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Would like to meet similar TTCers :)

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Re: Would like to meet similar TTCers :)

  • norweigannorweigan member
    CTbride79 said:
    Welcome!  One thing I will point out to you, is that you may be having too much sex (for TTC purposes) if you are doing it every single day?  I have heard it recommended that you only BD every other day during the time you are fertile, in order to increase sperm count each time you have sex.  
    That's what my doctor said too. He said from day 10 of your cycle until day 23 (I think, it could be another 20) you should have sex every other day. 
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  • Brandiwine14Brandiwine14 member
    edited December 2013
    dorothyzbornak97 said:


    mrskbuck said:


    Brandiwine14 said:

    Having sex every day doesn't make me miserable. I guess I see it as something like doing the laundry. I hate doing the laundry, and I never feel like doing it, but I do it anyway and it doesn't hurt me, it's just a little annoying. Thankfully sex is way better than doing laundry, and many days it is the highlight of my day. I obviously don't have a problem with my husband. He is a good man who has an addiction (that he is getting help for) and can get a little whiny around bedtime. I obviously don't have a problem with my husband, so I don't understand why some random person who doesn't know him thinks they are accomplishing something by talking bad about him. You are not helping me. You are getting into something that is none of your business.

    This made me so sad for you. When DH and I have sex, he is always concerned with my pleasure as I am with his. Sex shouldn't be a chore. 
    You may want to look into counseling as a couple. That is not a healthy sex life. It isn't going to get better on its own.

    Exactly. If it's already a chore at this point, think about what it will be like 10, 15, 20 years from now. 

    OP, you're an adult and obviously can make your own choices, but you put all this out here on the internet, which sort of makes it our business, so we're just expressing genuine feelings of concern for you. No need to get your panties in a wad.


    I don't think saying my husband is "shitty" is "expressing genuine feelings of concern." I realize that was not you, but seriously, nobody can say that about my husband or anybody else's. they don't know him and obviously I think the world of him. I appreciate good advice from concerned people. I don't appreciate having people talk badly of my husband for no reason except maybe to change my opinion of him which is counterproductive.
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  • Brandiwine14Brandiwine14 member
    He doesn't make me. I never said he made me. Getting whiny about seething he is seriously addicted to is hardly making me.
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  • Brandiwine14Brandiwine14 member
    norweigan said:


    CTbride79 said:

    Welcome!  One thing I will point out to you, is that you may be having too much sex (for TTC purposes) if you are doing it every single day?  I have heard it recommended that you only BD every other day during the time you are fertile, in order to increase sperm count each time you have sex.  

    That's what my doctor said too. He said from day 10 of your cycle until day 23 (I think, it could be another 20) you should have sex every other day. 


    He has agreed to try every other day or even every 2-3 days since we watched the YouTube video that was posted last night. I think it might kill him but he wants a baby very much.
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  • mikescutie7mikescutie7 member
    I think you guys should give up the conversation, Brandiwine14 obviously doesn't need judgment about her husband, a few people said nice things to her about her husband continuing to get help and I think that's all she needs, she came here for other advice.

    About the Bible I understand some people don't believe its relevant today and that we shouldn't believe or follow it 100% because of some odd things said in it. That's your right, Brandiwine14 and I believe the Bible is still relevant and that it must be read in context. You can't just take some old testament laws and use that to point out Bible flaws, a lot of things Jesus fulfilled when he came, and a lot of things were just national and cultural laws for Israel. But that's not what this thread is meant for, we could always create another if you wish but I think we hijacked this one enough
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  • JemmaWRXJemmaWRX member
    Brandiwine14 said:

    He doesn't make me. I never said he made me. Getting whiny about seething he is seriously addicted to is hardly making me.

    Maybe not. You are making the choice. But him asking everyday, and going through with it despite your feelings, is crappy.

    Serious question (not intended to be snarky) - do you fear he will stray if you're unwilling to have sex whenever he wants it?

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  • Brandiwine14Brandiwine14 member
    edited December 2013
    JemmaWRX said:

    OP - have you considered seeing a sex therapist together? You say he's getting help for his addiction. Is he speaking to someone? Can you join him?

    Sometimes it's easier to delude yourself than admit there is a problem. I would be concerned about the long term impact this arrangement might have on your self esteem.

    Yes, he has seen a counselor. I go with him but he usually speaks about it privately to the counselor, and as I stated earlier, it is better than it was at the beginning. Honestly, he sees it as more of a problem than I do. We have only been married 6 months, so I think considering the short time we have been together we have made a ton of progress. He quit smoking, drinking, dipping, and now he is trying to control his sexual urges all since we have been married so I'm really proud of him.

    Thank you very much for your concern. Seeing a counselor has definitely been the best thing for us.
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  • ngolimentongolimento member
    mikescutie7 said:

    I think you guys should give up the conversation, Brandiwine14 obviously doesn't need judgment about her husband, a few people said nice things to her about her husband continuing to get help and I think that's all she needs, she came here for other advice.

    About the Bible I understand some people don't believe its relevant today and that we shouldn't believe or follow it 100% because of some odd things said in it. That's your right, Brandiwine14 and I believe the Bible is still relevant and that it must be read in context. You can't just take some old testament laws and use that to point out Bible flaws, a lot of things Jesus fulfilled when he came, and a lot of things were just national and cultural laws for Israel. But that's not what this thread is meant for, we could always create another if you wish but I think we hijacked this one enough

    Um, you realize that you just completely agreed with what I said about the bible, then told me I'm wrong?
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  • mikescutie7mikescutie7 member
    cruelsound said:

    What is the problem?

    YOU SHOULD NOT BE HAVING SEX IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO.

    oh my goodness why does this bother you so much? I think you need to admit that for OTHER PEOPLE there is nothing wrong with having sex when you're not in the mood.

    If its like "I DON'T want sex but he is making me even if I said NO" then yes that is 100% wrong. That's gross, that's rape

    But if its "he wants sex and i'm not in the mood but I consent willingly" I don't find anything wrong with that. The few times I haven't been in the mood, my husband would have stopped if he had known because he likes when I'm in the mood, but I'm not gonna ruin his if I'm in  a crappy mood without good reason. Maybe if I had a legitimate reason, I probably will someday if I'm pregnant and/or have kids. But there's NOTHING wrong with doing it if no one is being forced
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  • BlckRosesBlckRoses member
    edited December 2013
    missnacholover said:
    Good luck to the OP.

    Maybe my husband's weird, but he doesn't really enjoy sex with me if I'm doing it out of "guilt".


    Same thing here.  He may pout a little bit if he's in the mood and I'm not, but he gets over it (usually with some alone time in the bathroom).  I think I've tried to do it once or twice when he was in the mood and I wasn't all that into it and he couldn't finish because I was obviously just doing it for him.  But my husband's the type of guy that really focuses on getting me off, and that's what gets him off.  To each their own.

    Good luck with TCC, OP.
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  • missnacholovermissnacholover member
    I've definitely had sex when I haven't been totally in the mood and ready an raring to go.  Usually after a few minutes, I get in the mood.  But if my DH was all, "Let's get it on!" and I absolutely was not in the mood and said "no" and he guilted me...yeah...that wouldn't happen.  He wouldn't enjoy making me do something I didn't want to do and was only doing out of guilt.
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  • mikescutie7mikescutie7 member
    Peledreamsofrain said:
    I think you guys should give up the conversation, Brandiwine14 obviously doesn't need judgment about her husband, a few people said nice things to her about her husband continuing to get help and I think that's all she needs, she came here for other advice.

    About the Bible I understand some people don't believe its relevant today and that we shouldn't believe or follow it 100% because of some odd things said in it. That's your right, Brandiwine14 and I believe the Bible is still relevant and that it must be read in context. You can't just take some old testament laws and use that to point out Bible flaws, a lot of things Jesus fulfilled when he came, and a lot of things were just national and cultural laws for Israel. But that's not what this thread is meant for, we could always create another if you wish but I think we hijacked this one enough
    Um, you realize that you just completely agreed with what I said about the bible, then told me I'm wrong?
    I think I see what you mean but that's not what I meant. I said the Bible is relevant and that we should follow it 100%, by that I mean the commands that are given to whom it is applicable. The problem I had is this all started when I referred to something in the new testament and people started pulling out old testament laws that were given to israel and some old testament laws that Jesus fulfilled. It doesn't make it any less relevant, we are still supposed to read and learn from these verses
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  • Brandiwine14Brandiwine14 member
    I said ED sex bothered me a little. It would bother him a little if we didn't have ED sex. He would have it multiple times per day if he could. I don't see why we cannot meet in the middle.

    I'm definitely not worried about him going somewhere else if I don't give in every day. That thought has never crossed my mind. There is no problem here. Yes, I often have sex when I'm not in the mood, but I'm a big girl, I can handle it. The times that I'm really in the mood make up for it.


    Thank you all for the concern everyone. I can assure you there is little to be concerned about here. I have a wonderful husband and a wonderful marriage and my only real concern in that area of my life is that the timing is not right for TTC :) For a few of you who did not give helpful advice: I do not want anybody's opinions of my husband. They are not helpful in the least and are unappreciated.
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  • mikescutie7mikescutie7 member
    I think @mikescutie7 gets confused easily. But I dig her attempt at telling us what we can and cannot discuss.


    ugh computer not cooperating with me so block quote fail. I don't think that's very fair, I'm not confused but its hard to keep up with the conversation because its not refreshing very well for me. Also I'm not telling you what you can and can't discuss I'm trying to give Brandi support because I think a lot of people are being unfair and focusing on a different subject than what she came here to discuss
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  • mikescutie7mikescutie7 member
    missnacholover said:
    I've definitely had sex when I haven't been totally in the mood and ready an raring to go.  Usually after a few minutes, I get in the mood.  But if my DH was all, "Let's get it on!" and I absolutely was not in the mood and said "no" and he guilted me...yeah...that wouldn't happen.  He wouldn't enjoy making me do something I didn't want to do and was only doing out of guilt.
    This! Thank you :)
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  • Brandiwine14Brandiwine14 member
    AppleGrapeMSTK said:

    I'm still stuck on why being a Christian was needed.  When I introduce myself to strangers, I don't say, "Hey, I'm Apple. I'm an agnostic, former-Mormon!  I hope we can be friends."  There are many Christians here and many people who are accepting of people of other religions.  There is no need to have to distinguish yourself from others here.  And beginning ANY conversation with religious or political views is a quick way to start a debate.  


    Give someone the chance to know the real you.  Showing someone you live your life like Christ is a better message than just labeling yourself.
    My identity is in Christ. It is the single most important thing in my life. Everything else is secondary to that one fact. I'm confused about why you have a problem with how I introduced myself.
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  • mikescutie7mikescutie7 member
    AppleGrapeMSTK said:
    I'm still stuck on why being a Christian was needed.  When I introduce myself to strangers, I don't say, "Hey, I'm Apple. I'm an agnostic, former-Mormon!  I hope we can be friends."  There are many Christians here and many people who are accepting of people of other religions.  There is no need to have to distinguish yourself from others here.  And beginning ANY conversation with religious or political views is a quick way to start a debate.  

    Give someone the chance to know the real you.  Showing someone you live your life like Christ is a better message than just labeling yourself.
    If Brandi mentioned she was a Christian its because it was extremely important to her. A lot of evangelical Christians believe in living their faith in the open, nothing wrong with that. And I think she was looking for other Christian friends

    And I don't think anyone wanted a debate. I mentioned my views since I'm a Christian because I thought it would be relevant to the conversation but I certainly didn't want/expect people to be so very judgmental. If its our beliefs why do you care? No one is forcing them on anybody and I'm not interested in arguments against my faith that I've heard millions of times
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  • janda426janda426 member
    I see some serious back pedaling here. It's like if you just pretend it doesn't bother you then there isn't really a problem but you admitted yourself you aren't happy with your sex life and don't ever get to stop to take a moment to crave it- it's always I his terms, even when you don't want to.

    Obviously you won't listen to any of us but maybe you should stop to think if THIS MANY people say something is wrong... Maybe something's wrong?
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  • Brandiwine14Brandiwine14 member
    EmeJay said:

    @Brandiwine14 - You've been married for 6 months. I guess that you didn't have sex before, right?

    Maybe now it's ok for you to do it even if you're not in the mood. What you're doing though is setting precedent for the rest of your life.

    Sex is meant to be fun and enjoyed by both persons. The way you're doing it now, you're going to resent it very soon.

    The key to a happy marriage is not to "meet in the middle". It's to find a ground where both partners are equally comfortable. This is WAY different.

    I really hope that you are able to find some kind of enjoyment in sex and that's not just for him "to do his business".


    I see your point and I appreciate your concern. He has seen a counselor on his own. That was his decision. No marriage is perfect, but mine gets better every day. We really do try to listen to each others needs, but we will never claim to have this marriage thing down to the T. I don't think anybody does. The only way I would become resentful is if he never tried to make those changes for the sake of our marriage, but he does.
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  • mikescutie7mikescutie7 member
    janda426 said:

    I

    Obviously you won't listen to any of us but maybe you should stop to think if THIS MANY people say something is wrong... Maybe something's wrong?

    Because what is right or wrong is always determined by a vote right?
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  • Brandiwine14Brandiwine14 member
    janda426 said:

    I see some serious back pedaling here. It's like if you just pretend it doesn't bother you then there isn't really a problem but you admitted yourself you aren't happy with your sex life and don't ever get to stop to take a moment to crave it- it's always I his terms, even when you don't want to.

    Obviously you won't listen to any of us but maybe you should stop to think if THIS MANY people say something is wrong... Maybe something's wrong?

    It is just a minor issue in my life, but DH has been to counseling just as everyone is suggesting so what I'm saying is I have a lot to be thankful for. I don't blow minor issues out of proportion.
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  • janda426janda426 member
    mikescutie7 said:

    janda426 said:

    I

    Obviously you won't listen to any of us but maybe you should stop to think if THIS MANY people say something is wrong... Maybe something's wrong?

    Because what is right or wrong is always determined by a vote right?
    Yeah that's exactly what I said.

    Or maybe if 100 people are telling you the sky is blue when you insist it's green, the problem is with you and not everyone else.

    I'm sorry if that is too much for you to comprehend, mikes cutie.
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  • CMSullivan326CMSullivan326 member
    edited December 2013
    cruelsound said:

    And with that, I'm sure I'm being added to a bunch of lists.

    I probably am too since I love-tited your post...
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  • EmpireceoEmpireceo member
    FFS, marriage means different things to different people.  Would I deal with OP's problem the same way she is?  Nope, but I don't have to be married to her husband, so I'm not going to get all worked up by it.
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  • DucktaleDucktale member
    edited December 2013

    Yeah, I can't get all riled up over this. It definitely wouldn't be the right thing for our marriage (Lord have mercy you must have callouses or something. Yowza.) but I dunno. I agree he totally should not make her feel guilty, hello, he's getting it way way more than most men, but I've done it even when I wasn't totally in the mood, and like a PP, I get into it when we get going.

    Agree that you're inviting a fight when you bring religion into it though.

    I'm wondering what he did before marriage. I assume you and he believe sex outside of marriage is wrong, so...was he still having ED sex then?

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  • Mgill8134Mgill8134 member
    This whole thread is ridiculous. Everyone is reading wayyy too far into the very first post. It was just a girl introducing herself to find other people to share this TTC experience with. Not to try to fight a losing fight about Christianity and how everyone thinks her husband has too much sex and blah blah blah. Smh. The maturity levels of some people make me doubt that they should even be TTC.
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