weight..

Bluebird2318 · December 2013

amyjeanaz1 said:

sayysayy13 said:
dear god! holy shit, god forbid i ask a question im a FTM who waent sure about weight gain. dont need to make me feel like shit... its fucking weight i was just wondering how other people were doing with this because i felt fat..
This is exactly why I never ask questions. You never know what nerve you might hit. I personally only use my phone to sometimes look on here.. So I've never seen any weight posts either. Sucks people feel the need to be snarky with eachother.. Especially when your just looking for some reassurance. That's what we're all here for right? To support one another?

The problem is that passing judgment on someone's weight is a bad thing no matter what we say. We could say "no, 18 pounds up isn't fat" and that's all well and good until BumpLady99 thinks "well I'm 30 pounds up..." If you start setting any sort of standard people will start to make comparisons and it just won't end well for one person or another.

When I was a freshman in college I was starving myself to the point where I would be out of breath and dizzy from climbing a staircase. I was 5'5" and 113 pounds. I wasn't fat, but no amount of telling me that helped. My mind was already made up. I realize that not every pregnant woman concerned about weight gain has an eating disorder but trying to solve body image issues of any kind with weight comparisons is a bad idea. That's where the problems start, not end. If your weight gain were truly an issue, your OB or MW would tell you. Compressing every difference we have into a single number won't help anyone in a healthy way.

figgs0831 · December 2013

21 lbs in 22.5 weeks

bootsiebabe · December 2013

Discussing weight brings out a whole host of issues that have nothing to do with whether or not your are having a healthy pregnancy. We can't compare pounds to pounds because some of us started underweight, at a "normal" weight, or overweight. Some of us are shorter than 5'0 and some of us are taller than 6'0. Some of us will gain a lot to start and then taper off, while some of us will not gain to start and catch up in the end. There's no "one size fits all" when it comes to discussing weight.

alysemci · December 2013

I agree comparisons are dangerous. I've never had an eating disorder, but I've never looked in the mirror and thought "damn that's perfection", I haven't even really gained much weight, but with the huge changes in my body I find myself stressed out with how I look. When there's comparisons, I think that's what I should strive for. I can't imagine the difficulty for someone who has had an ED or any kind of body image issue

Serenla · December 2013

@Bluebird2318 ((((hugs))))

Bluebird2318 · December 2013

bootsiebabe said:
Discussing weight brings out a whole host of issues that have nothing to do with whether or not your are having a healthy pregnancy. We can't compare pounds to pounds because some of us started underweight, at a "normal" weight, or overweight. Some of us are shorter than 5'0 and some of us are taller than 6'0. Some of us will gain a lot to start and then taper off, while some of us will not gain to start and catch up in the end. There's no "one size fits all" when it comes to discussing weight.

Truth. There isn't even a one size fits all for a single person, and it defies logic. When I was pregnant with my daughter I hated eating. I worried that I wasn't getting enough. Now, pregnant with my son, I eat like a fiend. And yet I have only gained 1/3 of the weight I had gained with DD at the same point in pregnancy. My OB expressed no serious concerns then, and she doesn't express any now.

Alycia Hause · December 2013

I agree no reason to tear her apart ladies, not everyone reads the boards religiously everyday. A polite comment of please search would be better than mocking and being childish. If you don't want people to feel bad about their weight you shouldn't want them to feel bad for mistakenly posting something either.

KatieKim0815 · December 2013

I'm on the boards every day and honestly the posts that interest me stand out and I skim over most and I couldn't tell you what the ones I skip are. I know I have seen weight posts but I have seen tons of repetitive posts. Many of you are FTMs so there are going to be repetitive concerns!!

To the OP:

With DS1 I gained 70 (and lost ten after)

with DS2 I gained about 20 ish

With DD1 (this pregnancy) I lost about 35 lbs first tri and gained back about 6 or 7 roughly.

Each pregnancy is different.

amhah09 · December 2013

Guys, guys, guys.

sayysayy13 said:
i know there have been plent of discussions regarding weight gain but im just to lazy to go looking..

She knew what she was doing when she posted!! This is not a case of the threads being overlooked or she was unaware of them and has a repetitive concern. She admittedly knows there are PLENTY of weight gain discussions and she admittedly was too LAZY to look for them. Enough with the white horse responses.

KatieGummow · December 2013

People responding they have gained less than you and are further along isn't going to help you feel less fat. Instead you can acknowledge and appreciate all the comments that say, "don't worry about it, you're doing your job and look great doing it."

Cecilbear · December 2013

sayysayy13, you might like the Fit Mom Fridays thread that someone started recently. Look out for it tomorrow! We don't talk about weight, but we do talk about keeping active and healthy eating, which is much more helpful than comparing weight.

RocksInTheWater · December 2013

sayysayy13 said:

dear god! holy shit, god forbid i ask a question im a FTM who waent sure about weight gain. dont need to make me feel like shit... its fucking weight i was just wondering how other people were doing with this because i felt fat..

You just wanted to compare yourself to others to make yourself feel better if someone said they gained more than you. And if someone said they only gained 5 lb, then what? Comparing weight gain is absolutely pointless. Go by what your doctor recommends.

Truly, if you knew how many weight posts there were, you could have easily read them to figure out the opinions on this topic.

Medic99 · December 2013

Since you asked, I have gained 3 lbs.....does that make you feel better? Stop with these dang posts already!! Everyone is different and going to gain differently.

NicoleAnne416 · December 2013

I get that this is a subject we maybe shouldn't talk about, but I guess for me it's not a big deal for someone to ask, so I'll answer.

22 weeks, up 11 pounds total. Some muscle has been lost due to shortness of breath causing me to not work out other than squats, dumbbells etc once in awhile but not often enough and no cardio, on top of nausea and migraines earlier on causing less work outs, so since muscle weighs more than fat... I am flabbier than before, I'd venture to say loss of muscle and gain of more chub means yep I gained some icky weight, but nothing I can't reverse after baby. It's winter in the midwest and I'm enjoying my brownies and carbs and junk food considering I have no taste for healthy food usually anymore.

Everyone is different and will gain differently. It's not good or bad unless your Dr. specifically tells you he/she is concerned. For some that lost weight the last year or more, it can be a shock to see that scale go up, but it's my third kid and I do know that I have to listen to my body, and work on having it look a certain way after this baby is safely in my arms.

BiggerinRealLife · December 2013

mummyofsix said:
I have made the decision to refuse weigh ins from now on. Inspired by @biggerinreallife who said her Dr doesn't make her. I like this very much. I cannot believe that it has taken me 10 children to reach this epiphany.

That wasn't me, even though I love the comment and I'm sure if I didn't want to weigh in my doc wouldn't make me. She's coo like that.
I said my doc is ok with the weight I am, and if he doesn't think it's a problem than I shouldn't stress either. But seriously, good for you@mummyofsix!

kwolslager · December 2013

jennypenny1014 said:

sayysayy13 said:

dear god! holy shit, god forbid i ask a question im a FTM who waent sure about weight gain. dont need to make me feel like shit... its fucking weight i was just wondering how other people were doing with this because i felt fat..

You gonna GBCB now too? I bump on mobile all the time, and even I can see that we've had a kajillion weight posts in the past 5+ months...without having to search for them.

ETA: Not to mention several ladies on this board have been pretty damn vocal about their feelings on weight posts/weight questions/weight inquiries in other posts...you'd have to be blind to not have seen any of this.

I weigh over 250lbs before pregnancy. You still feel fat now with your piddly 18 (out of 25-35) lb weight gain giving you nothing more than an ass and something to fill your bra?? Thought not.

I love you.

CosmoAnne1 · December 2013

I get asked almost everyday when I'm due. When I say April 3rd most responses are wow your big, or I thought you where ready to pop or oh is it twins. I'm just like I'm fucking pregnant thanks for making me feel bad and the reaction on there face is priceless and I walk away. Eat healthy. Work out if posible. Your fine!!!! And yes my fat ass is eating cake tonight for my daughters birthday! Nom! Nom! Nom!

sayysayy13 · December 2013

Alycia Hause said:
I agree no reason to tear her apart ladies, not everyone reads the boards religiously everyday. A polite comment of please search would be better than mocking and being childish. If you don't want people to feel bad about their weight you shouldn't want them to feel bad for mistakenly posting something either.

Thank you for you're support. After getting off work and reading all theses negative comments from these ladies who I thought were here to support me and everyone else on This boards it's nice to actually read the few nice comments from people like yourself. Because now I just feel even worse from all theses rude remarks and makes me feel like we're all back in high school again!!

sayysayy13 · December 2013

NicoleAnne416 said:
I get that this is a subject we maybe shouldn't talk about, but I guess for me it's not a big deal for someone to ask, so I'll answer.

22 weeks, up 11 pounds total. Some muscle has been lost due to shortness of breath causing me to not work out other than squats, dumbbells etc once in awhile but not often enough and no cardio, on top of nausea and migraines earlier on causing less work outs, so since muscle weighs more than fat... I am flabbier than before, I'd venture to say loss of muscle and gain of more chub means yep I gained some icky weight, but nothing I can't reverse after baby. It's winter in the midwest and I'm enjoying my brownies and carbs and junk food considering I have no taste for healthy food usually anymore.

Everyone is different and will gain differently. It's not good or bad unless your Dr. specifically tells you he/she is concerned. For some that lost weight the last year or more, it can be a shock to see that scale go up, but it's my third kid and I do know that I have to listen to my body, and work on having it look a certain way after this baby is safely in my arms.

Thank you for your response I don't see it as a big deal either. Just was curious where people were at with their weight gain. So thanks for beging honest

Alycia Hause · December 2013

To those of you berating this woman and accusing her of trying to just make herself feel better at the cost of others ... Find something better to do with your time and stop trying to control what people post. It is an open discussion board and you are not the police of it. We could have a million posts about any topic we want. If that's what people want to talk about let them!!! If you don't want to talk about it pass over that discussion. I can't stand the way some people think they own this birth month board. It's supposed to be a place of support and encouragement but people get so harsh and judgemental.

Alycia Hause · December 2013

@amah09 she explicitly said it's because it's hard to search from her phone. Who cares !!!

KatieGummow · December 2013

I have gained 10 lbs so far at 22w with twins.

Do I get a thank you now? I promise not to tell you not to worry about your weight and you that look beautiful anymore!

amhah09 · December 2013

I hear baby center is much more supportive and encouraging.

thomas930 · December 2013

Alycia Hause said:

To those of you berating this woman and accusing her of trying to just make herself feel better at the cost of others ... Find something better to do with your time and stop trying to control what people post. It is an open discussion board and you are not the police of it. We could have a million posts about any topic we want. If that's what people want to talk about let them!!! If you don't want to talk about it pass over that discussion. I can't stand the way some people think they own this birth month board. It's supposed to be a place of support and encouragement but people get so harsh and judgemental.

Yet you're telling everyone else what to do here :-/

She wouldn't have had to go very far to find threads just like this...its become a weekly thing.

KatieGummow · December 2013

Bluebird2318 · December 2013

Alycia Hause said: @amah09 she explicitly said it's because it's hard to search from her phone. Who cares !!!
------
In her OP she explicitly said it was because she was "just too lazy to go looking," and gave no reasoning beyond that. She mentioned her cell phone halfway down the page after people had already responded to her post. So there's that.

It is tired and old because we literally just had a discussion about weight threads within the past week. They don't help anyone. Even if you compare your weight to others and you come out "favorably" (meaning you see that your weight gain is less than someone else's and that makes you feel good), you are still hurting yourself. Why? Because you are associating your value with a number instead of the fact that you are a healthy pregnant woman. Never mind what happens to the women who read the thread and end up feeling worse... Nothing truly good can come out of comparing those numbers. That's why we all want it to stop.

Alycia Hause · December 2013

@thomas930 I'm sorry I shouldn't tell anyone how I feel this board should run because that is your job.

amhah09 · December 2013

It is always amusing to me when the white knights come in and slam everyone for being rude/bitchy/bossy but simultaneously sling their own insults and rules.

JessieAlbin · December 2013

mummyofsix said:
I have made the decision to refuse weigh ins from now on. Inspired by @biggerinreallife who said her Dr doesn't make her. I like this very much. I cannot believe that it has taken me 10 children to reach this epiphany.

All I can see in this post is 10 children. As a FTM who cannot fathom the idea of doing this again, I kinda wanna give you a medal or something. And a Wayne's World "we're not worthy!" gif. (But I'm mobile so the mental image will have to do)

Alycia Hause · December 2013

@amhah09 I do apologize. In attempting to defend a person I felt badly for I merely stooped to a low level of discussion board banter that drives me crazy.

NYJodway · December 2013

OK, so the big crime that some of the regular A14ers are committing is being a little snarky, which is suddenly downright criminal. Uh, ok.

Fine. Go ahead and berate the people who point out not only that we shouldn't have weight comparison threads, but also that it's already been pointed out that we shouldn't have weight comparison threads. Say they're not supportive, but do this. Think (really, truly THINK) about why it might possibly be that they take the position that they're taking.

In case your own lightbulbs haven't gone off, I'll help you out. It is precisely because they are, in fact, supportive and do, in fact, care about others that they've spoken up about these threads previously (politely, and repetitively) and how damaging and unhelpful these threads are. It's not difficult to understand why weight comparison threads are destructive and harmful. Will most of the people here support destructive behavior? No, because people who actually care about and support other people won't support what harms them. If it comes with a little snark, it comes with a little snark.

BiggerinRealLife · December 2013

Bluebird2318 said:

Alycia Hause said:

@amah09 she explicitly said it's because it's hard to search from her phone. Who cares !!!

------

In her OP she explicitly said it was because she was "just too lazy to go looking," and gave no reasoning beyond that. She mentioned her cell phone halfway down the page after people had already responded to her post. So there's that.

It is tired and old because we literally just had a discussion about weight threads within the past week. They don't help anyone. Even if you compare your weight to others and you come out "favorably" (meaning you see that your weight gain is less than someone else's and that makes you feel good), you are still hurting yourself. Why? Because you are associating your value with a number instead of the fact that you are a healthy pregnant woman. Never mind what happens to the women who read the thread and end up feeling worse... Nothing truly good can come out of comparing those numbers. That's why we all want it to stop.

Krispix78 · December 2013

Bananas! Lightbulbs! Rocking chair! Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

MamaFantastic · December 2013

ohhhh, i'd say i've gained about this much:

| <-------------------------------> |

Bluebird2318 · December 2013

@BiggerinRealLife Your Supernatural GIF warms my heart. :x That show was such a guilty pleasure for me.

BiggerinRealLife · December 2013

@Bluebird2318 I'm so glad, because everything you post makes me happy. :-*

P.S. Dean makes funny faces.

Bluebird2318 · December 2013

BiggerinRealLife said:

@Bluebird2318 I'm so glad, because everything you post makes me happy. :-*

P.S. Dean makes funny faces.

@biggerinreallife

KelleAlward · December 2013

I was surprised when my OB was significantly concerned about 18 pounds gained at 21 weeks, while I assumed it was normal. From what I am gathering here other women with similar weight gain at this point are not getting the same response from their Ob.

There are many valid reasons for discussing weight and this is a great way for FTM's like myself to get guidance from STM's. I've learned lots through previous weight discussions and I think it's silly to make it a taboo subject.

NYJodway · December 2013

KelleAlward said:

I was surprised when my OB was significantly concerned about 18 pounds gained at 21 weeks, while I assumed it was normal. From what I am gathering here other women with similar weight gain at this point are not getting the same response from their Ob. There are many valid reasons for discussing weight and this is a great way for FTM's like myself to get guidance from STM's. I've learned lots through previous weight discussions and I think it's silly to make it a taboo subject.

I understand what you're saying, but this post proves EXACTLY what's wrong with weight comparison conversations on the most obvious level, not even on the enforcement of ED and body image issues.

If your OB is concerned, you're better off talking to him or her about WHY he or she is concerned. Seeing what other women are hearing from their OBs is not relevant, because weight during pregnancy is such a personalized and individual issue, tied into the unique health situations and risks of each mother.

thomas930 · December 2013

@Alycia Hause Totally not my job to control the board. like @lia619 said, its my job to keep the TOS from being broken. Ya'll can post what you want and I put my mod hat on when TOS are violated, otherwise I'm a regular around here just like everyone else and I can have an opinion too and call out stupid when I see it.

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