Would this even work?

Texasgurly0313 · March 2014

I live in Hawaii currently, and the rest of my family and friends are back in Texas.

My mom has already started bringing up wanting to do a shower for me. I'm trying to save up as much leave as I can for when baby gets here. I can't really afford to take off work for a week to go back for any baby showers, and she understands that. Also, flights are super expensive back to the mainland (even this far in advance), and I would have to start planning out the leave now, if I was to go home. Moneywise, and job wise, we just can't afford it.

My mom has brought up the idea of possibly doing some kind of virtual baby shower with DH and myself. The idea would be for us to all get together at a specified time, and video chat with my mom and the shower guests back in Texas, just to give people a chance to see me and chat at the same time. No games or anything, just visiting with people, especially since most of them haven't seen me since before I moved to Hawaii last July (I'm Active Duty Air Force, and we got assigned here). If I had any gifts at the house, I could open them then as well.

I know it is super early for me to be even thinking about this, but my mom really wants to do some kind of shower for me. It wouldn't be happening for another three (more than likely four) months or so anyway, she's just trying to get into the planning stages now since we have to coordinate with my work schedule and the time difference (we are 5 hours behind Texas here), and this is really unfamiliar territory for her.

If anyone else has any other ideas of something that could work for a long-distance shower, let me know and I can pass them along to her.

KatFCo · March 2014

I think it might feel really awkward to watch people open your presents and be all, "Oh, how nice, I can't wait to see it for myself."

Your mom organizing party at her house where you can get on Skype and see people sounds like fun, but I might leave off any mention of calling it a shower. Keep in mind, also, that shipping from TX to HI is going to be really expensive.

FemShep · March 2014

Long-distance showers are generally frowned upon. They come across as very gift-grabby, as if someone is saying, "Hey! I can't be bothered to come see you, but buy me stuff!" And while you have great reasons for not being able to come home for a shower, it doesn't change the impression that such an event would be all about gifts.

The logistics are often awkward. Even 30 minute Skype calls can be a pain-can you imagine a 1-2 hour long party where random people walk by the screen and open gifts, or everyone squeezing around a computer screen while you open gifts? Ugh. As a guest, I think it would be awful.

In addition, you'd need to think of the logistics. Shipping the gifts would likely be quite expensive. People will acknowledge and celebrate your pregnancy. They don't need a shower invite to do so. Thank your mom for her offer, but decline. Perhaps she could save the money she would be spending to come see you after LO is born. Good luck!

VOR · March 2014

FemShep said:

Long-distance showers are generally frowned upon. They come across as very gift-grabby, as if someone is saying, "Hey! I can't be bothered to come see you, but buy me stuff!" And while you have great reasons for not being able to come home for a shower, it doesn't change the impression that such an event would be all about gifts.

The logistics are often awkward. Even 30 minute Skype calls can be a pain-can you imagine a 1-2 hour long party where random people walk by the screen and open gifts, or everyone squeezing around a computer screen while you open gifts? Ugh. As a guest, I think it would be awful.

In addition, you'd need to think of the logistics. Shipping the gifts would likely be quite expensive. People will acknowledge and celebrate your pregnancy. They don't need a shower invite to do so. Thank your mom for her offer, but decline. Perhaps she could save the money she would be spending to come see you after LO is born. Good luck!

All of this. I am not a fan of skype showers at all. If people want to give you a gift, they will. This "event" to get everyone together and you can't even be there? It's just weird.

Ceridwen21 · March 2014

I would wait and let your mom host a "meet the baby" party on your first trip home.

VOR · March 2014

Ceridwen21 said:

I would wait and let your mom host a "meet the baby" party on your first trip home.

This is perfect.

Helenahhandbasket · March 2014

If it were me, I wouldn't. It just seems way awkward, so I would decline the offer-- sorry!

Texasgurly0313 · March 2014

@Ceridwen21‌ we are going to be making a trip home a few months after he/she is born for the baptism (we want DH's grandfather to do it). I'll have built up some more leave by then.

That week or so we are home would be a good time to have a meet the baby party.

Thanks y'all. I had a few reservations about it because of the time difference and everything. It is gonna make her sad, but If I tell her she can do a meet the baby party when we come home, and hopefully that will help. I think she'll be more excited about showing off the baby.

I did still register, but it's completely up to people if the want to get us stuff. If someone asks for the information, we will let them know where we are registered and leave it at that.

VOR · March 2014

Texasgurly0313 said:

It is gonna make her sad, but If I tell her she can do a meet the baby party when we come home, and hopefully that will help. I think she'll be more excited about showing off the baby.

Just pump this up! Tell her that while you wish logistics worked out for a shower, it's going to be a lot more fun when the baby is actually here and everyone can meet the BABY!!!!! Squeeeee!!!!

SikiricaCastle · March 2014

I am sad so see so many pessimistic opinions about virtual showers. I wonder if not many people are as unfortunate as some of us to be so far from family. My husband and I live half the country away from our family and end up skyping quiet often with family. It is the best way to keep in touch, and when you skype you don't feel like you are quiet so far away. I was recently reading that a virtual shower is not so much about presents but are about sharing your pregnancy with the people you love that are so far away. Honestly, shouldn't any shower not be about presents but about being with the people you love. I am looking at doing a virtual shower as well. Unfortunately it is the only option we have to share our joys of expecting with our family. If you want to share this wonderful time with your family I say go for it and enjoy yourself.

Also pinterest has some suggestions!

EleanorKr · March 2014

Skyping with a group for any party is awkward in my opinion.

I live in South Africa, my family lives in the Netherlands. Every time they have a celebration they ask me to come on skype and I sometimes do for a few minutes, but to be the floating head on a laptop screen that can only look at what someone is pointing you towards, it's unnatural and uncomfortable.

You can't look around the room, you can't really be part of the conversation. For me being part of any celebration over skype has not worked.

kimberpoo · March 2014

Usually I agree with PP's, but sometimes virtual showers work. if your mom just wanted to have ladies over who she has over all the time anyway (a few close aunts/cousins) who are going to send gifts anyway, it might make sense for her to do. My boss's daughter just had a Skype-type shower with just some close family and he was saying how nice it was.

I think if you have any reservations about it, or your mom isn't sure about it, I agree with 2 of PP's opinions above: 1) go ahead and have a little Skype party to see your family. just don't have it be a shower...maybe do it after your anatomy scan so you can tell everyone the gender at the same time or show off your bump. no gifts.

2) your mom could host a meet-the-baby party when you make the trip back home. that would be fun, special, and you would have a LO to show everyone

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