I know a lot of the people on here have young step kids. And if you do count it as a blessing, trust me. For the second time now I am engaged to man with teenagers who were already teenagers when I came into the picture. I am having once again a difficult time with daddy's girl deciding she no longer likes me. I saw a text she sent to her dad that said she was sorry but that she doesn't like me. To be quite honest I've been down this road before and I pretty much expected it to happen. She doesn't like me because I am treating her dad poorly in her eyes I guess. Of course he discusses everything with her so for a variety of reasons she knows that he was texting other women inappropriately. So how she manages to decide I am the bad guy is beyond me. So I was fine with all of it as I have seen her a few times lately and she did talk to me so it wasn't like she is completely ignoring me or anything. The final straw that brought me to write this post is I am having a party for my 4 year old son. I made an event on facebook and she actually removed herself from the event. Seriously, she can't be bothered to be invited to my 4 year old son's birthday party. OMG, I cannot believe I am dealing with this same bull shit again.
Re: Getting Along with Teenage Stepkids
Oh and she isn't a teenager anymore. She was 18 when we met and now she is 20.
Yep, I totally agree. I explained this to him but I can already tell this is starting to be a repeat of my last relationship. I explained to him this dislike is inevitable and hopefully it will eventually get better. But I can tell that he is already blaming me for everything.
He ought to be kidding your butt left and right at this moment. And if he is just looking for more ways to make problems your fault, then he is not worth it. He doesn't sound vested in this relationship. And believe me, if you were reading my posts when my H and I were going through such a rough time last year and beginning of this one, you know I am not one to give up our tell anyone to give up on a relationship. But he had to want to make changes and make things better, too. Not just you.
That being said, I know you are still trying to make things work. Can I recommend that you read The Love Dare? It is a Christian marriage challenge, but even if you are not a Christian, it has some brilliant lessons on love and marriage. It helped me change my marriage, and my H was not all that vested in it at the time either.
And if at the end of the challenge, this are still bad, you will know you have truly tried and some your part. Please just check it out out. You can actually find the daily "dares" online if you Google them.
I know you are right here. I've known it all along that he had a weird and inappropriate relationship with his daughter. It is just so hard for me to determine what is normal because I do not have a relationship with my own father. But to know that they talk about intimate and adult things does rub me the wrong way. The things she speaks to him about she should be talking to her mom or her friends about. She treats him like he is her teenage buddy. I'm all for dad's being close with their kids but I've known since the beginning his boundries with her were not in the right place.
No, your BF is not going to break up with you, even if he is not invested in the relationship. He can have all of the benefits of a girlfriend with you (someone to hang out with on weekends, available sex) without the responsibilities of a relationship (giving up sexting other women, having boundries with his kids).
You keep searching for people to say "yes, my SO treats me like sh*t, just like yours! It's just the way men are! They cheat, they allow their kids to treat their girlfriends like cr*p....." but not all men are like that. You need to break up with this guy, get therapy or read some self-help books, work on yourself and your own issues (ex), and set higher standards for yourself. The world will not implode if you aren't attached to a man. Reconnect with your gfs, get a hobby, dedicate yourself to your work....stop investing in a relationship that is going nowhere (and even if you have a ring, the relationship is going nowhere).
Just as an aside - - why would a 20 year old go to the party of a 4 yo? It is not fun for a 20 year old, and the two are not related.
So just to humor me what would a good man do about his daughter not liking his girlfriend?
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I feel bad for the 20 year old, surrounded by adults who aren't acting like it! She seems like the only one who might have her head on right!
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
I would expect a good man to tell his daughter "You don't have to like my girlfriend, but you need to be respectful and polite around her. I love you, but I also love my girlfriend, and I expect the two of you to get along on the few occasions where you have to see each other."
I personally would never force my (when they are) adult children to like my SOs, and I would not give them ultimatiums, but I would expect courtesy and respect from them.
I would also expect a good man NOT to share intimate details of our relationship with ANYONE! His daughter, his parents, his ex, his best friend....NO ONE! He should realize our relationship is special and between us.
Your future SD doesn't have to like you but she should at the very least be civil.
You deserve love, this isn't what that looks like. Love is far more than the honeymoon periods when this guy pretends to care.
There's a reason few have answered your original question, its because that isn't the problem. you are worth someone who genuinely cares but it appears you don't value yourself enough to see that.
You can't build real happiness on the back of your wounds. It won't work. There's bigger issues here, bigger than your relationship with this man. He's a symptom of the disease of not loving yourself. You can get rid of him sure but what's stopping you from finding another
Him. This sounds overly critical but I mean it with kindness, you deserve the happiness you seek but you won't find it on this road.
What's your best outcome here? You can't magically change this man? He already doesn't value your feelings so he's not going to wake up and love you enough to be differ
him.
I am sure that you saw him straying and realized your mistakes (though the only person at fault when someone cheats is the cheater) and have made great strides towards being more present in your relationship, and less focused on your ex. BUT he has shown you over and over again. If you want to continue this relationship, you should seek coupled therapy, and solo. Him included, because he surely doesn't know how to have a healthy relationship.
There were two main things that stuck out in what you posted. First, you said one of the reasons you love him is that he is trustworthy. He has proven to you through his actions that isn't true.
Second, you indicated that he was talking to another woman who was considering leaving her fiancé also. If your boyfriend was considering leaving you that isn't just aome flirty texts like you stated previously; that is a full blown affair. Whether they had sex or not, they were emotionally involved. I get that you want to be with him and are trying to find ways to make it work, but relationships take two people to make it a success and he ha shown you repeatedly he isn't really trying.
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