She has agreed with some of the things PPs have pointed out and suggested, and realizes she should be communicating some things with the families. it looked like this thread was starting to head in a positive direction
Now everyone's freaking out on her all over again. I don't think she's an awful DCP who should find a different job. (although that may have been my initial reaction). Now that she's explained her situation more, I can understand her need to vent about this family (even if she may have chosen the wrong audience for that). We all vent about work and people we work with, so lets give her a break and stop telling her she should find a different job.
OP, take the constructive advice/criticism you've looked at and start to address some of the issues you've been having. I hope things improve for you, I really do! From what I can tell, you do truly care about and love the kids you care for.
OP, please tell me you are not in GA. Just because you have a wait list and you do not let children die in the car does not make you a good DCP. Your attitude is despicable. I read the whole thread, and I get that people complain about their jobs sometimes, but you have some really misplaced views about what your role is as a DCP.
You should provide the best care you can for the children while they are in your care. It is not your job to judge what parents do with their time while the children are in your care if it is within the hours you have set. Not your job to judge food choices or developmental issues. If you are legitimately concerned about it, talk to the parent. A good DCP would talk to them with a genuine concern for the child and a desire for their well-being. It does seem like you care about the children, and that's great, but it sounds like you need to reassess the business side of it and the way you deal with the parents.
OP you deserve credit. I don't get today's society. People have kids and only raise them themselves part time and entrust in someone like you to do the brunt of the work of raising a decent human being. Not at the fault of parents but today living life requires a double income. It's a tough situation. For that reason, I decided before I had my son that I would be a SAHM and I also get no break from one child so I feel you on having a bunch with you all day. I get where you're coming from with the parents hanging out on the couch and that being super annoying.
If I could offer any advice, it would be to a start charging for early drop offs and late pickups. Take care of yourself that way and then parents will also start to respect that part of your business. You work a long week from 6:30 - 6:00. Those parents would be lucky to find those hours elsewhere. Keep up the good work.
She does need to separate work and people's personal lives. What someone does with their child outside of her care has 0 to do with her. So if she doesn't like how they feed them or raise them that is just too bad.
"People have kids and only raise them themselves part time and entrust in someone like you to do the brunt of the work of raising a decent human being. Not at the fault of parents but today living life requires a double income. It's a tough situation."
____Ok so first you are saying they want her to do the brunt of the work to raise a decent human being, then you say it is not their fault? I don't think anyone WANTS a DCP to do the brunt of the work in raising their children. That doesn't make any sense. They are supporting their families with two incomes and obviously, someone has to be with the kids since they are supporting their kids by working and yes have no choice but to put them in daycare, but what other option is there? You certainly can't leave them at home. So your two statements contradict themselves. Smh
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I'm a little disgusted by the sheer number of negative responses this post has received. Daycare providers can't have opionions on how shitty parents can be? They're not allowed to express them? And yes, some parents can absolutely be shitty. The truth must be too hard for some people to read or hear about. And if you're not guilty of any of her statements, why such a strong reaction to them? Before anyone gets their undies in a bunch, I'm not saying you can't have your opinions about this post - or any other post. But I am saying the vehement reactions are shocking. If you think she's the only one that has opinions on bad parents and that there is no way your DCP has these same opinions about anyone or about you, you're kidding yourself. The only thing I probably don't agree with is posting this on such a public forum, given the line of work you are doing. But this is the age of social media.
And yes, I've been following this whole thread. Yes, I know some of you are sahm. And frankly I think that despite the amount of critisicm she has receivced, she is handling herself remarkably well.
The first time my DS provider told me something about my child's behavior when I picked him up after work, she immediately turned read and covered her mouth like she shouldn't have said anything. The other provider was uncomfortable too. She had said he can sometimes be whiny. Given his age was like 18 months at the time, given that I've seen that behavior in him, who am I to disagree? I told them that , told them I wanted to know things good and bad. They told me many parents don't want to hear the reality. And that's what I think happened here.
wbrauns, I think it sounds like you are doing a wonderful job. Keep up the good work.
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I completely agree! I love my job and am good at it but man is it draining (elementary school music teacher) and I vent quite a bit about my job. Does that mean I should get a different job? Come on ladies. At the end of the day, this is her job. We ALL vent about our jobs from time to time. Why are daycare providers or teachers always expected to be constantly smiling and never complain about their jobs? It doesn't mean they don't like their job or aren't cut out for that line of work. It means their jobs are hard work and they are tired.
The only thing I don't agree with on OP is the zipping coats thing. I don't see that as a big deal. You can talk to the parents about it but at the end of the day it is a parenting issue and their parenting choice on when they want to teach their children these skills. My DD (age 2) can zip up her own coat. Many times I do it for her just because it's faster. Sometimes she yells "NO. I do it." and I let her. I just recently taught her to put her own coat on and it is actually faster when she does it herself than when I do it.
I remember when I was in kindergarten the teacher I had refused to zip up anyone's coats or tie shoes or help with buttons. A lot of the parents were PISSED.
You are a nasty nasty person. OP's post had nothing to do with SAHM vs. WM but you just had to turn it into that didn't you. How fortunate you are that you were able to make the CHOICE to SAHM. You have NO IDEA how hard it is being a working mother because you aren't one. I work all day (with children nonetheless) and then race home to get my daughter, play with her as much as I can, feed her a nutritious meal, bathe her, read to her, put her to bed. And then after she's in bed do I get alone time? No WAY! I tidy up the house, prep and cook dinner for the next day (I actually do feed my family a nutritious meal EVERY SINGLE NIGHT), pack my lunch, pack her lunch and her bag, maybe throw some laundry in the wash, etc. I do all of the same things you do but with less time and energy.
Oh and you say you get no break. Your child naps right? Must be nice to be able to do laundry, cook, clean while your child naps rather than at 8:30-9:00PM at night like I do.
And I'm sorry, being with your own child is WAY different than being with other people's kids. I'm a teacher so I get summers and I can tell you that being home with just my daughter is much easier than being with a classroom of other people's children which is essentially with OP does in her home.
Crazy posts. Just want to say that I as a working mother who used an in-home day care provider for YEARS, finds absolutely nothing wrong with what she is saying. She is venting. Big deal. I also don't think she is telling people not to have their own time, but yes it is weird to have a parent not even be able to be on time when they have been home half the day.
Many parents do NOT teach their kids to be independent, feed their kids crap all day, and don't respect the people who are watching their kids. Sounds like this is the case with some of the families she is watching. AND when parents do things like that, it makes it harder to watch those kids- those things are a parents' job- to raise their children. It is not the daycare providers job- they are your partners in crime to help children get there, not surrogate parents.
Big deal. Let her vent.