DH came home from work last night and we got on the topic of cheating spouses. Because I watch trash like scandal and betrayal haha. As we were talking I stated that I don't think that cheating is a reason to end your marriage. Now hear me out. I would not cheat, never had, blah blah. But I have seen one night stands rip marriages apart.
I think that having a one night stand is not something that should break up a marriage/family. I don't know that if I found out my husband went away and cheated with a stranger one time I would feel as though it was worth giving up everything we built. (Clearly he would have to be remorseful and it be a one time occurrence, not like he has one night stands weekly). If he was emotionally involved with another person and developing a relationship with them I would be much more upset and I don't know if I could move on from that.
He simply said that if he found out I cheated he would walk out of the house and never look back. No matter what the situation. Oh, he may have also said he would have me killed haha. He can be dramatic.
So now this morning we joked that I can never cheat but he knows he gets a free pass... Lol
Am I alone in how I feel? Is a cheating spouse definite cause for divorce. Does it depend on the situation.
Don't flame my opinion. I just am curious as to others thoughts.
Re: This should be an interesting Sunday morning conversation..
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Check out my blog ----> http://minismama.com/
So no, it's not a deal breaker for me. And I'm glad I changed my mind and opened my eyes to the other side, or I wouldn't be married now. And I honestly have a fantastic marriage now.
I also said "My dh would NEVER EVER EVER cheat. He's not that type of guy. It just wouldn't happen..." ... yeah, well. All women and wives say that, no one ever expects that to happen. That's why I said it was a deal breaker for me. I never expected that to happen.
Shit happens. And sometimes when shit happens, it actually works out to be much better in the end
ETA: I might be able to forgive, but I imagine the trust issues and fear that it could happen again would be the hardest to overcome.
I have a friend that her DH has
cheated on her multiple times. Both
one night stands (even with high end prostitutes) and full out relationships. He cheated while she was pregnant and while she was dealing with major health issues. She stays bc he provides her with a nice life and she says she doesn't want her kids to be from a broken home. This breaks my heart for her and her kids. She has a teenage daughter and it is giving her such a jacked up view of marriage. Sometimes it's better to be from a broken home than a home like that.
I'm really not sure if it would be a deal breaker for me. I see what we have and what our children have with two loving parents that work as a team, and it's hard to imagine tearing it all apart (no matter who is responsible). All of our lives would derail to a completely different path and I wouldn't want that. Of course, if cheating occurs, then we are probably not in the same place anyway, marriage wise.
I know I could never trust him again. I'm pretty sure that, if we stayed together, I would feel I have the right to do the same thing at least once. DH and I have dealt with trust issues before and come out together (nothing to do with women, or men). This is so big though.
C 7.16.2008 | L 11.12.2010 | A 3.18.2013
I think it's pretty harsh to call someone who forgives a cheating spouse, even once, a doormat. That seems like victim blaming to me.
I have a hard time believing that just the idea of cheating has never crossed you or your husbands minds. You've NEVER imagined what it would be like to kiss someone else? I have no plan on ever acting on it but of course the fleeting thought has crossed my mind.
I get nervous for people who are so convinced their spouse would never cheat. I have an awesome husband. I don't worry about him cheating and I totally trust him, but it's foolish to say I KNOW it will never happen.
Check out my blog ----> http://minismama.com/
I'm also team feel-like-it-would-be-a-dealbreaker-but-it's-never-happened-to-me-so-I-don't-know-for-sure. I have lots of admiration for those spouses that can forgive and I do believe that anything is possible with a lot of work and if the cheating spouse has a real change of heart. I'm sure it's a long painful journey, though. Then again, it also takes strength to realize that you're in a toxic situation and be able to make the drastic life change that's ultimately best for your family. I don't think there's a one-size-fits-all answer.
But there is a couple I know (older than us...youngest is in HS). They have what I would consider a very strong marriage. We look up to this couple individually and as role models of a good relationship. Anyway, once upon a time I learned there is infidelity in their past.
Before that I would have a been and "it's a deal breaker" person. But now, knowing and seeing how this amazing couple has worked through things, makes me a little more able to see the other side.