Things I wish I could say to my daycare parents

wbrauns

I'm an in-home daycare provider. My mother was an in-home daycare provider for my entire childhood, and I was a nanny for many years prior to doing in home. I have six kids at my house, two, three-year-olds, and four, five-year-olds. I love my job. I do field trips twice a week, to museums, inflatable bounce houses, imaginariums, splash pads, pools, nature centers, parks, etc etc.. and crafts, and coloring, and letters, and songs and I have a large fenced in back yard with many toys, and there are no electronics on inside my house between the hours of 8-5, and I am fortunate enough to be home with my daughter everyday. 

But growing up in a daycare, and being a nanny, are totally different than owning, and running your own. And these are the rants I wish I could tell my parents…

1. My hours are 6:30 AM - 6:00 PM, that means I am open for 11.5 hours a day. That means you shouldn't pull up at 6:22 to drop your kids off, nor should you pick them up at 6:15, unless it has previously been arranged. My mornings are spent prepping for the day, getting breakfast in the oven, picking up whatever got left out last night, and just preparing myself for the day, when you show up, even 8 minutes early, you cut into "my time". And likewise for showing up late, your kid has been here for 11.5 hours, pick them up on time. I have my own family and kid to tend to after yours are gone. 

2. If you get off work at noon, and live four houses down from me, it's going to upset me if you still don't pick up your kid until 6:00 on the dot. Your kids want to spend time with you too, and if I can have 1 or 2 less kids at my house, it's easier on everyone. I understand you want your "alone time" as well, but getting off at noon, multiple times a week, and still leaving your kid at my house until 6:00, is unacceptable. Especially when I drive by to get kids from school and can see you laying on your couch watching TV.

3. Please don't feed your kids Pop Tots and Oreo's for dinner. I know you don't get home till late, and it's hard cooking dinner every night after working all day, but when your kids are used to eating junk food every night at your house, its a fight everyday to get them to eat healthy at mine. I don't like cooking a big healthy meal everyday, and putting it down in front of little Johnny, only to hear him say, "I don't like this." Every.Single.Day. You're doing your kid a huge disservice, please feed them some real food. 

4. For the love of God. Please make your kids do things for themselves, if they are age appropriate. I don't want to help Little Johnny put his coat on, and zip it  up, if he is perfectly capable of doing it himself. Even my 20 month old daughter is expected to put her coat on herself. Believe it or not, it can be quite an ordeal getting five youngsters ready and out the door on time, it makes it that much harder if they are constantly wanting my help with something, that they are perfectly capable of doing alone. "But my Mom does it for me!" Yes little Johnny, and that is why the three girls, who are sitting nicely by the front door all ready to go, and are all two years younger than you, are able to get themselves ready to go, by themselves, in the amount of time that you are able to put one shoe on. I have no problem helping a child that needs help, but doing everything for your kid, is not teaching them anything, except how to depend on others.

5. If you tell your kids you are going to pick them up from school, or early, or do anything different that what was already planned, make sure you do it. I can't count how many parents I have had tell me they are going to pick their kids up from school, and then they never show up! What would have happened if I hadn't seen Little Johnny get off the bus and no one there to get him? What would have happened if Little Johnny had been left at the school all alone? And at the very least, if you can't make it on time, have the courtesy to let me know, so that I am not calling you, wondering if you got in a car accident, only to have you show up 10 minutes later, saying that you are sorry, but you just, "lost track of time", only to have your daughter tell me the next day that you were late to pick up Little Johnny because you and her were home watching TV.

MommyAtty

I'm with you with most of this, but not with the "if you get off early, then so do I" part. If a parent is paying you for those hours, they have a right to expect day care for those hours. And whether they lay on the couch because they are tired, run errands, wait for the plumber to show up, or dance naked to blow off steam really isn't your concern. I occasionally take a half-day off. When I can spend extra time with my kid, that's great. But more often than not, I'm doing crap I can't do when I'm with DD, which is pretty much every minute I'm not at work. Sometimes it's just taking 30 minutes to sit quietly so I don't feel like I'm about to die from never being off the treadmill.

wbrauns

Oh I understand that, I do. I mean I never get a break from my daughter, so I would relish in the opportunity for alone time. But, their kids are at my house for almost 60 hours a week, it's not so much for my benefit, as it is for their kids. They are dropped off promptly at 6:30, (if not earlier) and not picked up until 6:00 at night. As a provider, it gets frustrating when parents don't spend time with their kids, when you know they are getting off work early. And if they are off at noon, that means they spend six hours at home, that's plenty of alone time, especially multiple times a week. 

Their kids will only be young once. 

jess9802

My kid is not even in daycare and this rubbed me the wrong way.

wbrauns

Nicb13 said:

ClaryPax said:

It sounds like you have a problem with one particular parent (s).  I hope the other ones have their kids in care less hours, and feed their kid better food.  Mine still says he doesn't like things even though I try with the healthy stuff.  I agree with them doing things themselves like the Montessori approach.  I had been late getting DS to learn how to pull up his pants, but just didn't realize that I was on the late side for that (2.5).  I will have DD doing it earlier hopefully before 2. 

I hope you are being sarcastic because you REALLY shouldn't listen to OP as far as timelines for when kids should or shouldn't be doing things on their own.

Lol! I'm pretty sure I didn't give an age did I? I said your kids should be doing things by themselves, IF they are age appropriate. 

This is supposed to be mildly entertaining, let's not get your panties in a bunch.

wbrauns

jess9802 said:

My kid is not even in daycare and this rubbed me the wrong way.

It seems many people are of the belief that daycare providers are supposed be pooping rainbows all day? I'm sorry, but daycare is HARD. And that is why there is so much controversary around it, and why you hear so many horror stories. I try really hard to provide a positive, fun, learning environment for the kids, but also teach them to do things for themselves, and for the most part it's a very thankless job, at least, it is in my area. This post is just a general vent. 

wbrauns

Nicb13 said:

Wow. This is almost shocking. I think this is an awful lot of bitching and I sure hope my sitter who watches DS in her home doesn't complain this much because if so, I'd think she needs a break from this type of work.

I would never, ever hire you to watch my child. This is appalling.  

 

 

That must be why I have a year long waiting list. Appalling is right!

wbrauns

Asking parents to, respect my hours, spend a little extra time with their kids if they are given the chance, so their kids don't spend 60 hours a week with me, feed them food other than junk for dinner, and communicate with me if they tell me one thing, and then do another, is appalling? I would hate to be your daycare provider.

wbrauns

Nicb13 said:

 

wbrauns said:

Asking parents to, respect my hours, spend a little extra time with their kids if they are given the chance, so their kids don't spend 60 hours a week with me, feed them food other than junk for dinner, and communicate with me if they tell me one thing, and then do another, is appalling? I would hate to be your daycare provider.

It's funny how defensive you are after you didn't get all the responses you probably hoped to get. I don't really care how long your wait list is, or how many things you do with these kids while they are in your care. You perform a service, that you sound really bitter about and no matter what you say, this thread just makes you look terrible.

So, if you work with kids, it's not OK to ever vent about the job, but in ANY other profession that's alright? Please, I see people on here complaining about their work all the time. That doesn't mean you shouldn't do it, or you're not good at it. It simply means that its HARD. It's hard to watch other people's kids, and feel that you are looking out for their well being, more so than their parents are. 

jnnfrrose6

Why in the world did OP think this was the right forum to vent her frustrations about parents of the kids she watches?

wbrauns

jfresh said:

This also rubbed me the wrong way. Being frustrated with early drop offs and late pick ups are understandable. So communicate with the parents! Start a rule where they get charged if they drop off early or pick up late. It will work. Expecting 20 month olds to put their own coats on every time is ridiculous, and 4 year olds are still working on zippers. Not even my mom's pre-k kids can get their jackets zipped each time. Your parents are paying you to watch their kids until 6. Maybe they needed to work from home. Maybe they felt sick. Maybe they did need a little alone time, it's not a crime. Yes your job has it's good and bad, just like any other job. I don't go bad mouthing my clients publicly and it is a good business practice not to do so.

I'm sorry but I don't think it's ridiculous at all. We have her coat hanging on a hanger that she is able to reach, and everyday when we are ready to go we say, "DD go put your coat on, it's time to go" and she does it. I am NOT saying every 20 month old can do that, I am saying, that there ARE tasks that are age appropriate, and expecting a five year old, with no mental or developmental delays, is certainly not expecting too much, and the zippers are also something they can work on.

 I have kids who will ask me everyday to zip their coat, before they have tried to zip it themselves, and I will say to them, "I am zipping little Johnny's coat right now, you need to work on yours until I am able to get to you." And 9 times out of 10, they have it done by the time I get to them. Usually it is a case of the, "I don't want to do this myself because at home my Mom does it for me." Rather than a case of, "I am not physically able to do this yet"

I guess I believe in teaching kids from a young age, how to be independent. It's too bad so many parents these days want to coddle their children, and then wonder why we live in a society that gets upset if their kid doesnt get participation trophy

LimaD

I'm sure being a daycare provider is a very stressful job, especially when you are being active with field trips and trying to keep things interesting and fun for the kids. So I get that you are wanting to vent frustrations

But part of being a daycare provider means you're taking care of someone ELSE's kids. which means you aren't the parent. so, what they eat at home, what they're taught to do at home, etc really isn't any of your business (unless it is harmful). And as far as kids saying they get to eat whatever they want at home, I wouldn't be surprised if that's a child who is just saying what he thinks will get you to do what he wants. It might not be true at all

I agree with a PP about the fact that parents are paying for a certain time slot, so if they get off work early it's not shocking that they wouldn't necessarily pick up their children early. Would it bother/annoy you if they would pay less for days that they picked up their child early? Then you'd probably be annoyed about that.

Bottom line: the tone in this post really did bother me, as it did others. If you truly have a problem with any of the parents, talk to them about it

wbrauns

jfresh said:

@wbrauns know your audience. You came onto a board made up of many daycare moms and started bitching about them.

I don't get upset if I see people on here bitching about their daycare providers, generally because the stuff they are bitching about, is true! There are plenty of sitters who sit their kids in front of a Tv all day, or send the kids home dirty, or just, in general, bad providers. That doesn't upset me, because I know I am not one of them. Parents not respecting my hours, or telling me they are going to pick up their kids from school and then not doing it, or leaving their kid at a daycare provider for 60 hours a week, when they only work 30, shouldn't offend you either, unless you are doing those things too. Sorry you ladies don't want to hear, that every daycare providers life isn't sunshine and rainbows.

wbrauns

theresat858 said:

If you're with them 60 hours a day and capable of teaching them yourself, given that you probably spend more time putting their coats on than their parents do, why not just do that? 
FFS. I do expect my daycare provider to teach my daughter things as part of her care.  If you're not willing to teach kids how to put on a jacket and instead get pissed at the parents because their kid can't work a zipper (hell, at 32 I have trouble with zippers sometimes), you are in the wrong field.
Send your kid to daycare and find an office job. You might enjoy not having to deal with children.

I don't get pissed at the parents because their kid can't work a zipper, I get upset when I KNOW the kid CAN work a zipper, and Mom comes in and zips up the kid herself.

wbrauns

LimaD said:

I'm sure being a daycare provider is a very stressful job, especially when you are being active with field trips and trying to keep things interesting and fun for the kids. So I get that you are wanting to vent frustrations

But part of being a daycare provider means you're taking care of someone ELSE's kids. which means you aren't the parent. so, what they eat at home, what they're taught to do at home, etc really isn't any of your business (unless it is harmful). And as far as kids saying they get to eat whatever they want at home, I wouldn't be surprised if that's a child who is just saying what he thinks will get you to do what he wants. It might not be true at all

I agree with a PP about the fact that parents are paying for a certain time slot, so if they get off work early it's not shocking that they wouldn't necessarily pick up their children early. Would it bother/annoy you if they would pay less for days that they picked up their child early? Then you'd probably be annoyed about that.

Bottom line: the tone in this post really did bother me, as it did others. If you truly have a problem with any of the parents, talk to them about it

That's kind of why this post is entitled, "Things I WISH I could say." meaning, I know I can't say anything to these parents, because each parent is entitled to raise a child however they want. But if you are at a playground, and a child is misbehaving, and Mom sits by and doesn't do a thing to stop it, that doesnt mean you won't be annoyed right? I have the right to be annoyed, even if there isn't anything I can do about it.

wbrauns

Nicb13 said:

wbrauns said:

jfresh said:

This also rubbed me the wrong way. Being frustrated with early drop offs and late pick ups are understandable. So communicate with the parents! Start a rule where they get charged if they drop off early or pick up late. It will work. Expecting 20 month olds to put their own coats on every time is ridiculous, and 4 year olds are still working on zippers. Not even my mom's pre-k kids can get their jackets zipped each time. Your parents are paying you to watch their kids until 6. Maybe they needed to work from home. Maybe they felt sick. Maybe they did need a little alone time, it's not a crime. Yes your job has it's good and bad, just like any other job. I don't go bad mouthing my clients publicly and it is a good business practice not to do so.

I'm sorry but I don't think it's ridiculous at all. We have her coat hanging on a hanger that she is able to reach, and everyday when we are ready to go we say, "DD go put your coat on, it's time to go" and she does it. I am NOT saying every 20 month old can do that, I am saying, that there ARE tasks that are age appropriate, and expecting a five year old, with no mental or developmental delays, is certainly not expecting too much, and the zippers are also something they can work on.

 I have kids who will ask me everyday to zip their coat, before they have tried to zip it themselves, and I will say to them, "I am zipping little Johnny's coat right now, you need to work on yours until I am able to get to you." And 9 times out of 10, they have it done by the time I get to them. Usually it is a case of the, "I don't want to do this myself because at home my Mom does it for me." Rather than a case of, "I am not physically able to do this yet"

I guess I believe in teaching kids from a young age, how to be independent. It's too bad so many parents these days want to coddle their children, and then wonder why we live in a society that gets upset if their kid doesnt get participation trophy

Sounds like you just don't like that some people approach parenting differently than you. Maybe give the parents weekly updates and tell them things their kids could use help with or you what you are working on with them. I love feedback from my sitter and we are able to talk openly and honestly about issues or problems with DS. But she does it in a respectful  way. I don't know how you talk to these parents because I only see this post and well, you know how I feel about it.

This is a good idea! Thank you.

wbrauns

theresat858 said:

LimaD said:

I'm sure being a daycare provider is a very stressful job, especially when you are being active with field trips and trying to keep things interesting and fun for the kids. So I get that you are wanting to vent frustrations

But part of being a daycare provider means you're taking care of someone ELSE's kids. which means you aren't the parent. so, what they eat at home, what they're taught to do at home, etc really isn't any of your business (unless it is harmful). And as far as kids saying they get to eat whatever they want at home, I wouldn't be surprised if that's a child who is just saying what he thinks will get you to do what he wants. It might not be true at all

I agree with a PP about the fact that parents are paying for a certain time slot, so if they get off work early it's not shocking that they wouldn't necessarily pick up their children early. Would it bother/annoy you if they would pay less for days that they picked up their child early? Then you'd probably be annoyed about that.

Bottom line: the tone in this post really did bother me, as it did others. If you truly have a problem with any of the parents, talk to them about it

You're missing the point. She wants to get paid for watching kids 60 hours a week but only do it for 30 hours a week.

Geeze, it's too bad people are here focusing on the money and not not on the kids. I have other families still at my house, even if this family was picked up early, meaning, I would still be working. But, I would assume, that most would agree, that kids would benefit more spending more time with their parents, and less with the sitter, but I guess that may not be the popular opinion here?

wbrauns

This post was posted at 2:15, which is nap time, and I was off early today because of a Doctor appointment. But thanks for pointing that out

ashiscute

theresat858 said:

LimaD said:

I'm sure being a daycare provider is a very stressful job, especially when you are being active with field trips and trying to keep things interesting and fun for the kids. So I get that you are wanting to vent frustrations

But part of being a daycare provider means you're taking care of someone ELSE's kids. which means you aren't the parent. so, what they eat at home, what they're taught to do at home, etc really isn't any of your business (unless it is harmful). And as far as kids saying they get to eat whatever they want at home, I wouldn't be surprised if that's a child who is just saying what he thinks will get you to do what he wants. It might not be true at all

I agree with a PP about the fact that parents are paying for a certain time slot, so if they get off work early it's not shocking that they wouldn't necessarily pick up their children early. Would it bother/annoy you if they would pay less for days that they picked up their child early? Then you'd probably be annoyed about that.

Bottom line: the tone in this post really did bother me, as it did others. If you truly have a problem with any of the parents, talk to them about it

You're missing the point. She wants to get paid for watching kids 60 hours a week but only do it for 30 hours a week.

I think she'd be willing to work 40.  

wbrauns

ashiscute said:

theresat858 said:

LimaD said:

I'm sure being a daycare provider is a very stressful job, especially when you are being active with field trips and trying to keep things interesting and fun for the kids. So I get that you are wanting to vent frustrations

But part of being a daycare provider means you're taking care of someone ELSE's kids. which means you aren't the parent. so, what they eat at home, what they're taught to do at home, etc really isn't any of your business (unless it is harmful). And as far as kids saying they get to eat whatever they want at home, I wouldn't be surprised if that's a child who is just saying what he thinks will get you to do what he wants. It might not be true at all

I agree with a PP about the fact that parents are paying for a certain time slot, so if they get off work early it's not shocking that they wouldn't necessarily pick up their children early. Would it bother/annoy you if they would pay less for days that they picked up their child early? Then you'd probably be annoyed about that.

Bottom line: the tone in this post really did bother me, as it did others. If you truly have a problem with any of the parents, talk to them about it

You're missing the point. She wants to get paid for watching kids 60 hours a week but only do it for 30 hours a week.

I think she'd be willing to work 40.  

It's no wonder daycare providers are so under appreciated. 

ashiscute

I'm a SAHM so I can't be offended on behalf of the moms who put their kids in daycare.  That said, you come off like you think are better than everyone else and most parents do not want to hear that.  No parent wants to hear "I can't do my job properly because you aren't as good of a parent as me."

Why it would bother you that a parent would put their 5 yo's coat on and zip it is beyond me.  Maybe they like the extra closeness with their LO?  Who cares?  You help them when they are with you and let them do whatever when they are home.  Same with food.  My kids say "I don't like that" to me sometimes at breakfast or lunch.  Kids can be picky.  

As far as thinking you shouldn't have to work when you are being paid for it that's crazy.  If you are being paid wtf do you care what I'm doing with my time?  That seems very judgmental of you.  

No matter your profession you should be able to vent about work.  But your post would be more appropriately titled "Why I'm a better mommy than my daycare parents".

wbrauns

ashiscute said:

I'm a SAHM so I can't be offended on behalf of the moms who put their kids in daycare.  That said, you come off like you think are better than everyone else and most parents do not want to hear that.  No parent wants to hear "I can't do my job properly because you aren't as good of a parent as me."

Why it would bother you that a parent would put their 5 yo's coat on and zip it is beyond me.  Maybe they like the extra closeness with their LO?  Who cares?  You help them when they are with you and let them do whatever when they are home.  Same with food.  My kids say "I don't like that" to me sometimes at breakfast or lunch.  Kids can be picky.  

As far as thinking you shouldn't have to work when you are being paid for it that's crazy.  If you are being paid wtf do you care what I'm doing with my time?  That seems very judgmental of you.  

No matter your profession you should be able to vent about work.  But your post would be more appropriately titled "Why I'm a better mommy than my daycare parents".

I don't know where any of you got the idea that I am being paid if the child is not here? Parents pay me at the end of the week, depending on how many hours their kids were at my house. When did I say anything differently?

DawnLilly

Nope. 80% on your side @wbrauns‌

You are venting. Vent on. DS goes to daycare 2 days a week. My daycare provider is my husband's cousin's wife. Most of the kids in daycare are neighbors or related. All my half sister in law does is bitch about how "Miss M" charged her a dollar for every minute she was late last week (in the guidelines) and SIL is late A LOT this was the first time she was charged. She didn't get her 3 kids until 6:45 and was supposed to be there at 6:15 which is 15 minutes later than anyone else. There has already been special considerations made.

A different mom has, twice, brought her daughter over sick and then was "unreachable" for the rest of the day once "Miss M" found out. All the rest of the kids ended up with Neuro virus within 4 days even though they tried to keep her separated.

Every job gets frustrating and you were just looking to get it off your chest a moment. I may not agree with 100% of what you said but you were just upset. Remember to think of all the (or the few) really good parents and kids you do help.

wbrauns

DawnLilly said:

Nope. 80% on your side @wbrauns‌ You are venting. Vent on. DS goes to daycare 2 days a week. My daycare provider is my husband's cousin's wife. Most of the kids in daycare are neighbors or related. All my half sister in law does is bitch about how "Miss M" charged her a dollar for every minute she was late last week (in the guidelines) and SIL is late A LOT this was the first time she was charged. She didn't get her 3 kids until 6:45 and was supposed to be there at 6:15 which is 15 minutes later than anyone else. There has already been special considerations made. A different mom has, twice, brought her daughter over sick and then was "unreachable" for the rest of the day once "Miss M" found out. All the rest of the kids ended up with Neuro virus within 4 days even though they tried to keep her separated. Every job gets frustrating and you were just looking to get it off your chest a moment. I may not agree with 100% of what you said but you were just upset. Remember to think of all the (or the few) really good parents and kids you do help.

Thank you! Venting. Exactly, is what I was doing.

jnnfrrose6

wbrauns said:

DawnLilly said:

Nope. 80% on your side @wbrauns‌ You are venting. Vent on. DS goes to daycare 2 days a week. My daycare provider is my husband's cousin's wife. Most of the kids in daycare are neighbors or related. All my half sister in law does is bitch about how "Miss M" charged her a dollar for every minute she was late last week (in the guidelines) and SIL is late A LOT this was the first time she was charged. She didn't get her 3 kids until 6:45 and was supposed to be there at 6:15 which is 15 minutes later than anyone else. There has already been special considerations made. A different mom has, twice, brought her daughter over sick and then was "unreachable" for the rest of the day once "Miss M" found out. All the rest of the kids ended up with Neuro virus within 4 days even though they tried to keep her separated. Every job gets frustrating and you were just looking to get it off your chest a moment. I may not agree with 100% of what you said but you were just upset. Remember to think of all the (or the few) really good parents and kids you do help.

Thank you! Venting. Exactly, is what I was doing.

Again, why do you think this is the correct forum to vent about the parents of the kids you watch? This is a board for parents of toddlers, not their caregivers. I get that you have a 20 month old, but know your audience.

wbrauns

Nicb13 said:

wbrauns said:

I think she'd be willing to work 40.  

It's no wonder daycare providers are so under appreciated. 

I really want to know if you can see why we are all so offended by this post? Do you even see how insulting to parents in general this is? 

 I mean shit, I give in to my picky eater and let him have a PB&J, and sometimes I do too much for him and help him when he can clearly do it on his own and sometimes I want to leave work and go take a nap or watch fucking TV without DS there but that doesn't make me less of a parent. You are complaining about normal kid behavior and kind of making fun of them at the same time.

Maybe I should give a bit more background info on the getting picked up early bit, 

For this particular family, they had a dog that needed to be let out during the day because it wasn't old enough yet to stay in a kennel all day. My husband used to work 2nd shift, so he would be home around noon. I volunteered to go let their dog out once a day to go potty, as they only live a few doors down. MULTIPLE times when I went to let their dog out, the Dad would be home, begging out on the sofa. I would walk into their house, and then stand their kind of awkward, and just be like, "Oh, Ok, your home, well I will just let myself out.."

One time, on Halloween, I asked the parents if they could pick their kids up at 5:30 instead of 6:00 so I could take my DD out, everyone said that wouldn't be an issue. I ran over to let this families dog out before I picked up kids from school, so around 3:00, and I had two daycare kids with me, one being the little girl who lived at this house. We all walked inside and little Susie sees her Dad laying on the sofa. Once again, they hadn't told me Dad would be off early, and I got there to let dogs out, and he was already home. Little Susie was excited to see Daddy and runs over to give him a hug, I say to little Susie, "ok little susie, we have to go get kids from school," but little susie doesnt want to go to school, she wants to stay with Daddy. So I have to pry, crying little Susie off of Daddy and take her back with me, when all she wants to do, is stay with Daddy. 

Pair that, with the fact that I still didn't get off till 6:15 that night when their Dad made his way down to my house, and DD missed out on trick or treating. 

When scenarios like this happen, it gets frustrating, very frustrating. I'm not trying to say I'm a better parent, and I do apologize if it came off this way, but it IS frustrating to watch these kids, and fall in love with these kids, and have them crying because all they want is Mommy or Daddy, and you know Mommy or Daddy is right down the road. It's hard. 

wbrauns

LalaMama81 said:

And I don't know any 2 year old that can put in their coats let alone zip them.

My DD cannot zip her coat, but she most certainly can put it on.

wbrauns

jnnfrrose6 said:

wbrauns said:

DawnLilly said:

Nope. 80% on your side @wbrauns‌ You are venting. Vent on. DS goes to daycare 2 days a week. My daycare provider is my husband's cousin's wife. Most of the kids in daycare are neighbors or related. All my half sister in law does is bitch about how "Miss M" charged her a dollar for every minute she was late last week (in the guidelines) and SIL is late A LOT this was the first time she was charged. She didn't get her 3 kids until 6:45 and was supposed to be there at 6:15 which is 15 minutes later than anyone else. There has already been special considerations made. A different mom has, twice, brought her daughter over sick and then was "unreachable" for the rest of the day once "Miss M" found out. All the rest of the kids ended up with Neuro virus within 4 days even though they tried to keep her separated. Every job gets frustrating and you were just looking to get it off your chest a moment. I may not agree with 100% of what you said but you were just upset. Remember to think of all the (or the few) really good parents and kids you do help.

Thank you! Venting. Exactly, is what I was doing.

Again, why do you think this is the correct forum to vent about the parents of the kids you watch? This is a board for parents of toddlers, not their caregivers. I get that you have a 20 month old, but know your audience.

Oh I'm sorry, I'll go post this over on the caregivers page...

wbrauns

LalaMama81 said:

It sounds like that particular family takes advantage of you and you do not stand up for yourself. I would drop them as clients.

I've talked to both parents a few times, but I do love their kiddos. 

wbrauns

LalaMama81 said:

LalaMama81 said:

It sounds like that particular family takes advantage of you and you do not stand up for yourself. I would drop them as clients.

I've talked to both parents a few times, but I do love their kiddos. 

But you aren't treating this like a job, then. If it's not working, it's not working. At some point you have to take responsibility and deal with it.

You are probably right on that. This is also a family who had to leave their last daycare provider because they didn't respect her hours. I also really love their kids, and my DD and their DD are close in age and love to play together. Sigh, just not a very fun spot to be in.

wbrauns

Nicb13 said:

LalaMama81 said:

LalaMama81 said:

It sounds like that particular family takes advantage of you and you do not stand up for yourself. I would drop them as clients.

I've talked to both parents a few times, but I do love their kiddos. 

But you aren't treating this like a job, then. If it's not working, it's not working. At some point you have to take responsibility and deal with it.

Agreed. Perhaps the parents know you won't actually boot them as clients.

I have only had to boot one other family, and thats because their son was violent, and no matter of talks with the parents were helping. It sucks, and I hated having to do it, but in this scenario, it may need to happen again.

wbrauns

theresat858 said:

Yeah, it sucks that the dad would rather send his LO back with you than play with her, but you're still getting paid to watch the child. And it's shitty that he didn't pick her up by 5:30 after saying he would.
...and it sucks that you didn't realize you could take your LO trick or treating after everyone on your street might actually be home for the day to accept trick or treaters at, say, 6:30pm.  Pretty sure on my street if you tried to trick or treat at 5:30, no one would answer their door because they were all still at work.

Here it is 5-7, and I didn't feel comfortable taking her out alone, in the dark. DH works and we don't have family close by.

emberlee3

theresat858 said:

If you're with them 60 hours a day and capable of teaching them yourself, given that you probably spend more time putting their coats on than their parents do, why not just do that? 
FFS. I do expect my daycare provider to teach my daughter things as part of her care.  If you're not willing to teach kids how to put on a jacket and instead get pissed at the parents because their kid can't work a zipper (hell, at 32 I have trouble with zippers sometimes), you are in the wrong field.
Send your kid to daycare and find an office job. You might enjoy not having to deal with children.

Ha, this!  DS learned to flip his jacket on within a month of starting his current school (at age 2).  DD learned at 18 months from watching DS do it.  I never taught either of my kids to put on their jackets.

emberlee3

wbrauns said:

Nicb13 said:

 

wbrauns said:

Asking parents to, respect my hours, spend a little extra time with their kids if they are given the chance, so their kids don't spend 60 hours a week with me, feed them food other than junk for dinner, and communicate with me if they tell me one thing, and then do another, is appalling? I would hate to be your daycare provider.

It's funny how defensive you are after you didn't get all the responses you probably hoped to get. I don't really care how long your wait list is, or how many things you do with these kids while they are in your care. You perform a service, that you sound really bitter about and no matter what you say, this thread just makes you look terrible.

So, if you work with kids, it's not OK to ever vent about the job, but in ANY other profession that's alright? Please, I see people on here complaining about their work all the time. That doesn't mean you shouldn't do it, or you're not good at it. It simply means that its HARD. It's hard to watch other people's kids, and feel that you are looking out for their well being, more so than their parents are. 

No, it's definitely not all right in ANY other profession.  I am a physician.  If I came on a public forum to vent about work, I'd be venting about patients, nurses, other physicians, hospitals, etc.  It would be very unprofessional.

twinkletoes3126

I also watch children in my home. While I do understand some of your frustrations, they aren't your children. If you are worried about parents being early or late, you should charge them for it. Also try to remember that while you have complaints about them, they probably have some about you too. There really are much worse parents than ones who feed their kids pop tarts and put their childrens coats on for them.

AimeeL85

If these kids are with you 40-60 hours a week, I would sure think you do meal-time and coat-time and whatever else time, enough with them that you have just as much, if not more, of an opportunity to teach them those things than their parents do.

hopefulmom81

I am a working mom who uses an inhome daycare and I had ZERO problem with the OP.

1.  I bet a lot of people try to take advantage of the hours either intentionally or unintentionally because with an in home daycare, you form a family-like bond and don't treat the owner like a "business owner", so I can see how some of the rules would be hard to enforce, but you deserve your time too.

2.  This is the only one that kind of rubbed me the wrong way, however, I don't think OP was referring to moms who take a day for themselves once in a while.  She means someone with a flexible work schedule CONSTANTLY picking up LO at 6:00 on the dot.  OP's hours are WAY longer than most daycares, so I understand this one.   Our daycare is only open until 5, so 6 is generous and to always wait until the last minute if you are off early constantly is kind of weird, right?

3.  If I were a daycare provider, I would secretly TOTALLY judge what parents are feeding their children.  She isn't saying it to the families, this is something she WISHES she could say.  It is like when I see a parent FF their carseat too early, I would never say anything but I think how it should be RF.

4.  I totally get what OP was saying here.  I have a nephew who gets everything done for him...he is FOUR YEARS OLD.  She is just saying to form some sort of independence and allow LO to try to do things before you jump in and do it for them.  She phrased it to benefit herself, but this is what the post was about.

5.  I totally get it.

Being an in home daycare provider would be hard, and I don't think OP was trying to offend any of us working moms.  I don't see anything wrong with what she said. 

wbrauns

hopefulmom81 said:

I am a working mom who uses an inhome daycare and I had ZERO problem with the OP.

1.  I bet a lot of people try to take advantage of the hours either intentionally or unintentionally because with an in home daycare, you form a family-like bond and don't treat the owner like a "business owner", so I can see how some of the rules would be hard to enforce, but you deserve your time too.

2.  This is the only one that kind of rubbed me the wrong way, however, I don't think OP was referring to moms who take a day for themselves once in a while.  She means someone with a flexible work schedule CONSTANTLY picking up LO at 6:00 on the dot.  OP's hours are WAY longer than most daycares, so I understand this one.   Our daycare is only open until 5, so 6 is generous and to always wait until the last minute if you are off early constantly is kind of weird, right?

3.  If I were a daycare provider, I would secretly TOTALLY judge what parents are feeding their children.  She isn't saying it to the families, this is something she WISHES she could say.  It is like when I see a parent FF their carseat too early, I would never say anything but I think how it should be RF.

4.  I totally get what OP was saying here.  I have a nephew who gets everything done for him...he is FOUR YEARS OLD.  She is just saying to form some sort of independence and allow LO to try to do things before you jump in and do it for them.  She phrased it to benefit herself, but this is what the post was about.

5.  I totally get it.

Being an in home daycare provider would be hard, and I don't think OP was trying to offend any of us working moms.  I don't see anything wrong with what she said. 

Wahoo! Thank you! As for number 2, yes, it is referring to the parents who have a very flexible work schedule and still have their kids from opening to closing every day. It just irks me that they don't spend more time with their own kids, and it's something I don't understand. 

and number 4, yes! I have four five-year-olds, and one of them came to me and had trouble feeding himself at four years old, and no, he has NO developmental or sensory delays, his Mom simply fed him herself. She would scoop up the food for him and put it on his spoon, and he would eat it. This carried over into putting his coat on for him, putting his shoes on, I mean, everything! The kid couldn't do anything for himself. And for all the posters saying that the kids are at my house long enough everyday and I should be teaching them these things myself, I am, but that doesn't negate the fact that they are being treated like toddlers at home, when they shouldn't be. But again, this isn't something I would say to the parents, kind of the part about FF, its something I'm certainly wishing I could tell them, but it's not my place to do so, hence, my venting here.

wbrauns

theresat858 said:

hopefulmom81 said:

3.  If I were a daycare provider, I would secretly TOTALLY judge what parents are feeding their children.  She isn't saying it to the families, this is something she WISHES she could say.  It is like when I see a parent FF their carseat too early, I would never say anything but I think how it should be RF.

So you are comparing parents who feed their kids a bit of junk food to those who put their lives at risk every day by FF too early? Why *wouldn't* you say something to a parent putting their child in danger? They may just not know the new recommendations.

I'm not referring to a "bit of junk food" I'm referring to kids who have free range to the pantry every single night. I've been at this families house in the evenings. The kids pull whatever they want out of the pantry or fridge, hand it to Mom or Dad to open for them, and eat it, all night long. I've seen the kids eat Ice cream pops, fruit snacks, oreos, gold fish, and whatever else they wanted, in place of a  dinner. I'm sorry, but when I'm caring for these kids all day, and its a constant battle to get them to eat any sort of normal meal item, it is frustrating as hell to see their parents feed them whatever they want, just because it's easy. Parenting isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be worth it. 

ASmallWonder

I'm ALL about you expecting parents to respect you as a BUSINESS - i.e. respecting your hours, rules and policies.  You should kindly stuff your opinions on people's parenting choices.  How dare you judge parents who dare to take a few hours to themselves.  You may never get a break from your daughter but that's not other people's problem.  The fact is, you run a daycare by choice.  If you don't like it, do something else but don't you dare think you have a right to decide what people are doing during the hours they are paying you.

ASmallWonder

wbrauns said:

LimaD said:

I'm sure being a daycare provider is a very stressful job, especially when you are being active with field trips and trying to keep things interesting and fun for the kids. So I get that you are wanting to vent frustrations

But part of being a daycare provider means you're taking care of someone ELSE's kids. which means you aren't the parent. so, what they eat at home, what they're taught to do at home, etc really isn't any of your business (unless it is harmful). And as far as kids saying they get to eat whatever they want at home, I wouldn't be surprised if that's a child who is just saying what he thinks will get you to do what he wants. It might not be true at all

I agree with a PP about the fact that parents are paying for a certain time slot, so if they get off work early it's not shocking that they wouldn't necessarily pick up their children early. Would it bother/annoy you if they would pay less for days that they picked up their child early? Then you'd probably be annoyed about that.

Bottom line: the tone in this post really did bother me, as it did others. If you truly have a problem with any of the parents, talk to them about it

That's kind of why this post is entitled, "Things I WISH I could say." meaning, I know I can't say anything to these parents, because each parent is entitled to raise a child however they want. But if you are at a playground, and a child is misbehaving, and Mom sits by and doesn't do a thing to stop it, that doesnt mean you won't be annoyed right? I have the right to be annoyed, even if there isn't anything I can do about it.

Know what?  There are things that, if you are even WISHING you could say them, makes you shitty.  Keeping your mouth shut on those things only gives you the advantage of people not knowing how shitty you are.