Ttc under 20?

AngelinaMarie26 · October 2013

What are your opinions? I currently know girl that is 16 and ttc! What do you think about ttc under 20? My stand point is that if you are graduated, in a committed relationship, have the money, don't live with mommy and daddy then go for it. It's your life. However I feel like everything I said fits more into the 18-20 category.... Actually ttc at 16 and still living at home? Eh. Nah.

I just think that a rule of thumb should be you shouldn't ttc if you are still completely dependent on someone else. Ex. Parents, grandparents, etc.

All that being said this is not bashing anyone who had kids younger than 18 whether it was not planned or planned because I know so awesome young moms. To me age doesn't define maturity.

ashtownyeah · October 2013

I can't think of a reason in this day and age that I would be okay with a 16 year old TTC.

momthatlifts · October 2013

No, oh God no! I just think of my little sister. She is so tiny and innocent and dumb as a rock! Excuse me, naive! She will be missing out on a lot. I loved my teen years. Sometimes I wish I could go back and do them all over again. She will be creating so much responsibility that she doesn't need to worry about YET.

britneyfaye · October 2013

I have to agree with you. Age is just a number but be independent, not living at home with mom/dad and them providing everything. My cousin has a 5 y/o, unplanned she was in her early 20's she moved out of her parents house became a responsible adult. Since then she has moved back in with her parents, got married H moved in to parents house too, parents are paying for almost everything she and her husband have and they recently just had another child. That IMO is wrong. So regardless of age if you are supporting yourself go for it, if you are relying on others you shouldn't be TTC.

This is not saying its wrong to move back home...crap happens but you get back up, not live off of your parents and procreate.

Kyselova · October 2013

Disclaimer:
I know no two people are the same. One person TTC at 16 may be a wonderful and loving parent, and another TTC at 16 may end up being a very bad influence for the child. I've seen both examples.

Now, that being said, I don't approve. And, personally, I do think age affects maturity, so that's definitely a factor in my views.

Really like what OP said about having kids when you aren't dependent on others. I know a couple people that I see on a regular basis (I see them, I don't talk to them, but word gets around) that live with their parents, have kids, and yet leave their kids with the parents all the time so they can party and fuck around. Fuck those people, honestly. You can have fun as a parent, ofc. But if you think you can just fuckin' leave your husband and "I'll just give him the kids so my chances of getting divorced are better" and NOT FUCKING GIVE A SHIT THAT YOU HAVE KIDS THAT NEED YOU, THEN FUCK YOU. AND BY THE WAY, MISSY, HOW THE HELL COULD YOU EVEN CONTEMPLATE MOVING TO WASHINGTON AND SAYING IT'S A 50/50 CHANCE THAT MAYBE YOU WILL, OR MAYBE YOU WON'T TAKE YOUR FUCKING NEWBORN WITH YOU BECAUSE "YOUR FRIENDS MAYBE WON'T WANT HER IN THE HOUSE I WANT TO STAY AT" AND..

Wow. That escalated quickly.
I have some unresolved issues with some people at work. Sorry. Just got more pissed off with every sentence, but there you have it. XD

Emerald27 · October 2013

A 16 year old is herself a child.

Kyselova · October 2013

BPaws said:

Age doesn't define maturity, but neither does financial independence. You can live on your own, be in a committed relationship and still be too immature to begin to handle children. Financial stability is important, but I'd argue emotional maturity and stability is more so.

That. In a nutshell, that. You phrased it much better than I did before I went on a rant.

britneyfaye · October 2013

@BPaws emotional maturity! Yes, that too would be a huge factor.

AngelinaMarie26 · October 2013

Lol @BPaws I love that 18 vs 29 comment

I agree I definitely don't see sixteen. At sixteen all I thought about was dancing (was a ballerina and competitive dancer) and having fun. However I won't judge the girl or be mean for obvious reasons. Her life, her choice I suppose plus her mom is on board so not much I can say. Like a pp said I think of my sixteen year old sister and the thought of my sister ttc would make me sad.

Although, I do have to disagree with saying that 18-20 aren't emotionally stable or whatever it was that was Said. I know at 19 I could have easily been a great mother. I was financially stable. Df and I paid for everything on our own. We both had great jobs and he already had a degree at this point (older than me obviously). If I would have gotten pregnant that young df would have joined the police academy sooner than right now and would have been making an awesome amount of money not counting my job before the baby was born. I wouldn't even have to work and could have been a sahm.
Df had/has a guarenteed spot into the academy and a guarenteed position as a officer so it would have never been a question of whether "if" he got to be an officer. Besides the finacial thing though I knew I was always born to be a mother. I have always been very mature and at that age I had already been a every day nanny and still was, had worked at a infant care center alone for hours on end with 5 , 0-2 year old (once it reached over 5 anothe person had to come in per state law) so I was well aware of what it took. I was never a big partier or drinker and was done with all my "wreckless" days. I was more focused on my df, my furbabies , and working at that age than getting wasted with friends. I don't know this is a very long paragraph just to tell you guys that I truly believe I would have been A okay and a great mom. Df wanted kids too. Honestly we weren't even protecting against it back then either because we both wouldn't have minded.... This was clearly before I knew about the whole "don't ovulate most of the time" issue. Anyways this was long sorry.

Wait wait just for giggles, everyone no joke I follow two girls on Instagram, one is 14 and ttc the other 13..... I can't even start on that one. I just can't. Also I know a girl who had her first at 13 and now purposely pregnant again at 16.

Edit because I don't know how to put words in sentences clearly. Also I'm on my phone so words are hard

lalaroller08 · October 2013

AngelinaMarie26 said:

Lol @BPaws I love that 18 vs 29 comment I agree I definitely don't see sixteen. At sixteen all I thought about was dancing (was a ballerina and competitive dancer) and having fun. However I won't judge the girl or be mean for obvious reasons. Her life, her choice I suppose plus her mom is on board so not much I can say. Like a pp said I think of my sixteen year old sister and the thought of my sister ttc would make me sad. Although, I do have to disagree with saying that 18-20 aren't emotionally stable or whatever it was that was Said. I know at 19 I could have easily been a great mother. I was financially stable. Df and I paid for everything on our own. We both had great jobs and he already had a degree at this point (older than me obviously). If I would have gotten pregnant that young df would have joined the police academy sooner than right now and would have been making an awesome amount of money not counting my job before the baby was born. I wouldn't even have to work and could have been a sahm. Df had/has a guarenteed spot into the academy and a guarenteed position as a officer so it would have never been a question of whether "if" he got to be an officer. Besides the finacial thing though I knew I was always born to be a mother. I have always been very mature and at that age I had already been a every day nanny and still was, had worked at a infant care center alone for hours on end with 5 , 0-2 year old (once it reached over 5 anothe person had to come in per state law) so I was well aware of what it took. I was never a big partier or drinker and was done with all my "wreckless" days. I was more focused on my df, my furbabies , and working at that age than getting wasted with friends. I don't know this is a very long paragraph just to tell you guys that I truly believe I would have been A okay and a great mom. Df wanted kids too. Honestly we weren't even protecting against it back then either because we both wouldn't have minded.... This was clearly before I knew about the whole "don't ovulate most of the time" issue. Anyways this was long sorry. Wait wait just for giggles, everyone no joke I follow two girls on Instagram, one is 14 and ttc the other 13..... I can't even start on that one. I just can't. Also I know a girl who had her first at 13 and now purposely pregnant again at 16. Edit because I don't know how to put words in sentences clearly. Also I'm on my phone so words are hard

No giggling here... this just makes me want to puke.

AngelinaMarie26 · October 2013

@lalaroller08 it's more of a uncomfortable weirded out giggle

amberhoothoot · October 2013

AngelinaMarie26 said:

What are your opinions? I currently know girl that is 16 and ttc! What do you think about ttc under 20? My stand point is that if you are graduated, in a committed relationship, have the money, don't live with mommy and daddy then go for it. It's your life. However I feel like everything I said fits more into the 18-20 category.... Actually ttc at 16 and still living at home? Eh. Nah. I just think that a rule of thumb should be you shouldn't ttc if you are still completely dependent on someone else. Ex. Parents, grandparents, etc. All that being said this is not bashing anyone who had kids younger than 18 whether it was not planned or planned because I know so awesome young moms. To me age doesn't define maturity.

Unplanned under 18 is one thing. And 18+ and planned, sure, if you are ready.

But PLANNED under 18?!?... No. Stop it. I am absolutely judging you. Andplusalso, What the hell is wrong with this girls family/friends not talking sense into her? I doubt the boyfriend is "trying".

amberhoothoot · October 2013

AngelinaMarie26 said:

Lol @BPaws I love that 18 vs 29 comment I agree I definitely don't see sixteen. At sixteen all I thought about was dancing (was a ballerina and competitive dancer) and having fun. However I won't judge the girl or be mean for obvious reasons. Her life, her choice I suppose plus her mom is on board so not much I can say. Like a pp said I think of my sixteen year old sister and the thought of my sister ttc would make me sad. Although, I do have to disagree with saying that 18-20 aren't emotionally stable or whatever it was that was Said. I know at 19 I could have easily been a great mother. I was financially stable. Df and I paid for everything on our own. We both had great jobs and he already had a degree at this point (older than me obviously). If I would have gotten pregnant that young df would have joined the police academy sooner than right now and would have been making an awesome amount of money not counting my job before the baby was born. I wouldn't even have to work and could have been a sahm. Df had/has a guarenteed spot into the academy and a guarenteed position as a officer so it would have never been a question of whether "if" he got to be an officer. Besides the finacial thing though I knew I was always born to be a mother. I have always been very mature and at that age I had already been a every day nanny and still was, had worked at a infant care center alone for hours on end with 5 , 0-2 year old (once it reached over 5 anothe person had to come in per state law) so I was well aware of what it took. I was never a big partier or drinker and was done with all my "wreckless" days. I was more focused on my df, my furbabies , and working at that age than getting wasted with friends. I don't know this is a very long paragraph just to tell you guys that I truly believe I would have been A okay and a great mom. Df wanted kids too. Honestly we weren't even protecting against it back then either because we both wouldn't have minded.... This was clearly before I knew about the whole "don't ovulate most of the time" issue. Anyways this was long sorry. Wait wait just for giggles, everyone no joke I follow two girls on Instagram, one is 14 and ttc the other 13..... I can't even start on that one. I just can't. Also I know a girl who had her first at 13 and now purposely pregnant again at 16. Edit because I don't know how to put words in sentences clearly. Also I'm on my phone so words are hard

**********************************************************

These 2 sentences disturb me greatly.

LeadMitten · October 2013

amberhoothoot said:

AngelinaMarie26 said:

What are your opinions? I currently know girl that is 16 and ttc! What do you think about ttc under 20? My stand point is that if you are graduated, in a committed relationship, have the money, don't live with mommy and daddy then go for it. It's your life. However I feel like everything I said fits more into the 18-20 category.... Actually ttc at 16 and still living at home? Eh. Nah.

I just think that a rule of thumb should be you shouldn't ttc if you are still completely dependent on someone else. Ex. Parents, grandparents, etc.

All that being said this is not bashing anyone who had kids younger than 18 whether it was not planned or planned because I know so awesome young moms. To me age doesn't define maturity.

Unplanned under 18 is one thing. And 18+ and planned, sure, if you are ready.

But PLANNED under 18?!?... No. Stop it. I am absolutely judging you. Andplusalso, What the hell is wrong with this girls family/friends not talking sense into her? I doubt the boyfriend is "trying".

That's exactly what I was thinking. That poor kid probably has no clue she is trying to make him a dad. Where are the parents!? If I knew some 16 year old was TTC you can bet your ass I am at least goin to send an email to the parents giving them a heads up. I heard you can get a chastity belt with a key pretty cheap on line.....

Valancyy · October 2013

funnibunni80 said:

16 does not compute. There was a pregnant girl at my HS. I had one class with her. Everyone treated her like a leper. I had twin flour-baby children in parenting class. They cried ALL THE TIME. Cured me of any urge to procreate before I was done with school...

Couldn't resist:

Pre-requisites for TTC: financial and emotional stability.

I don't see a 16 or 17 year old having either. 18 or 19 year old? Maybe. Definitely need to graduate HS first.

rlyttle · October 2013

NO WAY!!!! That is a time when KIDS should be getting an education and having fun, not having babies. I don't see what the rush is. I've always wanted to be a mom, and I'm really happy to be one. i had DS at 28 and sometimes i think that was too young. haha

jlynn62511 · October 2013

No way, is that okay. As a teacher, I spend my day with 16 year olds some more mature than others. However, they are still kids when it comes down to it. They are still learning how life really works as well as getting their emotions and hormones under control.

Just a thought: How many people out there know a 16 year old with a job that offers insurance? I would never TTC and still be under my parent's insurance.

jlynn62511 · October 2013

GhostMonkey said:

jlynn62511 said:

Just a thought: How many people out there know a 16 year old with a job that offers insurance? I would never TTC and still be under my parent's insurance.

Actually many people do because a lot of jobs don't offer insurance. A married 25 year old woman can still be on her parent's insurance. It will not cover the baby once it is born though.

I was on my parents' insurance until 23 when I got my first job with benefits. My question was, how many people know a 16 year that has a job that offers insurance? For the reason that the baby would not be covered once born.

ADH0906 · October 2013

Having a kid when you're 19/20 and having a kid when you're 16 feel like very different things to me. I grew up in a very rural southern town where lots of people graduated high school, got married immediately, and had kids. A lot of them are still immature, but plenty are also very good, loving parents.

That said, I would never encourage having kids before your mid-20s. I just think about what I was like as a 19 year old pre-college kid. I have changed so, so much since then. Hell, I'm 28, happily married, we both have very successful careers in a field that we love, a comfortable home, and I still wonder if I have my shit together enough to have a kid.

jenandtim828 · October 2013

No. I think that is too huge of a decision to make at such a young age.

TeacherGirl17 · October 2013

I don't think that anyone who is still in high school should be TTC. I know that shit happens and girls get KTFU at any age but you should not be trying to make happen.

I think of the relationship I was in in high school and he was awful to me and the relationship right after high school and he wasn't right for me. I found my DH at 21, we got married at 24, and couldn't imagine my life without him. Most of the relationships that are started young fail because you change a lot between 18 and 23. I think that most people need to figure themselves out before they add a baby to the mix.

Also, babies are difficult. Even the "good" babies who don't cry all the time are difficult in the first year. DH and I fought more during DS' first year than anytime during our relationship. I kept wondering how teen moms did it because it was really difficult for me sometimes and I feel that I am emotionally mature, financially stable, and in a loving committed relationship. I couldn't imagine how difficult it must be to be a teen mom.

Valancyy · October 2013

TeacherGirl17 said:

. Also, babies are difficult. Even the "good" babies who don't cry all the time are difficult in the first year. DH and I fought more during DS' first year than anytime during our relationship. I kept wondering how teen moms did it because it was really difficult for me sometimes and I feel that I am emotionally mature, financially stable, and in a loving committed relationship. I couldn't imagine how difficult it must be to be a teen mom.

Exactly. My DH and I practically NEVER fought before kids. We still don't fight a lot, but kids make things more stressful. It's HARD, even with financial security and a stable relationship. We had our first when I was 30, DH 34. I've wondered about teen moms too, it's got to be so hard to do it alone at that age.

ladybuginl0ve · October 2013

wtf are we seriously debating this issue? your frontal lobe isn't even fully developed until you're in your 20s.

amberhoothoot · October 2013

@bbg676 - Oh. Lord. Help us all.

That info is so frightening.

This concept is foreign to me after a high school experience where all the pregnant girls were shipped off (or chose to go) to the tech school for beauty school instead of college prep. It was a very middle class community but I truly only knew 2 people having sex out of all the groups I was in (graduating class of 500 btw). And I drove that girl to planned parenthood myself to get birth control. The thought of a 13 year old having a child makes me so incredibly sad. Even if somehow she "makes it work" who knows what trajectory her life could have gone if she had just been better educated. I can't imagine being a 7 year old with a 20 year old mom. So bizarre to me.

That being said... I didn't move to the burbs until i was just 12. And I had several conversations with my best friend back in the ghetto about how if we hadn't had sex by the time we were 16 we would just die.

The disparity in the American experience is just so wide.

Pintobean39 · October 2013

I think that's way to young!!!

I had my first when I was 19 and at the time I thought I handled everything just fine. Now that I'm 39 and I look back and OMG I was really very immature.

I also look at my son who is now 20 and all his friends and they are very immature. Having a child will definitely make you grow up but I still think people should wait until they are in their mid 20's because you change so much as you are growing up. IMO

oneblessedmess · October 2013

Yeah, I work in the childcare center at an alternative school for teen moms. While they all love their babies, I can't think of one of them who could not have stood to have waited to have a baby.

Valancyy · October 2013

This reminds me of when I was 22 and just graduated from college. I stayed with my 2 year old niece for a few days when my nephew was born. I remember being at the hospital visiting my aunt and the new baby and thinking, "I'm so glad it's them and not me who has to take home this baby!"

rjeller32 · October 2013

GhostMonkey said:

NellyBluth said:

It's not for me to say the requirements for someone to TTC. The beauty of reproductive freedom is just that...freedom.

I don't think there is a hard line where suddenly everyone is ready, but there are certainly times where it's a shitty idea. Like at 16.

I don't know anyone that doesn't in some way regret (which isn't really the right word) having children before 21. Every one of them would give anything to have the same kid, but 5-10 years later.

And actually your brain isn't fully matured until 25. That's why insurance rates drop then. You are less likely to make stupid impulsive decisions.

Late to the party, but GM puts it perfectly. I had DD1 at 18, and I would love to have had her at 25 or 26. I just wasn't prepared at all.

I spent a lot of nights wishing I could just do what all of my friends were doing. Now, I have come to terms with my ignorance of TTA, and am completely happy with my two little freak shows, but it wasn't an easy road.

I don't know very many 18 year olds that are really emotionally ready for kids. Under 18 is just ridiculous.

AngelinaMarie26 · October 2013

amberhoothoot said:

AngelinaMarie26 said:

What are your opinions? I currently know girl that is 16 and ttc! What do you think about ttc under 20? My stand point is that if you are graduated, in a committed relationship, have the money, don't live with mommy and daddy then go for it. It's your life. However I feel like everything I said fits more into the 18-20 category.... Actually ttc at 16 and still living at home? Eh. Nah.

I just think that a rule of thumb should be you shouldn't ttc if you are still completely dependent on someone else. Ex. Parents, grandparents, etc.

All that being said this is not bashing anyone who had kids younger than 18 whether it was not planned or planned because I know so awesome young moms. To me age doesn't define maturity.

Unplanned under 18 is one thing. And 18+ and planned, sure, if you are ready.

But PLANNED under 18?!?... No. Stop it. I am absolutely judging you. Andplusalso, What the hell is wrong with this girls family/friends not talking sense into her? I doubt the boyfriend is "trying".

Oh no no he boyfriend IS indeed trying. The sixteen year Olds mom even took her to the ob to get blood testing and her bf a SA because the sixteen year old has been trying for around 10 months

(:|

Also, the 14 year old, yea her boyfriend is also trying. It's crazy.

lebradford · October 2013

funnibunni80 said:

GhostMonkey said:
I don't know anyone that doesn't in some way regret (which isn't really the right word) having children before 21. Every one of them would give anything to have the same kid, but 5-10 years later.

Allow me to introduce myself. I apparently am the first person you've met who does not regret any part of having a child under 21. My kids are amazing, and I can't imagine life without them.

I agree. I had my son when I was 17, and even though he was unplanned, I would do it the same way again. Even if I could have the same kid, later in life, I wouldn't. Is that selfish? Maybe. But it's the truth.

Could I be a better parent to a child, now, at 28? Yes, in some ways. I could spend more time with a kid now because I'm not working and going to school at the same time anymore. However, I was a damn good mother.

I would never encourage a 16 year old to try to have a baby. However, it's really hard to define what makes *someone else* ready to have a baby. Is it financial security? Fuck no. Financial security is great, but it sure as hell doesn't make you a good parent.

TheLibrarianTTGP · October 2013

BankerBSN · October 2013

@TheLibrarianTTGP couldn't stay away, huh?

TheLibrarianTTGP · October 2013

BankerBSN said:

@TheLibrarianTTGP couldn't stay away, huh?

I never left. :>

BankerBSN · October 2013

TheLibrarianTTGP said:

BankerBSN said:

@TheLibrarianTTGP couldn't stay away, huh?

I never left. :>

Sure

TheLibrarianTTGP · October 2013

BankerBSN said:

TheLibrarianTTGP said:

BankerBSN said:

@TheLibrarianTTGP couldn't stay away, huh?

I never left. :>

Sure

Where's Buffalo Bill at? Do you know @bankerbsn ?

CMSullivan326 · October 2013

I missed something...

WolFox · October 2013

Sigh... I've worked with teens who wanted to get pregnant. It would make me really sad. They either saw it as a status thing: Either badass or mature ("If I have baby I'll be in charge and no one can tell me what to do...") or "Look how mature I am, I not only have sex but I want a baby!" or sometimes it's just about them having someone who will love them and not abandon them... righting some wrongs as it were.

But these were teens in a group home and BC was a requirement for living there. Accidents happen but those were some of the motivations behind them stating that they WANTED one...

PS: They also would share (almost always false) 'miscarriage' stories with each other to brag about how 'hard' they were...

Sigh. It still saddens me.