Would like to meet similar TTCers :)

wishiwaspreggo

lebradford said:

This whole thread is ridiculous. Everyone is reading wayyy too far into the very first post. It was just a girl introducing herself to find other people to share this TTC experience with. Not to try to fight a losing fight about Christianity and how everyone thinks her husband has too much sex and blah blah blah. Smh. The maturity levels of some people make me doubt that they should even be TTC.

--------- Fuck off.

Took the words right outta my mouth.

ETA: *waves white flag at Christian ladies* - even though I'm gay and agnostic, I love my Christian friends!  As long as we don't have conversations about conversion therapy or any other nonsense, I'm totally happy being friendly with religious folks.

gscoville

Ducktale said:

Yeah, I can't get all riled up over this. It definitely wouldn't be the right thing for our marriage (Lord have mercy you must have callouses or something. Yowza.) but I dunno. I agree he totally should not make her feel guilty, hello, he's getting it way way more than most men, but I've done it even when I wasn't totally in the mood, and like a PP, I get into it when we get going.

Agree that you're inviting a fight when you bring religion into it though.

I'm wondering what he did before marriage. I assume you and he believe sex outside of marriage is wrong, so...was he still having ED sex then?

I totally wonder about this too!  If it would "kill him" now to go without sex for a day, what on earth did he do before the wedding? 

PrimRoseMama

Agree with @cruelsound & @sweettea . Your husband needs more help, OP. Possibly during your pregnancy you may be restricted. I know after birth there is no sex for 6 weeks. It's a health issue so you don't get an infected uterus.

So, something tells me that your husband does not care about your emotional, sexual or physical needs. He uses sex to subjugate you. That's not what a loving God intended it for. Just because you "think of it as an annoying chore like laundry" doesn't mean it's alright to use you in this way.

I really think you need a wake up call, like yesterday. Healthy, functioning marriages do not operate this way.

ngolimento

Mgill8134 said:

This whole thread is ridiculous. Everyone is reading wayyy too far into the very first post. It was just a girl introducing herself to find other people to share this TTC experience with. Not to try to fight a losing fight about Christianity and how everyone thinks her husband has too much sex and blah blah blah. Smh. The maturity levels of some people make me doubt that they should even be TTC.

At least my children will be raised to show concern when they suspect someone is in trouble, and won't say the nastiest thing they can think of to people trying to help others.

I honesly can't say the same from you with the hate you are spewing.

missnacholover

Mgill8134 said:

This whole thread is ridiculous. Everyone is reading wayyy too far into the very first post. It was just a girl introducing herself to find other people to share this TTC experience with. Not to try to fight a losing fight about Christianity and how everyone thinks her husband has too much sex and blah blah blah. Smh. The maturity levels of some people make me doubt that they should even be TTC.

I am hereby closing my legs and reading my bible because clearly I'm too immature to TTC.  Thank you, internet stranger, for opening up my eyes!

janda426

Mgill8134 said:

This whole thread is ridiculous. Everyone is reading wayyy too far into the very first post. It was just a girl introducing herself to find other people to share this TTC experience with. Not to try to fight a losing fight about Christianity and how everyone thinks her husband has too much sex and blah blah blah. Smh. The maturity levels of some people make me doubt that they should even be TTC.

Good thing we don't know you and don't give a flying fuck what YOU think.

EmeJay

Uh, I don't know about you ladies, but the first year my SO and I dated, we would be clothed for about 15 minutes max.

I don't agree that OP should have sex when she doesn't want to, but to all the righteous EHMARGERD how can you have that much sex, he's a pig - they are NEWLYWEDS, that probably didn't have sex prior to their wedding.

PrimRoseMama

Mgill8134 said:

This whole thread is ridiculous. Smh. The maturity levels of some people make me doubt that they should even be TTC.

What the Hell? Who are you to be judge, jury & executioner on who is allowed to reproduce? No one needs your permission. What a bitchy thing to say.

Also, not every single poster here is TTC. Some are TTA until they can TTC again.

EmeJay

This thread is fucking ridiculous

PrimRoseMama

EmeJay said:

Uh, I don't know about you ladies, but the first year my SO and I dated, we would be clothed for about 15 minutes max.

I don't agree that OP should have sex when she doesn't want to, but to all the righteous EHMARGERD how can you have that much sex, he's a pig - they are NEWLYWEDS, that probably didn't have sex prior to their wedding.

The frequency is not really an issue for me. They can bang like rabbits. More power to them. However, it's the guilting, bible lording over his wife, pouting (huge turn off by the way, for me personally) & acting like a self-centered jerk about it that bothers me.

He seems to care about his needs only & not that his wife is in pain. My husband respects me if sex hurts or I don't feel like it. No pouting, no power play, no mind games with the bible. Just, "ok maybe tomorrow night!".

I'm not pearl clutching about the sex. I'm repulsed by his apparent contempt for her well-being.

beckynsean11

Mgill8134 said:

This whole thread is ridiculous. Everyone is reading wayyy too far into the very first post. It was just a girl introducing herself to find other people to share this TTC experience with. Not to try to fight a losing fight about Christianity and how everyone thinks her husband has too much sex and blah blah blah. Smh. The maturity levels of some people make me doubt that they should even be TTC.

Good thing you're so much better than everyone else.

wishiwaspreggo

PrimRoseMama said:

Uh, I don't know about you ladies, but the first year my SO and I dated, we would be clothed for about 15 minutes max.

I don't agree that OP should have sex when she doesn't want to, but to all the righteous EHMARGERD how can you have that much sex, he's a pig - they are NEWLYWEDS, that probably didn't have sex prior to their wedding.

The frequency is not really an issue for me. They can bang like rabbits. More power to them. However, it's the guilting, bible lording over his wife, pouting (huge turn off by the way, for me personally) & acting like a self-centered jerk about it that bothers me. He seems to care about his needs only & not that his wife is in pain. My husband respects me if sex hurts or I don't feel like it. No pouting, no power play, no mind games with the bible. Just, "ok maybe tomorrow night!". I'm not pearl clutching about the sex. I'm repulsed by his apparent contempt for her well-being.

Yup, this is exactly how I feel.  And I get why the OP has sex with her hubby when she's not in the mood, to a degree.  Back in my hetero days, I had a boyfriend who wanted to get it on while his parents were upstairs and I just couldn't get in the mood.  He was so persistent that I finally said fine, threw my legs in the air, and let him have a go at it.

However, he had the decency to not enjoy himself much because I was clearly not into it.  I said "Just get it over with" and then he shoved himself off me and refused to talk to me the rest of the night.

In any case, I just think it's disrespectful (and kind of questionable) for a man to be okay with having sex with a woman who would rather be doing something else.  Aside from the odd night where a woman starts having sex with her husband (though she'd rather not) and gets into it during the process.  I think we've all experienced that.

It's the "I'm rubbed raw and don't want to and won't get in the mood due to the pain but I'll still have sex with him because I'm his wife" thinking that gets to me.  But to each her own.  She clearly is okay with it.  To put it out there, though... we're going to share our thoughts.

EmeJay

bbg676 said:

EmeJay said:

Uh, I don't know about you ladies, but the first year my SO and I dated, we would be clothed for about 15 minutes max.

I don't agree that OP should have sex when she doesn't want to, but to all the righteous EHMARGERD how can you have that much sex, he's a pig - they are NEWLYWEDS, that probably didn't have sex prior to their wedding.

No EHMARGERD over here about the amount they are having, as long as both are wanting and willing to have sex every time (even if not really in the mood).  

Personally, I read the OP and further comments with a bit of worry.  Not because you 'shouldn't ever have sex if you aren't in the mood'.  Hell, I'll bed DH sometimes when I'm not in the mood, especially when in my FW or when doing fertility treatments.  Usually I end up getting in the mood during and, either way, I do enjoy it still, but I have been there and do not see it as that big of a deal, especially if it is only once in a while or specifically for fertility purposes.

That said, my concern is that it appeared that he was pressuring her to give him sex every night, even if she did not want it.  It appeared like she was being emotionally manipulated into having sex, into agreeing to it only because it is her 'wifely duty' and it 'keeps his sex addiction at bay', since he will 'die without ED sex'.  Certain statements she made started to make it appear that there was possibly some serious pressuring going on, similar to a high school boyfriend who pushes a girl to put out even if they really don't want to, usually stacked with projections of guilt and shame.  These sent up red flags.

So no, I don't think there is anything wrong with having sex every day, five times a day, or infrequently.  I do worry when someone only has sex out of obligation to a book/text or their husband's belief of what their duty and role as a wife is.  Sex is supposed to be fun and intimate- that is why you did it so often as a newlywed.  The OP did not make it sound like they were mutually benefiting or having fun and that is what worried me.  

__________________

I 100% agree with you, as I stated earlier in the thread.

What I meant by my comment, was more about the "personal story" of people in this thread other than the situation specific to the OP.

TL;DR: Sex is fun. You should have sex when you want. The Bible shouldn't tell you when to have sex. It is kind of normal to have a higher sex drive at the beggining of a relationship.

ngolimento

Yeah, I don't think honeymoon horniness = this situation at all.

Pressuring someone for sex they don't want is wrong. That's what everyone is concerned about here.

And some posters where two hairs away from the "husbands can't rape their wives" mentality. That shit gived me the willies.

BlckRoses

I'm sorry you had to go through that @bbg676, sending you creepy internet hugs.  

wishiwaspreggo

That's terrible, @bbg676... I am so sorry that happened to you.  (((((HUGS)))))

beckynsean11

@bbg676 I'm really sorry you went through that. That situation is my only concern for the OP in this thread. I couldn't care less how frequently anyone has sex. Hugs lady.

ETA: @Pintobean39 hugs to you too!

Pintobean39

@bbg676 I'm so sorry. I totally understand what you are saying. That's my concern for the OP myself. I was married to someone that guilted me also and I gave in but eventually it can turn into a situation that isn't healthy. Many therapy sessions later one thing I've learned is sex isn't a chore and no means no regardless if it's your husband or not.

ngolimento

bbg676 said:

Thank you ladies.  I left the relationship immediately after that occurred, but it took a while to really understand what had happened and that it was not my fault.  I met DH shortly afterward and he taught me how to respect myself again and how to set boundaries.  

I'm so sorry for what you went through, and I'm so glad you found a man who respects you and boundaries. *hugs*

PrimRoseMama

sweetTea42 said:

@bbg676 ((((HUGS))))

:x >:D< @bbg676 : I'm so sorry you experienced that. Huge, huge hugs.

jaytee16

@Pintobean39 and @bbg676 - (((hugs)) to you strong ladies

WolFox

bbg676 said:

Thank you ladies.  I left the relationship immediately after that occurred, but it took a while to really understand what had happened and that it was not my fault.  I met DH shortly afterward and he taught me how to respect myself again and how to set boundaries.  

I'm glad you're with someone wonderful who helps you be strong. I'm sorry for what you went through :-( 

WolFox

Also, in regards to the main issue in this post:

What the fucking fuckity fuck? 

To disengage from my own anger regarding the topic of sexual manipulation, antiquated gender roles and the use of religion in justifying this sort of nonsense,  I go to my normal reply structure, which is generally in gif/meme form, and, in this case, inspired by a PP:

Edit: image didn't initially work, also: words. 

WolFox

BrightEyes112 said:

I have a similar story as pp. I was in a 2.5 yr relationship in high school and after grad. He used to make me feel so guilty for not having sex with him when I wasn't in the mood. It got to the point where it was too much work to say no so I would just do it. This went on too long. After it was over I realized he was manipulating me in all aspects of life, not just sex and was extremely mentally abusive to me. By the end of it he had completely taken away my self worth. So many times, you are in the situation and don't realize how bad it is until it is over and you are able to get out of it.

I'm glad you got out, BE. :-) 

KingLED

BrightEyes112 said:

I have a similar story as pp. I was in a 2.5 yr relationship in high school and after grad. He used to make me feel so guilty for not having sex with him when I wasn't in the mood. It got to the point where it was too much work to say no so I would just do it. This went on too long. After it was over I realized he was manipulating me in all aspects of life, not just sex and was extremely mentally abusive to me. By the end of it he had completely taken away my self worth. So many times, you are in the situation and don't realize how bad it is until it is over and you are able to get out of it.

This exactly. 

griffers

OP, I just want you to know that I am here totally understanding your feelings. Some of the crap people have posted on your thread is straight up cray cray.

You don't need to give specifics but I just want to say my take on this: if your husband just wants sex all the time that does not make him a sex addict in my opinion. I assume his "addiction" goes much much deeper than that or he would not be going to counseling. But for other posters to say your husband needs more help because he asks for it every day....they have no idea. They don't know your husband, his medical/mental health history, or the extent of his "addiction".

Also, I am glad my husband wants me that bad all the time. I know people will have a field day with this comment, but I'd rather give in once in a while when I'm not in the mood than have my husband cheating on me or leaving me because he is not satisfied with his sex life. And if you think your husband would not look for it elsewhere when he is not getting it at home you are very naive. That is what every single woman who has ever been cheated on thought at one point: My husband would never do that to me.

So Brandiwine, just know that I feel where you are coming from. Just because my husband gives me a guilt trip sometimes does not mean that I give in unless I want to and it does not mean that if I don't give in he has sex with me anyways. You did not ask to be judged, or critiqued, or counseled on your marriage. You were only trying to share something personal in order to connect with people you don't know thinking they might relate in some way. I'm sorry that this is what it turned into.

KingLED

griffers said:

OP, I just want you to know that I am here totally understanding your feelings. Some of the crap people have posted on your thread is straight up cray cray.

You don't need to give specifics but I just want to say my take on this: if your husband just wants sex all the time that does not make him a sex addict in my opinion. I assume his "addiction" goes much much deeper than that or he would not be going to counseling. But for other posters to say your husband needs more help because he asks for it every day....they have no idea. They don't know your husband, his medical/mental health history, or the extent of his "addiction".

Also, I am glad my husband wants me that bad all the time. I know people will have a field day with this comment, but I'd rather give in once in a while when I'm not in the mood than have my husband cheating on me or leaving me because he is not satisfied with his sex life. And if you think your husband would not look for it elsewhere when he is not getting it at home you are very naive. That is what every single woman who has ever been cheated on thought at one point: My husband would never do that to me.

So Brandiwine, just know that I feel where you are coming from. Just because my husband gives me a guilt trip sometimes does not mean that I give in unless I want to and it does not mean that if I don't give in he has sex with me anyways. You did not ask to be judged, or critiqued, or counseled on your marriage. You were only trying to share something personal in order to connect with people you don't know thinking they might relate in some way. I'm sorry that this is what it turned into.

So you're saying it's okay to just let your husband use you because it's better than him cheating?  Because I'm pretty sure in both scenarios that makes your husband an asshole that you shouldn't be with.

griffers

EllyD14 said:

griffers said:

OP, I just want you to know that I am here totally understanding your feelings. Some of the crap people have posted on your thread is straight up cray cray.

You don't need to give specifics but I just want to say my take on this: if your husband just wants sex all the time that does not make him a sex addict in my opinion. I assume his "addiction" goes much much deeper than that or he would not be going to counseling. But for other posters to say your husband needs more help because he asks for it every day....they have no idea. They don't know your husband, his medical/mental health history, or the extent of his "addiction".

Also, I am glad my husband wants me that bad all the time. I know people will have a field day with this comment, but I'd rather give in once in a while when I'm not in the mood than have my husband cheating on me or leaving me because he is not satisfied with his sex life. And if you think your husband would not look for it elsewhere when he is not getting it at home you are very naive. That is what every single woman who has ever been cheated on thought at one point: My husband would never do that to me.

So Brandiwine, just know that I feel where you are coming from. Just because my husband gives me a guilt trip sometimes does not mean that I give in unless I want to and it does not mean that if I don't give in he has sex with me anyways. You did not ask to be judged, or critiqued, or counseled on your marriage. You were only trying to share something personal in order to connect with people you don't know thinking they might relate in some way. I'm sorry that this is what it turned into.

So you're saying it's okay to just let your husband use you because it's better than him cheating?  Because I'm pretty sure in both scenarios that makes your husband an asshole that you shouldn't be with.

My husband isn't using me for sex. That is laughable actually.

But I am saying that yes, I'd rather have sex when I am not in the mood than have my husband cheat on me. I'm talking years of saying no, not oh I didn't want to once this week and he went and cheated on me.

ngolimento

griffers said:

EllyD14 said:

griffers said:

OP, I just want you to know that I am here totally understanding your feelings. Some of the crap people have posted on your thread is straight up cray cray.

You don't need to give specifics but I just want to say my take on this: if your husband just wants sex all the time that does not make him a sex addict in my opinion. I assume his "addiction" goes much much deeper than that or he would not be going to counseling. But for other posters to say your husband needs more help because he asks for it every day....they have no idea. They don't know your husband, his medical/mental health history, or the extent of his "addiction".

Also, I am glad my husband wants me that bad all the time. I know people will have a field day with this comment, but I'd rather give in once in a while when I'm not in the mood than have my husband cheating on me or leaving me because he is not satisfied with his sex life. And if you think your husband would not look for it elsewhere when he is not getting it at home you are very naive. That is what every single woman who has ever been cheated on thought at one point: My husband would never do that to me.

So Brandiwine, just know that I feel where you are coming from. Just because my husband gives me a guilt trip sometimes does not mean that I give in unless I want to and it does not mean that if I don't give in he has sex with me anyways. You did not ask to be judged, or critiqued, or counseled on your marriage. You were only trying to share something personal in order to connect with people you don't know thinking they might relate in some way. I'm sorry that this is what it turned into.

So you're saying it's okay to just let your husband use you because it's better than him cheating?  Because I'm pretty sure in both scenarios that makes your husband an asshole that you shouldn't be with.



My husband isn't using me for sex. That is laughable actually.

But I am saying that yes, I'd rather have sex when I am not in the mood than have my husband cheat on me. I'm talking years of saying no, not oh I didn't want to once this week and he went and cheated on me.

Wow, sounds like a stable relationship built on trust if you have to constantly placate him for fear he'll cheat on you.

It's straight up Disney, is what it is!

WolFox

WolFox said:

Also, in regards to the main issue in this post:

What the fucking fuckity fuck? 

I'm quoting myself because what I said earlier bears repeating considering what giffers said... 

TeeJ526

cruelsound said:

griffers said:

OP, I just want you to know that I am here totally understanding your feelings. Some of the crap people have posted on your thread is straight up cray cray.

You don't need to give specifics but I just want to say my take on this: if your husband just wants sex all the time that does not make him a sex addict in my opinion. I assume his "addiction" goes much much deeper than that or he would not be going to counseling. But for other posters to say your husband needs more help because he asks for it every day....they have no idea. They don't know your husband, his medical/mental health history, or the extent of his "addiction".

Also, I am glad my husband wants me that bad all the time. I know people will have a field day with this comment, but I'd rather give in once in a while when I'm not in the mood than have my husband cheating on me or leaving me because he is not satisfied with his sex life. And if you think your husband would not look for it elsewhere when he is not getting it at home you are very naive. That is what every single woman who has ever been cheated on thought at one point: My husband would never do that to me.

So Brandiwine, just know that I feel where you are coming from. Just because my husband gives me a guilt trip sometimes does not mean that I give in unless I want to and it does not mean that if I don't give in he has sex with me anyways. You did not ask to be judged, or critiqued, or counseled on your marriage. You were only trying to share something personal in order to connect with people you don't know thinking they might relate in some way. I'm sorry that this is what it turned into.

You are awful.

What @cruelsound said. Are you seriously playing the "If he can't get it here, he can get it elsewhere..." card? Last I checked, that's not how a healthy relationship is supposed to work.

griffers

That is a sad reality. If you have been married for 10 years, and let's say 5 years goes by where you rarely have sex. Let's say you're in the mood once a month. You think your horny husband who wants it every day and gets shot down because "you're not in the mood" is not going to start looking for it elsewhere? The day I say no to my husband's advances and he just says OK and goes to sleep I am going to wonder wtf is going on.

If you all want to say you think I have a bad relationship that is fine. None of you have to be in my relationship.

KingLED

Okay, there seems to be a lot of "OP I've got your back because THIS is what you meant."  So, @brandiwine14 do you agree with what griffers and mikescutie7 are saying? 

ADH0906

fuzzylogic said:

Guess I'm just a lonely Atheist, trying to conceive a demon baby with my Catholic husband.

We're doomed, I tell ya. Doomed.

The entire thread is tl;dr for me.

Shit, me too. I hadn't even considered that my hostile heathen womb might be killing off his good catholic sperm. NOW you tell me!

TeeJ526

griffers said:

That is a sad reality. If you have been married for 10 years, and let's say 5 years goes by where you rarely have sex. Let's say you're in the mood once a month. You think your horny husband who wants it every day and gets shot down because "you're not in the mood" is not going to start looking for it elsewhere? The day I say no to my husband's advances and he just says OK and goes to sleep I am going to wonder wtf is going on.

If you all want to say you think I have a bad relationship that is fine. None of you have to be in my relationship.

If a man wants to cheat, he's going to cheat. There are plenty of instances where the sex life between the husband and wife is good or even great and the husband may still cheat, so stop using that as a cop out. Also, OP didn't say she was rarely in the mood; she just said that she wasn't in the mood for everyday sex.

KingLED

BrightEyes112 said:

That is a sad reality. If you have been married for 10 years, and let's say 5 years goes by where you rarely have sex. Let's say you're in the mood once a month. You think your horny husband who wants it every day and gets shot down because "you're not in the mood" is not going to start looking for it elsewhere? The day I say no to my husband's advances and he just says OK and goes to sleep I am going to wonder wtf is going on.

If you all want to say you think I have a bad relationship that is fine. None of you have to be in my relationship.

If I turn down H and he says ok and goes to sleep, I assume he respects me and my body and probably played with himself in the other room.

Oh, honey.  I'm sorry to break it to you, but that's CLEARLY a sign that he's getting some on the side.  And playing with himself doesn't count.

griffers

TeeJ526 said:

That is a sad reality. If you have been married for 10 years, and let's say 5 years goes by where you rarely have sex. Let's say you're in the mood once a month. You think your horny husband who wants it every day and gets shot down because "you're not in the mood" is not going to start looking for it elsewhere? The day I say no to my husband's advances and he just says OK and goes to sleep I am going to wonder wtf is going on.

If you all want to say you think I have a bad relationship that is fine. None of you have to be in my relationship.

If a man wants to cheat, he's going to cheat. There are plenty of instances where the sex life between the husband and wife is good or even great and the husband may still cheat, so stop using that as a cop out. Also, OP didn't say she was rarely in the mood; she just said that she wasn't in the mood for everyday sex.

I totally agree, but my husband is not going to cheat for that reason. And I don't need a cop out. What works for my marriage works for my marriage. What bothers me is all these posters like gasp, omg cannot believe that a woman would put out when they are not in the mood, that's abuse. That is ridiculous. Clearly the OP was not looking for all this nonsense. That was my only point of the posts saying I had her back.

ngolimento

griffers said:

That is a sad reality. If you have been married for 10 years, and let's say 5 years goes by where you rarely have sex. Let's say you're in the mood once a month. You think your horny husband who wants it every day and gets shot down because "you're not in the mood" is not going to start looking for it elsewhere? The day I say no to my husband's advances and he just says OK and goes to sleep I am going to wonder wtf is going on.

If you all want to say you think I have a bad relationship that is fine. None of you have to be in my relationship.

I think I just rolled my eyes hard enough to change the Earth's rotation.

griffers

DarcyHermione said:

griffers said:

That is a sad reality. If you have been married for 10 years, and let's say 5 years goes by where you rarely have sex. Let's say you're in the mood once a month. You think your horny husband who wants it every day and gets shot down because "you're not in the mood" is not going to start looking for it elsewhere? The day I say no to my husband's advances and he just says OK and goes to sleep I am going to wonder wtf is going on.

If you all want to say you think I have a bad relationship that is fine. None of you have to be in my relationship.

No, that would not happen to me. If we were having trouble in the bedroom and it was hard on one of us we would consider counseling well before we would consider cheating. Because that's how healthy relationships work.

I'm glad your husband would consider counseling. Not all husbands would. And not all relationships are perfectly healthy 100% of the time. 

KingLED

griffers said:

That is a sad reality. If you have been married for 10 years, and let's say 5 years goes by where you rarely have sex. Let's say you're in the mood once a month. You think your horny husband who wants it every day and gets shot down because "you're not in the mood" is not going to start looking for it elsewhere? The day I say no to my husband's advances and he just says OK and goes to sleep I am going to wonder wtf is going on.

If you all want to say you think I have a bad relationship that is fine. None of you have to be in my relationship.

Seriously, how little do you think of your husband (or do you think your husband thinks of you) that you're so sure he (or any other man) would cheat on you if you didn't give it up enough?